Love After War

by TheAlderTrees

Carol lives a lonely life with her daughter Sophia and is in a loveless abusive marriage with her 'high school sweetheart' Ed and doesn't know how to escape. On the night of one of the worst storms in 5 years her life changes after she meets Daryl Dixon, and begins a developing love affair with him. But their affair quickly becomes dangerous when suspicions are raised. Caryl AU

8. Chapter 8

(Warning contains reference to sexual abuse, alcoholism, violence, homelessness, terminal illnesses, lots of trigger warnings)

Carol lay awake for the rest of the night.

How the hell could she sleep easily with Daryl practically melting down beside her? She heard a quiet sigh before the sound of the phone falling to the ground caused her body to twitch in surprise and soon Daryl was silently stumbling out of bed straight to the kitchen. She cuddled in closely with the blankets as the familiar intoxicating scent of booze seeped through the bedroom and into her nose.

The bottles clanged together, some of them breaking against the floor and only seconds later so did he. She heard his body fall heavily onto the ground as he muttered quietly which was quickly followed by more glasses breaking. Carol desperately wanted to go out there and help him but she was so afraid. She was already certain that Daryl didn't want Carol to know whatever terrible secret he had hidden inside of him and she wasn't sure she could see Daryl in this state. It was hard enough seeing Ed in this state, despite her firey hatred toward him.

Another glass shattered and Carol quickly changed her mind.

No matter how hard it is you have to help him she thought to herself as she grabbed Daryl's hoodie resting on a nearby box, and covered her bare body. She tip toed silently towards the kitchen, her eyes scanning the room for Daryl's body. Her fingers worked their way up and down the wall trying to find a light switch until her foot hit something hard. She glanced down to see Daryl's foot dangling around the corner, she felt a small wave of relief at the thought of Daryl being asleep but as soon as she moved the rest of her head around the corner of the wall her heart broke into two.

Carol stared at him propped up against the wall with his legs crossed, a bottle of booze in one hand and the other holding his face. He looked so drunk he could barely even move.

"Booze will do that to you" Carol snarled unimpressed.

Daryl glanced up at her dazed, when he realised it was her standing there he began to wave his hand sluggishly.

"Go back to bed Carol" he said weakly.

Carol took a step forward, trying to avoid the broken glass on the ground as best she could.

"What happened to you while I was gone Daryl?"

He shook his head, "It don't matter jus' go back to bed please" he pleaded again.

Carol crouched in front of him, her body slid next to his. She slipped her hand gently into his and the first thing which got to her was the coldness. It felt like it hadn't had the luxury of warmth for years, and then there was the tremble. Despite them both being perfectly steady she could still feel Daryl's hand shaking in hers like he'd been waiting for somebody in the freezing cold for hours.

She knew something was definitely wrong.

"Jus' leave me be" he growled sternly "I don't need ya here pokin' ya nose in business that aint yours"

Her hand tightened around his, "You are my business Daryl, I can't lose you too"

Daryl chuckled mockingly, "You don't even know what the hell you're talkin' about" He said huskily as he took his hand out of his grip. "It's too damn late"

Carol bowed her head. She was still so afraid this was going to end badly, she remembered the earlier nights of her marriage when she would hear Ed drinking late at night and foolishly decide to go and check up on him only to get beaten up again or felt up whether she liked it or not. After a while Carol stopped checking up on him but either way it was always the same in the end, a never ending cycle of abuse. She only learned how to survive it, not how to escape it.

"Daryl you're drunk and you're scaring me" she sighed "I-I don't like this"

At first Daryl opened his mouth to speak but instead this was replaced with him turning his head in shame and covering his face.

"Jus' leave me then, you don't need to see this"

Carol moved her hand out, her fingers running through Daryl's hair while her other hand delicately cupped his face.

"I'm not gonna leave you like this" she breathed.

The pale moonlight shining through the cheap blinds revealed the tears streaming down his face as she brought his face closer. She moved to sit down in front of him and his head immediately bowed as he shook his head.

"What happened Daryl?"

His hand slipped over hers lightly "Please…" he managed to breathe out "…I can't Jus' go back to bed"

"I'm so sorry Daryl but I can't do that until you tell me what's wrong, so we can work through this together" She paused for a moment and then sighed "I heard your phone call to that nurse…Maggie?"

Daryl's shaking head suddenly stopped and he froze. The tears seemed to stop as well as his chest which looked like it was begging for air a few moments ago. Carol could almost feel the cold presence in the room as a shiver ran down her spine. She hadn't felt a cold shiver run down her spine like that since the night Daryl woke her up and drove her to the station that night. And she had never seen him look so afraid.

Daryl exhaled while keeping his face still pointing towards the ground.

"How much did you hear?" he asked dryly

Carol swallowed.

"I heard you say Its gonna break her fucking heart" she paused for a moment looking at him "What's gonna break my heart Daryl?"

Daryl shook his head again this time as he grinned brokenly.

"It's a damn mess, all of it. Are ya sure you want to hear it?"

Carol crossed her arms and legs, her eyes stared deeply into his which looked like they were trying their hardest to avoid her gaze. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear the truth but she knew she had to so she could help him.

"I've got all night to listen" she said silkily.

Daryl stared down at his empty bottles throwing one across the room, letting it shatter to pieces.

"If I'm gonna talk I'm gonna need somethin' stronger than this shit" he grunted, sluggishly getting up and moving towards the kitchen. Carol covered her face as she could hear him searching through the kitchen looking for the next bottle of booze.

How did we get here? She asked herself trying her hardest not to cry. This all felt like she was back with Ed on the nights she feared for her own safety.

Daryl returned a few seconds later with a very neat bottle of whiskey, he let himself flop on the ground again with the bottle protectively in his grip. He extended his arm out to Carol offering her a sip but she politely declined.

Without batting so much as an eye he sucked it down sharply causing Carol to jerk suddenly.

He exhaled.

"It was barely even a fuckin' week after you left"

…

January

3 Years Earlier

Daryl barely spent any time out of his bedroom. He didn't see much of a point, everything just suddenly felt so slow and dark he sometimes forgot that he was alive. All he felt like was another trapped soul stuck on this Goddamn piece of shit of a planet. So he just stopped altogether never moving from his bedroom floor just staring at the door waiting for Carol and Sophia to walk through again.

He loathed himself for sending them away and at the same time loathed himself for being so stupidly selfish. Them being away from this poisonous town was a hell of a lot better than his happiness and plus at least they'd be away from Ed. That fucking son of a bitch. Sometimes he thought about just taking the easy way out, just borrowing a gun from Merle's collection and that would be it. But then other days he'd think about Carol and Sophia, about how it would hit them. Or how Ed could come back after them, the minute he had kicked the bucket and he couldn't let that happen. So he'd live just for them.

Merle didn't bother with him much, he was too busy with their piece of shit of a father. When he did pay attention to him it would usually be to scream at him and try to get him to move from the wall but Daryl always just sat there trying to think of something else, something better. He said he didn't care but still left half of what was for dinner or a beer or two which Daryl would take very gladly. But despite that, there was one other thing stopping Daryl from moving from that wall and that was Merle.

His blood boiled when he heard that damn door creaking open and almost shook when he could feel Merle's hands wrapping around his body trying to pull him up. He hated him for giving Ed a reason to almost fucking kill her and he hated him for making him lose the most important woman in his life.

If anything, Daryl would probably put a bolt in his ass if given the damn chance. But every time he had enough peace to close his eyes and let himself drift off, he'd be reminded of her and then of what he did. And it drove him insane, he wasn't sure he could even live under the same roof as him anymore.

It wasn't long until Daryl finally came to a decision and packed up his things on one of the quieter nights Merle had come back from the hospital and was passed out drunk on the couch. He started with the few dirty clothes sprawled across his floor, his bed and his dresser. Then a few old books he remembered stealing when he was sixteen. And then finally Daryl decided to take one of the purer objects he knew he couldn't leave with Merle even if he tried.

He slid out the pearly white box from underneath his bed taking a small peek inside to see all of the photos of him and Carol neatly stacked together. For one moment he bowed his head and began hugging the box to his chest as if it were her, he pretended for one moment that he could feel her warmth and elegant scent right up against him. He still wished he could touch her, one last time. Daryl slipped the box into his bag as he pulled his jacket on. He moved to the door and took one last look at his empty bedroom before shutting it.

As he crept out he noticed Merle just lying there on the ground with a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand along with a few vomit stains lining up his vest. Daryl stared at him and felt disgusted.

It was about time he left this hell to go into the unknown.

His hand rested on the door knob when something shiny caught his eye, he took a few steps back dropping his bag and jumped high enough to catch the shiny picture frame. His eyes rested on his mother's beautiful face as he shook his head.

She deserved better than this shit he thought tiredly to himself before slipping it into his bag. And now it was time they both left.

"Where do ya think you're goin' with that pretty ol' frame" asked Merle sluggishly

Daryl turned to him, "None of ya damn business" he snapped back sharply.

Merle slowly attempted to get up from the ground, his smile looked vicious.

"You know what? You became more of an asshole after you met the mouse" he growled.

"Shut your damn mouth!" spat Daryl "You don't get to talk about her! After what you did"

Merle threw his hands up scoffing, he actually looked like he had been offended by Daryl's words. "What, you mean save you? Ed didn't beat your ass, he took it out on that bitch when she deserved it"

"Fuck you"

Merle took a step closer, "Nah, she took away my damn brother you aint the same, you're a pussy" he growled making Daryl wince. His breath smelt like a rotten combination of booze and vomit. There was no fucking way Daryl could take anything he said at this point seriously.

"I aint an asshole" he began softly "Carol helped me, she helped me from turnin' into you and Dad and I'm fuckin' grateful for that"

Merle shook his head disbelievingly another predatory smile forming on his face, "You could never be me or Dad way too soft. You were always the sweet one, you never had balls like us"

Daryl snapped moving his hands in front of him powerfully and shoving Merle up against the wall

"Having balls is beatin' women or kids huh? Beatin' your own because you too much of a pussy to take responsibility for the shit you caused?"

Merle shoved him back, "You think you a man now? Cause you lost ya woman? Try and beat my ass and see what the fuck I do to you" he threatened through bared teeth.

Daryl shook his head in disbelief, he couldn't believe how ignorant his brother was being. It was like talking to a damn brick wall. Without any warning Merle shoved him again, his face only centre meters away from Daryl's face.

"You should be fuckin' thankin' me!" he exclaimed

Daryl turned his head slowly, "Thanking you?"

"Yeah, what did I say earlier I saved ya ass. If I hadn't ratted her out he would've come after you no matter what stupid ass plan you had he would've come after ya with a gun and some of the guys from the bar and I would've lost my baby brother"

Daryl snapped one finger shoving it right into Merle's dirty vest

"I rather it was me than her! She aint done nothin' wrong and you know what Merle? I fuckin' loved her! And that's somethin' you can't fuckin' stop me from doin' even if I die or she dies I'd still feel the same damn way" he roared not caring if the entire neighbourhood heard him, he wanted to make the message clear.

Merle Dixon or any other bastard in this town could stop Daryl feeling the way he does about Carol.

"You know what-"

"No fuck you!" Daryl interrupted shoving Merle sharply up against the wall, he could feel his eyes getting teary and his vision getting blurred but he couldn't stop "it was your fucking fault she had to leave and you are a fuckin' piece of shit!" he slammed Merle against the wall again, this time hitting his head "I'll be dammed if I stay here another fuckin' minute with you!"

Daryl turned his back and attempted to leave through the door but two strong hands grabbed him back and hit him against the counter causing him to wince as his stomach hit the corner. Merle pointed one finger into his face

"I aint letting ya go because if you step through that door don't ever come back" he shrieked the veins standing out on his neck.

"Anywhere is better than here" he muttered turning away. Merle attempted to pull him back again but this time Daryl kneed him sharply in the stomach and shoved him back against the wall. Merle's hands attacked Daryl's neck trying to force him down but Daryl put up a fight, he thumped his head against Merle's nose causing it to bleed. He knocked Merle against the wall one final time and Merle fell to the ground abruptly.

"This place is toxic!" Daryl spat. He moved to grab his bag and walked out into the rain, he could barely even see. He glanced around on the front porch and noticed his bike sitting out there and quickly realised that his damn keys were still inside. He glanced at the door and sighed, there was no way in hell he was going back in there.

He was done.

…

Carol stared at him with wide eyes, "You shouldn't have fought like that. You could've been hurt he was drunk and he could've died too!" she exclaimed.

Daryl shrugged taking a sip from his bottle,

"At that point I didn't care about what happened to me or Merle. Everythin' was a blur"

Carol shook her head, she moved her arms attempting to hug Daryl but Daryl shifted from her.

"Don't…jus' don't…" he muttered

Carol nodded "I understand…what did you do next?"

"The best I could"

…

Daryl ended up walking for hours in the rain until he reached his family's mechanics. He stared up at the sign, this place was gonna go to shit quickly with him and his Dad gone. He walked up to it slowly and hesitantly trying to see if there was a spare key somewhere.

Fuck it he thought to himself before picking up a nearby brick and dashing it through the window. He crawled through the small space getting small pieces of glass into his arm but he didn't really care. He was too tired to care.

He wondered around the freezing mechanics and thought about how much of a dump this place was. He pondered on what Merle was going to do with this place with the two of them gone, seemed like he was already struggling with finances. He shrugged and threw his jacket off, his hand explored the wall trying to find the switch but after a few moments frustrated, he realised Merle hadn't paid the light bill. So, he lit some candles.

He searched through the drawers only to find the key to one of the trucks in the shop.

Probably will be warmer than the bike he thought to himself. His hands also retrieved half a bottle of Jack Daniels, some rags and an old rusty knife.

This'll have to do

He gulped down the Jack Daniels before pouring it on his cuts and attempted to pick out some of the glass which was harder to reach, he used the knife to get one or two but quickly threw it down seeing it was a bad idea.

He didn't need to die of blood loss

Daryl wrapped the rags around his now bleeding heavily hand and jumped onto the back of the truck with the bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. He curled up preparing to spend the night freezing in the back of the truck and glanced at the bottle before gulping it all down.

Hell, he might as well get drunk.

He left at around 5am taking one of the trucks with him, which he was surprised Merle didn't call the cops about being stolen. He probably knew it was Daryl who took it and didn't want cops poking their noses around their stuff. Merle had enough illegal substances in his locker to get him 5 years.

The gas left in his truck only lasted half a day, half a day he wasted trying to look for somewhere to stay. . It was stupid and pointless, anybody close in town wouldn't rent to him because they knew Ed and Merle or they would be common folks who wouldn't rent to redneck trash. By the time Daryl had gotten rejected for the tenth time that day his truck had run out of juice, leaving him in an unfamiliar side of town. At first he thought about robbing someone or even a gas station just sucking out as much as he could and get back to the truck. But in a town where everybody owned a gun, it wasn't a wise choice.

…

Carol tried reaching a hand out again but all Daryl did was shrug it off.

"What happened to you next?" she sniffed, she could already feel tears building up.

He didn't respond.

"Daryl?"

Carol could see a small broken smile forming on Daryl's face, the corners of his mouth faced upwards but his eyes looked like they could give way any minute now. She even noticed him moving his hand up to wipe away none existent tears, maybe he was preparing himself.

"Sorry" he muttered "I was alone for a while…until I met a girl called Beth"

…

Daryl had only been walking the streets for a few days now and his clothes had already started to reek of alcohol and sweat. He could feel his eyes forcing themselves to stay awake and his stomach caving in from hunger. He'd barely even slept. At first he considered sleeping in his truck but he needed to find food and he'd gone too far his mind was a blur and he couldn't even remember where he parked the damn thing. In one moment he longed for Carol more than anything, to have her cook him a home cooked meal the way she used to despite him telling her not to, her fingers working their way up his back and that scent he'd give anything to breathe her in again and anything not to smell himself anymore.

Daryl walked down the street slowly, his legs aching as he could see passers-by staring at him judgementally, but he couldn't care less. He just needed a little cash or something to get something to eat for once.

Without any warning he felt the weight of a passer-by knock into him sending him sideways.

"Watch where ya goin'" he muttered sluggishly

He attempted to pull himself up but couldn't, his eyes began to feel heavier and everything became a daze. And the next thing he knew, a pair of gentle hands were pulling him backwards.

"C-Carol is that you?" he slurred

The person didn't reply instead they dragged him to the nearby alley way of a restaurant and pulled him onto a doorstep. He felt hands begin to undo his jacket.

"Get the hell off of me" he muttered groggily.

"Sorry I thought you could use something warmer" the gentle voice responded.

It was female

"Carol?" he asked again

The girl shook her head, "I'm sorry I'm not her…My name is Beth" she said in almost a whisper. She moved her hand to grab a bottle of water from her backpack and pressed it against Daryl's lips.

"You need to hydrate yourself"

At first Daryl protested trying to move his head but eventually gave in, he could use a drink after all.

"Thank you" he muttered gruffly. He felt her hands move over his eyes, rubbing them and trying to see if they opened properly.

"Can you see?" she asked

"Everythin' is jus' kind of a blur right now. Been days since I ate anythin'"

Beth reached into her pocket pulling out a small slice of pizza, "I've got some leftovers from a restaurant…well kind of. Do you want it?" she smiled. He glanced between the food and her as best he could, he'd only met the girl 3 minutes ago why the hell was she being so nice already?

"Give it here" he said and she leaned in carefully pressing the food in his mouth. "I can feed myself you know" he said his words slightly muffled by the pizza. He paused "Thanks though"

"No problem" Beth smiled again. Daryl attempted to shift himself slightly but instead let out a loud groan. Beth immediately put her hands to his chest and lay him down gently, "You should rest we can talk in the morning when you've slept"

He looked at her sideways, "How do I know you aint gonna murder me and take my stuff?" he asked sleepily.

Beth's mouth curved, "Because you can trust me and besides if I wanted to hurt you I would've done it by now. You look weak enough" she grinned and Daryl surprisingly grinned back

"I aint usually this weak ya know. Anyway if you rob me you'll regret it" he murmured setting his head down.

"I'm sure I would"

The next morning Daryl woke up to Beth sleeping next to him and this time he had a much clearer view of her. She had long blonde hair which was tied messily into a ponytail along with a long slender figure. He glanced over at her sleeping face,

She looked young as hell.

He wondered how somebody so young was on the streets like this, it wasn't right. He kicked her gently trying to wake her up, he had a few questions for her. Beth sat up and stared at him sleepily, her big blue eyes immediately catching him off guard.

She could've been Bambi with those eyes.

"Don't kick me" she muttered raising one unimpressed eyebrow.

"Sorry I didn't know how to wake ya"

Beth yawned while stretching out like a cat, it all took him back. She was acting like this was some kind of ordinary routine like she hadn't been sleeping on the streets for weeks maybe months. She glanced over at him, this time looking a lot less annoyed.

"You look a lot better today" she grinned re-tying her hair into a neater ponytail.

"I feel better, haven't slept for days" he yawned. Daryl attempted to get up slowly, his legs still felt numb from the long days and nights walking in this cold.

"Why's that?"

Daryl shrugged, "Haven't really had a place to stop. I've been lookin', walkin' and then there was nothin'"

Beth rolled her eyes with a tilted smile planting on her face she put on hand on Daryl's shoulder as an indicator of how foolish he's been.

"You've got to stop sometimes, otherwise you just wither away and eventually disappear. It's good I found you or maybe you would've never stopped" she stared at him for a few moments and shook her head again. It was like she could tell what he was thinking, even though he was trying his hardest not to look into those eyes again.

They were too pure for the demons in his own eyes.

"Maybe" he said simply. Daryl's eyes scanned up and down Beth's body for a moment before turning his eyes up at her again "You…uh…you got any more food on you?" he asked feeling guilty as hell. Christ she looked about 16, she probably needed it more than him.

Beth brought something delicately wrapped in tissue from her jeans pocket.

"I've got half an apple" she uttered her voice sounding as smooth as honey. He flickered his eyes between the red half eaten apple and her porcelain face and sighed. He moved a hand forward and closed her fingers over the apple pushing it towards her.

"You take it. It's fine" he exhaled "You look like you could use it"

Beth smiled appreciating his generosity and sank her teeth into the apple. He could really tell she needed it when her cheeks lit up with pleasure and her eyes shut swiftly as it crunched between her teeth.

"How old are you, girl?"

Beth's eyes narrowed to him, again unimpressed.

"It's Beth and I'm eighteen" she said softly, although her words were muffled between the apple.

Daryl's eyes widened slightly, and he thought he was at his lowest point. Her life had barely even begun.

"And you're all alone? How long have you been by yourself?"

Beth looked down at the ground, "A few months…Well I kind of lost count" she hissed quietly.

"Where's ya family?"

Beth threw her hands up hopelessly, "Could be anywhere now-I ran away from home. I just had to get away from all of that mess. My Mom died a few months earlier and everything just felt like it was collapsing and I was consuming it. I left one night when my sister and my dad were at a service. I left a note but it probably wasn't enough…I ran out of money within my first week" she beamed surprisingly bright. Beth moved a hand out offering him a bite.

Daryl sunk his teeth in and it was all so sweet. He could barely even remember the last time he had had fruit. His Dad and Merle didn't keep fruit in the damn house the only thing that grew naturally that they consumed was weed. His mother was the only one who bothered to pick fruit when they couldn't afford it.

"You're too young to be out here alone"

Beth shrugged

"I'm strong enough to be alone"

Daryl scoffed, "You aint that strong that you ended up on the streets"

Beth glared at him, those Bambi like eyes suddenly turning to knives.

"Well what the hell did you do to end up on the streets? If you're so tough?" she growled folding her arms over her chest.

Daryl tossed the apple into Beth's lap, "I lost my fiancée and I got away from my drunk brother. Satisfied?" he said gruffly. That was all she need to know about him.

Beth's angry glare quickly softened and her hands were quickly on her lap as she listened intently.

"What happened to her?"

"It don't matter. She's gone now"

"I'm sorry" Beth said glancing up at the sky, her eyes widening. She stood up promptly and turned her back on him as she stuffed her jacket back inside along with a small Journal. Daryl stared at her confused, had his short story scared her that much?

"Where the hell are you going?"

"I'm movin' on, it's getting lighter and they're not gonna want me sleeping here anymore especially if I have company now" She threw her backpack over her shoulder and strode past him quickly.

Daryl grabbed his bag and to his surprise found himself running after the girl.

"Hey! Where are you gonna go huh?"

Beth turned to look at him slowly, "I'm gonna find somewhere else and maybe some food. It's how I survive"

Daryl sighed. "Do you always get what you want?"

"No. Good food is kind of hard to come across these days. I got lucky before"

Daryl swiftly moved in front of her, "I could help ya. I know how to track an' hunt"

Beth laughed, "What are you gonna hunt? This isn't a forest you know. You haven't even got anything to hunt with"

Daryl lifted up his shirt, exposing the knife resting in his belt.

"I don't know might find a racoon or somethin'" he smirked slightly proud at being able to surprise Beth into silence like that.

"Sounds gross"

"It's dinner these days"

Beth folded her arms still staring at him. He wondered if she was deciding between coming with him or stealing his knife and getting her food herself. Sure she seemed innocent but beneath all that porcelain he could see the steel.

"Fine. If it's my only chance of food" She said continuing to stroll in front of him. She turned to look at him again, a small grin forming on her face. "Why do you want to help me so badly?"

Daryl stared at her and turned away, he rested a hand on her back and helped her walk forwards trying to avoid her gaze. "It don't matter"

In all honesty, he wasn't entirely sure why he wanted to stick with the girl. He'd probably move faster alone. Maybe it was the fact that she was so young, so alone and so lost. And all he could do was picture Sophia in her situation. They had both come from fire and pain and Beth had managed to run away and escape. There wouldn't have been anything stopping Sophia when she got old enough, especially with all of the shit Ed put her through.

But then again…

…No…

He couldn't see her in Beth's situation. Because he knew she would never leave her mother alone with a monster like him or even leave her when she wasn't done recovering from her battle with that bastard.

Sophia wasn't Daryl.

Sophia was a decent human being and when Daryl looked at Beth he could see the same decency inside of her. Meaning he couldn't travel with her for too long or the poison inside of him would leak out and eventually infect her.

"Just keep walkin'"

…

Daryl spent the next few days with a knife hidden beneath his shirt just hoping for a good enough chance for him to use it on a wild animal. But all Beth and Daryl managed to find within that whole week was a half-eaten burger or two and a rodent. It was at least enough for them to share and at least Daryl knew how to cook them decently. They spent most evenings running from one doorstep to another after being shooed by store owners who didn't want "street rats" scaring away their damn customers.

They could go fuck themselves.

The only clothes they managed scavenge from abandoned homes was a new yellow shirt for Beth and a pair of old worn out Jeans but it was enough for them to cope with.

Daryl actually didn't mind having the kid's company, at first he thought she'd be a damn pain in his ass but she slowly grew on him and the longer he spent with her the more he realised how lost she was. The girl didn't have a clue of what she wanted or what the world was like. She was too innocent and seemed more broken than she claimed to be.

They had a daily routine, in the morning they'd eat half of whatever they had caught the night before then see if they could get a little change and spend the rest of the day looking for a place to sleep. Some nights if they were lucky, they would share a mattress and drink enough booze for them to fall asleep easily although she'd drink less than him.

And one night he finally let her in.

He told her about the nights he'd spent curled up after his father's abuse, being left bruised and bloody and she told him about how she went into a deep shock after her mother's death and tried to kill herself. He told her about Merle and she told him about her older sister until he let himself finally talk about Carol. And Boy, he almost spoke for hours about her. He told her about her beauty, her kindness and her husband he told her their story right until the end.

By the time he was done Beth looked paler than the start of the story.

"Your brother sounds awful and so does that man…Ed" She covered her mouth "I can't even imagine" She took a sip of the booze lying on the mattress "You should try to find her Daryl. You've still got something out there. Carol's waiting for you, I know it"

"I can't go back now. Not after everything that's happened, she's better off without me fucking things up. All I would be is a painful reminder of what happened to her" he gulped down the beer "He hasn't been caught yet and probably never will be"

"How do you know he hasn't been caught if you haven't been home?"

Daryl glared at her "I jus' know"

Beth's hand rested gently on his, it was so warm compared to his.

"You need to have hope, she probably wants to see you more than you think and Ed… Well my Daddy taught me that everyone gets what they deserved eventually. You deserve good and so does Carol. Ed, Ed will get something bad like he should"

Daryl looked down at their hands together and he slipped his away to rest it on his knees.

"I aint had nothin' good in my life until her aint ever gonna get something good like her again. My time is up" he said gruffly.

Beth shrugged.

"Nobody's times up and neither is mine, I'll get there somehow" she grinned optimistically.

Daryl pressed the bottle to his lips, "Where ya going?"

"Before my mom died I wrote music and then I stopped after a while"

"You hoping the songbird sings again one day?" he asked grinning for the first time in a long time.

Beth shrugged again, "I don't know I hope so"

"You remember any of it?"

"It was a really long time ago"

He chuckled, "Bullshit. You told me you've only been out here six months"

Beth shook her head, "I only remember one and it wasn't even my song"

"I wanna hear it"

Beth's eyes widened "What? No! Why do you want to hear it?" she asked her cheeks turning a brand new shade of red. Daryl lay back on the mattress grinning at her,

"Been a while since I heard a decent song. Now c'mon I aint gonna be drunk and happy for long" he laughed.

Beth smiled shyly and adjusted herself on the mattress.

"Okay…" She muttered. Beth took a deep breath whilst closing her eyes and let herself flow naturally.

It's unclear now what we intend. We're alone in our own world. You don't wanna be my boyfriend. And I don't wanna be your girl

Daryl just lay there watching her. He could feel his eye lids beginning to get heavier and his chest getting warmer. Her voice was something that he felt like he could listen to for years, she sounded so soothing and so gentle and for the first time in weeks he felt like he was home.

And that, that's a relief. We'll drink up our grief. And pine for summer. And we'll buy beer to shotgun. And we'll lie in the lawn. And we'll be good.

Beth suddenly stopped and Daryl's eyes flickered open again.

"Why'd ya stop?" asked Daryl

She looked up at him slowly, "It's stupid"

"It aint. Kind of peaceful you know?"

Beth smiled, "It doesn't matter I'm sleepy anyway" she lay down next to him kicking her shoes off "You never know I might find an old guitar somewhere and I can annoy you with more of these little poems I write" she giggled kicking him softly.

"Maybe" he muttered before turning on his side to look at her "Beth?"

"Yeah?"

He paused swallowing dryly, "I'm uh…I'm glad I met ya"

Her face lit up, "I'm glad I met you too" she leaned in and hugged him gently "Good night Daryl"

"Night" he rasped as he turned over again to face the wall. "Do you mind singin' again? It's just kind of…comfy" he asked sleepily.

"Sure if you like it that much" she giggled.

And now I'm laughing at my boredom. At my string of failed attempts because you think that it's important. And I welcome the sentiment

And for the rest of night Daryl felt peace.

….

Carol stared at Daryl, her face was almost hurting from grinning so much. He stared back at her, her expression must not have been what he expected because as soon as he laid eyes on her he looked surprised.

"Why are you smilin' like that?" he asked roughly.

She rested her hand on his, "I'm glad you had someone to take care of you like that. I'm grateful...You can't really survive alone anymore" she sighed.

"You aint the only one, that kid was pretty fuckin' amazing" he said with a sad smile and then, he went silent for a few seconds. His hand was clasping the bottle tightly and his head was directed outside of the window to the sky. There were tears rolling down his cheeks again and without warning Daryl plunged his head straight into his hands. Carol could hear his heavy breathing and knew something else was wrong.

"Daryl, are you okay?"

Daryl lifted his head slowly, he looked over at the empty bottles next to him and suddenly grabbed one throwing it straight at the wall causing Carol to gasp.

"Bastard" he spat out sharply

"Who's a bastard?" She hesitated thinking for a second and then she realised "What happened to her Daryl?"

Daryl shook his head, "It was all my damn fault, I should've done more then maybe she'd be-"He grabbed another beer, this time downing it all without stopping once to take a breath. As soon as the bottle was empty again he flung it on the ground furiously and half in tears. Carol could see him trying to get the words out but they were quickly replaced by fury and sadness mixed together.

Carol held him shushing him, "its okay you don't have to talk about it if it's hard"

Daryl pushed himself away, "Nah I aint gonna just forget her jus' like that. She deserved better" He said croakily as he slumped against the wall again.

"I think it was early February"

…

By the time February had rolled around Beth and Daryl were beginning to struggle with their system. The evenings were beginning to get colder and less people were being generous with their spare change. They'd make 5 cents in one week if they were lucky. More shops were refusing them food and the little shelters they called home were being taken by people who didn't want their 'kind' outside their property. And it wasn't just them that were struggling to survive, often when they'd have to sneak onto the rooftops and spend the night, they'd see others struggling to survive, hell he'd witnessed another guy stab someone for half a sandwich.

It was fucking awful.

"Do you think that could be us one day?" Beth asked rolling onto her stomach. "Y'know if we got desperate enough."

"Nah, that aint you you're too good for this" he laughed to himself "but me I've been fightin' my whole damn life. You still got yours to come back from all of this, you could find your family"

"I don't want to go back to them" she hesitated "I love them and I miss them but I can't go back now, I'm too ashamed"

Daryl stared at her, "Why?"

"Look at me, I was stupid and ran away from my problems and I left them to grieve. I-I just don't think I could. I wanna start again or go back to the start" she shook and Daryl was damn sure it wasn't because of the cold. He slipped his hand into hers to calm her down,

"Okay."

"What?"

"You can start again, I'll make sure you do"

Beth sat up and beamed brightly, "How?" she asked suddenly energetic.

"I don't know yet but I aint letting you live like this anymore. I'll make sure you have a home to go to every night and that you won't have to fight for your right to eat. I'll make sure you're fucking happy" he promised his grip on her hand getting tighter.

Beth quickly wrapped her arms around Daryl sending him backwards,

"Hey! We're on a roof remember" he said roughly although he had a proud grin on his face.

"Why can't you come with me?" she suddenly asked.

"I can't come back from the shit I've experienced and my time is gonna be up faster than yours" he exhaled and Beth hugged him again tightly.

"No" she said sternly "I'm not gonna leave you. We're gonna get out of this together. Deal?"

Daryl stared into her deer like eyes and sighed,

"Deal" he said reluctantly "Are you cold?"

She shook her head, "I'm okay although I'm glad you found this cardigan for me"

"I'll try and find a blanket tomorrow and maybe a little food if I'm lucky" He lay himself on the rooftop and stared up at her again. He could see she was still watching all of the others struggling down there. "Could you sing again?" he asked gravelly. She turned to look at him and he felt some relief, she didn't need to be seeing that now.

"What should I sing?" she asked brightly

"Anything. It's fuckin' cold and I need somethin' to take my mind off of my frozen balls"

"Ew" she smiled and thought for a second before muttering the word "Okay"

Daryl shut his eyes as he let Beth's voice take him away.

Oh you got to hold on, hold on. You got to hold on, take my hand, I'm standing right here you got to hold on.

Just before Daryl drifted off to sleep, she took him away for a moment. From all of the madness, from the evil and the filth and for one second,

For one tiny second.

Daryl felt hope.

…

"When did it all go to shit?" asked Carol hesitantly.

"When I woke up"

…

It was the middle of the night when he woke up without Beth by his side, his first immediate response was to look over the side of the building but she wasn't there thankfully. Without any warning he left his stuff up on the roof and climbed down the fire escape and to the streets he began frantically yelling her name and searching every corner, he damn near ran.

Until he found Beth standing in a nearby alley way outside one of those old pizza places with a bright smile on her face.

He sighed, "Why the fuck did you just run off like that?"

"I thought I'd surprise you in the morning" She opened the small white box in front of her and Daryl's heart skipped a beat at six slices of pizza just sitting in there. They were all different types but it didn't matter, they had food.

"Where did you get it?" he asked still staring.

"There was a really nice guy on shift, he let me take some. His name was Glenn…I think"

Daryl threw one arm over Beth pulling her in, she was so damn good at getting what they needed.

"You did good, we should get back I left all of our shit on the roof" he said huskily.

The two of them walked back down to the street, one of Daryl's arms over Beth and the other holding the pizza protectively. They were so close to home, he couldn't wait to climb that fire escape and sink his teeth into the pizza. They made their way down the dark alley and passed a guy just lying slumped against the wall it was too dark for them to see his face, Daryl just assumed he was drunk.

But he should've known better, a damn month on the streets and he should've known better.

Before they knew it the man was on his feet, he stuck one dirty hand out to grab Beth into the shadows with him.

"What do you have in the box, girl?" asked the voice. From where Daryl was standing he could smell the booze on his breath and on his clothes. Daryl curved his arm around Beth protectively and pulled her out of the man's grip.

"It's none of ya damn business" he snapped.

"I Just want to know" the man said coldly and familiarly. Daryl was certain he knew that voice, he'd heard it before except this time it sounded different. A little bit gravelly.

"It's nothing" Beth interjected "It's just trash. We finished it hours ago"

"That so?" the man asked

Beth and Daryl exchanged knowing looks and nodded quietly.

"Cause it looks like to me you got food and you're not sharing it. That wouldn't be polite now would it? I haven't eaten for a while"

Beth opened her mouth slowly but Daryl threw a hand out, stopping her from speaking.

"Well, like the girl said aint nothin' but trash. Sorry"

The man stepped into the light and suddenly Daryl felt himself get weak. Phillip Blake, the owner from the Drunken Deer was standing in front of him.

"Open it"

They stared at each other but Phillip didn't seem to recognise him at all. Maybe he'd lost for a little why, he did look like shit. He had a long messy beard taking up most of his face and an old rag covering up one eye, it still had his blood on it.

"Open the damn box!" Phillip yelled despite Daryl continuing to stare at him.

Daryl slipped the box into Beth's arms and walked towards him carefully. He had both of his hands out in front of him.

"Cool it. It's Daryl Dixon, remember? I used to get shit faced at ya bar" he said in a hushed tone.

Phillip shook his head distortedly, "I don't know you, I don't know anyone"

Daryl took another step closer, Beth put one hand out trying to pull him back but all he did was shake his head reassuringly.

"What happened Phil?" he asked as gently as he could.

He covered his face dazed, "M-My wife was first and then my daughter Penny a week later-Some drunk driver" he winced in pain as he touched his eye.

"What happened to ya eye man?"

"I-I lost it. I was hungry and a guy stole my food" he began chuckling "I lost an eye but he lost his fucking fingers nearly lost his head too"

Beth stepped forward shaking, Daryl could see the poor girl was terrified.

"We can share it" she said gently.

Phillip suddenly stopped looking at Daryl and lunged towards Beth trying to yank the box out of her hands. He looked like a feral animal, ready to snap at anything that got in the way of his prey.

"I haven't eaten for weeks!" he growled and Daryl immediately snatched the box back.

"She said share the damn food. Don't grab it" snarled Daryl.

Without warning Phillip pulled a knife from beneath his shirt, Daryl moved his hand for his and his heart froze when he realised it was on the roof with the rest of their stuff.

"I've lost everything! And If I need to hurt some people to survive that's what the fuck I'll do!" he roared in a rage. He moved his hands to yank it from Beth again but this time Daryl pushed Beth backwards getting in-between her and Phillip.

"You don't fucking touch her again! You hear me? Now piss off" he growled.

"Fuck you! You still have everything!" he yelled and Daryl moved forward sharply.

"Do you see where we are?" he shouted.

"Stop fighting please!" Beth pleaded holding Daryl's arm.

"Yeah I do see where we are and sometimes there are certain things you have to do to live" grinned Phillip. Daryl stepped forward ready to hit him when Beth suddenly ran in front of him, her hand on his chest ready to push him back.

"Daryl I don't want you to get hurt. You don't-"

Suddenly Beth was clutching Daryl tightly, he didn't understand.

Until he watched Phillip pull the bloody knife out of her back. She gasped whimpering softly, they stared into each other's eyes.

"Fuck!" Daryl yelled sharply before falling to his knees as her body fell to the ground. There was so much blood already, covering his hand and his trousers. He looked up helplessly to still see Phillip standing there with his hands shaking and covered in Beth's blood.

"What the fuck did you do?" Daryl screamed hysterically as he held Beth in his arms. Phillip just shook his head as if he didn't know what he was doing. At first it looked like he was trying to say something but all he did was grab the food and run off back into the shadows.

He clutched her tightly. She couldn't die now, not right here. It wasn't right.

"No no no" he whispered and suddenly he couldn't stop whispering the word no. He couldn't let this happen. "You aint going out like this Beth! You hear me?" He looked around in the area and there wasn't a person in sight. "Somebody help! Please" he howled weakly.

Beth gasped, there were tears streaming down her face as her hand struggled to clutch onto Daryl's shirt.

"Beth this aint supposed to happen" he wept. He held her closer "Jus' don't go…I can't do this alone"

One of Beth's fingers managed to make their way up to his cheek, she wiped the tears away gently but weakly.

"M-My" there was blood coming from her mouth now.

Daryl hushed her, "You're gonna be okay, they're gonna patch you up and you're gonna hold on dammit. You remember that song you sang to me about holding on?" he said shakily.

"My Daddy…My Sister…" she gurgled

"Help!" Daryl yelled again. His hand cupped her face, "You're gonna see them again. Beth…jus' stay with me" he cried.

Beth shuddered in his arms, a small simple smile planted on her face and then,

She was gone

Those Bambi eyes lost all of their precious light and just stared back at him blankly. He couldn't feel her hand on his face anymore, instead it was limp and on the ground being drowned in Beth's blood which didn't seem to be able to stop.

"Beth?" he said weakly hoping for a response but, nothing. He glanced down at his own hands covered in her scarlet blood and felt like he couldn't breathe. Daryl looked around but there was still nobody to be seen. He hugged her body close to him and lost all control. He began sobbing into her lifeless body which soon turned to screams and that's all he could do. Scream and cry because there were no words for what happened.

Except that

She deserved better

…

Carol found it hard to stare at Daryl with all of the tears falling from her eyes. The only thing she could make out was that Daryl was crying too.

"God" she whispered.

"Despite all of the screamin' only one person came and it was that damn delivery boy that gave her the pizza. He came running and he saw me there just holding her body. I told Glenn to go and get help and he did" Daryl exhaled "I had to carry her lifeless body I wouldn't let the paramedics touch her. I got into the ambulance with her and it just got worse from there"

"What-"

"Her family" he sighed "I was waitin' in the hospital gettin' cleaned up while I waited for the cops and then it happened. I was sitting there and then I watched that Nurse Maggie and her father Dr Greene running and the next thing I knew they were on their knees screaming"

He began crying himself, "She was only eighteen years old, she had so much to fucking do and that bastard-"

Carol wrapped her arms around him holding him close, "I'm so sorry I can't even imagine Daryl"

"They never found him either" He threw another bottle furiously, "She deserved better than this shit, her family did"

"You did" Carol said softly.

"Nah, don't even fuckin' count me in. I let it happen and it should've been me. Not her" he growled. He shook his head "I went to her funeral and held Maggie's hand the whole way through it. A lot of people showed up. She-"

He shook his head again and almost stormed into the kitchen searching for another bottle. A few seconds later he returned with two glasses and handed one to Carol. He raised his own to the ceiling

"Beth Greene, you deserved better"

The two of them gulped down their drinks and threw the glasses to the ground.

"What happened after-"

"Rick happened"

…

Daryl ended up waiting in the hospital for a long time, partly being checked for any injuries, getting cleaned up and waiting for the cops to question him yet again. He was so sick of all of this bullshit, he didn't want to be here. He just wanted to disappear with Carol, Sophia and Beth. Just take them all away from their troubles and help them. Carol would've loved Beth. She had that sweetness and toughness that they could relate to.

He shook his head and bowed it. Just thinking about Beth made him depressed all over again. It was all his fucking fault, if he had provided for them better maybe she wouldn't have had to go and find food or if he had just protected her better. It would be him heading off to the morgue and she would still be living her life like she should, with her family.

He began sniffing to himself.

The looks on their faces broke him completely. As soon as he watched them fall and heard Maggie screaming it was like his heart had suddenly slowed down and couldn't find a way to speed up again. If he had just known sooner that she was related to them he could've brought her home and she would've been safe. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Daryl rested his head in his hands and only a few seconds later his head jerked up again. Gasping, he looked down at his hands expecting her blood to still be there, it wasn't there but he still felt like he could feel it covering his hands and dripping onto his trousers.

He felt sick

Daryl furiously stormed into the bathroom, he ran over to the sink and threw his hands under water to splash his face. He held his stomach tightly before keeling over the sink and throwing up, he couldn't do any of this shit anymore. He hated it and he fucking hated himself.

Daryl looked up at himself in the mirror reflection and began hitting his head against it, all the bad memories he had he just wanted them to go away. He wanted to forget his mother's face after his father had beaten her, he wanted to forget seeing Merle at his lowest point with the drugs, he wanted to forget Carol's tears when he had told her he couldn't see her anymore and he wanted to forget Beth's dead Bambi eyes staring right back at him.

Just as Daryl was close to breaking the mirror a voice echoed through the bathroom.

"You should think before you do shit like that, could get a concussion" he said unimpressed.

Daryl looked over to see Rick standing there in full uniform with his arms folded over his chest and all he could do was weakly walk over to him and press his face into his shoulder. He didn't do it because he wanted to cry he just needed a comfort or a reminder of another time.

Rick carefully patted his back muttering the words

"I'm sorry"

Rick ended up taking him to the cafeteria and buying him a coffee for a "Talk" which surprised Daryl. He expected this to be more dramatic cop bullshit.

"Aint you supposed to be draggin' me down to the police station?"

"I'll write down what you tell me, you're not exactly a murder suspect just yet" he said pointing a small yellow notepad that rested on the table.

Daryl nodded and stared his coffee.

"Do you have anythin' else I can put in this?" he asked gruffly.

"You shouldn't be drinking"

"Please" Daryl pleaded "I fuckin' need it"

Rick sighed, "Later okay?"

Daryl exhaled nodding again, he looked down disappointed at his coffee. But, it was better than nothing.

"So…What happened?" Rick asked as he picked up the pen and notepad.

Daryl took a breath, "We were coming back after finding some food and this guy was tryin' to rob us. He pulled a knife and was heading for me but Beth got in the way. Fucker just ran off"

"Would you recognise him if you saw him again?"

"Yeah, I know his name too. Phillip fuckin' Blake"

Rick sat back for a second, his arms crossed over his chest and he suddenly looked disappointed.

"People have been looking for him, disappeared a few months ago after his wife and daughter passed away"

"I heard about it on the news and through some guy he worked with"

Rick shook his head, "Shit" he cleared his throat grabbing the notepad again. "So what were you doing with Beth Greene?"

"We survived together, she found me a month ago living on the streets and we just stayed together" Daryl began getting teary eyed "She was a good kid, she didn't deserve this shit"

Rick slammed the notepad on the table, his eyes suddenly looked very dark.

"You've been living on the streets? Why the hell didn't come to me and Lori first? What happened with your brother?"

"We had some differences so I fuckin' left and I didn't come to you and ya wife because I don't need the damn pity. I don't need reminding of what the fuck happened to Carol or with Ed. I rather jus' be on my own and-"Daryl paused scoffing.

"Die?" Rick finished and Daryl's sadness turned to a sudden fury.

"Fuck you, you don't know shit. I don't know why you're even still fuckin' talking to me" Daryl stood up "The interview is done"

Rick stood up sharply and stared directly into Daryl's eyes.

"It aint done until I say it's done. Now sit the fuck down" Rick growled not once breaking his cold stare.

Daryl threw Rick a hard stare and slowly sat down. He couldn't deal with this bullshit.

"You're gonna listen to me good and you're not gonna argue with me neither" he began "You're coming home with me now and we're going to talk. Alright?"

Daryl scoffed, his hand swung quickly as he knocked the coffee cup off of the table and before he knew it Rick was running around the back of him and slamming a pair of handcuffs onto his wrists.

"What the fuck" Daryl growled trying to wriggle.

"I'm sorry I didn't want to do that but you weren't being calm" Rick sighed as he tightened them. Daryl tried to open his mouth but all Rick did was throw him another look filled with intense eyes and he looked away.

He didn't need to be in more deep shit.

"Aint you supposed to serve and protect?" Daryl asked as he sat in the back of the cop car. The handcuffs were tight as hell, he didn't remember them being this tight.

They came to a red light and Rick turned to look at him, one hand resting on the wheel.

"I'm not arresting you, I just need you to remain calm so we can talk"

"I don't want to fucking talk" he bowed his head "I just want to be alone" he sighed weakly.

Rick shook his head, "Now that I found you I can't do that. You need a home and I can't let you die on your own like that"

"Why do you care?" Daryl asked quietly.

The lights turned green and Rick turned his back again.

"When you protected Carol, you protected my family. So now I'm protecting you"

Daryl lifted his head chuckling "You call handcuffing me and forcing me into ya car protecting me?"

Rick shrugged, "If it means you're not gonna hurt yourself out there then, yeah"

Daryl lowered his head again, he didn't want anybody's help. There wasn't much point, everything to him never seemed to last forever.

"Everyone I care about ends up hurt or dead. Just leave me be"

Rick turned to look at him again as he stopped his face turned into a mix of sympathy and desperation, he looked as if the next words that came out of his mouth would force him to tears. Daryl just didn't understand, he wasn't the type of guy you feel sorry for, just the type that isn't worth shit.

"Just stay a few nights" he began calmly, he blinked softly "I-I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if anything happened to you on my watch. You're my responsibility"

Daryl slouched in his seat as he thought about it and suddenly his mind turned back to Beth, he narrowed his eyes towards Rick casually.

"What about Beth? What's gonna happen with Maggie and Hershel?"

"I haven't spoken to them yet, I saw another cop talking to them but I will when I get the chance" he said turning back to look at the road.

Daryl didn't say anything, all he did was look down at his clothes that were still covered in her blood. There was so much of it all running across his pants from holding her and his shirt from where she had gripped onto him tightly in her last few moments. No matter how much they tried to clean it, he could still see her blood and smell her blood and feel her blood.

He'd probably have to burn this later.

Daryl bent down sickly, he couldn't take the smell anymore. It suffocated him slowly, each breath he took reminding him of what he couldn't save.

"I've got some clean clothes for you when we get back. And we retrieved your stuff from the roof…" he hesitated "And hers… It's…with her family now"

Daryl barely looked up at him.

"Whatever"

…

Daryl ended up staying longer than a few days, whenever he thought about leaving Rick would end up convincing him to stay longer which Daryl secretly didn't mind and then days turned to weeks. Hell, it was much better than fighting for a different bed every night and wondering when he'd next be eating, if he ever did. But every time he went to sleep enjoying life slightly more, he felt the guilt of not having Beth with him living like she should be or nearly every night he felt a wave of guilt that he wasn't out there looking for Ed so he could pay for what he did to Carol.

Nobody really spoke about Carol in the house, not even Lori although she barely even looked at Daryl. There were some times where she'd be nice enough to offer him food between meals but he could tell she was still nervous around him. Especially since Rick lied to her about his connection to Beth. As far as she was concerned he was a violent drunk who Rick had found at the police station again after getting into a fight.

And Daryl didn't mind he didn't need her to like him.

He spent the majority of his time in his room drinking what he could get his hands on and thinking about Carol and Beth. But mostly Carol, all he wanted was to be lying with her. She'd know how to comfort him and tell him it would be okay and remind him that somebody loves him.

Daryl sighed

He knew in the back of his mind that she probably had forgotten him by now. Maybe even moved on with someone else.

He didn't blame her, maybe this guy wouldn't almost get her killed.

Daryl was sitting in the darkness of his bedroom when he suddenly heard the door behind him creak open, he turned to see Rick standing in the doorway allowing only a little bit of light to enter the room. They exchanged quiet looks before Rick shut the door behind him and walked over to Daryl's bed. He stepped over bottles and old papers looking disappointed.

Rick sat on Daryl's nicely made bed and stared down at the bottle of Jack Daniels in Daryl's fist and shook his head. He then swept his eyes over the bedroom looking at the different police reports on Ed scattered around the room.

"This has to stop" he sighed.

"You aint doin' ya job. I have to find that bastard, I've spent too long slacking off" he said dryly. Rick delicately eased the bottle out of Daryl's hand and rested it on his lap, he stared down at it sadly. There was only a little bit left.

"Have you slept, Daryl?"

Daryl shrugged.

"What about eating? When you first came you seemed happy to eat with us and now we barely even see you"

"Shit happens" he grunted

Rick shifted on the bed, "I want you to get a job. Anywhere, you just got to get out of this room and keep your mind off of the investigation. When I took you in I promised I'd help you and this…this isn't healthy"

Daryl turned to face him sharply, "I already let Phillip get away with killin' Beth I aint lettin' Ed get away with hurtin' Carol" he snarled. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest, he hadn't felt this furious in a while. Why the fuck did Rick want to just give up so easily?

"We can still work on finding Ed, together. Just get a job somewhere even if it's part time. Carol wouldn't want this and I don't think Beth would either"

Daryl leaned into Rick's face abruptly "You don't get to bring them into this!" he snapped.

Rick sighed, he slowly got up from Daryl's bed and dropped the bottle into his hands again before he turned to walk out the door again.

"You told me Phillip Blake used to own that bar with…Martinez? Maybe he could use some help since his boss went AWOL"

Daryl grunted

"Just take as long as you need" Rick shut the door.

Daryl just closed his eyes and just kept drinking.

…

The next morning Daryl searched through his neatly laid out closet and pulled out one of Rick's cleaner shirts and pants. He inhaled softly, they smelled like fabric softener. Daryl slipped them on and suddenly found that they could barely fit him, he could see the pants falling down his waist and the sleeves of the shirt moving over her fingers. He was almost certain Rick was smaller than him. He glanced at his reflection.

He hadn't realised he'd lost that much weight.

He walked into the bathroom as he tied a belt around his pants and shaved, leaving a little bit of stubble of course and then moved onto Rick's many deodorants spraying himself with it.

Must sweat a lot Daryl thought staring at his collection of deodorants.

He splashed himself in the face before running his fingers through his hair and brushing his teeth. Daryl caught sight of himself in the mirror and stared for a long time, it had been a while since he'd really seen himself not in darkness.

I can do this shit he thought hopefully Even if it is temporary

Rick was right even if he didn't want to admit it, he knew he had to get out of that room and out of that state before it consumed him. He thought about Carol and if there was a slim chance he'd see her again one day, he knew she wouldn't want to see him looking like this. He had to do it for her and himself.

He opened the door slowly just as Lori was about to walk into the bathroom, dressed in her cream night gown. They stared at each other for a few awkward seconds until, much to Daryl's surprise Lori smiled and wrapped her arms around him tightly. His hands patted her gently, he had no fucking clue of how to respond.

"What was that for?" he asked letting her go.

"For trying" She grinned "It's good to see you out of that room Daryl"

Daryl didn't know what to say next, all he could do was nod like a jackass. It was the first real time she'd been this nice to him since he got there. Lori barely even smiled at him, all she would do was give him dirty looks as if he'd killed someone in front of her.

Daryl grunted and forced a weak smile before moving past her and walking down the stairs.

He never was that great in social situations.

By the time he got down the stairs Rick was already fully dressed in his uniform and sitting at the table with a plate of eggs and toast, along with a newspaper. Daryl strolled in steadily and as soon as Rick caught sight of him, the room seemed to light up immediately. Daryl sat down across from him, they exchanged looks quietly.

"I see you took my advice" Rick said proudly.

Daryl shrugged, "I was gettin' tired of smellin' like shit and stayin' in that room. Kind of needed to see a different face"

Rick pushed his plate across the table, "I'm not hungry"

Daryl immediately stuck his knife and fork into the food, moaning slightly when it got to his mouth.

"Thank ya" he said gratefully

"It's good to see you eating" Rick grinned taking a sip of his coffee. "I'm guessing you want a ride to Martinez"

"Sure"

The ride ended up being longer than Daryl would've liked, since Rick got lost on nearly every turn until he gave in and used the GPS.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked taking a turn "You've been fighting me on this for weeks"

"I thought about Carol, Sophia and Beth" he sighed "You're right they'd hate to see me like that after everything they've…we've been through. Especially Sophia…she's had one father become a drunken bastard she doesn't need to see me become one too"

"What about Ed?"

Daryl lit himself a cigarette as he lowered the window,

"I aint givin' up on Ed I'll find him even if it's the last thing I ever do. He aint allowed to get away with it. Too many monsters get away without being punished. And Phillip….if I ever see him again I'll take out his other eye"

Rick gave him a sideways look, "I wouldn't say that in front of a cop" he muttered.

"I don't care. If I see him again I'm gonna kill him"

Rick patted him on the back as they pulled up in front of The Drunken Deer and it was a damn mess. The sign was falling to pieces and the red paint was beginning to peel off and some of the windows had been broken into and it didn't look like it had had a customer in weeks maybe months.

"Jesus" Rick exhaled

"You can say that again" Daryl muttered, he threw his cigarette out of the window and climbed out of the car.

"I'll meet you around 5pm to drop you off at home" he called before driving off with the siren blaring. Rick usually did that to beat morning traffic.

Daryl entered the dusty house, pushing the door stiffly. He glanced around and he was right. The place hadn't been touched in months. All he could see were a few boxes gathered in corners and a man lying face down on the bar.

"Martinez" Daryl rasped quietly.

Martinez looked up sleepily, his eyes squinting at first until he caught sight of who was standing in front of him and then his eyes widened.

"Daryl?" He said with a smile on his face as he hopped off of the bar and immediately wrapped his arms around him. For a moment Daryl felt good hugging Martinez until, the grip on him got tighter and his face changed into something angrier.

"Where the hell have you been? I've had Merle in and out of here looking for you for the past month. He seems to be kind of busy with your dad lately"

Daryl raised his eyebrows, he didn't think Merle had the patience to look for him. He remembered when he was a kid, he got lost on a hunting trip after falling off a rock in the forest and ended up getting hurt. He spent hours just lying near the river until Merle bothered to find him, he was already pissed off at him for having to search for more than ten minutes. Let alone one month.

"Merle was here?"

"Yeah, seemed kind of worried" he paused thinking for a moment and turned his eyes to look at Daryl again, "Where were you?"

Daryl lit himself another cigarette, "Homeless for a while…Now I'm stayin' with a friend" He exhaled blowing the smoke out smoothly "What about you man?"

Martinez chuckled, but not in a way that made Daryl think something good had happened to him like he'd won the lottery. He laughed as if to say what kind of stupid fucking question is that?

"My wife and I broke it off finally and I lost a home I haven't seen my kids in a few weeks now. I've been living here for a month" he sighed.

"Sorry to hear that man"

"We're barely getting business since Phillip left. He made this place-"

Daryl clenched his fists furiously at the sound of Phillip's name.

"Give me a fuckin' drink" he growled stomping over to the bar stools.

"Sure" Martinez said hesitantly, he poured out a bottle of beer into a cup and slipped it over to Daryl who gulped it down as if it were a glass of water. Daryl knew he could see his anger, but he didn't care. He did not need to hear that murderer's name.

"Hey…What's up?" Martinez asked slowly.

"I ran into Phillip and let's just say we had a disagreement" he muttered sharply.

Martinez leaned forward, "You saw him? What happened? Is he okay?" he asked quickly.

Daryl stared coldly into his eyes, "He killed my friend. She was just a girl, only 18 years old" he said never once breaking his stare.

Martinez shook his head, "Jesus Christ! You sure it was him?"

"I knew it was him. Lost an eye or hurt it, fuck I don't even care"

"Fuck man, what did he do?"

"We were walkin' he tried to jump us for a pizza and he was gonna kill me but she got in the way. The fucker…"he slammed his glass on the word fucker "…didn't even stick around, just left with our stuff" he said huskily.

Martinez looked like he was about to throw up as he processed it all.

"I'm sorry man…Is that why you were M.I.A for a while?"

Daryl lowered his head and poured himself another glass of beer.

"No…" he began softly "I left because…" he felt like he couldn't even speak about Carol now. As if she was something forbidden. He sighed, "Do you remember that woman I was with on Christmas?"

"The one in that red dress?" he chuckled "It's the only thing I remember about her I was shit faced"

"I was with her for a while" he laughed "Almost a year actually. She ended up saving me after getting beat up by some guys at the bar my dad goes to, damn near carried me home before that storm hit in January and I could swear I was with a fucking angel or something, treated me nice let me stay the night and I fell for her so fuckin' hard. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. But she was married to this asshole…You know Ed Peletier?"

"The guy the cops have been looking for? I think I saw him in here with Merle a few times, never really talked to him"

Daryl made a face as he took a sip from his beer.

"He beat her up, looked at his own fucking daughter sometimes too…" he shuddered "and I don't know if It was just that I was crazy about her already or if it was the fact that they were stuck with him…But I fought for her, I didn't care about him or the fucking consequences and she ended up staying with me"

He glanced up at Martinez who was listening intently.

"I was gonna marry her" he said with a small smile on his face, until it suddenly disappeared with his next sentence "My brother told Ed and well you know the damn rest he almost killed her and disappeared. I ended up sending her away, it got shitty between me and Merle and I disappeared for a while and that's it…"

Martinez put one hand out and patted Daryl's shoulder gently, they exchanged looks and nodded quietly.

"Are you okay?"

Daryl shrugged "Have to be"

"Why are you here?"

"I gotta take my mind off of all of this shit and get out of my room. I just need a job"

Martinez leaned back against the bar and folded his arms looking slightly remorseful.

"I can't say the pay is gonna be good considering this place went into the shit hole"

"I could deal with that. Try and get the sign dealt with, fix the windows" he glanced over Martinez's shoulders "And get some better booze all of this is shit"

Martinez laughed, "That's all on you"

"It's fine. Like I said I gotta get my mind off of some stuff"

Martinez grinned, "Fine I'll go get you a key to this place and some tools if Phillip left any-"he paused, he turned to look at Daryl and just shook his head before disappearing into the back.

Daryl turned his stool around and remembered how different this place was a few months ago. There were lights, music and people that actually looked happy even if they weren't the rest of the year. There was a small pain in his chest. This place used to be home to him and Phillip used to be family. And now this home was as broken as his family.

It's not like Daryl was that upset because in his mind everything was temporary.

It was funny how quickly things could change.

He put his cigarette out with his boot.

Actually it wasn't funny, it was stupid.

…

Carol still sat there watching Daryl get drunker and drunker with every sip, as if that was the only way he'd be able to tell his story or even maybe help him to forget. Either way, Carol didn't impose.

"Is that it then?" she asked softly.

Daryl laughed at her mockingly,

"Of course it aint. We haven't gotten to April yet"

"April?" Carol said confused and then her eyes fluttered shut as she remembered what happened in April. "Oh, you mean when you abandoned me?" she uttered accidentally coldly.

Daryl stared at her, his eyes looking suddenly hurt. He opened his mouth to say something, anything. But he couldn't find the words all he could do was sigh and press the bottle of booze to his lips. Carol moved her hand to cover his,

"I'm sorry, I'm still a little angry of that. But I shouldn't have said anything"

"You got the right to be. I was bein' selfish-"

Carol put one hand up, "Save it. I don't want to talk about it anymore…Just tell me what happened next"

"Believe it or not I got better"

After a few weeks Daryl had begun a new routine, every morning he'd go out to work with Martinez in the bar until the evenings and he'd spend time with Rick, Lori and their kid Carl. His room no longer smelled like booze and depression and all of the police reports had been returned to Rick's desk. He even took up learning how to decorate professionally and had gained a lot of the weight back, although some nights he still had small relapses he'd have too much to drink, he'd see or hear a song that reminded him of Carol and he'd end up in a mess for a few days or he'd remember exactly what Ed had done and demand the papers back but Rick and Lori always managed to get him back on track even if it took a while.

Everything finally seemed on balance until he got the call.

"What call?" Carol asked

Daryl just threw her a sad look not answering right way.

"The call that sent me over the edge again"

…

It was a slow day for Daryl in the bar, Martinez wasn't in because he was helping his brother move houses and barely anyone was coming in for a drink which was a slight relief considering he'd barely gotten any sleep the night before thinking about Carol. He was only an hour away from finishing so it was alright.

He'd only just made himself a small glass of whiskey when the phone rang.

"Yeah, The Drunken Deer. What do you want?"

"Daryl!" Daryl heard Maggie's frantic voice and immediately sat up straight and clutched the phone to his ear.

"Maggie are you okay?"

"I'm so sorry Daryl but you've got to come down to the hospital. I-It's your dad"

Daryl's heart began hammering against his chest and his hands were clammy.

"What's wrong with him?"

He could hear her taking a deep breath before she finally said,

"He hasn't got long left…"

Daryl shook his head even though he knew Maggie couldn't see him.

"No" he breathed "Where's Merle? He's been the one visiting him"

Maggie fiddled with the phone, "We called him but he never picked up" she sighed "I'm sorry Daryl but you've got to come down if you want to say goodbye"

Daryl smacked his glass on the counter, a tiny shard stabbing into his hand.

"Fuck that Maggie. I aint saying shit, he's treated me like shit since day 1 so I aint saying goodbye so he can feel better" he growled. As soon as Maggie sighed on the other side of the phone he could hear the disappointment in her breathing.

"I understand…he's been talking about you, seems like he wants to say goodbye to you and apologise" she exhaled.

Daryl stared at the phone in his hand, this time it was shaking. Why the fuck did he want to apologise? Years of abuse and he never even looked sorry once, if anything he looked proud that he was 'toughening' them up with the beatings and abusive language. He couldn't believe a damn word Maggie was saying.

"Apologise?"

"Yeah, he feels guilty. I think he has…he's been on a lot of meds to ease the pain. Look Daryl I think you should see him to say goodbye"

Daryl banged his fist on the counter outraged.

"Why should I?" he snapped

There was a long pause, Daryl could hear Maggie nervously playing with the phone on her end and the few small breaths she was letting out until she finally spoke.

"I never got to say goodbye to my mother because I was too afraid to see her and I didn't get to say goodbye to…" she paused "….Beth…"

Beth's name hit Daryl like a rocket and he felt his body suddenly go cold.

"I regret it. I know I haven't gone through what you have but I just think you should do it for closure I guess and for his reasons"

Daryl didn't respond. He just sat there chewing on his lip, if he went to the hospital he'd have to see his Dad dying, he'd have to hold his hand while he was hurting and he'd have to tell him it would be okay.

The things his dad never did for him.

Daryl sighed, "I'll see you in 10 minutes Maggie" And he hanged up the phone.

It took Daryl 5 minutes to convince himself to actually leave the bar before he just thought 'fuck it' and locked up not caring if Martinez got pissed off or not. He hopped into his pre-owned yet new truck he'd saved up for a month earlier and ended up driving like a madman to get to the hospital. Fuck, he'd probably gone through at least 4 cigarettes in the space of 5 minutes.

When he arrived at the hospital he was immediately greeted by a nervous Maggie. As they exchanged smiles and walked to the elevator together, he couldn't help but stare at her. It had been months since Beth's death and she looked better, not completely recovered but better than when he had last seen her. Her hair was tucked neatly behind her ears and she looked a lot less pale which meant she had actually left the house.

He was proud she was trying.

"I'm glad you came" she grinned

"Whatever I say in that room I aint gonna mean it. The man is a bastard" he said coldly. "Hurt my mom, my brother and me"

She tilted her head, "I'm sorry…I just don't think anyone should die alone"

Daryl gave her a hard stare and without missing a beat said,

"Even Phillip?"

Maggie threw him a sharp look, her big green eyes were now glaring at him and that beautiful smile had turned into something much more vicious. Daryl was almost certain she was gonna slap him across his face.

"Shut your mouth" she snarled

Daryl moved one hand to touch Maggie's shoulder delicately,

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"

Maggie shut her eyes and shook her head.

"It's fine…I get it" she breathed.

They reached the third floor and exited the elevator together slowly.

"How ya doin'? I haven't seen ya since the funeral"

"Surviving. Me and Daddy…although Daddy hasn't been the same"

He narrowed his eyes, "And you?"

Maggie forced a small smile, "I'm…I'm just glad I have Glenn"

Daryl grinned fondly. Well I'll be dammed he thought amused.

"The pizza guy?"

"Yeah, we stayed in contact after what happened. He seems nice although he lives all the way in Atlanta" she paused turning to look at him "I wish you would've stayed too"

Daryl shrugged, "Well when I get this shit out of the way maybe we can get a drink together"

"Sounds good"

They suddenly stopped in front of Dr Greene, Daryl realised why and his stomach began to twist.

Hershel smiled at him, "It's good to see you boy, I'm just sorry it's a sad occasion"

"How long does he have?"

Hershel held his chart close to his chest, "Only a few more minutes Son"

"Okay" Daryl moved his hand to grip the door handle and no matter how hard he held it he couldn't seem to lower it for him to go inside. He could feel himself shake and sweat and his heart racing against his chest and nothing would happen, it was like he was paralysed in one moment. Even though he hated him, he realised he was about to watch someone die. His own father.

"Daryl?" Maggie's hand was now on his softening over it.

"I-I just need a minute" he exhaled deeply.

Maggie moved past him and opened the door,

"I'll see how he is"

Daryl sat down on the floor for a moment, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Like all the air inside of him had vanished and that he wasn't ever going to breathe again, he held his chest and began hyperventilating into his knees.

"I can have Maggie in there with you so you're not alone" Hershel offered kindly.

Daryl swallowed, "I don't know if I can do this" he sighed. "He treated me like shit, but he's my fucking Dad. And might be the only one in my family that still gives a damn about me. I know it's the fucking meds but shit he's the last one left. My Mom, Carol and now him"

"What about Merle?"

Daryl scoffed, "After the shit I've said and done I won't be surprised if he punches me out" he sighed again "I can't"

Hershel laid a hand on Daryl's shoulder and stared at him with wise eyes that looked like they had stared into millions of lost souls, helping them when they needed it most.

"Son, we've all got jobs to do. Mine is to take care of my little girl since she's all I have left, Maggie's was to take care of your father and now yours is to comfort him in his last few minutes. I'm not saying you have to forgive him and forget your past but just be there. Get closure for him and you. The dead don't just come back son, you got to say and do what you have to now"

Daryl nodded and suddenly they were interrupted by the sound of Maggie opening the door gently. She looked distressed and Daryl knew it was time to get off of his lazy ass.

"Daryl it's time"

Daryl just walked through the door silently, not bothering to look back once until Maggie slipped her hand into his and squeezed.

"Are you gonna be okay?" she asked gently.

"Yeah" he muttered pulling his hand out of her grip.

Daryl walked through the door, the first thing that hit him was the machine that was loud enough to block out his thoughts, then it was his father's two pale matchstick feet sticking out from beneath the sheets and finally when he walked around the curtains, he saw the tubes running up and down his father's now pale face, dark eyes and skinny body.

Daryl had to stop himself from having a panic attack.

It was much worse than he had imagined.

The first thing his father did when he caught sight of Daryl, was smile and that broke Daryl's heart in two. Mainly because he had barely ever seen his Dad smile especially at him, the only times he'd ever witness him even crack one was when he had shot his first deer at the age of 15 and when he'd won another fight with the neighbourhood kids who'd picked on him for being poorer than him. He wasn't sure if he was ever proud of him or if he was just happy his son wasn't as much of a pussy as he thought.

They exchanged looks and Daryl's dad's looked a lot more tired and worn out.

His dad looked at him with dark eyes and began patting the bed for Daryl to sit on with him.

"Come over" he said hoarsely "I aint got long and I wanna talk to-"he coughed "-You"

Daryl steadily walked over and sat down on the chair beside him. He slid his hand into his Dad's and almost snatched it away within seconds of holding it. It was so cold and clammy and the closer he got to his father he could hear a gurgling sound building up in the back of his throat. He didn't know what to say, the bastard that had beat him senseless for years was now dying right in front of him with a smile on his face and his hand clasped as tightly as it could tighten around his.

"I've had a lot of regrets in my life and I hurt a lot of people. Your mom, Merle and….you" he said dryly.

"Why the fuck are you tellin' me this?"

His father's finger smoothened over his thumb gently,

"I wanna apologise before I kick the bucket. I've been real shitty towards ya Daryl and I'm sorry"

"No apology is gonna make up thirty-five years" Daryl growled, all he wanted to do was take his hand away from his father's grip. He didn't deserve his damn forgiveness, he brought all that shit on himself.

He patted his hand, "I know Daryl"

"Did you tell Merle this shit?" Daryl asked. He wasn't entirely sure if Merle would have the same reaction as him even though he got beaten up just as badly as Daryl when they were kids, well at least that's what the scars on Merle tell him. The only thing Daryl remembered vividly was walking into his mother's room and seeing Merle crying as she covered up the new scar on his leg which was gushing blood. He remembered her telling him things would change one day and he'll be fine when he grows up.

Despite all the beatings and childhood trauma Merle still defended him when Daryl wanted to disrespect him. He called him a bastard and an asshole yet he still visited him in hospital, he still had poker nights with him and get drunk.

Maybe it was because they were so alike.

"I didn't tell Merle" he began exhaustedly "You. You're my good boy, always the sweet one. Never seemed to have a mean bone in ya body"

Daryl scoffed, "That's bullshit"

His father's hand squeezed tighter this time, like he was clinging onto life still.

"Shut the fuck up and listen for once" he paused swallowing hard "You aint a Dixon Daryl, you're not. You aint like me or that idiot Merle. You're better than all of us, than the assholes in this town. And I'm proud of ya, I'm so fuckin' proud of ya"

Daryl could feel tears coming, his heart raced and all he could do was dig his head into his Dad's hand like a stupid kid. His dad patted his head gently.

"Stop bein' so damn emotional. Yoy like ya damn Mom"

Daryl lifted his head up sharply,

"I don't fucking believe you the fucking things you did. It's the damn medication you hated me the minute mom died you blamed it on me!" he nearly yelled.

"I know" he said softly. This time he didn't have an explanation for his actions, they both knew he was a horrible human being that deserved to rot.

"I don't forgive you" he said coldly.

"I don't need you to. I need you to know before I die that I'm sorry" he let out a weak wheeze "just says take care of yourself for me and your brother even if he is a jackass" he began gasping for air as he held his chest "Daryl, can you do one last thing for me? Even if you hate my guts. Just stay with me please" he pleaded. Daryl saw the fear in his eyes and heard the plea of a desperate man and made a decision.

"Okay Dad, I'll stay with you" he said softly.

And it takes a few moments of Daryl's head resting against his Dad's cold hand trying to find some sense of comfort until he heard one final breath slip out of him and the machine screaming in the background. And he didn't know why but in one moment his eyes started flooding.

He heard the door creak open and felt Maggie's warm arms wrapping around him,

"Daryl…" she whispered sadly.

He looked up at her, with tears streaming down his cheeks.

"It's funny they don't seem to be able to stop"

Maggie just held him against her and they spent the next five minutes just sitting there. One hand still holding his Dad's and the other holding Maggie closer, he just couldn't bring himself to let go.

But like everything else in this damn world it couldn't last forever. He had to let her go and he had to let them take his Dad away and then he had nothing.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Maggie asked still rubbing his shoulders tenderly.

"I'm always okay"

…

Carol shook her head,

"Please don't tell me you went where I think you went" she said softly. It had been such a long and horrible night she couldn't bare to hear anymore, especially Daryl almost getting himself killed.

He caressed her hand gently,

"I'm sorry but you got to hear everythin'" he took a sip of his drink "It's nearly over anyway"

….

He ended up stumbling for what felt like 10 minutes after 8 beers and ended up outside of Carol's house. It still had old police tape across certain parts of the house. He tried to walk but ended up falling down in the bushes in front of the house, at first he tried the front door but it was locked so he moved around the back remembering how he used to get in.

He shimmied up the drain pipe and forced his way through the bathroom window landing flat on his face, but he didn't care.

His only focus was her bedroom.

Daryl swung open the closet door only to remember that he packed up all of her clothes for her, there wasn't one piece of her clothing left hanging and it immediately turned Daryl into a mess. He began weeping hopelessly as he let himself flop onto her bed and his crying suddenly stopped and his fingers played with the duvet softly. He pressed his nose up against it and inhaled.

He could still smell her sweet scent on it, it was very light but it didn't matter to him. Daryl cuddled into it smoothly and let his eyes flicker shut. He pretended she was still there sitting with him, like the nights he found it too hard to be happy. He pretended she was stroking her fingers through his long hair as she whispered the words

It'll be okay

He knew it was stupid and he knew he was drunk but he needed it.

So badly.

There had been so much death and so much misery he just needed somebody to stay with him and give him the comfort she used to give him. The soft kisses, the whispering, the gentle hands stroking his hair back into place.

He just couldn't do this shit anymore.

After maybe 4 minutes of holding the last scent he had of Carol he sunk away back down the stairs and walked into the kitchen his hand immediately searching for whiskey, he knew Ed's stash was still in there. But to his surprise most of it was empty.

"Fuck" he muttered.

He walked into the darkness of the living room with the bottle in his hand, as he entered he heard a heavy breathing coming from one side of the room, he turned his head slowly to see a body sprawled out on the couch like an eagle and he immediately recognised who it was.

Daryl walked over to his sleeping body and without any hesitation broke the bottle over his head before tossing him off of the couch and straight into the glass coffee table.

"You son of a bitch!" he almost screamed as he watched him fall.

Ed fell down with the table and to Daryl's delight yelled in pain as a big shard of glass lodged itself into his arm. He still looked dazed giving Daryl the advantage.

Daryl sat on top of him and began knocking his fists into his face in a rage,

"You think you can almost kill your wife and get away with it?" he yelled

He gave him a powerful blow

"You can lay a hand on your little girl and get away with it?"

Punch

"I told you if you lay another hand on her or your little girl I'll fucking kill you!" he roared

Punch. His knuckles began to tear and bleed and splatter onto his clothes but

He just couldn't stop.

"You took everything away from me! I lost her because of you!"

Ed looked at him through swollen eyes and managed to cough out the words,

"I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't tried to take her first"

And then

Daryl saw red

His hands were shaking and the next thing he knew he was being dragged down by Rick who was hushing him and then he realised he was sobbing.

"It's okay you can stop" Rick assured him softly.

"It's his fault, he hurt her" Daryl cried quietly. He looked back at his hands, they were covered in blood, he wasn't sure if it were his own or Ed's or both. All he knew was that they hurt like hell and Rick was trapping them in a pair of shiny handcuffs.

"Is he alive?" Rick called to his partner Shane.

"Yeah! Unfortunately" Shane called back.

"Call an ambulance!" Rick barked back before taking Daryl straight to the police car. He ended up being the first one in the car while his partner waited for the ambulance and other officers. Although he was pretty certain Shane wanted some "alone time" with Ed to express his feelings towards the things he did.

"What did you do?" Rick hissed at him

"I couldn't stop…"

"What were you doing in there anyway?" he asked frustrated "We've been calling you all night"

Daryl shook his head, he felt so sick to his stomach he couldn't answer any more questions right now.

"It doesn't matter now. Just take me away" he said weakly.

Rick gave him a sympathetic nod, "We will as soon as the ambulance arrives" Daryl sighed, he could feel his wrists burning from the cuffs being too tight, he guessed they had to be that tight considering he almost beat a man to death. The worst thing was that after all the blows, after all the blood and all the pleads. Daryl barely felt anything about what he'd done, like it was a normal task like taking out the garbage.

Maybe it was the drinks, maybe they'd numbed the emotions enough for him.

"How did ya find me?" he asked finally.

"A neighbour alerted me…She thought you might've been Ed. She saw you sneaking into the house through one of the windows" he swallowed tenderly "This aint looking good for you Daryl. You're drunk to shit, you broke into private property and you're covered in that man's blood"

Daryl shrugged, "At least I fuckin' caught him" he muttered before turning to look out of the window. He could see the paramedics rushing out of the house with Ed on the stretcher, his arms looking limp and his face covered in blood. It was only when he saw them drive off he began to feel a little twist in his stomach. "I don't care what happens to me now"

The door suddenly opened and Shane hopped in next to Rick, he could see he had blood on his hands too, although it wasn't as much as Daryl. He must've been either helping moving him or having a little pay back of his own.

"The ambulance is gone" Shane said strapping himself in.

"And?"

"And as soon as they fix him up someone will drop by and take him down to the station" Shane twisted his head around to look at Daryl at the back of the car and he smiled at him. "You're a real son of a bitch but I got to hand it to ya. You gave him a hell of a beatin'" Shane said proudly.

Daryl glanced at him once,

"Whatever…"

Daryl didn't really remember the rest of the ride to the police station all he remembered was being thrown into his cell and him blacking out.

The next thing he knew Rick was knocking on the cell door telling him he's got a visitor. Daryl sat up groggily, his head hurting like hell. He could feel that his eyes were blood shot and could suddenly taste his own bitter breath, after an experience like this he wouldn't have been too opposed to give up drinking for good.

"He's not that happy to see you either…so I'll stand by" Rick warned.

Daryl nodded and Rick moved across the room to open the large metal door. Merle stood on the other side and as soon as it opened pretty much barged in furiously, he looked like he could tear Daryl's throat out with his teeth.

"What the fuck is wrong with you boy?" yelled Merle.

Daryl put one hand out shakily, "Merle…"

"Dad's fuckin' dead and I didn't even get to see the old man go!" he snapped ignoring all of Daryl's attempts to reach out to him.

"You didn't pick up the fuckin' phone" Daryl said softly, he wrinkled his nose "You stink of booze"

Merle hit the bars with his fist, "I was out looking for you, you piece of shit! I knew Dad only had a few days left so I thought it'd be worth tryin' to fucking find you. I've been there the whole fucking time and the one time I wasn't it was because of you!"

Rick took a step forward,

"Hey calm-"

"When I do get home I get a call telling me he's dead and another to come pick you up for another stupid mess! Huh? What were you doin' in that whore's house then?"

Daryl bowed his head and remained silent. He wished Merle would stop screaming for once because that's all he did. He screamed when their Mom died, he screamed when he got arrested and he screamed when Daryl got beaten up by their father and he only ever screamed at Daryl. But Daryl knew why he screamed at the world, he did it because he thought nobody was listening. He needed to be heard, he needed to know that somebody could hear him and that he wouldn't just fade because all the world ever saw him as was redneck trash.

"Pathetic." He spat "You aint a Dixon, you're a pussy"

Rick cleared his throat, interjecting Merle's rants.

"Are you here to bail him out?" he asked sternly.

"Nah, he can rot in here" he snarled before spitting on the ground and storming out of the room. Daryl sat there defeated, he deserved all of this shit.

"I think it's time we had that talk" Rick said, he sat down in front of Daryl on the other side of his cell. "What happened Daryl? Why the hell were you there?"

Daryl took a deep breath and exhaled,

"I…I was with Maggie at the hospital…My dad was dying and she wanted me there so I drove up. And he was a real piece of shit Rick he was, but he said some things he told me some shit about how he was proud of me and that he's sorry for what he did to me…and I don't know it fucking got to me. After everything that's happened in the last few Goddamn months I just kind of broke. I got shit faced I broke into Carol's place and I went to her room and stayed there for a few minutes" he paused "I needed her"

"Daryl…" Rick sighed but Daryl put a hand up to shush him

"I got down the stairs and saw Ed just lying there so casually like nothing had happened I kind of lost it I threw him onto the coffee table and started beatin' on him and I couldn't stop. I saw red…." He began whimpering softly "I was gonna kill him….I was gonna fuckin' kill him…"

He covered his face with his hands "I'm sorry" he cried.

Rick put his hand through the bars and patted him on the shoulder.

"He tried to kill Carol, if anything you got some justice"

"How bad is he?" Daryl asked now playing with the cuts on his fists nervously.

"You hurt him enough that that nose aint getting fixed too soon and he's too weak to run off again" Rick said slightly relieved. Daryl turned his back on Rick and began shaking it, all of this had become such a big fucking mess. He was just done with all of it.

"So much shit. I can't handle this anymore…I'm a fuckin' monster" he said softly and brokenly.

"Don't. You're a good man, I can see that"

"No" he snapped "I aint I'm poison…my mom, Carol, Beth and fuck even Ed. I break every damn thing I touch and I can't be around anyone anymore. Everything just gets so fucked with me around I-I can't"

"Relax, you've had a long night and a lot of shit's happened"

Daryl shook his head and turned to look at him again,

"When I get out of this cell I'm leavin'"

"What?"

"I don't belong here anymore. I'm poison and If I don't leave I'm gonna get to you too" he said sadly, he stared at Rick's face. He looked like someone had just told him his dog was dead, he just looked confused.

"You sound like an idiot"

"I can't stay"

Rick bit his lip and shook his head, like he was coming up with more reasons for him to stay. But no matter what Rick said, he couldn't stop him. His mind was made up the minute Merle had finished yelling at him.

"Lori and Carl love you"

Rick sighed, "Don't tell them any of this shit. Don't tell her why I was at Carol's and don't tell them why I'm leavin'"

"You're not leaving" Rick said sharply.

"You can't stop me Rick, I'll go eventually. Could be when you're at work could be when you're sleepin'"

"You want to end up on the streets again?" Rick said louder than he intended to.

"I've still got money from the bar, seems like enough for a small place"

Rick sighed and stood up, "Can you at least wait a few days, get out of those clothes, get sober and just wait" he said almost pleadingly.

They stared at each other intensely until Daryl muttered the word,

"Okay…" softly. "Now jus' leave me be"

Rick gave him a gentle smile before walking towards the door,

"You should be bailed out soon"

Daryl just ignored him and let himself lie on the freezing ground. What was the point anyway? He might as well rot in there.

….

"And of course you know what happened next" Daryl said to Carol before shutting his eyes and resting his head on the wall "I thought long and hard that day and the only thing I could think of was what happened those last few months. If I stayed with you any longer you could've-"

Carol lifted one hand sharply while she bowed her head,

"I don't want to hear it anymore. Or think about it. It's just another slideshow" she said "Just tell me what happened with Rick so we can end this awful story"

After a few days he couldn't take living there anymore, he started isolating himself again drowning in booze and he couldn't put them through that.

One morning Daryl just packed up his bags and waited downstairs to say his goodbyes. He put on something Lori had bought him as a gift and had the keys to his truck in his pocket. Rick entered the living room, he paused. The two of them exchanged looks and he just nodded sadly.

"Lori! Carl!" he called leaning against the wall. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off of Daryl's bags.

The two of them walked down the stairs still in their night clothes and stared at their serious demeanours.

"What's going on?" Lori asked nuzzling Carl's head with her hand.

"I'm leavin'"

Lori stared at him with wide eyes,

"Why?"

"Too many reasons to explain"

Lori's hand slipped into his squeezing it softly, it was so warm he wanted to treasure it.

"Please don't go, you're family you belong with us"

Daryl squeezed back before patting her on the back,

"Nah, I don't need ya lookin' out for me"

Rick moved from the wall, his hand dipped into a nearby drawer and he brought out a small jar of cash. He slipped half of it into Daryl's jacket pocket,

"I don't want you ending up at your lowest again. I won't allow it" Rick said pulling Daryl into a bear hug, "You're my brother"

Lori and Carl were next before Daryl could get a word in, they wrapped their arms around his body holding on as tightly as they could.

"Promise me you'll visit us again" Lori asked softly.

Daryl nodded but he never saw them again after that.

"And Martinez?" Carol asked

"I left him my keys to the bar and that address in case he needed me. Some days I think he showed up but I never answered I guess I was too ashamed or too drunk to face him."

"What did you do for three years without anybody?" Carol asked sadly, he didn't deserve anything he went through. Especially alone.

"I did a few jobs for people every now and then and that's pretty much it. The only person I've been in contact with is Maggie and Hershel because she checks up on me" he said. He put his bottle on the ground and began staring at her seriously. Carol knew it was coming, what he'd spent half the night building up to tell her. And from the look in his eyes, she knew it was bad news.

"Why are you telling me all of this Daryl? Why have we been sitting here for hours?" she asked gently.

Daryl began staring down at her hands, he used his thumb to rub it delicately and she could feel it shaking against hers.

"So you understand, why I've been sitting here and drinking, why I did drink and why what I'm about to tell you happened…" he said gruffly, he took her hand in his and held onto it like he was holding onto dear life. He kissed it tenderly and held it against his face as he stared at her. "Hershel is my doctor and Maggie is my nurse"

"W-Why do you need a doctor?" her voice trembled "You're not sick"

Daryl shut his eyes, keeping her hand pressed up against his face. She could feel his warm tears running down her hand, she had to clutch her stomach.

"I am Carol, I'm sick" he choked out "I've been sick for a while"

Carol began breathing deeply, "I-Is it cancer?" she asked brokenly.

Daryl held her hand tightly and stared into her eyes even though they both knew he wanted to break no matter how strong he tried to be he wanted to breakdown.

"It's my liver, these…these damn drinks have been killin' me for about two years now" he let out breathy laugh.

Carol wished he wouldn't laugh, there wasn't a thing funny about what he was telling her. Carol wanted to yell at him about the drinking he did tonight, she wanted to scream about how scared she was but all she could do was cry and let Daryl stroke her hair back.

"I heard the phone call last night. You telling Maggie that it was gonna break my heart…What's gonna break my heart? Please tell me the truth" she cried.

Daryl rested his head on Carol and she automatically began stroking his hair back with her fingers.

"My last test results aint looking too good the doctors don't know what's happening…Maggie she called me to tell me and I told her you were back. She wanted me to come clean but it just got to me I guess." He glanced up at her and stroked her face to wipe away the tears. "I finally get you back and I might not even have long left"

Carol remained in silence, she moved her hands to grab Daryl's bottle and she gulped what was left in one go. "Are you dying?"

"I don't know-"Daryl suddenly broke down and he buried himself straight into Carol. She could feel him shaking so she rocked him gently as she stroked his hair. She shushed him, ignoring her own tears as they rolled down her cheeks.

"It's okay to cry. You have the right" she hummed holding him.

Daryl held onto her tightly, "Is that it then?"

"Is what it?"

He looked up at her, "the dogs being put down what's the point of you staying any longer?"

Carol placed her hands onto his wet face and wiped the tears away with her hands and smiled through her own.

"Daryl Dixon I love you more than life itself. Before I met you I was alone, I was in a dark place and I was afraid of the future, afraid that I would be in the dark forever. Until I met you, you brought me life you brought me protection and family when you didn't need to. And I am so grateful, so don't you dare think for a minute that I would leave you when you're in your darkest place. I am going to fix you, we are going to beat this illness and the rest of the world and I want to spend the rest of my life with you until the very end. I'll never leave you"

"You still want to marry me?" he asked surprised.

"Yes" Carol whispered before leaning in to kiss him, "But you have to promise me three things"

"Yeah"

Carol took both of his hands in her own,

"You have to promise me you'll throw out all of your booze and you'll never touch another drop again. You have to promise me you'll move out of this apartment tomorrow and come home with me and finally you have to promise me that you'll never give up hope again"

Daryl shook his head, "What's the point of believing in hope? After everythin' that's happened…" he muttered.

"I asked myself that question for years. , I still do from time to time. That night when Ed almost killed me, I wondered when I felt life slipping away from me. And I think it's all about keeping hope and holding on. There are always gonna be dark days, there are always gonna be bad people and there is always gonna be pain. But the thing is, we can fight it we can find good people, we can be good people and we can have hope. If we don't hold on to what we have what's the point of living?"

"I don't know" he said quietly

Carol leaned into him, her grip on his hands grew tighter.

"Promise me you'll give up the drinking, please? Because I can't see you like that again I can't lose you too and you can't lose who you are, because who you are is precious and the fact that you're still here after all the shit you've been through says something. Don't lose that" she said desperately.

Daryl nodded, "I promise I'll quit tomorrow. I'll throw it all down the damn drain"

"Thank you" Carol kissed him again "Go to sleep now, it's late, and you're drunk"

"Okay" Daryl sighed and Carol helped him to his feet. They stumbled back into the bedroom silently through the darkness not looking back once. As soon as they got back to the bedroom, Carol set Daryl on the bed carefully and within seconds he was already asleep. She grinned at him, he tried so hard to stay awake while he was drunk as hell.

She threw the blanket over him before standing over him and kissing his forehead softly. Carol moved to join him in bed, she wrapped one arm over Daryl nuzzling into him and then began sobbing to herself.

She wished she could believe her own damn words