8. Need to Tell

Pregnant.

The word sounded to Beckett like some far off distant bell, getting louder with each passing mile.

Pregnant.

Beckett had never really been a baby person. She wasn't the type to get all gooey-eyed at the sight of seeing one, never felt like nibbling their toes, let alone hold one. And now there was one growing inside her, actually growing.

"I guess this wasn't the answer you were expecting," said the doctor.

"That's um…," Beckett said as she struggled with her words, "That's an understatement.

"I understand. Take your time. Do you have any questions?"

They sat for a moment as Beckett tried to let the news sink in but it would probably be a while before it really would.

"How um, how far along am I?"

"Based on your hCG levels, I'd say you're five weeks."

Another distant bell that was getting louder.

Five weeks.

LA, Beckett thought. Of course. Though she'd been on the pill, she and Castle had failed to use a condom. They'd gotten so lost in each other. They had wanted to feel each other's skin against one another so completely that a condom was the last thing they had considered. And now her birth control had failed her.

"I'd like you to make an appointment with your OBGYN," said the doctor, "for three weeks from now."

"Do you think you can find someone else for me? Mine is too close to the precinct and I'd rather people at work not know about all this just yet."

"Sure, there are a few recommendations I could make. In the mean time just a few things: I'd like you to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, that also includes wine. I'd also like you to start taking prenatal vitamins."

"I can manage that," Beckett told her doctor which was true.

As it was her morning coffee made her nauseous so she hadn't been drinking it for a while and the last time she'd had a glass of wine was that night with Castle. All she had to do now was add in the prenatals to her daily routine which she could pick up at any drug store.

"Good. I'll have my clerk at the front desk set up an appointment for you. I'm gonna recommend Addison Montgomery. She's one of the best.

"I'm familiar with her," said Beckett. "Thanks."

Too familiar. They had been friends in middle school and gone to the same high school. After that their paths had taken different turns. While she went to college and changed career paths after her mother's death, Addison had stayed on the medical path, finding her niche in obstetrics and gynecology.

For once during all of this Beckett was glad her boss had nearly ordered her to see a doctor.

Even though at the doctor's office they had done the blood and urine tests and confirmed the results, Beckett felt the need to see them for herself so on her way home along with prenatal vitamins she had also purchased a home pregnancy test, both of which felt very awkward to buy. Almost as awkward as having to buy condoms which she had done on occasion before but now her purchases went beyond that, went to what sex without a condom could lead to despite birth control pills.

A while later Beckett sat alone on her couch, tears streaming down her face. The test she had taken earlier, now lying face up on the table in front of her with an evident blue plus sign indicating the positive result that she was pregnant.

It wasn't supposed to have been this way. Pregnant from a one night stand. Granted it had been with the man she loved but still. She couldn't help but think that slight, remote possibility that had been a typical fantasies of when she had a baby of her own it would be after she was married. Not like this.

And Castle.

Though he was clearly the father, Beckett could not bring herself to even think of him right now. She knew she had to tell him but right now her hormones seemed to be all over the place. She did want to tell him, it would help explain away her behavior and why she'd been so sick lately but at the same time the thought of telling him terrified her.

Beckett wasn't even sure of how or what to feel. Abortion was not an option for her, that much she did know but what she wasn't clear on was if she could do the whole mom thing.

What Beckett wanted most right now was her own mother. That was the hardest part in all of this: the fact that Johanna Beckett wasn't here now to help her through this, she would never get to be around to watch her daughter's body change through the pregnancy, and she would never get to experience what it was like to have a grandchild.

Beckett wiped away her tears. Whether she liked it or not, no matter how she felt at the moment, she had to pull herself together and start taking care of her. Starting with the vitamins she had purchased. There was life growing inside her, too hard to notice right now since she was only five weeks along but it was there. Everything she did now affected the tiny being that lay just well within her pelvis.

At least now she would be able to return to work the next day so that was something.

(6 weeks)

In the week that followed Beckett's appointment, life had begun to take on a new sense of normal. She'd gone back to work but she couldn't escape the morning sickness, tiredness, and constant need to pee. Along with several other personal issues that were starting to show.

Montgomery wasn't all too pleased, wanting her to take more time off. Beckett had wanted to tell him the truth but feared the second she did, he would put her on desk duty something she wasn't ready for since it was way too early so she had told him along with Ryan and Esposito who were just as worried, that what she had wasn't contagious and if things got really bad she would go home but all things considered, she felt okay.

Her situation with Castle was another story. Every time she saw him, she had wanted to tell him what was going on but she panicked and instead changed the subject before she could get it out.

No one at the precinct had known about their relationship so things remained pretty much the same as far as the joking and sexual tension, almost as if things had gone back to normal before they'd gotten together, but there was an underlying issue that everyone seemed to sense.

By the end of the week Beckett sat in the car and looked at the diner. Her left hand instinctively went to her lower belly where midway through the week she had noticed some slight weight gain, more evidence of the growing life within. It was easy enough to cover up with loose shirts and jackets but it was her body so she could feel it both on an internal level and an outer one.

Enough stalling, Beckett opened her car door and made her way inside. It was a quaint place, one she and her father started going to not long after her mom died.

Jim Beckett smiled as he saw his daughter make her way to the booth. He stood up and the two greeted each other with a hug and then took their seats across from each other.

"I'm glad you called," said Jim, "I feel like I haven't seen you in months."

"Yeah I'm sorry dad. I've been a little distracted lately."

"With work or with the boyfriend?"

Beckett looked down, "Both actually."

"Everything okay with Rick?"

Beckett was unsure of what to tell him so she kept it simple, "Yeah, Rick's great."

"Katie, what is it? Whatever it is you can tell me."

Beckett looked up, her eyes meeting her dad's for the first time since their welcome hug earlier.

"I had a doctor's appointment last week," Beckett began, "I hadn't been feeling well lately so they checked me out, took some blood, ran some tests and the doctor was able to confirm the results."

"How bad is it?"

Beckett looked into her dad's eyes, "Dad, I'm pregnant."

Jim let out a sigh of relief and smiled, "Oh god, Katie, you scared me there for a second. Pregnant. My little girl's having a baby? Well congratulations. How far along are you?"

"Six weeks today."

"So you're halfway through your second month. You don't seem too excited over the news."

"I'm trying to be. I think it's still sinking in."

"So what are you gonna do?"

Beckett shook her head, "I don't know dad. It was one thing when I thought I had the flu. It's another knowing it's this."

"Have you told Rick?'

"No. Lately I'd been feeling like something was different so I started pushing him away. I know it's unfair to Castle, I've just needed time to think about all of this first. What it would mean for my future, my career as a cop." Beckett again shook her head, "It was just one night. It was supposed to be fun but now it's changed everything."

"You can try to wait for the right time to have kids but the truth is there is no right time," Jim said. Beckett looked at her dad, trying to take in his words. "Look Katie, I know you, when you get scared, you hide in your work and I just want you to be sure whatever decision you make, it's what you want, not because you're afraid."

Jim's words caused a smile to creep on Beckett's face. While she more than anything wanted to have her mom for these sorts of conversations, she was at least glad to have one of her parents to talk to.

She had all ready disclosed her pregnancy to him despite it being very early so she figured she could pretty much tell him anything at this point.

Beckett thought back to earlier in their conversation when her father had made the comment about her not seeming too excited and then replying that it was still sinking in.

She looked at her dad, "Earlier this week I noticed I had put on some weight, not much but enough for me to notice." Jim smiled at his daughter's confession. "I saw myself in the mirror, I saw what I looked like and for the first time since finding out, I could actually picture myself doing this. I could picture myself going through with the pregnancy. And yeah I am scared but dad, this baby, it's what I want."

"Then tell him."

Beckett nodded knowing it for sure would be her next obstacle. She would find a way to tell Castle.

(7 Weeks)

Beckett was surprised as she walked into the precinct and saw Castle coming out of Montgomery's office. He noticed Beckett but didn't acknowledge her.

Beckett turned to Montgomery who was standing in his office.

"Sir, what's going on," she asked when she arrived inside.

"You tell me," said Montgomery, "Castle came by saying he wants to stop shadowing you."

"What?"

"Did something happen between you two that I should know about?"

Instead of answering him, Beckett left his office to try to catch up to Castle.

"Castle," she called out but before she could catch up to him, the boys stopped her from behind.

"Yo, Kate," said Esposito.

"Yeah," she replied as she looked at them.

"What's up?"

"Yeah," said Ryan, "What's going on?"

Beckett took a breath and looked down for a moment to gather her thoughts. She then looked at her two best guys who were like brothers.

"Look," she said, "There's something that I have to tell you guys but there's someone else that I have to tell first."

Before Ryan and Esposito could get in a comment, Beckett was all ready making her way inside the elevator, the doors closing.

She found Castle exiting the building and making a right turn on the sidewalk.

"Castle wait," she said to him.

"I did, you never called," Castle replied.

"Look I know you're angry."

Castle turned to face her, "Oh you're damn right I'm angry."

"Look I couldn't call you."

"Why not? You know what I think? I think the moment things got real between us you got scared so you ran in the other direction."

"You're right, things did get real and I did run but not for the reasons you think."

Finding her car just a few car lengths over, Beckett took out her keys and got in.

Castle stomped his foot like a child. Part of him wished he could let Beckett go but now he was curious about what she'd meant.

Without waiting for an invitation, he got in the passenger side of the car and without a word Beckett drove for a while until they came upon a park across from a nearby bookstore.

The two walked to the swings in silent, Castle taking the one to the right, Beckett taking the one to the left.

Beckett took a moment to gather herself and then took a deep breath, "There's no easy way to say this so I'm just gonna say it: Castle, I'm pregnant."

This caused Castle to turn, stop, and stare at Beckett.

She gave him a minute to let it sink in.

"Pregnant," he finally let out, "as in pregnant? Pregnant as in-," Castle said for once jumbling for words as Beckett finished for him.

She broke off their eye contact, "As in, there was you and there was me and now there's something growing inside of me right now."

From the corner of her eye, Beckett watched as Castle stood and made his way to stand in front of her. She was a little unsure of what to do so rather than let him tower over her, she stood to match him, almost since he was still taller than her.

"Is this for real?" he asked as a look of wonder crossed his face.

"Why would I make this up? I really am pregnant, Castle."

Castle smiled, "My god, Kate!" he said as he brought her in for a long, hard kiss that caused them both to come up for a little air. Once their breathing was back to normal, Castle continued to smile, "A baby!" he said more excited than she'd ever seen him before.

"Okay wow, that's not the reaction I was expecting," said Beckett as they stood, their arms still holding onto each other, "Especially considering how I froze you out."

"When did you find out?"

"About two weeks ago," said Beckett, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I wanted to tell you Castle, I really did. It was just so much to deal with and I wasn't even sure how I felt about it."

"I'm sorry too but you're telling me now," he said taking her hand.

The two walked in silence. Castle couldn't remember much about Meredith's pregnancy which had been seventeen years ago but he figured too much time on her feet wasn't a good idea so he sat Beckett down on a bench and sat next to her, still holding her hand.

"How far along are you?"

"Seven weeks but I started to suspect something was up around week three."

Castle nodded, "Right around the time you started getting sick and started pushing me away."

"I'm sorry, Castle," she said again.

"Hey don't be. And how do you feel about all this?" Castle asked, slightly afraid of hearing the answer.

"I'm taking it in stride." Beckett squeezed his hand and looked at him, "Rick, I want this baby."

Castle smiled, "I was hoping you would say that. I want it too Beckett. I could never imagine having another baby with anyone but you. Although you know, now this means you're never getting rid of me right?"

Beckett smiled at him glad that she never would have to.

"So," said Castle, "Seven weeks, which would mean-," he smirked, "Our night in LA?"

"Our first night together and you manage to knock me up, smooth one Castle."

"Well I love you Beckett, and that night I clearly meant it."

"Clearly," she said smirking back at him, "I love you too. So you're okay with this, you're okay with raising this child together?"

"Honey," Castle said cupping her cheek with his left hand, "I am more than okay with this. I love you Beckett, don't ever doubt that. And I love our baby."

Beckett leaned into his hand and smiled bringing her hand over his. Castle let out a boyish grin as he truly looked at Beckett's belly for the first time since the news. He could see that yes she had gained some weight, he had noticed about a week and a half ago but now he knew the reason why.

Castle placed his right hand gently on top and could feel a small curve. To anyone else it would just seem like a man resting a hand on his girl's stomach but Castle was touching more than that, he was touching a place that had become sacred, the home for which Beckett was making that would belong to the child he helped to create.

Beckett smiled as she placed her left hand on Castle's, the two of them completely lost in their own little world.

"I have my first OB appointment at the end of the week. Will you come with me?"

Castle smiled. Meredith had never really let him be a part of her pregnancy. In fact as much as Meredith loved Alexis, she hated the whole pregnancy process. The only reason she'd agreed to it was because it's what Castle had wanted but she had never been into it.

From her question alone, Castle could safely assume that Beckett would let him be a part of every step.

"I wouldn't miss it."

Author's Note: So there you have it. Beckett's secret is out, at least to the man she loves and the father of her baby.

And yes, Addison Montgomery from 'Grey's Anatomy'/'Private Practice' is going to be Beckett's new OBGYN. Trust me this was planned the second the seed of the story entered my mind back in February.

The reason I'm not having this as a crossover fic is because that would entail more than one character. And Addison is the only character I'm including. She was my favorite on those shows so I wanted a familiar face as Beckett's doctor and her's kept coming to mind which is why I used her and I've always liked the idea of her and Beckett being old friends.