The Hyperion raced through space, her passengers, her crew, and her pathfinder still more than a decade away from waking in their new home, their new hope.
On Havarl, the sun was just beginning to crest the horizon. Perched on an outcropping halfway up the cliff that sheltered his family home, Jaal Ama Darav watched the world awaken on this most important of days. It was his fifteenth birthday; he had been preparing for this day, and the Ritual, for a year.
A full year of studying with Moshae Sjefa, alongside other children his age, to prepare for the Ritual which would mark their transition from childhood to adulthood.
One by one, the other students had awoken on their fifteenth birthday. One by one, they had spent the morning alone with Moshae Sjefa learning - finally! - what the Ritual was. One by one, they had gone to the anj paara accompanied by every adult in their family and the moshae. One by one, they had left the building, each with a newly intense focus, a new glow to their bioelectrical fields.
One by one, they were quizzed by their remaining classmates, only to refuse to answer any questions or give any hint of the Ritual.
Today was Jaal's turn. Today, he would learn of the Ritual, perform it, and emerge an adult. Only Evfra had a birthday later in the year than his. The wait had been long for both of them, but it was finally Jaal's turn. He had woken early, and instead of pacing in his small room and waking his family, he had snuck away to climb the cliff and watch the sunrise.
The sun was well above the horizon now, the lush plants turning brighter green with the light. Jaal began the climb down before he could be missed, before one of his mothers came to scold him.
Moshae Sjefa smiled at the fidgeting boy in front of her. She had taught many students over the years but Jaal, with all his questions, had been one of the most challenging. She could see the questions piling up behind his eyes even now, and decided to start before he voiced them.
"Since the Scourge, our people are few. Scattered, lost to each other, our history destroyed and forgotten."
This beginning was sufficiently grim to head off even Jaal's questions; he stared at her, his eyes wide and his mouth firmly shut. She smiled slightly, and continued.
"Fortunately, our most important knowledge of ourselves has not been lost: we have been granted a gift. All angara have been given a soulmate. A perfect complement to themselves, a partner, one who will help and support them throughout not only this life, but the next as well.
"No gift comes without cost, and the greater the gift, the greater the cost. This gift then, the greatest any of us will ever receive comes with a very great cost. We must find our soulmate. Across all the planets, between the stars, we have no way to know where they are, but we must find them. It is said that for each life in which we find each other, it becomes slightly easier in the next life to find each other again.
"We do have one advantage. Each of us has the ability to form a connection with our soulmate, this is what the Ritual does. This connection gives a subtle insight into their emotions, if we listen to it; it will also allow you to instantly recognize your soulmate when you see her."
Moshae Sjefa fell silent, and watched as Jaal absorbed this information. She could tell it wasn't what he had expected - it never was. This was the angara's most closely guarded secret, no one learned it until the day of their Ritual.
Finally Jaal looked up at her. "Respectfully, Moshae, may I ask some questions about this?"
She smiled. "I would be disappointed if you didn't, Jaal. Ask your questions."
"What will it feel like? The Ritual?"
"It is difficult to describe exactly, but you will use your bioelectrical field to activate the place of connection in your mind. If she has completed her Ritual as well, you will feel each other's emotions. Not completely, and not clearly. More, if you concentrate, of course. Like any other strength, this one grows with practice."
This led him almost immediately to the next logical question. "What if she has not completed her Ritual?"
"If she has not, then you will feel an echo… like shouting at a cave wall will bounce your voice back to you, sending your emotions along the connection before her side is open will bounce those emotions back to you." In a cautioning tone, she added, "I say that to give you a visual description; this is not something that is under your conscious control, however. Your emotions will wash over the connection whether you wish it or not. You only control how well you listen for hers. This will be helpful, but it is not an easy answer for anything. You will need to work at your relationship."
Jaal nodded. He considered for a moment, then plunged on to his next question.
"What if I do not find her? What if we both form the connection, but cannot find one another? There are a great many places I have never been."
The moshae nodded. "Indeed, many people do not find their soulmate for precisely that reason. We do our best to mitigate this problem; the raba garessan for instance, will expose you to a great many new people. If you do not, it is up to you to decide if you will remain alone and continue to search, or if you will try to find happiness elsewhere. You can, and some even do, build a life with someone else. There is no shame in it. Only you can decide when you have looked long enough, and if you are willing to accept something… less."
"What if I fail to complete the Ritual? Fail to make the bond complete?"
Moshae Sjefa shook her head. "This is not like target practice, Jaal. You cannot do it close, or halfway, or not quite. Either you complete the Ritual and form the bond, or you fail completely. It will be apparent to all present which way it goes. You have good control over your bioelectric field however, and no lack of determination. I do not believe you will fail."
Jaal nodded thoughtfully, and there was a long pause. Moshae Sjefa knew what he was going to ask; sooner or later they all asked it. Jaal didn't disappoint her.
"Moshae, what if she dies before I find her? What if she already has died?" He sounded genuinely concerned at the prospect.
Moshae Sjefa nodded, and tried to put as much reassurance into her reply as she could. "If she has died, you will have to try to find her in your next life. As for the Ritual, when you perform it, if she has died, you will know. When you attempt to form the connection, it will snap back on you. It is… not permanently damaging, but it is a painful sensation. After, you will have the same choice: wait to try again in your next incarnation, or find happiness with someone else."
Jaal's gaze was piercing, but he evidently decided not to pursue whatever question had occurred to him.
The small room was silent for a long time. Finally, he looked up at her. "Tell me what I must do for this Ritual. I am ready."
The anj paara was in chaos.
Jaal sat in the corner, hands wrapped around his head, which ached from trying and trying and trying to form the connection with his soulmate.
All the adults in his family milled around the large room, speaking in varying tones of distress and confusion. What had happened? How could this be? What was wrong with him?
Several steps away from where he sat, Sahuna, his true mother, spoke with the moshae in agitated tones, only occasionally loud enough for him to make them out.
"He completed the bond, we all felt it."
"Indeed, but then why is there nothing there?"
"I do not know…"
Their voices faded away, then his true mother spoke loudly enough to - briefly - silence the other conversations in the room.
"There is nothing wrong with Jaal! Whatever this is, it is not a failure on his part!"
The moshae answered soothingly, and their voices dropped again. He could not hear their conversation any longer, but he could hear bits of things the rest of his family said.
"Have you heard of anything like this happening before? Ever?"
"I can't imagine it would be a secret if it had."
"Perhaps he doesn't have a soulmate?"
"Everyone has a soulmate!"
"Maybe he betrayed her in a past life and she renounced him."
"Can you do that?"
"I don't know, but how else would you explain it? When I did my Ritual, it felt like knocking on a door. This one… it felt like dropping a pebble into a bottomless well… no echo, no answer, no snap as if she were dead. Just… nothing…."
Jaal stood up, and pushed through his family, ignoring the quiet that descended behind him as he made his escape.
Jaal climbed. He drove himself faster and harder, always higher as he scaled the cliff above their daar.
Like dropping a pebble into a bottomless well.
He passed the outcropping he'd sat on this morning. Full of hope, full of expectations and excitement, watching the sunrise. He swore to himself that he'd never sit there again. He climbed higher.
No echo, no answer.
Finally, he reached the top of the cliff; he sat, panting, with his back to a boulder as he watched the lengthening shadows creep across the valley.
Sitting there, he closed his eyes, and probed the newly opened place in his awareness. The connection - or something - was there. He had changed, he could feel it. And yet…
Why was he the only one of his people to be alone? To have no connection, however tenuous, however distant.
Just… nothing…
Jaal sighed. What was lacking in him?
NOTES:
~Anj paara… I took some creative license with this one, combining two known angaran words. Anj: anchor, and Paara: to know or to learn. So here, Anj paara means Anchor of Knowledge. It's a building that can be found in all daar.
~ In my world, Evfra's family was taken by the kett before he could perform his Ritual… he joined the Resistance right away, and never completed the Ritual. This unfulfilled potential is a solid half of what makes him so driven as the leader of the Resistance. By the time he figured out what the Ritual was and what it was for, he wasn't about to let anyone know he hadn't completed it way back when he should have; he is punishing himself for his failures by not even attempting to find his soulmate. Knowing that he is also punishing some totally innocent young woman just adds to his guilt. Evfra has a major tragic vibe, in my world.
~ Jaal's Ritual fails because Ryder isn't dead (or it would snap back on him, like the moshae says), but since she's in suspended animation, she doesn't have any thoughts or emotions for Jaal to pick up. Since this isn't something the angara could guess at, they don't, and assume the problem lies with him.
~ In my world, Moshae Sjefa is single because her soulmate died before she found him, and she never wanted to settle for something less. She awaits her next incarnation to find him.