[ Zoro brace urself ] Zoro's phone buzzed on the bedside drawer. He rolled over and looked at the screen. It was Ace.
[ What ] He typed out, mildly irritated.
[ Luffy lost a bet yesterday. Passed 2 u ]
[ fuck ]
[ GOOD LUCK ]
[ FKING LUFFY ]
[ KILL HIM 2NITE. HE GOT U OFF WORK AGAIN ] Zoro groaned, giving up on text and dialled Ace.
"Yo." The amused voice came through.
"I can't skip work again! They're keeping their eyes on me so I can't just fuck up. Tell Luffy to go be a man and take his own bet losses." There was a pause before Ace answered.
"Do you really like your job that much?" Zoro flinched. He couldn't say yes. He hated it but if quitting meant he had to go back to the club… Ace rolled over Zoro's hesitation. "Look, I know you stopped fighting and I'm not going to ask why," he added hearing Zoro's sharp intake of breath, "but you should consider getting yourself a better job than that factory bullshit you're doing right now."
"I can't. I don't have all those degrees and whatnot you got."
"I can help you."
"No thanks."
"Zor-"
"Tell Luffy I'm not coming and thanks for your help man, but really, I'm not willing to move anywhere," Zoro said with finality before hanging up, ignoring the cries of protest from his friend. He sighed, rolled over and tried to resume his sleep.
"Hold him down!"
"Roger!"
"What the fuck?" Zoro snapped his eyes open, only to see a bag descend on his head and obscure his vision. He struggled violently against the tight grip that locked his arms. A quick blow to the back of his neck had him slipping into unconsciousness.
Zoro stirred to the feeling of suffocation. He wriggled his limbs, only to find his wrists and ankles tightly bound. He couldn't see.
"Ze fuh?" was the best he could mumble through his mouth gag. There was no reply, just the purring of an engine as the person, whoever they were, drove him to wherever. He scoured his brain to think of the most recent account of pissing off a person. But no one came to mind, they were all weaklings, too afraid to even look at him in the eye so, he had no clue as to who the hell would kidnap him. He didn't have much money, nor a high position. Unless… they wanted his swords?
Then he was really fucked.
But then again, they could have just taken his swords. It wouldn't have been that difficult and there was certainly no need to kidnap him and drive him out to some place. He sighed, puffing hot air into the already stuffy bag. This sucked. He would just have to wait it out, so in the meantime, sleeping would be a good idea to pass time.
He must have slept for too long because when Zoro woke up, he was in a room, unbound. It was full of weapons and armour, which confused him because no interrogation room would need armour. It looked like it lead to a long hall. He got up, stretching his stiff muscles.
"Yo." Zoro jerked, whipping his head to locate the owner of the voice.
"Cook?"
"Yeah." Sanji was sitting on the floor, calmly smoking the cigarette.
"What the fuck is happening?" Zoro groaned, rubbing his neck.
"It looks like Luffy is dumping his betting loss on you."
"So?"
"They kidnapped you and brought you here." Zoro cracked his knuckles, peeved. Then he made his way past Sanji to the door. "What are you doing?" Zoro's hand stopped on the doorknob
"Going."
"You're already a few hours late into your shift, if you're thinking of going." Zoro thumped the door, cursing. Fuck, he was going to lose that job.
"Look, just stick this out," Sanji reasoned. "It shouldn't be hard."
"No."
"There's no big shots tonight so-"
"I know what this place is!" Zoro interrupted. "It's changed a lot but you can't trick me!"
"I didn't trick you, Luffy did."
"It doesn't matter, I'm leaving." He opened the door.
"Why? Afraid to lose to some no name goons?" Sanji turned to call after him. Zoro grit his teeth.
"Shut. Up."
"Oh come on. They even brought your swords." Zoro froze. No. No. No. What were they going to do to him? Humiliate him? Display him fighting idiots after his loss? He didn't want to hold those swords and they had no right to force him! His breath shuddered and his hands shook. "Hey are you alright?" Sanji held back Zoro's arm.
"What are you doing to me?" Zoro yelled, voice cracking and shaking Sanji off. "I hate this! I never wanted this! Don't go around fucking thinking of making me fight!"
"How's it my fault? Go whip Luffy's ass when you're done!" Sanji shouted back.
"I don't want to be done with this! What else did they tell you? About my pride as a swordsman? My fucking loss that left me nearly a cripple for a year? Did they spill about how I lost so bad I didn't want to fight again?!"
"No, no they didn't," Sanji stuttered, taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
"Stop fucking lying!"
"I'm not lying alright?"
"And how would you prove that?" Zoro spat sarcastically. "By charming me?"
"Fucking hell Zoro, I'm serious here! I don't know what you're talking about. They didn't tell me anything." The chef held out his hands. He sighed. "Look, if you don't want to then just leave. I don't get your deal but I can find someone else."
"Good." And with that, Zoro left the room.
"Shit," Zoro breathed, coming to a stop at the same door he left for the fifteenth time. Or was it seventeenth? How was he ending up here?
"Shit." He heard a voice inside the room. It must be that cook. "Damn that shitty swordsman. I'm going to be in trouble." Zoro slid up to the door, pressing his ear against it. "They're no bigshots but there's no way I can take down three of them. I wish they hadn't changed the rules with this." He heard a sigh and some shuffling. The door swung open and Zoro stumbled into the chest of a surprised chef. The cigarette in Sanji mouth toppled to the ground.
"What are you still doing here?" the chef said, frowning as he fended off the swordsman from making bodily contact.
"I ended up here every time." Sanji looked at him for a moment before bursting into laughter.
"You got lost?" he cried. "It's a fucking straight hall you incompetent moron!"
"Shut up!" Zoro yelled, feeling his cheeks flame. "The walls fucking move!"
"The walls fucking moved?" the blonde shrieked. "I'd like to see that!" He slumped against the wall, clutching his sides. Zoro could do nothing more than watch and try to keep an impassive face. Finally, after an eternity of unnecessary laughter, the cook straightened up to wipe tears from his eyes. "You're ridiculous you know?"
"Shut up."
"I haven't met anyone who could get lost down a strai-"
"Shut up! Do you want me to kick your ass?"
"Is that a challenge, stupid marimo?"
"Marimo?" Zoro blinked.
"Are you serious? You never made that relation between that and your hair?" Sanji's mouth hung open.
"You're fucking annoying shit-cook!"
"I've never met someone who could make me laugh one minute then annoy the fuck out of me the next!" Sanji laughed.
"You're just the annoying part!" Zoro thrust his face into Sanji's.
"Have you made me laugh? I don't fucking think so. I was laughing at you, not with you." Sanji's hot breath expelled onto Zoro's face as he ground his forehead in. "You kept me waiting for a long fucking time."
"Did you need a rescue Mr Prince? Oh wait, I should change that to Miss Princess."
"What was that, national treasure?"
"Prince of Dumbass Kingdom."
"Seaweed brain."
"Really?" Zoro scoffed.
"Yeah, it's when the marimo on top of your head grows roots and takes over your brain, turning you into a fucking idiot," Sanji said, adding ridiculous emphasis on the last two words.
"I'm turning dizzy." Zoro broke their forehead contact and stumbled.
"What? What's wrong?"
"I looked into your curly eyebrows." Zoro smirked and waited for his insult to sink in.
"What the fuck?" Sanji yelled, officially pissed off.
"Mr Prince and the Demon, please move into the waiting areas." A voice in loudspeaker echoed down the hallway.
"It's time to go. Thank your demon god that they interrupted us because otherwise your ass would be sticking out of that wall right there."
"Your ass would be carved out of your body and put on display."
"The fuck?"
"Yeah, people would fuck it." Zoro couldn't resist the dirty retort.
"What the fuck?! That's fucking nasty shithead!" Sanji's voice rose. He stopped. "Not bringing your swords?" Zoro clenched his fists. "Bring them along. You don't have to use them." Seeing no reply, he added, "It's that or I'll be carrying them and smelting them down in the kitchen fires."
"Fuck you." Sanji grinned as Zoro scooped up his swords and grabbed a black sash from a random hook on the wall. He tore a little square off and tied it around his arm.
"They set up a kitchen for our fight you know? So it's perfectly plausible." Sanji turned and resumed down the hall whilst Zoro bused himself in fixing the swords on his hip.
"If you get more than five bruises or cuts, you will become my punching bag." Zoro hurried to catch up to him.
"Hmph. Fine but you get more than five bruises or cuts, you're going to become my kitchen slave."