Named to the Christmas Cantata

I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we're from, everyone loves music.

Billy Joel

BELLA'S POV

Gold eyes swam in front of me, but the face they belonged to was shadowed in darkness. No matter how I moved my head, the face remained shadowed, and I desperately wanted to know who was in front of me. Male… female… I couldn't tell, but the way they gazed down at me made me feel loved and safe. The person turned away and darkness enveloped them.

I blinked… Samantha was in front of me, begging me to hurry or we would be late for the movie.

"Sammie, we'll just miss a few of the previews," I said, confused by her appearance and no longer feeling safe as I looked around. There was no sign of the stranger.

"I don't want to miss any of the previews," Sammie complained as she urged me out of the car.

We made it to the box office in record time and bought our tickets. Skipping the snack line, we headed straight to theater three, entering just as the lights started to dim and the dancing popcorn bag appeared on the screen.

Action soon filled the screen with James Bound in a hovercraft chasing the evil Dr. Jekyll in hopes of regaining a top secret power crystal.

The ringing of a cellphone woke me. Sitting up and blinking a few times, I rid myself of the dream. Turning my head to the right, I looked at my alarm clock. It was five thirty, sighing I decided it was best to get up instead of trying to get back to sleep. After getting out of bed, I grabbed my toiletry bag and slipped quietly from my room. The bathroom was between Charlie's and my room, so I heard him having a one-sided conversation with someone. From the sound of it, the news he was hoping for. Charlie turned and smiled when he saw me.

We had gotten into a good rhythm in the two and a half months that I have been living with him. It has been rocky for me. Some days had been good where I have gotten out of day ready to face the day. Other days were so bad that I didn't want to get out of bed. Then there were days where it was an emotional roller coaster ride all day. Those roller coaster days happened when Charlie and Daniela try to get me to go off base with them for some community event. They never got me further than the door to the officers' quarters before I was a hysterical mess. In truth, I feared I would breakdown in front of the whole town if someone, like a guy, approached me. Charlie argued going to community events was the only way I was going to make friends my own age, but he had understood and didn't push me. The few times I had left the base was because Charlie and Daniela had tricked me. They told me were only going for a ride through town. Every time it happened, we had ended up at the local diner for lunch. No one had paid us much attention and I liked it that way; plus, there was no kids may age in the diner during the school day.

During yesterday's session with Daniela, I was informed me about the arrangements Charlie made with the high school—I would be able to participate in any club but would be subjected to tryouts for any other activities. I saw it for what it was… a way for me to interact with other teenagers. Daniela produced a flyer for tryouts for the Christmas cantata and told me she was taking me. She didn't care if I tried out or not. I didn't like I was being unofficially forced into going, but I wasn't going to argue.

~~ B3W ~~

Nurse Morales walked into the conference room that was scheduled for my lessons. She was a great teacher. She had a folder in her hand which meant only one thing… it was test day. I groaned and made a face. I hated anatomy tests, not because I didn't study. It was just that there was so much to remember, and I was struggling with recalling what muscle did what.

"Oh, don't give that look, Bella. Tests are a part of the curriculum, and this one is five percent of your final grade," she said, placing the folder in front of me and taking my iPad from me. "You have forty-five minutes."

Opening the folder, I was confronted with a blank diagram of the heart… twenty lines with no list of right answers to use. There were no another questions. I wanted to bang my head on the table. I started by dropping my dwarves, or writing all the parts of the heart I knew off the top of my head down the left side of the page. Surprisingly, I wrote down all twenty. Where to put them on the diagram was another thing. Working clockwise from the top, I wrote aorta and placed all the left and right names next. By the time the allotted time was over, I had the diagram filled out.

Nurse Morales smiled at me and said she have for me next class. Her class was divided in half by an hour lunch break but on test days, we didn't have a lesson.

Heading to the canteen, I joined Charlie. He was scowling at his tray. I'll be the first to admit the meals were bland, but whatever was bothering him wasn't the food.

"What's wrong, Charlie?" I asked.

"It's been a hectic morning, Bells," he replied, glancing up at me. "How's your day been?"

Instead of my normal shrug, I reached out and placed my hand atop Charlie's. "It's been a good day. I'm dreading going to the high school though."

He chuckled. "At least you're willing to go."

I didn't correct him on how wrong he was.

~~ B3W ~~

At half-past one, I was sitting next to Daniela as she drove out the gates and toward the center of Forks. My hands were clenched in my lap, and I was trying not to freak out. It was becoming a roller coaster day... what with the dream and test. I was okay, for the moment, but then I was doing some deep breathing to stay calm.

Soon the high school came into view and Daniela navigated the car into the parking lot and pulled into a spot. I said nothing as I got out and peered at the imposing building and the school grounds. It was an open air campus. I could see the lockers under upper walkways. There were metal picnic tables in the courtyard; they probably didn't get much use. It rained a lot in Forks, and since I have been here, I could count on one hand the days it hadn't rained. There was also road-like signs pointing in different directions indicating where certain buildings were.

Not what I expected for a high school.

Daniela headed toward one of the buildings and I followed. The sign above the doors said "Auditorium."

I gulped. Auditorium meant there was a stage.

"Even though your godfather and I are requiring you to be here, I'm not going to force you to try out. Although, I think it would be therapeutic for you to sing. I would like you to think about giving it a shot," Daniela said as we entered the auditorium.

I groaned. There were some things I hadn't told Charlie and Daniela. One being I didn't listen to music. Every song reminded me of those I lost. When I did have my headphones in, I was listening to a book.

The auditorium was small and so was the stage—I'd seen and performed on bigger. The stage had a flat front, but there was a big space between it and the first row of seats for a small orchestra. The curtains were a horrible dark blue and the seats and aisle carpet were a light gold. Must be the school colors, I thought still following Daniela. She led the way to the middle of the house and took the third seat in on the eighth row. I groaned again, sitting down beside her. Not exactly where I wanted to sit; I would've have preferred to sit in a dark corner where no one would be able to see me.

Shortly after we arrived, the final bell rang and students started filing into the auditorium. Fifteen minutes later, the music teacher, whose name I didn't catch, welcome us to tryout.

"Tryouts last three days," the music teacher said. "If you tryout today, you don't have to come tomorrow but you need to be here on Friday to find out if you made it or not. Any questions?" She paused a moment. No hands went up. "Okay, whoever wants to go first, please bring up your sheet music or audio track."

A blonde haired girl who was shorter than me hopped up. She handed the teacher an iPod and she belted out a hip-hop version "Deck the Halls." It was good, but her "fa la la la la's" came out more like "ba ra ra ra ra," like the scene at Chinese restaurant in A Christmas Story.

As I continued to watch and listen to one after another perform, I wished that I could have that much fun again. I even got up took the microphone offered me, whispering that I was going to sing a cappella, but I froze once I looked at the stage and ended up handing the microphone back. This happened twice, on the first and second day. Both times, I got up with confidence only to freeze and sit back down. Each time the music teacher gave me an encouraging smile. The problem was I just couldn't make myself move any further toward the stage.

Daniela said nothing after either day, but I did overhear her speaking with Charlie the night of the second failed attempt.

"I just don't know what more we can do to help her," she said. "She got up again today, but she didn't make it to the stage. I can tell she wants to get up there. I just wish I knew what was going through her mind."

"As you have said countless times, we need to continue to be patient with her. Let her come to us," Charlie said, a little frustration showing in his voice. "We can't force her to get on the stage and sing." He sighed. "I'm not even sure if we should have required her to go in the first place."

"I know, but I thought getting her back into music would give her an outlet for her stress."

Right then and there, I decided to make myself get on that stage, especially after hearing the frustration in Charlie's voice. He was doing everything he could to help me, and I was grateful, but I needed to do more to help myself. Daniela was also right, I wanted music back in my life, but I was terrified and the stage had never done that to me.

~~ B3W ~~

I woke with a sense of foreboding, knowing something was going to happen to me, but I wasn't sure if it was going to be good or bad. Trying to force a premonition was out of the question. The last time I tried was when Grandmother was next to me, guiding me, anchoring me. I hadn't seen much and what I did see never came to pass. Grandmother did tell me magic had a way of catching us off guard, and because what I had seen didn't happened when I thought it would, didn't mean it wouldn't happen. I sighed. I couldn't remember whose wedding I had seen, but Grandfather had died right after the groom kissed the bride.

I blew out another long breath and got out of bed. With no tutoring sessions on Fridays and all my homework done, I was free to spend my time as I wished. So, I grabbed a random book and went out front. Sitting on the couch, I began reading. I barely looked up from the pages when Charlie came out, tucking in his shirt.

"Good morning, kiddo," he said.

I didn't look up from the book. "Morning," I replied.

It was sort of an act, a way of avoiding any further conversion. I was reading but I couldn't keep my mind on the book, reading some pages three or four times. Shutting the book, I found it was twelve thirty. I had to meet Daniela in an hour. I showered quickly. Pulling out a pair of black jeans and a Star Command sweatshirt, I dressed. My red converse sneakers completed the outfit.

After grabbing my bag, I rushed to the mess hall. Charlie was still there and motioned for me to join him, pushing a tray of food at me.

"I found out you hadn't been here yet," he said. "Was the book that enthralling?"

"No," I answered. "For some reason, I can't get into it." I took a couple of bites of the stew.

Charlie's eyes went wide. He knew I was an avid reader and hadn't found a book I didn't like.

"Any idea why?" he asked.

I shook my head, not wanting to share what I was feeling. "I'll give it another shot in a couple of weeks." I looked at the clock near us and groaned. "I have to meet Daniela in ten minutes. Do I have to go?"

Charlie looked at me with soft, concerned eyes. "Yes," he said. "I know how you feel about going but you need to socialize with kids your age, Bells."

After taking a few more bites, I got up, grabbing the bottle of water on the tray and leaving it for Charlie to take up to the conveyor. I left without saying a word. Daniela was waiting for me when I reached the parking lot. She smiled at me before we got into her car. The drive seemed longer than the last two days, but my anxiety levels were through the roof, even with the deep breathing.

Daniela glanced over at me from time to time as I fidgeted with the hem of my sweatshirt. Luckily she didn't say anything. She was cool like that, letting me direct our conversations, if I wanted to talk. She did occasionally ask me about television shows we both enjoyed, but even discussing those didn't interest me like normal.

When Daniela and I arrived at the high school there was fifteen minutes before the final bell rang, so I rushed to the front of the auditorium, climbing the steps to the stage. Standing center stage, I closed my eyes and pictured a full house with fans screaming my name. My resolve was strong, and I wasn't going let my fear of whatever was going to happen get the better of me. When I opened my eyes, students were starting to file in, laughing and carrying on with friends. Descending the stairs, I sat down next to Daniela, anxiously waiting for tryouts to begin.

The same boring Christmas songs were sung. I hazarded a glance at my watch, only twenty minutes left and then I could go home. I still hadn't gotten up and didn't know if I would at this point, but I had to—for me… not Charlie.

Biting my lip, I tried to suck up the courage to get up and try, when from behind me, I heard whispering.

"Come on you three, Rosalie and I dared you to get up there and sing. You're running out of time, and you don't want to know what we have planned if you fail in completing the dare."

"Come on, Alice," a musical and velvety male voice responded—that voice sounded like warm caramel to my ears. "You can't honestly want us to go up there and sing the song you two picked out."

I had no idea what happened after that, but three boys walked to the stage with a CD in hand. I didn't even know anyone still had CDs these days. What with albums being put straight online for anyone to purchase and download. Who would want a CD?

One of the boys handed the teacher the disc and told her which track. I noticed that she was slightly taken with the one that spoke, but quickly recovered and put it into an ancient player.

What was that all about?

All too soon the music began to play. Busted's "Year 3000," filled the small auditorium. It was the first non-Christmas song and a song I knew and loved. The boys started singing… very comically. I was aghast. They were ruining a great song, and I could definitely do better than these yahoos.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was on stage, snatching a microphone from the one closest to me. Mimicking their dance steps, to almost perfection, as I sang:

I took a trip to the year 3000

This song had gone multi-platinum

Everybody bought our seventh album

It had outsold Michael Jackson

The music stopped and everyone was looking at me in awe. I felt the familiar blush creep up my face. Before I could turn tail and hide, the teacher was addressing us.