Rayna felt the blood drain from her face and the room blurred a bit around her. She felt her knees buckle and leaned back into the chair to steady herself.
"I'm sorry, what?" Rayna asked, her voice shaking.
"Ms. Jaymes, Mr. Conrad, I'm very sorry to inform you but Maddie's blood test results indicate she has leukemia. It's a type of cancer that interferes with the production of normal blood cells. We know this is a lot to process and that you'll need time to come to terms with this, but it is in Maddie's best interest to see an oncologist as soon as possible. We can refer you to a pediatric oncologist at Vanderbilt Medical Center that specializes in these cases and who will be able to design a treatment plan for Maddie. Again, we are very sorry," the doctor said.
Rayna couldn't even find her voice. She couldn't form the words, the sentences that she wanted to shout. "How? This must be some mistake" she wanted to scream. She looked down at her sweet baby girl, clutching her closer to her chest. She felt Teddy's hand wrapped around hers and turned to face him. She could see the anguish in his eyes, the pain and something else she hadn't ever seen in him before. Fear. She'd never seen Teddy afraid before. When she went into labor, her water breaking, and the whole time in the delivery room Teddy had been calm, reassuring her every step of the way. Rayna squeezed his hand tightly in hers, wishing she had the strength to give him those same feelings now.
Teddy helped her up and numbly took the reference card from the doctor's hand and they made their way to the car. Rayna lifted the car seat into its holder in the car, but her hands were shaking so badly, she couldn't even get the buckles to lock together.
"I got it, Rayna." Teddy said, taking the clips into his hand as he secured the seat.
They drove home in silence while Rayna stared out the window feeling numb. She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, soaking her blouse, but at the same time she felt detached from them. Her mind replayed every single moment of Maddie's life over and over in her head. The way she came into the world screaming her head off, Rayna singing her to sleep at night, her first smile, her first steps, and every little moment in between played out in Rayna's head. Rayna breath hitched as an incomprehensible thought came to her mind. What milestones would Maddie get to see? Would she get to her first day of school? Prom? Her wedding? These things shook Rayna to her core as she looked at the back seat at her innocent little girl and wondered how something so malicious could be contained in a sweet baby.