Gods & Generals
June 24th, 1995
Somewhere in my mind I register the loud cheers coming from those around me. Standing in the middle of the shallow river with the blue flag clenched tightly in my grip, I realize that I've done it. We've won. My heart is pounding and limbs shaking from the cold and exertion. I look down to see Cassiopeia slowly getting up from the water before me. I blink trying to focus on her face through the rain and pounding in my head. Trying to take in what just happened. She was drowning me in the river protecting her flag and I had knocked her out flat by slamming her in the face with a river rock. Her face is now smeared with both mud and the blood running rampant from the split in her cheek just below her eye. Steadying herself before me Cassiopeia looks me dead in the eye and then reaches out quickly. Before I realize what she's doing, she has grabbed my broken hand and fingers and yanks them hard snapping the bones back into place. Unprepared for such a thing I can't help but cry out in pain, another weakness in her eyes. She stares at me a moment and then rips the blue flag baring her 'W' constellation of stars out of my hand.
"Shower, chow and back to your bunks." Cassiopeia orders me, and the members of my team who are now silently standing around us. Their cheers of victory stopped the moment she grasped my hand and I cried out in pain. We had won the battle and captured the flag but of course she'd never tell us good job. Quietly the silent deadly woman turns and starts wading through the knee-deep water towards the bank of the river ordering with one last command, "Lights out early."
By the time we reach the cabin, showered, fed and mostly mended my limbs are so exhausted that I can barely climb up the small ladder into my bunk. I flop down onto my pillow and mattress with an exaggerated groan and Nyah does the same below me falling like timber. The grueling pace of our workouts has made little difference in preparing us for the epic game of war we just played in this year's Capture the Flag. Every inch of my body is in pain, sore or still bleeding beneath bandages. As I look around our dimly lit cabin I know that every other girl in here looks and feels exactly the same way. Like we've been bludgeoned to death, steam rolled and lit on fire.
"I'm quite certain I've torn a muscle." Nyah whines below me on her bunk. She gingerly rubs her upper leg just beneath her butt cheek and hisses as she presses her hamstring a little too hard and snaps her hand back. "Yes, I definitely tore my muscle."
"I think we all tore something or broke something or both today." Gillian whimpers rubbing her sore foot while the other was dangling over the bunk next to ours. "I could use a soak in a bucket of ice right now. I think my toes are broken." She flicks on the reading light at the head of her bunk to get a better look and we all cringe at both the bright light and what we see when we turn to look. The sick looking angle of her littlest toes, the greenish black hue of color already showing through her skin around the puffs of swollen red, leave little doubt she's correct in her assumptions. "Yes, definitely broken." She sighs.
"You'd better let us set those or go to the infirmary and have them do it." I offer quietly rolling gingerly onto my back. I hold my hand up above my face to inspect it further in the new light. My skin is swelling painfully under the tape around my own digits. I was ordered to keep it wrapped in the splint but releasing it from the bondage feels much better. Especially since I'm lying in my bunk and in no danger of damaging it further.
"Why?" Gillian asks slightly startled at the idea of letting us set her broken bones for the first time.
"Because if Cassiopeia gets back here and sees those mangled toes she might just cut them off!" Nyah slowly rolls out of her bunk and moves to stand before Gillian who promptly pulls her foot away from Nyah causing my bunkmate to laugh. "I'm kidding. She won't cut them off."
"Well, maybe she would cut them off. But not until they were rotting with gangrene." I wink at Nyah with a small teasing grin and then laugh seeing Gillian's eyes widen further. She'd always been assigned to Artemis's cabin as her mentor and guardian. But this summer, with Artemis gone on assignment, all those normally assigned to her cabin were dispersed amongst three other female First Gens: Cassiopeia, Diana and Hera. Cassiopeia was the most feared First Gen and for good reason. She was the Team Leader of all the First Gens.
While all First Gens were responsible for the training of our Third Gen group, each camper was assigned to their' own mentor and ultimately answered to that one person. In a field full of hundreds of trainees, Cassiopeia was known to stalk about looking for infractions. With her famous golden aviator glasses perched upon her nose and her arms folded over her chest she would stare down anyone she thought was doing something incorrectly. She'd never say anything to the offending pupil if they weren't her specific charge but with the tiniest flick of her finger or nod of her head, whatever First Gen was responsible for the pupil would immediately react and violently jump down the throat of said pupil. Their punishment, though, was nothing in comparison to one of Cassiopeia's own pupils making a mistake. It was no secret that those who dwelled in the house of 'W' under the constellation Cassiopeia reaped the worst punishments on campus and had the most grueling work ethic because of it. Her methods became legend as the stories of her training methods were passed around campfires late at night like ghost stories meant to terrify you.
Nyah, myself and the other girls who normally were assigned to Cassiopeia's House of Pain as we called it, liked to do a bit of terrifying ourselves to the newcomers in our cabin. It'd become a daily joke since our first day at camp this year and we found our amusement in odd ways. Perhaps our teacher was rubbing off on us, after all. Upon seeing their terrified faces at being reassigned to this cabin under Cassiopeia, we began to exaggerate on the already horrifying real stories of the woman to make them fear her even more. Now, nearly a month into camp, I'd finally taken pity on them by giving a telltale smile and wink to let them know I was joking.
"She won't cut your toes off, Gillian." I roll back onto my side to look at she and Nyah and offer a small smile. "But she will set them with unnecessary brute force to remind you in an extremely painful way to never be so stupid as to get injured in such a way again. Trust me. After she first broke and then set my fingers today on the battlefield I received the message loud and clear." I hold up my own mangled hand as proof. Everyone cringes again with the memory of Cassiopeia first slashing at me with a giant stick breaking my fingers and hand during our battle and then yanking roughly on them when the game was over without warning, causing an unholy scream to rip from my body in pain as she set them.
"But Julia, if you didn't block the strike it would have been your face broken instead of your hand." Gillian shakes her head slowly in confusion, "I thought you did really well at protecting yourself. You ended up beating her! We won! You brought down one of the Gods! What more could she have wanted you to do?"
"Not get hit in the first place. Cover your blind spots." Nyah and I answer simultaneously. The lesson has been well drilled into both of our heads over the years.
"Is it true? Did she really stab you and Julia in your sleep last year?" Lisa, another member of the House of Artemis, asks Nyah in barely above a whisper. Her voice squeaks and she chews her fingernails, immediately afraid of the answer.
"Yes." Again Nyah and I answer in unison. I nod at Nyah to tell the story to those gathering more closely around.
"She used that small knife she always carries and stabbed me in the shoulder, here. Not very deep but enough to get the point across." Nyah pulls down her nightshirt just enough to reveal a small scar above her collarbone and the girls gasp in astonishment. "The crazy witch covered my mouth so I couldn't scream and then whispered in a deadly voice that I 'should be prepared for anything, even while sleeping.' That'd I'd 'been lazy to sleep so deeply as to not hear her approach.' She expected me to hear her breathing." Nyah releases her nightgown covering the scar once more and looks back at me, "She stabbed Julia less than 5 seconds after that in the same spot, just above her collarbone telling her much of the same thing."
"And that our most deadly threats often come from those closest to us and when we least expect it. She wanted us to remember it." I add quietly reaching up to run my fingers over my small scar remembering that terrifying night.
"And boy do I remember it." Nyah nodded, "I hardly ever slept the entire time after that, last summer while I was here. Unless Julia and I slept in the same bunk, back-to-back, so that we could face any possible attacks head on."
"Is that why you made us switch you bunks this summer?" Katya asked us with an enlightened look in her eyes, staring at Nyah from our old bunk. We had all had our own assigned bunks in this cabin since we began coming here years ago. Lora and Anya's bunk had always been the one in the corner against the wall. "You wanted our bunks because they were against the wall? One less side to be attacked from."
"Yes." Nyah nodded not bothering to deny it. "I've already been stabbed by the crazy witch once. It's your turn to be left out in the open. Considering Cassiopeia never said a thing about us switching bunks, I'd say you best sleep with one eye open, girls. She's likely coming for you next!"
"Nyah," I quality scold her trying not to smile at how much she enjoys terrifying the new girls in our cabin. "She's not going to stab any of you. Or most likely she won't, I should say." To promise she won't do such a thing isn't something I can guarantee. If I've learned anything over the past several years of knowing Cassiopeia, its that's she's capable of just about anything if she sees it furthering her goals. "She reserves such special treatment for Nyah and me. The rest of you are considerably spared. The woman hasn't an ounce of compassion for either of us. Ever." My mind races through all the moments and memories of how cruel and ruthless the woman had been over the years towards me and especially over the last two years. It seemed the more sick my mother became, the tougher Cassiopeia became on me. She pushed me beyond breaking and bleeding. Forced me to keep going even when everything in me screamed to give up and quit or just die on the course. I hated her for that. Couldn't she see I was already going through enough in my life without her breathing down my neck to run harder or fight better? I was sick of never being good enough and this summer especially, it seemed I could do nothing right in her eyes. None of her ridiculous workouts or games or training sessions mattered to me. The only thing I could think about this summer was how sick my mother had been before I was dragged off to camp once again practically kicking and screaming.
I'd fought my parents and won the right to stay home this summer wanting more time with my mom. We weren't sure of how much time she actually had left now that the cancer had spread to her brain. Treatments were buying time but no one could say how much.
I was furious when Cassiopeia appeared at my house after I'd missed the bus for camp. With one commanding sentence from her of, 'This camp is essential for Julia's future' my parents folded quickly. They were already concerned about my future and how my mother's illness had effected my childhood. Now that I was nearly 14 years old and childhood mostly over, they became adamant that I go with Cassiopeia, 'especially if she thought it important enough to drive all the way from the camp in Wyoming to Montana' to collect me.
Cassiopeia had been in and out of my house in less than fifteen minutes and changed my entire summer. I refused to speak to her the entire trip towards camp and vowed then, to be as willfully defiant towards her that I could this summer. Moving from our previously assigned bunk to another one was my first act of defiance upon arrival. Ignoring her command to keep my hand wrapped at all times was my latest. In these small ways, I was resisting her authority and willing myself to believe that I still had small amounts of control over my own life.
"Jules," Nyah says softly and brings me back from my ponderings. I realize they're all staring at me. "Are you okay?" She asks with a knowing concern. Mikael and Nyah have been the only two at camp I've spoken to about the situation at home with my mother. Nyah has called me back to reality more than once already this summer when my thoughts start drifting back home. She knows what the ominous stare means by this point.
My eyes slowly refocus on the group before me and I give a slight head nod that I'm fine. No other words are needed but I don't want to draw any further attention my way either so I misdirect it to Gillian. "You should let Nyah set your toes. The less attention you bring on yourself from Cassiopeia the better." I give Gillian a small reassuring smile trying to offer some comfort. "Besides, Nyah's had by far the most broken bones in our cabin. She's practically an expert now when it comes to setting them herself." My soft laugh and smile at Nyah is not received well. She glares at me and then shakes her head trying not to smile; we all know it's the truth. The girl is absolutely lethal but she's also a klutz and accident-prone. Her training to become a Team Leader over the past two summers has taken its toll and her body is littered with new scars.
"Ok." Gillian nods her consent and slowly lowers her foot back down off the upper bunk so that Nyah can access it. Gillian holds tightly to the wooden bunk rail and grits her teeth, bracing herself. Nyah holds the foot gingerly at first, inspecting the broken toes and then grips and yanks them one by one back into straight lines while Gillian tries and fails to swallow her screams. Tears are streaming down her face when Nyah is finished but she manages a polite nod as a thank you before turning and burying her face into her pillow to have a good cry.
Nyah pulls out the top drawer of her nightstand and taped to the back is a small bottle of over the counter pain reliever. It's contraband in this camp where pain is supposed to be a very important teaching tool. She winks at me as she pops the cap and hands me two pills and then proceeds to give Gillian and all the other girls who were mangled today, some form of relief. After the numerous injuries that Nyah manages to wrack up, it's no wonder she'd sneak in some pain relievers.
I realize as I swallow the pills and watch Nyah turn off Gillian's reading lamp while everyone settles into bed, that she must be in some real, considerable pain to risk the wrath of Cassiopeia should such pills be discovered. I say real with awe and feeling slightly guilty and embarrassed because I've given Nyah such a hard time with whining all the time about her pain and injuries. She can be a bit of a crybaby at times. But then, so can I. Maybe I was being too hard on her with my own misplaced feelings this summer. Maybe, I couldn't get outright angry about my mother's illness or Cassiopeia's wrath so I was taking it out on the one person who was always there for me? Nyah.
I won't be so hard on her next time she whines about something hurting, I vow to myself, rolling over to face the wall. I'm confident that since Cassiopeia is in physical training with the rest of the First Gens most of the night tonight, and likely too tired to stab me upon her return, that it's safe to sleep with my back exposed. None of the other girls in this cabin are of any danger to me. Ironically, the only one here I'm in danger from is the deranged beautiful blonde woman who promised my mother that she'd take care of me as we left for camp the last two summers. I'm too tired to care or ponder such things anymore and snuggle my face further into my pillow, taking a deep breath and ready to let my poor body rest.
It feels as though I've only just fallen asleep when I hear a slight tapping on the window next to our bunk. It takes a moment to register the familiar sound. When I turn around, Nyah is already pulling back the curtain on our tiny window to reveal Mikael smiling and waving at us. Since our arrival at camp a few weeks ago, Mikael has woken us in the middle of the night several times to go out adventuring when we know the First Gens are all off training and won't notice our empty bunks. We both smile and give a slight wave and watch as he backs away from the window and into darkness once more to wait for us in the tree line.
"You go." Nyah nods at me. She climbs back into her bunk and I start changing back into my t-shirt and shorts. "I'm too tired and sore from today."
I don't say anything remembering my earlier vow not to give her a hard time and instead, nod and give her cheek a quick goodnight kiss with a smile. "Thank you."
"Yeah, yeah I know. You want some alone with the spoiled prince." She mumbles into her pillow believing that I'm thanking her for the alone time with Mikael. "Never thank me for that." She snarls not liking the idea of Mikael and I becoming anything more than friends.
"I'm not thanking you for that. I'm thanking you for being such a good Team Leader. Such a good friend. Such a good sister." I smile down at her in the darkness and with the moonlight coming through the window catch the hints of surprise race across her features. "If you hadn't given me pain killers earlier, I wouldn't want to go out tonight either. So thank you."
Ever since Nyah became Team Leader, she's taken her job of taking care of the rest of us very seriously. Even at the expense of herself. The fact that she'd given up pain pills from her own secret stash to help me and the other girls when she didn't have to was evidence of that caring. Those were pills she could have saved for herself. There was no way that such a tiny bottle was going to last her through the rest of the summer with the amount of injuries she was sustaining. Certainly she knew she'd have to suffer the rest of the days in pain once they ran out and yet she still offered every girl in our cabin relief tonight. I wanted her to know that I was grateful for the pills and for looking out for us. And grateful to her for being my friend, especially this summer. I wasn't very kind all the time right now given the violent thunderstorm of emotions I was feeling and all my misdirected anger.
The head shrink at camp would have a field day analyzing me right now. That is, of course, if I ever actually spoke a word to her when ordered to her office for our weekly required visits. I didn't need to talk to a stranger, who'd only report my mental and emotional status back to my superiors. I had my friends. Nyah. Mikael. They were the only ones I'd trust with my feelings and secrets.
"What took you so long, Jules?" Mikael asks in an exasperated tone with a hint of teasing smile as I quickly join him at the forest's edge.
"In case you didn't notice, I took a rather substantial beating on the battlefield today during Capture the Flag. Getting dressed with a broken hand and fingers requires more effort than usual." I hold up my still unwrapped hand as though I'm telling him off and then slam my shoulder into his as we walk, knocking him off the trail we're following heading towards the lake. I laugh softly as he stumbles and then feel a shiver run up my spine when he smiles back at me and reaches down gently for my hand. When he brings my damaged digits up to his face and places a delicate kiss to my bruised skin I feel the earth move beneath my feet and find it hard to swallow. It's the most intimate contact we've ever shared.
"Sorry." Mikael speaks softly with a smile as I pull my hand back. "It was a rather spectacular show you put on today though. A smashing victory and quite the climatic end." His smile begins raging and then he laughs, "The way you ransacked through Cassiopeia is something I'm never going to forget. I've often thought about smashing her in the face the way you did today to get to the flag. It was glorious."
"The roar of the spectators was hard to miss." I look away and shuffle my feet to move more quickly along the path. "I'm sure it was 'glorious' as you said watching such 'entertainment.' It sure didn't feel so glorious in that moment on the field. I thought she was going to kill me. I was fighting for my life." It's moments like these that I'm reminded of our very different stations in this world we live in. After this summer I no longer have to wonder how the gladiators felt in the arena of Rome with spectators cheering and jeering on their battles for survival. The Council Heirs were given front row seats during Capture the Flag to witness the carnage first hand. Our spilled blood and broken bones were sources of entertainment for them. Either in celebration and also petty suffering to those who'd placed bets on the teams that lost.
"No, you misunderstood." Mikael scrambles to explain as we step foot on the sandy beach next to the lake. "I was horrified watching her drowning you in the river. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to run onto the field to stop her. But being as kickass as you are, you handled it perfectly smashing her in the face with that river rock. That was what was glorious! Watching you flatten that bitch into the river and grab the flag." He smiled bouncing his shoulder off mine trying to lighten my spirits after the sudden mood shift. "It was the first time that anyone in the younger Gens has ever brought down Cassiopeia. To bring down any of the First Gen Gods is impressive but to actually bring down Cassiopeia…" He shakes his head softly with a proud smile. "You should be proud. You're a legend now, Julia."
"And legends are targets, Mikael. I didn't do myself any favors. You didn't see the look in Cassiopeia's eyes when she got up and grabbed my hand to pop the bones back into place." I shook my head at the memory feeling the chill run up my spine. "I've only put myself more into her line of fire now." This only made things worse. I was the only Third Gen still 'Undecided' after everyone else already received their' posts last year. And because of that, I spent a great deal of dreaded 'one-on-one' time training with Cassiopeia while the rest of my peers went off to their assigned stations for training. At this point, I didn't care what life's path Ulric chose for me as long he did so quickly and got me away from the horrible woman.
"Well, I thought it was awesome, Jules. And you made a lot of us a great deal of money today, so thanks. I owe you." He smiles and laughs pushing the rowboat off the sand and into the water.
"So glad I could make the Heirs more money. I'm sure you all need it so badly." I take his hand climbing into the boat and don't bother to hide my sarcasm. "You know, I wonder how much money I could make if the Heirs were forced to play Capture the Flag as we are? With live rounds, bombs, weaponry and the Gods all trying to kill you?" Grabbing the nearest oar, I shove the boat away from shore with a little more gusto then planned for and Mikael falls backwards over the side of the boat and into the lake. I can't stop laughing as I watch him sputter to the surface of the shallow water. He's drenched and covered in bits of seaweed and lake debris from today's earlier thunderstorm. "Here." I finally offer him my hand and help pull him into the boat. "I guess we're even now." I can't help but keep laughing as he huffs and takes the oars from me, no longer trusting my ability to use them. He doesn't say anything but stares at me as he rows steadily backwards into the blackness of the lake. A slow smile finally stretches across his lips watching me and shakes his head.
"That does not make us even." Mikael states very boldly with a smoldering smile and challenging eyebrows as he slows his row bringing the boat to rest in the middle of the lake. "You dumped me into the lake, Jules. Now you owe me!"
"I owe you? For that?" I shake my head looking at the gorgeous boy in front of me and feel my schoolgirl crush at war with my anger over how spoiled he really was to believe such a thing to be equal. "You really are a ridiculous and spoiled prince. You've already made money off my blood, sweat and tears today. What more do you want from this peasant?" I know I'm being overly dramatic but so is he.
Before I have time to think I feel his hands suddenly grasping the sides of my face and his lips pressed to mine. It takes a moment for the shock to wear off and register that he's kissing me. His lips are actually pressed to mine and his hands are holding my face there. My heart is thundering in my chest and yet, I'm frozen solid when I feel his tongue brush lightly against my unmoving lips.
Mikael pulls back suddenly when he realizes I'm not responding. "I'm sorry." He shakes his head averting his eyes but unable to look away from me for too long. "I've just wanted to do that for a very long time." He pauses, "Since the first moment I saw you last summer sitting in the cafeteria with Nyah. I'm sorry, Julia. I shouldn't have."
"Why?" I can barely make my mouth move and when it does a meek voice asks the most obvious question to me. I know he's kissed many other girls before. I just want to know why he is suddenly kissing me.
"What do you mean? Why, you?" He asks trying to understand my one word question. I nod that's what I meant. "Why not you? You're beautiful, Julia. The most beautiful girl I know."
"That's not true." I cut him off, looking away and shaking my head thinking of all the princesses, nobles and other heirs I've seen him with that are far better looking than me. "I can name at least twenty girls that are-"
"Not you." It's his turn to cut me off. "I don't care about the other girls, Jules. To me, you are the most beautiful. Everything about you makes you special. You're not like those other girls. That's why I like you. You're one of my best friends…if not, thee best. I can be me with you. I'm not just an heir. I'm Mikael. I don't have to pretend to be someone else with you. You like me just the way I am." He adds softly and looks down at his hands fidgeting nervously over his knees. "That's a big deal."
We are both silent in the moments that follow as we think about what just happened and what he's revealed. I've never seen him so open and vulnerable as he is now. I feel as though I should share something with him as well.
"That was my first kiss." I tell him and his head snaps up to look me in the eye, astonished. Granted I am only 13, nearly 14-years-old and he is almost 16. He's a lot more experienced at this than I am. "My first real kiss I mean. Jake Plueger was my first kiss. He kissed me all the time in 3rd grade beneath the slide at recess when we were little but not like this. Not a kiss that meant something. This was my first." I admit suddenly feeling very shy and vulnerable myself and realize I'm rambling.
"And I've gone and messed it up. I'm sorry. You weren't ready." Mikael is shaking his head; disgusted at himself in believing he's pushed me too far too fast.
"No, I wasn't ready." I agree quietly and reach for his hand, intertwining our fingers carefully. "But I am ready now." I look up and meet his gaze realizing how close he is now. We've both been leaning in. Our faces are only mere inches a part now. Slowly he releases my fingers and reaches for the side of my face. This time he's looking into my eyes. I can feel his thumb gently caress my swollen cheek as he holds my face tenderly. His eyes close and so do mine following his lead as the more experienced at this. His lips on mine are as tingly as they were before. For a moment we both freeze enjoying the contact.
On instinct I move first. Gently pulling away from him and brushing our noses before Mikael hungrily pulls me back closer. His hand wraps around the back of my neck and the other still cups my face. Our lips are smashed together and my body is electrified at the sensation when I feel his tongue dart out again and brush against mine for the first time. Once more we freeze and I feel on fire, frozen in the moment once more but this time in elation that he's chosen me. Of all the girls out there, he wants me.
Our perfect moment is abruptly broken when a giant bright spot light turns on and blinds us both. Quickly we pull apart and shield our eyes with our hands as we hear the purr of the boat motor come to life next to us. One thing is immediately clear. We've been caught and we are in serious trouble. I can only hope it's not Cassiopeia and hope its another one of the First Gens as the boat pulls up beside ours.
My hopes are dashed when the bright light shifts to my left to solely blind Mikael and I get my first glimpse of her. Standing tall on the bow of the speedboat glaring down at us is Cassiopeia.
"Get in the boat, Julia." Cassiopeia commands me in an eerily soft voice while not taking her eyes off of Mikael. She doesn't seem to mind blinding him with the searchlight. I hesitate for a moment wondering what she means given that I'm already in a boat. She doesn't give me long to come to the conclusion she means her boat before bellowing again in a much louder and stronger tone to, "Get in the boat, Julia Taylor! Now!"
I quickly jump to my feet with survival instincts coming into play after years of hearing that tone. That tone means I'd better jump when she says so or else. Then I remember my vow to rebel. I hate this woman and she hates me. That is why I am protesting everything she wants me to do this summer. So instead of jumping when she says so, I take my time getting out of our little rowboat and into her big speedboat. Climbing aboard I see that Ares is her captain this evening. I won't bother pondering how they were able to creep up on us in the black of night on such a thing given their abilities as spies.
"The oars." Cassiopeia barks at Mikael, still blinding him with the light. I take a seat in the back of the speedboat.
"Turn the fucking light off, you crazy fucking witch! You're blinding me!" Mikael bravely barks at her. I cringe inside. Even in my rebellion I'd never say such a thing out loud to her face, even if we called her that amongst ourselves.
"That's a General you're addressing. You do so with respect!" Ares voice booms and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. The man rarely raises his voice to this degree. I can see the waves of anger rolling off of him towards Mikael.
"General?" Mikael scoffs in disbelief still squinting. "You've got to be kidding me? He promoted you to Division General?" Mikael seems shocked, horrified and disgusted all at once.
I'm also shocked to hear such news. To be the Division General meant she was now the official Right-Hand Man, or in this case Woman, of Ulric Hendrix our Supreme Command Leader. As General, Cassiopeia was officially in charge of our entire division of soldiers and missions, including all other First Gens now. Not just as their Team Leader but the overall leader. She answered to no one now except, Ulric.
"Julia smashes your face in today with a rock taking you down and suddenly you get promoted? How does that make any sense?" Mikael screeches nearly hysterical at the idea. With their ongoing power struggle it was understandable. As Ulric's heir, he would some day be her boss but for now, she was given even more power over him as General.
I can see the muscles in Cassiopeia's jaw clenching at the reminder that I got the best of her today and smashed her in the face with a rock. Part of me wants to slap Mikael for bringing that up right now but I also can't help but wonder the same thing he is. Why was she promoted considering I took her down today?
"Because she's deserving. The General has proven she's an excellent teacher when her pupils have finally bested her." Ares answers boldly again with eyes flashing towards me briefly and back again. He's losing his patience with Mikael's arguing. They have to put up with more from him than any other student given he was Ulric's heir.
I'm flabbergasted to hear that because I took her down today, she's been promoted. I want to slap myself now for, ever besting her in the river if I inadvertently just gave Cassiopeia more power over us all.
"Give me the oars!" Cassiopeia orders again in her super scary tone that makes even Mikael do as she says, especially now that she's the General. He fumbles around the rowboat trying to grasp the oars and hands them blindly over to her. She sets them down on the floor of our boat and then flicks the searchlight off. Her arms cross over her chest while continuing to glare at Mikael. Even as Ares puts the boat in reverse and slowly pulls away from the rowboat, she stands there glaring at Mikael. My heart starts to pound when Ares shifts the boat again and we are once more moving forward. Running Mikael over in the rowboat is not something I'd put past Cassiopeia. Given how much she and Mikael dislike each other given their situation as elder and heir. Thankfully Ares maneuvers the boat around Mikael's rowboat at the last second as to not run him over. Ares is not quite as crazy as Cassiopeia when it comes to actually doing such things but if she'd wanted him to run Mikael over, the man wouldn't hesitate given how devoted he was to her.
"You're just going to leave me here? Without any oars?" Mikael shouts after Cassiopeia. I can hear his outrage travel across the otherwise flat calm water. "How am I supposed to get back?"
"I'm sure you'll figure it out." Cassiopeia answers him. She takes a seat beside me in the back of the boat. Ares punches it into high speed to zoom across the lake back towards camp and I feel bad for Mikael being stranded out there. I know he is resourceful having grown up on the water in Sweden and would ultimately figure out a way to get back in. Even swim if need be. It wasn't so far he'd drown but he'd certainly be freezing cold and tired by the time he arrived on shore. I get the impression Cassiopeia's been waiting a long time to have the authority to punish Mikael in some way. Stranding him right now was about the extent of her abilities to punish Mikael given his status as the Heir. Her ability to punish me, however, was much greater. Whatever punishment awaited me, I did not care. I was on Cloud Nine from my first real kiss and nothing this evil woman could do to me could kill my buzz.
"I don't care what you do to punish me." I bravely turn to face her for the first time and speak my mind.
"General." Ares corrects me with a scolding tone at not addressing her properly. Clearly he's proud of her accomplishment and means to make sure the rest of us respect the new title.
Immediately, I feel my stomach roll in fear at what my brazen outburst might get me by way of punishment; especially when Cassiopeia just stares at me with those piercing blue eyes that look coal black in the night.
"I'm not going to punish you." She answers calmly after several moments of silence.
"What?" I nearly fall over from shock.
"Not this time anyway." Cassiopeia remedies her statement looking at my hand and then looks away as the boat begins pulling into the dock at camp. "We have other pressing matters to attend to. Your hand needs to be rewrapped. We will take care of that now."
Ares quickly shuts the boat off and hops onto the dock, extending his hand to help Cassiopeia up and then myself. My stomach pitches and rolls; I feel as though I am going to vomit as the fear surges through me about what all this means. I follow behind them up the long dock towards the cabins. Cassiopeia's outrage, her booming voice, her brutal punishments and extended workouts were something I was expecting, something I could handle. Going easy on me withholding punishment was unheard of. This was unexpected. This meant that something was horribly wrong in our universe. I had blatantly disobeyed her every command today, during the battle, by removing my hand wrap, by leaving my cabin after hours, by finding me in the middle of the lake with the boy she hated and told me to stay away from. All in direct violation of our Honor Code at camp to always obey our superiors.
I stopped walking and stare at their backs. "What's wrong?" My sixth sense had picked up on something very off. Something didn't feel right and immediately my fear shifted to somewhere else, to someone else. "Is it my mother?" I ask trying to keep the fear from my tone.
"You will address her as-" Ares has nearly lost his patience with me for not addressing Cassiopeia the way I am supposed to but she places her hand on his chest and stops him, which only makes my heart pound more furiously inside my chest that something was wrong.
Cassiopeia turns around slowly to face me and nods once softly, answering my question. Immediately the tears surge forth in my eyes.
"Is she dead?" I ask trying not to sob. I know that breaking down is forbidden while I am here. Under orders to compartmentalize my life outside this camp and not let it affect me but in this moment I don't care. Somewhere inside me I knew something felt terribly wrong tonight. But I don't feel the disconnection. Surely I would feel that if she were dead, right? I would know if my own mother was dead. I would feel it given how close we were. I'd always felt her emotions: her joy, her pain and her sorrow. Surely I would have felt her die. "Is she dead?" I ask again in more of a panic when Cassiopeia doesn't answer me quickly enough.
"No," She finally answers me shaking her head. "She's not dead. Yet." Cassiopeia adds softly and takes a step forward then stops herself. Instead she stands more upright folding her arms over her chest again. "But your father called. They want you to come home right now."
"Is he coming to get me?" I ask moving quickly towards her now, not wanting to waste time knowing that it's running out for my mother.
"No. I'm taking you home." She answers and then spins on her heel, walking quickly just ahead of me.
Her answer surprises me but at this moment I don't care to ponder it too much. I have too many other things going through my mind.
"I need to get my things." I say as we break through the woods and enter the main campus. I can see the light on in my cabin where the girls are clearly awake. No doubt they were the ones that told Cassiopeia where to find me and I can only pray they weren't harmed in her immediate wrath upon finding me absent from my bunk. I could care less about my camp clothes being left behind, but there is a photo hidden in my nightstand that I want to take with me.
"I've already packed your things. We are going to the infirmary to get a splint for your hand and then we are leaving. Your bag is already in the car." She answers leading the way towards our camp's makeshift hospital and away from our cabin where I can see silhouettes of the girls in the window looking out at us. They're probably looking to make sure I'm still alive. Make sure that Cassiopeia hasn't killed me upon finding me out with Mikael.
My heart starts pounding again at the thought of this woman packing my things and also in leaving behind my photo. The photo taped to the bottom of my nightstand drawer that she wouldn't have packed not knowing it was there. It was contraband. No one knew it was there. Not even Nyah. I kept it there only for myself to sneak out late at night when no one else was awake. I start to panic at the thought of leaving it behind as we walk into the infirmary. Cassiopeia goes into the supply room to retrieve a splint for my hand and I'm left standing outside the door. My mind is racing on what I should do. I have to get my photo. It is the only photo that exists of my mother and me on the day of my birth. She's young, beautiful, vibrant and healthy. Exactly as I always wish to remember her. So happy to be holding me in her arms while we both sleep, our faces nestled together after such a trying birthday and yet she's smiling. I have always loved this photo and I can't leave it behind.
When Cassiopeia emerges with splint in hand, I try to figure out what exactly I need to say to go back into the cabin and not expose the reason: that I have contraband. Because if she sees where I'm hiding it, I may expose the hiding spots of the other girls in my cabin. Like Nyah's pain pills and they all could be punished because of me.
Cassiopeia grabs my wrist as I stand like a statue unable to move or think as I feel my world crashing down in a million ways. My foggy mind clicks into gear when I see her walking towards the black BMW parked in front of us. Looking down I realize she's already put my brace on while I was pondering the photo and it's hiding place. I can't leave it behind.
"I have to go back to the cabin. There is something I have to get."
"I told you I packed your things. There is no time to go back. We are leaving, Julia. This is not a discussion." Cassiopeia fires back at me getting into the car. "Get in the car. Your duffle is in the back." She nods with her head towards the rear of the car and then slams her door shut.
The engine is revving in the next second and I know I need to move whether I like it or not. I refuse to sit in the front seat beside her and so I climb into the backseat with my duffle. She can be my chauffer for the evening on our long drive back to Montana; I don't care. I'm exhausted and in pain and feel like crying myself to sleep during this road trip. The last thing I need is to worry about her looking over and scolding me about showing my emotions. The woman has no feelings. She's the Ice Queen. A soul-less monster. My mother is dying and I've lost precious time with her this summer because the evil woman in the front seat showed up at my house and demanded that I come to camp. That is was 'essential for my future.'
No, crazy lady, my mother is essential to my future. Not this camp and especially not you! The tears are streaming down my cheeks as we drive silently into the night.
An hour goes by before I start getting chilly from the drop in temperature outside and in the car given that Cassiopeia likes to have the air conditioner running on high. Typical of the Ice Queen, I rant to myself, sniffling back more tears I reach for my duffle. If she's really packed my things, my sweatshirt should be in here somewhere. I grab the zipper and pull and the first thing I see takes my breath away. The photo. Quickly my eyes flash to the rearview mirror and find Cassiopeia's staring straight back at me. The black eye I gave her in the river this morning is starting to turn all sorts of nasty colors.
"I told you I packed your things." Cassiopeia speaks answering the question that was never even asked. She knew what I wanted to go back for and had already packed it. But how did she know? Again, she answers before I can speak. "Did you really think I don't know where you all hide your contraband?" She looks back at the road leaving me stunned in silence offering no further explanations.
She knew all along. About my photo, about Nyah's pain pills and likely everyone else's contraband. Yet, she let us keep it. Why didn't she destroy it if she knew it was there? That was standard Council Protocol: to destroy what we were forbidden to have.
"Drop me off at the front door. You don't need to come in with me." I announce as Cassiopeia pulls into the hospital entrance the next morning. We spent the rest of the night in silence. I even managed to fall asleep somehow, waking only moments ago with a beam of bright sunlight blinding me during the sunrise.
"It seems that you have forgotten your place, Julia. You don't give me orders." Cassiopeia levels back at me via the rearview mirror. Her golden aviator glasses firmly back in place and shielding her gaze from the sun. "I give you orders."
"I don't need a babysitter to find my mother's hospital room and I don't want you there. You're not my family." I counter not really caring anymore how she reacts as we pull into a parking spot. Nothing seems to matter anymore given I'm about to lose my mother.
"Do you really think I'm enjoying this, Julia? That I'm here of my own accord?" Cassiopeia turns around to look at me in the back seat and her voice is like ice as she scolds me. "Enjoy being your babysitter for the last two summers? Training you one-on-one when I have my own missions and meetings and other pupils to attend to as well? Putting up with your horrid teenage attitude and disobedient behavior like the stunt you pulled last night? Do you think I enjoy driving hundreds of miles to pick you up out in the middle of nowhere?" She waves her hands around indicating the vast desolate mountainous rangeland we're in now. "And now, dropping you off when I already have a busy schedule? More so, then ever before with a promotion and more responsibility. You think I enjoy having to ask Isis and Diana to rearrange their lives to cover the rest of my students at camp last night and today, so that I could bring you all the way back here? For the Division General to be your personal chauffer?" Her voice is rising in octave and the disdain for me is heard loud and clear. "Do you realize how exceptional this is? For you to leave your summer training to be able to be with your mother? Do you realize the exceptions being made for you, Julia, in comparison to everyone else?"
By the time she's done with her rant tears are streaming silently down my face as I stare out the window looking anywhere but at her. "I never asked to be the exception. I never asked for any of this." I say quietly and defiantly reaching for the door handle needing to escape. "I just want to be left the hell alone!" I snap back at her and step out of the car, violently tugging my duffle bag out after me, and sniffling back more tears.
"That's never going to happen." Cassiopeia gets out of the car behind me and starts walking with me towards the hospital. "We both know that. You were chosen and so was I. So you can whine and protest all you want but the outcome is still going to be the same. Now pull it together." She commands as we walk into the building.
The sight of my sobbing tears is unnerving her and against regulation. As long as I'm in her presence or anyone in The Council I'm supposed to compartmentalize my feelings and not show my emotions. To show emotions is to show vulnerability. It's part of her training the last several years and right now I'm sure it makes her feel like a failure as a teacher.
"We both follow orders, Julia. And my orders from Ulric are to deliver you to your parents and then get straight back to camp." Cassiopeia pushes the elevator button with excessive force, refusing to remove her sunglasses even though we are indoors now. "Our lives are not our own. The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be."
"I will never accept that." I say quietly and defiantly.
"Then you're going to have a really hard time." She leans back against the smooth steal wall of the elevator with a sigh.
"And how is that any different then now?" I fire back thinking of how my mother is dying and I can't imagine there being anything worse or harder.
She stares at me for a moment and then speaks in almost a whisper, "You have no idea."