Hi guys! Again, thanks for reading and reviewing :) I hope you're enjoying the story so far.
Now, my life sucks a lot lately and I've got no time to write :( That's why it's taking me longer to update, sorry. I just finished this chapter and wanted to share it with you, so sorry for possible typos and grammar mistakes. English is not my first language, so there'll be tons.
Happy reading!
From Kurt: Today I'm focusing all my energies in wishing you a very bad and painful hangover.
Sebastian chuckled quietly while he devoured his third big jammy glass of water at the office.
The way he kept getting wasted lately was starting to be somewhat concerning. Apparently he wasn't one to be bothered with trifles like having a job to attend to, no. And neither did Santana. They were both walking zombies all day, glued to their sunglasses and taking discreet naps whenever they got the chance.
But turning into a potential irresponsible loser wasn't what concerned Sebastian the most, to be honest. His main concern had more to do with the fact that he had never been much of a drinker in the first place. Apart from the occasional drink on the weekend, he didn't even have beer or wine on a regular basis. Nor he enjoyed alcohol as much as other people did.
And he wasn't that thick either. He knew what he was doing. He was merely turning to alcohol to ease his recently heightened grief and pain. But why now? And when would it stop? When would it come the final break down?
Probably because of Sebastian's worries, it was kind of nice getting a sudden text message. It was a rather strange feeling too. Your pocket buzzed and you felt like the world had suddenly remembered about you and was bringing you back to the spotlight where you belonged…
But it wasn't something Sebastian was used to feel. He never texted anyone, not even Julie back in the day. He could only remember having fun texting when he was single, and it was weird because he actually loved flirty texting and/or sexting.
But that wasn't what Kurt and he were doing, dear Lord, no! At least, not yet.
To Kurt: Well, well. See who woke up all feisty. You're a mouthy little bad boy now, aren't ya.
Sebastian couldn't help himself. Teasing Kurt was just too easy and too much fun. And harmless. Granted, he couldn't see the boy's reactions: his flushed neck, his blushed cheeks… but still, Sebastian had enough material by now to picture it in his head.
From Kurt: Wow. You still drunk, huh?
To Kurt: Nope?
Still Sebastian felt like maybe he didn't. Like maybe he needed some more material. Some more facts and details about Kurt to picture him more accurately. But how would anyone go about that? Their meetings had all been so random and circumstantial. How did anyone go from sleeping together to asking out on a casual coffee? Wasn't that, like, going backwards? Not that Sebastian wanted to go forwards in any way. But… what if he wanted to?
Sebastian scoffed. Okay, this was what he didn't want to. Hashing things over like this. Getting all anxious. He didn't have the energy.
Let's just text for now, Sebastian decided, texting is harmless.
From Kurt: Oh, so you just talk like that to teenage boys you don't like on a regular basis. I see.
To Kurt: Exactly ;)
From Kurt: Jerk.
To Kurt: That's asshole to you, kiddo.
From Kurt: That's petit to you, asshole.
Sebastian smiled in spite of himself. He undeniably had his doubts about what he was doing. But it had been too long since he had been his old careless, fun self. Life had been too difficult lately. Wasn't it time it got easy-going again? Weren't things sometimes as simple as going with the flow?
To Kurt: Fine by me, petit trésor.
Sebastian put his phone aside, though. Sometimes, for every step he took forwards… he felt the need to slow down again. So he tried to focus on his article again. He had four pieces to write before he could even think of going home and sleeping it off; and texting like a teenager, however fun, would not make the pieces go away.
From Kurt: I like texting Sebastian. He's fun :)
It took Sebastian about thirty seconds to attend his phone, breaking his unspoken promise to focus on the article. But it was worth it. Sebastian grinned.
To Kurt: Don't let that go to his head. He might get all full of himself and we don't want that.
From Kurt: Speak for yourself! I do want him like that. He's normally so contained around me... I kinda like him drunky jerk and all.
Sebastian gulped down. It shouldn't come as a surprise that Kurt liked him. But still, reading it twice in two minutes was a little bit intimidating.
And also, it put the whole 'texting is harmless' thing into perspective. Shit got real, so to speak.
To Kurt:
Sebastian seriously tried to come up with any kind of answer but he couldn't. His mouth was getting all dry, and it wasn't just because of the hangover. He was playing with fire, wasn't he? Suddenly he missed the days when he thought the lines were not too blurred yet. And he startled when he realized it hadn't been longer than a week since he first met the kid. Wow.
And what a week it had been. Before Brittany's party, Sebastian had been perfectly comfortable in his uneventful post-Julie life. Sleepless, numbed and quiet. He honestly could not recall a single event from two weeks ago, yet he could remember every event from last week quite clearly.
He hadn't realized until now, but it all had been triggered somehow from that first night at Kurt's. From that first encounter with that odd looking kid with sharp blue eyes and funny bows that chased him in the street like a silly teenager.
So much had changed, somehow. It was unsettling.
/
These days, Kurt thought of himself as an idiot. A hopeless one.
Sebastian confused him. And the worst part was Kurt couldn't really say he felt like a toy. Like Sebastian's personal toy. No, it wasn't even that real.
He felt more like a concept. Like an idea Sebastian amused himself with. Seriously, what else could it be? Sebastian seemed to enjoy teasing and playing around with him, but nothing had even happened.
Kurt was certain there was something going on between them, though, now more than ever. But all he could see and perceive was the potential. And it frustrated him how that potential never got unfolded.
And also, he started to see Quinn's point. Sebastian was kind of a mess. Troubled. It was too obvious now to deny it. He incited Kurt, then sent him away. What kind of adult did that?
But Kurt had decided to fight for him, despite all that. He had decided to go all in with Sebastian, and that implied being vulnerable and telling him it was okay: Sebastian had his permission to toy around with him and that was okay, because Kurt liked him and wanted to be there for him.
When Sebastian showed no reaction whatsoever to Kurt's text, at first it hurt a little. Mostly, because it made Kurt feel wrong. Unwanted. But this seemed to work like a game that always came back to him when he was about to quit it.
That was why when Kurt finally got a response from Sebastian two days later, he wasn't actually very surprised. He was mad. And hurt. But not surprised.
From Sebastian S.: I'm thinking we should probably meet.
Desperate, Kurt phoned Finn. He had had enough of Quinn's cold reasoning.
"Hey" Finn's sleepy voice greeted him. Kurt rolled his eyes. It was only six.
"Finn, hurry, I need you to be awake" Kurt implored his best friend with little to no kindness at all.
Finn yawned carelessly. "That tone's not gonna make do anything faster..."
"Finn" Kurt stated, annoyed.
"But that one will" Finn chuckled, "what's up?"
"Finn, I come to you in desperate need of advice" Kurt said, dramatically. "I'm falling in love with someone, and he's such a mess..."
"Whoa- whoa- whoa- what?!" Finn sounded impossibly sharp and surprised. "Who are we talking about? Is it- Oh, not you too, man. Is it Sam? I don't know how else to say this: he's not gay, Kurt. You guys need to leave him alone, you're gonna scare him!"
Kurt wouldn't take Finn's shit. "God- I'm so done with you thinking my gayness makes people feel uncomfortable!" Kurt bit back. "But I don't have time for that now!" He protested. "Are you gonna help me out or not?"
"Shit" Finn sighed. "Sorry, bro. I thought you were talking about him. It's all right, though. Just tell me, then."
"You don't know this guy, okay?" Kurt couldn't help but still sound irritated. He realized he needed to ease his tone if he wanted Finn to actually empathize with his situation, though. "He's- he's older. A friend of my sister. And it's complicated. Like, I'm not even sure he likes me, but he keeps texting me and I-"
"Exhibit A" Finn cut him, getting all detective-like, which kind of cheered Kurt up.
"That's kind of exhibit B, actually. Exhibit A would be he's been crashing at my place lately. At my room, actually."
"Your room?" Finn asked, shocked. "Holy shit- how come you haven't told me about any of this before?" The boy sounded breathless. "Did you- ssshit. Did you guys…?"
"No, we didn't" Kurt rolled his eyes. "I would have told you that."
"Not that I'd like to know the details, but still" Finn scoffed, dignified. "At least I'd expect you to tell me-"
"Finn, we didn't!" Kurt cut him, exasperated. "Focus! Please!" He urged the boy. "We have shared my bed, though. But that's it. And he keeps showing up late at night, drunk. And drunk-texts me. Flirty texting. You know? But he doesn't even like me. He just jokes and teases me because he's depressed."
"Wait- he's depressed? Kurt, c'mon. Give yourself some credit, a guy doesn't have to be depressed to want to hang out with you-"
"I know that, idiot!" Kurt chuckled in spite of himself. Finn had a way to mess with his nerves. "I meant he's depressed, like real depressed! His girlfriend just died. Oh, and also, I'm not even sure he likes guys. So yeah, I'd say I'm pretty much screwed, because I chased him in the street like an idiot, asked him to take my number and oh sweet Gaga, I even went to his office and he shut me down big time."
"Ouch" Finn sounded pained. "He did… I- Shit, I don't know. You can't go chasing guys like that, Kurt. But he's been chasing you too. You should definitely make sure he likes guys first, though. Yeah, definitely, that's what I'd do first- 'cause if he doesn't like peanuts, then why even bother, right? Just ask him."
Kurt went mute for a few seconds. Strangely enough, he hadn't even stopped to think about Sebastian's sexuality. He hadn't considered it relevant, to be honest.
"Okay, I know what you're gonna say, but I just- I just don't think that's a problem-"
"Kurt, not again!" Finn protested.
"No, but hear me out! This time is different!" Kurt defended, "He just seems too smart to even be bothered with stuff like that. I don't think he's straight. Or gay. I think he's neither."
"How can you be neither?" Finn asked, confused. "That doesn't make any sense at all."
"Finn, it does. God, sometimes I forget how much we've got to work on before I let you out in that wild adult world. Sexuality labels don't necessarily apply to everyone. They're functional, but not determining."
Kurt knew this was too much for Finn to take in so quickly. So he didn't push it.
"Look, let's skip that for now. The thing is: he just texted me to meet up now. What should I do?" Kurt asked, nervously.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait… He asked you out?" Finn asked, surprised. "Why didn't you start with that? Kurt, listen to me, you need to go."
"But Finn-"
"No, no, no, no. You're gonna go. 'Cause we both know, you wanna go. You would regret it forever if you didn't. So go, text him and meet up with him again. Don't waste your time talking to me, just go."
"But how can you see it so clearly?" Kurt sighed, defeated. "I don't even know what he wants. It's not like he asked me on a date. He's probably bored, or drunk again."
"So be it" Finn argued. "Let him be drunk or bored! But don't miss on opportunities. Seriously, this is the first time you're telling me about a guy and the guy has actually asked you out. You need to go. He wants to see you. You'll figure out the rest later. You ain't gonna gain anything by not going. Think about it."
"Yeah, maybe" Kurt conceded, uncertain. "I guess I should just go."
"Yeah, we both know you should. We also know you didn't call to tell me all about it in two freaking minutes, no- you'll do that tomorrow. You called me because you're dying to go now and you need a little push. So here's your push, Kurt. Go meet him, and we'll think of something tomorrow."
Kurt chuckled. "That's like our worst plan ever" he joked. "Act first, plan later."
Finn chuckled too. "It works for me sometimes. But hey, play hard to get. Don't just agree right away. Make him work for it."
"I'll try my best" Kurt said nervously.
/
To Kurt: I'm thinking we should probably meet.
This time it was Sebastian who texted first. It had been two days since he hadn't responded to Kurt, and he was starting to worry that the boy would get mad at him again.
It was quite strange. The way Sebastian felt compelled and repelled at the same time towards Kurt was quite contradictory. And yet, it kept him asking for more.
From Kurt: Let's see if I get this right for once: you're gonna get hammered, need a place to crash and someone to confuse with your mixed signals.
Sebastian contained a bitter smile. So Kurt knew what his game was. Okay, he could understand the boy. But it wasn't like that anymore. It hadn't even been like that before. Sebastian had just been acting rather randomly. In general. His interactions with life as a human being had been a total disaster lately. Kurt had simply been a casualty.
To Kurt: Okay. Forget about it.
Kurt might have Sebastian compelled somehow but that didn't mean Sebastian had the energy to beg the kid for his time.
And yeah, Sebastian was aware he had been an asshole. But he had apologized. And the last thing he wanted to deal with was teenage drama. Give me a freaking break, he thought annoyed while he tried to focus again on his task at hand: a very boring article on green juices.
Besides, Kurt seemed like the kind of person who was more than happy to give you a piece of his mind. So Sebastian just waited. He was certain his phone would buzz any moment with another furious text from the boy. For sure it would.
But it didn't. An hour passed and it freaking didn't. And it irritated him.
To Kurt: You're kind of an ass.
Sebastian had to keep himself from texting something much ruder. But he actually managed to keep it high-school like. He mentally slapped himself.
From Kurt: And you're the most childish adult I've ever met.
Sebastian scoffed quite loudly, gaining himself some glances from his coworkers. They all looked away quickly except for Santana, who narrowed her eyes at him. Sebastian rolled his eyes.
To Kurt: Shit happens when you hang out with teenagers I hear.
Sebastian felt conflicted. He kind of didn't want to argue with Kurt. He actually just wanted some harmless flirty texting. Nothing else. Why did Kurt have to make it so difficult?
From Kurt: You only hear what you wanna hear, but whatever.
For a moment, Sebastian felt disoriented. He couldn't believe the situation he had gotten himself into. Dealing with drama and shit. He sighed.
To Kurt: What's that supposed to mean?
From Kurt: It means stop texting me if you're scared to hear I like you.
Oh.
Sebastian found himself feeling guilty. But not because of Kurt. He felt guilty he was being a coward. Kurt was right, he was scared. The whole reason he hadn't replied to Kurt's text two days ago was he hadn't found it in himself to admit he liked the boy back. This situation kept getting more and more complicated every second, and it made him feel vertigo.
But he didn't want Kurt to think he was scared. What kind of encouragement would that be for the kid? No matter how complicated things were getting, Sebastian still needed to see him at least one more time. And he couldn't explain himself why.
To Kurt: I'm not. And I guess that's your problem. Now, can you go back to being your nice, cute self?
From Kurt: What's my problem? I am my nice, cute self! I can be mad at you while being so, you know.
To Kurt: I meant it's your problem if you like me. And you also like being mad at me a little too much, I think.
From Kurt: You make me confused u.u and I get mad. And I like you even when I'm mad. Not just when you're being cute and nice. Which is kind of never so far.
Sebastian finally relaxed. This was the Kurt he needed. Sweet and nice. He knew it was not fair to deprive the boy of his right to be mad, or unkind, or whatever. But again, it was Kurt's problem if he liked Sebastian and wanted to comply.
To Kurt: That's kind of sad :( I've been a very bad teenage crush to you, haven't I.
From Kurt: Yes. Wouldn't kill you to be nicer. Or clearer.
To Kurt: Well, I just asked you out and you declined my offer..
From Kurt: First things first. You've got nothing to say back to me?
Sebastian chuckled. For real? How silly could Kurt be? Sebastian didn't remember the last time he had told someone 'I like you'. It seemed so far away on the past, and yet it felt like such an urgent feeling.
To Kurt: … You're so silly. You really need me to say it?
From Kurt: I'm being insecure, not silly, and I think I have reasons to be. Sebastian, I have no idea where I stand with you.
Sebastian bit his lip. He was being so selfish with this whole thing. Like, honestly, so selfish. And sometimes it felt like he didn't even care. He just wanted Kurt's goodness all for himself right now. And the way he was going about it wasn't exactly the most righteous.
Kurt had every reason to feel insecure. And it broke Sebastian's heart a little to realize that. The kid had been so brave…
To Kurt: You stand right by my side. Your arms all around me. That's how much I like you, Kurt.
There was no answer to that, which took Sebastian by surprise, to be frank. Was that Kurt's way to get back at him? The boy made him let his guard down, be vulnerable for a moment, and then paid him by ignoring him? It made Sebastian feel played. Kurt didn't strike him as a person who would like pay backs. The thing he liked about Kurt was that the boy made him feel safe. So what was this about?
As soon as Sebastian left the office, though, he was greeted with the sight of Kurt's slim figure. The boy had both hands in his pockets and was looking down distractedly. He looked nervous, insecure.
Sebastian observed him for a while, from a distance. His breathing got quieter. It was somehow comforting seeing someone struggling like he was doing himself.
Kurt finally looked up and caught his stare.
"Hey" the boy smiled shyly, stopping three feet away from Sebastian.
"Hey" Sebastian returned the smile.
Kurt held his stare, and they just stood there in front of each other rather awkwardly, but at the same time allured not to move one inch away.
Sebastian was still kind of puzzled. "What are you doing here?" He asked, dumbly. It was pretty obvious he was the reason why.
Kurt gave him a small smile and fidgeted nervously. "You told me to be bold, so…" Sebastian couldn't help but soften his stare, feeling somewhat pleased. "How am I doing so far?" Kurt asked, jokingly.
"Not bad" Sebastian conceded, his lips curling up mindlessly. "Yeah."
Kurt regarded him with a funny expression, probably surprised that Sebastian wasn't adding anything else, and Sebastian was seriously considering slapping himself for being so damn uptight when the door suddenly opened behind him and hit him in the back.
"Who the hell stands at the very exit-" Santana was already grumbling until she noticed Kurt. Her eyes fell then on Sebastian, but found their way back to Kurt quickly. She frowned. "Huh. Brittany sent you here, didn't she?"
Sebastian, whose heart had been beating furiously up until that moment, scared that Santana had caught on them before there was even anything to be caught on, couldn't help but shake his head and ask: "What?" at unison with Kurt.
"That's right. Don't play dumb" Santana pointed a finger at Kurt. "Isn't that why you're here? She sent you, didn't she? She sent you because she's too afraid to come herself!" Santana yelled.
Sebastian stroked her arm. "Whoa-whoa, stop right there, woman. Why would Brittany be afraid to come? Are you ever gonna tell me what happened between you two?"
Santana got rid of Sebastian's grip and cast him an annoyed look. "Well, not right now, dumb-ass. Not in front of his evil brother. Evil, that's right. You can tell her that I said that: evil! And here" she shook her bag frenetically trying to fish out something, "here" she repeated, then handed Kurt over a set of keys, "you can give her back the keys and tell her to stick them up her tight ass!" Santana barked, then shot both boys a furious glare and stormed off.
Sebastian and Kurt exchanged a couple of looks and watched her go confused.
"She's so scary" Kurt commented on a whisper. He looked certainly scared.
Sebastian chuckled. "Nah. She's just got a lot of attitude going on. She's harmless, really."
Kurt didn't seem very convinced, and his gaze was still after the girl, distracted. "If you say so."
Sebastian suddenly noticed the keys on Kurt's hands. It didn't even seem like Kurt was aware he was holding them until the boy caught Sebastian's gaze and followed his eyes.
They stared at each other then, both dubious and conspiratorial. Sebastian wondered if he was starting to imagine things or they were both thinking the same.
Either way, Sebastian slowly covered Kurt's hand with his own and stroked it. Kurt gave him a knowing smile, a smile that told Sebastian they were both on the same page.
Sebastian took the set of keys, fidgeted with them a little and finally kept them in his pocket. He smiled at Kurt without reservations then.
"Are your parents home tonight?" Sebastian asked in a low, confidential tone, even though they were alone. He even took a few steps closer, looking for secrecy.
Kurt seemed to have his breath caught, and his eyes got somewhat wider, so it took him a few seconds to react. "No. They're not" he said nervously.
Sebastian smirked. "Is Brittany?"
Kurt hesitated. "I'm not sure" he admitted, casting Sebastian an apologetic look that made him feel somewhat too demanding.
"It's okay" Sebastian stroked Kurt's arm, trying to remind himself to slow down a bit. "Go home and text me when it's clear, okay?"
"Okay" Kurt breathed out, his neck getting all flushed. "You know, I could-" he stopped midway, tentative, "go to your place too."
"We could also go to a bar" Sebastian chuckled, trying to ease Kurt's tension. "I mean it's not like we can only see each other when there's a bed involved" he joked.
Kurt blushed then and laughed along, self-conscious. "I know that, idiot" he narrowed his eyes at Sebastian. "But it's what you keep proposing."
Sebastian smirked and scratched his chin, thoughtfully. "Is it? You never seemed to complain before."
Kurt punched Sebastian's side playfully. "I'm not complaining now either, though" he admitted with a… was that- was that a cheeky smile? Sebastian smirked, pleased.
"Let's keep our encounters at bed, then" Sebastian suggested mischievously, more to see Kurt's reaction than anything else. Kurt's pupils dilated frenetically. "I'm joking" Sebastian added, happy to have an excuse to stroke Kurt's arm again.
Kurt shot him an ironic smile. "Great. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."
"You're not?" Sebastian asked flirtatiously, taking one final step in Kurt's direction. "Careful what you wish for, Kurt. You might get what you so boldly chased" he chuckled under his breath, feeling finally back in the game and happy to be in it. Sebastian used to consider himself a flirty motherfucker, and it was really nice to feel like that again.
Kurt didn't know what to do with himself and it was somewhat endearing to watch. His stare tried to fix on Sebastian's eyes but kept lowering down to his lips nervously. Sebastian noticed, and the look of scare on Kurt's eyes told him something he hadn't quite realized before: even if Kurt was indeed chasing him, it didn't mean that it was something that came natural to the boy. It was actually taking him a great effort.
Sebastian decided to cut the boy some slack and took a step back. Whatever happened to 'let's just text', 'texting is harmless', you dumb-ass? He told himself off.
But suddenly Kurt's hands were grabbing his collar and his lips were all over Sebastian's own. Sebastian widened his eyes in shock for a moment, startled, but felt compelled to close them quite quickly. Mostly, because Kurt's lips felt warm and nice, and he liked the tender way they moved over his own once the kiss got less sudden. So he closed his eyes and dived in it, enjoying every twirl and every goose-bump.
Within freaking seconds, Sebastian's body got all heated up and he found himself taking a firm hold on Kurt's waist, bringing him closer. Kurt quivered under his hands while Sebastian's mouth took over control dominantly.
It didn't last much longer, though. They were both pressing their lips so anxiously together that the need for air got quickly urgent. It was Sebastian who gave up first; his hands lost their grip on Kurt and he took two steps back, nervously.
He regarded Kurt amazed. Who would have thought kissing him would feel so good? Maybe it shouldn't come as a surprise, though. Kurt's arms had already proved to be a nice shelter after all.
This kid had a tendency to make him feel incredibly good. And it was addictive.
"Kurt" Sebastian tried to collect some saliva. He could still taste Kurt on his mouth. "I wanna sleep with you tonight."
"Oh" Kurt eye's smiled, shocked.
"What are your thoughts?" Sebastian asked, jokingly.
They both chuckled. "Let's go" Kurt smiled.
Sebastian quickly intertwined his arm with Kurt's and started walking towards the subway.
/
"O-kay" Kurt articulated with difficulty. "Is there… um- like a reason why you don't want me at your place? I mean, I've been thinking about it, and it's more than fair if the place's like- sacred to you, I mean, I'd respect that-"
Sebastian hadn't waited for any invitation whatsoever to lay in Kurt's bed and steal his favorite pillow. But he had done exactly that. It was a blue, fluffy pillow that had probably been made to please and be hugged.
"It's not sacred" Sebastian cut him, seeing how the boy mumbled when he got insecure. Kurt was leaning on his desk, keeping an unnecessary distance, and Sebastian observed him amused. "It's my- God, I don't even know what to call her anymore. My dead-girlfriend's sister? My ex-sister-in-law?" He thought out loud, confused. "It's Julie's sister. She's made it a habit to come unannounced and crash there lately. It's comforting for her, somehow."
"Oh" Kurt observed, surprised. "That's not- that's not a little abusive? I mean, poor girl, but- it's your privacy. No wonder you can't sleep there..."
"I hadn't been able to sleep there for almost two months before that happened" Sebastian chuckled. "She's not to blame, really. I mean, not any more than I am" he admitted, with an apologetic smile.
Kurt regarded him confused. "What do you mean not any more than-"
"I've been doing the exact same to you, Kurt. Wouldn't you call that abusive? Didn't I invade your privacy as well?"
Sebastian searched in Kurt's eyes for a hint of hesitation or regret, but he only found understanding.
Kurt shook his head, coyly. "Don't be silly. You always throw sticks at my window first" he giggled. "Why should I need more announcement than that?"
Sebastian narrowed his eyes at him, amused. "Well, if it hadn't taken you almost a week to give me your number..." he defended.
Kurt gave him a bitchy glare. "Right, 'cause you were so into it when I did give it to you" he rolled his eyes. "To say that you've been giving me mixed signals would be an understatement..." the boy looked away, somewhat resented now.
Sebastian sat on his knees and approached the edge of the bed. "Is that what you resent me for?" He asked, half surprised, half amused. "That I was reluctant to take your number?"
Kurt bit the inside of his mouth and observed him rather seriously. "Well, it's not nice when you've got to ask someone twice to take your number. Doesn't make you feel exactly wanted either..."
Sebastian spread his arms and reached for Kurt. Kurt gave him an incredulous look.
Sebastian chuckled under his breath. "Come here" he asked, trying not to seem too amused.
Kurt regarded him suspiciously. "What for?"
Sebastian sighed but grinned even wider. "Would you just come here, you big stubborn?" He couldn't help but chuckle. "Why do you look at me like that? You don't trust me?"
Kurt took a very reluctant couple of steps towards Sebastian and stood still, uncertain. "No?"
They both chuckled then.
"Seems fair" Sebastian conceded. "But seriously, come here. I've got something to tell you."
Kurt took a deep breath and one step more. The boy cautiously placed his hands over Sebastian's own, examining Sebastian's reaction closely, as if scared it was all a big joke or something.
Sebastian stroked his hands and held them close to his chest. "Kurt, I can't promise you there'll be no more teasing from now on. I can't promise I won't laugh at you or joke about your silly teenage ways."
Sebastian chuckled and Kurt rolled his eyes, then tried to liberated his hands from Sebastian's trap. He had probably had enough of Sebastian's teasing already.
"But" Sebastian held Kurt's hands more tightly and forced the boy to stay right where he was, "I promise you this: I want you."
Sebastian's throat got a little dry while saying so, but something kept compelling him to act without thinking. It was liberating, but also scary.
"So" he kept rambling, mostly to fill any possible awkward silence, "you can resent me for being an asshole, but you can't resent me for not wanting you."
Kurt batted his eyes really fast for a couple of seconds, then his lips curled up slowly until shaping into a shy smile. "You want me?"
Sebastian bit his lip. "Yeah. I mean, it's more like an 'I want you to' than a plain 'I want you', but I do, fear not" he said, playfully.
Kurt seemed to find it appealing, because he took another step and his chest almost met Sebastian's.
"And what do you want me to do?" The boy asked, his breath falling right under Sebastian's chin.
"Well, for starters" Sebastian let go off one of his hands and patted the bed, "I want you to lie here with me. You think you could do that?"
Kurt gulped down nervously but nodded. He sat down facing Sebastian, but it took him a few seconds to look him in the eye again.
Sebastian stroked Kurt's hand again. "That's nice" Sebastian smiled at him. "See, I'm covering the distance, like you asked me to."
Kurt tried to hide a smile and scoffed instead, but he looked extremely pleased, and Sebastian could take credit for that.
"Let's see. What else did you tell me the other night?" Sebastian pondered thoughtfully, although he did remember quite clearly. "Oh, yes. That I needed to be less cold."
Something about being now so close to the boy made Sebastian feel less inclined to tease. Whenever their bodies were so close, there it was: a sudden but palpable intimacy that became louder every time they met.
Kurt looked down discreetly. "Sorry for that. I went out of my way, I- I shouldn't have ask-"
"You didn't go out of your way" Sebastian stroked Kurt's knee then. Physical contact felt nice with Kurt. "I mean, yeah, you probably did" he gave Kurt an understanding smile, "but I needed that. I just- didn't know yet."
Kurt met his eyes then, and regarded Sebastian expectantly.
"And I want to be less cold around you" Sebastian cupped Kurt's cheek and caressed it. Kurt felt like this enormous precious thing under his fingers he didn't deserve… Or did he? "Like you. You're warm. You feel so warm around me… you could melt my coldness, maybe."
He caressed Kurt's neck then, and slowly adventured to stroke his chest, meeting some resistance from the tight shirt Kurt was wearing.
Sebastian gently brought Kurt to his own lap and guarded him there like a treasure. He looked the boy in the eyes for a moment, hoping to find willingness – and he did. Kurt's fresh, alive eyes moved and breathed on their own, and they seemed to enjoy the sight of Sebastian.
Sebastian started to undo the buttons of Kurt's shirt.
Kurt stayed still and appeared to be mystified, and Sebastian couldn't really decide where to stare: his very big and opened eyes, which were almost intimidating, or the boy's flushed skin that greeted him underneath the shirt.
Kurt raised a hand to touch Sebastian's side and Sebastian almost shivered. He reached the last button of Kurt's shirt and ran his hand freely around the pale torso now, carefully at first. This was their first real physical contact, or at least it felt that way. Kurt gasped a little, and his eyes entered some sort of trance, diving in Sebastian's own.
Sebastian slowly placed himself on top of Kurt and brought his lips to that pale but soft chest. Kurt hid his hands in Sebastian's hair, making Sebastian shiver now and hold on to the boy more firmly, devouring Kurt's neck. Kurt kissed him where he found access: his head, his temples, his cheek… Every kiss felt more healing than the kiss before, and it was shaking Sebastian's insides completely.
He reached for Kurt's mouth then and kissed him so hungrily it seemed like they had never kissed before. Like kissing someone you've wanted for so long for the first time. It was ridiculous how a week could awake so many emotions inside you.
"You have no idea how good this feels" Sebastian whispered, somewhat scared of his own overwhelm. "I was so tired of feeling broken..."
Watching Kurt's reaction to his words that closely made Sebastian regret them immediately. Kurt looked so concerned he felt guilty.
The boy scratched Sebastian's nape softly, then moved his fingertips slowly over Sebastian's face, soothingly.
"I'm sorry. You don't need to hear these things" Sebastian sighed, mad at himself. "I shouldn't even think like that."
"No, you should" Kurt disagreed, casting him a timid smile when Sebastian frowned. "You've got every right to feel broken, Sebastian. What's wrong with that?"
Sebastian looked down, ashamed. His good spirits were suddenly going down somehow. It frustrated him. This was not the time to be this depressed version of himself he had been doing lately. But he was so used to it, it was kind of hard to quit it.
"What's wrong is… Is this bad energy" Sebastian shook his head, conflicted. "You're so full of life, Kurt. And I'm so full of- these soiled memories and thoughts. You don't need this shit in your life" he defended.
Kurt regarded him cautiously, as if scared to say or do the wrong thing. Sebastian was done with himself. It wasn't Kurt's place to feel scared. He was fucking with Kurt's life already.
"What if-" Kurt spoke up, tentatively, "I mean- I can't really pretend that I get what you're feeling. I wish I did, to be honest, so I could make you feel less lonely in this" the boy bit his lip, his features turning sad, "but all I can do is listening to you. Do you wanna let those thoughts out? It can't harm. And I can take it. I appreciate your wish to preserve me" the boy chuckled awkwardly, "but it's gonna take more than a couple of depressed thoughts to bring me down."
Sebastian chuckled in spite of himself. He felt slightly easier.
"That's very kind" he thanked Kurt with a smile, "but I didn't come here 'cause I wanted to talk. I just need some arms now. Yours" Sebastian added, realizing how disrespectful that was to Kurt. "I need your arms now, Kurt. Let's not talk, and I'll make it good to you too, I promise."
Kurt's eyes got somewhat heavier. The boy lost the smile. And Sebastian could understand why. But he was being honest, really. He needed good, easy things. It was Kurt's problem if he couldn't actually take it.
"Some way you've got with words" Kurt said in a low, resigned tone. "Don't say 'arms' when you wanna say 'a screw'."
Sebastian regarded him shocked. "What? Kurt, you're misunderstanding me-"
Kurt wasn't looking at him, and Sebastian damned himself. I mean, he knew he had sounded like a jerk. But had he really been that much of a jerk?
"No, you were perfectly clear. You don't want me to talk. You only want me to be 'some arms'. And you know the worst part?" The boy locked eyes with Sebastian suddenly, and Sebastian was taken aback by how sharp and fierce they looked now. "The worst part is I'm gonna let you. So go ahead. Do as you please."
Sebastian couldn't move an inch. Kurt looked so sad, and he was feeling so sad too. Kurt wasn't just 'some arms' to him, but he wasn't quintessential either. He was… God, Sebastian didn't know what he was.
"Kurt, I-" Sebastian fought the urge to cry. For some stupid, illogical reason he just couldn't fathom he was feeling like crying now. But not like light crying, no. He was feeling like properly sobbing. It was some freaking awesome timing. "Fffffuck."
Kurt looked at him confused then, but Sebastian wouldn't return the look. He was too busy trying to teleport himself right now.
"Sebastian?" Kurt asked, befuddled. "Seb- Sebastian, are you crying?"
"I- I- just... uh- Oh God" Sebastian heard himself weep. It was so scary being aware he had just wept. It kind of gave you the impression that there was really no turning back from that.
Kurt took him in his arms and searched for his eyes. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay, I promise."
Sebastian shook his head but hid it on the comfort of Kurt's offered shoulder. "It's not" he mumbled like a complete moron. "It's not" he repeated stubbornly, uncertain as to what to do with all the anxiety he was feeling. "I only feel good when I'm here with you" he freaking sobbed. "I wanna ask a lot of you, Kurt. I feel so selfish."
Kurt stroked his back and did his best to comfort him, Sebastian could feel it. "Then ask, Sebastian" the boy encouraged him, "anything you ask of me, I'll want to do it. I promise."
Sebastian shook his head again. "I can't" he whined.
"Of course you can. You've got my consent. Ask" Kurt murmured.
Sebastian felt completely powerless, like he had just lost control of his own body and emotions. But the strangest thing was that he had never felt so safe. So confident that he would be "okay" as long as he stayed right where he was.
He took a couple of deep breaths. He had completely wet Kurt's shirt, so it wasn't exactly easy to look up at him right now. He did his best, though, and met Kurt's understanding eyes with precaution.
"Take my mind off her" Sebastian whispered and searched for Kurt's hand. He squeezed it. "Purge her from within me. She needs to go… otherwise I'll drown."
Kurt observed him uncertain and held Sebastian even closer, if that was possible. The boy hugged him and tried to comfort him as much as he could, and Sebastian, well, he appreciated it. But he needed more than that. More than just his arms, maybe.
Sebastian freed himself from Kurt's embrace as smoothly as he could and captured Kurt's hands with his own. He looked the boy in the eye fiercely, demanding even. If Kurt said it was okay to ask, then he would certainly do so.
He brought Kurt's hands to his lips and kissed them warmly, never letting go of Kurt's stare. Then, Sebastian placed them on his own thighs, challengingly close to his crotch but not too much. It would be Kurt's call to explore the area, not his.
He undid his own shirt and watched Kurt's reaction with desire. Funnily enough, lust and sorrow seemed to make for a weird but effective mix on Sebastian. But he had Kurt's consent. He held onto that thought as fiercely as he could.
Seeing as Kurt's hands remained still on the exact same spot he had left 'em, Sebastian started unzipping Kurt's trousers. Kurt startled a little, but actually helped Sebastian and took 'em off himself.
Kurt did something then that surprised Sebastian. The boy threw his own trousers to the floor and undid the bed to get under the covers, holding them open for Sebastian to join him. Sebastian undid his own jeans and threw them as well, without hesitation. He followed Kurt to bed.
This time he didn't climb on top of Kurt. He lay next to him and threw his arms around the boy, caressing him with care. Sebastian couldn't help but smile at him. Kurt looked and felt so wonderful now around him...
Kurt kept making sure Sebastian's back didn't get cold with his own hands, and it was just too endearing. Sebastian bit Kurt's lip and rubbed his noses together playfully, getting more and more relaxed every second.
"Kiss me" Sebastian whispered right on Kurt's earlobe, then greeted it with his tongue. "Touch me too, don't be scared."
Kurt gasped a little as Sebastian lapped his ear, then tentatively ran his hand over Sebastian's torso and grabbed the waistband of his boxers. He stopped there.
"You probably have more experience than me with this" Sebastian chuckled under his breath, trying to ease the pressure and make Kurt feel more comfortable. "I mean, with guys and stuff."
Kurt smiled coyly. "I've only been with one guy in bed. I bet you've been with more than one or two girls."
Sebastian kissed him in the cheek. "Yeah, but you're my first in terms of boys" he smiled. "I hadn't even felt attracted to any guy before."
Kurt seemed incredulous. "You-… what? I'm your first?"
Sebastian nodded and searched for his lips. "I really like you, Kurt."
Kurt responded effusively. He kissed Sebastian back and held him closer. "I- I really like you too. I'd never liked someone so much before."
Sebastian didn't know how to take that, but he wouldn't make Kurt feel embarrassed for expressing his feelings. "Well, it's a good thing that we're here, then" he said, kindly.
To be continued... :)