Nia's head rolls on the ground.
The Ice Queen's head rolls on the ground and silence falls. It is surreal, unbelievable, like a way too long awaited deliverance.
Lexa pushes the queen's body to the side and stands with difficulty. She waits a few seconds for the air to fill her lungs again before yelling "The head of your Queen fell !" she locks eyes with as many people as she can, making sure her words, determination, and power sinks in "You are now under my direct command ! Lay your weapons down or you will be executed for treason !"
The silence that follows is deafening, heavy, and Lexa can feel her heart hammering in her chest. 'That's it' she thinks. This is the moment they had all feared, the moment fate would decide if she lives or dies. At least Clarke would be safe she thinks. Because nobody knows they were together for sure. Because even if they believe Clarke was a part of the plan then Lexa would fight back long enough for her to run away. Or so she hopes. She hopes Clarke will run away, hopes she won't try to save her life, hope she won't be the woman Lexa loves when the decisive moment comes.
A squishy noise resounds and Lexa's grip on the hilt of her sword tighten as her head snaps to the side. She expected a warrior in fighting stance. She finds a kneeling man, his weapon on the ground. Lexa's heart stops and second blade hit the muddy ground, then a third, a spear, daggers, bows started to fall all around her as dozen of warriors were kneeling down reverently.
Then comes the cheering. A woman right in front of Lexa whispers "Heda." timidly, then a man repeats louder and soon they are all chanting "Heda ! Heda !" as if the commander had never disappeared, as if Lexa had never lost, as if everything was falling back into place.
It is too strong, too familiar, too overwhelming and Lexa smiles. She raises her bloody sword in the air triumphantly and scream "Jus drein, jus draun !" The crowd stands and cheers and follow Lexa as she repeats "Jus drein, jus draun !" each time louder, the words pleasantly burning her dry throat as they break free after so long, so many years of being held captive.
When Lexa's lungs starts to burn from the lack of oxygen, she lowers her sword and breathe, her chest heaving, sweat and Nia's blood running down her neck, eyes wide in pride and contentment.
All of this, the ice queen dead, her glory, her victory, her rank, her place, Lexa owes all of them to one person. Her smile grows larger as she turns back "Clarke we wo-"
"WATCH OUT !"
The next thing Lexa registers is the unpleasant feeling of her side violently meeting the ground, splashing mud all over herself. She groans and sits, eyes tightly shut as she brings a hand to her temple. She is deaf and her head pounds but she finds the strength to look around her. She spots Octavia on her left. The girl seems panicked, mouthing thousands of words Lexa can't hear. Lexa's eyes drift lower and she sees Kolah. The young warrior is pinning him to the ground and she pities the poor boy, born from the wrong mother. Until she sees it. Until she recognizes Nia's smirk stretching the boy's lips. Until her eyes fall onto the bow in his hand. Until finally her gaze follows the direction Octavia is pointing.
It takes her what feels like an eternity to regain any kind of control on her body but when she does she screams "CLARKE!" She crawls to her squirming body a few feet away from her and she kneels next to her, her trembling hands hovering over her side, her eyes searching for something she doesn't want to find.
But she does. She sees the long piece of wood piercing through the coughing girl's chest, its feathers in the girl's back and sharp metallic point emerging on her front, inches on the left.
"No..." Lexa cracks out and Clarke coughs, spitting blood in front of her.
"My back-" the blonde says feebly and Lexa leans down to hear her better "Break arrow."
Lexa doesn't take the time to think and obeys. She breaks the arrow and rolls Clarke on her back. The blonde coughs again and more blood escapes her mouth but she raises her left hand and Lexa catches it quickly. Trembling lips meets darkened skin. She kisses the ring-like tattoo she has inked in the pale's digit's flesh not so long ago and whines. Her voice is shaking when she says *Hang on Clarke, Luna is coming with healers, they'll fix you.*
Clarke smiles and Lexa drowns in her soft eyes, in those eyes reminding her that it's how the sky is supposed to shine not like the dark grey crying one pouring it's warm tears above them.
"Lexa-" Clarke breathes out with a smile as she guides her hand to Lexa's face and cups her cheek "You did it."
The brunette shakes her head as she feels her eyes sting stronger than ever before "Clarke-"
"You saved our people."
The blonde's breath is whistling, and if she concentrates enough Lexa is sure she could hear the air escape her damaged lungs through the hole the arrow made. "Don't talk. Please, Luna is coming." Lexa tries but it's vain. Her weak, empty words cannot fool anyone, not even herself and her heart sinks deep when Clarke shakes her head slightly.
"I'm proud of you." the blonde's thumb brushes off the first of many tears from Lexa's cheek as she says "It's ok Lexa. Death is not the end."
*No ! No Clarke ! Please !* Lexa pleads. Pleads to Clarke, pleads to the gods, pleads to anything that could change her love's fate. "Please stay ! I promised-" Lexa snorts inelegantly and smiles poorly "I promised Selina I'd bring you back." But the blonde keeps shaking her head, her eyes soft and smiling but her lips twisting, fighting against the fear and sadness consuming her. "I told her- I told her about you you know ? About us, about everything. You can't leave Clarke."
"I'm sorry Lexa." the blonde answers in a sob as a tear escapes the corner of her eye. "I'm sorry..." She sobs and Lexa's vision is blurry but she doesn't blink. She keeps her tears in her eyes, let them blind her to the freezing truth lied on the ground at her knees, blind her to the pale skin and bright red steam of liquid staining Clarke's perfect lips. But strength leaves the cold hand on her cheek and Lexa intertwines their fingers to keep it there, keep the soft palm on her face, where she has wanted it so many times. "But I'll be back Lexa."
*No Clarke please...* finally she blinks and what she sees is horror and a tired smile.
"Lexa. My spirit will find you." Lexa shakes her head, biting her lower lip as snot runs down past her mouth to her chin. "I'll find you Lexa. Wherever you are." Clarke says with a warm smile that falters immediately as she turns her head to the side to spit out a way too important amount of blood. She takes her time to catch her breath and her voice is weak when she says "I can't believe if you don't. Make me believe Lexa, tell me you'll wait."
Lexa whines but nods. "I promise. I'll wait for you to find me. I will wait until I die and in my next life and all those to come, I will wait until you find me Clarke." she promises, voice broken but somehow, somehow it sounds firm and determined and true.
"Good." Clarke states, smiling *Now kiss me.*
Lexa takes a deep breath, releases Clarke's hand and leans down, her body answering before she can even process anything, before Clarke's words even reach her brain. She leans down and kisses her. Her lips meet Clarke's and time stops. Lexa is back in time, back in that tent in which she had found the courage she had lacked this past year. Why ? Why is she realising it now ? Now that it is too late ? Now that Clarke is dying. She feels her body becoming heavier with each second passing, each second screaming her she should have kissed Clarke hundreds of time every day since she had fell in that river.
Clarke breaks the kiss with a weird sound Lexa wants to believe is a chuckle "Your thoughts-" she breaths "-so loud." she smiles "We can't rewrite-" spits blood "-but try catch up."
Thick tears fall on Clarke's cheeks right under where Lexa's eyes are looking into the girl's pale blue ones. *I am so, so sorry Clarke... I should have been- I should have been brave.*
Clarke closes her eyes and nods slowly "But you-" she pants "haven't." She pauses to choke out more blood, spiting some onto Lexa's already stained face. When Clarke's eyes open again, they're absent, lost somewhere Lexa can't see. "You're beautiful." she moans and Lexa sobs hard, loudly and snorts. "Till. The end. Kiss-" Clarke breathes out before choking again.
Lexa closes the distance once again for what she now knows is the last time.
She kisses Clarke. Kisses her like she should have centuries ago. Kisses her for all the times she was too weak, an idiot too afraid to open her heart to the woman she loves. Kisses her because she loves her, loves her more than she has ever loved anything, loves her like she will never love again. It tastes like copper and salt, like tears and blood but it is sweet. It tastes like end but it will linger. It's a farewell but it is not and Lexa's eyes are tightly shut as she repeats in her head how much she loves the girl, how much she loves Clarke.
Eventually, Clarke's movements slow down and stops.
But Lexa keeps her lips there.
She kisses Clarke until the end and more.
Kisses her even after any kind of tension is gone in the body underneath her.
Kisses her even after the warmth has left the bloody mouth.
Kisses her even after she has sucked the last breath of air from Clarke's damaged lung.
"Lexa." a hand touches her shoulder but the commander doesn't move "Lexa it's over."
Over.
It is over.
Lexa pulls back and is afraid to open her eyes. She doesn't want to see but she has to. She has to look at her, at that face she wished she had mapped with her lips earlier. She has to engrave her features in her skull, has to archive her hope, pride, regrets and pain. She has to endure, to accept, to be brave.
She opens her eyes and sees it. She sees the hint of a peaceful smile barely curling almost white bloody lips.
She runs her calloused, stained fingertips on the soft pale cheeks, on the scratched forehead on the bare skull. Bare like Costia's. Bare like Lexa's soul.
She moans in pain at the cold touch and she tries to ignore that the ice nation's symbol is inked on the soft scalp under her fingertips. She takes Clarke's lifeless head in her hands, palms the smooth skin of her scalp, trying to take as much as she can at the same time. She leans her forehead on the girl's and closes her eyes.
*Thank you.* she whispers, her tone soft and calm. *I love you.* She presses her lips on Clarke one last time before adding "May we meet again."
She stands up and raises her head. Her tears are dried now and her heart is beating again. Her breath is clear and steady. She is alive and at peace.
For who cannot read her.
Inside she's broken, shattering, crumbling in an infinity of pieces she knows nothing can put back together.
She grabs her dagger at her side, the one Anya made her lives ago, the one that cut the skin of her chest when Costia died, the one that would tear through the flesh of her left breast.
She removes her armour and cuts her shirt open, baring her chest. Octavia is at her side and ice nation warriors, all around but she doesn't care. She brings the sharp edge of the blade to her chest and for a moment she contemplates stabbing herself, forcing the dagger through her ribs to reach her own heart.
A baby laughs in the back of her head and she opens her mouth to scream as she crosses her heart.
"Octavia told me two things.
First that everyone around were like stunned, grief on their faces, gazes focused on the ground in respect.
Second, that the animalistic sound that escaped Lexa's broken throat was the most painful, horrible thing my mother had ever heard."