Confusing Feelings
You can never control who you fall in love with, even when you're in the most sad, confused time of your life. You don't fall in love with people because they're fun. It just happens.
Kirsten Dunst
BELLA'S POV
Me. Lead. Vocals. Nooooo!
My knees went weak and the room spun. Cool arms wrap around my waist and gently ease me down, and there was a strange, almost magical, warmth coursing through me.
I waited a few moments, listening to what was going on around me and heard Daniela ask someone if I was okay. That's when I heard the same velvety and musical voice from earlier answer.
I opened my eyes and peered up into gorgeous golden eyes, the color of a warm sunset. I blinked. Wait! Gold eyes… I've seen those eyes before… dreamed about them. Racking my brain, I tried to remember when I had and was coming up blank. A blush stole across my face as I continued to stare into them; finally, I looked away and noticed everyone in front of the stage. A deeper blush burned my cheeks.
"I'm fine," I said, struggling to get up.
The boy's hands tightened, holding me in place.
"Really, I am fine."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
His velvety voice again. I looked back up into his eyes, and my heart sped up as I got lost in them. They're so inviting, I thought.
Stop it, I scolded myself. You're engaged.
That's true, another part of me responded. To a young man you have only met once. Do you really want to go through with an arranged marriage?
No, but I resolved a year ago to go through with it. That's what the clan wants for me.
What about the prophecy? My mind asked.
Why was I arguing with myself?
I stopped my internal thoughts before I could think about what the prophecy said and didn't say. Whatever was hidden was apparently wrong or the clan wouldn't have chosen to go against it by arranging a match for me. Come to think of it, why did that archaic practice still exist? Stop it! I told myself again. I hated what I was feeling and the boy who brought the feelings about.
"Yes. I'm sure. I'm fine," I said.
The young man helped me up before removing his hands from my waist. Immediately, I missed him holding me. Chiding myself once again, I turned my attention to Ms. Brandt.
"Why me?" I asked.
"Didn't you see how everyone reacted as you sang?" Ms. Brandt responded.
I shook my head and she continued.
"You had everyone's attention. The same is true about Mr. Cullen. When you and he sang together, there was an energy that screamed excitement. You both have amazing voices, and they need to be at the forefront of the show. What do you say? Will you both be our lead vocals?"
I was about to refuse when I remembered my determination to try. "I guess, but I reserve the right to back out at any time, no questions asked. Okay?"
Daniela had informed me that Ms. Brandt was told about my situation, so Ms. Brandt nodded I was relieved. "In the case that Ms. Swan backs out, Ms. Weber will replace her. Is that fine with you, Ms. Weber?"
"Of course, Ms. Brandt," a girl with light brown hair with streaks of honey and gentle brown eyes said with a smile. I immediately liked her and hoped we would become fast friends.
Ms. Brandt thanked everyone before announcing the ensemble and rehearsal schedule. With that, everyone was released to go. Ms. Brandt handed me the sheet she had read from that contained all the information. I wasn't sure if Edward said anything in objection, but I wasn't about to face him until I figured out what to do about what I felt when he touched me. I thanked Ms. Brandt and made to leave, but I was stopped in my attempt to escape.
"Hi, Bella," the girl who would be my understudy said. "I'm Angela Weber"— she extended her hand and I shook it— "I was wondering if you would like to join us at my house for a movie or two. It will mostly be juniors and seniors..." She shrugged for some reason. "It's a tradition after tryouts and Friday rehearsals. And it's a way to get to know who you'll be performing with."
Angela was nice to invite me. I glanced over at Daniela, who smiled encouragingly at me. Not giving it a second thought, I said, "I would like that, Angela. And thanks for agreeing to be my musical understudy."
She waved off my "thank you." "Think nothing of it. Do you need a ride? Or, do you have your own car?"
"I need a ride, let me just go and talk with my teacher," I said, not wanting to anyone to know who Daniela was really. "What time do you think we'll be done?"
"That depends on how many movies we watch," she replied.
I nodded and walked over to where Daniela was waiting for me.
"I guess you already know I was invited to watch movies with everyone."
"Of course, and I'm proud of you. You accomplished something big today. Go have fun and make some friends. Call Charlie or me, and one of us will come and pick you up." Daniela said.
CHARLIE'S POV
When a knocked sounded on my office door, I looked up from the paperwork I was reviewing, grateful for the break. "Come in," I said, rubbing my eyes, and then, lifting my arms above me head, stretching.
"Charlie, you should have been there," Daniela said, coming in and placing a steaming cup of tea in front of me before taking a seat and telling me what happened today without taking a breath. "One minute Bella was sitting next to me and the next she was grabbing the microphone from one of the boys on stage and singing. Everyone was in awe. Then the music teacher asked if she and the boys would start over. She was a little hesitant, but she agreed to start over when two other girls said they would help. When the song was over the whole place was in an uproar of applauds. She collapsed, though, when she was named one of the leads."
One eyebrow rose in question when Daniela paused to take a sip of her tea. I was a little concerned but if Daniela didn't call me, then Isabella must be okay.
"Oh, don't give me that look, Charlie. A boy caught her, and she said she was fine." She sighed. "Bella agreed but insisted on an out clause, much to my dismay."
"What's this clause?" I asked steepling my fingers in front of my mouth as I sat back. I was proud of my goddaughter but curious as to her request.
"I'm not sure exactly, but she only agreed if she could have the right to back out with no questions asked. I don't think she is ready to take the step and put herself back in the spotlight. She's trying," she said, taking another sip of her tea.
Only Daniela, myself, and selected family members knew of Isabella's desire to make a name for herself musically. Had it not been for the tragedy, she would probably be back out there on tour with some big name artist. She'd toured a little when she was twelve, and the star's fans were welcoming and loved her. I had also told Daniela the story of when Isabella was four and had sung Elton John's version of "I Just Can't Wait to be King" at a clan event.
Isabella looked adorable in a midnight blue dress. She twirled and spun as the DJ played song after song. With flushed cheeks she ran over to me.
"Charlie," she yelled.
Those near me laughed as I scooped my granddaughter up into my arms. "Hello, Bells," I whispered in her ear before kissing her cheek. "Are you having fun?"
"Uh-huh." She wiggled in my arms and put back down.
I chuckled as she rushed over to the DJ stand. She pulled the guy down to her level and asked him something. He straightened with a smile on his face.
"Seems we be having a treat. The wee lassie, Isabella, wishes to sing for us."
A cheer had gone up from the McCullough clan.
It was hilarious and wonderful at the same time. You see, Isabella had seen the movie at a friend's house and begged her grandfather for the movie. He surprised her with not only the movie but an MP3 player with the soundtrack on it. It was amazing how fast she learned the songs.
I smiled as I reached for my tea, taking a sip and pondering what I could do to help. "What if I arranged for them to perform at the Scottish embassy in Seattle? Do you think she would perform there?"
"I don't see why not. Isn't the embassy looking for students to come and perform at the beginning of December anyway?" Daniela asked.
"That's why I asked. The annual Christmas dinner is the first Saturday, and her grandfather always attends. With him being the top ambassador, I'm sure he'll agree and let the Forks' students perform."
EDWARD'S POV
I overheard—well if that wasn't the understatement of the century—Angela invited Bella to movie night. I turned to my siblings and informed them that we would be going.
Alice gave me a knowing smile. Right, she already knew we would be going. Damn little pixie and her abilities.
"You like her, don't you?" Jasper asked with his thoughts.
"Ah, my lit' bro has once again found the girl he's been crushing on for two years," Emmett threw my way.
I turned my attention to Alice and she was just singing. "I just can't wait to be king."
Lion King. How strange!
Rosalie thoughts mirrored that of Emmett and Jasper's, but there was something more to her thoughts. "I can't believe it! A human. Really, Edward, she's not like us."
I ignored my brothers and sisters' thoughts, not caring what they thought. I hated Bella for making me want her so much and for helping me make lead, but at the same time, I was intrigued by her.
Deep down, I knew that I couldn't back out of the cantata. I wasn't a quitter; I would just have to take extra precautions. Hunt nightly. Fortify myself so I could stand to be around Bella. A talk with Carlisle was in order, maybe he would have more advice for me.
I followed Angela and the other moviegoers to the Weber house. Everyone was a little surprised to see the mysterious Cullens but accepted the fact that we were a part of the show and had a right to come.
Ms. Brandt had also decided to join us. No consequence. Then I met Bella's eyes. She gave me a hard, cold look, one that I took to mean she hated me. I knew my eyes spoke the same. Ms. Brandt must have sensed the tension and spoke to the group.
"I know it is not my place to be here tonight, but Ms. Weber invited me. Seeing as the two leads will be performing some songs that are about love at Christmastime and don't know each, I suggest that they sit together at each rehearsal and any informal get together. I trust each of you to see that happens," she said with a smile.
Bella and my eyes snapped to look at Ms. Brandt in disbelief. "I don't think that will be necessary," I said.
"Completely unnecessary," Bella said at the same time.
"Come on, Bella, Edward," Angela said. "Be good sports. This is part of the tradition. The two leads have to appear be totally into each other."
Bella sighed, and it was a lovely sound.
I need to stop thinking that way.
"If it is the tradition… fine" she said, coming toward the five of us. "Which one of you is Edward?"
She gasped inaudibly when Jasper pushed me forward. "I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Bella, Bella Swan," she said, extending her hand.
I took it briefly and let it drop with a gruff, "Edward Cullen."
"Edward, Bella," Angela called to us, "You two take the loveseat. Everyone else settled around the room, and I'll start the first movie."
Once everybody had chosen a spot to sit, Angela addressed everyone again. "Again, per tradition, we will start off with the 1947 classic Miracle on 34th Street. After that, it doesn't matter what we watch. Who wants to host next Friday's movie night?" she asked.
Someone raised the hand.
"Thanks, Mike. Okay, next week the Newton house same time." And with that she started the movie.
BELLA'S POV
I couldn't believe what I just heard. I would have to sit next to Edward at every rehearsal and any other get together I attended. Maybe I should just excuse myself and call Charlie to pick me up. That all changed when Angela said it was all tradition and some other babble. Okay, Bella, how bad can it be to sit next to the guy? I relented and walked over to the three boys and the two girls that were on the stage with me. One of them had to be Edward.
One of the boys pushed Edward toward me. I gasped as I took him in. He had messy bronze hair. Was this the guy who caught me? As he shook my hand, a brief jolt of electricity went up my arm. His voice was so familiar to me, but I still couldn't place when I had heard it before.
We both moved to sit where Angela indicated. Sitting stiffly next to each other, we watched the traditional movie. By the end of the movie, I had relaxed but Edward hadn't. Plus, I cried a little when the court decreed that Santa was not guilty.
Once the movie was over, I stood to stretch and asked where the bathroom was. When I finished washing my hands, I sent a quick message to Charlie—I can't say that I'm not enjoying myself. It's good to be out.
When I returned, I sat once again by Edward, loathing the closeness between us. Angela had popped in Elf. I hadn't seen it before and didn't really enjoy it. Not my type of movie. It was late when it ended, and everyone decided that two movies were enough.
As I was about to call Charlie, someone placed a hand on my shoulder. "I can give you a ride home," someone said, causing me to turn.
"Mike Newton," he said when I was facing him, extending his hand.
"Pleasure," I said. I knew that he knew who I was, and I didn't feel inclined to introduce myself.
"So, what do you say about that ride?" Mike asked again. "We could get to know each other a little better."
"No," I whispered, feeling panic beginning to build in me.
Mike had pale blue eyes, blond hair, and a baby face, but for some reason, he frightened me. And the way he had me pinned in a corner didn't help.
I didn't know what to do, and I was on the verge of breaking down. That would be bad in front of virtual strangers.
"There you are, Bella," Edward said from behind Mike. "Are you ready to go?"
Mike glanced over his shoulder at Edward and then me. Nodding, I was relieved when Mikes stepped back to let me pass. I moved quickly and toward the front door with Edward following.
Once outside, I took deep, calming breaths. "Thanks, Edward," I said. "You don't have to give me a ride. My godfather would be more than happy to come and pick me up, but if you could wait with me."
"I don't mind," he responded, walking toward what I assumed was his car. "It will give us the opportunity to get to know each other."
Opening the car door for me, he stood aside to let me climb in. Once I was inside, he shut the door gently. It didn't take him long to climb in next to me.
"Where to, Bella?"
"Star Command front gate, that's as far as you will be able to go, at this late hour. Do you know the way, or—"
Edward cut me off. "I know where the base is." He grimaced. "Sorry," he said, with the hint of guilt in his voice. "I was raised better and shouldn't have interrupted."
"No need to apologize," I said, turning slightly to face him, inviting conversation. "I keep forgetting I'm the one that doesn't know how to get places."
Edward glanced over at me before asking, "So, Bella, why haven't I seen you in school?"
Swallowing hard, I decided telling him would be for the best. I just had to be careful not to reveal too much about myself. "I'm being homeschooled right now, but my godfather made arrangements with the high school so that, if I chose, I could join some of the extra-circular activities. Until two days ago, I hadn't wanted to. He laid a guilt trip on me until I consented to go to tryouts. I never intended to actually go on stage, but … I don't know … something made me get up there today," I said, hoping he wouldn't see my blush.
The corners of his mouth turned up some. "How do you like be schooled at home?"
I laughed. "It's boring at times."
"So is regular school," he said with a chuckle. "Can I know why you're being homeschooled?"
The question hit a nerve, and I wasn't sure how to respond. "Do you mind if I don't answer. There is a reason, and for the time being, I like to keep it to myself."
He glanced at me again with a raised eyebrow, like he was about to ask "why" but decided against it. "Fair enough," his said, giving me a crooked smile. "Next question. How long have you lived in Forks?"
Looking out the window shield, I noticed we were stopped in front of the gate already. My gaze turned back to Edward and then to the gate again.
Impossible.
"I moved in with my godfather, Charlie, over two months ago. Don't ask why, I won't answer that question either," I said, giving him a slight smile. "I better get going. I'll see you Monday. Goodnight." Turning, I put my hand on the door handle.
"Let me help you out," he said. I was about to protest, but he was already out of the car and halfway around it.
The door opened and his hand appeared.
"Thank you," I said as I took his hand. "Well, goodnight again."
"Goodnight, Bella," he said as I walked toward the guardhouse.
In a daze, I continued to the officer's quarters and made my way up to the top floor. "Charlie, I'm home," I said, knowing he was still up.
"How was it?" he asked, coming out of the small kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish towel. That was odd… I did the dishes on Friday.
"Not bad," I answered. "Do you mind if I pop to Scotland? There's something that I need to check out in the library."
His glanced at the clock as I did the same. It was nearly eleven, so it would be early morning in Crail.
"It is awfully late, Bells. Can it wait until the morning?"
"No, this really can't wait. I need to know the answer now, and I would really like to go alone."
He huffed out a breath, his eyes moving to the clock again.
"Fine," he said, clearly not happy with me going at all. "Be careful and be sure to let your grandfather know you're there."
"I will."