(Warning contains terminal illness references, references to depression, abuse, sickness and graphic scenes)
"Somewhere in her smile she knowsthat I don't need no other lover. Somethin' in her style that shows me. Don't wanna leave her now"
Carol smiled sleepily at the sound of Daryl's voice faintly making its way into her room. The smell of bacon sizzling kissed her nose making it wrinkle with pleasure. Wind from the sea blew in lightly through the window and stroked alongside her cheek softly as her eyes blinked open slowly
to the enthusiastic morning light shining through the windows. All she could do was smile.
For the first time in a long time,
Life was good.
Her hands swayed across the sheets as her head buried itself in Daryl's pillow, his musky scent filled her with joy. It felt good knowing that Daryl had an official side of the bed, he was allowed to be her husband without the fear of someone tearing them apart. Five weeks had passed since their wedding and Carol couldn't lie, within the first week it wasn't preferable at all.
She shut her eyes softly as she remembered the first four weeks. When Axel had put two and two together the first thing he had done was pick up a shard of the coffee cup and threaten Daryl in a way that scared Carol. It wasn't like Axel to act in this way, he was the goofy man who threatened people with a plastic gun. Not the man who screamed,
"If you say anythin' I will put this in your eye!"
Carol sighed, she had spent a good five minutes easing Axel away from the shard and calming him down. She explained what had gone down back home all but Daryl's illness and his past, and he half understood. She had forced him to promise to at least pretend to like him and to not fight and he agreed. Although every now and then she still caught small death glares given to Daryl by Axel, but he kept his promise of keeping his mouth shut. Daryl had immediately agreed to let Axel continue living there even though in his words he saw him as a "Lil' shit". Daryl didn't want to fight anymore but at the same time, couldn't live with himself knowing he sent another man to survive on the streets. He knew what it was like and how terrible it could be and he couldn't let that happen to someone else, after he'd lost so much.
Carol rolled over uncomfortably in her bed again, over the last four weeks they seemed to get along a lot better than before. At least now they could be in the same room together without one of them walking out in anger.
But, there were two things that worried Carol deeply.
One thing Carol had noticed was that Axel hadn't bothered to try to speak to her privately anymore, but she could still tell from the way that he stared and touched her that he had feelings for her but was deeply repressing them. Anytime Daryl would kiss her or hold her, he'd leave the room immediately and wouldn't come back until he was sure they were done. Even when it was a quick peck on the cheek. From the look in his eyes each time he left, she could see that it was killing him inside. She was prepared, any day now he was going to burst and tell her how he felt and she was going to be ready to let him down as gently as she could without him storming out.
The second thing Carol could not stop torturing her mind about was Daryl's health. According to Daryl, Maggie had explained to him that he didn't need to worry about his health as much as he had been. All he needed was stronger medication, and at first Carol was ecstatic but as the weeks passed it seemed less and less real. There were days where Daryl's nose would bleed for almost a full ten minutes until he had to stay in bed and get some rest, or days where Carol would be waiting by the phone in case an ambulance would need to be called. He'd be dizzy and forgetful and it would scare the shit out of Carol. She tried to contact Maggie herself but Daryl always managed to get there in time to stop her.
The worst thing was the fact that they were still lying to Axel about Daryl's illness. Whenever he'd see Daryl at his worst they had to lie about something he ate or that he was prone to nosebleeds. She hated it, when they moved to Savannah she thought the lies would stop. Even though she knew and trusted Axel she understood Daryl's reasons for keeping it from him. As he said, he doesn't want to give him a story in case he ends up "accidentally" dead one day.
Carol threw her blanket off of herself, but despite all of the bad days, she was grateful that the bad days were rare.
Carol sat up from her bed and slid her fingers silkily through her hair before glancing down at her wedding ring shining in the morning light. It had been a full five weeks and she still thought she was going to wake up one day to find it had been a beautiful dream. Carol wiggled her toes as they dangled over the bed, she stretched delicately while touching her stomach softly. She wasn't feeling one hundred percent today.
She guessed it must've been the dinner Axel had attempted to cook the night before. She had eaten it to be polite but she regretted it now. She stood up slowly in her night gown her hands immediately going to her mouth and her stomach as she felt herself retch.
Shit she thought to herself sickly. Carol stumbled across the landing about to take another step downstairs but instead felt herself retch again and raced for the bathroom to throw up. After her stomach had stopped burning, she rolled over on the cold floor while holding her head. I haven't felt sick like that in a long time she thought to herself as she got to her feet. She splashed her face three times and brushed her teeth before staring bleakly at herself in the mirror. She felt about as good as she looked.
Carol wondered out of the bathroom and down the stairs slowly to see Daryl fully dressed and serving Sophia breakfast at the table as he continued to sing softly. Sophia looked up at him as he slipped the fried egg onto her plate and kissed his cheek softly.
"Thank you" she grinned shovelling a fork full of Egg into her mouth.
Daryl nudged her softly, "No problem Lil Darlin'" he grinned. His eyes turned upwards as he caught sight of Carol and he immediately dropped his things, before Carol could react Daryl's hands were already all over her waist and his lips were pressed up against hers softly, "Good mornin'" he smiled against her lips.
Carol smiled back groggily, "Good morning Daryl" she hissed. Daryl let her move herself away delicately, he moved his finger to her face inspecting it.
"You don't look too good, you feelin' okay?" he asked concerned.
"I think it might've been Axel's food" she sighed sickly. "Do you two feel okay after last night?" she asked
Sophia and Daryl both nodded, "I'm feelin' dandy" he grinned.
Carol raised one eyebrow confused, "Oh, I guess it's just me then"
Daryl pressed his lips against hers again and guided her towards the table, he pulled out one chair allowing her to sit.
"Maybe a lil food will help ya" he smiled as he slipped the fried egg and bacon onto her plate. He quickly grabbed a few tiny pieces of bacon for himself and sat across from her. Carol watched him carefully as he chewed on his small slices of bacon. She was glad he was finally eating properly again, he still didn't eat a lot but she was satisfied with him eating three meals. Even if all it was one of everything. She rubbed her foot against his gently as she ate her own food slowly.
"Has Axel been down yet?" she asked
Daryl shook his head, "He aint been down all mornin'" He lit a cigarette "Maybe you should check on him, make sure he aint dead" he said gruffly.
"I'll go up in a minute" Carol took another bite out of her fried egg and watched Daryl's calm expression quickly turn into a slightly worried one. He glanced down at his watch muttering the word "Shit" before rushing into the kitchen one second and returning the next with a small orange see-through cylinder of pills and a glass of water. Her heart always broke when she had to watch him swallow those pills every single day. Daryl's eyes turned to her, noticing her concerned stare so he flashed her a warm smile.
"I'm takin' them. I'm fine"
"You're sure you're feeling okay?" she asked
Daryl shoved the pills into his pocket and wrapped his arms around her from behind, "I'm always feelin' fine"
Carol nodded her hands wrapping around his, "I suppose…" she glanced up at the clock which read 8:10am "Are you gonna give Sophia a ride to school or should I?" she asked.
Daryl shrugged, "Abraham don't need me at the mechanics until noon. I got time"
Carol nodded and held him close, "Just be careful on the road please"
Daryl grinned and kissed her cheek, "I'm always careful" he chuckled "I'm gonna go grab my keys" he said before disappearing into the kitchen. Carol glanced down at Sophia, she didn't seem as happy as she usually did. She half expected it to be due to loneliness, not that Daryl or Carol were neglecting her, it was the fact that they had taken her away from Carl once again. Although Sophia denied it ferociously, she knew there was something going on between the two of them. Carol smiled to herself, if Ed was still around there was no way that relationship would ever be happening.
"Hey" she nudged Sophia softly "Have you talked to Carl lately?"
Sophia nodded moodily, "He misses me a lot and wants us to come back" she said sadly.
"Maybe around his birthday the four of us could go and visit them. It'd be nice" she smiled. Sophia nodded finishing off her plate and stared hesitantly, she still didn't look happy. "What's wrong baby?" she asked.
"You said the four of us…Axel too?" she asked turning her eyes to look down at her plate.
"Don't you want him to come?"
Sophia bit her lip, "It's not that…I just don't want Daryl and Axel to fight" she squeaked.
Carol blinked in surprise, "Fighting? They seem okay at the moment"
Sophia shook her head, "When we got back from the wedding Axel really scared me when he threatened Daryl and wouldn't stop yelling." Her lip trembled "He reminded me of Daddy"
Carol's hand moved to Sophia's hair, her fingers tangling in her blonde locks as she stroked her gently, "But that was weeks ago, they're a little better now aren't they?" Carol asked quietly, she knew damn well that they weren't better.
Sophia shrugged, "Sure they stay in the same room together sometimes. But they never talk and when they do…it's tense…I always feel like someone's gonna get hurt. I don't like this" her voice shook slightly as her eyes turned to look at Daryl again, who was still searching for his keys in corners.
Carol kissed Sophia's forehead, "It'll work out in the end. For all of us. It's only been a few weeks and I suppose we're all adjusting. It'll get better Sophia" she reassured observing Sophia's fake little smile.
"Do you promise?" she asked
Carol sighed holding her shoulder, "Things change all the time sometimes for the best and sometimes for the worst. And all I can hope for is that it will change for the best someday, maybe not today or tomorrow but someday Sophia" Sophia nodded saying nothing but her facial expression told Carol all "Take your plate out before you're late to school sweetheart" she smiled one more time before Sophia silently dragged herself away from the table and into the kitchen. Carol stared down at her breakfast and sighed over it, she wished she could forget what happened when they got back from their wedding. It was a poison seeping in to ruin what was almost a perfect memory.
She needed them to get along, for this all to work. She couldn't stand the fighting anymore, Daryl couldn't and neither could Sophia. Which didn't surprise her, after fighting tooth and nail through the horrors of Ed and Merle.
Daryl slid out of the kitchen again, his plaid shirt flying behind him making him look like the best redneck superhero out there. He flashed her a charming grin and held the keys up in the air like a trophy as Sophia followed behind him and grabbed her bag from the ground, he moved across the floor giving Carol a final peck on the lips happily.
"You remember to call me okay? I wanna make sure you get to work safe" he urged.
Carol beamed, "I will Daryl, don't worry. You remember to stay safe on the road, I know there are a lot of reckless drivers out there"
Daryl threw his arm over Sophia's shoulder, "Ya Lil girl will probably give ya a report on my drivin' when we get back" he chuckled. Sophia raised an eyebrow matched with a small smirk which Daryl responded to with a quick wink of the eye before waving Carol off and leaving out the front door. Carol waited until the sound of the engine died off down the road to relax again, she smiled to herself warmly. She loved that Daryl was driving Sophia to school like she was his own daughter. Ed wouldn't even let Carol drive alone with Sophia, she always had to walk with her even when the weather was at its worst.
Carol moved herself up to the window and stared at the new neighbours leaving for school. There were two very sweet girls, Lizzie and Mika whom she adored speaking to and taking care of every now and then after their mother had passed away and it was just their father. She loved them, but she couldn't help but miss Morgan and Duane living in that house. Not long after Carol and Daryl had ended their relationship Duane was killed in a hit and run accident while he was playing in the street. She could still remember the red and blue lights flashing in her window and Morgan's crying.
After Duane had died, he changed. He became paranoid, didn't trust many people as much and just couldn't handle things on his own anymore. So he eventually moved out to live with a relative and Lizzie and Mika moved in.
Her stomach turned again, she couldn't ever imagine losing Sophia so easily like that.
Carol slowly tore herself away from the window as the sickness returned. She attempted to walk normally up the stairs but the sickness growing inside of her stomach suddenly felt as if it was too strong and she darted to the bathroom immediately. It took her under two seconds to be leaning over the toilet and throwing up again. As she lay on the ground holding her head and her stomach the door hesitantly creaked open, she glanced up to see Axel standing in the doorway with messy hair and dark eyes.
"You aint lookin' too good Carol, you feelin' okay?" he asked
"Must've been something I ate…Second time this morning" she croaked groggily.
"I heard" he sighed as he sat on the edge of the bath. Carol sluggishly got to her feet and washed her mouth out for the second time before sitting on the toilet and looking up at Axel. He stared at her with a hard expression, like he was in pain or even a little bit disappointed.
"How are you doing Axel? You're not looking too great either" she noted.
"I aint feelin' great"
"Daryl mentioned that you hadn't been down to eat"
Axel sighed, his head crooked slightly to face the ground as his fists seemingly clenched tightly.
"Daryl…fuckin' Daryl" he said simply as his head shook.
Carol let out an exhausted breath, "What is it?"
Axel continued to shake his head, "Y'know he's ruined everythin' since he's got here? Everything's changed" he sighed "Some woman called…her name was Maggie or somethin' she said Daryl's on new medication that he's gotta pick up"
Carol's lips shook, "Oh Axel-"
"I asked her why" he continued "And she said to help him cope" he paused looking up at her darkly "What's he gotta cope with Carol?"
Carol shook her head, "It's nothing…at least nothing bad"
"What is it?"
"I can't tell you, I promised him"
Axel hit his hand against the bath in a manner that made Carol jump, "You see? We're keeping stuff from each other now. I thought, we'd always be honest y'know"
Carol folded her arms, "This is bigger than a dumb little secret Axel and It's Daryl's business and my business. I'm sorry" she snapped. Her face suddenly wrinkled up and her legs went weak before she leaned over the toilet and threw up all over again.
"It doesn't even matter now. It's all fucked anyway" he sighed.
"What do you mean?" she groaned.
"What is this? Like the third time you've thrown up in under an hour?" he said sharply, although she could hear him trying to soothe the aggression in his voice.
Carol lifted her head sickly, "So? Like I said it must've been something I ate"
Axel shook his head and sucked in his lips disappointed, "Nah, you found him five weeks ago? You'd be lying to my face if you told me you didn't fuck" he spat. "I'll end up on my way anyway" he muttered.
"Just stop talking" Carol growled as she leaned over the toilet again. Axel removed himself from the edge of the bath and patted her back lightly, she turned away from the toilet gasping and slid down to the cold floor. "If you're implying what I think you're implying you're wrong Axel" she exhaled.
He threw his hands up in defence, "Just get a test on the way to work"
Carol raised an eyebrow, "I know I'm not. I already have one daughter I know morning sickness when I see it"
"Well, obviously you forgot. 15 years is a long time"
Carol held her head and stared at him, "Why do you think you'll be on your way Axel?" she asked softly.
Axel shrugged, "If Daryl's sick and don't lie to me Carol I know. Things will change when he gets worse…and if you're…." he shut his eyes lightly "…if you're pregnant then you're gonna need that extra room right?"
Carol stood up shakily, she grabbed a towel and cleaned herself up speedily before wrapping her arms around Axel sweetly.
"We would never throw you out. You're family too" she reassured groggily. She sighed "Daryl is sick but…he's not dying anytime too soon or getting worse. Whatever happens I still want you here"
Axel nodded pressing his face into her neck, "Okay I'll stay for you" He pulled away from her shaking his head "It's gettin' harder every day not to kick that man in the teeth"
Carol smiled at him, "You're family Axel but if you hurt my husband I won't hesitate to kick you out. Daryl's brother was family too once, remember?" She warned half amused at the fearfulness in Axel's eyes. At least he took her seriously.
Axel nodded understandingly, "Go get dressed. We gotta get to the drug store early" he said tiredly before strolling out of the bathroom. Once his bedroom door shut Carol shakily sat down, her hands gently letting themselves melt all over her stomach. Axel was being ridiculous, she was 41 now having more kids at this point seemed like a joke. She remembered when she had first found out that she was pregnant with Sophia, at first she couldn't stop crying. After all of the shit Ed had pulled, the many times he had hurt her. She did not want to bring her into an awful home like this. She hid it for days until one day Carol messed up by speaking to him in the "incorrect" tone and he was going to "teach her some things" and she blurted it out. After that moment Ed seemed a little bit more excited than her, he still treated her badly but not as badly as before, until he found out Sophia was a girl and he stopped caring altogether. Carol was still afraid, but the second Sophia was born all of that fear disappeared and she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life protecting her.
Carol stared down at her flat stomach, she wouldn't be able to do it again.
Especially with Daryl's illness changing…why did he need more medication? Were they painkillers? Something to help slow something down or prevent it? There was definitely something else that he was not telling her. Maybe she could call Maggie back and ask her herself, she would hopefully tell her.
Carol stood up and stared at her reflection again, she really did look like shit. She splashed her face with cold water and scrubbed her teeth for the third time in less than an hour, hopefully it would be the last time. Once she no longer felt disgusting she ran her fingers through her hair along with a little bit of lip gloss across her lips. Her eyes searched around the room, she needed to find something clean and something she could quickly slip on. Carol lifted open the little basket by the bath and slipped on a vest, a pair of pants and her favourite boots. Now she felt powerful.
By the time she ran down stairs, Axel was already standing there waiting quietly with his back to her and his eyes staring at the newly arrived framed picture of Daryl and Carol at their wedding ceremony and the other smaller ones accompanying them from their trip. She creeped up to him carefully only to see him staring at them with a frown.
"Everything okay?" she asked hesitantly.
"Everything is fucked" he sighed unimpressed.
"You do know you're just speculating. I might not be-"
Axel turned to her, "It aint just that"
Carol's stomach twisted, she knew exactly what could be coming next. But despite this she still stupidly asked, "What is it?"
His hand cupped hers softly, "It should just be me, you and Sophia. I don't like…I don't like Daryl in the picture. Before he came around, it was so much better…a hell of a lot less complicated"
Carol shook her head, "It was always complicated Axel. Don't you remember how depressed I was? The loneliness? I loved how much you were there for me but you can't tell me things were better before compared to now"
"If it wasn't for him you wouldn't be depressed"
"He left me and it hurt but now that he's back I'm so much happier I-" she paused looking at their joined hands "What are you trying to say Axel?" she asked tiredly.
Axel stared at their hands and let go quickly, "It's nothing I just miss the way things used to be"
Carol grinned, "Nothing's changed except for one more member of the family" she reassured warmly.
Axel scoffed, "Or two"
Carol rolled her eyes, "If you care that much we better leave now, okay?"
"Fine" he muttered walking out of the door first. Carol sighed as she locked the door behind her, she wished Axel wouldn't be this way. She just wished everything wasn't so complicated. But the only way it could be less complicated would be if Axel left. She rubbed her eyes tiredly,
It was all too stressful.
…
The car suddenly came to a jolted stop as Carol stared at the sign above the drug store. Despite it being a bright day, all Carol could imagine above the drug store were dark clouds and thunder. Axel tapped her on the shoulder,
"Aint you going in?" he asked
Carol shook her head, "I'm a little nervous"
"You want me to come in with ya?" he asked. Carol nodded although she felt a small sense of guilt. If anyone was going to know about if she was pregnant or not it should've been Daryl.
The first thing which hit Carol was the harsh light of the store which quickly burned her eyes. She frowned unamused, usually light was supposed to guide you not blind you. Her eyes scanned the shelves from vitamins to skin care until she found it. As she stopped in front of the shelf her eyes looked over the different brands, there were so many different types of pregnancy tests it was ridiculous. Her eyes glanced over on the other shelf right next to the pregnancy tests, which were stacked with many different multi-coloured condom boxes. She cringed, were they here to make people curse themselves for forgetting to use them? She knew she cursed herself for forgetting five weeks ago.
Carol quickly snatched up two pregnancy tests and marched straight up to the counter, barely making eye contact with the guy behind the counter. Carol didn't even bother to wait for the change, before he could even give her a receipt she rushed out without looking back once. Axel ran behind her.
"Did you get it then?" he asked
Carol held up the two boxes nodding miserably.
He sighed, "Right…we better get down there then" he said opening the car door "When we get there I guess you could use the bathroom before we open up" Carol nodded entering the car in silence. When the car began to drive down the street, her stomach did flips every time she felt the boxes jump on her lap as if they were reminding her that they were presently her biggest fear. Her eyes turned to stare out of the window, she could see the passing scenery. The jade coloured grass, the bright blue skies and the many different people hazed by her and suddenly she felt as if she had no control. In one moment she could feel life passing by her without her giving any commands. All she wanted was to reach out and grab it to save the people she loved and lost, to save herself. There was a powerful force which prevented her, every time she believed it would get better or she'd be able to control certain things it always broke down.
People died.
People left.
People broke her.
In the 41 years she had been alive, she never once felt like she had any control. Even with Daryl, she couldn't control what happened with Ed and his health and she couldn't control his never ending guilt. She shut her eyes tightly, the tears were beginning to break through, her fear weakening whatever strength she was trying to hold onto. Why did things always have to work out this way? What kind of world would do this to her and the people she loved most? Why wasn't she ever allowed to be safe and happy for more than two seconds, none of it was fair. And she fucking hated it.
Axel removed one hand from the wheel as he touched her arm.
"You okay?" he asked
"I'm fine" she croaked.
"You don't look fine. I could stop-"
"No!" she snapped "No, I can handle it" her voice softened a breath escaping from her lungs "So much has happened…I feel like I'm losing control" she rasped brokenly.
"I'm still here, Sophia's here…" he hesitated slightly "…And um Daryl's still here I guess"
Carol's eyes fluttered shut, "I wish it were simpler. I just want to be married with a husband who I don't have to worry about getting hurt or hurting me. I could live in a house and live with a normal family…" Another tear rolled down her cheek, it was a life she had never known. Even her parents were as messed up as her and Ed.
"You could still get it…" he frowned swallowing "Daryl will probably pull through… you'll have Sophia and a baby or whatever. And I-I won't get in your way."
Carol looked up, "You don't get in the way" she lied.
"You can't say things would be more complicated if I wasn't there" he sighed.
"It's been five weeks…it could get better"
Axel shrugged, "I don't think so. What Daryl did is somethin' I aint ever gonna forgive or forget. He didn't see you the way I saw you" he frowned pulling in front of the book store. As soon as the engines had turned off Carol raced into the store not bothering to stop for Tyreese or Karen when they attempted to greet her. Instead she sprinted into the staff bathroom slamming the door behind her. She immediately grabbed the two sticks from their boxes and pulled her pants down before waiting a few moments on the toilet. Once she had finished Carol left the two sticks on the side and waited with her head in her hands sickly.
In all honesty. If they were a few years younger and Daryl wasn't sick, Carol would've loved and been excited to have a child with Daryl. She could imagine the four of them living normally, taking trips to the beach and having new moments together and being happy for once. But this wasn't the dream world Carol often fantasised about. To her, this was the end of the world…the end of their happiness. She loved Daryl but every day just made her feel like they were surviving and not living. They were surviving another day where Daryl hadn't been sick or it hadn't been as bad, they were surviving Axel's hostility towards Daryl and Carol was surviving her own emotions. She wanted to scream, cry and smash a million glasses to pieces but she couldn't. She had to repress it if she wanted to stay strong for Daryl's sake and for Sophia's sake. She couldn't break now.
Everything had to be okay.
Carol held her chest and sank down to the ground. Behind all of the smoke and mirrors she felt as if she was silently screaming for help.
She stood up and splashed her face with cold water. Her eyes gazed down on the edge of the sink to the stare at the two tests to see that they were done. There was a loud ringing coming from outside of the doors, but she suddenly felt deaf as the world around her became a blur at the sight of two pink lines going across the little circle on each of the sticks. Her legs shook as she lost balance. There were fast footsteps and banging at the door which didn't faze Carol at all. She really needed to sit down.
It was positive.
She could hear Axel yelling something but all his words did were pass by her.
This couldn't have been happening, not now.
The door suddenly began banging until Axel burst through red faced and out of breath.
"What are you doin'?" he asked breathily.
Carol looked up at him gently and all she could say was,
"I'm pregnant"
Axel nodded seemingly brushing it off quickly.
"What's going on?" she asked softly.
Axel stuck a hand out and yanked her upward, "We gotta go to the hospital, It's Sophia and Daryl. They crashed this morning!"
She covered her mouth, "What happened?"
"Shit I don't know but we gotta move right now!"
Carol raced out of the doors with him scrambling to get into the car, "Which hospital are they at?" she asked urgently.
Axel started up the engines, "Uh one two blocks from here" he stared at her as she held her stomach in fear "It's gonna be alright-"
Carol threw him a sharp look, "Just drive"
…
Carol and Axel sprinted into the hospital only to be immediately greeted by Sophia, who without warning launched herself into Carol's arms letting her head sink into her body. She stroked her hair back noticing a small plaster on her forehead and a bandage wrapping around her left arm.
"What happened baby?" she asked silkily.
Sophia pulled away, "We were driving and Daryl started feeling a little sick. He started throwing up…there was so much blood" she cried shakily. "He lost control and he crashed into the side of a building"
"Are you okay?" she asked holding her face and hugging her close.
Sophia nodded, "I just cut my head and my arm on the glass"
"What about Daryl?" she asked desperately. "How is he doing?"
Sophia started to cry again, "I don't know they haven't let me see him yet. It's been almost an hour!" Carol's stomach twisted into a tight knot, that was never a good sign. After Ed had nearly killed her, it took a while until Daryl was allowed to see her. Hopefully, he wouldn't be in the same condition as her.
"I need to know…did the crash knock him out or did he pass out before the crash?"
Sophia sniffed, her lips trembling uncontrollably. "I don't know…there was so much blood and I just screamed" she croaked before sobbing into Carol's body again. She exchanged horrible knowing looks with Axel and held her close while her hand stroked along her silky blonde hair.
"It's okay, don't think about it baby. Come on, we'll go find him" she reassured taking Sophia's hand, unsurprised when didn't shake her off immediately. Sophia led the three of them to the third floor, none of them saying a word. Carol couldn't tell if they simply didn't know what to say or if they couldn't say anything. The corridor felt as if it got longer and longer the more she walked down it and she felt as if she could break down at any moment. What if this was it? What if she just lost Daryl all over again and she'd be alone…
Carol held her stomach tightly.
She couldn't think like that. He had to pull through, like he always did.
A blonde nurse suddenly approached them and Carol's heart stopped abruptly. Axel's hand quickly grabbed hers as her legs shook, causing her to almost fall against the wall.
"Are you okay?" he asked concerned.
"I-It's just too much I can't" she breathed
"If you wanna stay out here for a bit or go back-" he suggested but Carol let go of his hand slowly as she shook her head.
"No, he's my husband. I'm not going anywhere"
Axel looked hurt, "Okay. Fine" The blonde nurse gave Carol a look of worry before taking Carol's hand in her own. Her hands were gentle, as if she was holding something as delicate as a vase and was trying her hardest not to fuck up and break it. Her hazel eyes softened when they met Carol's shaking sapphire eyes and she forced a reassuring smile.
"Would you like something to drink?" she asked calmly.
Carol shook her head, "How is Daryl?" she asked trying to keep the franticness out of her voice.
"You are Mrs Dixon aren't you?"
Carol nodded weakly, "Please how is he?"
"He's asleep right now but his injuries aren't too bad. He's got a sprain and a few stitches but it's nothing we can't deal with" she smiled, but her smile quickly faded as she took a second look at her chart. "However, we are concerned over what caused the crash" she turned her eyes to look at Sophia who was timidly standing behind Carol, something she hadn't done for years. The nurse kneeled to look at Sophia "You said that he'd thrown up blood and had passed out?"
Sophia sniffed with coy, "Yes"
The nurse stood back up and looked at her chart again, "I feel like we should monitor him for a few days to make sure he doesn't get any worse. We contacted his previous doctor to get information and just to make sure this is correct…he's been suffering from liver failure for about three years…"
Carol nodded but Jessie continued. "…but it's recently been diagnosed that he's developed liver cancer…" she read nonchalantly.
Carol's lips suddenly went dry, her whole body trembling. "E-excuse me? That's not-" her chest tightened as she felt as if she could no longer breathe "That-That's not right he doesn't have cancer- he-he didn't- he told me it wasn't serious" Carol grabbed the chair behind her, her legs turning into jelly "I can't breathe" she wept. Axel, with few hesitation raced over to her side and grabbed her hand shushing her. Carol glanced over at Sophia, she was sitting in the waiting room chair with her head buried into her knees muttering the word,
"Not again" quietly
The nurse stepped forward attempting to calm Carol, "I'm sorry I thought you knew about this, he was diagnosed just over a month ago"
Carol blinked, "Over a month?"
She remembered after things had calmed down slightly with Axel, she had made Daryl promise to call Maggie and get the information about his health. The next morning around 6am Carol found herself alone in her bed, she had crept down the stairs to see Daryl leaned over a table, when she had approached him he had a big smile on his face and without any hesitation swung her around and danced around the kitchen much to Axel's disgust. He had told her that Maggie wasn't worried and that he would only need stronger meds. Thinking back now, she felt foolish for not realising sooner that something was deeply wrong.
"I'll go and get you some water Mrs Dixon and then we can go check on him" she smiled although Carol could tell the young nurse was extremely nervous.
As soon as she left Carol immediately jumped in front of Sophia, "Sophia, I'm sorry sweetheart but do you remember which room Daryl was put in?" she asked gently and shakily. Sophia lifted up her head gradually, the tear streaks exposing themselves in the bright light.
"Room 211" she hissed
Carol softly but quickly pressed her lips against Sophia's forehead, "You're my angel Sophia" she smiled. Her eyes moved to look up at Axel leaning against the wall "Could you stay with her please? I need to find him" she pleaded. Axel nodded silently and watched as Carol hurried down the long corridor in search of his room. Once she found room 211 she almost slipped she had been running so long, as she pushed the door open she glanced left and right before slipping in. When she walked in her heart immediately dropped to see him looking so vulnerable and so pale. An IV ran up his arm and tubes ran through his nose, while a cast and three stitches occupied his other arm along with a threatening black eye.
From the corner of her eye she could see the many drugs lined up at the back of the room and she sighed. Carol turned to sit next to his bed and snuck her warm hand into his much colder one, she rubbed over his fingers with her thumb staring bleakly at the wedding ring on his hand.
"You idiot" she whispered breathily "You should have told me! You should have-"
Daryl's fingers stroked her back and she looked up, his eyes sleepily opened as he smiled a faint smile.
"Carol…" he croaked "I'm glad you're here I was fuckin' afraid" Carol's eyes began to water as she stared at him and he delicately wiped them away slowly with his thumb, "Nah don't do that I'm still here"
Carol squeezed his hand in anger, "You should have told me! Why didn't you tell me Daryl?" she asked weakly.
"I didn't wanna ruin everythin'" he said gruffly.
"You promised me that if something was wrong, we'd move back so you could be closer to Maggie and Hershel" she sighed bowing her head "You could've been killed…so could've Sophia"
"She okay?"
"She's got some stitches but she'll live" Carol said staring down at Daryl's stitches, he glanced down at his arm, his eyes widened.
"Shit" he half laughed. Carol breathed deeply and leaned over the bed and embraced him.
"I'm relieved that you're okay. I really am"
"Me too" he chuckled.
Carol stared up at him as she hugged him, "What happened back there?"
Daryl scoffed trying to remember, "Out of nowhere I felt like shit, my body was killing me and then I threw up. Next thing I knew I was crashing into the side of a building and blacking out"
"Fuck" she hissed. Carol turned her eyes to look at all of the medication, "What are we gonna do now Daryl?"
"We move on"
"What about Maggie and Hershel?"
Daryl paused thinking for a moment until he finally breathed out. "Fuck -If-If I have another close call I'll leave and get a place up there with you" he said nervously. Carol could tell he didn't have a clear plan in his head. She clutched his hand, more tears streaming down her face and she shook her head.
"No we can't have another close call. You could end up dead and I can't lose you! Not after getting you back so soon" her heart raced. Daryl carefully took her hand and kissed it softly, he stared at their two rings and closed his hand over hers.
"I aint goin' nowhere" he promised.
"You can't promise me that Daryl! Look where we are" she wept.
He gave her a hard stare, "I'm gonna fuckin' try. I'll slow down for ya" he declared shakily, his eyes leaked with tears.
"Daryl?"
Daryl pulled Carol onto the hospital bed with him and buried his face in her while holding her tightly against him. "When I lost control of the wheel I thought it was over…I thought I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to ya…hear ya voice…touch ya" his chest moved up and down quickly. She held him stroking his hair back and kissing his head,
"It's okay. It's over now. Like you said, you're not gonna leave without saying goodbye and neither am I" she reassured before sliding down the bed and putting her head onto his chest. Daryl's fingers played with the shorts of her hair mindlessly for a moment, she didn't mind so much she could tell that it was calming him down considering his chest had stopped moving like a speeding train about to crash. She shifted slightly and to her surprise Daryl immediately moved his hand to stop her, she looked up at him, his eyes looked childlike.
"Could ya stay with me? Hospitals scare the shit out of me" he said still holding onto her.
Carol beamed at him, "I'd never leave you Daryl. You know, Sophia's outside with Axel I could bring her in if you'd like"
Daryl grinned brightly as he shifted to sit up in the bed. "It'll be good to see her alive" he said cheerfully. Carol grinned as she got off the bed, sometimes she found it so cute and so amazing how much he cared for Sophia. It really was a giant step up from Ed. Daryl paused for a moment as he watched her get up "Axel's here?"
Carol nodded, "He was with me at work and he drove me here"
Daryl chuckled, "I would have expected him to just go"
"He cares" she lied.
Daryl scoffed loudly, "About you. He can't stand my ass"
"Behave" she smiled before opening the door. The blonde nurse stood on the other side of the door unimpressed with a cup of water in her hand. Alongside her Carol could see Axel and Sophia standing there.
"Well at least he's awake" she sighed thrusting the water into Carol's hand and walking away.
She was definitely not as nice as Maggie.
Sophia locked eyes with Daryl and immediately ran to him, her arms spread out like an eagle. He grabbed her into a strong hug and kissed the top of her head.
"I'm glad you're okay" he breathed into her.
Sophia smiled tearfully up at him, "I'm glad you're not dead. You really scared me"
Daryl's eyes softened, "I'm sorry I scared ya like that and stoppin' ya from going to class"
Sophia shrugged, "I missed gym class I hate it anyway"
Daryl laughed, "I used to skip it for cigarettes"
Carol smirked, "Your raspy voice is evidence enough" Daryl grinned, his eyes turned to look behind Carol to see Axel lurking silently in the doorway.
"You alright there Axel?" he called
Axel threw Daryl a dirty look before stalking away in silence. Carol sighed, couldn't this bullshit just get left at home for five minutes? Carol leaned over and kissed Daryl's cheek softly,
"I'll be back in a few minutes don't worry. I'll give you two a little time to catch up" she smiled. As Carol shut the door her heart thudded against her chest as she watched Daryl and Sophia. She could see him lifting his hair up slightly to show an old scar around his temple
"Don't worry these aint my first stitches" he assured. Carol remembered Daryl had told her he'd been hunting one day with Merle when some guy accidentally shot him and the bullet had scraped him. He said he'd never seen Merle so scared, he thought he was gonna die. Merle almost murdered the guy who had shot Daryl until Daryl gained consciousness, after that he had dragged him back to the house and had stitched him up using alcohol, a sewing needle and a little bit of thread since in Daryl's words he "Didn't trust those damn doctors" He always said he was lucky Merle hadn't killed him doing that.
Carol walked down the corridor slowly and breathed in. She couldn't imagine having to call Merle if the accident had been any more serious. Carol stopped in her tracks, Axel was sitting in one of the waiting room chairs hunched over and playing with a pack of cigarettes, which the passing nurses didn't seem to be impressed about. She sat down next to him and he shut his eyes.
"He okay then?" he asked moodily.
Carol raised an eyebrow and folded her arms, "He's recovering. You sound almost disappointed"
He shrugged, "So pregnant, huh?" he stated changing the subject.
Carol bowed her head to stare at her stomach, "Yes. Pregnant"
"How'd he take it?"
"I haven't told him yet. And I'm not sure if I will anytime soon" Axel scoffed and she snapped up to look at him. "What?"
Axel hit his fist against the chairs, "There are too many damn secrets! You're pregnant, he's dying and I- fuck!" he snapped.
"We don't know that's he's dying. I know it's gotten worse but-"
Axel grabbed Carol's wrist sharply, she winced at the pain. "He's been keepin' so much from ya I wouldn't be fuckin surprised. Both of you have!" He let out a frustrated groan and let go of Carol's now red wrist. She stared down at the scarlet line and her body trembled at the recognised pain. He began marching down the hallway cigarette now in mouth,
"Where are you going?" she asked quieter than she had anticipated.
"I'm gonna go think!" he yelled and slammed the door behind him, leaving Carol in the now eerily quiet corridor. She nodded to herself despite there being nobody there and her eyes stared down at the scarlet ring going around her wrist. It was happening all over again. She turned to look at the bathroom, forcing her way through the doors, her eyes squinting when the bright hospital light hit her eyes. Her legs stumbled sending her over to the sink where she splashed her face multiple times. She stared at her reflection, her heart began to get heavier and heavier in her chest until her legs could no longer carry the weight. Carol burst through one of the stalls and wilted. She screamed to herself but all that could come out was a hiss. Her hands scrambled to grip her hair as if she were trying to grip onto reality as her face buried itself into her knees. The walls of the world felt as if they were closing in on Carol and taking away her air slowly.
She hugged herself gripping tightly and felt the insanity take her over. It was getting bad again. There were so many lies, there was so much complication and the people she thought she could trust were beginning to hurt her and take her back to darker days. There was instability in her mind. She wondered if this was always going to be her destiny or her punishment for the nights she wished Ed dead. Carol took a stuttered deep breath. She wished with every pulse in her body that she could stop having so much hatred and anger inside of her and have peace for once in her life.
No complications
No more sadness and loneliness, just happiness.
Carol wiped her eyes, maybe she didn't deserve it.
Carol stepped out of the stall to splash her face one last time to hide the tears and puffiness. She stared at her reflection and practiced smiles in the mirror before exiting out of the bathroom and walking down to Daryl's room. She creaked the door open to see Sophia sitting on the end of Daryl's bed and reading the book she was studying in class to him. As he lay there with a smile on his face.
They looked so happy and at peace.
It broke her heart.
He looked up at her tiredly, "C'mon, Sophia's helpin' me mellow more than these meds" he looked at the book admiringly "The Great Gatsby" he grinned.
Carol pulled her jacket sleeve down to hide the scarlet ring around her wrist and steadily slid herself onto Daryl's bed. He quickly pulled Carol beneath his arm and pulled Sophia up next to him cuddling the two of them into him as Sophia read. He sighed peacefully and kissed Carol's head,
"My girls" he muttered as a tear managed to escape from Carol's eye.
…
It took five days for Daryl to be monitored until the hospital felt confident enough to let him leave. Daryl should've been monitored for a longer length of time but instead Daryl insisted that he felt a lot better and hadn't felt bad in days.
More lies.
Carol had spent the last few days wiping his nose for him when it bled, comforting him when he was in pain while waiting for another dose and wiping his forehead when his temperature went through the roof. She was furious that Daryl had thought it was a good idea to leave but she was even more furious at the fact that the hospital let him walk so freely. She could only guess he didn't want the hospital bill to be too high or maybe he just wanted to see Sophia again. She hadn't seen him since she was allowed to go home with Axel, who wouldn't even look at Carol when he arrived. The only information she had on him was Sophia's and apparently she was losing weight quickly due to Axel's awful cooking. She worried for Sophia, not just because she hadn't seen her mother or step-father for five days but because she wouldn't even speak about what she heard about Daryl. It was like she was pretending it never happened.
Another thing Carol had struggled with while at the hospital was her hiding her pregnancy. She knew if Daryl saw her throwing up every day he'd catch on quickly and it would make things worse. She needed to tell him but it wasn't the right time yet. He couldn't be stressed just yet, what they all needed was a calm few days at home.
Daryl held onto Carol's hand gently as they walked towards the taxi. He leaned on her stumbling slightly as she held him up as best she could. As soon as she opened the door for him to crawl inside he grinned and kissed her softly before she moved to meet him on the other side.
"I still think you're making a mistake leaving the hospital so early" she warned as the taxi had begun moving.
Daryl shrugged, "I was sick of that hospital an' I missed spendin' time with my girls" he grinned.
Carol smiled feebly, "But you still seem weak Daryl. You couldn't walk straight"
Daryl waved her off, "Nah I'm jus' tired as fuck. I barely slept last night"
"I'm sorry I fell asleep so fast last night" she apologised her fingers circling around his chest.
"Don't apologise you've been bustin' ya ass so much for me this week you deserve the rest" He hugged her close "I'm grateful for ya"
Carol smiled leaning into him, "I worry about you a lot you know"
Daryl smirked proudly, "Course you do, you love me"
Carol looked up at him, the corners of her mouth curving. "Smug" she cuddled into him "You love me too" she muttered as he kissed her forehead. Her hands moved to play with his long dark hair, her fingers twisting around small sections of hair.
"I'm gonna give you a haircut when we get back. It's getting a little shaggy" she teased.
Daryl scoffed and Carol pouted
"I'll fight you mister, you know I will"
"Yes ma'am I know" he chuckled staring at her. He laughed to himself again catching Carol's attention.
"What's so funny?" she asked
"I jus' haven't seen ya happy for a while, it's good to see ya smile"
"It feels good" she grinned "And it's good to see you not bleeding for once" she added on. They suddenly came to a stop, Carol sat up slowly to see they were on the road not too far from their home leading to the beach. The sun was slowly setting as the powdery sand sat peacefully in front of the glistening sea. It was peaceful.
"What are we doing here?" she asked
"Thanks" Daryl muttered to the driver as he slipped him the money and got out of the taxi. Carol jumped out of the car confused and followed Daryl, "Before you got in I slipped him a note askin' him to come here"
She folded her arms, "Sneaky"
"Always"
Carol held his arm softly, "Daryl you should just go back to bed we shouldn't be here" Daryl just simply shook his head and picked up Carol, carrying her slowly and steadily down to the beach. His legs shook and his facial expression made it clear that he was tired but he refused to put her down, even after Carol pleaded with him to just let her take him home and take care of him. Once his feet touched the soft sand he let himself collapse to the ground with Carol still in his arms. He lay down in the sand smiling peacefully as he stared at the sea.
Carol immediately jumped next to him with her hands on each side of his face,
"Are you okay?"
"Better than okay" he said gruffly.
"Daryl-" she breathed.
"Lie with me"
"Daryl you need to-"
"Please" he hissed and Carol complied. She lay in the sand with Daryl's arms wrapped around her as they watched the sun going down. He took a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, letting it dangle from the corner of his mouth. "You know I love ya more than anythin' right?"
"Of course"
He stared at the scenery, "Can you do somethin' for me?"
"What is it?"
He exhaled smoke from his lips, "If I'm about to kick the bucket like days from it or gettin' worse-"he paused breathing out deeply "I want ya to bring me here. I don't care if I gotta be wheeled out or if they try to stop ya…I wanna come here one last time with you holdin' my hand"
Carol's lips trembled, "Why do you want that?"
He held her hand, "It's so fuckin' beautiful here…peaceful" he sat up staring into her eyes "I want it to just be us. I wanna die peacefully with you as my last memory"
"W-why are you saying this now?"
He sighed stroking her fingers mindlessly, "In the last five weeks I've had what? 8 close calls?" he sighed "When I talked to Maggie to get some more meds I asked her about what could happen as it gets worse…" he paused looking down at the ground "She told me I might change or I could start forgettin' things…And I don't wanna forget ya Carol I fuckin' don't. But if I'm gonna have a last memory with you or at least a last good memory I want it to be like this. I'm sorry" he was shaking now, she could see tears falling from his eyes despite him trying to hide them with hard blinks.
Carol held him close, she was crying too. "Daryl…"
"I need you to swear to me you'll do this. Please" he pleaded
Carol clasped his hand, "I promise I'll bring you here for as long as you like…and then we'll go back wait it out" she said through her tears.
Daryl smiled, tears still rolling. "Exactly" he sighed staring back at the sea "I could stay here forever"
"Me too" she cried. Daryl slipped his hands on each side of her face and kissed her softly, his thumbs wiped away her tears.
"Don't cry Carol. I'm still here, I'm still fightin'"
"For how long though?"
Daryl shushed her quietly and shook his head, "Nah, Nah don't think about that" He got to his feet slowly, "The water aint lookin' too bad"
Carol looked up, "Don't please…I like lying here with you it's nice" Daryl nodded silently and pulled her close as he rested his body on the cooling sand. As the two of them lay there Carol subtly moved Daryl's hand over her stomach gently, she needed to tell him now. At any moment Daryl could suddenly lose consciousness or start bleeding all over again or even worse, one they could wake up and he wouldn't be able to recognize her. The thought of that even happening pained her greatly.
She stared up, "Daryl I need to tell you something. I don't want something to happen to you without you knowing" she said meekly.
Daryl sat up with a concerned look on his face, "What's wrong Carol?"
Carol took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant" she said in a tearful whisper.
Daryl stared at the ground for a moment and put out his cigarette. His chest heaved and all he could manage to spit out was,
"Oh…right" in a breathy voice. His hand moved away from her stomach to play with his own fingers "H-How far along?"
"A few weeks I think…I've only known for about a week" she stared at Daryl, he wasn't taking this well. "Are you alright?"
Daryl pinched his lips, "Jus' surprised…didn't we use?-"
Carol shook her head, "We were kind of caught up in 'getting to know each other' again"
Daryl nodded his eyes now focused on her flat stomach for a few moments before he shook his head and bit his lip. He reached into his pocket and quickly lit another cigarette,
"I need a little time to adjust…to think"
"I understand" Daryl quickly got to his feet, "Where are you going?" she asked worriedly.
Daryl stumbled slightly, "I gotta be alone…to think…" he said shakily.
Carol's heart raced, "It isn't safe for you to be out on your own, especially after your recent episodes" Daryl kneeled down and kissed her lips softly, he lifted his arm exposing his hospital bracelet and Carol sighed. "Fine just be back before it's late"
Daryl nodded silently and turned away. She watched him stroll up the beach until he disappeared and turned to stare back at the sea, her chin resting on her knees. She held her stomach and shut her eyes letting a few more tears escape. It felt like a horrible mistake telling him now. She needed to tell him but maybe she should have waited for things to have calmed down, for them both to be in a clearer state of mind and for Daryl to be more recovered than he already was. It was all so screwed up, she didn't know how this could possibly work.
Carol lifted her eyes slowly to look at the glistening sea, her heart was racing but her body was already flopping onto the sand like a rag doll. She stared silently, Daryl was right it was peaceful. Carol lay there still for a moment until she felt more tears beginning to fall. She had accepted Daryl's request but she didn't want that day to ever come, to have to see Daryl weak and dying and forgetting about how far he'd come from his past and how far they'd come. To forget every promise, every kiss and everything he'd ever fought for in his life or the people he saved.
To forget himself
Carol gasps from her tears, but in the end she had to stay strong for him no matter how hard and how painful it got. So at least when he died, he wouldn't die afraid.
There was suddenly movement in the sand and Carol looked up hopefully thinking Daryl had returned but instead Axel stood over her. She sat up slowly wiping away her tears as Axel sat down next to her.
"I saw ya from the house. I'm guessin' you told him?" he asked staring out at the sea.
"Yeah. I told him"
"How'd he take it?" he asked.
She sighed, "Exactly as I expected him to. He was shocked and then he left. He said he needed time alone to think" she said exhausted. She stared down at the water seeping through her toes "Do you think he'll come back?"
Axel shrugged, "If he aint I'm still here Carol. You can rely on me more than that fucker" he said simply.
Carol shut her eyes. She knew she could trust Daryl to return in a few hours, he was someone who she understood and she understood that he needed his space for a while with all of the insanity that was happening around them. Her heart burned in her chest when she felt Axel's gentle touch. , instead of the comfort Carol wanted from him all she got was him still trying to push Daryl out of the picture. He wasn't someone she could trust anymore especially after his fit of rage in the hospital. Being with him only brought back memories of darker days.
This wasn't going to work anymore.
It was all too fucked up and too complicated for her to even try to get it to work. She needed to face her fears.
Carol opened her eyes to look up at Axel, "This can't work anymore"
He blinked confused, "What can't work anymore?"
"This situation with the four of us" she sighed nervously "I see the way you look at me…I know you liked me before but after Daryl was out of the picture and you were helping me recover the looks started changing and so did you" she swallowed dryly "Just say it"
Axel held her hand as he gazed into her eyes, "I love you" he murmured breathily.
Carol nodded, "I know…and I love you too but not in the same way. You took care of me when I needed someone and I'm grateful" she said although she was still hesitant.
Axel frowned, "But you aint ever gonna leave him are you?"
"I love him too much to do that" She sighed "I don't know what's gonna happen now"
Axel squeezed her hand slightly, "I know." He began "I'm gonna go. With that baby and Daryl's health going off the rails you want me gone"
"I'm sorry"
"Y'know if I got a second chance I'd do it all again" he said tickling the palm of her hand softly, "If I'd met ya before you'd met Daryl I'd do it all right. Make sure you were safe and happy and you wouldn't have shitty exes and maybe it could've worked"
Carol pulled her hand away, "But it didn't Axel"
Axel didn't respond. Instead he slowly got to his feet and offered Carol his hand and helped her up from the now soggy sand.
"I'll start packin' my shit but I'll wait until Daryl gets back…if he gets back"
Carol gave him a hardened look, "I know he'll be back. I trust him"
Axel sighed, "C'mon then" he muttered and the two of them ambled up the beach.
Carol stared back at the sea, she prayed that she was right.
…
It was 10pm now and darkness had blanketed over Savannah. Carol could hear Sophia's music blasting upstairs as she sat in the dimly lit room in silence. She could feel Axel's hard eyes watching her but she was too anxious to care. It had been hours since Daryl had left her down at the beach and her stomach was beginning to twist in fear of his whereabouts. She didn't want Axel to be right, she knew Daryl and he wasn't like this. All he needed was his space, but his space worried her. All Carol could imagine was Daryl lying somewhere alone and in pain, maybe this time somebody wouldn't get to him in time…
Carol hoisted herself up and paced around the living room tensely. All she wanted to do was lie down and scream and cry but she just couldn't. It felt as if there was a force trapping her and preventing her from doing so. She felt Axel's arms attempt to wrap around her from behind but she immediately shook him off and sat down by the window. He followed her slowly and Carol quickly threw him a sharp look sending him back into the kitchen. She didn't have time for his shit right now.
She eyed his stuff sitting by the wall and a mixture of anger and guilt bubbled inside of her. She felt bad for making him leave but at the same time felt relieved that she didn't have to be nervous of his obsession or any of his outbursts. She'd be freed from a burden and things may be able to function better.
Carol glanced back at him in the kitchen, his eyes were gazing down at the ground sadly as he leaned against the counter. She sighed and moved towards the kitchen with her arms crossed over her chest, "Where are you gonna go?"
Axel shrugged, "I got enough for a motel tonight and I guess I'll figure the rest out later"
Carol blinked softly, "I'm sorry it had to be this way"
"I'm sorry too. Things were a lot less fucked up before he showed up" he exhaled bitterly.
Carol raised her eyebrows, "They were always fucked up Axel. Daryl did not make that much of a difference"
Axel folded his arms, "Does he know how to deal with you if things get bad again?" he asked.
"We'll find a way to work through it if it does. But I'm fine now…no more breakdowns" she said through a lying grin.
Axel nodded nudging her, "You were always a tough one"
"I know I am" She smiled. Their conversation was suddenly cut short by the sound of keys jingling in the door and it opening slowly. Carol turned around to see Daryl standing in the doorway with a bag on his back. His eyes were puffy and scarlet while his body stank of cigarettes, which Carol could only guess meant that he had finished the whole pack. There was dried blood around his nose and she could see he was still sniffing. He turned his eyes to Carol to give her a small nod. Carol glanced up to look at Axel, who was already giving Daryl a death stare. She moved her hand to his chest to hold him back and slowly walked towards Daryl.
He stared at her nervously, "I'm uh I'm sorry I couldn't get somethin' better" He kneeled down letting his bag fall from his shoulders and unzipped it carefully. His hand reached in and delicately pulled out a small brown deer soft toy, a tiny sleeping suit and an old peter pan book and handed them to Carol. "Thought these could be a starter pack or somethin'"
Carol hugged the items to her closely and moved nearer to Daryl, she shifted one hand to Daryl's nose where he had been bleeding and he took her hands in his.
"Don't focus on that, I aint bleedin' anymore I'm okay" he assured
Carol nodded and pressed her lips against his softly, tears streaming down her face. "Thank you" she breathed "I wasn't sure you were coming back"
Daryl held her, his fingers brushing across the shorts of her hair. "I thought long and hard about this and my father and I know I aint gonna be a Dixon. I wanna do this right"
"I know you do" she muttered. She smoothened her hand over his sliding it slowly down her body and across her stomach delicately, letting him keep them there. They stared at each other grinning as Daryl gave her another nod.
Suddenly their moment was interrupted by the sound of Axel scoffing loud enough to capture their attention.
Daryl removed his hands from Carol's stomach, "What the fuck is your problem huh?" he snapped.
Axel took a step forward, "You're my fuckin' problem! You have been from the moment you abandoned her, you know from seein' all of this it's pretty clear how much she loves you, even after all the shit you put her through. You just disappearin' like that is somethin' you can't fuckin' do" he sighed "Seein' you two together makes me fuckin' sick"
The music from Sophia's room got gradually louder.
"Then don't fuckin' look sunshine" Daryl growled through gritted teeth.
Axel marched towards Daryl quickly, shoving Carol out of the way and sending sideways. He leaned up to Daryl aggressively,
"She deserves a hell of a lot better than you, I wouldn't fuckin' abandon her or fuck with her emotions or get her knocked up after not seeing her for three fucking years!" he yelled
Daryl immediately pushed Axel out of the way and moved to help Carol up from the ground. He held her close, protecting her beneath his strong arm. Carol closed her eyes feeling stressed, it was beginning to feel like 3 years ago all over again.
"You know the last two people who put their hands on her really regret fuckin' with me and fuckin' with her. Don't lay your damn hands on her like that again!" he warned
Axel leaned even closer to Daryl, his fist raised and his chest moving quickly with each breath. Daryl looked down at Carol and stepped away from her with his arms out stretched by his sides.
He stared calmly, "If you wanna hit me go ahead" he moved closer slowly "I've been watchin' ya the last five weeks an' I know you wanna do it"
Axel breathed heavily, "I wanna do a hell of a lot more than that" he snarled.
Carol quickly got between them and pushed Axel backwards sharply, she leaned up to him forcing him to back off.
"Get out" Axel's eyes immediately softened he opened his mouth to speak but she quickly shushed him "You don't threaten my husband and tell me who or what is best for me you understand? I had my voice taken away for years by Ed and I am not having it happen again."
"Carol-"
Carol shook her head, "You're not the same nice man I became friends with three years ago. Axel, you scare me and you scare my daughter and I can't have you around us anymore."
Axel scoffed, "Fine I get it" he gazed at her for a few seconds before strolling towards his bags of stuff. He inched closely towards Daryl as he carried them. "You better take care of that woman, that baby and that little girl you hear me? Or I will not hesitate to beat your ass" he told him aggressively.
Carol moved towards him, "Just go Axel and if I see you near my family again I won't hesitate"
Axel looked at her hurt before leaving and slamming the door behind him. Leaving the whole house in silence, even Sophia's music had stopped playing. Daryl walked over to Carol slowly and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Carol you didn't have to-"
She turned to him, "But I did. He didn't love me, he was becoming obsessed with me or the idea of me…and I can't let things get any more complicated…I can't Daryl" she rested her head in his chest "And I wasn't lying when I said he scared me, he reminded me of Ed when we were first married. He changed the same way Ed did and he already hurt me once…I can't allow it to happen again" she sighed tiredly.
Daryl pulled back concerned, "When did he hurt ya?" he asked turning his head to look back at the door. Although Daryl had stated he didn't want to fight anymore, it seemed as if he was ready to go and give Axel 'the Daryl Dixon treatment'.
Carol held his face in her hands, "It doesn't matter we don't need to talk about it. He's gone now"
"I understand" he said holding her close.
"Do you want to talk about our situation?"
Daryl looked down at her, "I'm already sold" he said with a grin.
Carol smiled but it slowly faded away, "What about the cancer...won't it be complicated?"
Daryl shrugged, "We'll work through it and I'll be there holdin' ya hand in the end. I aint gonna fuck up like my father or Ed"
Carol hugged him tightly, "You're better than all of them. You couldn't be like them if you tried"
Daryl kissed her softly and removed his jacket. He put one hand out and led her towards the kitchen silently before lighting a few candles and putting them around the kitchen. He then grabbed two wine glasses and filled them with grape juice and put on a soft mix. His hands slipped into her softly and he pressed his lips against the crook of her neck.
"After all the shit that went down we never got a real dance" he murmured into her neck.
"No we didn't" she smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck causing him to smile into her neck.
"I'm so glad I found ya again. I know I've had five weeks to say it but fuck…I don't know what I'd do without you or Sophia" he paused looking down at her stomach "What do…what do you think it'll be?" he asked
Carol smiled and leaned in to kiss him again, "I don't care. I'm just glad it's yours and that in a few months you'll be able to meet it" she made a face "Actually I'm not a fan of it. In a few months you'll be able to meet her" she added on to Daryl's delight.
"I'm fine with that"
She cuddled in close to him, "I never could've imagined how far we'd come. I never thought I'd be happy again or living with the man I loved and actually happy to have a child. Don't make me lose you Daryl, I need you to be careful"
"How?"
Carol bit her lip, "Maybe you shouldn't work anymore. I can handle working alone for a few months…I'll probably have to find another job"
Daryl nodded, "Alright if it makes ya happy. I'll stay safe for you" he kissed her, his lips brushing up against her with delicacy. "I love it when you get all protective" he muttered against her and Carol slapped him playfully.
"Stop stealing my lines" she laughed as he grabbed the two grape juice filled glasses.
"I guess neither of us can drink now" he chuckled
Carol sipped her drink, "It's probably for the better" she paused for a second "You're okay aren't you Daryl?"
"Fuck yeah"
Carol beamed, "I just wanted to check. I know recovering from depression and detoxing isn't exactly easy"
Daryl hugged her, "I'm great. Trust me"
Carol finished her drink and placed it on the table before patting Daryl on the back,
"It's been a long day and such a long night, you look like you could use the rest pookie" she smiled
Daryl smirked, "Is that my nickname now?"
"That's what I'm gonna tell the baby to call you" she said. Daryl chuckled blowing out all of the candles and switching off the music before heading up the stairs slowly with Carol's hand slipped into his. He walked into Sophia's bedroom first to see all of the lights off and Sophia buried under blankets with wet cheeks. Carol stood in the doorway watching as he stroked her hair back before pulling the blanket up slightly. As soon as he left the darkened room Carol moved forward and kissed Sophia's cheek goodnight before shutting the door behind them. When they got into their bedroom Daryl carefully undressed Carol and helped her into her night gown while she helped him slip off his shirt. The two of them fell to the bed and cuddled close, Daryl's hands slid over Carol's stomach softly.
"I aint gonna miss seein' her. I promise I'll fight to see her"
Carol wrapped her fingers over his, "I know you will, I wouldn't be able to stop you even if I tried" she yawned "See you in the morning pookie"
Daryl chuckled into her neck,
"Not if I see you first"
…
The next morning when Carol woke up everything was a blur. The first thing that hit her was the intense bright light which snuck through the blinds and forced her eyes shut again. She felt groggy knowing she had been ripped out of her sleep by the bed bouncing violently, she knew something wasn't quite right but she didn't know what it was. She moved her hands around the other side of the bed attempting to open her eyes which felt glued shut. Suddenly her hand smoothened across the sheets and came back wet. She glanced down at the white sheet to see spots of blood and her heart raced. This wasn't like the other times this time there was a lot of it.
"Daryl?" she called
No answer
She leaned over the bed to see almost a trail of blood across the floor and moving out of the bedroom.
"Oh my god" she whispered to herself. She rushed out of the bed almost tripping over the duvet "Daryl?" she yelled frantically as she followed the trail of blood moving across the landing and was suddenly frozen in her tracks by Sophia's blood curdling scream.
"Sophia?" she called hastily.
"Mom come to bathroom please!" she shrieked back.
Carol raced across the landing some of the blood getting on her toes. She stopped swiftly to see Sophia shaking by the doorway and pushed past her quickly to see Daryl lying on the bathroom floor. The blood was flowing from his nose like a waterfall and by his mouth she could see the vomit mixed with blood dripping as stared up at her helplessly. Carol ran over to him and immediately clasped his hand, she pressed her head against his chest and felt his heart racing against her ear. She lifted her head up, his breathing was laboured.
Sophia wept by the door, "Daryl…" she cried.
Carol whipped her head around to look at her, "Call an ambulance!" she screamed and Sophia quickly obeyed. She turned back to Daryl, his lips were trembling now as he stared at her, in pain. Tears rolled down Carol's cheek as she held his body close to hers, her arms wrapped around him protectively.
"It's gonna be okay Daryl. It's gonna be okay" she whispered weakly. His hand squeezed hers and she squeezed back softly "Just don't be scared, whatever you do don't be afraid…I've got you"
I've got you