Hey guys! Sorry it took forever to update this fic. I'm not sure where it's going yet, but I missed my Kurtbastian. Hopefully you'll find the grace to forgive my laziness u.u

P.s. Happy reading!

"Well, it's a good thing that we're here, then" Sebastian said kindly.

There was something fairly awkward about lying with someone almost naked in bed. I'm sorry, Kurt thought, but there just was it.

No matter how wonderful kissing Sebastian was, Kurt still felt quite self-conscious. He hadn't showered today after school, and so all he could think of was his smell. He wished he had changed his underwear too. Why he had chosen to wear the silly, Garldfield featured boxers was out of his understanding. Fate always found a way to screw him over, that was for certain.

But it wasn't even about that. What made it all just so ridiculously awkward was the fact that he, Kurt Hummel, a silly seventeen-year-old who had quit on the idea of finding someone worth his time on Lima a long time ago, was lying in bed with this incredibly attractive and passionate man, and he just could not believe it. They were lying in bed, kissing and touching each other.

Just like that, Kurt thought, somewhat insecure.

And how could he not feel insecure? Reality was too much to handle right now. Being devoured by Sebastian was just unreal. Literally, devoured. Sebastian's lips fought fiercely for every inch of Kurt's and it was so rewarding. Kurt could no longer remember feeling unwanted by him: everything about the way Sebastian grabbed his thighs and bit his mouth told Kurt how wanted he was. It was dizzying.

And Kurt wanted Sebastian back just as much, and had no need to hide it. His hand had slipped right under Sebastian's briefs more than once – as Sebastian's hand had done as well – and they both kept rubbing themselves against each other, almost as if Sebastian actually liked it, which was making Kurt lose his mind.

Sebastian locked eyes with him then and Kurt almost whimpered. Sebastian's face was all flushed, his eyes still reddish from his previous tears and his lips all swollen. He had never looked that naturally beautiful, and it was overwhelming. But also kind of unsettling: the sadness was still showing in his eyes, making him look so vulnerable it was (again) awkward.

Kurt didn't know what to do with himself. Sebastian's puffy eyes were fixed on him and it was making Kurt very self-aware of the fact that he was still jerking Sebastian off.

Sebastian's lips parted and a moan escaped his lips, really low. Sebastian closed his eyes for a moment and bit his lip kind of harshly.

Kurt was awed by Sebastian's reactions. There was a fierceness to it all that amazed and scared him at the same time. So he brought his free hand to Sebastian's lip and liberated it from its trap. Sebastian opened his eyes then and gave him a genuine, spontaneous smile. He looked calmer now. Calmer than Kurt had ever seen him before.

"Beautiful" Sebastian mouthed and smirked, making Kurt's heart skip a beat. He came face to face with Kurt then, and gave him a predatory look before going down on him.

Kurt felt Sebastian's tongue on his neck and bit his lip not to moan so fast. It was a very skilled tongue, and it licked his way down his chest, landing on a nipple. Sebastian sucked on his nipple playfully for a few seconds, then closed his lips and just kissed Kurt's torso instead. Kurt realized his body was buzzing with heat and threats of orgasm already.

Sebastian was actually all over him, both his hands cupping and caressing his face and neck. He bit Kurt's lip teasingly, pretending he was going for a kiss but then just biting instead, to the point that Kurt had to grab Sebastian's neck and bring him closer for a "proper" kiss, making Sebastian chuckled quietly.

Sebastian's erection was now out in the open, but Kurt was thankfully still wearing his underwear, and he felt kind of safe like that. He feared the moment he was completely naked. Even though Sebastian said there was "no rush", Kurt could feel himself accelerated. And Sebastian as well. I mean, the whole thing had been completely raced. They had only known each other for a week, after all.

Still Kurt knew he'd do whatever Sebastian asked of him. And it unsettled him how okay he was with that. Kurt felt like he shouldn't be that complacent, that passive. He wasn't like that in any aspect of his life. And yet…

Being with Sebastian, lying in bed, made him him feel limitless. Like water. He could shape and shift and adapt to the circumstances. Now the circumstances required him to be 'some arms'. And what was so wrong with being 'some arms'? Right now, Kurt could really not see it. Nothing was wrong. Au contraire. Everything was so, so right…

Kurt found himself on top of Sebastian, somehow. He caressed Sebastian's clavicles and observed his chest mesmerized.

"You can kiss away the pain, can't you?" Sebastian asked with a really warm smile. He looked so peaceful and yet so surprised to be feeling like that.

Kurt returned the smile. "I can?" He felt honored.

Sebastian nodded and sighed, relaxed. "You definitely can" he raised a hand and ran a finger over Kurt's lips. "Why don't you give it another go, if you don't believe me?" He provoked Kurt, cheekily.

Kurt chuckled and tried to bite Sebastian's thumb, playfully.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Sebastian murmured distractedly, his fingers still playing with Kurt's lips. "You're gonna wash my memory… you are."

Kurt startled a little. He forced himself to keep some focus. Sebastian didn't really mean that, did he? That was… kind of a lot of pressure.

Kurt climbed off Sebastian and lay beside him. Sebastian never seemed to mind his own words too much, but they were revealing.

Kurt felt Sebastian's arm around his shoulders then. Sebastian brought him closer and kissed his cheek. The boy rested his nose there and observed Kurt quietly for a minute or so.

"What do you want me to do for you?" Sebastian asked with a kind, soft tone. He was drawing circles all over Kurt's back.

Kurt looked at him confused. "What?"

Sebastian smiled calmly. "Kurt, you're very generous, but you can receive as well. I told you what I needed, so… now, what do you need?"

Kurt got a little bit nervous. This whole talk about needs. He didn't need anything! It was not about needing for him. And it was just so unsettling knowing it was all about needing for Sebastian. Sebastian just needed him to ease his grief. Was Kurt okay with that?

Also, Kurt kind of didn't want to see this side of Sebastian. I mean, he loved it; he loved the fact that Sebastian wanted to be generous too, but… that only made Kurt more aware of how little about love this was.

"I don't know" Kurt admitted, trying to put his shit together. Why did this have to be an arrangement of some sort? Sebastian had a way to kill his lovefool buzz… "I- uh… kind of have everything I want right now" Kurt looked down coyly, even though he didn't mean that.

Sebastian kissed Kurt's temple and his gaze got lost on the walls, not fixing in any particular place.

"Just know that I'm here for you. Hopefully I'll be able to notice when you need anything" he spoke calmly.

Kurt observed him amazed. What? What this the same guy who had shut him down repeatedly? The same guy who had told Kurt 'he was not that big of a mystery himself'? Even if Sebastian was still talking about some sort of trading… he seemed to care about Kurt's well being as well.

"You're serious..." Kurt went for a question but ended up stating instead. Sebastian seemed transformed.

Sebastian smiled at him like Kurt hadn't seen him smile before. It was intimate, trusting.

"I know I've been a jerk to you. But I haven't always been like that" Sebastian explained, apologetically.

They stared at each other for a few seconds in silence. Kurt wasn't sure he should lower his guard just yet around Sebastian, but he felt tempted to.

"Now…" Sebastian looked away and cleared his throat. "I should've asked this earlier, but…" he sighed. "Before we take things any further... Let's talk about that one guy you've been with."

Kurt frowned, taken aback. "What about him?"

Sebastian wasn't smirking, which was always a sign that he wasn't messing around. "Did you top? Did he? You guys switched?"

Kurt blushed. He felt uncomfortable. "Don't you think that's kind of private?"

Sebastian gave him an incredulous look. "Kurt" he said in a 'give-me-a-break' tone. "I'm just doing some field study, not prying around."

"Dear Gaga, field study" Kurt scoffed, nervously. "I wonder what you do when there is rush..." he said in despite of himself, because Sebastian wasn't actually rushing things at all. But the mere thought of sleeping with him made Kurt a little bit anxious. Sebastian hadn't been with a guy before… what if he hated it?

"Hey" Sebastian told him off softly, biting Kurt's neck. "I'm actually trying to be considerate here. I bet you must have your preferences, it's only natural. I've never bottomed, obviously, but I'm willing to try it if-"

"Oh my God, stop it" Kurt covered his ears, awkwardly.

Sebastian seemed really confused now. "Kurt, is sex out of the question?"

Kurt shivered. It wasn't like that! He wasn't that naive!

"It's not that" Kurt protested, slightly annoyed. "I'm not an idiot. We're in bed, I mean, I know what we're in for-"

"Hey, not wanting sex doesn't make you an idiot" Sebastian defended, stroking Kurt's belly in an attempt to calm Kurt. "That'd be perfectly okay. I was just asking."

Kurt regarded the man in front of him with disconcert. He wasn't sure he believed Sebastian. Would he really be okay if there was no perspective of sex whatsoever? Not that Kurt didn't want sex, he just…

"I've never said I don't want it!" Kurt couldn't help but feel irritated. "I just- God, doesn't that just happen? Why do we have to talk about it in advance?"

Sebastian gave him a somewhat bitter smile and looked down.

"'Cause you're a seventeen-year-old, Kurt. I need to make sure you're not giving in just because of the pressure. Besides, I would never touch if it wasn't consented, minor or not."

Kurt froze. Oh. So that was what this was about. He hadn't even thought about that, the fact that he was a minor and Sebastian an adult. The fact that what they were doing was, actually, illegal. Wow. That seemed so stupid. How could any of this be illegal?

He locked eyes with Sebastian then and realized he was worried. Sebastian was actually worried.

"Are you seriously concerned you're breaking the law?" Kurt asked, stunned.

Sebastian scratched his head, awkwardly. "I'm more concerned you think you're okay with us having sex but can't even discuss it out loud."

Kurt's stomach twirled funnily. Maybe it wasn't Sebastian's intent, but he was making Kurt feel small.

"If you're mature enough to have sex then you should also be mature enough to talk about it" Sebastian stated calmly, and Kurt tried really hard not to feel offended.

"Wow. Thank you for that. In case I wasn't feeling childish and inadequate already..." Kurt mumbled, looking away.

Sebastian sighed, tiredly. "That wasn't my intention, Kurt. I'm sorry." He sat up and put some distance between them, then looked around.

Kurt's heart ached. Was Sebastian going to leave already? Wow. How long had it been nice between them? Half an hour?

"Do you mind if I smoke?" Sebastian suddenly asked, interrupting Kurt's anxious inner monologue.

Kurt went from wanting to cry to pure relief. "No, not at all" he lied. He hated the smell of cigarettes. And the mere thought of that taking place in his own bedroom made him want to panic, but if that was the price to get Sebastian to stay, he would gladly allow it. "You're not leaving, then?" He couldn't help but ask, scared.

Sebastian regarded him surprised. His gaze softened and he gave Kurt a fond smile. "Of course not. I just want to calm down a bit. I don't wanna hurt your feelings when I'm actually trying to spare them" he sort of joked, his smile regretful.

Kurt grabbed him by the arm and gave him a quick, spontaneous kiss. He had no idea how else to say he wanted them to be okay.

Sebastian smiled. "Thank you."

Kurt shook his head, more relaxed now. "Don't thank me for that."

"I'll thank whatever the frack I wanna thank, petit" Sebastian joked, then stood up and grabbed his trousers. "I can't believe I didn't give you these back yet..." he kicked Kurt's sneakers distractedly.

"You should keep 'em" Kurt shrugged, feeling kind of warmer.

Sebastian chuckled. "You like that I wear your sneakers all the time, don't ya?" He asked playfully, somewhat cocky.

Kurt folded his arms, amused. Well this was a Sebastian he was more used to see.

"Yeah. I also want us to exchange friendship bracelets" Kurt rolled his eyes.

Sebastian grabbed a cigarette from a small package and sat right under the window to light it up. Kurt mentally thanked him for being thoughtful.

"I'm sorry I reacted like that" Kurt admitted, feeling more at ease now. "I uh- tend to get uncomfortable when people talk about sex. Or, more specifically, having sex with me" he added, trying to deal with the issue as naturally as he could. "It kind of- makes me..." Sebastian was staring right at him attentively, and it made Kurt feel naked. "Anxious."

"Duly noted" Sebastian nodded, understanding.

"Besides" Kurt decided to come clean. Better now than later. "You've never been with a guy before. What if you hate it? Or- what if just talking about it… gives you the creeps? I don't know..."

"What you need to understand, Kurt" Sebastian said kindly, "is that I don't care much that you're a guy. I guess I could question myself some more, but I don't have the energy. I just wanna be okay now. And somehow- this makes me feel okay."

"Oh" Kurt observed, feeling stupidly better. He made Sebastian feel okay? He doubted he would ever hear anything quite as wonderful. "That makes me happy" he said, dumbly, then blushed.

Sebastian smirked. He shook his head amused and gave the cigarette another puff. "You're so silly."

"Gee- thank you" Kurt chuckled, only partially annoyed.

Sebastian exhaled slowly and studied him with his eyes. It made Kurt feel naked again.

"So how many times you had sex with this guy? Was it more than once?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. So they were having this conversation… He sighed, defeated. Maybe he just needed to make an effort. Sebastian wasn't trying to tease him, after all. He was just getting to know him better, wasn't he? Kurt tried to convince himself of that. Although there was still a stupid little voice in his head that told him Sebastian was just trying to spare his own guilt for wanting sex with Kurt.

"Yes. Three times, to be precise" Kurt gave in. "Although the first one shouldn't probably count..."

Sebastian looked only partially surprised. "So twice." He bit his lip nervously.

"This is not fair" Kurt stood up and sat in front of Sebastian. "I'm seventeen. You can't make me feel bad because I only had sex three times" Sebastian opened his mouth to protest, but Kurt stopped him. "No, I know that's not your intention, but you are judging my experience. Can't we both part from zero here?"

Sebastian didn't seem to know what to say. He regarded Kurt blankly and put out the cigarette.

"You don't make the rules, you know" Kurt smiled at him, cheekily, "you can't choose not to question why you don't care about my gender, but care instead about my experience or age. I can't change any of those. Why should we question it, then?"

Sebastian's lip curled up with incredulity in a mischievous side smile.

"You are a smarty-pants, aren't ya?" He joked, then attacked Kurt's mouth without a warning.

Kurt held his breath, taken aback, and barely managed to return the kiss until Sebastian wrapped his arms around his waist and took them back to bed, unexpectedly.

"It's been a long day" Sebastian explained, then grabbed his boxers from the floor and turned off the light. "It's almost two" he said as he got under the cover, turning to Kurt, "and I don't wanna keep messing with your sleeping schedules."

It took Kurt a second or two to take that in. Sebastian was acting unusually thoughtful tonight. It was almost as if this sweet side of him had awaken with their first kiss… But no, Kurt knew better than to fantasize like that.

He grabbed the duvet and covered both Sebastian and himself, but mainly Sebastian.

"Okay" Kurt didn't even think of fighting Sebastian on that. Not that he stood any chance against Sebastian's stubbornness, but still. There was so many emotions Kurt handle per night. And also, he was starting to realize that he might not be ready to have sex with Sebastian yet, for a lot of reasons.

"Couldn't care less about my schedules, though" Kurt joked.

Sebastian rested a hand on Kurt's side and stroked it affectionately. They fell in a comfortable silence for a minute or so. Everything seemed so easy when they were in silence…

"I missed sleeping with you" Kurt admitted, coming a little bit closer. "I like it."

Sebastian nuzzled him, chuckling quietly. "That makes two of us" he sighed, relaxed.

"Liar" Kurt argued playfully.

Sebastian found his way to Kurt's neck and rested his head there, smiling softly. He didn't argue back, which unsettled Kurt only slightly. It might be that Sebastian was too tired to talk, but silence was an answer as good as any. If anything, it proved Sebastian's intentions might not be exactly humble and righteous, and the whole thing was meant to be tainted.