Week fifteen, day two

Granger is back. And I didn't mention what he said to Deeks, as hard as it was...

I slipped up and told Deeks about Sabatino being an ass. I swear, he just gets bitchier every day and it's driving me insane. He had the balls to tell me I needed to watch how much I was eating because I've put on weight... It's bloody freezing here, an extra pound or two isn't such a bad idea. And it isn't like I can go for a run every day. But Deeks being the true gentleman that he is, promised he would still think I looked good even if I packed on a hundred pounds... Something I think is seriously unlikely given how awful the food is, and the fact that I'm still sick half the time. There's gotta be something in the water here, or the local food just doesn't agree with me. I can't wait to get out of this place...

Deeks and I try to talk twice a week. We make contact through our website daily if we can, but cases come up for him or too many people are around here. Privacy in a war zone is limited... But at least we can be in touch.

Week sixteen, day four

I'm beyond pissed... Furious doesn't even begin to cover it. Something is way off with Sabatino. Way, way off.

I was looking over a map and he asked what I was doing. Of course it was the area where we had seen him meeting with locals and that had me on high alert. I don't even know how he was able to sneak up on me...

Then out of nowhere he tells me to pack my gear because we're going dancing. I'm confused, and then he reminds me I told him I was a good tracker. Fine. We end up in a craptastic little car on its last legs, and he tells me we're going out as a couple on a drive. Then he reminds me to put on the burqa, and snorts about understanding the appeal. If I weren't so damn eager to figure out what was going on I would have up and refused to help him after that. One more comment about my appearance and I'm going to shoot him, whether he's the ghost or not!

We ended up in the middle of nowhere and then he lost it. Wouldn't stop carrying on about how I was investigating him and he had friends too. I tried to convince him he was going crazy after being out here so long. I mean, hey, I feel like I'm going mental and he's been out here far longer.

We started yelling about why I was here and he said there were hundreds of guys more qualified than me. Yeah, right. I'm a damn good sniper. I tried to get him to admit to something, anything... Sanders' beheading, feeding information to our enemies... But I finally lost it and asked if he was here as CIA Agent Sabatino or if he was the White ghost. He freaked out and I honestly couldn't tell if it was because I was right or if he was offended. He carried on about how he was tracking them and I reminded him he's had next to no success. I guess that was the breaking point, he threw the keys at me and shot out the engine. I could head back immediately and hope the car made it, or I could follow him and be stranded. I fired a few shots at the rocks near him, trying to get his attention or something but he just took off. I seriously contemplated going after him but if he is the ghost, I didn't stand a chance, and I couldn't just shoot a CIA agent on suspicion of being a traitor... So I drove back. God, I hate him so much. He's such a bastard.

When I finally made it back (had to walk the last few miles), Granger had the balls to say I was the one going crazy. Even when I explained everything I knew, he said I was paranoid. Then he said my only mission is to shoot the ghost, whoever he is. Screw this! If I can confirm my suspicions about Sabatino that is exactly what I'm going to do. But for now, I'm calling Hetty as soon as its dawn in LA. This is seriously screwed up, and I don't want to be in the middle of it with no back up. Ghost or not, I can't work with Sabatino... And I don't care if Granger is my boss, if he won't listen then there has to be something Hetty can do or someone or someone she can call...

Week sixteen, day seven

Hetty has ordered me to stay, and thinks she has cleared Sabatino. I still have my suspicions but I've been ordered to stand down and not shoot him on sight... Fortunately she didn't say I couldn't break his nose because I fully intend to. She reassured me that as much of an ass as Granger is, I can trust him to have my back - if not for work, then because he feels like he at least owes my father that much. I feel like I'm back to square one. No one else is suspicious. Booker is a bit odd... But he's not bright enough to mastermind the leaks, nor does he have access to the most relevant information.

Deeks and I haven't spoken but we chatted online. They worked a case that he said he can't wait to tell me about. He got to meet someone who was a close friend to my dad. He promised he will tell me as soon as he can, but we're sticking to our rule of not discussing cases... He said maybe he could write me a letter about it.

Week eighteen, day five

Deeks letter arrived! It made me smile, even if it was so short. He remembered to leave out names and keep things vague to preserve our security. I'm proud of him, but it just made me miss him even more. I'd never admit it to anyone, but I locked myself in the washroom and cried for half an hour after reading it.

Either Sabatino is avoiding me or Granger is keeping us apart because I haven't seen him since last week's mess. I know he's been back, but at least I don't have to deal with him. I've resigned myself to the fact that punching him in the nose won't accomplish anything, but if he opens his big mouth I may not be able to resist...

Things seem to be stepping up a notch here. I can't put my finger on it but something has changed. People are up at all hours, working on top secret information. Granger is acting a bit cagey, and I know he's been talking to Hetty. Nell hasn't been able to tell me anything concrete but she thinks something big is coming, too.

Dear Princess,

I got to meet a man who knew your father. We were working a case where we had to rescue him. He is a friend of the little ninja, and our big brothers worked their first case together with him, but I can't mention his name for security reasons... But I'm sure Our boss will tell you.

I was fidgeting with your knife...because I always do when I'm thinking of you. He commented "nice knife" so I asked if he liked it. He grinned and said that he made it. I immediately stuttered, not sure what to say, about watching it for a friend. He said that maybe it was watching out for me... And to be honest in a way it is. He started talking about the friend he made it for - your dad. He said he didn't know your name, but that his friend had a daughter who was the sweetest little girl he ever met. I was so enthralled I didn't even have time to tell him that sweet was the last word anyone would use to describe you! I'm sure he was lying about not knowing your name... Or maybe not. Maybe your dad never told anyone because he wanted to keep you safe. He's gone into hiding again now but I hope the little ninja can find a way for you to meet him so you can ask him about your dad.

There is so much more I can't wait to tell you, but I'll do that when we're together again.

-Shaggy

P.S. Stay safe.