DISCLAIMER: I OWN NEITHER HARRY POTTER NOR FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!

Chapter Thirty-Four

The story of Fred and George's flight to freedom was retold so often over the next few days that it was able to have been told it would be the stuff of Hogwarts legend. Within a week, even those who had been eyewitnesses were half-convinced that they had seen the twins dive-bomb Umbridge on their brooms, pelting her with Dungbombs before zooming out of the doors before zooming out of the doors. In the immediate aftermath of their departure there was a great wave of talk about copying them, so that students frequently said things like, "Honestly, some days I just feel like jumping on my broom and leaving this place," or else, "One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley…"

Fred and George had made sure that nobody was likely to forget them very soon. For one thing, they had not left instructions on how to remove the swamp that now filled the corridor on the fifth floor of the east wing. Umbridge and Filch had been observed trying different means of removing it but without success. Eventually the area was roped off and Filch, gnashing his teeth furiously, was given the task of punting students across it to their classrooms. Filch roamed the halls to see if he could catch any troublemakers, but there were so many that he didn't know where to turn. The Inquisitorial Squad tried to help him, but odd things kept on happening to them.

Fred and George had also sold a lot of Skiving Snackboxes before leaving Hogwarts so the students could skip Umbridge's class. They called their 'illnesses' "Umbridge-itis". Peeves was also causing a lot of problems, keeping his promise to Fred and George. To cap matters, Montague had still not covered from his sojourn in the toilet. He remained confused and disorientated and his parents were to be observed one Tuesday morning striding up the front drive looking extremely angry.

"Should we say something?" Hermione asked worriedly, pressing her cheek against the Charms window so that she could see Mr. and Mrs. Montague marching inside. "About what happened to him? In case it helps Madam Pomfrey cure him?"

"He'll be fine," Ed brushed off.

"Yeah," Harry agreed, looking satisfied.

He, Ron, Ed, and Al all tapped the teacups they were supposed to be charming with their wands. Ed and Al's both grew four steady legs and started running around, Harry's spouted four very short legs that would not reach the desk and wriggled pointlessly in midair, and Ron's grew four very thin spindly legs that hoisted the cup off the desk with great difficulty, trembled for a few seconds, then folded, causing the cup to crack into two.

"Reparo!" Hermione said quickly, mending Ron's cup with a wave of her wand. "That's all very well, but what if Montague's permanently injured?"

"I seriously doubt it, Hermione," Al said. "He's just still confused. Anybody would be. We've gotta think about other things…more important things."

"We can't keep thinking about what 'Lust' and 'Envy' told us, Alphonse," Hermione stated. "We just can't or we'll be going mad."

"So, you haven't been thinking about it?" Ed asked in a skeptical tone, a golden eyebrow raised.

"Of course I have," Hermione admitted. "But who knows if they're telling the truth?"

"They are, Hermione," Harry said. "I believe what they told us. They know exactly where Snuffles and Professor Lupin are at. They threatened to kill them and Ron if I told anyone what they said to me."

"Well, we should tell Professor McGonagall about it so she can somehow tell Professor Dumbledore," Hermione stated.

"No!" Al insisted. "That will only make it worse. We have to keep it quiet so we won't endanger anyone."

"Lust said something happening about the end of our sixth year," Harry remembered.

"Let's not worry about that now," Ron said. "We should just be worrying about me right now."

"Why?" Hermione asked, looking at Ron.

"Because when Mum's next letter finally gets through Umbridge's screening process," Ron started bitterly, now holding his cup up while its frail legs tried feebly to support its weight, "I'm going to be in deep trouble. I wouldn't be surprised if she's sent a Howler again."

"But-" Hermione started.

"It'll be my fault Fred and George left, you wait," Ron continued. "She'll say I should've stopped them leaving, I should've grabbed the ends of their brooms and hung on or something…Yeah, it'll be my fault…"

"Well, if she does say something like that it'll be very unfair," Hermione replied. "You couldn't have done anything! But I'm sure she won't, I mean, if it's really true they've got premises in Diagon Alley now, they must have been planning this for ages…"

"Yeah, but that's another thing, how did they get premises?" Ron pointed out, hitting his teacup so hard with his wand that its legs collapsed again and it lay twitching in front of him. "It's a bit dodgy, isn't it? They'll need loads of Galleons to afford the rent on a place in Diagon Alley, she'll want to know what they've been up to, to get their hands on that sort of gold…"

"Well, yes, that occurred to me too," Hermione agreed, allowing her teacup to jog in neat little circles around Harry's, whose stubby little legs were still unable to touch the desktop while Ed and Al's were still running around. "I've been wondering whether Mundungus has persuaded them to sell stolen goods or something awful…"

"He hasn't," Harry interrupted curtly.

"How do you know?" Ron and Hermione asked together.

"Because Harry gave them our Quint-wizard winnings last June," Ed answered. "Harry offered me the gold to keep, but I told him to just give it to Ron or Fred and George."

"Oh, Harry, you didn't!" Hermione demanded of Harry.

"Yes, I did," Harry replied mutinously. "And I don't regret it either - Ed nor I needed the gold, and they'll be great at a joke shop…"

"But this is excellent!" Ron declared, looking thrilled. "It's all your and Ed's fault, Harry - Mum can't blame me at all! Can I tell her?"

"Yeah, I suppose you'd better," Harry answered, dully. "'Specially if she thinks they're receiving stolen cauldrons or something…"

Hermione didn't say anything the rest of the class, but once they all left and were standing around in the weak May sunshine, she opened her mouth to start saying something. Harry, though, had interrupted her before she had a chance to talk.

"It's no good nagging me, it's done," Harry said firmly. "Fred and George have got the gold - spent a good bit of it too, by the sounds of it - and I can't get it back from them and I don't want to. So save your breath, Hermione."

"I wasn't going to say anything about Fred and George!" Hermione said, in an injured voice.

Ron snorted disbelievingly, and Hermione threw him a very dirty look.

"No, I wasn't!" Hermione insisted. "As a matter of fact, I was going to ask Harry when he's going to go back to Snape and ask for Occlumency lessons again!"

"Sorry, Hermione, but I don't think that's gonna happen," Ed remarked. "They hate each other, if you hadn't noticed."

"But Ron told me last night that Harry was muttering in his sleep!" Hermione said.

Harry threw a furious look at Ron who had the grace to look ashamed of himself.

"You were only muttering a little," Ron muttered apologetically. "Something about 'just a bit farther'."

"Maybe it was about -" Ed started, smirking.

"I dreamed I was watching Ron and the team play Quidditch," Harry lied brutally. "I was trying to get you to stretch out a bit farther to grab the Quaffle."

Ron's ears went red. Harry felt a kind of bit vindictive pleasure. He had not, of course, dreamed anything of the sort. He had dreamt, once again, about the Department of Mysteries corridor.

"You are trying to block your mind, aren't you?" asked Hermione, looking beadily at Harry. "You are keeping going with your Occlumency?"

"Of course I am!" Harry defended.

"Yeah, and I'm goin' to join Slytherin," Ed remarked.

"Brother!" Al rebuked.

Ed grinned and shrugged.

"You know," Ron changed the subject, whose ears were still flaming red, "if Montague doesn't recover before Slytherin plays Hufflepuff, we might be in with a chance of winning the Cup."

"Yeah, I suppose so," Harry agreed, glad of a change of subject.

"I mean, we've won one, lost one," Ron continued. "If Slytherin loses to Hufflepuff next Saturday -"

"Yeah, that's right," Harry agreed, losing track of what he was agreeing to.

Cho Chang had just walked across the courtyard, avoiding Harry's eyes and smiling at Al. Al smiled back, and Cho went into the castle.

The final match of the Quidditch season, Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw, was to take place on the last weekend of May. Although Slytherin had been narrowly defeated by Hufflepuff in their last match, Gryffindor was not daring to hope for victory, due mainly to Ron's abysmal goalkeeping record. Ed would begin to tease Ron, but Winry and Hermione would always send him a nasty glare. Ron, however, seemed to have found a new optimism.

"I mean, I can't get any worse, can I?" Ron told Ed, Al, Winry, Harry, and Hermione over breakfast on the morning of the match. "Nothing to lose now, is there?"

"I can think of something," Ed muttered.

Winry shoved him. Ed grinned.

"Oh, get a room," Ron remarked, a disgusted look on his face.

"Ronald!" Hermione admonished as Ed and Winry blushed in embarrassment.

A little while later, Ron and Ginny went to get ready for the match as Ed, Al, Winry, Harry, and Hermione went to the Quidditch pitch in the midst of a very excitable crowd.

"It's good that Ron has more confidence," Al commented.

"Yes, I agree," Hermione agreed. "It seems that Fred and George never gave him a lot of confidence…"

Luna Lovegood overtook them with what appeared to be a live eagle perched on top of her head.

"Oh, gosh, I forgot!" Hermione gasped, watching the eagle flapping its wings as Luna walked serenely past a group of cackling and pointing Slytherins. "Cho will be playing, won't she?"

Harry grunted.

"Yes, she will," Al replied. "I wished her good luck."

"Don't you want Gryffindor to win?" Hermione asked.

"What was I supposed to say to her then?" Al asked, his eyes wide. "Was I supposed to tell her that I hope she loses?"

"No," Hermione answered. "I suppose not."

"It doesn't really matter who wins or loses as long as it's a good game," Winry pointed out.

"Shows how much you don't know about Quidditch," Harry muttered.

Winry hit him over the head with her wrench.

"Ouch!" Harry cried out. "Sorry!"

"You better be," Winry muttered.

Then she strode ahead, Ed and Al catching up with her a moment later. They all found seats in the topmost row of the stands. It was a fine, clear day. Ron could not wish for better, and Harry was hoping against hope that Ron would not give the Slytherins cause for more rousing choruses of "Weasley Is Our King."

Lee Jordan, who had been very dispirited since Fred and George had left, was commentating as usual. As the teams zoomed out onto the pitches, he named the players with something less than his usual gusto.

"…Bradley…Davies…Chang…," Lee Jordan droned.

Ed scowled and got up from his seat.

"Where are you going, Brother?" Al asked, looking up at Ed.

"You'll see," Ed answered.

Then Ed went to the place where Lee Jordan was at, grabbed the megaphone, pushed him out of the way, and sat down in his place.

"Edward Thomas Elric!" McGonagall scolded. "You don't just - !"

"Ah, cool your hot flashes," Ed remarked. "Lee will be fine."

McGonagall looked at Ed in shock as Roy covered his face in embarrassment. Snape rolled his eyes and frowned. Hermione and Harry were shocked as Al and Winry were covering their faces.

"And they're off!" Ed announced. "Davers takes the Waffle immediately! Ravenclark Captain Davers with the Waffle, he dodges Johnson, he dodges Bell, he dodges Spinnet as well… He's going straight for goal! He's going to shoot - and - and he scores! Unfortunately…"

"Davies!" McGonagall corrected. "Quaffle and Ravenclaw!"

"Whatever," Ed brushed off. "Same thing."

Al, Winry, Harry, and Hermione groaned with the rest of the Gryffindors. Predictably, horribly, the Slytherins on the other side of the stands began to sing:

Weasley cannot save a thing,

He cannot block a single ring…

As Harry and Hermione went with Hagrid to the Forbidden Forest, Al and Winry choosing to stay in the stands to watch the game, Ed continued to commentate.

"COME ON, Ron!" Ed bellowed. "DON'T BE A FUCKING BABY AND DEFEND THE DAMN GOALPOSTS!"

"EDWARD ELRIC!" McGonagall roared. "MIND YOUR LANGUAGE!"

"GET OVER IT!" Ed yelled. "THE KIDDIES WILL HEAR IT SOONER OR LATER!"

After the match was over, McGonagall dragged Ed to her office and ordered him to sit down.

"Sit down," McGonagall ordered.

Ed scowled and sat down in front of McGonagall's desk as McGonagall stood behind her desk.

"What were you thinking when you pushed Mr. Jordan out of the way and swore in front of dozens of children?!" McGonagall demanded.

"Aren't you at least happy that Gryffindor won?" Ed tried to change the subject.

"Do NOT change the subject!" McGonagall said.

"I guess you're still pissed about the remarks about you too," Ed presumed.

"Mr. Elric, you are to have detention for a month," McGonagall said. "And you are to STAY AWAY from the commentary booth!"

"I guess that answers it," Ed remarked.

"Go," McGonagall said, pointing at her door. "Just go."

"'Kay," Ed shrugged.

Ed got up and left the office.

"How they handle that boy in Amestris…," McGonagall said.