By the time Jaal reached Resistance Headquarters, he had managed to convince himself that it had all been a mistake.
After all, it was ridiculous; and it only got more ridiculous the more he thought about it. That he, of all angara should be the only one to have an alien for a soulmate? And not just any alien, but one from so far away that he couldn't truly comprehend the time and distance she had crossed to be here.
When he considered further, not only was incredible that she should be his soulmate, it didn't actually solve anything. If she was his soulmate, he had to be hers, and what would she think of that? Did her people even have soulmates? And if she was his soulmate, why hadn't she recognized him?
No, there were too many unlikely things which would have had to occur for her to be his soulmate. Too many "first" and "only" instances for this to make sense; and who was he to be the first and only anything? No one, that's who. It simply was not possible. He had made a mistake, he had been mislead by the tension of the alien's arrival and his own longing to find his soulmate.
Jaal sighed. He needed to speak to the moshae about all this. His confusion, his longing, everything. Speaking to her always helped, they had remained close even when it became apparent that he was not suited to studying the Remnant with her. They had to rescue her.
First, though, they needed to deal with this alien, and now that he had put aside his foolish notion that she was his soulmate, he felt ready to deal with her. He was calm, focused, professional. He would get rid of this alien and then he would convince Evfra to let him attempt another rescue.
His calm assurance was enough to get him through an exchange of pleasantries when the Pathfinder arrived at Resistance HQ. It held through the brief introduction he performed for Evfra.
As Evfra and the Pathfinder spoke, Jaal's mind wandered.
Not long after the disaster of his Ritual, Moshae Sjefa came to Jaal's parents, and offered to take him as a student. His parents readily agreed, both because it was a great honor and because they hoped that the moshae's wisdom would help Jaal come to accept whatever had happened in his ritual.
Jaal was a reluctant student, unable or unwilling to grasp the importance of the Remnant technology that Moshae Sjefa investigated. However, her main goal was achieved, they shared many conversations along the way.
"Moshae, you said once that some people gave up when they couldn't find their soulmate, and found happiness elsewhere. What happens to their soulmate connection when they do that?"
It was a question he had been working up to for several weeks; ever since they'd taken shelter at a farm and met a lovely girl named Allia. It had not been difficult for the moshae to see where Jaal's attention had gone.
"Do you remember, Jaal, when I said that the connection between soulmates was something that grew stronger with practice?" He nodded, his silence indicating how interested he was in getting an answer to his question. Sjefa continued. "The opposite is also true; if you ignore the connection, ignore the emotions coming from it, it fades. It will never be entirely gone, but the emotions you feel will not be as clear, or as strong. This is why many of our people believe that finding your soulmate in this life will make it easier in your next life - living with your soulmate necessarily strengthens the connection."
Jaal considered this in silence for some time. "But would I- would someone in that position recognize their soulmate? Even if they had learned to love another?"
Moshae Sjefa nodded. "They would. And this is why there are many who choose not to pursue love elsewhere; there is much pain involved for everyone when that happens, and there are no easy answers."
Jaal nodded, and didn't speak again. The topic dropped, but didn't end there.
Several weeks later, Jaal began a relationship with Allia.
He had been deliriously happy. Then his older brother came - to visit him, ironically - and Allia finally met her soulmate. Though hurt, Jaal wasn't even able to summon anger at either of them; he would have dropped everything in an instant if he had even the faintest chance at being with his soulmate.
He would have dropped everything, for even the faintest chance…
Jaal yanked his wandering attention back to the conversation going on in front of him just in time to hear Evfra turning down the Pathfinder's offer of assistance.
Spurred by memory, Jaal found himself volunteering to join the alien's crew.
"Let me assess this alien. I'll be your eyes. I know you can spare me."
Evfra was clearly fed up with the entire situation; Jaal was counting on that, and on the fact that Evfra would be relieved to get rid of him and his constant demands for action so easily. Evfra's parting words, however, were more ominous than Jaal had expected.
Staring at his new teammate, Jaal sighed. "I hope I don't regret this."
The Tempest was a marvel. Jaal wished he could learn more about how it worked, but one of the aliens had muttered more and more loudly with each question until finally he chased Jaal out of the engine room entirely.
His interactions with the crew seemed to devolve from there. They were all focused on their own problems, and couldn't see past them to find the benefit in working with him. The Pathfinder, evidently tired of defending herself, turned the meeting over to him. When the meeting finally dispersed - Evfra would have dismissed a similar meeting of the Resistance, but the Pathfinder seemed content to let the crew wander away - he stepped back and watched her studying the information on Voeld and Havarl. She would be the one to decide where they went.
Jaal watched her, silently prodding at his soulmate connection, wondering if she felt anything from it; wondering if she even was his soulmate. She didn't give any sign that she was feeling his emotions, but she did heave a sigh and run a distracted hand through her hair. Jaal felt a sudden desire to do the same hit him like a kick to the gut.
She turned suddenly, her eyes landing on him immediately.
"Jaal." She blinked, seeming momentarily confused. "I apologize for the welcome you got here. Everyone is really nice, they're just a little preoccupied with our problems. It's been one thing after another ever since we woke up."
He nodded. "Yes, Pathfinder, my people are very much the same. When problems are large enough, they blind us to other things."
She smiled. "You can call me Sara, Jaal. Or Ryder, if you'd like."
Jaal nodded. "Ryder then. Thank you." He stared at her for a long moment, trying to decide if he should speak to her about being soulmates. But he didn't know enough about these people to take such a risk, and he still didn't know for sure that she was his soulmate. With a sigh, he decided against mentioning it until he knew more; and perhaps he should speak with the moshae first.
He realized he was still staring at Ryder. Feeling himself blush, he gave her a curt nod and stalked away.
Sara wasn't at all sure she had done the right thing, accepting Jaal Ama Darav onto her crew. He made her nervous, and she didn't think it was only because he was so serious and so… alien.
He seemed to be watching her constantly, their every conversation seemed loaded with deeper meaning than the words conveyed. She had a feeling his odd pauses were more than just a translation issue; it was like he was choosing his words very carefully.
She often heard him speaking with the rest of the team, getting to know them and letting them get to know him. When she tried to talk to him, however, he quickly told her that's enough and that they needed to establish more trust. Despite this, he watched her as she spoke to the others. Even with her back to him, she somehow knew when he was interested or annoyed with her conversations.
She felt drawn to him in a way that was completely foreign to her. But when she gave in to the feeling and went to talk to him, he would quickly push her away.
Sometimes, his regard seemed purely physical, making her want to check to be sure her hair was neatly done and her clothes fastened properly. Other times, she felt as if he was trying to see into her mind, decipher her thoughts without speech.
Sara told herself she was crazy, that he was just learning about what was socially acceptable among all these aliens. Surely he didn't mean anything by it. Surely her imagination was filling some pretty wild guesses into the gaps in her knowledge of him.
She was feeling increasingly ansty and uncomfortable aboard ship, however; she needed a break, a chance to unwind. There had been several considerations behind her decision that her first duty was to head back to Nexus and report on their discovery of Aya and the anagara. Among the first of these considerations was a longing to see Kandros, to enjoy his presence and his affection, unclouded by doubts and complications.
They had docked at the station that Cora told him was called Nexus. Jaal was looking forward to seeing it with an eagerness that surprised him; an anticipation that was ruined when Ryder swept through the ship and down the ramp like a whirlwind, leaving hasty orders for the resupply and report times in her wake. She approached a tall turian who seemed to have been waiting for her, and set off deeper into the station with him, practically bouncing with each step.
Jaal had never seen her so… happy. Unburdened. He stared after her, wondering how he could bring her that lightness, until he heard a chuckle behind him. Turning, he saw Liam walking towards him, shaking his head at the disappearing Pathfinder. At Jaal's questioning look, Liam shrugged.
"She thinks they're pretty subtle, but we all know she's seeing Kandros."
Jaal frowned in confusion as he tried to parse this sentence. "That was Kandros?" He gestured along the path Ryder had taken.
"Yep. He's the leader of the Nexus militia."
Jaal nodded. "But… seeing… him? Are we not all seeing him?"
This earned him another laugh from Liam, despite the fact that he had not been attempting humor. "It's an idiom, Jaal. 'Seeing Kandros' doesn't mean 'looking at him.'"
"Ah, another idiom." Jaal sighed, trying not to sound impatient. "And what does this one mean, then, if it does not mean what it says."
"Uhh, well, dating? I guess? Spending time with him? Romantically, maybe. Sleeping with him, for sure." When this didn't get any response, Liam added, "Get it? Jaal?"
Jaal didn't answer, his attention instead riveted on the place where he had last seen Ryder. She was… seeing… this turian. The moshae's words rang through his memory, "there is much pain for everyone involved when that happens; there are no easy answers."
Liam bumped Jaal with his elbow. "You're awfully quiet all of a sudden. Credit for your thoughts?"
"I am… fine. I was... simply considering another idiom I have learned. Your's is a strange language."
This drew a laugh from Liam, and the predictable question. "Which idiom are you considering now?"
Jaal's tone was bland, though heartfelt, when he answered.
"Well, shit."