November 2008
It had been a few weeks since receiving Sara's video, since breaking down completely. Slowly he rebuilt his exterior. Hiding once again behind work to shun the pain, the sorrow. And he was doing well at it too, until he opened a letter on his desk.
"You have been subpoenaed" The words read, "People Vs. Natalie Davis" "Transfer hearing" "Mandated by law to appear" "Consider for transfer from hospital to prison" His breath caught in his throat. Flashes from the cases filed into ins mind's eye, reliving each harrowing scene. And then Sara—Finding her miniature in his office, the despair he felt, helpless, hopeless despair. Finding the car without her in sight. Finding the dead hiker, the feeling washing over him that she could die out there. Then, finding her, sunburnt and beaten, unconscious. He couldn't breathe.
He quickly stood and rushed out of his office.
"Natalie Davis. You're a serial killer. You crushed the skull of a rock star when he was eating breakfast. You poisoned an elderly woman and convultions sent her flailing through a window. You electrocuted a janitor at a chicken slaughter house, you gassed an undercover cop. And when your foster father, in an attempt to save you confessed to the murders in a video suicide, you kidnapped a CSI and trapped her under a car alone in a desert and left her to die there. You were captured and tried by a jury of your peers in the court of law, and what was the verdict?"
"I was found guilty but mentally ill."
Grissom sat in the back of the small court room and watched as Natalie Davis answered the prosecutor's questions. It was the first time he'd seen Natalie since the orginal trial, when he was subpoenaed to testify against her then. Sara had been too, but he didn't go to her part of the trial. She had asked him not to. At the time, he couldn't quite understand why, but he respected her wishes.
"What does that mean?" Mrs. Nicoles pressed.
"That means when I committed my crimes, I knew that what I was doing was wrong. But after I was arrested I suffered a psychotic breakdown."
"You were diagnosed with catatonic schizophrenia. You don't seem catatonic right now."
Catatonic Schizophrenia. Grissom restated in his head. He had known this was her diagnosis at the time of her trial based on mental evaluations by professionals. But for the first time, he seemed to make a connection. Sara had been the victim, yet again, of a woman with schizophrenia. Perhaps it had been because he'd so recently read her case files from foster care that he was able to make this connection now. Could that be why this ordeal had impacted her far beyond what he'd expected?
"I'm taking medications that make that go away."
Sara's mother was on a similar medication regiment, he noted.
"And how do you feel?"
"I feel like I used to. Normal."
"And that is why you no longer need to be treated in a psychiatric facility. You are well enough to server the sentence you were given. You're not mentally ill. Not anymore. You're just guilty."
Natalie stepped off the stand and took a seat, looking back she spotted Grissom sitting there in a pew behind her.
"These proceedings will resume at 10am tomorrow. Until then, we are adjourned." The judge hit his gavel and Natalie was escorted out. Grissom watched as she walked away.
"Dr. Grissom"
"Mrs. Nicoles."
"Glad to see you. Is Sara coming too?"
"I'm afraid she's not available." He spoke sadly.
"I see." She paused before continuing, "You know Gil, you were the only person in the room when Natalie had her psychotic break. It would really help me out if you'd get up there and testify."
"I can't render an opinion about her mental state. I'm not a psychiatrist or a psychologist."
"I'd call you as a percipient witness. You'd only have to testify about what you observed with your own eyes. How she was then, how she is now. I can arrange a meeting with Natalie."
"Okay." His voice was soft and small, "I would like to see her."
The next morning, Grissom entered the laundry facility at the mental institution where Natalie was being treated.
"Hello, Natalie."
"Hello," She looked up from her task to see Grissom standing there, "I wasn't surprised to see you yesterday."
"You weren't?" Grissom demeanor was soft, understanding, non-judgemental.
"You want to see me go to jail. I understand that. People who do bad things need to be punished."
"Well I think you're already being punished."
"Then why did you come here?"
"The only time I ever saw you, you weren't yourself. I wanted to see the person you really are."
"Well, here I am. Is Sara going to speak at the hearing too?"
"No. She doesn't work with us anymore."
"Because of what I did to her?"
"I don't know."
"She left Las Vegas?"
"She did."
"Where is she now?"
"I don't know."
Natalie nodded as she continued to fold a white cotton sheet methodically. "You're not together."
"No." Grissom voice was even smaller now, not having said that aloud until this moment.
"It is because of me. I can see it in your eyes." She paused before continuing, keeping her eyes on Grissom's, "I'm very sorry, about what i did to Sara—And to you. My foster father killed himself because of me. I was wrong to blame anyone else for it."
"Is that how you really feel? Or how you think you should feel?"
"It is how I feel." She placed the folded sheet in a pile and started on the next one, "I didn't know how similar Sara and I were until I drove her out to the desert that night." Natalie began. Her speech staccato, "She told me about her time in foster care, pleading with me to let her go." Grissom squinted in pain, getting his first glimpse into what actually happened that night during the time between Sara being tasered and then found by Nick. "She told me about her father. About her mother. What her mother did to her."
Grissom swallowed hard, trying to keep a poker face not to give Natalie the satisfaction that these words were almost too much for him to bare. Especially because he needed to hear more. Sara had not once spoken about what happened during that time of the night as Natalie transported her.
Natalie continued, "I told her that Ernie was the only person I ever loved." She looked down at the sheet before gazing back up to Grissom, "She tried desperately to deny her relationship with you, grasping at anything that would help her stay alive. But I could see it. The way her eyes lit up at your name. She couldn't hide it from me."
"Natalie..."
"I know. It was a horrible thing." She spoke, "But I thought you should now... people can change."
Grissom sat on the stand now as Mrs. Nicolas asked him questions about Natalie's metal state:
"...By the time she was captured she had kidnapped a member of your team. You interviewed her one time, why only that once?"
Grissom proceeded to explain what he viewed when Natalie slipped into her psychotic break. Reliving the moment, the despair. The lucid feeling that Sara was gone.
Natalie's defense stood, taking his place to begin to ask Grissom questions, his cross-examination:
"I really only have one thing to ask you Dr. Grissom: What do you hope to get out of coming here?"
"I don't understand the question."
"Let me help. Are you trying to punish Natalie for what she did to Sara Sidle? Your co-worker and lover?"
"During the interview, I did become... frustrated."
"Oh, I know. I saw the police video. You violently shook Ms. Davis when she wouldn't give you Ms. Sidle's location. If you had been alone and unsupervised, you probably would have beaten it out of her."
"Objection, this is hypothetical." Mrs. Nicolas stated, but Grissom answered anyway.
"As I said I was frustrated. I was also afraid for my coworker."
"And lover." The defense interjected, "So you are here for revenge. Ms. Sidle has since left the department, left Las Vegas, left you? Perhaps because of the incident."
"Objection! Relevance."
Grissom laughed through a sigh, "I don't care about revenge. I have no stake in the outcome of these proceedings. Whether Natalie stays here or goes to prison, is at the discretion of this court. I've been trying to believe that people can change. Even people who are damaged. But I don't know if they can." He looked down at his hands sadly, "I just don't know." The damaged person he was referring to was himself, and Natalie could see right through him.
"Your wrong about me." Natalie stood now wearing an orange prison jumpsuit, ready to be transferred. Grissom stood in the doorway, "I really have changed." She walked past him and turned back, "And I really do believe that people who do bad things need to be punished."
It was a few minutes later as he stood alone in the now empty room that he found her last miniature. Herself, hanging. He looked at it horrified.
He took the circuitous route back to the lab, needing the time to himself to think, to process. Before he realized it, it was headed home instead of the lab. He walked in for the first time in nearly a week and was assaulted by all the good memories of Sara. Sitting on the couch, he caught site of the Sunday cross word he had began filling out last week sitting on the coffee table, only half done. Sara would have already finished it for him by now, he mused and smiled sadly, allowing himself to admit just how much he missed her.
The loft was painfully quiet. He didn't even have Hank anymore, he realized sadly. Two years had come and gone and Peter had returned from being stationed in the middle east. He'd returned to Vegas, and returned to reunite with his dog, Hank. Thanking Grissom thoroughly for looking after him for all these years. Everything was changing around him, and he was staying the same.
Natalie's words from earlier in the day assaulted him. Replaying what she said about Sara in his mind. The images of the abduction rushing through him again:
Her eyes flickering open, if only briefly, as the helicopter took off.
Her hand in his, limp and lifeless.
Her eyes when they opened in the hospital, confused and in pain
Her soft smile when she saw him by her bedside
The way she whispered 'I love you' through her pain
The excited look she presented at seeing Dave Crow enter her room
Dave. He thought quickly and picked up his phone, effortlessly dialing his number:
"Crow."
"Crow, it's Grissom."
"Gil." Crow's voice softened, "I've been expecting your call for some time now. How are you?"
"Im alright, and yourself?"
"No really, how are you?"
"I—I don't know."
He could hear Crow sigh on the other line, "What can I do for you?"
"I was—I was, uh—I was wondering if you had information on Sara's whereabouts."
"I do." He waited for Grissom to respond, but there was only silence on his end, "What do you want with it?"
"I'm ready now." Grissom spoke somewhat hesitantly. He truly didn't feel entirely ready, but he took what Heather had to say to heart: When you are ready, don't fight it.
"It's about time." He could hear Crow's smile through his voice,
"You—uh, you don't think it's too late?"
"It's only too late if you let it be, Gil. I'll email you over the information. She's still in the Galapagos but in the Sea Shepard trip will be over in two weeks."
"Will she be back in San Fransisco then?"
"No, she's just taken an opportunity to do field research with some of the other crew members from the ship. She'll be in Costa Rica for the next few months, or until their grant runs out."
"I see."
"It may make sense for you to wait until she's there. Give you time to wrap things up in Vegas as well."
He hadn't even thought about that—About any of it thoroughly. "Okay." Was his simple reply.
"I'm emailing you over the details now. And Gil—"
"Yes?"
"Before you leave, you should come stop by the Lab here... I have something you need to take with you." The phone clicked off and Grissom was met with silence, wondering what it was Dave was referring to.
A small smile crept onto his face at the idea of reuniting with her, of seeing her again, of surprising her in the jungle. But just as quickly is disappeared, realizing that he'd be leaving behind everything he knew here. Leaving the life he built, the team he built. He breathed deeply, trying his best to regain composure before leaving his loft and heading back to the lab.