(Warning Contains Mature themes/Drug abuse references/Mature Scenes)
"Be careful! You're gonna burn yourself!" Carol squealed while covering her face as Daryl swiftly moved himself away from the hot oven. He smirked at her slyly. Why did she think baking cookies with Daryl was a good idea? He was so prone to burning himself even when he was good at making the meal.
"Calm down, the cookies aint even going in yet" he laughed sprinkling his fingers in flour. Carol's eyes widened as some of the flour fell to the floor gracefully. Ed would kill her if he saw that mess. Her hand snappishly smacked the bowl away from Daryl sending it straight to his shirt.
"I'm so sorry" she giggled covering her mouth. He glanced down casually at the white powder now covering his shirt and shrugged although his mouth slightly curved into an awkward smile.
"You think it's funny huh?"
Before Carol could even get a second in to speak, Daryl was already flicking flour on to Carol's delicate face.
She bit her lip shyly and suddenly picked up another handful of flour and rubbed it into Daryl's hair messily.
"So that's how it is" he growled, his hands gently wrapped around her waist as he pulled her into him. His snow white thumb brushed over her ear as he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers softly "I love you so damn much"
"I love you too" She purred against his lips. His fingers trailed over her cheek, his lips moving crookedly to the left of her face.
"I aint gonna let anythin' bad happen to ya"
Carol pulled away nervously; Daryl's head was now facing the ground as if he was too ashamed to look at her.
"Why does something have to happen to me?" she smiled trying to reassure him as best she could. Daryl shook his head, his hand brushed over his hair hesitantly and he continued to stare at the ground.
"Almost everyone I care about ends up leavin' me, hurt or dead and I jus' don't want that happening to you. You're my last good dream"
"Daryl" she began, her hands cupped his face softly as she stared deeply into his sapphire eyes. "Nothing is ever gonna happen to me. I've got you and I've got myself to make sure I don't get into danger" she nodded his head with her hands "Understand me?"
Daryl nodded this time without any support from Carol. She flashed him a warm smile and pulled him into a gentle kiss whispering the words "Dance with me" quietly.
"Okay" he replied, and he moved to hold her close. Letting 'The Beatles" sweep them away like nothing else mattered. As long as they had each other, things could be good.
June
3 years later
Carol awoke with her face pressed into her pillow, her neck feeling like if she even moved it as much as an inch it would snap immediately. Although that was a risk she was willing to take. With a small groan Carol flipped herself onto her side to stare out of the window at the early morning sunlight reflecting on the glistening sea.
It wasn't even 8am yet and it already looked so tempting.
It had been 3 long years since she'd last seen or spoken to him and yet she still missed him more than the morning sky misses the night stars. After 3 years she still couldn't begin to understand what went wrong between them. Ed, that bastard Ed had been caught and was now in prison for all the shit he put her through over the years.
She could still remember the trial that awful trial where she nearly broke down in tears after having to explain all of the abuse. The jury that day was a mix of them giving Carol sympathetic looks and the other half cursing Ed in their mind if not out loud when the details got graphic. Rick sat along with Lori glaring over at Ed they were almost in tears when he got his sentence. And of course Ed, the scariest thing about him that day was that he didn't look at all remorseful in fact he looked almost proud as he smirked at her every now and then when she had to 're-live' Everything he had done to her from the moment they had been married.
Carol remembered how terrified she had been that day, especially without Daryl by her side as she spoke. He was her comfort and he hadn't shown up. Maybe he didn't know about the trial or maybe he wasn't even in the state anymore or even…
…Maybe he was just afraid.
Carol slipped herself out of her bed sleepily her legs swinging off of the ground, her eyes caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and suddenly she paused. Her fingers gently traced over the familiar scars over her arms, legs, chest anywhere that wasn't hidden away by clothing. They didn't hurt her anymore, they were just a painful reminder of the things she tried so desperately to forget.
Her hands finally touched her necklace and she relaxed her hands on top of it as she bowed her head regretfully.
"Then marry me" Daryl said softly moving his hand towards her hip.
"I will marry you then" She grinned
She stared at the sapphire ring dangling down from her necklace as she breathed heavily. It was all over now. He didn't want anything to do with her hell, he'd probably forgotten all about her and ended up with someone better than her.
She laughed quietly
Anybody was probably better than her; she'd been reminded of that countlessly on the nights Ed wanted to make her hurt without fists, just words.
Her eyes shifted to look at the faded marks around her neck and without any warning she felt her face ache with sadness, she probably deserved every minute of the pain he put her through. She wasn't a good person.
There was a quiet knock on the door.
"Come in" Carol squeaked almost noiselessly
"Mornin'!" Axel grinned cheerfully "Sophia wants-"He paused as she stared at herself blankly in the mirror, not bothering to look at him even after he wrapped his arm over her carefully. "What's the matter? You look intense"
Carol shook her head still continuing to trace her finger over her scars.
"He wouldn't tell me he loved me" she mumbled softly
Axel's weight shifted the bed as he sat on it silently, his hand slipped into hers gently and he squeezed as if that was going to knock her out of her depressive trance.
"It's been three years why you thinkin' bout him?"
Carol shrugged
"I had a dream last night about him" she paused shaking her head "Us…it triggered some things"
Axel rubbed the inside of her hand gently with his thumb causing her to shiver slightly; she looked down at their joint hands and looked back up at his face. His eyes were starting to crinkle.
"We live together. Talk to me"
Carol slipped her hand back into her lap, "I just feel a little rejected" she laughed "It's stupid it's been so long he's moved on with his life" she paused biting her lip "We were in love"
Axel shook his head, his body suddenly moving in front of hers and suddenly his cold hands were on her shoulders almost shaking her furiously.
"You've moved on! I mean fuck, Carol you co-own that damn bookstore and you raised Sophia without him or that bastard husband of yours!" he took a breath his face flushing red with firey passion "It was one bad night you'll get over it I know you will. You're strong and I'm fuckin' glad I met ya" he exhaled letting himself flop on her bed again.
Carol swept her eyes over him calmly, her hand slid underneath his back and she pulled him into a gentle hug her head burying itself in his chest.
"Thank you" she whispered softly.
"No problem, I'm sorry I yelled…I just hate seeing you so down on yourself" he hugged her closer "I'm just glad I have a woman like you"
Carol pulled away from him slowly, she moved herself to peer out of the window trying to wriggle out of Axel's reach. That uneasy yet sometimes beautiful feeling of being loved crept up on her, the feeling of being watched by another. She knew exactly how Axel felt about her; he constantly made moves on her claiming they were 'jokes' or it would sometimes be something as simple as the way he touched her it was always so soft and gentle as if he were touching something so beautiful and so delicate or the way he stared like he was discovering something new and at the same time trying to figure it out. And it wasn't his fault at all.
After Daryl decided it was time to let her go she needed comfort and so he became her comfort for three long years helping her build up. She wished so badly that she could return any of the feelings he had for her but she just couldn't. It had nothing to do with the constantly memories and regrets of the year she spent with Daryl. It was to do with the fact that he was purer than her, he hadn't done the bad things she had done and all they could ever be was friends. He was her friend and she was desperate not to lose him.
He was her build up if anything were to go wrong, she'd break down but this time she'd break down on her own and she wasn't sure she could do that again, not after everything that's happened.
Axel cleared his throat.
"Is there anything else you want to tell me? You've been awfully quiet"
"No" she answered quickly. "I'm just thinking, that's all it is…plain thoughts…"
Axel flashed Carol a winning smile, his hand made its way to her back and patted it twice before letting out a weak yawn.
"I'm gonna go downstairs and talk to Sophia about breakfast. Girl's probably starvin'"
Carol didn't respond, instead she nodded her head slowly, barely making any eye contact with Axel. Just as the door was about to shut, he poked his head around the door again.
"When you're ready to come down and Sophia's out of the house…I wanna talk to ya about somethin'" he bit the inside of his cheek "Kind of important…"
Oh no Carol thought sickly.
Carol nodded noiselessly and Axel grinned one last time before pulling the door shut. She let out a sigh of exhaustion, she knew she'd have to deal with this one day she was just hoping she'd have more time to prepare for it.
She pulled on her silky robe tiredly as her fingers brushed through her silver mess of a hairstyle, one of her fingers tangled slightly at the back of her head and Carol suddenly felt herself smiling. The soft growth of her hair made her feel…whole again. It was silly and small but it was important, it was like she was becoming her own woman again no longer being controlled and beaten to hell and back by that bastard of an ex-husband of hers.
If only he could see her now.
Carol raced down the stairs gracefully, the slam of the door echoing behind her and her robe flying up behind her almost resembling wings. When, without any warning she stopped in her tracks and lingered on the last two steps of the staircase for a moment.
Her eyes stared, a mixture of awe and curiosity waving over her as she watched Sophia and Axel sitting together and eating breakfast, almost as if they were a real family.
She stood there just staring with her arms folded over her chest as Axel making cheesy jokes so funny Sophia almost turned into a new shade of red and his eyes crinkling up at the sight of her happiness. The amount of happiness Carol felt for Sophia in one moment, was indescribable. God she hadn't seen her crack a smile until Axel had properly arrived.
At first she was weary of him, hell she wouldn't stay in the same room with him unless Carol was there. But it wasn't until the fourth week of him living with them she had even seen her smile. And then she got closer and then so close, it all seemed like she'd forgotten about everything that had happened before.
And that's exactly what Carol wanted, for her to forget. So at least one of them could remain unspoiled by the world. It wasn't until Carol was 18 years old her and her mother finally got away from her father's drunken wrath, by that time it was already too late for Carol.
But it wasn't for Sophia. And that's what mattered the most.
Axel turned his eyes towards Carol, a big toothy grin taking up a lot of his face. His hands signalled her to join them at the table, so she did quietly.
"Hi Mommy" Sophia beamed, still red from her laughter.
"Morning" she grinned, kissing the top of her head.
Axel pulled out a chair quickly, "I made eggs or at least I tried to" he paused looking down at the eggs on the plate "Sorry"
Carol nodded carefully forking at her food. On most days Carol would do the cooking, not because Axel made her but mainly because she was definitely the better cook out of the two of them. He'd always offer to cook before she quickly declined.
Things were just better that way.
"Before, why were you jus' standin' there?" asked Axel sipping his coffee. "You okay?"
"Of course I am…I-I always am. I'm just tired that's all"
Axel's foot tapped her gently under the table, followed by a warm smile, "You know I've been meaning to say, summers coming and I was thinkin' we could take a trip. Just the three of us"
"Well, where did you have in mind?" She asked timidly.
"I was thinkin'…Atlanta! It's a pretty big city. Beautiful at night"
Carol felt her insides squeeze.
"Atlanta." The name didn't roll off of her tongue as easily as before "I haven't been there for three years…It-It'll be nice, to get away for a little bit"
Just as Axel was about to open his mouth to speak the shrill cry of the phone rang out. Sending Carol out of her seat with no hesitation.
"Hey are you sure you don't want me to get that, you just sat down!" called out Axel but Carol shook her head and proceeded to race up the stairs. She needed an excuse to stop eating, the bitter taste of a half-cooked runny egg was beginning to kill any taste buds she had left.
Carol pressed the phone softly to her ear and sighed deeply trying to make her voice sound as awake as possible.
"Hello Carol, oh it's so great to hear your voice again"
Her heart skipped a beat, but not in an at all pleasant way.
"What do you want?" she sighed accidentally rudely.
"I'm sorry, did I call at a bad time? You don't sound happy"
Carol shook her head stupidly, her hands clasping desperately onto the phone as if she was going to lose Lori again.
"No-Sorry I'm just a surprised that's all. How are you? It's been a while…"
Carol could hear Lori moving around with the phone, most likely getting ready to tell her a lot of new information. Hopefully none of it would be bad. Carol mimicked her, settling herself against her mattress and pressing the phone against her ear.
"Well, the first thing is the reason why I'm calling you. A year ago Rick and I had a daughter"
Carol felt herself grin, "What's her name?"
"Judith. Carl helped us with the name"
"What's this got to do with me?"
"I want you to come down and visit it's her first birthday and Andrea's gonna be here with Dale"
Her stomach twisted, she tried to bite her lip to keep herself from speaking but she couldn't control it until she finally in almost a whisper asked
"What about Daryl?"
There was a long pause between them and she instantly knew it meant bad news. Why did she ask? She should've kept her mouth shut.
"You don't need to worry about him. When you get here I'll explain everything I promise you" there was a smile in her voice although she was certain it was forced.
Carol sighed, her fingers played nervously with the shorts of her hair.
"I'm sorry I don't know if I can…"
"Carol you're my best friend and I haven't seen you in three years I miss you. Please come" she said almost pleadingly.
Carol paused again taking a second thought
Dammit
"When do you want me to come down and how long do you want me?" she sighed.
"Can you come down later today and maybe stay the weekend? Rick will drop you home so you don't have to pay for two sets of tickets. I'm sorry this is such short notice but I was just hesitant…I hope you can understand"
"I do Lori. It's okay"
"It's just been so long" she sighed breathily.
"Too long" she breathed throwing her head back exhaustedly. "I'll come down with Sophia later today okay?"
"Okay. Carl's gonna be so happy to see her and Rick…Rick's missed you sometimes I think more than me"
"I'll see you later" Carol smiled to herself before hanging up the phone and leaning her head against her drawers. God, it had been a long time. The last time she and Lori had spoken was when everything had suddenly felt like it was crumbling around her. She wasn't completely sure why that was, maybe she was just angry for being misled or simply just out of fear she'd get more bad news. Whatever it was she was grateful that Lori had called her. She missed having someone else to speak to, especially an old friend.
There was a soft knock at the door and Carol snapped her head around quickly to see Axel standing in the doorway.
"Everything okay?"
Carol held the phone up to her chest, "It was Lori, she wants me to come back home and visit them for the weekend" she swallowed dryly "They had a little girl so I'm seeing her"
Axel sat down on the bed
"That's nice, is Sophia going too?"
Carol grinned, "I think Carl will be disappointed if I don't bring her"
Axel nodded, there was a long uncomfortable silence between them until she finally heard Axel sigh.
"Are you gonna go see him?"
"I-I don't know yet…I might see how he's doing but I don't know" she said shakily half surprised that Axel had even brought him up. She knew exactly how he felt about her previous relationship with Daryl.
Axel nodded looking slightly disappointed, he sighed again.
"I guess you'll need someone to watch the place, while you're gone"
Carol tilted her head towards him and shook her head, she'd feel awful if she just abandoned him here after all he's done for her.
"Don't be stupid, you can come with me and meet them" she smiled gently. Axel's hand slipped into hers slowly as he began to play with her fingers, softly lifting them up and down.
"Nah, this is a nice place so anythin' could happen. An' anyway I got my gun"
"You mean your plastic gun?" she laughed while raising an eyebrow. Axel gave her a warm smile and suddenly he leaned over to kiss her forehead gently causing Carol to freeze.
"Yeah but they don't know that" he muttered pulling away. Carol stared up at him her eyes blinking quickly, he was making this a lot harder than it needed to be. She let go of his hand slowly and turned her body to face the wall again. She opened her mouth to tell him that nothing was ever going to happen between them until she looked up at his face. So happy and so innocent, she couldn't do it.
She didn't want to ruin it for him.
"I'll see you when I get back"
"Okay" he began making his way back towards the door "There was one more thing I was meaning to talk to you about but it didn't seem like the right moment, you know in front of Sophia." He stared at her for a few seconds, "Never mind. I'll talk to you about it when I get back it…it can wait"
Carol took a deep breath, "Are you sure?"
She shouldn't have asked.
"Of course just stay safe. Alright?" He smiled before shutting the door softly behind him. Carol glanced down at the sapphire ring dangling on her necklace and covered it delicately with her hand.
"I'll try to…"
….
The wind howled noisily as Carol and Sophia waited silently on the train station platform, she glanced down at the tickets which were booked for 2pm. Axel had given them a ride to the train station and the whole way there Carol couldn't seem to stop moving, those familiar pains in her stomach had return and she felt a mix of excitement and dread. Mostly dread.
She'd rolled the windows up and down, played with her own fingers or little sections of her hair and hum. Axel probably had noticed her nervousness because every now and then she would feel his hand covering hers reassuringly, to which she'd squeeze back politely and continue to stare out of the window.
Carol glanced down at Sophia slumped against her shoulder, her hand brushed her soft blonde hair back gently. It had been so long since she had seen anyone back home and she knew how much people changed over time. Look at the way she changed. She hoped with any ounce of hope she had inside that they hadn't changed too much or that the world hadn't become so cruel they lost whatever sense of humanity they had left. Especially Daryl.
Carol leaned her head back and shut her eyes. Lori mentioned him losing sleep over Ed and drinking and how much worse it was getting. She despised the idea of Daryl hurting himself in any way, she just wanted him to be safe. He'd always told her to stay safe, oh why couldn't he have listened to himself instead of going on such a reckless path?
Sophia stirred sleepily, "How long is the train ride gonna be?"
Carol hugged her closer, "About 4 hours" Sophia groaned miserably causing Carol to let out a weak laugh.
"Don't worry when we get to Rick and Lori's you can rest up. We got a whole weekend ahead of us. Are you excited?"
"Yeah I wanna see Carl and his little sister" she grinned before making another face, this time a lot less happy "Are we…gonna see Daryl?" she asked nervously.
Carol was completely taken back, "Why would we?" she asked half croakily. Sophia shrugged resting her head on Carol's shoulder again.
"I don't know he's our friend I guess…"
Carol stroked Sophia's cheeks softly, "I don't know" she sighed.
The sound of the train rumbled noisily through the station and Sophia shut her eyes tightly as if she was 12 years old again.
"I miss Daryl" she whispered
"I know sweetheart, I know…" she breathed. As soon as the train stopped in front of the two of them Carol took Sophia's hand lightly and led her towards the train.
The train was beautiful despite the bad memories of three years ago when her life changed for the worst. As she sat down across from Sophia, she couldn't help but stare at the bench sitting on the platform. It reminded her of that last kiss she shared with Daryl just before he let her go forever. The last time he showed any affection for her and the last time she realised how much more she wanted to spend the rest of her days with him. Carol glanced down at the ring on her necklace, maybe she should just give it back to him and let that be the end of it.
The train ride was long and tiring, Carol and Sophia sat in a complete silence which in all honestly didn't surprise Carol at all. Throughout the majority of the journey Carol was caught between sleeping and staring out of the window, either way she'd still be alone with her thoughts. The only thing Carol could think of which was good about this was the scenery, God it was beautiful.
The Good old Georgia weather
The more she stared the more her thoughts drew back to Daryl. Would he even want to see her? Maybe he'd met someone new…maybe he'd moved on and had his own family now. Maybe he was happy. Or in the worst case scenario maybe he was even worse than what Lori described three years ago and she'd be visiting his grave.
All the thoughts pounded around in her head and it made the pain she was feeling even worse. She shook her head gently and narrowed her eyes over to Sophia cuddled up in her own little hoodie. Carol smiled softly before copying her and letting herself drift off to sleep.
…
After hours of moving the train finally came to a jolted stop causing Carol to jerk awake after smacking her head on the window. She rubbed her painful head softly as her eyes swept over Sophia who was already sitting up and looking slightly impatient.
"Don't worry I'm ready to get up" Carol beamed reassuringly, her hand slipped straight into Sophia's and they made their way through the crowds of people stepping off of the train, some of them groaning and muttering things at the two of them as they pushed their way to the sunlight of outside.
But they didn't care because after all this time they were finally
Home
The two of them were outside of the train station within minutes which felt like magical seconds. Carol's stomach squeezed painfully, she removed her hand from Sophia's and clutched it for a second.
They were home!
They were home…
Carol suddenly felt small hands link in with hers again and she looked down to see Sophia smiling up at her reassuringly.
"It's gonna be okay. Don't be afraid, he can't hurt us anymore can he?"
Carol shook her head, "I should be saying that to you" she paused "Thank you" she added on quickly her eyes searching for Rick's car as the outside began to be flooded with people, she got on her tiptoes and searched, it had to be around here somewhere. Carol pushed through more crowds of people, Sophia not far behind. Her eyes looked to the ground as she walked, her eyes following people's shoes until she came to one smart pair.
Her body froze and so did her eyes as they locked onto one single man's face. A man with a straggly beard and a long-ish neat hairstyle, his smile was broken and his eyes were full of tears as if he was seeing the stars in the sky for the first time in a long time.
"Carol…" His voice was shaking.
"Rick-" Before Carol could finish her sentence, Rick's arms were already all over her clutching her tightly as if he were afraid she'd float away. The moment of shock washed away as she finally let herself melt into him. Her arms wrapping around his strong body.
"It's good to see you" he sniffed, she could feel his body shaking and his tears falling delicately onto his shirt.
"It's great to see you" she grinned although her face started to crumple slightly. His hands rested onto each sides of her shoulders as he stared at the two of them making sure he got one long look as if it would be his last.
"I'm so glad you're safe. Both of you" he smiled tearfully.
"Same to you. Being a cop and all" she sniffed wiping away her tears with the back of her hand gently as she looked Rick up and down. He looked a hell of a lot more run down than usual, his hair was a lot longer than she remembered and messier although it had been brushed back neatly along with a messy beard which looked as soft as wool.
He looks more grown up Carol thought suddenly frowning at her own views. Maybe he was forced to grow up more because of me and the rest of the fucked up situation. Carol thought suddenly angry with herself.
"What's wrong?" Rick asked noticing her frown.
Carol shook her head.
"It's nothing you just look different…it's nice" she beamed politely.
"I could say the same thing about you" he chuckled lightly "You finally let your hair grow a little" He grinned, glancing down at himself and shaking his head. "Sorry about the mess I've been working in the garden" He paused letting out another small laugh "You know Lori's always talking about how much she hates that damn garden!"
Carol put her hands on her hips giving him a fake glare although the corners of her mouth were already curving. "Just admit it Rick, you're cheating on Lori with your garden aren't you?"
Rick turned his keys in the car and turned to Carol while resting a single hand on her shoulder, he had more of a serious demeanour.
"Don't tell anybody" he said before smirking and patting her on the back.
To much of Carol's surprise, she couldn't seem to keep her eyes off of Rick on the drive back home, her eyes swept over him from his dirty plain shirt to his raggedy beard. For the majority of the time Rick kept his eyes firmly on the road, barely looking up and clearly not as surprised at how much she had changed as she was. Although when they did reach the traffic lights, he did glance over grinning slightly.
She just didn't understand how he had changed so much in 3 years…
She guessed, they all changed in the end.
That was the scary thing about time, it takes away what you love slowly and sneakily without you even realising it. Not until it's too late and everything is gone.
No warnings, No mercy. Just time.
"You excited to see Lori? She hasn't stopped going on about you for a while" he breathed, his hand fiddling with the radio in the car.
She widened her eyes in surprise "Really? It's been so long…"
Rick rubbed his beard, "I know" he paused for a moment taking one long glance at her "Times been good to you"
"E-Excuse me?"
"You look great, you look a lot healthier now" he paused again this time his eyes were facing the wheel not her "I'm glad you're safe…that you could get away from it all" he sighed.
"I guess I'm one of the lucky ones" Carol frowned. Rick shook his head, one of his hands stroked his hair back as the other rested on the wheel.
"It's not luck, you survived and I'm proud of you Carol, I really am. Not just with Ed but with everything against you in the world and I'm proud you could still make it, out there without anyone but yourself. You did it without me, Lori…" he wavered for a second before exhaling "…Daryl…" His head turned to look at the road again as the lights changed from red to green and Carol glanced over at him nervously. She could still see him nodding to himself despite the fact that nobody was speaking.
Maybe he was still speaking in his head
His eyes were locked on the road, his formally calm demeanour rapidly changing to a more serious one. Both hands were locked on the wheel and Carol could see the veins standing out in his hands, which were slightly shaking. She moved her hand slightly in attempt to calm him but she quickly decided against it and thought to herself,
Fuck it
Before breaking the awkward silence between them.
"How's Daryl?"
Rick's eyes didn't move nor did his hands.
"I haven't seen him in 3 years" he said firmly, his eyes squinting slightly.
Carol's first instinct was to cover her mouth in fear she'd cry out, the second was the look out of the window and pretend he hadn't said that. She wanted to pretend a lot of things were going to happen while others hadn't. In her mind all she could ever want in one moment is for Rick to be joking for him to turn to her and slap her on the thigh saying
'I'm kidding! He's fine!'
And for the butterflies in her stomach to just fly out of her into oblivion so that she could finally feel free from all the anxiety she had inside. For Rick to just pull up in front of his home and for Daryl to be the one greeting her at the door and being reduced to tears when he finally gets them back while telling her how much he loved her and maybe
Just maybe
They could finally be good.
But it was all a broken fantasy.
The last time she had heard anything about Daryl, his life was going down into a downward spiral and he was just gone. Maybe he'd end up like Merle, he had explained to her before that Merle had a problem with drugs when they were growing up, especially when things got tough. Daryl had found him in the hallway one night and he asked him how it felt and Merle had said in a half slurred voice that it felt good, kind of peaceful. Like he was floating away from all his problems and things were okay for once. He told Carol that growing up alone after Merle left, he always wondered if he could do that, just take the easier path and just be done with everything. But when Merle came back he threatened to knock his teeth in if he ever saw him using.
For Daryl it was so easy for him to get mixed up in his emotions, even if he rarely showed them. Carol shut her eyes, the thoughts making her head ache. After all this time she cared, she still cared if he were passed out somewhere with a needle in his arm or worse dead with nobody to know or care who he is.
It wasn't until Rick's hand had touched hers that she had realised her breathing had changed.
"I'm sure he's fine" he muttered
Carol's eyes snapped towards him and this time her hand was firmly on his arm.
"Can you promise me that?"
Rick didn't respond, he barely even moved any inch. It was like he was frozen in one moment. Carol shook her head and feared for the worst.
"What happened? Just please tell me"
Rick gave her a small look, "It doesn't matter now, we'll talk about it later"
"Rick-"
"We'll talk with Lori too"
Carol opened her mouth to protest in anger but quickly shut her mouth again, her words felt too trapped on her tongue anyway. She nodded quietly and rested her head in the palm of her hand as she stared out of the window watching all of the cars whiz past her in a blur.
She looked up at the sky for a moment and then shut her eyes lighty.
She prayed he was alive.
…
The three of them slipped out of the car and Rick rushed to the back to grab their bags politely refusing Carol's help as she tried to grab one of the bags.
"Go ring the doorbell, I'll be up in a second" Rick huffed balancing a bag on his knee. Carol nodded slowly and paced towards the door, she slipped her hand into Sophia's hand for a brief moment until she shook her off hissing
"I'm 15!"
Carol smirked down at her and gave her a playful kick before ringing the doorbell. The house had barely changed even though everything felt so different. She gazed over her shoulder to see the famous little plants growing near the front.
"Are these yours?" Carol called out
"Been growing them for about a month now!" he called back proudly.
"They're beautiful!"
Rick, in response gave her a beautiful smile before dipping his head back into the trunk of the car.
Without any warning the door began to slowly open and Carol felt the corners of her mouth curve into a smile, despite her surprise. Andrea opened the door, her long blonde locks blowing back slightly with the wind. She smiled a pearly white smile and without any hesitation wrapped her arms around Carol before she could even say anything. Her arms were tight against her and Carol could hear her sighing on her shoulder.
"It's really good to see you" Carol breathed patting her on the back.
Andrea pulled away shaking her head "No it's great to see you" she looked Carol up and down almost proudly "You look so alive now, I'm so glad-" she paused on her own words "After what happened with Ed I didn't see you. I didn't know how bad the damage was I-"
Carol pulled her into a softer hug, "I'm fine now and that's all that matters. I don't want to dwell too much"
Andrea nodded and turned her eyes to look down at Sophia, she rested one hand on her shoulder gently.
"You've grown up so much, you look a lot like your mom"
Sophia nodded shyly, her eyes looking past Andrea to see if anyone else was behind her and Andrea pointed outside at Rick balancing the bags on himself.
"Does he need help?"
"I tried offering but he refused" she sighed.
Andrea shook her head smiling, "Yeah, Rick's like that"
Carol glanced behind Andrea for a moment and noticed that she was alone. No Dale, No Lori or Carl. Why was she answering the door?
Andrea must've noticed her glance because she suddenly let out a nervous laugh saying
"Oh! Lori's upstairs with Judith"
"What about Dale?"
Andrea sighed folding her arms "He slipped a disc and told me to go ahead without him" She shook her head "He would've been happy to see you"
Sophia suddenly started tugging at Andrea's shirt,
"Is Carl here?" she asked shyly and blushing, actually blushing.
Andrea and Carol exchanged looks, the two of them grinning from ear to ear. Andrea's hand slipped onto Sophia's back and she led her inside of the house.
"He's in the backyard-"
There was no surprise, almost seconds after being told of Carl's location she sprinted through the house and into the backyard, straight into Carl's arms. They both watched the two of them embracing and Carol's heart completely melted.
To think she'd kept them apart this long.
Suddenly there was a creaking from the top of the staircase as a door carefully opened. There was a pair of feet fitted nicely into a pair of boots and Carol's eyes moved up the long slender legs to only see Lori staring back at her.
Carol's breath hitched in her throat and Lori's face softened.
"Carol…" she began, making her way down to a frozen Carol. As she paced closer Carol's eyes switched between her and the baby snuggled up in her arms, she found herself smiling.
The baby girl had a messy tuft of hair on her head while she gazed up at Carol with curiosity, she looked at Carol with her father's eyes. She was perfect.
Lori stopped in front of Carol and almost on queue Andrea moved forward to take little Judith away from her, hushing her when she began to whimper.
"Lori…"
"Hello" Lori smiled softly
And Carol abruptly threw herself forward as Lori wrapped her arms around her, both of them sighed heavily into one and other. Lori's head was pressed into Carol's shoulder while Carol's fingers played with her hair gently. She closed her eyes. This was the moment she wanted to live in forever, a quiet sense of security with the people she loved most in this world.
Lori let her go, "I'm glad you're here" she smiled tearfully before taking her hand "Come into the kitchen, Rick cooked before he left"
Carol nodded complying and they ended up sitting around the table just the four of them (And Judith) drinking juice and eating home-cooked meals like nothing had gone wrong in the last few years. They laughed and they joked and it seemed so surreal. She had been away from this feeling for such a long time, none of it felt real.
There was a slight guilt inside of Carol that she shouldn't have been just sitting there and enjoying herself while Daryl was still out there possibly sick or dead. Either way she couldn't just leave him like that she cared too much.
Carol took a sip of her juice and cleared her throat causing all of them to turn their eyes towards her. She felt a slight hint of anxiety but proceeded to open her mouth anyway.
"I don't mean to ruin this all for you but…I need your help…please" she said almost helplessly.
"Are you in trouble?" asked Rick
Carol took a deep breath, the words almost shaking as they came out.
"I need to know where Daryl is"
Lori shut her eyes while shaking her head, as if to say 'not this shit again'.
"Carol it's been three years"
"I know that but-"
"You don't know where he is! Or who he could be with now" Andrea interrupted angrily. Carol's eyes squinted at the realisation of what she was implying, she slammed her palm onto the table and leaned forward.
"I'm not interested in screwing him if that's what you're implying!" she spat "I just need to know if he's okay! For God's sake"
"Carol…" Andrea began but Carol ignored her and slipped away from her seat her eyes locking with each and every one of them.
"Nobody is even bothering to look for him! And I need to know if he's dead or alive"
The three of them exchanged looks and nodded. Lori pushed her chair out,
"Can you take Judith for a few minutes?" she muttered quietly. Rick nodded silently as his hands carefully reached for Judith while Lori took Carol by the hand and led her up the stairs.
Just like old times.
Carol sat on her bed once again as Lori stood over her with both arms crossed firmly against her chest.
"What exactly are you planning on doing when you find him?" she hissed sternly
"It really depends on his state" she cleared her throat "If he's sick I'm staying to take care of him or at least get him the help he needs" she stared up at Lori with big sad eyes "I know him and I know I need to help him pull it together or he's gonna get worse and worse. I just…I can't let him get like that he's come too far for that"
Lori was silent for a moment, her lip being slightly chewed on as she stared down at the ground until she sighed and unfolded her arms.
"I think we need to have a talk about what happened after you left…It's important…" Lori sat down next to her "I want you to understand what he went through so…so you're not taken by surprise when you see him I want to fix this in fact I'd give anything to change what happened…"
"You told me about the drinking"
Lori shook her head, her eyes fluttering shut.
"I know but that wasn't the only thing sending him further down….he drank, he barely slept and got depressed. It was like for a long time he could barely even function properly, like there was something dark over him. It wasn't until we finally got him to snap out of it he started acting normally again but then there were some issues…"
Carol's heart skipped a beat
"Issues?"
"His Dad, not long after you left they discovered he had lung cancer, but you know more about his relationship with his Dad than me. I just know he didn't want to see him so Merle got pissed at him that's one of the reasons he told us he left Merle".
Carol could guess the other reason.
"Anyway, after a few months he got a call…his Dad was on the verge of death so he called him in. I guess that screwed with him a little bit and then he went to your house although he never really explained why he just kept telling us if we asked 'reasons' and that's when he found Ed. He got arrested and then after a few days he left without much explanation he just told us he didn't really belong here he just didn't want to see us anymore…"
Carol kept her head bowed as she noticed Lori had left out one part of the story, she was unsure whether this was on purpose or not or maybe she didn't even know.
"Daryl called me…" she said in almost a whisper
Lori's eyes widened and her hand suddenly clutched her arm turning it into a bright shade of red.
"When?"
"…The same day you called me about Ed…"
"What…What did he say if you don't mind me ask-"
"He just ended things with me" she said silkily and suddenly her voice became shaky "he thought he was too dangerous to be around me and he blamed himself for everything" This time Carol began to feel her body shake "he didn't even-" Carol paused, she straightened her back and cleared her throat. "It doesn't matter. I just need to find him and make sure he's okay. I may not love him anymore but I have to know if he's okay"
Lori nodded, this time understandingly. She got up from the bed causing it to speak, her fingers playing nervously with each other as she paced for a moment.
Carol could still sense the dead silence downstairs, not even Judith had made a sound. Lori stepped closer and Carol could smell the powdery scent of a baby on her chest.
"Where are you going to start?"
Carol hesitated for a moment and thought to herself as she played with the shorts of her hair and licked her lips dryly.
"Who do you think would know the most about him?" she finally asked.
"His brother is a small possibility and for a few months he worked with a man called Martinez in some dirty old bar they seemed close…"
Carol nodded and made a plan in her head. First she would visit Merle, despite the amount of hatred she shared for that man she knew she needed him to help her. The only question that moved around in her head was if he would be willing to help her? After all his downward spiral into depression was her fault and she took away one of his best friends.
She wouldn't be surprised if he spat at her.
And then there was Martinez he must've been from the drunken deer although she didn't recognize the name. Maybe Phillip would be there instead, they seemed like good friends too…
Carol forced her face into a smile as she wrapped her arms around Lori tightly whispering the words,
"Thank you"
Lori sniffed lightly and pulled away
"You should leave now before it gets too dark for you to be alone"
Carol nodded and paced towards the door, her hand swinging it open almost too eagerly. Just as she was about to move through the door she paused for a moment and turned to look at Lori.
"Why do you care?" she asked
"Excuse me?" Lori said wiping her eyes.
"The first time I brought Daryl to meet you, you looked like you could kill him"
Lori smiled, a tear rolling down her cheek.
"That was before he saved you and became family" her voice shook as her cheeks got wet "I suppose he grew on me" she shook her head "Please bring him back Carol" she cried brokenly "Just bring him back home"
"I promise I will" she croaked before closing the door shut and gasping for her own air. Her hands slipped through her hair softly.
This time she wasn't going to give up.
She was going to save the man afraid to fall and help him rise.
And hopefully this time things could be good.
…
Carol didn't hesitate, she said her goodbyes to Rick and Andrea and apologised for the impoliteness although they understood, Rick had even been nice enough to lend her one of the cars they had in the garage. Sophia barely even noticed her leaving, she was too focused on Carl.
It took her a very long time to get to Merle's house, it had been such a long time since they had been sneaking around praying not to get caught by either Merle or Ed. Carol laughed to herself they were so foolish. And now everything was finally out in the open and she didn't feel nearly as afraid as she would have three years ago. Damn, three years it took for Carol to become properly human again and all it took was taking one soul sucking person out of her life.
She glanced down the street hesitantly, they didn't look as neat as Rick and Lori's neighbourhood and she could sense glares coming towards her almost each corner she turned. Maybe they were friends of Merle and Ed and they had known what she had done. Or they simply could see what kind of person she was no matter how hard she tried to hide it.
Carol finally came to a stop and when she spotted something in one of the driveways, her heart skipped a beat.
It was Daryl's motorcycle.
Almost with no reluctance, she hopped out of the car with the keys clutched tightly in a fist and slammed the car door almost sprinting to the front door. Her heart hammered as her fist banged on the door and in one single moment any sense of hope she had disappeared into oblivion as Merle's dry face stared back at her.
Her heart suddenly felt like had stopped thumping against her ribs. His eyes were a deep shade of emotionless blue. If looks could kill Carol would have already been dead.
"Get the fuck off of my property" he growled, his breath stinking of booze.
Carol's eyes were locked with Merle's, she kept her face straight despite the overwhelming urge to run but she couldn't. If she wanted Daryl to be okay she had to face her demons.
"I want to know where Daryl is" she said bravely yet shakily.
Merle's mouth curved into a smile and a strong chuckle came from his mouth. His breath stunk of a mix of alcohol, cigarettes and a hint of weed. She wrinkled her nose before taking a step forward as she tried peeking her head through the gap in-between Merle's arm.
He must've noticed her looking because he very swiftly stepped aside.
"Look around. This place has been occupied by old Merle about 3 years now"
Carol glanced around and shook her head confused while she scratched at her wrist, her feet took her straight into where Daryl's room was and he was right.
It was completely empty all that could be seen in the darkness was a dirty mattress, a few torn up books and a blanket.
This isn't right. It can't be right Carol thought to herself sickly.
Merle crept up behind her, his hips pressed against her as his hands cupped her waist roughly.
"Happy? Now like I said get the fuck out. I don't ever want to see your face again"
Carol swallowed nervously.
"I need to talk to you. Please" she said almost pleadingly. Merle pulled a sarcastic face and proceeded to walk to the kitchen and pull out a chair.
"Sorry I haven't exactly got my fanciest chairs out but you know not everybody is at privileged as you"
Carol ignored him and gently pulled out a chair. Her fingers tapped rhythmically as she watched Merle pull out a bottle of whiskey along with two small glasses. He took a sharp gulp and slammed the glass on the table staring at her.
"So, what does the mouse want to ask me?"
"I just need to know what happened between you two it might give me a clue to where he is" she said softly although she had originally been yelling this at Merle in her head.
Merle shook his head grinning slightly as he did it.
"I don't want you anywhere near my baby brother. You already done enough shit to him, I don't need ya prancing in again and fuckin' his life up" he growled through bare teeth.
She couldn't fucking believe him, she was so close to yelling in his face.
"I don't understand why you're so furious at me. Because you know what? You did this to him, you told Ed that night he beat the shit out of me and then things got bad from then!" she snapped.
Merle threw a dirty hand up, "Whatever Bitch"
"I could save his fucking life! He could be sick somewhere I could help him and bring him home to you" she sighed "I don't want him Merle I just want him safe once he's back you can have him I promise you"
Merle stared at her with sincere eyes, "If you're lying I'll make sure you fucking pay for it"
Carol nodded understandingly as she watched Merle take another deep gulp from his whiskey,
"Ed should've finished you off…" he muttered quietly.
Carol banged a single fist on the counter furiously,
"Well he didn't!" she snapped back "And I'm still here and he's locked up. So deal with it" she growled, looking as if she was about to rip Merle's throat out with her teeth.
Merle gave her a sharp stare, "You've got some balls speakin' to me like that"
"I'm not afraid of you anymore or Ed or anyone else. So you know what I want? I want you to stop treating me like I'm some kind of monster and grow the fuck up so I can help find your brother. Because if you cared…if you cared you'd be telling me what I need to know"
Merle's face screwed up in a fiery passion mixed with rage and sorrow, he stuck one large finger into Carol's chest pressing it in roughly as he spat the words
"Fuck You!"
He lifted his hand and Carol stood up sharply, leaning in closely to Merle's body.
"Do it. I dare you." She leaned in even closer "If you lay a finger on me I hope you know I'll sock you right back" she spat.
He paused for a moment, his hand shook and he quickly covered himself in frustration.
"I do fucking care but he he's fucking stupid. And you're the whore that caused this mess in the first place! You wanna know what fucking happened?" he snarled "When you left my brother wouldn't come out of his room for 2 weeks maybe more I can barely remember now. And on top of that our fucking dad was dying! When he finally came out he started screaming all this shit about how I'm a fucking bad person and it's my fault and how much he loved ya. Made me sick, we got in a fight he knocked my head against the wall and when I woke up he was gone"
He paused taking a breath.
Carol stood in a stunned silence until she finally cleared her throat and opened her mouth again, although she was weary.
"…So that was the last time you saw him?"
"Nah, the last time I saw him was in a prison cell for beating on your man. I told the fuckin' cops he could rot in there"
"You care huh"
"I fucked up! Man I was still shit faced Dad had died the night before I was pissed off at him I thought he deserved the punishment…" Merle's voice broke and so did the support of his body as his head sunk into his hands and his body slouched against the counter.
"I just want my brother back…He's a fuckin' idiot but dammit I care about him" He shook his head "God" he said breathily.
Carol stood there quietly, she attempted to rest her hand on Merle's shoulder gently but he shook her off still aggressive.
"I know…And I promise I'll bring him back to you"
Merle looked up at her, "Why are you doing this?" he asked weakly.
"Because he saved me and now I've got to save him before it's too late" she sighed simply.
Merle nodded and without any warning grabbed the whole bottle of whiskey off of the table and gulped it down, he wiped his mouth dirtily with his hand.
"Go down to the 'Drunken Deer' and talk to Martinez. He worked with him last"
Carol didn't say anything and steadily moved towards the door before Merle called out huskily
"If he's dead. That's. On. You"
Merle followed her to the door and watched as she climbed into her car letting the radio play softly. She turned to him and whispered the words
"I know" before taking off down the street, not looking back at him once.
…
It was a long drive. A lot longer than she remembered it being. She smiled to herself, her and Daryl used to take long drives when they could. It was near the beginning of their relationship when Daryl had driven both her and Sophia to a small abandoned park. At first she was hesitant at going in there in fear of being lost until Daryl gently took her hand and told her it was a secret little park just for her that's why there's no people. He took her by both hands and said you'll always be safe in here and if you're still afraid of being lost lil girl, just know if you're lost you can always be found I promise you.
In that moment she remembered falling into deeper love with him.
She stared out of the window as the lights turned red. What he said was something that strangely kept her going, knowing that one day no matter how far she had fallen she could still be save or 'found'.
She shook her head, tearing up slightly. She wished he listened to himself more often then maybe he wouldn't be so lost now.
The lights changed and suddenly Carol's heart broke a little bit at the sight of the broken down yet big, crimson sign just ahead of her. This was one another example of one of Daryl's broken homes, she wondered if he still continued to come here at Christmas. She felt saddened at the thought that he'd probably spent Christmas alone and drunk as usual.
When Carol pushed the door open she expected there to be crowds of people hanging out but all she was left with was a dead silence. She slowly made her way to the bar to see a man with his head down. He had smooth brown skin, a white baseball cap and a vest. As she sat down she noticed a bracelet with a hospital number on it.
She wondered if this was Martinez.
Carol cleared her throat, despite it echoing through the dark dirty place it didn't wake Martinez up. Carol then moved a single finger and poked him gently on his arm.
"Poke me again and I'll break it" he muttered groggily.
Carol raised an eyebrow "Excuse me?"
Martinez lifted his head sleepily,
"Sorry I thought you were my asshole brother" Carol nodded, she watched Martinez pull himself up shakily and move one hand out. "So what do you want?" he asked scratching his chin.
"I'm looking for a man called Daryl. Daryl Dixon"
He must've recognized the name because the very next thing he did was turn his back to her, his arms were folded firmly across his chest and his head was bowed.
"You aint gonna find him here, he's long gone. Don't even know where the fucker is" He paused for a moment, his head slightly turning to look at her. "Who's he to you anyway?"
"I'm just a friend"
He turned to look at her, "What's your name?" he asked yawning.
"Carol"
In one moment Martinez's entire demeanour changed, his face was a mix of surprise and relief and suddenly his arms looked like they were twitching, almost desperate to wrap themselves around her.
"Y-You're Carol?" he let out a loud chuckle, his face brightening "Daryl talked a lot about you…when he was drunk not so much when he was sober" he muttered scratching the back of his head nervously.
Carol shut her eyes tightly Christ she thought painfully.
"Is he or at least was he okay when you saw him?"
Martinez bit his lip for a moment, not responding. The look in his eyes scared Carol because he looked almost as scared as her.
"Shit" he muttered scrambling underneath the counter "If I give ya this you aint gonna tell nobody. Got it?"
"Yes" Carol called trying to peak her head over the bar. Martinez quickly slammed a piece of scrap paper onto the bar and then into Carol's hands gently. It had a few creases, probably from being folded and unfolded thousands of times and little tears on the sides. A number and a street name was written messily in red. She recognized the street name along with the apartment building, it was one of the smallest in the area.
She played with it, "Why are you giving this to me? You barely know me" she muttered.
"Because he's fucking wrecked without you and according to what he told me you were one of the best things he ever had. Look, he won't listen to me and I know that he won't listen to his damn brother so maybe he'll listen to you, get him to act human again" He took a breath his face turning slightly red.
"Thank you" Carol nodded she turned her back about to head for the door when she paused for a moment, her head turning to look back at Martinez "How bad did he get?" she asked her heart hammering at the response.
He shook his head, "Let's just say I was preparing for the funeral"
Carol shook her head, her hands met with her face and she could feel them beginning to get damp again. She really fucking hated crying in front of people, it made her feel weak.
"Is he okay now?" she asked stupidly, she already knew what the response would be. They both knew. Martinez shook his head.
"I want to talk about him!" Carol suddenly exclaimed "nobody else will tell me properly about what happened and you're the last person I know that saw him"
Martinez sighed, his hands gripped onto a dirty bar rag just sitting there as if he needed something to keep him from drifting.
"When I saw him, he was a broken man. His eyes were red as fuck, he was shaking and as soon as I saw him I knew something wasn't right. He had his bag packed up and his truck was outside with some other shit. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he was leaving and I asked if he was coming back and he said he couldn't" Martinez's eyes were now beginning to turn into a pale shade of red as his voice cracked although he looked like he was trying to stay strong "I asked him why and he said he's a fucking monster he just can't be around anyone anymore and I asked him what he did he said he nearly killed Ed Peletier but Rick stopped him… I told him not to go but he said he has to it just don't feel right anymore" He paused biting his lip tightly so Carol reached a hand out but he shifted narrowly avoiding her tender touch.
"I asked him where he was going and that's when he wrote down the address and I swear to God I was close to crying too. When he gave it to me he whimpered not to tell anyone I pulled him into a damn hug and he just…collapsed I guess. After that he gave in his keys and I never saw him again I don't…I don't know if he's even alive. Jesus…"
This time Martinez just let himself flop onto the bar again, his body shaking with his silent cries. Carol wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and moved it out to touch him again, this time he didn't flinch.
"I-I'll bring him back I promise" Martinez looked up at her slowly and without warning wrapped his strong arms around her tightly making her gasp slightly
"I hope you do"
Carol pulled away gently.
"Are you gonna be okay?" he asked wiping his own tears now. Carol gave him a forced smile, her lips burning as they stretched.
"I'm always okay"
Just as she was about to push the door she could hear thudding against the ground as he raced up to her quickly.
"When you've found him you gotta bring him back him back here or hell just give me a call. Daryl's got my damn number" he insisted.
Carol nodded before speedily taking off out of the door and straight into her car. The time read 8:15PM and she could see the storm clouds looming over her. She stared down at her watch, that damn watch. It was her anniversary watch which Ed had given her in one of his more pleasant moods instead of bruises on her legs and a strong sense of hatred towards him. She remembered him surprising her one night and taking her out to dinner where he gave the watch to her. Those were one of the moments Carol thought about at night, if Ed could have been that man all the time. She was so afraid of him and now thinking back it all seemed so stupid.
Carol glanced down at her watch again, her hand moved into her pocket as she pulled out her phone calling Rick's number.
She had one last thing she had to do.
"I need a favour"
…
"I don't see why you're doing this" Rick sighed walking her down the long corridor leading to the visiting room.
"I'm doing this for my own reasons…For closure"
Rick gave her a side-ways look with one eyebrow raising. She could tell he thought this was as ridiculous and pointless as she felt.
"What, the court case wasn't enough?"
"No, I was afraid then and I'm not now"
"It's your call then…They didn't hurt you when they searched you did they? I know they can be a little rough" he asked softy.
Carol stopped, forcing another smile she stared into Rick's eyes as she shook her head.
"I've had worse. Don't worry"
Rick nodded, "That's good" he said resuming his walk down the corridor "You got anything on Daryl yet?"
You aint gonna tell nobody. Got it?
"I-I might" said Carol stumbling on her words "but I'm not sure I need to talk to Martinez and then I'll be done okay?" she lied, her eyes turning to the ground.
"Alright just get home soon, everyone's worried about ya"
"I'll be fine Rick I promise you"
Rick nodded insincerely and suddenly they came to a stop to a tall, heavy looking door. A guard stood in front of the door, his arm stretching out to open it. Rick turned to look at her and slipped his hand into hers squeezing it.
"Good luck" he hissed. His hand dropped from hers as the guard waved her inside. As soon as her hand was empty again she felt as if she had just lost her safety blanket.
Her heart almost stopped at the sight of Ed staring at her through the glass with a wicked smirk and evil eyes. The stubble on his face had turned into an even more disgusting beard, his nose was slightly crooked which Carol could guess was from Daryl's beating. She gave him the nastiest look she could trying to intimidate him but his face barely changed. In fact it looked like his grin got even wider. He looked like the same dirty bastard he was three years ago.
"You're lookin' good woman" he chuckled with a rasped voice.
Carol folded her arms, "You're not beating me anymore" she sighed.
Ed nodded, he bit his lips while cocking his head to the side.
"You look like you've had a number done on you" Carol said trying her hardest not laugh. It was all so glorious seeing Ed finally trapped, like the way he made her feel trapped.
"Yeah. From Dixon" His eyes suddenly got darker "You're still a whore"
Carol leaned in closer "I could say the same about you. I'm not the only one who woke up to a different face in the mornings. Don't even try to deny it I smelt the perfume on your shirts and found the lipstick on your pants. The only difference between you and me is I didn't go cheating before and after my daughter was born" she folded her legs "And I'd rather be his whore than spend another year being married to you"
"Why are you here then? Can't handle it out in the real world without me? Need company because not even your daughter can stand your face?"
The corners of Carol's mouth curved into a victorious smile.
"No, I came here to get a good look at you. Because you know what Ed anything you say to me right now I don't give a shit about. Look where I am and look where you are. I'm free to be me while you're all alone with no sense of freedom. Kind of ironic isn't it?"
Ed's hands banged furiously on the glass "You bitch!"
"Quiet down! Or you're going back to your cell Peletier" yelled one of the guards.
"I'm not afraid of you and to be honest I don't know why I ever was. You're a fucking coward"
"Lean in some more and say that to my fucking face" he growled.
Carol grinned toothily, "You're a fucking coward"
His face pressed in against the glass "When I get out I'll make it hurt more than last time"
Carol let out a laugh "I spent years and years hiding in the dark from your shadow and I finally have my life back. And you know what the best thing about not being with a man like you anymore?"
"What?" he spat
"With Daryl at least I know what a real man looks like, respectful and not sensitive to his own masculinity like you"
"I should've known what you were when I met ya, nothing but a dirty slut!" he snarled. Carol gave him another bright smile.
"Have fun rotting in here" she said walking towards the door. Ed banged on the glass furiously.
"Don't you dare walk away from me I aint done talkin' to ya! Fucking whore I ought to kill you!" he screamed.
"Go to hell" she exclaimed swinging up her middle finger and almost strutting out of the visiting room. She could hear Ed violently banging on the glass and the sounds of the guards yelling at him to stop but she didn't turn around once.
When she was outside the room she could see Rick waiting with a slightly confused expression on his face.
"What the hell happened in there?"
Carol walked in front of him.
"Don't worry. It's already done"
After over 20 years being together Carol finally did something she thought she'd never do. She made him feel small.
…
It was pouring with rain now.
Carol drove through the darkness, every now and then she had mini flushes of panic causing her whole body to shake as she drove. She wondered if she should really do this, it was late and all the things they said about Daryl. He could just be another Ed now. She shook her head angrily and appalled that she even considered that. Daryl was a good man who had been through much worse than this, he was going to make it.
Suddenly Carol recognised the apartment building and froze. But this wasn't the terrified kind of frozen, it was the kind of frozen you get when you realise in one moment your life could be changing, it was a mix of excitement and anxiety.
Carol turned off the engines and made her way towards the door. Just as she was about to press the buzzer she saw the door was already opened, the lock on it seemed to have rusted away. Carol had a moment of relief that she didn't have to call him and slipped her hand into her pocket, pulling out the crumpled note which read:
'Red Door Top Floor' in Daryl's messy handwriting.
Carol flipped it over to see if there was a door number but there wasn't. Which confused Carol because all the other doors seemed to have numbers on them. She sighed and began making her way upstairs.
By the time she reached the top floor she was completely out of breath slightly taken back by the amount of space on the top floor and quickly understood why there was no door number on the note. It was just an empty floor with one single red door right at the end of the corridor isolated. It was such a Daryl thing to do.
She could feel her face turning scarlet and her palms getting clammy, that one pain she once felt in her stomach was back squeezing what felt like the life out of her and despite all of this her hand still moved to knock on the door tenderly. She remembered as she stood there waiting for a response something her mother had told her.
It wasn't long after the abuse had begun and had refused help, her mother sat her down and told her that she needed to start building herself up now and going after what she wanted because a year from now you may regret the things you didn't do today. She never took her advice but now she was different.
She wasn't so stubborn and scared. She was a whole person who made choices for herself and took care of herself. And this was her building herself up.
Carol moved to knock again when the door suddenly opened slowly as a raspy voice hissed out
"What?"
As Daryl rubbed his eyes Carol just stood there gawking.
He was so different.
His hair was long and messy, his eyes were dark, slightly sunken and blood shot. They were what scared her most, they were so cold and dark. They weren't the same bright eyes she had fallen in love with three years ago. His t-shirt was something else that caught her attention it was clung tightly against his body enough for her to see his skinny body. God, he was so skinny it was terrifying and almost forced her into tears. She hadn't imagined he'd look this bad when she met him.
It wasn't supposed to be like this
He looked at her with such a young and broken expression, she was caught between taking off and pulling him into a hug to comfort him.
"Carol…" he said softy yet huskily.
"I know what you said…But I just couldn't help myself"
Daryl stared at her shaking his head "No, just no. Turn around and get the fuck out. You don't need to be here"
"I came to see you" she said taking a step closer.
"Why?"
"I need to know why"
"Why what?" he growled
"Why you didn't come back for me…" Carol said almost brokenly.
He stared at her breathing heavily as if he was trying to find the right words.
"You abandoned me! Why?" she began crying "You told me as long as Ed was around you couldn't see me. And after there wasn't any more danger you didn't want me. You didn't think about me. You didn't love me"
"Carol I-"
"And I needed you! I needed you so badly. You don't understand how hard it is to feel loved for the first time in years after feeling so trapped and alone to just have it ripped away from you like it was nothing. You had no right to do that to me" she yelled, her tears dripping from her face. "I waited months. 3 Years. And I'm still waiting Daryl"
"What do you want?" he spat
"I-I don't know anymore" she gasped covering her face "I want peace…closure. Something!"
Daryl stood there in silence watching as Carol cried heavily into her hands. Until he finally took a step forward.
"I thought about you all the time, I wanted you almost every minute of every day and I still loved you he snapped gruffly.
"Why the hell didn't you come back?" she asked shakily.
"I was protecting you"
"From what?" she snapped
Daryl banged one fist against the wall furiously
"From me!" he roared, his entire face was flushed in a fiery crimson passion as he slid himself up against the frame of the door looking almost afraid of his own tone. She stared at him silently with her lips pressed tightly together as if that was the thing to suddenly shut her up.
Daryl's body shook as he pressed his head up against the wall, he stared at her with big boyish eyes.
"It's always been me puttin' you through shit" he cried weakly "Getting you hurt. Fuck, Ed's suspicion about us must've been half of those bruises on your back"
She shook her head.
"Ed chose to hurt me. You didn't help him when he was beating me black and blue, you didn't encourage him. That was his evilness not yours. You're not a bad man, you're one of the best I've met"
"That aint the only thing, he was a fuckin' son of a bitch but I did somethin' bad Carol I did…When I found him I was gonna kill him…I- I couldn't stop myself I was beatin' him over and over. There was so much rage and I only stopped beatin' him when Rick stopped me. But I was ready Carol, I was gonna kill him…"
"Daryl-"
"I was gonna kill him…" he repeated before collapsing into broken tears. Carol immediately raced towards him before he could hit the ground, she wrapped her arms around him holding him close and rocking him trying to ease the pain as best she could.
"I'm so sorry for all this shit" he sniffed "I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through. I-I never should've stayed with ya. Maybe that way you would be safe"
Carol pulled Daryl's face in her hands sharply, her face almost fuming with anger.
"Don't you dare!" she snapped wrathfully.
"What-"
"Don't you dare apologise for us! If you had stayed away from me I'd be dead you understand me?" she growled "You saved me! You brought a light I thought I'd never see again back into my life so don't you fucking dare apologise for that!" she could feel her heart racing against her chest but she didn't care. "So if you're gonna apologise for anything, apologise for leaving me behind not for who we were!"
Daryl shook his head eventually pulling Carol into a deep hug, his head rested on her shoulder letting his hair flop on her as he took in her sweet scent. His hands were tangled all up in her jacket as if he was afraid he'd lose her again even if he let go for a second. Carol's nose rubbed up against his shoulder as she stroked his back softly and tenderly.
"I'm so fucking sorry for leaving you, I shouldn't have left you" he held her tighter "I was so afraid. Dammit I was scared I was gonna hurt you too. I'm poison"
Carol drew her fingers across his back
"You could never hurt me. I know you Daryl Dixon and I know you're a good man" she took his face in her hands again "A better man than Ed, than Merle and your father. You're better than all of them"
He cracked a small humble smile which Carol returned bowing her head.
"Look at us" she sighed.
He laughed against her, "It's been so long"
Carol leaned in closer to him, her fingers now stroking his cheeks softly.
"I'm so glad you're not dead" she whispered "I was so worried. Nobody knew where you were"
Daryl rested his hand on Carol's gently, his face leaning into her touch.
"You don't have to worry anymore" he said huskily. Carol shut her eyes letting herself lean into him, their noses touched softly.
"I've got a secret" she whispered
"What is it?" he purred quietly.
"I'm still in love with you" she whispered before pressing her lips against his delicately. She could taste the booze and cigarettes on his mouth but she didn't care because it was him. He exhaled deeply, his hands began to tangle in her hair.
"Christ, I know" he chuckled against her lips. "I'll love you for the rest of my damn life" he muttered pulling her closer. They stood up together barely breaking their kiss, their hands still clasped together and they held each other as if the rest of the world had suddenly paused, like nothing else existed in this one moment. But it was okay because in one moment it felt like nothing else mattered, no matter how many people tried to break them apart, no matter how many stars fell to the ground nothing could stop them from loving each other.
They fell into the house and Carol kicked the door closed sharply, he held her in his arms until they came up to a wall in his apartment and he pushed her roughly against it causing her to gasp lightly. Her hands moved up against the shirt pushing it up and exposing his chest. She then played with his belt buckle and undid it quickly letting his pants fall to the ground.
His hands gripped her back tenderly as he pulled her up to his waist, her legs clinging to him tightly as his legs kicked his bedroom door open. He shifted slightly letting Carol fall to the bed, without any hesitation he began helping her out of her jacket, shirt and jeans until she was completely bare and naked. His lips pressed against her neck softly as he tried making his way down her back but she stopped him bring his face up to hers.
"I want you" she murmured.
"I want you too" he muttered. He slid down her body smoothly and hoisted her legs up gently. He kissed down her thighs taking in her softness until he reached her vagina. He took her inside of his mouth, his tongue slipped up and down gently causing her to shake slightly. He looked up at her, her face had turned red and sweet moans were slipping through her lips. He lifted his head smiling at her. His hands moved down further, one hand stroked her thigh softly as the other moved inside of her delicately.
Her moans began to get louder and he could feel himself grinning again at her pleasure.
"Daryl…"
He shushed her softly, he leaned over her his hands cupped her head as he leaned into her and began thrusting softly. Carol's fingers scrambled all over him, his chest, his hair anywhere she could grab as she moaned loudly against his rough touch.
"I love you…" she panted beneath him before taking his hands in hers, the two of them clasping together as he she began to orgasm. He shushed her again, his hands stroked over her face before he let out a small gasp as he came. His body fell onto Carol's and he kissed her softly on the lips, just as he rolled next to her.
Carol stroked his hair back soothingly while he played with her hair as he lay there.
"I never want to leave you" she finally hissed. Daryl stroked her cheek and leaned in to kiss her again.
"You don't have to"
"Are you gonna come back to Savannah with me?" she asked quietly. Daryl turned over, his body pressing up against hers again.
"Wherever you go. I go"
She smiled up against.
"You know, the first time I saw you, you were sitting with Sophia your hair was a little longer probably why I didn't recognise you at first. I thought you were so beautiful"
Carol narrowed her eyes up at him.
"Why didn't you talk to me?"
"I saw Ed and thought it was better to back off. That was only a few months before I met ya. Kind of wished I'd talk to you then maybe I could've saved you before things got worse" he sighed
Carol shook her head.
"Things were already worse" she beamed at him "You might've been able to actually brush your fingers through my hair"
Daryl kissed her hands softly, "I love you either way" he muttered letting his hands slip into her hair before resting his head on her tiredly.
"You seem exhausted" Carol fretted trying to get a better look at his face although he just pushed her hands away softly.
"Don't worry about it" he uttered softly.
"It's my job to be worried about you, Dixon"
He smiled against her chest, and his hands played with a familiar object. She glanced down to see his hands cupping the ring on her necklace.
"You still have this old thing huh?"
She shrugged, "I thought I'd keep it safe for you"
"Thank you" He said sitting up tiredly "You know, my offer still applies"
Carol's eyes widened in surprise.
"After all this time…You still want to marry me?"
"I love you and I always will. I swear"
Carol held his face in her hands and kissed him softly whispering one single word
"Yes"
"Good" he grinned against her lips.
Carol giggled against him and slowly pulled away,
"I've got one more thing to ask you"
"Go ahead"
Carol threw him a seriously look, "Why do you always propose after sex?"
Daryl let out a powerful laugh before tackling her onto the mattress, his lips pressed up against hers roughly. "You're just that good at it" he laughed against her lips. Carol raised her hand and slapped him playfully on the arm.
"I missed this" she whispered
"I missed this too" he stroked her cheek "I missed you"
Carol smiled softly and he rolled next to her, his arms wrapped around her waist pulling her back up to his chest.
"You should get some sleep, I've got to talk to you about a few things in the morning"
"Why don't you just tell me now?" she whined "I'm not that tired!" she yawned.
He laughed, "Don't look that way and anyway you've gone through hell lookin' for me. So you should rest, you're…you're gonna need it for tomorrow"
"What's tomorrow?" she asked but he didn't respond all he did was shush her quietly and wrap his arms around her even tighter.
"Wait…till…morning" he breathed sleepily.
"Fine" she said moodily "Good night"
"Good night" he said one final time before she drifted off to sleep in his arms.
Daryl however did not fall asleep as quickly as her. Even in an unconscious state Carol could still feel the bed slightly tilted with Daryl's elbows digging into the mattress as his hand stroked her cheek softly while he watched her. And then what woke her up was that familiar shake and then she knew he was crying.
"I don't know Maggie-fuck fuck" he muttered angrily "I can't-"
Carol's eyes were open now
"It's gonna break her fucking heart" he finally whispered and in one second Carol's heart froze.
She feared for Daryl