Things had started off so well. As soon as she found the flower in her quarters, Ryder had come directly to the Tech Lab.
"Jaal. Thank you so much for the flower, it's beautiful and so thoughtful."
He smiled, and nodded. "I am glad it pleases you, Sara. I was surprised and pleased, by your words to Evfra, and wanted to thank you."
She bit her lip, and glanced down. "I don't know what to do about… this." She gestured vaguely between them. "But, if it's true - if it's possible - I need to find out. Will that be alright with you? I don't want to promise anything, because I don't know how I'll feel… I've mourned my soulmate for years. But, I want to find out if that bond truly does exist between us, and if I can feel it."
It was less than he had hoped for, but she wasn't kicking him off the ship or denying him outright, so he would make the most of it. He nodded.
"Of course, Ryder. I will do anything you need."
She smiled nervously. "I don't know what I need, but I suppose the best place to start is to get to know you better? Will you mind if I come down to speak to you more often?"
He laughed gently at that. "I would be most pleased if you would do so."
Sara nodded and left, though she did make a point of speaking to him often after that.
It wasn't progressing as Jaal had hoped, though, and he was growing more nervous with each day that passed.
Jaal had taken to studying his teammates, particularly the humans. They had stopped looking surprisingly alien to him some weeks ago; after all, they had very similar bodies compared to angara - certainly humans and angara were more similar to each other than either were to the turians, the salarians, or the krogan. He enjoyed the differences between humans and angara, and he was fascinated by the difference between the humans themselves, but now he was questioning his own acceptance. Perhaps their differences were greater than he had thought?
For the first time since he had outgrown his teenage awkwardness, Jaal was having doubts about whether he was physically attractive.
He has assumed that since he found Sara attractive, the reverse would be true, but Ryder never touched him.
Every time she came to speak with him, he closed the distance she left between them, hoping that she take the invitation to set her hand on his upper arm while they spoke, as an angara woman would have. Every time a conversation ended, he waited breathlessly, hoping that she would give him a hug in farewell. And every day, while he tinkered with whatever weapon or armor or tech had caught his attention, he imagined Sara wearing an unshadowed smile that reached her eyes, rising on her toes and brushing a soft kiss against his cheek.
Further adding to his unsettled feelings was that he rarely felt anything through their connection; though he sometimes caught her watching him in a way that suggested she was picking up some of his feelings. That was reassuring, as far as it went; but he had expected to have that insight into how the relationship between them was progressing.
The lack of emotional and physical cues was wearing down his confidence and optimism.
Finally, he determined to do something about it. His mind made up, he sought out Liam.
Liam was sitting on his couch, watching a vid when Jaal found him, but he turned the vid off readily enough, and gave his full attention to Jaal.
"I was wondering, Liam, if I might ask you some questions - in confidence. Questions of a personal nature." Jaal sat uneasily on the edge of the couch when Liam waved at it. He had learned that his new crewmates didn't always welcome his questions, but he had to ask someone, and Liam had seemed like his best choice.
"Well… yeah, I guess that would be ok. Exchange of perspective, and all that, yeah?"
It turned out to be a fairly long conversation; Jaal explained about angaran connections with their soulmates, and his own disastrous Ritual. Liam couldn't entirely grasp his feelings on the topic - he had never found his own soulmate, and hadn't been too concerned about it anyway - but he listened well enough to understand the background.
"This is the part I must ask you to keep confidential. I have found that the Pathfinder is my soulmate. The moshae agrees that it explains what happened with my Ritual. You know that angara reincarnate? Ryder felt her own soulmate die when she was younger, and does not entirely believe me. She has agreed to give me a chance, but I do not believe it is going well. I worry that she… does not find me attractive. I do not look like a male of your species, after all."
Liam's eyes had widened almost comically at these admissions, and he was silent for a long moment.
"Well, what does your empathy connection thing tell you?"
"Nothing. I have not felt any obvious emotions from Ryder through it. I believe she has blocked it, although I do not believe this to be consciously done, as a result of the pain it brought when she was younger. She should certainly be feeling more from me than she seems to."
"So, we need an obvious reaction from her. Something you can see, instead of just feel. I'm guessing you don't want to just up and ask her?"
Jaal looked horrified at the suggestion. "The last time I spoke directly on the topic of our being soulmates, she threw a datapad at me. I do not wish to undo the little progress we have made by being so direct again."
Liam chuckled. "Fair enough. Let's see what we can come up with then. How body shy are you?"
Sara sat in her quarters, scowling at her terminal. A blank email sat there, the persistently blinking cursor reminding her that she needed to say something.
She had changed her mind - drastically - on their schedule of Nexus stops. From wanting to return at every opportunity, Sara had decided that the less often she went there, the better. So far, she had been successful; there was plenty to do, of course, Vetra's contacts could just as easily come to where she was than go to the Nexus, and time spent in unnecessary transit was time wasted. So she told herself, though she had created an equally practical list of reasons for stopping there often when she had wanted to.
In reality, she was avoiding Kandros. She didn't know what to tell him, about her, about them, about Jaal. She spoke with Jaal often, and she had learned a great deal about him. What she knew of him, she liked. She thought she could have been very happy with him as her soulmate.
But, it didn't feel like it should have. She remembered her mother's story about meeting her father. She remembered all the stories she had read, and even Jaal's admission that angara felt that same instant knowledge when they met their soulmates. She had felt none of these things; there was nothing in her feelings for Jaal beyond friendship.
She knew she owed him an explanation, she owed him the truth: whatever connection he felt between them - and she still didn't doubt he felt one - she was too damaged to feel it herself. She couldn't honestly say she would ever feel differently, and thought that stringing him along with that hope was unfair. She needed to tell him, and let him decide his course.
She had hoped to have that difficult conversation out of the way before speaking to Kandros. Sara was concerned about his reaction to finding out that her soulmate was - sort of - still alive. Now though, he had made that impossible. He had sent her a message, and she knew she couldn't hide behind duty for much longer. His message had been innocuous enough: congratulations for her diplomatic success on Aya, an offer to celebrate 'properly' when she returned to Nexus. Nothing pushy, not asking her to arrange her plans to his schedule or his whims. In a way, it was a relief.
In a way, it made things harder.
She needed to answer him, but she wouldn't be the type of person who delivered important personal news through an impersonal message. She needed to see him in person, and tell him what was happening. Assuming that could be determined.
Sighing, Sara sent him a simple reply, promising to return as soon as she could.
She was about to go to tell Kaal about the change in plans, when she noticed a new email. This one was from Liam, requesting… armor? Sara shook her head, but headed out. She should have all the supplies she needed; the request was odd, even for Liam. She couldn't wait to see where this was headed.
Having made up her mind to return to Nexus, Sara was eager to get the Tempest headed there before she changed her mind. So she was already talking as she walked towards Liam.
"Liam? I signed off on… that… project."
Her voice trailed off and she took a moment to admire the view in front of her. A shirtless Liam, tinkering with something on the workbench. Well, this didn't happen every day. She was smiling slightly, when he answered.
"That's great, Pathfinder. Jaal ama Darav! We got our gear."
Jaal walked past her, his voice a casual drawl, "Kosta. Ryder."
She was just about to nod in return when her brain caught up with her eyes. He was completely naked. He barely glanced at her as he joined Liam at the workbench.
Ryder couldn't take her eyes off him.
She had to say something, anything, before he caught her staring. "Is this show for my benefit? Because… I'm benefiting."
Liam chuckled, then he and Jaal ignored her as they fiddled with armor and insults instead. Far too soon, in Ryder's opinion, Jaal was leaving; she tried to sneak a look as he walked out, then couldn't manage to look away.
When Liam cleared his throat, she blushed, mumbled something that probably didn't make sense, and left the room quickly.
Safely in her own quarters, she would have replayed the last several minutes over in her mind another few dozen times, but SAM interrupted her thoughts.
"Excuse me, Pathfinder, but Dr. T'Pero is wondering if you know why Jaal was walking around the ship without his clothing?"
Sara giggled. "Tell her to ask Liam. Serves him right." She quickly decided that wasn't the most professional of answers. "She...uh... isn't upset, is she?"
"On the contrary, Pathfinder, she seems quite appreciative."
His words sparked a flare of jealousy. Frowning thoughtfully, Sara decided that perhaps the stop at Nexus could wait a little longer. Clearly, she needed more information before making any decisions.
Liam was still chuckling at the look on the Pathfinder's face as she left the room in a hurry. He sent a message to Jaal.
"That enough of a reaction for you, Jaal?" ~L.K.
Jaal's reply didn't take long, satisfaction practically dripping from the words on the screen.
"Indeed. It is most… reassuring. I appreciate your assistance." J.a.D.
When the crew gathered for dinner that evening, Kallo informed them that they would make landfall on Kadara before noon the next day.