DISCLAIMER: I OWN NEITHER HARRY POTTER NOR FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!
Chapter Thirteen
In History of Magic, Al and Hermione wrote notes in History of Magic while Harry, Ron, and Ed stared off into space. And in Potions, Ed and Al each got an 'E' on their moonstone essays. And after lunch was Divination for Ed, Al, Harry, and Ron. As soon as the group sat down, they saw Professor Umbridge emerging through the trapdoor in the floor. The class, which had been talking cheerily, fell silent at once. The abrupt fall in the noise made Professor Trelawney, who had been wafting about handing out Dream Oracle, look round.
"Good afternoon, Professor Trelawney," Umbridge said with her wide smile. "You received my note, I trust? Giving the time and date of your inspection?"
Trelawney nodded curtly and, looking very disgruntled, turned her back on Umbridge and continued to give out books. Still smiling, Professor Umbridge grasped the back of the nearest armchair and pulled it to the front of the class so that it was a few inches behind Trelawney's seat. She then sat down, took her clipboard from her flowery bag, and looked up expectantly, waiting for the class to begin.
Professor Trelawney pulled her shawls tight about her with slightly trembling hands and surveyed the class through her hugely magnified lenses.
"We shall be continuing our study of prophetic dreams today," Trelawney said in a brave attempt at her usual mystic tones, though her voice shook slightly. "Divide into pairs, please, and interpret each other's nighttime visions with the aid of the Oracle."
She made as though to sweep back to her seat, saw Umbridge sitting right beside it, and immediately veered left toward Parvati and Lavender, who were already deep in discussion about Parvati's most recent dream. As Ed and Al opened their books, Ed watched as Umbridge rose from her seat after writing notes and began to pace the room in Trelawney's wake, listening to her conversations with students and posing questions here and there.
"Okay, Al, tell me what you dreamed about," Ed said. "You know, just in case Dump truck comes over here."
"But I did it last time!" Al protested. "You say one this time!"
"Fine," Ed scowled. "I dreamt that I beat the shit out of Mustang."
Al rolled his eyes as he looked through the book.
"We've got to add your age to the date you had the dream, the number of letters in the subject…," Al said.
"My dear," Trelawney said to Ed, "why so violent?"
"He pisses me off," Ed said. "Him and the Fuhrer, but I can't beat up the Fuhrer so Mustang is the best choice."
Before Trelawney could say anything, Umbridge spoke up.
"Now," Umbridge said, looking up at Trelawney, "you've been in this post how long, exactly?"
Trelawney scowled at Umbridge, arms crossed and shoulders hunched as though wishing to protect herself as much as possible from the indignity of the inspection. After a slight pause in which she seemed to decide that the question was not so offensive that she could reasonably ignore it, she answered.
"Nearly sixteen years," Trelawney answered.
"Quite a period," Umbridge said, making a note on her clipboard. "So it was Professor Dumbledore who appointed you?"
"That's right," Trelawney said shortly.
Umbridge made another note.
"And you are a great-great-granddaughter of the greatly celebrated Seer Cassandra Trelawney?" asked Umbridge.
"Yes," Trelawney said, holding her head a little higher.
Another note on the clipboard.
"But I think - correct me if I am mistaken - that you are the first in your family since Cassandra to be possessed of second sight?" Umbridge asked.
"These things often skip - er - three generations," Trelawney said.
"Of course," Umbridge said sweetly, smiling widely while taking down more notes.
"That's been known to happen, you know," Ed said.
Trelawney gave Ed a small smile.
"Of course, dear," Umbridge said, trying to pat Ed's head.
"Don't touch me," Ed said.
Umbridge turned to Trelawney.
"Could you just predict something for me then?" Umbridge asked.
Trelawney stiffened.
"I don't understand you," Trelawney said.
"I'd like you to make a prediction for me," Umbridge said very clearly.
Everyone in the classroom was watching.
"The Inner Eye does not See upon command!" Trelawney said in a scandalized tone.
"I see," Umbridge said softly, making another note on her clipboard.
"You don't have to be so mean!" Al spoke up.
"I am not being 'mean', Mr. Elric," Umbridge said, softly. "I am just doing my job."
After Divination, Ed and Al were the first to leave.
"You've got to calm down, Al," Ed told Al as they went on their way to Defense Against the Dark Arts.
"I'm sorry, Brother, but…," Al started.
"I know, Al," Ed said. "I just don't want you to get detention with that bitch. We have waited too long to get your body back, I don't want you to have words carved into your hand like mine."
Al nodded.
"But you have to promise not to get any detentions from her either, Brother," Al said.
Ed sighed.
"I'll try my best, Al," Ed said. "Let's get to class."
As promised, Ed kept his cool during Defense Against the Dark Arts unlike Harry who had gotten another week's worth of detention. The next morning, Angelina Johnson had griped out Harry and ten points was taken from Gryffindor. When Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ed, and Al had gotten to Transfiguration after Charms, they had seen that Umbridge was sitting in a corner with her clipboard.
"Excellent," Ron whispered, as the group sat at a table. "Let's see Umbridge get what she deserves."
Professor McGonagall marched into the room without giving the slightest indication that she knew Umbridge was there.
"That will do," McGonagall said, and silence fell immediately. "Mr. Finnigan, kindly come here and hand back the homework - Miss Brown, please take this box of mice - don't be silly, girl, they won't hurt you - and hand one to each student -."
Umbridge cleared her throat but McGonagall ignored her. Ed and Al got their essays back and grinned at each other once they saw that they both got an 'O' grade.
"Right, then," McGonagall said, "everyone, listen closely - Dean Thomas, if you do that to the mouse again I shall put you in detention - most of you have now successfully vanished your snails and even those who were left with a certain amount of shell have the gist of the spell. Today we shall be -."
Umbridge cleared her throat again.
"Yes?" McGonagall asked, turning around, her eyebrows so close together they seemed to form one long, severe line.
"I was just wondering, Professor, whether you received my note telling you of the date and time of your inspec-," Umbridge started.
"Obviously I received it, or I would have asked you what you are doing in my classroom," McGonagall said, turning her back firmly on Umbridge . "As I was saying, today we shall be practicing the altogether more difficult vanishment of mice. Now, the Vanishing Spell -"
"Hem, hem," Umbridge cleared her throat.
"I wonder," McGonagall said coldly as she turned to Umbridge, "how you expect to gain an idea of my usual teaching methods if you continue to interrupt me? You see, I do not generally permit people to talk when I am talking."
Umbridge looked as if she had been slapped and started scribbling furiously onto her clipboard as McGonagall continued to talk.
"As I was saying, the Vanishing Spell becomes more difficult with the complexity of the animal to be vanished," McGonagall said. "The snail, as an invertebrate, does not present much of a challenge; the mouse, as a mammal, offers a much greater one. This is not, therefore, magic you can accomplish with your mind on your dinner. So - you know the incantation, let me see what you can do…"
At a bit past midnight, Harry came back to the common room where Hermione and Ron were waiting up for him with essence of murtlap tentacles. Crookshanks jumped onto Harry's lap. A few moments later, Hermione brought up the idea of Harry teaching her and Ron and other people Defense Against the Dark Arts.
"Get Ed to do it," Harry said.
"I've already talked to him about it," Hermione said. "He doesn't want to do it, neither do Alphonse or Winry."
"Why not?" Harry asked. "Ed is just as good as any of us."
"He knows, but…," Hermione started.
"But what?" Harry asked.
"He said he doesn't want to teach 'a bunch of whiners how to defend themselves when they should learn how to themselves'," Hermione said.
"What did Al say?" Harry asked.
"He said he wants to concentrate on his homework," Hermione said. "And Winry said that she has more important things to think about, like Edward's auto-mail maintenance. And she sort of yelled at me when I told her that there are more important things than auto-mail."
"More like screamed," Ron muttered.
Hermione glared at Ron. Hermione and Ron continued to try to talk Harry into teaching people Defense Against the Dark Arts until Harry yelled at them. Afterwards, they went to bed one after the other.
Izumi wasn't evaluated until when Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ed, and Al had her on that Friday.
"All right," Izumi said, looking at her class with her hands on her hips. "Have you all gotten the concept of the Muggle Periodic Table? Edward, get your feet off the table!"
Ed, whose feet were on the table, sighed and put his feet onto the floor. Al smiled. Then Umbridge cleared her throat. Izumi looked at Umbridge who was standing at the back of the class.
"Yes, Professor Umbridge?" Izumi asked.
"Did you get my note telling you the time of your inspection?" Umbridge asked.
"Of course I did," Izumi said. "Or else I would have thrown you out."
Umbridge scribbled on her clipboard.
"She is being hypothetical, isn't she?" Hermione whispered to Ed and Al.
"No, she actually means it," Al whispered.
"STOP TALKING!" Izumi snapped at Hermione and Al.
Hermione and Al winced.
"Now, today, we will start going over the different kinds of Alchemy," Izumi said. "By different kinds, I mean -."
"Hem, hem," Umbridge said.
Izumi closed her eyes and then opened them again.
"WHAT?!" Izumi asked.
"Are you a certified teacher?" Umbridge asked.
"OF COURSE I AM! I have taught Edward and Alphonse when they were just children," Izumi said. "And Edward was chosen to be a State Alchemist because of his skill. Fuhrer Bradley wanted me to be a State Alchemist, but I've always declined."
"I see," Umbridge said, taking notes.
"By different kinds," Izumi continued, "I mean by different cultures. Where Edward, Alphonse, Winry, and I are from, there is more than just one type of Alchemy. For Xing -."
"Where is Xing?" Umbridge asked. "And what is it like?"
"Xing is a country to the east," Izumi explained. "It is like 'Asia', 'China' to be more specific. Now, SHUT UP!"
Umbridge scribbled violently on her clipboard.
"Has Professor Dumbledore explained to you that you need to wear -?" Umbridge started.
"WHAT I WEAR IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN!" Izumi bellowed. "YOU EITHER SHUT UP OR GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CLASS!"
Umbridge turned red in anger and wrote so fast that Harry thought that her hand would fall off.
"In Amestris…," Izumi continued.
At the end of class, Ed, Al, Harry, Ron, and Hermione stuck around to see Umbridge questioning Izumi.
"So, how long have you known Alchemy?" Umbridge asked.
"That is none of your business," Izumi answered.
"How long have you taught Alchemy?" Umbridge asked.
"The only people who have learned Alchemy from me before I took this post are Edward and Alphonse Elric," Izumi answered.
"What do you think of Professor Dumbledore?" Umbridge asked.
"He's pretty strange, but he's a good man," Izumi answered.
"Very well," Umbridge noted. "You will receive the results of your inspection in ten days' time."
"I can hardly wait," Izumi remarked. "NOW GET OUT!"
Umbridge turned on her heel and stormed out.
Then Izumi went to where Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ed, and Al were.
"You had better go," Izumi said. "I don't want you all to be late for your next class."
Ed and Al grinned at Izumi and she smiled back.