Part of the healing process is sharing with other people who care.
Jerry Cantrell
BELLA'S POVSlowly, I began to wake, feeling strangely at peace after last night's ordeal. There was nothing I could do about it. It happened and I would have to deal with whatever fallout there was. I would worry about that later. First, I needed to write down the dream, and then find Edward.
I opened my eyes, blinking them. Muted light filtered in from crack between the curtains, where they didn't quite meet. I was strangely at peace after breaking down last night. The one time I woke, I think on the drive back, Edward was sweet, holding a water bottle to my lips. The black void of sleep had claimed me after I had quenched my thirst, but Edward hadn't left. He was in my dreams, and I chose him. I sighed, not ready to get out of bed yet. Lying there, I stared at the curtains. When a few minutes passed, I decided I couldn't put off writing down the dream or finding Edward. I needed, no wanted, to talk to him about what happened.
I tried to roll over and couldn't. Squashing down my rising panic, I looked over my shoulder. Edward gazed back at me with his eyebrows furrowed.
Was he worried?
Mentally, I slapped my head, remembering I asked him to hold me in my dream. My cheeks heated as I wondered if I had voiced it aloud.
"Um, Edward, can I get up, please?" I asked.
"Not until Carlisle checks you out. He should be here shortly," he replied.
I noticed his eyes were darker than normal, almost black, but refrained from asking him why. Relenting, I stayed in bed with Edward's arm still wrapped around me. Three minutes later, Edward was kicked out of the room and I sat up, stretching.
When I finally looked at Carlisle, I frowned. Carlisle's eyebrows were drawn together and his arms crossed over his chest. I was going to get a lecture from him.
"You put yourself in grave danger, last night, Isabella," he said.
Uh, that's not what I was expecting him to say. Was he in doctor mode?
"Why did you take a decongestant knowing you were allergic?" he asked.
Yep, definitely doctor mode.
"It was an honest to goodness mistake. I was upset, and my head was pounding. I thought I grabbed Tylenol," I answered, looking him square in the eye.
Carlisle nodded, accepting my explanation. "I'd like to listen to your heart and lungs."
With my powers, I knew there would be no damage to my heart and lungs, but Carlisle wasn't aware I was a magical being.
"Okay," I said.
Carlisle gave me a clean bill of health a few minutes later, leaving the room.
Grabbing my toiletry bag and a change of clothes, I entered the bathroom. My head turned toward the mirror. The dark circles, that were evident two days ago, were gone, and my eyes held a healthy gleam again.
After showering and dressing, I sat down with my journal and began writing. I started with the dream, writing it in purple ink. In orange, I penned my feelings: hurt and betrayal from Garret entering my dream; confused by Edward's appearance in it.
My feelings for Edward continue to grow, I wrote. I'm confused by them. All I do know is I have to explore what I feel but with the contract in place between the Gillpatrick's and McCullough's, even with Garret's betrayal known by me,…
It took about three hours to write everything down. I then set about studying the books I had brought with me from the hidden library. From the moment I opened the first book, I was enthralled. It was about my necklace and explained what each color could mean. Some colors, like dark red and dark green, had simple meanings. Dark red meant "no" and dark green meant "yes." But there were some colors that had a multitude of meanings, and some meanings were dependent on color combinations. My head was spinning with all the information. Closing the book, I decided it was time to find Edward.
EDWARD'S POVIf Carlisle didn't need to examine Bella, I would still be holding her. My worry for her hadn't lessened any when she woke. I kept an ear tuned to the conversation she and Carlisle were having before he examined her, not that he needed to.
"There's no visible or audible sign of anything damage," Carlisle thought.
Alice called out with her mind to me.
"Edward, you should go and hunt. It will be hours before Bella will be ready to talk."
With the scare Bella gave me last night, I knew my eyes were black. It was strange; I had hunted three days ago, so I should have been good until the middle of December. Carlisle couldn't even explain why they turned so soon.
"Emmett," I called. "Come hunting with me. I could use a little distraction right now."
"Sure thing, bro."
"We'll not go far," I said glancing at Carlisle as Emmett and I headed out the door.
~~ B3W ~~
Emmett did more than just distracted me. He tackled me any time I brought up how guilty I felt about what happened to Bella. By the time we returned, I was muddy from head to toe. To say I was in dire need of a shower was laughable.
"She'll want to talk soon, Edward. You have time for a shower. The rest of us will be leaving soon," Alice said with her thoughts.
I raced upstairs as Alice called the others into the rumpus room and talked with them. Hopping in the shower, I washed the mud out of my hair and off my face. Alice had left a typical teenage boy's outfit—jeans and a graphic tee—on my futon. When I entered the rumpus room, everyone gone; there was a note on the coffee table for me.
Edward, just listen to her. If you do any else she might lose it. Oh, forget that! Trust your instincts and do what comes natural. One more thing, tell her you will go with her. Quick, hide this message, she's coming down now.
I stuffed the message in my pocket and flipped on the TV. Sitting, I feigned an interest in whatever was on.
"Where is everyone?" Bella asked.
"Out," I responded, changing the station when a commercial came on before looking over my shoulder. "I decided to stay behind with you."
"Oh."
She looked beautiful and a little nervous.
"Can we talk?" she asked.
"Of course," I responded, turning off the TV and patting the cushion next to me. She opted for the chair. Hiding my disappointment, I angled my body so I was facing her.
BELLA'S POVFidgeting with my hands, I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as I tried to decide where to begin. Edward knew some things I had let slip, what I told Charlie and Daniela the night he took me to the base, and I was sure Charlie told him a little more, but I wanted him to know everything.
After a moment or two more, I decided to start with last night. "It wasn't my intention to run from the room. I just couldn't take it anymore. Garret, the young man my clan wants me to marry, was in the audience." I shivered at the memory of Garret being there. "I couldn't stand him watching me, well us, anymore." I looked down at my hands a moment. "When I arrived at the embassy, there was a package waiting for me. It contained some distressing news, and instead of using the out I insisted on, I told myself that the show must go on. I tried in vain not to look out into the audience." A sigh left me. "When I did a hazard a glance, I was met with his stare. Someone must have cued the wrong songs, but I continued on singing as if nothing was wrong. When I looked out into the audience again, I caught my grandfather's shocked and disapproving stare." I paused, taking a breath. Still Edward didn't say anything, and I was grateful for his silence. "I did the only thing I could think of, I ran. I'm so ashamed of what I did. I ruined the show."
Edward leaned toward me, taking my hands in his. "No, you didn't. Alice covered nicely and it made the show even better. Didn't hear what she said?"
I shook my head, not trusting my voice.
"She told the audience that even at Christmastime there are people who are hurting, wishing it was some other time of year. They are the ones who need our love the most." Edward hooked a finger under my chin, making me look at him before going on. "You made our message stronger by showing the audience that even heartache prevails at this time of year and that we cannot forget those who have lost loved ones during the Christmas season."
"Really?" I asked.
Edward nodded in response. "I wouldn't say so, if it wasn't true. There were many who commented on how wonderful the show was, and they loved the fact that you ran from the room. Everyone thought it was part of the show."
"But it wasn't," I said, relieved. "Aren't you curious as to what I received that made me breakdown in the first place?"
He looked nervous as he responded. "I saw the pictures in the library. Your grandfather said they were of Garret and someone else."
"So, can you understand my reaction when I saw him?"
"Absolutely," he answered, giving me a crooked smile. "I don't know if I would've been able to last as long as you did.
I laughed. "Sorry," I said, trying to stop laughing only to laugh harder when I looked back at him. "Really, I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm laughing."
"What happens now?" he asked after I calmed. "The council can't really expect you to marry him if he already cheated on you."
"I plan on going before them when I'm in Scotland celebrating the Christmas holiday. The pictures will be presented, and they'll have no choice but to terminate the arrangement." I heaved a sigh. "I called Charlie earlier to let him know I was okay and reminded him of our upcoming trip. He usually escorts me, but he informed me he wouldn't be able to go with me this year."
"Would you like me to go with you?" he asked. "It would be better than going alone."
I looked at him with my mouth hanging open. He wasn't seriously suggesting what I thought he was. "You would go with me?"
"I would be honored if you would allow me the privilege of being your escort," he said, not taking his eyes off of me.
"I would like that," I responded, removing my hands from his. "There's more you should know about me before you decide to go."
"I'm listening, not that I'm going to withdraw my offer." The left side of his mouth hitched up in an encouraging smile.
Edward and I talked for hours.
"My mother, Renee, used to sing to me for hours on end. I believe that is where I get my love of music and my voice from. My father, Phil, would comfort me when I was scared or sick. When they died, I was sent to Scotland for a few weeks and when I got back, I was shuttled from family member to family member never staying long. Then Danielle and Matthew were asked to be my guardians by Charlie. Charlie would have taken me in, but the starship he was on was no place for a toddler."
Edward asked about Danielle and Matthew.
"I loved both Danielle and Matthew very much. I was lost when they died."
I related what I witnessed, and when I started crying, Edward gathered me up into his arms, holding me on his lap. And that only served in making me cry harder.
"An officer found me three hours later, under my bed. She asked me what I had seen, and I couldn't tell her anything. I remember wishing I could tell her something, anything that would help to capture the intruder, but I couldn't. If only I hadn't gone to the movies with Sammie, maybe Danielle and Matthew would still be alive."
EDWARD'S POVBella's head rested on my shoulder. Rubbing her arm, I said, "You don't know that, Bella. You can't live in a 'what if' world. If you want to remember, maybe I can help you."
Bella pulled away. "They already tried hypnotizing me to no avail. I remember coming home and being found, nothing more. The nightmare I had a few weeks ago was the first concrete thing I remembered."
I made a decision and waited a few moments.
"We don't like it, Edward, but we have seen how you look at Bella." Alice said. "Explain what you want to do. Don't to reveal too much."
"Jasper and I know this memory recall technique, and we've been teaching it to Alice. I think that it could help you remember."
"I don't know, Edward," she said. "It sounds like what Daniela told me when she tried hypnotism."
"This is nothing like hypnotism. We won't make any suggestions or show you pictures while you are in a focused state of mind. The technique we know is more of a complete state of relaxation that allows you to remember naturally a repressed memory. Would you like to try?" I asked, reaching out to wipe a tear from her cheek.
I was rewarded with a blush.
"When can we try?" she asked.
"When Jasper and Alice return," I said. Bending my head down, I leaned in to… kiss her.
Bella tensed.
I froze, gazing into her eyes. They held sadness and longing.
"Everyone should be back soon," I said, settling back against the couch. "Let's relax for a few minutes."
Bella relaxed against me again, and I felt the tension leave her shoulders as a little shiver went through her.
Mentally, I slapped my forehead. How stupid could I be?
"Are you cold?" I asked.
"No." Her whispered response was barely audible, but I still heard her.
"Bella," I whispered. She didn't respond.
Not ready to let go of her, I continued holding her, running my fingers through her hair. When her breathing evened out, I stood and laid her on the couch, covering her with one of throw blankets Esme had recently placed around the rumpus room.
I noticed Bella's necklace was tight against her throat. It was a beautiful mother of pearl stone, and it changed to a soft cherry blossom pink when my fingers brushed it. I would have to ask Bella if it was a mood stone.
With a melody running through my mind, I sat in a chair and watched Bella sleep.