Things had been tense the last couple days since the news of Maddie's diagnosis. Rayna and Teddy had barely spoken to each other, the shock still leaving them speechless even to each other. Most of their conversation before had centered around Maddie, but now that seemed too painful to sustain for any long period of time.
Rayna hadn't slept in their bed since that day at the doctor's office. She'd make her way down the hall in the middle of the night into the nursery where'd she'd hover silently over the crib, watching the rise and fall of her baby's chest. Rayna would eventually collapse into the rocking chair beside the crib, using a pillow to smother her sobs, trying not to wake Maddie.
Rayna had called Bucky and told him that she was halting all work on the second album and to tell the label that everything was on pause until further notice. He'd also notified the producers and the band that things were delayed for the time being.
That of course had led to a text from Deacon.
Seeing his name pop up on her phone had caused a strong wave of nausea to roll through her.
"Hey, I just heard from Bucky. Everything okay?" it had read.
Rayna wanted to call him then and there. She wanted to cry out "No, Deacon, everything isn't okay. Our daughter, our baby girl, who has your eyes, your temper, that beautiful, living, breathing embodiment of you and me, she's sick. She's our girl, Deacon, and we might lose her, and everything is absolutely not okay." That's what Rayna wanted to do. But she couldn't and she didn't.
Rayna was trying to keep her focus on taking care of Maddie, but Deacon had been lingering in the back of her mind. She felt the weight of the decision she had made almost 1 year and 9 months ago multiply.
Rayna had told herself that at least Deacon would have a sideline view of Maddie's life, although she knew it'd never be enough, it'd never be what it could've been. But now, what if Deacon wouldn't even get that? What if….Rayna could even bring herself to think it. She felt selfish and awful inside for thinking about Deacon. She should be focused on her family, Maddie and Teddy. Although as she said it to herself, she knew Deacon would always be included in that definition.
And how could she not think about Deacon, when every time she looked in her baby girl's eyes, their baby girl, she saw Deacon's staring back.