A/N: Can't believe we're on chapter 40! Crazy! Hope you're all still enjoying this story. Comments/reviews are always appreciated.
Enjoy!
Grissom walked through the halls of the lab at a diligent pace, Brass walking by his side.
"Ecklie's been on my to finish the monthly stats so I need a list from all the lab callouts as soon as you can." His speech was intense and unwavering.
"You'll have it by the end of shift tomorrow."
"Thanks."
"So you've been pulling a lot of doubles this week?" His inflection denoted a question but it was meant as more of an observation as the two turned the corner.
"Yeah. It's about all I do." Grissom glanced sideways at Brass as he spoke, continuing their purposeful stride. His eyes looked tired and voice was laced with exhaustion.
"Have you been in touch with Sara?"
"We've talked a little." Grissom spoke honestly through raised eyebrows.
"So, where's she at?"
"San Fransisco. Visiting her mother."
Brass let out a small laugh, "No no, that's nice. But I meant, where's she at emotionally. Respecting the two of you."
"I can't speak for her."
"So speak for yourself."
Grissom breathed in deeply, "I can't talk, I'm really busy." He gave a final glance toward brass before walking off, leaving him standing there in the hallway alone.
It had only been one week since Sara had left. For the first few days no one bothered him. Everyone seemed to be on the same page of not asking Grissom where she is, if they'd talked, when she'd be back, what had happened. But like clockwork, exactly one week later, that courtesy seemed to run out. One by one his colleagues would find him and ask him how he felt, how he was doing, where his head was out. He couldn't take it anymore. It was getting under his skin.
Grissom sat behind his desk and stared at the mountains of paperwork that filled his vision. At least it would distract him, he thought to himself as he opened a case file only to be interrupted mere minutes later by a tap on the frame of his doorway.
"That's it for me, boss." He looked up to see Nick standing here.
"Alright. Have a good day." Grissom went to return his attention back to the case file at hand.
"You know—" Nick started, causing Grissom to look back up, "I'm going to head to Franks and grab breakfast. I'll probably be there for an hour or so if you'd like to join. We don't need to talk about anything specific... I just don' think its good for people to be alone so much." He paused to turn before adding, "If you come, cool. If not cool."
Grissom sighed. How could he possibly use work to distract himself from Sara's situation when his colleagues wouldn't let it go themselves?
The night went on as Grissom walked the halls of the lab, It wasn't long before Catherine spotted him.
"Oh hey." She caught up to him and walked beside him, "How are you?"
"Why?" He said quickly, cold.
"I can't ask how you're doing?"
"Im sorry." He softened slightly, "I've just had a lot of, uh—" He motioned to indicate a lot of people had asked him that question already but settled on a quick shrug, "I've been busy."
"Oh. Well, maybe you should take a few days off for once in your career. I mean you've got enough stored up." She paused briefly, taking in Grissom's appearance, a faint smile forming on her lips, "Go after her."
He looked at her a bit bewildered that she would even suggest that. His tone softened as he replied, "That's not what she wants."
"And what do you want?"
"I want her to be happy." With that he left her standing the the hallway, just has he had to Brass earlier that shift. He continued to walk as he saw greg approach,
"Goodnight, Greg."
"Yeah, whatever." Greg retorted as he passed Grissom without stopping. Grissom looked back, perplexed but realized the younger CSI was already far down the hallway. He turned back to see Hodges in the break room.
"What are you doing?"
"I was uh, just trying to develop a board game." Hodges spoke tentatively as Grissom entered the room. "You get evidence, scenarios... try to solve diabolical murders."
Grissom took a once-over of the board game laying on the table. Finally, something to preoccupy my mind. "I like games."
"Really!?"
"Yeah." Grissom took a seat opposite hodges.
Hodges and Grissom sat together in the break room for the next two hours playing his Lab Rats game. It had been the perfect distraction just as Grissom had hoped. That is, until hodges was called away to run some trace evidence for swing. Hodges quickly left, gathering up his game in his arms and scurried out of the break room. Grissom pinched the bridge of his nose hard and closed his eyes tightly before getting up and walking back to his office, grabbing his coat, and heading home for the evening.
The next day Grissom arrived at the scene to find Warrick still not there. Greg and Catherine were crouched down next to the DB.
"Where's Warrick?"
"I've been calling him, no answer." Catherine responded honestly as Greg continued to snap photos of the DB, not acknowledging his supervisors presence.
He stood next to the garbage truck now having already given marching orders to both Catherine and Greg. He watched as Warrick rolled up to the scene. Speaking intensely on the phone.
"Hey Griss, I'm sorry I'm late. I had some business to take care of."
"This is your business." He responded quickly. "You're first up. That means you're supposed to be here first. You get to process the trash truck."
Grissom left him there to process the truck and had the body transported over to Doc Robbins so he could continue to investigate it. He sighed internally as he went through the motions. Grissom had found a way to push his sadness away, to suppress it to the point that Sara's absence didn't feel as heavy in his chest as it had just a few days prior. His days without her started to feel more normal, a fact he realized was both reassuring and terrifying. His old ways were coming back. The walls she had torn down started to rebuild, brick by brick, he reverted to his middle-aged workaholic self.
Later that day Grissom decided to stop by the impound yard to give Warrick a hand with processing the truck, figuring he'd have enough solidarity punishment for his tardiness.
"Hey Gris, about me being late—" Warrick started as he handed Grissom another newspaper to sort through.
"You have a cellphone, paid for by the department." Grissom quickly cut in, not letting Warrick continue his thought, "You call. You say you're running late." Warrick nodded in understanding, "What's going on with you?"
"I don't know." He shook his head in small, quick movements, "This, uh, this whole divorce has taken the wind out of my sails. I used to have the team to distract me from all this, but—" He paused a moment before continuing carefully, "Even that's changed with Sara being gone. I feel kind of disconnected—"
Grissom wasn't having it. Using Sara was a cope out, a way to get Grissom's sympathy and he knew it.
"You've got your work." He retorted coldly, "Don't screw that up." He was talking to Warrick externally, but the sentiment applied to himself too, he realized. They worked side by side for the next few hours, sorting the trash and processing the truck itself.
The rest of shift was a messy blur. Warrick had not taken Grissom's warning to heart and instead did just the opposite, he had screwed up his work. Grissom had gotten a call from a cadet that had seen Warrick at Pig Alley, warning him of the CSI's actions.
Grissom walked into the strip club with purposeful strides. The lights and sounds blaring through his senses as be b-lined for Warrick.
"Pay the bill and let's go." Grissom spoke sternly with a strong hand placed on his shoulder.
"How'd you know I was here?"
"You've been here twice already today. Lets go. We're leaving."
"C'mon, Griss. Why don't you sit down and have a seat with us."
"I'm on the clock." Grissom was not amused. This was the last thing he wanted to deal with right now.
"So am I."
"So you want to get fired?" The annoyance in his voice was loud and clear as Warrick stood to get eye level with him.
"No I want to let him know I'm here. I figured I'd order a couple bottles and not pay for it. See what happens."
"You think he's that stupid!?"
"Worth a try."
At this point a waitress slid the bill across the bar to Warrick. He picked the piece of paper up and squinted to look at it. Grissom shined a light on it, reading the scrawled out words, compliments of the house.
"Well now you've got to pay for it. We can't except gifts."
Grissom took Warrick's arm and forcefully lead him out of the club, listening and Warrick drunkenly slurred about how fine the girls are in there.
"Get in the cab, Warrick." Grissom opened the cab door and shoved him inside. "Go home. Sleep it off. I'll see you in my office in the morning."
Grissom watched as the cab car peeled out of the lot with Warrick in tow. He sighed again and shook his head. He hadn't seen Warrick like this in years: headstrong, careless, reckless, not considering the consequences of his actions. Not since he had Sara come to Vegas to investigate him.
Grissom stared at the steering wheel in front of him as he thought more on that. When Sara came to Vegas, Warrick had cleaned up his act. Was it a coincidence that in the wake of her absence he had suddenly changed gears? Had Sara been keeping Warrick in check all these years? Was Warrick's comment earlier about the team being less than whole not actually a jab at Grissom's senses, but a genuine concern about himself?
Grissom made his way back to the lab and walked to his office, bumping into Nick as he did.
"You find Warrick?"
"Yeah. I sent him home."
Nick nodded as he followed him down the hall, "I'm worried about him."
"I'll have a chat with him tomorrow before shift. We'll get him straightened out."
"Hey, Nick." Greg approached the pair from the opposite side of the hallway, "Trace got the results back." He handed Nick the piece of paper.
"Hi Greg." Grissom spoke as the young CSI was now walking in pace with them. He was greeted with strong eye roll.
"Alright. What's your deal, Greg?"
"What are you talking about?" Greg asked coldly causing Nick to look up from the trace results report. The three had stopped walking now.
"I think he's referring to you being a jerk lately." Nick interjected.
"I have not."
"Yeah, man, you have. Not to us, but to Grissom."
"Yeah? Well maybe he deserves."
"Alright. My office. Now." The irritation in Grissom's voice shocked even Nick. He hadn't been this callus in a long time.
Greg followed Grissom back to his office, letting him close the door behind the two.
"What's going on? I have enough on my plate with Warrick right now."
"How's Sara?" Greg was short and cold, arms crossed.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I warned you. I warned you time and time again. And you did absolutely nothing."
Grissom's features softened. He took a step back and leaned against the edge of his desk, looking down at his feet briefly. "I see."
"It didn't have to be this way. She won't return my calls or emails. God knows where the hell she is, if she's safe. If she's okay."
"She's safe." Grissom finally looked back up and made eye contact with Greg. He could now see the sadness and pain behind Greg's eyes, similar to the look he saw in himself when in front of a mirror.
"She's safe?"
"She is. She's in San Fransisco."
"You talk to her?"
"Briefly, but yes."
Greg slumped into the chair opposite Grissom.
"You're right, you know." Grissom finally spoke, "You warned me. As her supervisor, as her—her..." He paused not really knowing what they were anymore. Was she his girlfriend? His significant other? Was she still his fiancé? He abandoned the thought, "I should have been able to help her."
"Will she come back?"
"I don't know." He spoke honestly, "I'd like to think so, but I don't know."
"Is it because of her childhood?"
"Excuse me?" Grissom's eyes went wide, not realizing Greg knew about Sara's past.
"She doesn't know that I know."
"How do you know?"
"Well..." Greg fidgeted with his hands for a moment before explaining, "Remember how DHS was sending over records of Dell's foster kids before we had Natalie's ID?"
"Yes."
"Well, on the last case request, Sara's name was on the report, and I guess who ever was sending over the reports accidentally sent her case file, not realizing her name was there was a CSI... They sent us her records by mistake."
Grissom pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed his eyes, "You read it?"
"I did. Not realizing what it was at first."
"Who else saw this?"
"No one." Greg assured Grissom, "As soon as I realized what it was I hid it in my locker... not sure what to do with it."
"Will you bring it to me, please. I don't want that getting in the wrong hands."
Greg nodded compliantly. "So... is that why she left? Did Natalie do something to her? Something to bring all of that back?"
Grissom sighed heavily, "I think so." Sara hadn't explicitly told him why. She alluded to this by saying she needed to bury ghosts. The connection was easily made, but he wasn't sure to what extent Sara had endured the flashbacks of her childhood.
"I'm sorry I've been a jerk. I know you miss her too." Greg finally spoke, realizing his wrong doings.
"I'll send her your regards next time we talk."
Greg put on a sad smile before leaving Grissom's office. A little while later he returned, file in hand, and placed it on the desk in front of Grissom.
"Thank you." He spoke, looking up through glasses perched on the tip of his nose. Greg had nodded and politely left.
Grissom now held the file in his hand. He thumbed over the corners of it, debating what to do. Would it be a breach of her privacy? He wondered. Would she be upset if she knew he'd seen it? Finally he justified it to himself, that learning about what really happened would better help him help her.
He opened the file and the first thing he saw was a photo of Sara, clipped to the document, standing in front of a blank wall staring back at the camera with sad eyes. This was Sara's identification 'mug' shot when she was admitted to foster care, he realized. She was 13 when this photo was taken. He turned on his desk lamp to get a better look at it and smiled slightly, realizing he'd never seen a photo of her at any point of her life before she was 24 or so.
The first page of the file was Sara's childhood bio. A way for foster parents to understand what each child had been through to take them to this point, a way for them to better cater to the child's individual needs.
Sara's bio was of no surprise to Grissom. The storyline was similar to that of what he already knew. Her mother had been an undiagnosed schizophrenic, which caused numerous document domestic violence disputes over a decade long. The first one starting when Sara would have been four years old. The page ended with a list of hospitalization dates, 18 total from four years old until 13 years old. Concussion, broken wrist, broken ribs, fractured collar bone, broken jaw, populated the dotted lines.
He read on:
Admittance notes:
At the time of being admitted as a ward of the state Sara Sidle, age 13, is coherent, understanding of her situation, and does not pose a threat to the safety of herself or other children she may board with. Sidle's physical state is temporarily compromised. A stab wound to the third rib caused a separation break resulting in further hospitalization. Upon being released, Sidle is to report to her first Foster home (home A18924, Bellos Family). Sidle's abuse resulted as a bi-product of her parent's marital spouts and was not strictly directed at her (collateral damage). Sidle has no signs of sexual abuse or trauma but may need further counseling for the long term emotional toll of the situation. Counseling is suggested but not mandatory. Sidle has no biological siblings, aunts or uncles. Both sets of grandparents are deceased. Sidle's only living relative is her mother, currently being held at a state facility to assess mental state awaiting trial. Sidle (Sara), may be asked to testify in court as a minor witness.
Grissom flipped to the next page of the report to find foster care notes. Each page dedicated to another foster care home Sara had lived in during her short three years as a ward of the state. Each page gave a brief on admittance dates, reasons for transfer and additional notes:
A18924 - Bellos Family Foster | Re: Sidle, Sara
Admittance: October, 1984
Transfer Date: February 1985
Reason for Transfer: Unfit placement
Child Notes: Sidle was brought to use as a ward of the state in October, 1984. She presented signs of indifference to her situation. Sidle only speaks when spoken to, she doesn't not play with the other children and spends all of her down time completing additional homework/studying tasks or reading. Sidle's only outward display of trauma occurs during sleep. The child suffers from severe night terrors, often waking multiple times throughout the night screaming. As a result, Sidle has become a functioning insomniac and fears sleep.
The Bellos Family typically sees children who present more obvious signs of trauma and cannot provide the individual care we believe Sidle needs.
C44196 - Perkins Family Foster | Re: Sidle, Sara
Admittance: February, 1985
Transfer Date: July 1985
Reason for Transfer: Unfit placement
Child Notes: Sidle was transferred to the Perkins Family Foster home in February of 1985 following unfit care with previous placement. Sidle is quiet and often isolated despite attempts by other children to engage in play. Sidle spends all free time in academic endeavors and is often kept late at school by teachers to progress her learner. The child is bright and has skipped one grade this year, advancing her to high school early. Sidle receives regular visits from the Crow family (presented as family friends of hers). This visits are the only times we have seen her speak without being spoken to. Petition for adoption was made by the family but is in review.
F48298 - Wells Family Foster | Re: Sidle, Sara
Admittance: July, 1985
Transfer Date: October 1985
Reason for Transfer: Unfit placement
Child Notes: The end of Sidle's residency in Well's foster marks one year in the system for this child. She is not seen to have progressed emotionally and refuses to visit her mother (only living relative). Sidle continues to suffer from night terrors, though the outward display of these are soothed with medication. However, Sidle often refuses to take her nightly does. The child continues to excel academically. Teachers note that she has few friends and mostly sticks to academics. The Crow family continues to fight to adopt Sidle but bureaucracy roadblocks persist. It is my professional opinion that Sidle would better thrive in the Crow home.
C444107-b - Goldman Family Foster | Re: Sidle, Sara
Admittance: October, 1985
Transfer Date: April 1986
Reason for Transfer: Transfer to Permanent Unit
Child Notes: Well's family noted similar presentations congruent with earlier reports in Sidle's behavior. The Crow family received temporary guardianship of the minor and will hold this status until Sidle's 18th birthday. Sidle is to be in care of the Crow family while continuing to receive regular visits from assigned social worker.
Grissom sighed as he finished reading the foster home reports. He had not known that Crow had been granted custody of Sara. He hadn't known how hard Crow had fought for that. It spoke volumes to his character, to his relationship with Sara. It made sense now why Crow had been in Sara's Harvard Graduation photos. Why he was there for each life event that followed. Why she was there now staying with them. While she had said that their life together was the only home she'd ever really known, he realized now that Crow's house was still a home to her. Weather she realized this or not.
His phone rang, taking him out of his thoughts.
"Grissom."
"Gil, It's Brass. We've got a situation." Brass continued on as he briefed the grave shift supervisor of the nights events. The dead girl found in Warrick's car parked at Pig Alley. Grissom quickly shoved the file into his desk draw and hurried out of the lab.