Hana: This chapter...it really hurt my poor heart. I wasn't kidding last week when I said that this week's chapter was the calm before the storm. Here's the storm...and the heartbreak.
Allen: ...
Kanda: Che. Neither of these two authors own D. Gray-man. Just read the damn thing.
... ... ... ...
+ - Chapter 42 - +
Kanda had the day off that fateful day. His initial plan was to go see Lavi about what he knew what the beansprout was up to...that was until Timcanpy started whining at the closet of all things. He brushed it off, thinking it was nothing, but when the normally happy dog started frantically scratching at the door, he grumbled in annoyance. What the fuck was wrong with him?
Irritated and slightly confused, Kanda opened the closet door. From what he could see, there didn't seem to be anything in there that would upset the dog.
That was until he found the box that was wedged between some old binders, and the wall of the closet on the only shelf there. He reached up and took it down, the box, despite its size, was a lot lighter than he thought, but there was definitely something within its contents.
He removed the lid of the box and frowned when he saw the bloody manila folder inside.
"What in the fuck?" He asked, before taking the object out. "The hell is this bullshit? This blood is weeks old at least..."
Tim pressed against his leg, and Kanda had to balance himself out. He was getting a bad feeling about this...how long ago was Allen admitted into the hospital back then? Did that mean this was Allen's blood?
Was that why Timcanpy was acting weird?
The dog whined, trying to get a whiff of the folder. He barked at it, all the while Kanda kept it out of his reach. "Calm down, Tim."
He then went to the table, and placed the folder on its surface. He eyed it skeptically, before flipping the cover open. The first thing to meet his eyes was a picture of a man he knew only too well. "O-Otou-san?" What the fuck was this?
Kanda glanced at the words beneath the picture, which told him that this man was indeed who he thought he was.
The folder was almost certainly Allen's, so why the fuck did his lover have it?
And why didn't he tell him of all these? Hell, he wasn't even aware of his father doing these things...robbed a grocery store? Killed a homeless man...? Mentally unstable? All these things only made the knot in his stomach that much tighter. It also occurred to him that Lavi knew...hell, he was pretty sure everyone knew but him...
But the one he needed to see was Lavi. He had a bone to pick with that rabbit. And when dealt with the right way would answer whether or not anyone else knew. His mind set, Kanda made a beeline for the door, folder in hand as headed towards his destination.
Then, when he was finished with Lavi, he'd confront that brat of a fiancé of his.
(* - *)
Lavi was rudely awoken to not just the banging on his door, but the sudden thrust of paper in his face. "The fuck?"
"That's what I want to ask of you." Kanda hissed.
Lavi sat up and groggily stared at the enraged Asian male, before directing his tired gaze down at the paper.
Oh. Damn.
"Where'd you get this?" Lavi asked, traces of sleep leaving him.
"So you do know about this." Kanda accused. "How long have you known? And why did you think it was a fucking good idea to keep information like this from me?"
"O-oi, hold on, Yu!" Lavi said, holding his hands up, "Listen, I only found out about what he's been up to only since the day of the party..." Something seemed to click in the red-head's mind, as he eyed Kanda skeptically. "You came to me today...because you...oh my god, did you seriously eavesdrop on Allen's and my phone call that day?"
"The brat was hiding something. I had to use what I could to figure out what."
"So you made Allen lose on purpose," Lavi realized. No wonder he'd won the bet.
"Tell me what I want to know. NOW."
Lavi dragged a hand through his wild red hair. "Didn't you read the file? It pretty much tells you everything you need to know..."
"I fucking know what I read, you shit-faced rabbit. What I want to know is who the fuck else knows about this?"
"Er..."
"Lenalee?"
"W-well...m-maybe...?"
"Kamelot?"
"I-If he was hanging around Allen..."
"Who gave him the file?"
"I can't answer that one...because I don't know..." Lavi trailed off. Didn't Allen hang around Eliade a few times? Did she know too...? "B-but! You should know he kept what he did from you because—"
"Because he didn't want me to find out."
"W-well...sorta...ah! B-but all for good reason!" Why...did it feel like he was digging his and even Allen's grave at this point?
"Let me fucking guess. It's 'not something I need to know about', 'it's nothing I should be fucking worried about'?" Kanda's cobalt eyes hardened with each guess. "What. Else. Do you. Fucking know?"
He didn't just dig his and Allen's graves...he definitely jumped right in...and Allen was close behind him at this rate.
"Um... well..." Lavi swung his legs over the edge of his bed and stood up. "That's..."
"Lavi. Don't try my fucking patience. What else. Do you. Fucking know?"
"W-well...w-what's there to t-tell you...?"
"Has Allen told you anything else?"
"Uhm... Not really..."
"I need a word with that little shit fiancé." Kanda growled, before storming off, the files in hand. Lavi had then realized one important thing. How did Kanda get into his room?!
He looked at the door. It didn't seem broken...
It wasn't until his window was opened, and Kanda jumped out onto the tree branch, when he realized that Kanda had literally snuck into his room...through his window...by climbing the tree that was right out there.
...and he never locks his window. "God dammit, Yu!"
He realized exactly what his friend had done. Kanda had in fact come in through his window, closed it once he entered, proceeded to knock on his door while he was in here, and then went to otherwise pester him on the shit he just did...maybe he didn't want to deal with the panda, but god dammit, that was a lot to go through...
. . - * - . .
Allen yawned as made his way to his class. He hadn't slept too well since Timcanpy seemed so inept on barking all night for some reason he couldn't understand. "I love him, but he needs to be quiet at night..." He muttered.
"Allen!" He turned to face the voice, seeing it was Fou coming his way. "Woah, you look like shit."
"Thanks. Tim wouldn't stop barking." Allen groaned.
"Maybe there's something wrong with him," Fou suggested, stuffing her hands into her pants pockets.
"Tim's perfectly healthy, actually." Allen muttered...before yawning. "He was barking at the closet for whatever reason..." He was too tired to remember what he hid in there. He knew it must've been important...but he couldn't place it on what...he'd have to look into the closet when he got home...
"Hmm. Weird. Well, don't fall asleep in class."
"M'tryin' not to righ' now..."
"Good luck, Walker." Fou said. "Need help getting to class?"
"...maybe..."
"I think you mean 'definitely'," she sighed. "How is it that your sense of direction still sucks so bad?"
"I can get there. M'just so tired..."
"Class is the other way."
"...dammit."
"That's what I thought." Fou felt that she shouldn't be used to this. It was pitiful. "Follow me."
"Yes ma'am..." Allen sighed, following his friend. "...how's Bak been doing?"
"Baka Bak is baka Bak." Fou said, shrugging her shoulders. "Love him, but damn, he works too hard."
"Waiter, Professor, and Forensics...was it? How d'ya manage t'get CIA as par' time thin'?"
"Connections."
"Some connections," he muttered. "Must be difficult for him."
"He's happy." Fou said.
"How? Does he like stress?"
Fou shrugged her slight shoulders. "Maybe."
It wasn't too much longer before they were at the classroom they needed to be at. "Wish me luck." Groaned Allen.
"Why? That won't stop you from sleeping."
"I hate you." The younger muttered.
"I'm just being realistic here," Fou told the boy. "You probably won't even last ten minutes."
"If I last eleven, you buy me lunch today."
"Deal." Fou said. "If you fall asleep in five, you're buying me a meal." She wasn't worried either way. She had the funds to feed Allen if need be. After all, there were instances where he'd forget his own wallet…an interesting story to say the least.
"You're on." Allen felt pleased with himself. Yes! Free food from Fou! On the other hand, he had an uphill battle before him now...and this class was super boring...I think I can do this...just stay up to eleven minutes! Yes! Let's do this!
Allen found himself a seat and sat down, eyelids drooping. He pinched himself to stay awake.
The class droned on, as the professor continued his lesson. Wasn't there a website to get an idea on what students said about professors like these? He should've looked up these people beforehand...how long had he managed to stay awake? He looked over to Fou, who grinned and held up three fingers. She mouthed the word 'minutes' and Allen internally groaned.
He wouldn't give up. He would make it to eleven minutes even if it killed him!
(* - *)
"Shuddup." Allen growled, pouting all the way to the cafeteria. "I don't see why you're even laughing, when you ended up not winning either."
"I'll give you credit where it counts, Allen." Fou pointed out. "You got so close to that eleven minute mark, but fell asleep before you made it."
"It was just so boring," the Brit whined, still tired despite his nap.
"But even you don't normally fall asleep." Fou pointed out, opening the door to the dining area.
"Fine...I'll give you that point." Allen muttered.
"And I'll take it. Now, I'm going to go buy my lunch, while you go buy yours."
"Yeah, yeah..." The younger sighed.
"Don't be so down. You have a fiancé that'll probably be waiting for you at home with a whole feast prepared for dinner."
"He's usually busy with work," Allen reminded the woman. "What you described is actually pretty rare."
"Whoa, for real?" Fou asked in disbelief. "Well...I guess I should've figured."
"He's not a cheapskate, if that's what you're implying, Fou." Allen chided. "Yu's...been super busy the past few days with his case. Today is the first day in a while he's had a legitimate day off."
"Then why don't you make him dinner?"
"Ah..." Allen wished he could, he really did but... "I'm not allowed in the kitchen."
"Why?"
"I...might've sorta kinda...almost blew up the kitchen?"
Fou blinked, before looking at the white-haired male. "Seriously."
"Seriously."
"Man, I feel sorry for Kanda."
"EH!? Why for that bastard?!"
"Because you blew up his kitchen."
"Oh..."
"And because he's about to marry someone who can't cook, which means that he'll have to do it all the time," Fou added. "Sucks to be him."
"I'm going to learn! A-and Wisely's gonna teach me how!"
"Good luck to him then." Fou sighed.
"Hey! Once I learn, the food I'll make will be amazing."
"Doubt it," the young woman said with a smirk, "but good on you for still dreaming."
"Fou!"
. . - * - . .
The flat was dark when Allen returned later that day. It was strange, to say the least...why would all the lights be off? He didn't even hear Timcanpy anywhere...where was that goofball dog?
He knew he saw his fiancé's car in its spot... "Yu?"
He was met with silence. Turning to the table, in hopes of finding a snack, Allen's heart sunk when he saw a very familiar box sitting there. A very familiar box...with the very familiar folder missing from within.
"Oh..." Dread built up within him the longer he stared at the box, willing this to be another one of those horrible hallucinations of his.
When it proved to be otherwise, Allen realized he had no idea as to what he should do.
He'd thought for sure that there was no way this would happen. He'd thought that he would be able to get away with it all and Kanda would never had to find out what his only living parent was up to.
He'd thought wrong...so terribly wrong. The panic began to set in, as he sunk to his knees. "Th-this can't be happening...I-it ca-can't be..."
But it is~ and now it'll all come unraveling!
"No..."
You know? You're right about one thing. You're not me...you're far worse...you're the scum of the earth...and now, despite the warnings, everything you've worked for...will be torn away from your greedy little hands~
He didn't want this. He wanted everything to go back to how it'd been before Raku had begun impersonating Crowned Clown.
He didn't want to have to face Kanda coming through the front door and telling him what he already knew: that he was a lying, deceitful wretch who didn't deserve the year they'd spent together. That he was a coward and a brat and a horrible excuse for a human being.
"I...I can't stay here..." The young male's voice waivered, he stood, ready to at least pack a bag, when he heard the door open. The jangling of tags could be heard, followed by a gruff 'calm down, you hyper fur ball.'
Timcanpy's bark resounded along the walls as he bounded right where Allen was standing. He screamed in surprise when he was tackled, and a slobbery tongue began to lick his face. "Dammit, Tim, what did I..." Kanda's words cut off when he saw the struggling male, trying to get Timcanpy off him. "Moyashi."
Allen's struggles ceased, his whole body stiffening, as his heartrate sped up. Eh~? Lookie here~ you're in so much trouble, Allen Walker
"Y-Yu?"
Kanda automatically glanced towards the box, then down at the boy on the floor, who looked stricken.
"I take it, I don't need to play cop." Kanda said, as he crossed his arms. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"U-Um..." He'd finally managed to get Tim off of him, though still kept the faithful companion near him, as his heart was racing faster than he thought was a safe rate. "H-how much..."
"My father seems to have taken your job in recent events. Care to explain why you thought that was information I shouldn't know about, Allen?"
"Ah... Y'see... that's..." Allen knew that Kanda was mad — furious, even — but just by looking at his fiancé, he couldn't tell exactly how mad that was because the man didn't really appear angry. Kanda just looked... blank.
He was really in trouble... God, Kanda wouldn't ask for the ring back, would he? Allen didn't know if he could go through with that.
"I'm waiting."
His body acting on its own Allen ended up quickly adjusting his positon, hands and knees with his forehead touching the floor, and his hands before him, as though he were a peasant begging to royalty. "I-I'm s-sorry...I-I'm s-so s-sorry..." This time the tears were unrestricted. "I-I d-didn't...I n-n-never w-wanted..."
Allen was pitiful. Kanda wouldn't deny that. But the fact of the matter was, the person he put his trust in had destroyed it. "You lied about not hiding anything else. At the elevator that day, I gave you a choice to tell me. But you didn't."
"I-I..."
"Let me finish, Allen Walker." Kanda almost snarled. He really was trying to keep a level head on this one.
Without looking up, the smaller nodded timidly.
He felt the tears rolling down his face, some of them running down his nose and dripping to the floor below.
"I've given you pleanty of times to tell me what was on your mind." Kanda continued. "And you continued to say nothing. Do you know how livid I had been when I found that box this morning?"
"V-very..."
"Over the fucking moon with anger, Allen." Kanda said as he eyed the younger. "Don't you think I would've liked to of known that small detail of Crowned Clown? You were brave enough to admit that the Akuma Killer and Crowned Clown were the same. I was pleased you admitted that bit of knowledge."
Allen bit down on his lower lip to keep himself from making a sound, his body trembling as he contained his sobs. This wasn't about him right now. He could cry like that later.
"And yet, for whatever reason you and only God seem know, you neglected to tell me that Raku Kanda, my father was the asshole killer we were fucking searching for."
"I'm s-sorry," Allen whispered, throat feeling incredibly thick.
"I don't want a fucking apology!"
Allen flinched, his hands on the ground clenching into fists.
"What I want to know," Kanda said, "Is why the fuck you kept this from me."
"I-I... didn't... w-want y-you to know..." Allen admitted, sniffling pathetically.
Of course...he should've expected that answer. "What would you have gained keeping this from me? You of all people would know I'd of found out either by your folly, or through forensics."
The Brit's face and chest burned, but the rest of him felt terribly cold. "I-I'm sor—"
"You're only sorry that you were caught," Kanda growled.
"I-If not 'sorry'...th-then what d-do you want m-me to say?" Allen said, unable to keep his voice from cracking, "Y-you yourself k-kept things f-from me...is w-what I did a-any w-worse than w-what you did?"
Shut up, stupid Allen! His inner voice warned.
"What I did?"
Allen raised his form, sitting on his haunches to look up at the elder with defiant teary eyes. "Yes w-what you did! You were talking to T-Tyki Mikk of all p-people! Y-you...you're the one wh-who paid his bail in th-the first place, aren't you? "
You damn fool! Stop!
"So what if I was? Do you think I liked the idea of being that bastard's out of jail card?"
"You s-still... let h-him out."
"Because I knew he would be useful to the case. I should have just brought you in, seeing as you knew everything already." Kanda uncrossed his arms and scowled at the boy on the floor. "Oh, that's right. You would have kept everything from me," the Japanese male spat bitterly. "Even though we're fucking engaged and weren't supposed to lie to each other anymore."
"I wasn't...lying." Allen reasoned, "Just...not telling you things..."
Kanda's fingers twitched, itching for Mugen. If this was anyone but his fiancé... "Is that the angle you're playing?"
"B-But it's the truth..." His argument didn't really seem as sound as it should've been to him earlier... "Please...I-I didn't s-say anything b-because I didn't think—"
"Yes. You didn't think. That does seem to be a problem with you."
"Th-that's not what I meant!" Allen said, feeling desperate. "I didn't want you finding out because...b-because...I didn't think you n-needed t-to know...because...you were b-busy...a-and..." Damn these tears! "I...I didn't want you to g-get upset..."
"Didn't want me to get upset." Kanda scowled. "Tell me, Allen, how did that turn out? I'm perhaps more upset about you not telling me this vital information than I would've been if you had."
"I w-wanted to p-prote—"
"The fact of the matter is," Kanda snapped, once more cutting his fiancé off mid-sentence, "you kept this from me."
"I WANTED TO PROTECT YOU, BAKANDA!" Allen screamed out, hiccupping as tears fell freely once more. "th-that's all...I was t-trying to d-do..."
"By keeping me in the dark?" The older male scoffed. He couldn't find it in himself to care that his lover was crying. He was too pissed for that.
"I thought it was the right thing...a-at the time..."
"You had weeks, maybe even months to tell me. Surely it occurred to you at least once that maybe you were fucking wrong?"
"I..."
"Che. Listen well, you little idiot," Kanda spat, "I had put my trust in you. When I asked you to marry me, I expected there to be nothing that would drive a wedge like this one between us."
"W-Well...what do you want me t-to say then Yu?!" Allen demanded from his older lover, "If you d-don't want an a-apology f-from me, then what? What do you want?"
Kanda grit his teeth, dark blue eyes dragging themselves over the pathetic form on the floor.
"What is it you want?! I'm already on my knees...I'm already crying in shame for my actions...you won't accept any apology from me, and it's the only thing I can do!" Allen breathed heavily.
"That's not good enough!" Kanda hissed. "I didn't think this would happen, and I honestly expected better of you! You betrayed me!"
"I betrayed you?" Allen asked, a chuckle escaping his lips. Another chuckle, and more began to make themselves known soon becoming the laughter of a madman. "I betrayed you, was it?" He stood glaring up at the elder with a look that hadn't been used in a long a while, and Kanda, unsuspecting of the dead bemusement the younger was emitting, was incredibly shocked for an instant. "Now you listen here, Yu Kanda. Believe what you're pride wants you to believe. But in the end, I doubt you were any better than I am now, am I right?"
"You little piece of—"
"Lemme bloody well finish, you arrogant son of a bitch!" Allen was jabbing at Kanda's chest in anger, "Yer no better than me. I'm sorry if I damaged yer 'manly pride', or some bullocks, but here's a bloody-arsed news flash fer tha' tiny li'l brain' of yers! y'lied t'me, too y'dipshit!"
"I didn't lie to you about your father being a murderer!"
"You still lied!" Allen shot back, now as furious as his fiancé. "You lied firs' an' kept all sorts of shite from me!"
"You—!"
Allen held up his hand, the hand sporting the ring Kanda have given him. The younger male's expression, went from angered to sorrowful. "I think...we need time away from each other for a while..." Allen managed to say. He took his hand closer to him, and removed the ring upon his finger. Walking to Kanda, he took the elder's hand, and placed the ring in the palm. "What was the phrase again? 'Oh what a tangled web we weave, when we practice to deceive.'…I guess...that's our lives in a nutshell, now…right?" Silver eyes closed as a stray tear fell down his cheek, as he closed Kanda's hand around the ring. "I'm sorry I lied...I'm sorry we're so broken now…Yu…"
Timcanpy whimpered, having been hiding behind the couch. Allen smiled sadly to his dog, and whistled for him to come. "We're going now, Tim." He turned back to Kanda, but said nothing, as he ran off, the worried dog following suit.
And that was the last time in a while Kanda would see his beloved moyashi.
... ... ... ...
My poor heart...this chapter...this chapter right here...it hurts.
R&R ain't for Rest and Relaxation. Even though I know I need it. Leave a review and let us know how we're doing! Show the story some love by favoriting this work, and hey why not follow to stay up to date with new chapters? Go check out XavierForest's stuff if you hadn't, and we'll see you next week on...
Fade to Gray.