DISCLAIMER: I OWN NEITHER HARRY POTTER NOR FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!
Chapter Twelve
Sunday evening, Ron had received an owl from Percy saying that he wanted Ron to stay away from Ed and Harry. It was past midnight and Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Al were the only ones in the common room.
"Well," Harry said, after reading the letter and trying to sound as though he found the whole thing a joke, "if you want to - er - what is it? Oh yeah - 'sever ties' with me, I swear I won't get violent. I don't know about Ed though. He might beat you up a little."
"Give it back," Ron said, holding out his hand. "He is -," Ron said jerkily as he tore the letter in half, "the world's" - he tore it into quarters - "biggest" - he tore it into eighths - "git."
He threw the pieces into the fire.
"Don't worry, Ron, he'll come around," Al assured.
"When Snape washes his hair," Ron remarked.
Then as Hermione started to help with his and Harry's Astrology homework, Ed and Winry came into the common room.
"Where were you two?" Hermione demanded, looking up.
Ed and Winry blushed.
"Winry was just checking my auto-mail," Ed said.
"At midnight?" Hermione asked skeptically. "And your hair is wet."
"It's none of your business of what we do!" Winry snapped. "And Alphonse, what are you doing up?"
"I'm not a child," Al said. "So stop treating me like one."
"Sorry, Al," Winry apologized.
"That's okay, Winry," Al said.
"Sirius!" Harry said.
Harry was in front of the fireplace. Everyone went to the fireplace to see that it was, indeed, Sirius's head in the fireplace.
"I was starting to think you'd go to bed before everyone else had disappeared," Sirius said. "I've been checking every hour."
"You've been popping into the fire every hour?" Harry half-laughed.
"Just for a few seconds to check if the coast was clear yet," Sirius said.
"But what if you had been seen?" Hermione asked anxiously.
"Well, I think a girl - first year by the looks of her - might've got a glimpse of me earlier, but don't worry," Sirius said. "I was gone the moment she looked back at me and I'll bet she just thought I was an oddly shaped log or something."
"But Sirius, this is taking an awful risk - !" Hermione began.
"Oh, don't worry so much," Winry scolded.
"Yeah, the best discoveries come from people who take risks," Ed said.
"That's the spirit," Sirius said. "Besides, Hermione, you sound like Molly. This was the only way I could come up with of answering Harry's letter without resorting to a code - and codes are breakable."
Ed, Al, Winry, Ron, and Hermione looked at Harry.
"You didn't say you'd written to Sirius!" Hermione accused.
"I forgot," Harry admitted.
"What are you, Hermione, his wife?" Ed asked.
Hermione blushed in outrage.
"Ed's right, Hermione," Harry said. "Besides, there was no way anyone would have got secret information out of it, was there, Sirius?"
"No, it was very good," Sirius smiled. "Anyway, we'd better be quick, just in case we're disturbed - your scar."
"What about - ?" Ron began.
"We'll tell you afterward," Hermione interrupted. "Go on, Sirius."
"Well, I know it can't be fun when it hurts, but we don't think it's anything to worry about. It kept aching all last year, didn't it?" Sirius said.
"Yeah, and Dumbledore said it happened whenever Voldemort was feeling a powerful emotion," Harry said, ignoring Ron and Hermione's winces. "So maybe he was just, I dunno, really angry or something the night Ed and I had detention."
"Or maybe he just found out that red eyes aren't in," Ed remarked.
Hermione and Winry glared at him.
"It was a joke!" Ed said. "Yeesh."
"Well, now that Voldemort is back," Sirius said, grinning at Ed's joke, "it's bound to hurt more often."
"So, you don't think it had anything to do with Umbridge touching me when I was in detention with her?" Harry asked.
"You do know how that sounds, don't you?" Ed asked, then shouting after Winry hit him on the head with a wrench, "Damn it, Winry! Did you have to do that?!"
"I doubt it, Harry," Sirius said. "I know her by reputation, and I'm sure she's no Death Eater."
"She's foul enough to be one," Harry vented.
"Yeah, she's a bitch, but the world isn't black and white, Harry," Al said. "There aren't just two types of people."
"Alphonse is right," Sirius agreed. "The world isn't split between good people and Death Eaters, though - you should hear Remus talk about her."
"Does Lupin know her?" Harry asked.
"No," Sirius said, "but she drafted a bit of anti-werewolf legislation two years ago that makes it almost impossible for him to get a job."
"Poor guy," Winry said.
"What's she's got against werewolves?" Hermione asked angrily.
"They're half-breeds," Ed spoke up. "She doesn't like any half-breeds. She tried to pass a law on trying to round up mer-people and have them tagged."
"How did you know that?" Sirius asked.
"I read it somewhere," Ed shrugged.
"So, what are Umbridge's lessons like?" Sirius asked. "Is she training you all to kill half-breeds?"
"No, she's not letting us use magic at all," Harry said.
"All we do is read from the boring as hell book," Ed complained.
"Ah, well, that figures," Sirius said. "Our information from inside the Ministry is that Fudge doesn't want you trained in combat."
"Trained in combat?!" Harry asked, incredulously. "What does he think we're doing here, forming some sort of wizard army?"
"That's exactly what he thinks you're doing," Sirius said, "or rather, that's exactly what he's afraid Dumbledore's doing - forming his own private army, with which he will be able to take on the Ministry of Magic with Amestris's help."
At this, Ed burst out laughing.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Ron commented, "including all the stuff that Luna Lovegood comes out with."
"So, we're being prevented from learning Defense Against the Dark Arts because Fudge is afraid that we'll use spells against the Ministry?" Hermione raged. "Edward, shut up!"
Ed stopped laughing.
"Yep," Sirius confirmed. "Fudge thinks Dumbledore will stop at nothing to seize power. He's getting more paranoid about Dumbledore by the day. It's a matter of time before he has Dumbledore arrested on some trumped up charge."
"No matter where you go, the government is still the same," Ed scowled.
"Sirius, d'you know if there's going to be anything about Dumbledore in the Daily Prophet tomorrow?" Harry asked.
"I don't know," Sirius answered. "I haven't seen anyone from the Order all weekend, they're all busy. It's just been Kreacher and me here…"
There was a note of bitterness in his voice.
"Have you heard anything about Hagrid?" Winry asked.
"Ah…," Sirius said, "well, he was supposed to have been back by now, no one's sure what's happened to him. But Dumbledore's not worried, so don't get yourselves in a state; I'm sure he's fine."
"But if he was supposed to be back by now…," Hermione worried.
"Madame Maxime was with him, we've been in touch with her and she says they got separated on the journey home, but there's nothing to suggest he's hurt or -," Sirius started.
"Dead?" Ed completed.
"No, he's not dead," Sirius said. "Just don't go asking too many questions about Hagrid. It'll just draw more attention to the fact that he's not back, and I know Dumbledore doesn't want that. Hagrid is tough, he'll be okay. How is your alchemy class?"
"Teacher's crazy as usual," Ed said.
"She's not crazy," Al said. "She's just…"
"Awesome," Ron said. "She beat Malfoy up for comparing magic with alchemy! She is kinda scary though."
A few minutes later, Sirius's head disappeared from the fireplace.
"Well, you sure didn't offend him," Ed remarked.
"He needs to stay where he is so he will be safe!" Hermione defended.
"Whatever," Ed said. "Come on, Al, let's go to bed."
The next morning, Ed spit out his pumpkin juice as he saw the headline of Hermione's Daily Prophet and the picture of Umbridge that was under it.
MINISTRY SEEKS EDUCATIONAL REFORM
DOLORES UMBRIDGE APPOINTED FIRST-EVER "HIGH INQUISITOR"
"Let me see that," Ed said, grabbing it from Hermione.
Ed started to read it to himself.
In a surprise move last night, the Ministry of Magic
Passed new legislation giving itself an unprecedented
Level of control at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and
Wizardry.
"The Minister has been growing uneasy about goings-on
At Hogwarts for some time," said Junior Assistant to the
Minister, Percy Weasley. "He is now responding to
Concerns voiced by anxious parents, who feel the school
May be moving in a direction they do not approve."
This is not the first time in recent weeks Fudge had used
New laws to effect improvements at the Wizarding school.
As recently as August 30th Educational Decree Twenty-Two
Was passed, to ensure that, in the event of the current head-
Master being unable to provide a candidate for a teaching
Post, the Ministry should select an appropriate person.
"That's how Dolores Umbridge came to be appointed to
The Teaching staff at Hogwarts," Weasley said last
night. "Dumbledore couldn't find anyone, so the Minister
Put in Umbridge and of course, she's been an immediate
Success, totally revolutionizing the teaching of Defense
Against the Dark Arts and providing the Minister with on-the-
Ground feedback about what's really going on at Hogwarts."
It is this last function that the Ministry has now formalized
With the passing of Educational Decree Twenty-three, which
Creates the new position of Hogwarts High Inquisitor.
"This is an exciting new phase in the Minister's plan to get to
Grips with what some are calling the "falling standards" at
Hogwarts," Weasley said. "The Inquisitor will have powers to
Inspect her fellow educators and make sure that they are coming
Up to scratch. Professor Umbridge has been offered this position
In addition to her own teaching post, and we are delighted to say
That she has accepted."
'Of course,' Ed thought to himself.
The Ministry's new moves have received enthusiastic support
From parents of students at Hogwarts.
"I feel much easier in my mind now that I know that Dumbledore
Is being subjected to fair and objective evaluation," said Mr.
Lucius Malfoy, 41, speaking from his Wiltshire mansion last
Night. "Many of us with our children's best interests at heart
Have been concerned about some of Dumbledore's eccentric
Decisions in the last few years and will be glad to know that the
Ministry is keeping an eye on the situation."
Among those 'eccentric decisions' are undoubtedly the
Controversial staff appointments previously described in
This newspaper, which have included the hiring of werewolf
Remus Lupin, half-giant Rubeus Hagrid, and delusional
Ex-Auror 'Mad-Eye' Moody. Now, there is a new Alchemy
Teacher by the name of Izumi Curtis. Not much is known
About her except that she is from Amestris. Not to mention the
Addition Of Major Edward Elric of Amestris to the student
Population And his girlfriend and 'Auto-Mail' mechanic
Winry Rockbell.
Rumors abound, of course, that Albus Dumbledore, once
Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of
Wizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, is no longer
Up to the task of managing the prestigious school of Hogwarts.
"I think the appointment of the Inquisitor is a first step toward
Ensuring that Hogwarts has a headmaster in whom we can all
Repose confidence," said a Ministry insider.
Wizengamot elders Griselda Marchbanks and Tiberius Ogden
Have resigned in protest at the introduction of the post of
Inquisitor to Hogwarts.
"Hogwarts is a school, not an outpost of Cornelius Fudge's
office," said Madam Marchbanks. "This is a further disgusting
Attempt to discredit Albus Dumbledore." (For a full account of
Madam Marchbanks' alleged links to subversive goblin groups,
Turn to page 17.)
"Should've known," Ed said, folding up the newspaper and tossing it to Hermione. "I'm not hungry anymore."
Then Ed left. Al and Winry left after him as Hermione read the article to Harry and Ron.