Jaal left the Med Bay - he refused to consider it "escaping the Med Bay" - as soon as he could manage it. He was tired of Lexi's constant poking and prodding as she tried to find the source of his pain, despite his repeated assurances that there was nothing physically wrong with him. He was unsettled by Ryder's solicitous hovering. A new thought was presenting itself to him, and he wanted peace in which to consider it. He waited until Lexi stepped out, then made his way quickly to the Tech Lab, and locked himself in.
She followed him, of course. It was far easier to ignore Ryder's hovering when she was on the opposite side of a locked door, however. When she had SAM threaten him with a medical override, he offered to submit to - yet another - fruitless exam by Dr. T'Perro. He could almost hear Ryder's annoyed sigh when SAM replied that an exam would not be necessary.
After that, he was left in peace.
He felt it when the ship landed, presumably on Aya; he was faintly surprised that they lifted off again after only a few moments, but this was explained an hour later when the door beeped an entry request at him. He denied it, of course, and a moment later the comm engaged.
"Jaal. Open the door."
He blinked at the comm speaker. The moshae had come aboard, and was traveling somewhere with them? That was… unexpected.
He had stared in surprise at it for too long, apparently. When Moshae Sjefa spoke again, her tone was devoid of its usual patience.
"Jaal. Open the door."
He sighed, and unlocked the door. Feeling resentful and rebellious, he didn't open it for her; he turned his back on it, and busied himself with his latest project. Distantly, he realized he was acting like a teenager, but he couldn't find it within himself to care.
Moshae Sjefa walked in, pointedly ignoring his lack of manners, and moved across the room with her usual grace. She put a hand over his, forcing him to stop working. When he refused to meet her gaze, she stood there, serenely patient, and waited.
Finally, unable to stand the weight of her silence, Jaal met her eyes. He saw understanding there, and annoyance. He wasn't sure what he had expected, but the annoyance surprised him.
"You are certainly making a spectacle of yourself, Jaal. Sulking in here, letting everyone worry about you. Ryder has told me what happened, and what you said. Is it truly gone?"
Jaal was scowling at her assessment of him, and answered curtly. "Yes, my soulmate connection is gone. She died, and though she came back, the connection did not. We are no longer bound."
To his very great surprise, Moshae Sjefa smiled. "That is fortunate. I am sorry for your pain, Jaal, of course. I do not minimize it. But don't you realize what this means? You have a chance to reform the connection between you - correctly, this time!"
Jaal was shaking his head, even before she had finished.
"No. I will not."
"What? Whyever not? Jaal, don't you understand what I'm saying to you? Yes, the connection is gone, but it was broken - through no fault of your own - and didn't serve either of you properly. Now, your soulmate is alive, and awake, and here. You can perform the Ritual again, and form the connection as it should be. I believe Ryder will feel it, too, when you do."
Jaal shook his head, stubbornly; as much as he wanted to turn away, he held her eyes so she could see his determination.
"No. I will not."
This was the new idea which had grown within him as he lay in Med Bay, drowning in pain. For the first time, he spoke it, and saying it aloud made it seem even more right.
"She does not want me. She does not feel that I am her soulmate. She will not trust me, and will not believe my word. So now, we are free of each other. There is no connection between us. I look at her, and do not see my soulmate. She looks at me, and does not see her soulmate. This is an opportunity I do not plan to deny.
"I will not perform the Ritual."
Moshae Sjefa tried to reason with him, but he steadily refused to listen. Finally, even her patience was exhausted. She glared at him for a final moment, then turned to leave. At the door, she paused, and turned back.
"Very well, Jaal. If you will not, you will not. I refuse to continue arguing the matter with you. But consider, if you will, what you are doing to the person who you know is your soulmate.
"You have lied to her; you promised to give her time to figure things out, and now you use the fact that she took you up on that offer against her.
"You say she doesn't trust you, doesn't believe you. Yet, when you told her that she is your soulmate, she believed you enough to end a relationship that brought her happiness and comfort.
"I understand that you are in pain, but do not fancy that you are the only person to ever feel this loss. You know that I have felt the death of my soulmate. Do you not think I would have given everything I own, everything I am to find that he was still alive?" She took a long, steadying breath before continuing.
"Your own soulmate has felt this pain as well. She has told you this, I know she has. She told me, when I came aboard. Did she tell you that the pain drove her to consider taking her own life? Think Jaal, think how close you came to losing her before you were even born.
"Think of how far she has come, how much she has given up, how long she slept and the dangers she faced, in order to be here with you now.
"And what do you do with this gift? You throw it away, because it is not immediately perfect. You are acting like a petulant child, Jaal. Well, I will not encourage this behavior. If you wish to deny your soulmate, you must tell her so yourself. She has set a course to Havarl, since I told her what must be done, and neither of us considered that you could be so stubbornly self-absorbed. If you don't wish to perform the Ritual, you must tell her yourself.
"I am sure she has many pressing matters to attend to, and will want to reset her course."
Before he could even think of a reply, she swept out the doors, and was gone.
Ryder had hoped that when the moshae finished speaking with Jaal, he would leave the Tech Lab. Perhaps even come speak with her. She could only imagine the relief he would feel at knowing the connection could be reformed. Fixed, the moshae had said.
Sara had asked SAM if he and Lexi could try to find a way for her to form a similar connection with Jaal. After all, it was her biotics that had created the original empathic bond with her soulmate all those years before… now that they knew what the angara did, it should be possible to form that bond on purpose. She was full of nervous energy at the prospect. She had thought that part of her life was over, gone. To find that she might get it back was dizzying. Even if it didn't work, it would be alright.
Jaal knew that they were soulmates, all the rest they could work on.
As painful as it had been, ending her relationship with Kandros had given Sara a new perspective on this soulmate thing; with no part of her heart held elsewhere, she could appreciate the amazing gift she had been given in finding Jaal.
So it was something of a shock when the moshae came to her quarters - alone. She did not look pleased; in fact, she looked unusually annoyed.
"You must speak with Jaal. Perhaps you will succeed where I have failed, and talk some sense into him."
Sara frowned. That was ominous. "What do you mean?"
"He is refusing to perform the Ritual. He says that this has freed you both from a bond that you clearly do not want. He refuses to consider anything besides his own pain and frustration. He sees only what he wants to see, and ignores the rest."
Sara sat on her bed with a thump. She stared at the moshae, fighting the tears that threatened to rise up. "He won't even try?"
"He will not. He believes that you do not trust him, among other bits of nonsense. I have told him that he must explain this to you himself. He must tell his soulmate himself that he is throwing away this gift. Go, he is expecting you. Try to talk sense to him."
Sara sat staring at the door as it closed behind the moshae's retreating form. She couldn't decide if she was more hurt or angry; the tangle of her emotions would take some time to sort out, though, and Jaal was expecting her. Stealing herself, she stood and walked calmly to the Tech Lab.
She entered without warning; it was her ship, after all, and she could go where she wanted. Anger was winning.
She had walked in on a conversation, it seemed, Jaal was sitting in front of the comm, and a concerned voice issued from it.
"You, more than anyone, know how dangerous Akksul is."
The worry in the anagaran voice was palpable, and Ryder slowed her steps rather than interrupt.
Jaal's response was sharp with concern. "Why were they allowed to speak with him?"
A different, calmer voice answered. "They aren't children anymore. We can't control their every move." The voice added, sounding almost amused despite whatever was worrying them. "You remember how you were."
The first voice cut back in. "Please, Jaal."
He sighed heavily. "I'll bring them home." Then he closed the comm before they could say anything else.
"Are you ok?" She asked it hesitantly, afraid of his answer.
He was too disturbed by the conversation to respond with anything besides worry for his family.
"Three of my brothers and sisters have joined the Roekaar. Akksul has poisoned them with his hatred of aliens."
He walked away from her. When he turned back, he looked at her for the first time since SAM stopped her heart. The pain in his voice was for his family, for himself, and possibly even for her. It cut straight through her own anger.
"Ryder. He has my family, but I do not think I can do this alone."
She responded to his pain without thinking; her words, falling between them with conviction, the first steps toward rebuilding their bond.
He sighed with relief. "No hesitation. That is what I love about you." He seemed to realize what he had said, and hurried on, his tone more formal again. "I have a contact who's been monitoring the Roekaar. I'll set up a rendezvous with her."
He turned away, and busied himself at his terminal, ignoring her with a determination that showed he had spoken his true feelings, and regretted it.
Ryder left quietly, uncertain what this might mean for them, but unwilling to push him when he was concerned about his family.
Jaal was unusually calm as they made their way through the govataan. Ryder had expected to have to hold him back as nervous energy drove him forward. That wasn't what happened, though. He was calm, and quiet, and steadily assured in his course.
She had asked several times if he thought she should stay behind, but he insisted that her presence was necessary. Each time, he asked her to trust him, to follow his lead. Each time, she agreed; she knew he was testing her, knew her words carried a weight far beyond their meaning.
When they finally faced Akksul, she was almost sorry that she had made that promise. He held a pistol, pointed at Jaal's head, and everything in Ryder yelled at her to take him out before he could shoot.
"Jaal…?" She hated the way her voice shook, but she couldn't stop it. She was certain that she was about to watch Jaal be killed; but with the moshae's words about trust echoing in her mind, she knew that if he asked it of her, she would let it happen.
And it did. Akksul fired. Before Ryder could consider whether Jaal's death freed her from her promise not to kill Akksul, the bolt struck a rock.
Ryder blinked. Akksul had missed? No, she realized, he hadn't entirely missed; the bolt had grazed Jaal's cheek, leaving a painful looking slash in its wake.
He seemed to shake his brush with death off remarkably quickly, finishing the mission with a determination she could only envy. Shaking her head slightly, Ryder followed Jaal and his brothers and sister back to the shuttle.
Watching his mothers greet their children, Jaal took the first full breath in what felt like days; and immediately winced at the pain in his face.
Glorious pain, he thought. Healing pain. He would carry the scar, always; proof that Sara trusted him. Perhaps he had been hasty in his refusal to perform the Ritual. Perhaps it should be done.
He glanced at Sara, leaning on the railing beside him, giving his family their privacy.
"Thank you for trusting me. Killing Akksul would have made the Roekaar stronger."
"He shot you." She sounded indignant, and it almost made Jaal smile.
"I knew what I was doing."
He extended his arm in the anagara gesture that he had taught Ryder when they met. Smiling, she met him, her arm bumping along the length of his.
Jaal laughed, feeling hope rising within him. "You've been practicing!"
"A little," Ryder returned, smiling still.
Jaal took a deep breath. "Ryder - Sara - could we spare the time to visit my family home? The moshae has said that if I perform the Ritual again, it may reestablish the connection between us." He paused, struggling to read her expression. "I should like to try."
She tipped her head to the side, considering him. Suddenly, he was nervous. Had the moshae told her what he'd said? Would she refuse?
"I think we can make the time. If you're sure."
He sighed with relief. "I am not sure, but I am… hopeful."