Vance took a breath and focused on E.J. once more, "Your uncle…and your father," He turned his eyes to Ziva, "Are and were a part of that group. We all are in different ways, you just don't realize it."
"After the poker game…the one where you were left out," Gibbs began piecing some things together, "The SecNav, a man you now say is a part of this group… showed up in my basement. Told me to follow you. Said that you were going to be spear heading a major operation against our friends…the Israelis with Ziva being the center of the issue as the unorthodox Mossad Liaison." He stare intently at Vance with an accusatory tone, "Less then 48 hours later, you put us all on a plane to Israel, saying Tony had to take one for the team with Director David. Spoke with the man and then Ziva meets us on the tarmac suddenly wanting to stay behind. So what the hell was that all about, Leon? What role did you play this time in furthering their gain with her?"
"I told you the chair was big once, Gibbs." Vance answered with a bite to his own tone, "I learned pretty quickly the best way to survive was to play both sides against the middle. I had no idea at the time what they really wanted with Ziva. They were playing me to get her back to Israel. Casting doubt on her real intentions within NCIS so that I'd no longer trust her and want her gone."
"They wanted her back for the program." Gibbs realized what he meant and how he'd been played that night by the SecNav as well. They'd wanted Ziva back for this program all having a hand in it. "You knew what Eli was planning on doing with her when we left Israel. He wanted her back for something bigger and you were going to let it play out and see what that was…"
"Yeah, only I had no idea that I was the one being played instead. When the SecNav told me Ziva was sent on Orders from Eli to kill Ari and to gain your trust in the process, and that she'd actually followed through with it and had been the one to kill him... Of course I wasn't going to trust her, Gibbs, if she could kill her own brother!" Vance fired back in anger to justify what led him to making that decision. "Her whole point in doing so was to gain our trust! And I wanted her gone. Not because I didn't like Ziva but because I didn't trust Eli or his ability to get her to do whatever he'd wanted! Who her loyalty really belonged to! Them or us!"
Ziva was paling considerably to hear Vance speak and reveal her long held secret of being the one to actually kill Ari. Her eyes had caught with McGee's and then E.J.'s watching them both widen in shock and then horror to learn the truth.
"You…killed Ari?" McGee asked slowly finding his mouth going dry and rubbing his hands up and down his thighs nervously where he sat. "You killed your brother on Orders to gain Gibbs trust?" He felt bile rising in the back of his throat.
"It's not like that, McGee." Tony grabbed his wrist and stopped his arm from moving, trying not to get him to go down this road as he had. "She didn't kill him on Orders."
"But you did kill him? You were the one to kill your brother, not Gibbs?" McGee asked again wanting to hear the truth from Ziva.
"Yes." Ziva answered quietly feeling the new tears in her eyes seeing his reaction. She never wanted him to learn the truth like this. She had planned to tell him in time as well as Abby and Ducky and Palmer but never like this. "I was the one to kill my brother. I had to. He would have killed Gibbs."
"You knew about this?" McGee looked immediately to Tony with eyes widening that he hadn't known but apparently Tony had. "How long? How long have you known?"
"I told him the truth after learning what my father had done and the truth behind his motivations. He wanted me to kill my brother to further my own training and breakdown." Ziva answered quietly, "I did not kill my brother on those orders, McGee. I took the assignment trying to save him. I did not believe the charges against him until I saw for myself that he was about to kill Gibbs. I had no choice! I had to kill Ari!"
"Then why did you lie for her? Why not tell the truth then?" McGee looked over to Gibbs searching for answers. "Why did you take responsibility for killing him if she had?"
"I was trying to protect her. I didn't want her to face retribution from Mossad for killing one of their own in an effort to save me." Gibbs answered, "I had no knowledge at the time she had been given Orders to kill him to gain my trust."
"But she did gain your trust. You trusted her right away. I mean, that was pretty obvious to both Tony and I how quickly you trusted her." McGee narrowed his eyebrows, "So it worked. She killed Ari to save you and then you trusted her."
"Tim," Gibbs inhaled a deep breath shaking his head.
"When did you learn the truth? About her Orders?" McGee asked him wanting to know when it was that everyone else learned the truth that had still been kept from him.
"I informed him as soon as our plane landed back on US soil. Without Mossad Liaison Officer David." Vance answered speaking boldly and with conviction for his choices then, "He wanted to leave her desk open, hoping she would realize who she could trust and come home. I informed him of what I'd learned about her mission inside NCIS and that we'd been played by Eli. That it was a waste of time to wait for her to return. That she only ever played him and that his faith in her was false. Gibbs said he still believed in her and her allegiance to NCIS. I said if that were true, she'd end up serving us well inside Mossad. He said that if I were the one that was right about her father, we'd never see her again." He inhaled a long exaggerated breath trying to control his emotions and slow his anger, "We were both right. Ziva was loyal to NCIS and under her father, we would have never seen her again. She disappeared into the desert supposedly dying on the Damocles. Whoever Ziva David had been would have stayed dead, just as they wanted. We'd all been played and by the time I realize that, Ziva was already neck deep in trouble. That's why I okay'd you and DiNozzo to go to Somalia. I knew she was there and I was tired of being used. Tired of them using all of us for their gains."
"Excuse me." Ziva couldn't take anymore already on emotional overload and needed to step away. Her fears for the day were certainly founded. It wasn't even 8:00 A.M. and already she'd learned that Director Vance had wanted her dead, told Gibbs to stand down and let them kill her, had devastated Ezra with a blinding truth about her father, sliced her hand open that still needed stitches, learned Cobb only spared her to send a message that he knew what they wanted her for and now devastated McGee with the truth about Ari, seeing the horror in his eyes that she had actually killed her own brother. She needed a minute alone to process, as it was getting more and more difficult with all the mounting information and situations to compartmentalize with the relentless hits. Her emotions were just beneath the surface these days and fragile to exposure. She didn't want or wait for anyone to follow and quickly moved away.
Tony was about to get up and follow her when Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, giving a slight headshake to say no. She needed a minute alone to process. That' was why she was stepping away in the first place.
"I wasn't aware Agent McGee didn't already know the truth." Vance added softly feeling badly as they all watched Ziva disappear down the hall. "I'm sorry, Tim. E.J." He acknowledged them both.
"Yeah, well…its not something she likes speaking about, Leon." Gibbs sighed walking towards the glass windows standing with hands on hips and looking out into the sea. Upset that Ziva was upset yet again. "You weren't there. I was. I saw the look on her face that night at having to kill her own brother. Heard her voice crack as she sang the prayer over his body. Watched her breakdown in the same basement when she returned from Somalia and I confronted her about her orders that I could ever believe she'd kill her own brother on simple Orders. You weren't there." He turned his head sharply to Vance now standing by his side. "There is nothing casual about this, Leon. He was her brother and she loved him."
McGee felt his heart skip a beat in his chest and become heavy listening to Gibbs speak. For Gibbs to be this upset and have this much faith in Ziva, there was a reason. He was right. They weren't there. Who were they to judge what she'd done and how she'd kept it to herself all these years? Ari may have been a killer to them, but he was her brother first.
Everyone had fallen into silence and walked back towards the front rooms hoping to find Ziva after several minutes. They waited for a long while in the sitting room when Ezra once again appeared to say that the escorts for Lady Ziva and team had arrived to take them to Mossad. Asa was with them and met them in the Foyer.
The broke off into teams and went looking for her thoroughout the massive house. Gibbs had purposely paired himself with McGee wanting a few moments to speak with him alone after learning what he had about Ziva. And intentionally put Tony with Vance knowing they needed to find a way to work cohesively together if they were going to get anything done. E.J. and Asa went off in another direction.
"It's hard on her, McGee." Gibbs spoke as they began checking the upstairs rooms in the Right Wing of the house. "She never meant to hurt you by not telling you. This is not something easy to talk about." He paused, "Maybe especially to you, knowing that Ari had originally targeted you that day instead of Kate. I think she feels guilty for loving him and believing in him."
"He was her brother." McGee answered quietly looking down as they trudged down the hallway. "You can't help but love your family." He opened the door to the next bedroom and stopped in his tracks. "Tali's room." He realized speaking in a breathless whisper. The room looked as though it were frozen in time. The way any teenage sixteen-year-old girl's room would look. He remembered his sister at the same age as having nearly the exact same kinds of things going on. Posters on the wall of her favorite bands and movies. Goodlooking actors she'd cut out of magazines taped to her mirror. In this case, it was Armageddon and Titanic, 'NSync and The Backstreet Boys. Her favorite childhood stuffed animal still lying on the bed, well worn and tattered and photos taken with her friends literally every imaginable space, cut out and collaged together on tack boards. One single photo was framed on her nightstand.
McGee picked it up and couldn't help but smile. It read Friends Come and Go…But Sisters Are Forever. And inside the frame, a photo of Ziva pulling Tali's head towards her kissing her hair while both had raging smiles. It reminded him of the photo just taken of Ziva doing the same to Liat at his Birthday Party. He sighed deeply carefully placing it back on the nightstand, "She'd already lost her sister. No wonder she fought so hard for Ari." He spoke quietly to Gibbs as they left the room. "Why she won't quit until Liat is safe."
Ziva wasn't even consciously aware of where she was walking to until she ended up sitting on the edge of Ari's bed. When she looked up she realized where she was. In her brother's room, frozen like her sisters in a time capsule.
The staff had always been instructed to clean their rooms as normal but to keep everything exactly as it had been left by them with the exception of making her sister's bed. Tali never liked to make her bed. It had driven their mother crazy. Ari on the other hand, was always very neat and tidy. Almost obsessive-compulsive in his need for order and structure. A place for everything and everything in its place.
A few things from Ari's childhood with them adorned the shelves but since he was much older then Tali when he left the house, his room was more refined. More mature reflecting that of a college boy. His bookshelves filled with not only his favorite literary novels but also from the courses he'd taken during his Undergraduate Studies as well as Medical School. He had alternated his time staying with them and his mother across the border in those days. The framed photos he did possess in his room were of his beloved sisters as ever the vigilant big brother.
Ziva picked up the photo of she and Ari from his nightstand. She had just graduated from school. Ari's arms were wrapped tightly around her wearing a large pride filled smile. Tears slipped down her cheeks in silence remembering that day and the look on his face when her bullet pierced his forehead.
Her back was to the door when they found her sitting like that on the edge of the bed. Looking around the room, Gibbs and McGee quickly gathered that this was Ari's room from the photos and very college boy feel it carried. They saw Ziva reached up to wipe her face and knew that she was lost in another time to not even hear them.
Gibbs nodded for McGee to go ahead, knowing he needed to speak with her and quietly bowed out, going to find the others that Ziva had been found and McGee would bring her along shortly.
"Ziva," McGee quietly approached the bed, her eyes flashing up startled to his and he saw the photo in her hands. "Hi." He smiled softly at her taking a seat beside her on the bed. "Are you okay?" He asked genuinely concerned for all she'd been through and was continuously experiencing.
Ziva nodded and quickly wiped at another falling tear she was now trying to hold back. Her eyes falling back to the photo in her hands before placing it back on the nightstand. "He was my brother, McGee." She spoke quietly trying to make him understand that she could never simply kill him on Orders. Hoping to erase some of the horror she saw in his eyes from his mind at the thought. "I loved him." She wiped at another tear staring at the photos, "Just as I love you." Ziva reached her hand over and found his, giving it a squeeze and maintaining holding it though not looking at him. "I had to kill him or…he had become the monster my father created. I had to." She swallowed hard with voice shaking from the emotion.
"I know." McGee answered letting go of her hand to put his arm around her and pull her into his side as a hug. Ziva's head dropped onto his shoulder and he rested his cheek against the top of her head. "I am sorry for the way I reacted… I just… wasn't prepared to hear that from Director Vance." He sighed, "I trust you, Ziva. With my life." He kissed the top of her head and heard the small intake and cry of breath from her, "I love you too."
"You are…the only brother… I have now, McGee." Ziva spoke quietly wanting him to know. "I do not care what most people think of me…but I do care, how you see me. What you think of me."
McGee felt himself getting choked up, "This does not change how I feel about you, Ziva. Or what I think of who you are. To me, it only proves…that you are exactly the same person I've always known you to be. Willing to do whatever was right to protect the ones you love."
Ziva turned and embraced him fully, wrapping her arms around him completely and hugging him tightly. "Thank you." She whispered over his shoulder closing her eyes in relief.
They were holding hands when they found the rest of the group waiting for them at the bottom of the staircase in the Foyer. Both smiled softly with head nods of acknowledgement to Gibbs that everything was okay between them before letting go.
"Ziva," Asa greeted her with kisses to both cheeks, "We should get going." The poor man still looked as though he hadn't slept. "Malachi wants you to wear this in." He reached down beside him and pulled a lightweight Kevlar vest from the duffle on the floor. "Said he's not taking any chances with your heart this time." The barest of smiles flashed across the man's lips as he handed it over. "And before you protest, he said these were his Orders if you are to enter Mossad Headquarters once again."
Ziva had been about to protest but saw the thankful look in all the men her life's eyes at the idea. She closed her mouth before replying and simply nodded her acceptance.
It was the kind that was to be concealed beneath her clothing and at this point, they'd all seen her wearing little to nothing else in the days since her surgery, with maybe the exception of Asa and Director Vance, neither of whom she cared anymore if they saw her standing before them in her bra or not. She was too tired to care at this point. A few eyes widened as she unbuttoned her shirt standing there in the Foyer and handed it over to E.J. before picking up the vest again. Tony helped her undo the strong Velcro given her limitations with her hand. Together they fastened it tightly around her.
They'd all seen glimpses of her scars here and there but this was the first time they were all seeing them, with the exception of Tony, so up close and fully exposed with the exception of what was hidden beneath her bra. Which wasn't much given that most of her damage was below that line or above it. From the bullet holes, to the electric burns like giant claw marks wrapping around her rib cage and the cigarette burns on her jutting pelvic bones where her pants were slung low on her hips, to the long and widening scar down her chest, all of these things screamed one word to them. Survivor.
Gibbs eyes caught with Vance's across the space with Ziva between them as Tony helped her get back into her shirt. A clear understanding passing between the two. Gibbs had been right about Ziva. She was stronger then Vance had given her credit for and capable of withstanding a lot more then most could ever endure. He needed to stop doubting her, and start supporting her. And Vance's tiny head nod to Gibbs was an acknowledgement of that very understanding.
"Did you know that Liat was my sister? That Tali had a twin?" Ziva asked Vance looking up as she tucked her shirt flap into the front of her jeans. What happened with Ari was now firmly tucked away again into its compartment and she was back in mission mode wanting answers about how this came to be with her sister.
"Only after your father brought her to Washington for the conference. I knew she had to have meant something to him to chose her as his personal body guard and pay her such special attention. My counter-intelligence training could not be ignored then. Given her name, Liat, literally means, you are mine and is an anagram of Tali, his other daughter who was also the same exact age as Liat… I looked into it further and learned the truth. Not only of her real parentage but also his intentions with her and The Council. In putting her into the Hashshashini Project." Vance answered honestly suprising them all with what he'd revealed. "When your father and Kazmi abolished their training program, I had hoped that she like you would be safe from further harm. He had regretted what was done to you by then and had no intentions of continuing on with Liat to the project."
"So my father was aware you knew who Liat really was?" Ziva asked as they piled into the SUVs, her getting behind the wheel once more. E.J. had gone with Asa in his so that Gibbs, Tony and McGee could all cram into the car with Ziva and Vance. None of them willing to leave her side as they made way for Mossad Headquarters.
"I believe so, yes. Though we never actually acknowledged it verbally. I had a letter sent to me after his death, Ziva. By his attorney." He spoke quietly looking out the window and then to her having her full attention, "In it he asked that I not only look after your best interests as I had proven to before with the Somalia Op. But also for Liat and that should she ever cross our path again, to not let you two kill each other," He smiled softly remembering hearing about their fight at the synogogue, "But instead, find a way to force you to spend time together and when ready, reveal who you were to each other. When I'd learned that she'd become your own personal bodyguard after the shooting, I knew I didn't need to force anything. Fate was taking its hand." He sighed heavily looking out the window again, "I never expected Bodnar to ever take her as a means to you. When I heard that he had… I knew I had to help."
"Because you felt you owed it to my father." Ziva answered as his reasoning looking away and thinking about the letter he'd left to the Director, knowing they were friends.
"No," Vance shook his head gaining her attention again, "Because I felt I owed it to you." He was quiet a long moment simply staring into her big dark eyes, "I left you to the wolves one too many times, Ziva…and I'm sorry. I won't stand by and do it again. Gibbs was right. I was wrong. You are stronger then I ever gave you credit for. Stronger then your father ever gave you credit for. You have my trust…and you have my respect. I will do what I can to help you."
Ziva couldn't speak, just nodded quietly once in acceptance of his apology and started the vehicle. She flipped her shades down to cover her eyes, hoping to hide the welling tears as she led the way, tearing off down the winding drive way.
"How are you, Asa?" E.J. asked quietly being the only two alone in his car with a single guard riding silently in the back seat. She had been concerned with his silence as he'd barely spoken a word since learning that Liat had been taken. Not on the flight back to Israel and not as they searched the house for Ziva. He was just as silent now on the drive and could only imagine what the once bubbling, full of life and smiles man was going through to cast him into such silence.
Asa ignored answering her question and focused on something else, "I had no idea that Ziva was hiding such scars beneath her clothing. The chest incision, I had seen of course given her neck line but…" He swallowed hard finding it difficult to even speak of, "I had no idea about the others. Liat told me she had scars from her time in that camp… I just had no idea what that really meant."
"They take nothing away from how incredibly beautiful she really is." E.J. added quietly, her eyes flickering to the city passing by so full of life in the light of day with people busy and going about their day. She too thought back to a time before she knew what Ziva had hidden beneath her clothing. Realizing how little people can really know each other, even after knowing them for some time. The secrets they keep. She's kept many of her own. The SecNav being her uncle just one of them.
"No, of course not." Asa immediately spoke up shaking his head, "Ziva is and has always been one of the most beautiful women I've ever known. Even with the scars. It's just…I've never seen scars like that…from torture, on a woman before. I had seen similar scars on Malachi for instance but never…It's just different to see them on a woman. As a man, it is…unfathomable to me that another man could do such a thing to a woman. Hurt her in such a way. It goes against my every instinct to protect women. To me, they are sacred. Their bodies are sacred and for someone to do that to her…" He swallowed hard again, the lump in his throw growing and threatening to undo him. "I can't imagine how she survived. I am afraid of what Illan will do to Liat…if he is capable of such things already against Ziva."
E.J. reached across the armrest and found his hand, squeezing it tightly in silent support. Asa had voiced out loud the same thoughts and concerns that she had about her dear friend Liat. Afraid of what the madmen would do to her given what he'd already done to Ziva. "We will find her, Asa. We will." She assured him and herself with a steady head nod.
When Ziva pulled to a stop in the undergroud-parking garage after another harrowing journey though the city with her driving, she shut the car off and turned around looking only at Tony. Gibbs saw the look passing between them and nodded silently for McGee and Vance to get out with him and give them a moment alone. The last time these two had entered this building was the last time they'd ever spoken and it hadn't ended very well. Nor had it the second time Ziva was inside having been shot with a long-range sniper rifle.
As soon as they were alone in the car, she reached for Tony's hand between the seats. Tony leaned forward to hold her one hand with both of his, encasing it safely inside and taking comfort in feeling the sharp edges of her engagement ring poking into his palm.
Neither of them needed to say anything to understand what the other was saying. They held onto each other, looking into each other's eyes for a few moments longer before leaning forward meeting each other between the seats and kissing. Softly at first and then more firmly when Tony gripped the back of her head and neck to pull her closer. Both pulled away at the same time and rested their foreheads together slowly their rapid breaths and pounding hearts; each having a hand now resting against the others's neck with thumbs grazing the skin below their ears trying to offer comfort to one another.
"Are you ready?" Tony asked in a whisper feeling Ziva's warm breath against his lips, feeling her heart pounding through her pulse against his palm on her neck.
Ziva only inhaled a long shaking breath and then pulled back, giving him a small confident smile before turning and reaching for the door.
Malachi greeted them standing with the others the moment they exited the vehicle. "Good morning, Ziva. Tony." He acknowledged them both with soft smiles, kissing Ziva's cheeks. "I have secured the perimeter with our people posted at every possible sniper position within the entire radius of the building. People's access to you will be extremely limited and you are never to be alone at any time. Not even to use the restroom. I'm sorry for the invasion of privacy but I must insist." He spoke in Hebrew quite rapidly to her.
"I understand, Director." She addressed him given their location inside Mossad where he was now the Director. "I will do whatever you say. I trust you with my life." She looked him deeply in the eye, giving a slight head nod that said she did not blame him for the lapse in protocals last time that left her with a bullet piercing her chest. It was also to say that she forgave him yet again, for his betrayal in leading her into hell in that desert on her father's orders and that the past was now behind them. They were working towards the same goal now. Finding Liat. Nothing else mattered.
"What happened to your hand?" Malachi asked immediately picking up her hand wrapped like a glove with fluffy white gauze and knite eyebrows of concern.
"I was cut across the palm with a shard of glass. I will need several stitches. I knew I could get those here so I didn't bother before." Ziva spoke quickly in Hebrew once again, blowing it off as nothing to worry about.
"Please come with me." Malachi gave her a soft nod of acknowledgement and led the way.
Tony stood quietly in the background, letting Ziva take point and not interrupting while Malachi was explaining what they had learned which was next to nothing new. Every question that was raised for him, Ziva also asked having their minds so insync being trained by Gibbs and saw Gibbs smiling softly with pride beside him at the way Ziva was conducting herself and asking the right questions. McGee too, wore a smile of pride as they all remained steadfast behind her. Offering her their silent support and a wall of protection, always standing behind her, never letting anyone have a clear shot again of shooting her in the most cowardly way of shooting her in the back.
Malachi put them all to work going over whatever intel they were able to collect, wanting fresh pairs of eyes to comb through what they'd already looked at in case they'd missed something. So far nothing was standing out.
Tony sat down on the cement wall surrounding the tree in the common space courtyard in the middle of Mossad Headquarters. He needed to get outside. Breathe fresh air. The concrete bunker type atmosphere and all the information about everyone they knew who was helping Bodnar to kill Ziva was too much. He needed a break as it was beginning to feel suffocating.
The last time he'd seen this tree it was still fairly young, growing still but now stood much taller. Much stronger. His eyes flickered around the surroundings. People were milling about, glancing every now and then at the stranger and speaking in hushes whispers, some with smiles and others with looks of sadness. Everyone was aware of who he was. What his presence meant among them. They knew he was engaged to Ziva David, former Mossad Officer and heir to the Director's position. They'd all witnessed her horrific farewell speech in declining the proverbial throne. Something many of them could not even fathom which only added to their curiosity about him and the life she could ever turn down such a title for.
It was a beautiful day outside. Slight breeze, blue skies with a few wisps of clouds and he looked up into the sunshine, letting its warmth flood him as he closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths to calm his rattled nerves. He wasn't sure how long he was sitting like that when he felt another body slide in and sit closely next to his own. The scent of her perfume that wafted across his nose and the hand on his thigh made him smile.
"How did you get down here?" He asked before even opening his eyes and finally turned to look at her.
"Gibbs walked me down to the door. Once I saw you, he set me free." She answered with soft smile.
Tony only smiled wider to see her beautiful face. The stray stands of her dark hair flickering across her face in the breeze. "Set you free?" He asked at her word choice, reaching up to tuck the wayward strands behind her ear. "Do you consider yourself a prisoner here?" His smile fell immediately, thinking about what he said and where they were at. What had happened to her the last time they were both in this place and where she ended up. As a prisoner in Saleem's camp. And now Liat, a prisoner as well. "Sorry, poor timing."
"It is alright, Tony." She used her fingers to turn his face back up to hers. Knowing exactly what his thoughts were. Her mind had gone there too. When she saw him give her a soft nod of forgiveness, she dropped her hand and her eyes to look at the spont of concrete where she had last left him. Directly in front of them now with both eyes fixated on it. "I am so sorry about that day. For what I said. For what I did." She apologized thinking about crashing him back hard onto the concrete after he'd just told her that he risked everything for her. It wasn't something she wanted to hear at the time.
"I'm sorry too. For goading you to attack me. You were already hurting. I shouldn't have provoked a response from you that you weren't ready to give." Tony sighed deeply, leaning forward on the wall with fingers gripping tightly to its edges to keep him from falling. "I was so blind to the real reasons you were upset." He shook his head thinking of what he had accused her of. Being upset that he'd bested Michael in a physical fight instead of what it really was to her. One of the heart. One where he could show her all the ways he really felt about her with his actions but could never follow through and just tell her.
"We both made mistakes that day, Tony." Ziva sighed taking a deep breath and mimicking his posture on the wall.
"We made a lot of mistakes before that day. At least I know I did." Tony reached up scratching his head with a rapid fire of all the ways he'd hurt her with words and actions through the years racing through his mind.
"I did too." Ziva acknowledged, not letting him take all the blame. "I could have come out and just told you how I felt first. I didn't."
"Why didn't you?" Tony asked turning his head to look at her again. Unable to not smile inspite of the seriousness of the conversation given how beautiful he thought she looked in this moment.
"Because I thought…if you weren't ready to say it, even if I knew you felt it…then you were not ready to hear it either, Tony." Ziva answered him honestly. "If you had realized that day that I was speaking about loving you…and not Michael, would that have changed the way we left things? Would you have stopped me from staying?"
"Did you want me to stop you from staying?" Tony asked quietly going for the deeper meaning of what she wasn't asking or saying.
"I asked you first." Ziva responded, directing him back to her question and not letting him avoiding answering questions about his own feelings.
"Fair enough." Tony nodded with a soft smile. She never let him get away with avoidance these days and he was grateful for it. He could count on her to get him to speak about what was really important. "Honestly… " He wiggled the toe of his shoe into the pavement staring at the ground and remembering the way Ziva's gun felt firmly pressed into his chest, "Had I realized that you were speaking about being in love with me…no," He looked up at her, "I think I would have mulled it over. Believing we would have had time to work things out once we got home. And I would still have been just as shocked that you didn't get on the plane with Gibbs to react any differently then I had then. I would have likely thought about it and you the entire way home, just as I did except…" He trailed off staring directly into her beautiful brown eyes.
"Except what, Tony?" She asked softly with heavy heart to hear him say that even then, nothing would have changed. He wouldn't have stopped the plane and demanded she come with him as she'd hoped he would. Never realizing until he had asked her that question, in this moment, that was what she had hoped would happen. That he would give her a reason to come back to. Forgive her for what she had done. The way he was looking at her now had her heart starting to pound.
"Except, as soon as the plane landed and I came back to NCIS…saw your desk empty and heard Abby, and McGee and Palmer all asking where you were…instead of answering with a flippant response about you eating breakfast given our time differences… I would have run for the elevator and boarded the next flight to Israel." He gave her a small smile, "At least, I like to think I would have had enough courage then to do that. Course, I probably still would have tip-toed around actually answering your direct questions even if I turned up here again. I would have just given you clever one liners that hinted at how I felt because I wouldn't know exactly how deeply I did love you without losing you. As sad as I am to say it," He looked down in shame, "I never realized how much you actually meant to my life and how much I needed you, Ziva… until I thought I lost you for good." He shook his head softly staring at the spot on the cement again, "I knew that I loved you the last time we were both here. I just honestly thought I'd lost you already the moment you shoved your gun into my chest and I could see how upset and hurt you were. I realized in that moment, that you loved him. That's why I said it out loud."
"I wasn't upset about him in that moment, Tony. I was upset about you. About us." Ziva stood with a sigh of frustration rubbing her temples as she paced forward and Tony followed. "I knew I loved you too the last time we were both here. I just thought it was too late. That too much water had gone under the bridge for either of us to ever recover. That this was something we would never be able to get past with Michaels' death between us."
"Ziva David, did you just use an idiom correctly?" Tony asked whirling her around in his arms with a soft smile, standing over their very spot she once had him pinned to the ground.
"Tony," She smiled unable to help herself and shook her head slowly.
"Zi-" He began but she shushed him with a single finger to his lips, not finished saying what she wanted to say.
"Let me finish, please." Ziva asked and he nodded softly against her finger to his lips before she let it fall, still standing impossibly close. "I knew that is what you assumed I meant. That I was speaking of possibly loving Michael. I had already felt so betrayed and confused, When I went inside, my father demanded that I rectify the situation that I had created. That it was my fault that Michael had died because of how I felt for you and my waivering allegiance to him. I made the decision to stay when I was emotional and…" She took a deep breath looking down at Tony's chest, "When Gibbs didn't even try to talk me out of staying…and you all just left me standing on the tarmac. I was hurt and angry. Even if in hindsight, I knew it was justified what had happened. I just felt all the more guilty for what I had done. For betraying you all even further and for what had happened to Michael. My life was over as I saw it. I did not care what happened to me after that. But I did care what happened to you. That is why I asked my father to leave you be. Tha I would take responsibility for Michael's death and avenge his loss with my own death, not yours. He agreed as my last wish."
Ziva palmed her bandaged hand over his heart, "Honestly, knowing what I know about him now and how he had manipulated the entire thing… I cannot believe he actually listened to me and did not harm you. If something had happened to you, Tony," Her eyes slowly looked up into his and revealed her unshed tears, "They would not have needed to break me in that camp. I would have already been broken."
Ziva heard something whiz by her ear that sounded like a bee and then stung her face. Her hand instantly flying up to her cheek and hissed when she touched it pulling it away revealing bloody fingers.
Tony's eyes widened looking at the bright red line of blood racing across Ziva's cheek and when he moved his hand in the next instant to touch her cheek felt the sharp pain in his upper left chest radiating out near his shoulder and gasped.
Both his eyes and Ziva's in the same instant, flashing down to where her hand lay over his heart to see a bright red spot of blood forming through his shirt just under her hand, soaking out from beneath her fingers and saturating her once white bandages. Tony gasped again and felt his knees buckling, swaying towards Ziva with wide-eyes.
Ziva pushed back against his chest as he swayed fast and heavy into her, feeling the immediate radiating pain shoot through her hand and up her arm in trying to hold his weight up. She saw the look in his eyes and heard his gasp of breath. Her eyes flashed to her hand and seeing the hole blown through her gauze, she immediately pulled her hand back seeing the hole continuing into Tony's chest.
"Tony!" She screamed in terror realizing what had happened the moment Tony started going down.