FYI: Take note of the date. It's back 3 years before the previous chapter :) From this moment on, time will move forward. - Wild
An Undecided Fate
June 4th, 1994
"You're awfully quiet back there." My mother Kristin looks in the rearview mirror of the car back at me with a soft smile. "Penny for your thoughts?" She asks as she always does.
"I don't want to go this year. I want to stay here with you." I answer her staring out the window of the backseat of our car. Sitting in the back instead of the front beside her was my way of quieting rebelling this situation. She's taking me to the parking lot of the local farm and ranch supply store in our small Montana town where the bus for Summer Camp is picking me up.
"Julia, you have to go. You go every summer and you always have a great time." My mother insists with a deep sigh and looks back towards the road.
I want to remind her that this summer is different. This summer she's battling cancer, again, and I can't possibly think of having fun and being away from her for twelve weeks at Summer Camp when she's sick and needs me.
"Who will go with you to your doctor's appointments?" I ask again for the umpteenth time. I'm usually the one that goes with her. To be her silent companion to all of the numerous appointments for chemotherapy, radiation and blood work.
"Jules, listen to me." Her voice is quiet but steady as she looks back at me again in the rearview mirror. When I refuse to look at her, she calls to me again. "Julia, please look at me."
I sigh deeply and turn my head on my fist resting on the door and look at my mother. Her once beautiful golden blonde hair of her Scandinavian ancestors is gone now and in its place, a soft bandana to cover her baldhead. Chemotherapy has stripped everything from her and still, she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Even without eyebrows, I smile as she usually makes a joke about that.
"What?" I ask with the tone that any nearly 13-year-old girl can muster when their mother calls for their attention. I know she's about to give me another speech about how I am a child and I need to be a child again, have fun, play and live my life without worrying about her as I have constantly for the last few years.
"I love you." She smiles at me with piercing blue eyes in her reflection. "I'm always going to love you. But you need to have some fun, Sweetheart. You've been the best little caretaker I could have ever asked for. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all that you do to help me and to help take care of me. But you've earned your summer of fun. I will be fine."
She's trying to reassure me but I know better. I'm smart, too smart for my own good as I'm often told. I listen intently to everything the doctors say about her condition. They have said that she's doing well with her treatments, but since I am the youngest and the one who is with her the most, I see what other's do not. I see what my mother hides. Sometimes her symptoms and side effects from the chemotherapy are so bad, she cannot get out of bed or function without help. I take care of her.
"It's my job to take care of you." I answer her quietly and feel my tears welling that she's purposefully taking this job away from me. It's the only thing I can do to help her and it scares me when I don't know what will happen in the future.
"Sweetheart, it is not your job to take care of me. I am your mother. It is my job to take care of you." She answers and I can see the unshed tears building in her eyes. "This is my taking care of you. You need this summer, Jules. You need to go and have fun and learn. Your teachers insist that you need this during the summer and I won't have you missing it for me. Grandma and Grandpa will be helping me and so will my sisters. I will be okay."
I don't trust them. They may be my mother's parents and her siblings, but they don't know her condition like I do. She hides things even from them, always having been the strong one in their family: the child who held them all together. They fight over her condition and how best to care for her and in the end, my mother ends up hiding how she really feels in an effort to protect them. I love my grandparents dearly, but the idea that their child may be dying has become too much for them. Even at twelve years old, I can see and hear their reactions to seeing how ill my mother is. Their residual anger at my father, Ryan, is not helping matters. My parents separated a year before my mother's first diagnosis and he moved away. But in the past couple of years or so, they have been trying to reconcile given my mother's condition and my grandparents and her sisters are less than enthused about this idea.
My parents really do love each other. I have had this conversation many times with my mother over the past couple of years while my family was being ripped apart in several ways. It was living with loving each other and their' own faults and flaws that eventually caught up with them. My mother always said, they were married too young. Just babies themselves when they'd been married at ages nineteen and twenty. My father was always sweeping things under the rug as his way of dealing with things. It's what he was taught by his own parents.
A staunch stubborn mixture of Native America and Scottish and German, my father is the hardest working rancher and man I've ever known in my life. His desire to succeed overwhelms everything else in his life, including his family. He's incredibly handsome, looking very much like a young Robert Redford, or so everyone says. Every woman in town hits on him, even in front of my mother.
I always thought of my dad as my Prince Charming when I was little. I adored my father right up until I was six years old and found out for the first time he'd had an affair and was cheating on my mother with his secretary Diane. That was devastating to say the least on everyone, but especially my mother. He blamed her long hours at the hospital where she worked as a nurse and in putting every other spare hour she had into being a mother. That she never had time for him anymore. I think I was seven the first time I called him a selfish asshole. The idea that he was Prince Charming went quickly out the door. The anger inside of me as she'd wrap her arms around me and cry herself to sleep when I was little, still lingered deeply and I didn't trust anyone else with my mother's heart after that.
Mom always told me that I was a piece of her heart living outside her body. I took that seriously and claimed responsibility for her then. Trusting my father again with his efforts to repair what he'd broken with my mother was difficult, but I loved him and missed my family. If my mother was trying to forgive him and move on, I was trying as well. Though he'd never be my hero again. I decided my mother was my real hero. Even when she was at her most sick, she never left me. Not for any reason. She always put my needs above her own. Even now. I knew she desperately needed my help and relied upon me to do the everyday things around the house and to help her. But she was too worried my childhood was being consumed with her cancer and my overwhelming urge to protect her after my father's betrayal.
So here we were, on our way to the drop off for Summer Camp, where I was supposed to regain some sense of my childhood before it was too late and I became a teenager.
"You're going to have fun." My mother smiled softly with insistence. She has no real idea what actually happens at this summer camp. Her idea of fun and mine are completely different. The secrets of this camp our contained within our group.
"I don't want to go this year, Mom. I want to stay with you. I have fun with you." I insist right back. There is no explaining how I feel, but there is a constant nagging emotion that won't go away from the moment she was originally diagnosed, that my time with her is limited and I need to spend as much of it as I can with her, learning as much as I can. "I learn more from you than I do at camp." It was true. My mother was a fountain of real world wisdom and it all came from her heart.
She laughs softly at my attempt to counter her motives and smiles. "I doubt that very much. You are far more intelligent than I am. I'm not sure what I can teach you in comparison to these people in The Program. This is for your own good, Julia."
I hate it when she uses this argument against me. My mother is brilliant, as is my father. Both excelled in school with my mother being a straight 'A' student and my father a mathematical genius. At school, I'm the 'cool enough geeky athletic nerd' who seems to be loveable and likeable enough to get along with everyone. When I was five, a man came to my school. He'd pulled me out of my classroom and sat with me in a tiny room staring at me for a long time before smiling and introducing himself as Ulric. What I remember most from that first meeting was his funny accent. I'd never heard anyone with that strong of an accent before and his was very intriguing to my child curiosity. We spent the afternoon doing many tests that he called 'games' to test my brilliant little mind. I was supposed to build towers with funny shaped wooden blocks, answer his strange questions about pictures he showed to me and recite things back to him that he'd say to me. It was a very long and boring test. I wanted to play outside for recess and instead, I was stuck with that man in that room for the whole day. When it was finally over, he smiled at me and shook my hand. He'd said I was perfect and a genius, and that we'd be working together for a long, long time to come.
A meeting was scheduled with my parents, teacher and this man to talk about my abilities. I was learning at a far greater rate than my peers and passing them too quickly. They wanted to advance me in school grades, from Kindergarten to Third Grade. My mother did not like this idea at all given that I was only five years old at the time. She wanted me to stay with the same age group as she felt it was important for my social develop as well. A compromise was reached. I would be part of the Talented and Gifted Program at my school as well as receiving advanced schooling through camps happening throughout the school year. I would also be attending a specialized summer camp each year beginning when I was seven. It was part of something the man with the funny accent called The Program, something he told my parents was designed especially for Exceptionally Gifted Children throughout the world as part of a higher learning standard.
The first summer I went to Summer Camp, I was only there for two weeks and I cried every night. I was seven years old and it was the longest I'd ever been away from my Mom in all my life. Each summer, the length of my stay increased. This year would be the longest yet at twelve weeks duration. Three full months of summer. Normally, I loved seeing my friends from camp. But this summer I felt torn. We both remained silent the rest of the car ride.
"We're here!" Mom announced with her beautiful singsong voice. My mother truly was the living embodiment of Julie Andrews. Sometimes, I think that is where my name came from with my mother's adoration of the film The Sound of Music. My mother and grandmother's voices were just as beautiful as the actress in the film. The lullabies my mother sang to me as a baby were still cemented into my subconscious and I found myself recalling on them all the time when I felt alone or scared. I knew that this summer as I worried about her condition, I would be recalling on those memories of my mother singing a great deal.
Sighing deeply, I open the door to the car and step out. The other kids were already jumping around excitedly with smiles, greeting each other and saying goodbye to their families. My mother popped the trunk of our car and retrieved my duffle bag, plopping it down at our feet.
"So this is it!" She smiled cupping my cheeks with her soft hands. "You're going to have fun, Julia. I love you, to the moon and back, more than the stars in the Heavens and the grains of sand on Earth…"
"Forever and always." I answer her quietly trying to blink back my tears and lunge forward wrapping my arms around her waist. "If something happens you promise that you'll call?" I beg her, knowing that in her attempts to protect what is left of my innocence she would hide a change in her condition from me for the duration of the summer if she thought it would spare me any pain.
"I promise." I hear her answer softly and kiss the top of my head. She slowly peels me away from her and kisses my forehead, both of my cheeks and then my lips before picking up my bag handles and thrusting them into my hand with a smile. "Now go have an adventure!" She laughs softly, "I can't wait to hear all about it in your letters home."
I nod solemnly and pull my bag up over my shoulder. "I love you." I say one more time staring into her beautiful blue eyes and muster a smile knowing she is looking for one. Slowly, I walk away towards the bus and stop by the steps to look back one more time. My mother has folded her arms across her chest and is smiling at me. She lifts one hand to wave and I wave back.
"Please take good care of my baby," Mom smiles with a soft laugh speaking to my Camp Counselor for all these years, Cassiopeia, as she walks up behind me. I am the last to get on the bus as I linger.
My eyes flash nervously to the fierce young blonde woman in her mid-twenties beside me with her aviator glasses down and hair pulled back already in her tell-tale tight pony tail. Cassiopeia was no nonsense and all business and I worried briefly how my mother's last request of her would be answered.
"I will." Cassiopeia answers my mother quietly with a soft head nod and a slight smile that stuns me completely. I stand there with my mouth hanging slightly open looking up at her. She was giving my mother a slight wave and then heard her prompt me in a quiet and deep voice like steel to, "Get on the bus, Julia." That was it; the steely side of this woman that I knew and not the other one smiling and waving at my mother. I moved quickly snapping out of my astonishment, knowing the repercussions if I did not listen instantly after six summers with her already.
Quickly I found my seat near the back and looked out the window in search of my mother. She was still standing there, by the car with a smile on her face and waving to me. When she kissed her fingers and held them up, I kissed mine and held them to the glass. One last kiss and a shared smiled. We drive away and I watch until I can't see her anymore.
The summer will pass quickly. She will be okay. I tell myself as I settle down into my seat and slump against the window. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end suddenly with the feeling I am being watched and when I shift my gaze to the aisle, I catch Cassiopeia staring straight back at me. I can't see her eyes shielded behind the golden-rimmed aviator sunglasses but I know she's looking right at me. Her heated stare is like fire and she holds her intense gaze for a long moment and sighs before turning away. Given the way she zeroed in on me out of all the other kids on the bus, I know that like the years before, I'll end up being on the receiving end of her wrath all summer long. Cassiopeia promised my mother to take care of me, but she's the one I need protecting from. My best camp friend Nyah and I are Cassiopeia's favorite targets and used often as examples.
The thought of seeing Nyah again soon makes me smile. We've been best friends at camp since our first summer together. Nyah is a whole year older than I am but I'm the one that usually ends up protecting her from the camp bullies. There are many of those considering the divide in The Program between the kids that come from the wealthy privileged side of life known as the Heirs and those like us whom the Heirs call, the Worker Bees, who've been chosen for our brilliant minds or abilities with athletics rather than our parent's pocket books and lineages within this thing called The Council.
Nyah was an easy target for the bullies. She came from a mixed family of both East Indian and European Caucasian. Mixing wasn't uncommon for those of us who were Worker Bees, in fact it was quite common. Several of us had variously mixed ancestry but the Heirs, were considered 'pure' or at least, that was one of the taunts they'd throw at us regularly. How they descended from this King or that Queen or so and so and the rest of us were 'heathens.' I don't think any of them even knew what those words really meant when they used them as insults when we were small children they'd just repeated what they were hearing from their parents. Nyah was targeted because she descended from both the Heirs and the Worker Bees, which made her a target of both, not being one or the other fully.
When Nyah was five years old, she was living with her father in Southern Spain. They had immigrated to Spain from Africa after a government coup had forced her family out of their country, leaving her mother dead and them homeless. Once having great wealth in their homeland, they now had very little and her family had fallen apart. Her father was too busy working at the small hotel they ran for tourists to care for Nyah anymore. It was decided then, that she would need a Nanny. At the time, a beautiful young Swedish couple, Annika and Johan, had come through the town backpacking across Europe and had run out of funds. Too proud to call upon their parents for help, they decided to earn their' way instead. In exchange for room and board at the hotel, they had taken care of Nyah for the summer. But the summer turned into longer and soon, Annika had fallen in love with Nyah as her own child. Nyah's father no longer wished to care for her and signed over full custody to Annika when it was time for Annika to leave and go home.
Nyah's troubles within The Program stemmed from the fact that she was adopted into an Heir family. Annika's father was our Program's Director, Ulric Hendrix, the very same man with his funny accent that had tested me as a child. Everyone knew that Annika had adopted Nyah as a 'charity case' as the Heirs taunted her, and that she wasn't related by blood making her an outcast amongst them. The Worker Bees didn't trust her as she was often brought into Heir events that only the Heirs were allowed to attend or be apart of and the rest of us were shunned from. Nyah always told me, she didn't belong anywhere.
My first real introduction to her was our first summer together. I was walking down to the lake to go sailing when I saw a group of Heirs trying to drown her in the lake by holding her under the water. They were laughing at her flailing body and I was furious at the group of others just standing around watching it happening.
The other Worker Bees were afraid to get involved, fearing the wrath of challenging or harming an Heir, but I didn't care. I dove into the water and the action as fast as I could. A boy grabbed me by the hair from behind and I kicked back, nailing him in the groin. He fell backwards as I started punching the other boys and girls holding Nyah down beside me, fighting them off and getting drown at times myself for my efforts. Eventually, Nyah had found her footing and the two of us were able to fight the six of them off together.
We became camp best friends after that day. Her cousin, Mikael, via her adoption into the Heir family had also become a good friend that summer. Mikael was a year older than Nyah and two years older then me. He was a 'pure' Heir, which made his hanging out with us a very strange taboo. That first summer, he would standby when the other Heirs would pick on Nyah or myself, never rising to defend us for fear of being their next target, though, that was next to impossible given he was also related by blood to Ulric, our Program Director as his nephew and the man raising him like a son since his own father died.
Mikael would only ever associate with us when there were no other Heirs around. He was too much of a coward as a child to stand up for his friends who were Worker Bees, fearing the ridicule of the other Heirs.
At first, I was angry about it but as the years went on, I began to understand. The reality was, as we learned more about The Council, that in the future it would be those people he would have to work and associate with on a daily basis, not Nyah and myself. He couldn't afford to sever his ties with them now, or risk his future. Even Cassiopeia told us to keep our distance from him and them. Saying we would one day be at their disposal and it was best we kept to ourselves and not give them any more reason to taunt us.
Mikael and I made a peace agreement of sorts to be secret friends and we took Cassiopeia's advice, kind of. We kept to ourselves at the Program camps when in public but found ways to play together at night or sneaking off for adventures during the day, just the three of us. The Heirs never tried to taunt me again after that day at the lake, and as long as Nyah was with me, she was spared as well with them knowing that I would defend and protect her.
The further into our bus journey towards camp, picking up more campers along the way, the more I realized I was looking forward to seeing both Nyah and Mikael again.
"Everybody out! Let's go!" Cassiopeia's voice boomed like thunder when our bus came to a stop arriving at the camp. "Move it!" She added when we weren't moving quickly enough.
And so it begins. I sigh slinging my duffle quickly over my shoulder and jumping into action. I can already tell by the sound of her voice that this summer was going to be brutal. The older we get, the more difficult it has become.
"Camp Frost kids to the left," She orders those other campers who are going to the other side of the lake. The fun side, as we called it. "Camp Council kids to the right."
Immediately, I step to the right and form up with the other campers from my camp who are getting off of other collection buses. I am the only one from my entire town going to Camp Council as all of the others go to Camp Frost. We remain quietly huddled watching as all of the other campers depart again for the other side of the lake. Everyone in Camp Council wishes we could join them. We hear their laughter sometimes echoing across the lake and we wonder if they can hear our screams echoing back.
"P.T. before chow." Cassiopeia starts pacing in front of us as the other Camp Council members descend upon our group of new arrivals. "Drop your gear in your bunks, change into appropriate attire and meet at the trailhead in twenty minutes ready to run."
"Yes, Ma'am." We answer in a clear and crisp response that has been well beaten into our skulls over the years, literally and figuratively. Anxiously, we straighten up and wait to be dismissed before running towards our assigned cabins to change quickly and meet at the trailhead for Physical Training.
Cassiopeia looks us all over as she paces and then stops once again staring at me behind her dark sunglasses. "Dismissed." She adds quietly with hands held behind her back and we take off running as fast as we can.
My feet are flying underneath of me as I know that twenty minutes is barely enough time to accomplish this order set down before us. Each year it is the same and each year, someone is always late and we are all punished for it. I do not want to be the one to make the rest of my cabin members suffer.
We have been sorted into cabins based on our instructors, the notorious First Gens who are all named for the Gods. Mine happens to be Cassiopeia. I glance up at the Constellation that looked like a 'W' of the upside down vain queen in gold stars on our blue cabin flag before dodging into the door. Quickly I throw my bag onto the top bunk of my assigned bed and smile as I strip my clothes off as fast as I can. Nyah's bag is already on her bunk beneath mine and I know she must have already arrived.
Without stopping to tie my shoes I pull the hair elastic from my wrist and start running again as fast as I can towards the trailhead. Quickly, I pull my hair back into a tight ponytail and speed up hearing the soft roar of the others already gathered and waiting and I don't want to be late.
"Julia!" I hear my name being screeched across the distance as I weave in and out of the trees on the dirt path and catch sight of Nyah. She's waving at me frantically, already lined up with the others in a sea of colors. Nyah is wearing the same assigned P.T. gear as I am coming from the same cabin. We are both dressed in sky blue t-shirts with Cassiopeia's constellation in stars across our fronts and matching shorts that hold the same 'W' star emblem. Each cabin wears a different color and a different constellation based on their camp counselor/instructor, the First Gens. It's easier for them to tell us apart when we're color-coded.
"Nyah!" I yell with a smile and wave back, weaving through the crowd now towards her at the front. She jumps on me wrapping arms and legs around me tightly excited to see me.
"It's so good to see you, Jules! Look at your hair! I love it!" Nyah smiles when she finally releases me and waves her hand through my long ponytail. The last time she saw me a year ago my hair was significantly shorter at just past my chin.
"Yours too!" I smile doing the same. We both look markedly different than last year. Our hair has grown out from our chin length cuts and we've grown several inches taller. Whatever baby fat was lingering is now gone from us both and awkward years we'd both gone through seemed to be fading away. "It's good to see you." I hug her again with a small giggle and then pull back immediately seeing Cassiopeia and the other First Gens approaching.
Quickly I bend over remembering I still needed to tie my sneakers.
"Julia, drop and give me fifty." Cassiopeia barks glaring down at me and my eyes flash up to meet hers' in question. "I told you to arrive ready to run. Your shoes being untied, is not ready to run unless you'd rather run barefoot?"
"No, ma'am." I answer quickly trying to contain a sigh or know I'll be punished for that too. My fingers move quickly to tie my offending shoes and then I drop onto my chest in the dirt and dig in with my hands. "One, two, three, four, five…" I begin my steady count out loud performing my punishment of fifty perfect pushups. My arms will be jello by the end of it, as I am not used to this kind of physical exertion after a lazy few months off. By the end of the summer, I will be the definition of fitness but right now I'm resenting the cookie dough ice cream I've become so fond of lately.
"Behind the line." Ares, another First Gen, steps forward barking out a command. He's incredibly handsome, tall, dark and well muscled with chiseled features, nearly black eyes, strong chin and deep gorgeous dimples in both of his cheeks. We've come to suspect over the years that he's had a thing for Cassiopeia. The way he looks at her sometimes when she's not aware or how he jumps down our throats when we aren't doing what she says fast enough. Whatever Cassiopeia wants, Ares makes happen; and not just because she is his boss as the head First Gen. It's because of something more. Unfortunately for Nyah and myself, being the usual targets of Cassiopeia's fiery temper, we have also become Ares as well. The other First Gens who are our instructors don't single us out any more or less than the others. In fact, Jupiter and Neptune seem to take pity on Nyah and I once in awhile and when we're under their instruction go easier on us with the occasional wink and smile as long as Cassiopeia or Ares aren't around to witness it.
"Go!" Cassiopeia fires off her order and everyone takes off down the Obstacle Course path but me. I'm left behind to finish my pushups while Cassiopeia stays behind with me, looming over me with arms crossed in disappointment. "First day here and you're already behind, Julia. Get your head in the game! Now!"
"Yes, ma'am." I answer her loudly, pausing in my repetitions before continuing my count again. "Thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four…" My arms are on fire at this point and shaking from the exertion.
"I don't care what chaos is going on with you at home right now. You need to get your head here, and in the game. Everything going on with your mother, you shelve for the summer. You compartmentalize and put it away. That is there and you are here. Is that understood?" Cassiopeia squats down beside me as I finish my repetitions. Her voice is like steel and there is no room for argument.
"Yes, ma'am." I answer her again swallowing the ball of emotion in my throat. Of course she would know that my mother is not doing well and I'm upset by it. Although, when I'm at camp and in training, I am not allowed to show it. Especially not allowed to let it effect me.
"You listen to everything I say, the first time, Julia. Every. Single. Word." She leans in speaking quietly and her voice is enough to scare me straight with its tone.
"Yes, ma'am." I answer again and finish my last pushup. I jump to my feet, already sweating and stare straight ahead down the trail to where the others are already long gone. "Permission to catch up to the others, ma'am?" I ask knowing that I have not been dismissed yet.
"Permission denied. You do not simply catch up to them, Julia Taylor. You pass them. Is that understood?" She commands of me.
"Yes, ma'am!" I fire back with enthusiasm while inwardly cringing at her expectations to exceed above all reason. She demands the best from those in her cabin and wearing her emblem across their bodies. We are not to fail her or we shame and dishonor her teaching. I learned this at age seven when we didn't listen to her instruction and lost the relay swim race. The many hours in the pool after the race and in the rain and lightening helped us to remember that lesson well.
"Then get moving, Taylor! Dismissed!" She sent me off with a sharp pointed finger down the trail.
Willing my body to move faster than it's ever gone in my life, I run with throttle wide open down the dirt path through the woods and come upon my first obstacle, a giant thirty-foot wall of wooden planks with a rope to the top. I don't stop to ponder or moan and groan knowing this is only the beginning. Quickly I ascend to the top and slide my leg over, catching sight of Cassiopeia watching me from her perch, the Eagle's Nest, high above the entire course so she can watch us all. I hate that she focuses so intently on me and Nyah. The two who can't seem to do anything right in spite of excelling far beyond our peers with her constant pushing. Whatever we do, it is never good enough.
I grab the rope on the other side and repel quickly down before taking off again. The rest of the course is even more difficult. It's been rated more difficult than those used for training in the United States Marine Corp.
A bullet whizzes by my head and then another. "Lovely." I sigh sarcastically realizing that we've already started this summer with live fire rounds coming at us on the first day. I scale more walls, crawl beneath barbed wire, swing across mud pits, and complete more tasks while running at full speed between the obstacles before I catch up to and then pass the others as I've been ordered to do. Nyah yells my name as I run past her but I purposefully ignore her as to not get us both into more trouble. She kicks it into a higher gear as well, fearing that if she doesn't at least finish close to me, Cassiopeia will likely reprimand her for her failure. Together, we are the first two across the finish line and slap the sign above us in tradition that reads, 'Congratulations you aren't dead yet.' Covered in mud, blood and debris, we collapse into a heap on the sand on the lakes shore with heaving chests.
"She's going to kill us." Nyah breathes heavily beside me as we lay there motionless trying to let our bodies recover with eyes closed from the hot sun.
"Not today." I sigh deeply with my own pounding heart and roll over, pulling myself upright again as the others start coming across the finish line. "Come on." I extend my hand down to her and help her up as well. "Let's get showered, changed and ready for chow before everyone else uses the hot water."
Nyah smiles at me in response, "Ah yes, hot water. When do you think they'll shut that off this year? Mid-way through like last summer or cut it back even further this year? Taking it away, like next week?" She laughs softly as we wrap our arms around each other's shoulders.
"Who knows, Nyah. Maybe they won't even give us hot water this year." I shrug with a smile at our situation knowing that is entirely possible with our group of trainers.
We shower and change quickly before making it to the mess hall. Artemis Cabin in their deep purple attire are responsible for this evening's meal and though it looks delicious and we are starving after our exertion, we take food sparingly. Six summers at this camp have already taught us well to expect the unexpected. That usually meant another P.T. drill in the middle of the night on our first day of arrival to quickly whip us into shape. Vomiting up the contents of our stomachs from eating too much dinner was never a pleasant way to endure the course.
Nyah and I find our regular table in the back corner beside the windows overlooking the lake and start to eat.
"Hi," A deep voice slides up next to me at the table and I see Nyah's eyebrows narrow across the table, knowing who it is from her reaction before I even have to look.
"Mikael," I turn to look at him with a curious smile on my face and slanted eyebrow as well. "What are you doing here? Sitting beside us heathens? Shouldn't you be over there?" I nod off in the direction of the heir's section of the dining hall where the Worker Bees dare not venture. He's never in all our years at camp, ever dared to come sit beside us or even near us while we eat. He's violating his own rules about public contact with us.
Mikael shrugs with a nervous smile and I can't help but smile in return. He's changed a lot in the past year as well. Not only is his voice deeper, his once rail skinny body now has well formed muscle and his eyes seem even more blue and sparkling if possible. For the first time, I feel a flutter in my stomach when he smiles at me.
"What are you doing here?" I repeat my question when he only continues to stare into my eyes and I shift nervously away.
"I wanted to say hello. Am I not allowed to do that now?" He asks stealing a strawberry from my tray and popping it into his mouth with a smug grin.
"Not in public. I thought you never wanted to be caught speaking to either of us? And now here you are, sitting beside me in the most public place at camp." I respond still avoiding eye contact. I don't know what it is about him this year, but my heart is starting to pound just being near him. I've never been attracted to Mikael like this before and I am not entirely comfortable being so now.
"Things change." He answers with a smile and I can feel his heated gaze upon me again. His fingers reach out and run down the length of my hair brushing it over my shoulder. "You've changed, Jules."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Nyah asks with annoyance and I dare not look at either of them right now, feeling my emotions catching in my throat with the way his fingers were brushing my hair back. Our age difference has never seemed more noticeable to me than right now. I still very much feel like a young girl of nearly thirteen, while he is nearly fifteen. Both of our birthdays are in July, just weeks away. He is in full-fledged puberty and I must say, it looks good on him. Mikael is much more man than boy now in my girlish eyes.
"It means, you're beautiful." Mikael smiles at me stealing another piece of fruit from my dinner tray. My eyes flashes to his for a moment and I cannot believe he just said that. It was the first time I've ever been called beautiful by any boy.
"She's always been beautiful, dumb ass." Nyah flings back at him with fire in her voice though low in her tone. "You already have enough dim-witted girlfriends waiting for you over there!" She pointed towards the heir table of giggling beautiful girls who most of the boys drooled over in this camp. They were all rich, powerful and most came with titles. "Don't think for a second that Julia is dumb enough to fall for your charms just so you can make out with her this summer." Her eyes flashed to mine, "He's been making out non-stop with every noble girl all year. Every Ball, every party and now here too. Disgusting!"
"Nyah, shut up." Mikael was clearly annoyed with her already in turn for exposing his secrets. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"I do, too."
"Look, both of you. Stop. Please?" I interrupted them, not in the mood to once again play referee. "I'm not making out with anyone, so let's drop this." I sighed and took notice of the way the other campers were now all looking at our table and whispering about us with heated glares and shocked stares seeing Mikael continuing to eat off my plate. "You're going to make trouble for yourself."
"I won't. They are too scared of me now to say or do anything." He smiled more smugly, "Being declared Ulric's heir has its perks."
"So what, you're standing up to them now?" I asked with pinched eyebrows and curious about his change in demeanor due to his new status as officially declared heir of the Northern European branch of The Council. Mikael had never stood up to the other Heirs for as long as I could remember.
"No, he still doesn't." Nyah interjected with clear disdain in her voice over the fact. "He just has minions now to do it for him."
"What does that mean?" I ask not liking the sound of it.
"It means he is still too chicken to take a stand himself for something against them, so he uses his friends to do his bidding instead." Nyah stabbed her piece of chicken with unnecessary force.
"What happened?" I asked looking between the two and seeing that I clearly missed something.
"They really started picking on Nyah this year during the Social Season." Mikael sighed and looked at them and then towards Nyah and myself. "They hate that she tags along. I told them to knock it off."
"No, you told Fredrick, Anthony and Hans to tell them to knock it off. You couldn't confront them yourself." Nyah was mostly hurt, that was obvious by the quiver in her voice and the tears in her eyes.
"Nyah, I'm sorry. I did the best I could. You know how they are. Once they get on a roll, everyone joins in and there is no stopping them." Mikael apologized to her quietly. "Look, I don't want to fight all summer. I want to have fun. So let's have fun." He smiled at her and then me.
"I doubt we're going to be seeing much of each other." I countered with a shrug. "They've split our training this year. The absence of all the Heirs was noted this afternoon during the Obstacle Course run."
"Playing polo." Mikael answered almost embarrassed when Nyah and I both smiled with a smirking grin. "We're no longer allowed to participate in the Course games now that you're under live fire."
"Oh, poor babies. Can't have one of you getting killed by a bullet or grenade they regularly toss at us." Nyah's voice was clearly dripping with sarcasm.
"There are more of you and fewer of us." Mikael answered with a bite to his tone.
"Right, so our lives mean less?" Nyah answered with a steely tone.
"That's not what I said."
"That's what you meant."
"Stop. Both of you. Please." I plead again, already tired of their bickering which seemed to be worse this year.
Silence fell over the table for several long minutes.
"What are you doing after dinner?" Mikael asked with a smile. "We're going to have a bonfire by the lake. Want to come?"
"Join you at an Heir get-together?" I asked quietly with an astonished smile.
"Yeah, why not?" He shrugs with his own smile. "Could be fun. They aren't all bad you know."
"I know they aren't all bad. But unfortunately, the good ones stand by too often letting the bad ones run the show in their attempts to make fun of me or the others feeling secure in their large numbers. I for one, am not entertained by that." I answer him quietly and push my plate away.
"They are just scared that you're smarter than them and can kill them in their sleep." Mikael chuckled softly and stole the last strawberry from my plate. He always had an obsession with the small red fruit.
"True." I smile with a shrug at the accuracy of that statement. "I can't but thanks for the invitation anyway. I have an anatomy class this evening." My smile fell as did Nyah's.
Our human anatomy classes often consisted of learning on human cadavers of our peers. Those who had been killed earlier in the day during our training exercises. The teacher, Dr. Von Miesser or as we called her, Dr. Von Monster, was absolutely terrifying in her exuberance in dissecting our freshly killed comrades and exposing their organs and how they died to us before teaching us how to best kill our enemies with their bodies splayed out before us.
Today, during the obstacle course run with live fire rounds, two students had fallen. A girl and a boy. Katya and Brandon. Katya was a Russian orphan and Brandon, another child in the American Foster Care System. No one would realize they were gone, except those of us in Third Gen who had grown up with them the past six years. I am the only one in my entire group that has real parents. A real family to miss them who know nothing of this world. Everyone else is either an orphan, in the system or already born into The Council. My peers deaths served as an important reminder to us all, to pay attention. Cassiopeia's warning to me before the race about compartmentalizing my feelings for my mother and outside life rang loudly through my mind in this moment. I couldn't afford to let my mind wander or I'd be killed.
"What are you learning tonight?" Mikael asked quietly knowing all about our anatomy classes in having heard the stories.
"The effects of different kinds of venom on the circulatory system and organ tissue." I answered calmly thinking about the room filled with snakes, spiders, scorpions and the like that we'd be extracting and testing poisons from.
"You're both going?" Mikael looked between Nyah and myself.
"No, we've been split in our training as well. I have a Cyber Hacking class this evening." Nyah answered plainly without any fiery emotion in her voice this time. The tension between the two was seemingly gone now or at least for the moment.
"Nyah is being trained as a Team Leader." I answered with a soft and proud smile. What Nyah lacked in terms of skills on the course, she made up for with brainpower and critical thinking skills. Being the proverbial 'granddaughter' of Ulric Hendrix, the Head of our Division, it was a no brainer that Nyah would end up being a Team Leader in the field. As such, she was going to be exposed to every division within our division in order to best lead.
"I know." Mikael answered sounding none too happy about that. "Ulric informed us both before our arrival about his expectations of us in the coming years." He shook his head with a sigh, "But what about you? Where are you headed into The Program?" There were several different divisions even inside this one. Some went on to specialized Cyber Skills, others in Field Training for Ops Missions, others as Assassins and so on.
"I've been declared Undecided." I answered quietly and immediately see the shock on Mikael's face. It was abnormal for me to be given such a distinction when everyone else had been declared by now. To be Undecided meant that Ulric was still deciding my fate and that, was an absolutely terrifying prospect.