Four days, seven hours, and fifty-two minutes.
Donnie had to force himself not to count the seconds, though that didn't stop him from hearing them tick by in his head. Picking up his coffee mug, he took a long swallow of the now cold liquid before pushing himself up from his desk.
Mikey lay motionless on the cot, as he had been ever since Donnie had finally completed the long, arduous process of cleaning, stitching, and bandaging the horrific gashes where Shredder had run him through. That night had been one of the longest Donnie had ever known, each minute spent in terror that he would fail, that his only little brother would slip away from them forever.
Morning had finally come, and with it a small sense of relief. Mikey had gotten no worse, and even more encouraging, the bleeding stopped. Donnie was hopeful that this meant he would soon turn for the better.
But it seemed luck wasn't on their side. His breathing and heartbeat remained unnaturally slow, and every time Don pulled back an eyelid the blue eyes underneath were unresponsive and dull. After four days there should have more improvement, however small, but Donnie just wasn't seeing it. It was as if Mikey's condition was somehow frozen in place.
Donnie took a deep breath, then carefully undid the sling on his brother's left arm before unwrapping his shoulder. Even though he'd been expecting it, his heart still twisted at the faint smears of blood on the white fabric.
"Why aren't you getting better, huh?" he whispered. "How do I help you?"
Mikey didn't move, not a single twitch. Donnie felt tears sting in his eyes, but shook his head and knuckled them away before they could fall. He couldn't let himself be distracted. He had to focus, or he couldn't figure out how to help. Steeling himself, he put on his doctor mask and performed the daily motions of checking Mikey's stitches, then cleaning and disinfecting the wounds before wrapping them in fresh bandages. He managed a smile as he gently replaced his little brother's arm in the sling, then drew the blankets up to his chin.
"There you go, Mikey. I know this is hard, but don't worry, okay? Whatever's going on, I'll figure it out." He reached out, his fingers gently brushing a pale, freckled cheek. There was no reaction. Donnie swallowed hard, forcing his voice not to break.
"We're gonna get you through this. I promise, little brother. I promise."
The lump in his throat grew so tight he was forced to suck in a sharp breath, clutching the frame of the cot as he ordered himself not to cry.
The sound of the lab door sliding open made him jump. Blinking away the threatening tears, he turned and frowned as Raphael entered. It was barely two hours since Leo had practically dragged him out, ignoring the weary protests and threats. The dark circles under his eyes were just as deep, and the same exhausted shuffle in his steps.
"I thought you were gonna get some sleep."
Raph grunted.
"Did. I just woke up, so I'm back."
Donnie's frown deepened as his red-banded brother sank into the chair beside Mikey's cot, resting a hand on his arm as the frown softened just a little. The past days had been hell for everyone, but Raph was the one he was most worried about. He had been like a ticking minefield the first few days, which was scary enough, but now it was as if he didn't have the will or the energy to be angry. Even his hostility toward Karai had turned into something more like cold indifference.
That hadn't stopped him from growling a colorful string of threats the one time she attempted to enter the lab, though. Since then, Karai had avoided not only him but also almost everyone in the lair. The only one she spoke more than a few words to was Splinter, and just when he sought her out.
Leo was doing his best to keep up a brave front, offering words of reassurance or an encouraging hand to anyone he could. Yet each day saw him spending more and more time in meditation or aggressive training, and that was enough to tell that he was nowhere near as collected as he tried to act.
Sensei remained the pillar of strength and quiet assurance that he always was in the hardest times, but there were hints that the situation was wearing on him too. The signs of weariness grew less subtle every day, and even in the lab he would spend most of the time in meditation… deep meditation, from the look of it.
At first it seemed like nothing unusual, but doubt was starting to creep in. Being the one who spent the most time in the lab, Donatello was the first to notice that the meditations seemed to be having adverse effects on Splinter. It almost seemed to leave him more sad and weary than before he started, and it got more noticeable each time. Of course, any questions met with an encouraging but vague response, and no one was willing to push the subject.
Donnie slumped and rubbed his forehead, trying to ease the throbs of a blooming migraine. Heaven knew they'd been through plenty of bad times before, but this time wasn't the same. The dark cloud hanging over everyone was heavier and constant now that their perpetual ray of sunshine wasn't there to break it up. That thought only made Don's fear of failure greater. Bad as things were already, how would the family bear it if…
No. He scrubbed at his eyes furiously before focusing back on the mountain of research on his desk. They would find a way to fix this. He wouldn't fail.
…
Journeying the astral plain was not a thing to be taken lightly. So many times Splinter had heard that warning, and just as many times he had given it. He wondered what his sons would think if they knew how much he had disregarded his own warning these past days. He hoped that they wouldn't find out… heaven knew that his children were suffering enough without knowing the risks he was taking.
Yet there was no other option. While Donatello remained determined to find a remedy for his brother's condition, Splinter knew it wouldn't be that simple. From the first time that he tried to connect with Michelangelo, he knew how serious it was. Even though his youngest still lived, he was lost. The exuberant light of his spirit had disappeared into a cold, dark mist… one so heavy that at first Splinter had feared it was gone. Only the barest, faintest flicker behind the fog had told him there was still hope. That hope gave him the strength he so needed as he continued his efforts to reach Michelangelo, to draw his lost, wounded spirit from the shadows, so that his family could guide him home.
Taking a deep breath, Splinter allowed his eyes to drift closed as he rested on his mat. The urge to return to the lab pulled at him, but the throbbing ache in his head and the exhaustion weighing down his limbs told him that this would bring more harm than good. The rest of the family would have their roles to play in time, but this task required a skill obtained from years of experience that none of them yet possessed. This was the main reason why Splinter hadn't told them the exact nature of his meditations… he knew that they would attempt it as well, and his children were not ready for such a burden. He had failed them enough already… he would not allow any more harm to come to them.
S' better… this way…
Splinter's ears flattened. Once he had realized the implication behind those words, it had felt like a knife plunging into his heart. He had always known that despite his bright, joyful attitude, there was insecurity in his youngest son. While it sometimes concerned Splinter, he had held off speaking to Michelangelo about it in hopes that he would discover his worth on his own. Never had he thought his good intentions would lead to one of his worst fears threatening to become a reality… sacrificing one of his children for another.
Splinter clenched his hands together even more tightly, forcing back the wave of despair threatening to overwhelm him. That fear had not come to be yet, and as long as he still breathed he would do all in his power to prevent it. He would not give up until his youngest was returned to them.
…
Leo completed his kata with a sweeping kick, then gritted his teeth as he turned to stick the landing. He kept his focus, counting down the seconds until his feet would touch… Just then, the side of his foot hit the ground. Caught off guard, Leo felt his entire frame tighten.
No, no!
Sure enough, his side slammed into the floor and the air rushed from his lungs in a heavy grunt. For a few minutes Leo could only lay on the dojo floor, stunned. Once he had regained enough air, he pushed himself up onto his hands and knees. The frustration welling deep inside him escaped in a low growl as he struck the floor with a tight fist. He had done that kata hundreds of times, he knew the movements exactly. He should have been able to avoid a stupid mistake like that.
Just like he should have been able to keep his brothers safe. A vision flashed in front of him of his littlest brother: pale, unmoving, his eyes not even twitching under the closed lids. Every harsh word he had ever said, that he had allowed the others to say against Mikey, raced through his mind. He had jumped into that fight with the Shredder because he believed those words… because he thought his life was worth the least. He saw himself as unneeded, expendable.
How could he have been so blind? Mikey was sensitive, Leo knew that. Everyone knew that. How could they not have seen that those words were affecting him? How could Leo not have seen it?
You could have, a nasty voice hissed in his mind. You just chose not to. If he was any better, you knew he'd be better than you.
In that moment, the cold fist clutching Leo's heart twisted. Was that it? Had he been pushing his brother down, just to protect his own selfish pride?
The horrible thought sent tears streaming from Leo's eyes as he lowered his head to the floor, shoulders shaking with quiet sobs.
What have I done? Oh, Mikey… I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
…
Raph sat on the stool beside his brother's cot, never once taking his eyes off the small turtle. All these days, and nothing was changing. Raph might not be smart as
Donnie, but he knew that was bad. He'd heard Donnie talking to Splinter last night, and none of that was good either. They had almost none of the proper equipment for long-term care, and even less chance of getting any. Not to mention the fact that Donnie wasn't sure it would do any good if they did.
Even worse was what Raph had heard Don whisper near the end, as if he himself was afraid to hear it.
"It's almost like his body is in some sort of suspended animation, but if that were the case I'd have expected to see at least some level of healing by now." There was a pause, a heavy sigh. "Either way, he can't last like this. If it doesn't change in the next few days, his body won't be able to keep it up."
Raph clenched his jaw and took Mikey's hand in a tight grip. The same horrible images flashed in front of his eyes: the Shredder's sickening smile, the flash of his blades, his brother's stunned look as they ran through his shoulder, the blood… so much blood.
A growl rumbled in Raph's throat, so feral that it almost scared him. With some reluctance he let go of Mikey's hand, not trusting himself to keep from crushing it, and gripped the side of the cot as he fought to control his anger. Finally it began to abate, and in its place came a wave of intense exhaustion. His head was suddenly so heavy that he let it drop down onto the cot. Gently, he lifted his baby brother's hand in his own again.
Come on, Mikey. I don't care how long you wanna snooze, but just don't… don't go somewhere we can't get to you. Please, little brother.
His mind grew fuzzy and it felt like weights were pulling on his eyelids. With a sigh, he let them drift closed but kept hold of Mikey's hand. His thumb moved in slow, gentle circles across the rough skin.
All of a sudden, Raph jolted upright. After realizing he'd nodded off and berating himself for it, he heard soft footsteps entering the room behind him. Despite the exhaustion his senses immediately tuned, telling him who it was. He was on his feet in seconds and facing the newcomer, fists clenched.
"I told you to stay out."
It gave him savage pleasure to see Karai flinch, but she didn't move back.
"I just wanted to see…"
Raph growled, cutting her off.
"There's nothing to see. He's still out, he's still not better, and we still don't know if he's ever wakin' up."
He stalked a few steps closer, glaring at her.
"And you know why? Remember what he said, back at Foot Headquarters? He thought he was worth less than you. That's why he did it."
Karai flinched again, but still didn't back away. That only made him angrier, but before he could say anything she drew a deep breath.
"I know there is nothing I can say or do that would ever…"
Finally, Raph's anger reached its boiling point. He heard his hand connect before his vision cleared. Karai had stumbled back a few steps, a hand pressed to the side of her face. There was no shock in her face, only sadness, but Raph didn't notice. He barely heard his own furious voice bouncing off the walls.
"Who're you trying to kid?! Don't think that just 'cause you can sweet-talk Leo and Sensei, you can pull it off with me!"
"Raphael!"
Splinter was suddenly there, quickly moving between him and Karai. His ears were flat against his head, eyes narrowed in anger.
"I know that this has been very difficult for you, and so have been willing to tolerate your behavior. But this is unacceptable!"
Those words only poured fuel on the fire.
"Unacceptable?!" Raph exploded. "What's unacceptable is that Mikey's laying here half dead while SHE'S walking around like all the things she's done don't even matter!"
A tiny part of him was shocked at himself; Raph had always been one to lose his temper easily, but he had never turned it against his sensei. The rest of him, though, was too angry to care.
"Mikey did this to himself 'cause he thought it was we wanted, what YOU wanted!"
Raph narrowed his eyes, and found himself blurting out one of his darkest thoughts.
"For all we know, it was. It's not like any of us were really yours to begin with, so given the choice it's no contest!"
"Raph, stop it!"
Raph's furious gaze moved to the doorway, where Leo was giving him a fierce look. Oh no, he was not going to take a lecture from Captain Kiss up.
"You're one to talk, Fearless! The minute we found out who she was, you haven't thought of anything besides getting her back! And I don't know which reason's more pathetic… that you had it bad for her or you were just desperate for Sensei's approval! Well, I hope it was worth it!"
"How can you…?!"
The sharp sound of Splinter's cane hitting the floor brought instant silence. Still simmering with resentment, Raph looked at the large rat, but any fierce words were cut off by what he saw. Splinter hung his head, ears and whiskers drooping. His grip on the cane was tight, as if it was needed to hold him up. He took a deep breath, then drew himself up a little as he released it.
"Leonardo, Miwa, please go. I wish to speak to Raphael."
Raph watched with a resentful glare as the two obeyed, but then realized that Splinter's gaze had fallen back on him. Slight guilt tempered his anger, but only a little, and he stood his ground. If he was going to have a dressing down from Sensei, he wasn't going to take it lying down.
But Splinter only continued to look at him, and Raph suddenly realized how weary and sad he looked. The hothead was about to lower his eyes when Splinter finally spoke.
"There can be no one place to assign blame in something that came about as the result of many different things. I know that you are consumed with fear for your brother, as we all are. But the terrible anger you also cling to has no purpose now."
Raph felt his temper flare again, but another look at Sensei's face stopped him. He looked so sad, and there was an edge to his voice that was almost pleading.
"No one of us is enemy to each other any longer. To harbor grudges or mistrust is something we can no longer afford to do."
Shame rippling over the anger, Raph bowed his head.
"S-Sensei…"
A gentle hand on his shoulder cut him off. When he looked up again, Splinter was looking at him with a strange intensity, concern and sympathy in the dark eyes.
"My son, do you truly believe that Miwa wishes us harm? Is that truly what is angering you so?"
Raph felt as if his brain was suddenly being pulled at in every direction.
"I… I don't know… I just… just…"
He blinked, and there was something warm and wet on his cheeks. Tears. Two arms wrapped around his tense form, and it was suddenly as if all Raph's strength was drained away. Gasping sobs tore from his chest as he slumped against his father, fingers clutching his kimono.
"I tried… tried to get there… it's my fault…
The arms encircling him grew tighter.
"No, my son," Splinter's voice was firm, but gentle. "Never think that you are at fault for what has happened. The blame lies with Shredder, and only him."
Raph continued to cling to his father, shaking and weeping until he was spent. He lifted his head to look at Splinter, and his voice trembled as he spoke.
"I-is he gonna be okay?"
The look on Splinter's face made his heart skip with fear. The ninja master released a heavy sigh.
"I… cannot tell yet. But we must not give in to despair. Your brother is strong, and I know he will fight with all he has to return to us."
Raph felt his shoulders slump, even though he had expected an answer like that. At another time it might have been encouraging, but now it just felt empty. Splinter released a quiet sigh.
"Go now and rest, Raphael. I will watch over your brother."
Despite his reluctance, Raph nodded. With a sad look at Mikey, he turned and trudged from the room. The lair was so quiet. It was weird… at one time he thought some quiet would be the best, and now it was driving him crazy. He wasn't sure how much longer he could stand it.
The sound of quiet voices made him hesitate.
"Don't take it too hard." That was Leo. "This is really hard on him…"
"No… he was right."
Raph blinked at the utter dejection in Karai's voice. Slowly, he walked to the lair's entrance. Leo was sitting beside Karai, a hand on her shoulder. She was sitting with her knees drawn up, her head hanging.
"All of this is because of me. If I had listened to Father, if I hadn't tried to face Shredder in the first place, none of this would have happened."
Raph hesitated, then stepped forward and cleared his throat. Leo and Karai looked up, then Leo quickly rose to his feet.
"Raph…"
The hothead raised a hand, stopping Leo's words.
"Relax, I'm not here to fight."
He looked at Karai, who was slowly rising to her feet. She kept her head bowed, clearly waiting for another dressing-down. Taking a deep breath, Raph sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry, really. I was way out of line."
Karai slowly looked up, then lowered her eyes again.
"It's all right, I understand. You don't have much reason to trust me, and I know there's no way I can take back everything I've done."
Raph sighed, shaking his head.
"We've got to forget about that."
He wasn't surprised at the shock on the others' faces… this was the last thing even he would expect from himself.
"It's like Master Splinter said, we're not enemies anymore and I never should have acted like we were. Mikey needs us to be working together."
Leo and Karai stood in silence, staring. Raph sighed and shrugged, but the sound of running feet drew everyone's attention. Donnie came rushing out, his eyes wide.
"Master Splinter wants us all in the lab, now," he said. "It's about Mikey."