(This letter was written by a guest! Still awesome.)
Dear Professor McGonagall,
I wouldn't even included that, 'cept Sammy said it was rude to just start a letter like this...
Let me make myself clear: Sammy's done some research on your so-called 'school' and it sounds about as safe as the inside of an occupied Devil's Trap. Harry's gonna stay here with me and my dad where he'll be safe and actually learn something about staying alive.
He ain't going to your pathetic old castle and if you come near either of my baby brothers I'll shoot first, ask questions later.
Dean Winchester, age 12
P.S. I know something about the asking questions part. Ask your headmaster how he likes salted holy water.