This is the 4th Chapter of the new installment into Julia's backstory. Don't want anyone to miss something as each chapter is significant in her life and becoming The Phoenix we end up knowing in ROE- Wild
Monsters & Messengers
June 7th, 1996
"You've got to be kidding me." I inhale sharply taking a seat at my desk. My Social Studies book drops loudly in front of me and I slump into my chair. It's the last day of school before summer, a day that most students celebrate. I have grand plans for this summer with my 'normal' friends that don't include war games and training at Camp Council. I don't have any parents anymore to make me go this year and I am determined to make my own fate. Except, right now I feel as though that option is being preemptively stricken before my eyes staring down the familiar figure at the front of the classroom. Beautiful blonde hair pulled up perfectly into a French twist, slender frame, muscular arms, a black pencil skirt and those deadly high heels. Even looking at her back as she writes her name on the white board I know exactly who she is. Or rather who she is claiming to be now. Cassiopeia.
I cannot escape this woman. Cassiopeia was at my mother's funeral. Looking stealthy in a black dress and lingering on the edges of the crowd at the burial site, slipping in and out unnoticed by most everyone but me. The hairs stood up on the back of my neck then just as they did now alerting me to her presence. And then I saw her again during Winter Break training last December but she was noticeably absent during the Spring Break training session. Now here she was, again. Standing before me only this time playing the role of Substitute Teacher.
"Hello class, my name is Ms. Robins and I'll be your substitute teacher today in place of Mrs. Slater." Cassiopeia smiles her radiant drop you to your knees disarming smile and I hear several of the boys around gulp and whistle under their breath as their fantasies about 'teacher' take flight.
"What happened to Mrs. Slater? Is she okay?" I ask immediately concerned for one of my favorite teachers wellbeing. For Cassiopeia to appear in her stead with reason, no doubt, meant they had to get rid of Mrs. Slater for the day somehow. It wasn't the first time a, First Gen had spontaneously appeared at the front of my classroom over the years as a Substitute Teacher to check in on me. They were known to do so with nearly every pupil of theirs to keep us on track.
"She's fine." Cassiopeia answers flatly with a hint of annoyance that I dare to ask such a question in front of my peers. A fake smile slowly spreads across her face while simultaneously giving off a well-practiced show of empathy. "She had an unfortunate car accident last night that left her with a bit of whiplash. Nothing that time won't heal."
"What kind of accident, Mrs. Robinson?" I ask purposefully mispronouncing her name. The reference is lost on most of my peers too young to realize the significance of that name, the famous 1960s film, or the comparison I'm making of our new teacher and the seductive older woman in the movie by the same name. Only a few who do recognize the name and comparison laugh softly.
"Ms. Robins. And just a small fender bender at an intersection I'm told." Cassiopeia's eyes flash back to mine and effectively end my questioning or comparisons. She saunters around the desk and sits on its edge, crossing her long naked legs and mesmerizing the boys as she clicks her heal and I snort rolling my eyes at her, that she is every bit 'Mrs. Robinson' right now.
"Since it's your last day, it will be a very easy day. Especially with Mrs. Slater out. I'll have you form two lines to turn in your books on either side of me here at the desk and then we can spend the rest of the period chatting about your summer plans. How does that sound?" She smiles happily disarming the students who cheer at having such an, 'awesome substitute' who doesn't care about following the curriculum today. If only they knew, I think to myself watching Cassiopeia in action. Her smile freaks me out as it's not something I'm used to seeing. Even if I know it's for her cover at the moment, I can't help but be unnerved by the fact she appears happy, chipper even. It's just not natural when I hear her laugh during the conversation she's having with the boys in the front row. I've never heard such a sound coming from her. She doesn't laugh. Ever. In all the years I've known her this is the first time I'm hearing it and the sound is so unnatural I actually prefer her screaming at me.
I don't say a single word the rest of the period as I watch her intently. Studying her every move just as she taught me to do with others, I try to figure out why she's here. She has gone around the room asking each student what are their plans for the summer and excitedly gives feedback when they mention somewhere she's either been or has always wanted to go. When Sarah reveals her family is going to Florida and Disney World, Cassiopeia says she's never been but has always wanted to go. Her answer catches me completely off guard. It can't possibly be true. Why on earth would she want to go there? The 'happiest place on Earth' was likely somewhere this woman thinks is closer to 'hell on Earth.' Clearly it is a manipulation to make these people feel at ease.
The bell is about to ring releasing everyone from not only this class but also the school year. She has yet to call on me and I know she's saving me for last because no matter my answer, she clearly has other plans for my summer.
"And you," Cassiopeia pretends to look down at the seating chart to learn my name, "Julia Taylor. What are your plans for the summer?" She asks aiming that nerve-wracking smile my way.
"Oh, you know… the usual stuff, I guess. Hiking, kayaking, horse riding… likely a little murder and mayhem thrown in there as well." I rattle off sarcastically with a smug smile at the end and my classmates erupt in laughter at my answer. They have no idea I'm speaking the truth. I've been mostly silent this year in school after my mother died last summer. So to hear me speak with such candor and a smile catches them off guard. My answer is too ironic for them given my normally shy, sweet nature and smile. I'm the last person they'd ever believe capable of something so outrageous, which is why they're all laughing. Everyone that is, except Cassiopeia. Her facial muscles tense revealing she's clenching her teeth in frustration as she stares me down across the room. She's hiding that frustration behind her own smug smile and not amused I'm making a joke out of our reality.
"Is that so, Miss Taylor?" Cassiopeia asks quietly trying to act as though she's amused for the sake of my classmates still laughing.
"Probably." I answer and am saved by the bell. Students launch up out of their desks and hurry towards the door, all chattering excitedly about the end of the school year. I stay where I'm sitting. There is no point in me leaving this room until she says whatever it is she came here to say.
Like a lioness quietly stalking its' prey, she remains sitting on the desk staring at me across the room for several long moments without flinching. We both listen to the hustle of students and slamming of lockers outside the door in our silent showdown, waiting to see who makes a move first.
"I don't have time for this." I finally give in and reach for my bag about to stand and leave.
"Drop it." She says in a deadly calm and slides off the desk moving towards me. The click of her heels on tile sound like nails in the coffin of my previous summer plans to be 'normal.'
"Why are you here?" I ask as she sits down beside me. "I'm not going back to camp. It seems to be optional these days anyway given you were nowhere to be found for the spring training session." I find myself angry that she wasn't there and yet I had to be.
"Why are you here, General." She corrects my obvious sign of disrespect for her, clearly annoyed that I'm still doing everything in my teenage power to rebel. "Camp is not optional. And not that it's any of your business, but I wasn't there this spring because I was busy with the Kosovo Liberation Army trying to stop a war and deal with psychopaths intent on ethnic cleansing." She rattles off in annoyance and takes a quick breath, "And no, you're not going back to camp and not because you say so but because we have other plans for you." She confirms. "You're going to Brazil."
"What?" I gasp in astonishment with heart starting to pound. "Why?"
"Command has decided that it was time you start Field Training actually in the field. I've been ordered to deliver you to the drop off point in Miami where you'll meet with several other members of the North American & Northern Europe Divisions teams." She answers quietly and I know it's futile to ask for anymore mission directives given where we are. It's always need-to-know with her and I never need to know, as she says. With her, you get orders and you follow them. "We are leaving tonight."
"What about my grandparents?" I ask realizing she's likely already thought up some story to feed them about where I was off to this summer and why. "Ma'am." I add when she refuses to answer my question until I show her the proper amount of respect.
I live with my grandparents, for right now at least. A few months after my mother's death my father announced he was getting remarried to someone I'd never met. Obviously, that didn't go over too well with me. He was starting a new life and I was a reminder of the past he was trying to forget in his grief over my mother's death. I had been traded around various relatives, because really? Who wants a grief stricken teenager? I landed with my maternal grandparents for the time being. My situation was temporary, though, until a more permanent home could be found within Foster Care since my grandparents' health wasn't the best. They didn't feel as though they could care for me long term given their situation. Either way, my family was completely destroyed with the death of my mother. It became each man for himself in survival mode. I'd become like everyone else in The Program without parents or a real home. I was on my own now. No more exceptions were made for me.
"They think you're going to visit friends from The Program." Cassiopeia answered me. "Given your grandmother's health now, they have other concerns right now to deal with. Your grandfather said he was happy to have you off doing something fun all summer rather than watching someone else you love going through treatment for cancer." She adds the last part not quite as harsh as the first.
My eyes roll of their own accord and I snort sarcastically. "I have some awesome mutant genes in my family, don't I?" First my mother, now my grandmother; it seems like everyone I love is battling their own bodies for survival.
"They were nervous about letting you leave the country but, " Cassiopeia ignores my comment and proceeds to stand, "I assured them it was for the best and that you'd have fun."
I snort really loudly with that comment as I move to follow her. "Your version of fun and mine differ greatly…ma'am."
"Stop snorting, Julia. You sound like a pig." She responds without looking at me nipping my new bad sarcastic snorting habit in the bud immediately. "Fun is all in how you play the game. And hunting, can be fun."
July 3rd, 1996
"This is not fun!" I scream over the sound of gunfire as I crouch behind the corner. I wait for a break in fire and then race across the crammed filthy alleyway to take refuge behind a dumpster while bullets whiz by my ears and bite at me feet. Hunting Human Traffickers in the slums of Brazil was not my idea of fun. "Cassiopeia is a liar." I huff out of breath as I wait for the rest of our team to cross the alley behind me. We're following our Team Leader, Nyah, out of the slum in the hills of Rio de Janeiro. So far we've taken out several of their key members and released dozens of young girls from their holding cells over the past few weeks in various locations. Tonight though, all hell was breaking loose. Somehow our enemy was able to surround us and we were looking for a way out.
"Of course she is a liar." Nyah slides across the dirt on her knees coming back to meet us. "They blocked the exit we used last time but I found a drainage pipe under the building four streets over."
"Full of shit and piss no doubt." Katya whines as she clips another magazine into her gun.
"Of course. It's a sewer pipe." Nyah answers, "But it's our way out. Stay low. One at a time. I'll go first and make sure it's clear on the other side. Jules, you go last. Make sure everyone is through." She takes command and we all ready ourselves for what we hope will be our escape into the jungle.
"Roger." I answer her and pop out slightly away from where I am against the wall and start ushering everyone in our team to move up in the darkness. "You stay back here with me." I grab Mikael's flak jacket and hold him back as the others pass. "Need to keep eyes on you lest you have ideas of grandeur again." I narrow my eyebrows at him thinking back to the last mission he insisted upon coming along with us on. Trying to be a hero, he exposed our position and we all took hits attempting to protect him. I narrowly missed being hacked in half by a machete. He was still sporting two black eyes from where Nyah had pistol whipped him in the face, breaking his nose upon our return to the safe house. Yet, here he was again. Insisting on coming along. Insisting on learning about the missions he'd one day send his Worker Bees on as the commanding heir of our division.
"I'm not crawling out of here through a sewer pipe!" Mikael's eyes are slits and his voice is enraged as I try to shush him to keep his voice down. "She's not leading us out of here through other people's shit!" Of course he somehow believes that Nyah is doing it simply to piss him off. The world revolves around him in his mind. "There has to be another way!"
"There isn't or she would have found it." I back my Team Leader and knock the prince off his pedestal. "You think we like crawling through other people's shit and piss? And would do so just to make you suffer? We are trying to stay alive! This is our job. You're the one who insisted on coming. This is what you get. To crawl through the shit with us peasants, Your Highness. Now get moving!" I nudged him forward seeing he's still acting like a petulant child. A child who I realize more and more is rarely if ever told 'no' as the Heir.
"I'm out of ammo." Mikael whispers to me as he crouches beside me. My reality check has gotten him to focus on the matter at hand at least. Getting out of here alive.
"Don't worry. I'll cover you." I nod for him to take his place in line as we wait to weave through the city streets like the rest of our team. Nyah didn't give him as much ammo as the rest of us and with good reason. In his last appearance with us, he must have thought he was Jesse James in the Wild West shooting at anything that moved. What ammo we did give him this time was merely to keep him occupied so the rest of us could work.
"Julia, I need ammo!" He screeches through his whisper, almost whining like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.
"Fine." I slap my sidearm into his palm and meet his eyes in the darkness. "But don't waste it!" I order him before releasing the gun seeing his nod of acceptance. "Get moving." I push him along a makeshift barn stall made of scrap tin and plywood in this slum of many oddities and wonders. The horse starts stamping its feet and making noises not liking the intrusion of us visitors. We can hear the men searching for us yelling through the neighborhood. I spot a small boy sitting in his bedroom window in the house directly across the street watching us duck into the shadows of the barn. His eyes lock with mine and I silently raise my finger to my lips indicating to him to be quiet and hoping he'll not give our position away. Most of the people in this slum want the Drug Lords and gangs gone just as badly as we do. They bring violence to an otherwise peaceful people. The ones who do rat out our position usually do so out of fear. The boy nods he will keep quiet. The horse, on the other hand, continues to grow louder in his noise making and is about to give away our position away.
"I'm just going to shoot it." Roman, one of Ares trainees, levels his sidearm with a silencer at the horse and I grab his hand to stop him.
"No."
"We're under standing orders to silence anything that gives away our position."
"These people need this horse to make a living. We don't kill unless we have to." I remind them of the origins of those orders which are meant for people, but I extend them towards animals as well, especially horses growing up on a ranch. "We need to move and quickly." I whisper to Mikael, Gillian and Roman as the three still left behind with me, and look for a new place to hide. We hear the footfall of the men coming towards the horse stall. Quickly, I push my team across the street and into the front door of the house where the boy is sitting upstairs in the window. We are just two streets away now from where the drainage-pipe leads to our freedom and yet we can't reach it at this moment. We must find a place to hide until the men move on.
By the time I make my way into the darkened kitchen, Roman, Mikael and Gillian have the boy's sister and parents cornered downstairs with hands over their mouths to keep them from screaming at the home invaders. The sheer terror and panic that races across their eyes is quickly replaced by shock and awe. To finally see the people who've been hunting and killing the Slum Lords and that we, are in fact still children, teenagers mostly startles them. It's clear they were expecting us to be much older as most Special Operations Teams are.
The mother nods her acceptance that she won't scream if they let go, so I nod at my teammates and they all slowly release the family. We hear the men outside say they're going to start checking the houses in the area. We move quickly and quietly up the rickety stairs commanding the parents and sister to go back to their beds and act as though they were sleeping. The boy meets us at the top of the stairs and points towards an open window on the opposite end of the house leading away from the street. I poke my head out quickly to assess the situation and see that just above the window is a ledge where we can climb out onto the roof. I silently motion Roman to go first while I cover. Roman pulls himself up and then turns to help both Gillian and Mikael up to join him.
I smile at the boy and kiss his cheek in appreciation. Immediately I realize what a stupid mistake I've just made. The boy's cheek is now smeared with my tactical black face paint, evidence that we'd been there. It's useless to try and wipe off the oil-based paint as I know it's designed to stay on skin unless washed with soap. I try not to alarm him and instead smile and tell him in Portuguese to get back to bed and pretend he's sleeping. I'm just outside the window when I hear the men below banging on the door for the owners to open up. We wait in the shadows for several minutes until we hear the men threaten to kill the boy once they discover the black paint smear on his face, unless the parents tell them the truth. As any good parent would do, they cave immediately and point in the direction we've gone to protect their child. They've at least bought us some time. We hear them start thundering up the stairs after us and once they see the open window, I know they'll know that's where we've gone.
"Go! Go! Go!" I whisper shout into our Coms and we start moving quickly over the hot tin roofs, leaping across the gaps between homes trying to make our break to freedom. There is no hiding we are here now, not with the sound our boots are making as we run for our lives across the metal material. The men are in hot pursuit chasing us from behind. I can hear two men on motorbikes below pursuing us from street level obviously receiving Intel from the men behind us.
"We should have shot the damn horse!" I hear Roman grumble and at this point I have to agree with him. I've created a horrible situation by making two mistakes: the sparing the horse and kissing the boy. As we near the correct coordinates and our path towards freedom, I plan our exit strategy. The drainage pipe we're heading towards is on the left and the street with motorbikes is on the right.
"One at a time. Each gap. Someone drop down and head straight for the pipe." I command them trying to break up our group intending to lead the pursuers away from where the rest of the team was going. "I'll lead them away."
"Jules, no!" Mikael immediately begins to protest but Roman shoves him off the side of the building at the next gap knowing that we didn't have time for Mikael to argue. I hear Mikael crash into the boxes of crates below and know he's at least alive when I hear him swear. We run another twenty feet across roofline before Roman drops down into the darkness and then Gillian. I run out of the shadows and into the light on the other side of the roof leading the men chasing me away from my friends. The rooflines are vertically climbing higher as more stories are stacked onto each house moving up the mountain. The whiz of bullets zipping past me, immediately catch my attention. I run harder towards a giant string of cabana streetlights hanging between two buildings. I plan on using them for my escape. Jumping off four stories at this point would likely end very badly and the lights serve to break my fall.
"Argh!" I bite back a scream when I feel a painful explosion rip through my back into my right shoulder and realize that I've been shot. The adrenaline surges through me and I focus all my efforts into turning around and firing my weapon wildly behind me in an attempt to buy me more time. It works and for a moment and the shooters take cover. I'm able to grab the string of white lights like a rope and jump. The grip with my right hand is mostly useless at this point with my shoulder wound but I hold on tightly. My hands are shredding as I slide down the string of lights breaking bulbs as I go. Finally, I let go to drop down the last ten feet. I'm out in the open and see the alley leading to the street I want to be on when I hear the motorbike racing around to cut me off. Faster than I ever thought possible, I run into the blackened alley and dodge the sprays of bullets now coming from above off the roof.
"Jules!" Mikael shouts climbing back out of the drainage pipe as Roman tries to drag him back in. He's struggling against Roman with gun raised in my direction and I know by the look in his eyes what he's trying to warn me about hearing the motorbike behind me. I dive into a roll and as I do, Mikael fires directly above me killing the driver of the motorbike and causing it to crash. His passenger, who was about to shoot me, flies off violently into the side of a building and lays motionless on the ground. As soon as I'm on my feet again I'm running towards the pipe.
"Get in there!" I shove Mikael down and push him in front of me, making sure I'm the last to get in, as it was my job to cover us. "Move!" I order him, turning around to lay cover fire on those who are attempting to pursue us. There are only three left who have seen where we found our escape in this tunnel and I know that unless I take them out, they'll tell the others searching elsewhere for us where to find the rest of my team on the other side of this wall.
Gritting me teeth in pain I crawl forward in the sewage flooding the bottom of the drainage pipe and aim my rifle towards its entrance. I wait until the enemy is so close that I can see all three pairs of legs approaching the tunnel and then I fire ripping their legs out from under them. Once they're all on the ground moaning in pain I fire three more shots into their heads to end their' suffering. I don't have time to think about the fact that I've just killed three people. Until this moment, it has always been someone else on my team that's actually made the kill. I've maimed several on the mission this summer but never killed. Not until now.
My survival instincts have kicked in. I know that I cannot leave the bodies just outside the drainage pipe or it will tell the others exactly where to look for us. Quickly I sling my gun around my back and grab hold of the nearest mans foot pulling him into the sewer drain with me. I cry out in pain and bite my lip so hard it bleeds to keep quiet my cries as my shoulder feels as though it's ripping apart. I get his body inside far enough to fit the other two bodies deep in the shadows and then quickly go back for the second. Each man seems to be heavier than the first, even if they are only boys not much older than myself. My entire arm is soaked in rivers of blood from my efforts mixing with the putrid smell of human waste and the world starts swimming around me with blood loss and the urge to vomit. I can hear someone coming back through the tunnel behind me and I'm about to shout at Mikael to 'get his ass to the other side' when Nyah swoops in beside me and grabs the other leg of the man.
"Count of three." She whispers to me and I nod, waiting for the count and then heave when she does to get the last and biggest man into the pipe and out of the street. We are just in time as we hear the second motorbike coming around looking for the men.
Quietly we crawl further into the long wide pipe crossing to the other side of the slums outer wall and into the jungle. As soon as we emerge hands are reaching down to pull us out and into the cover and safety of the jungle. My feet barely touch the ground as Roman and Oscar, another one of Ares trainees, whisk me along quickly under the arms towards our rendezvous point where Thor and Isis are waiting.
"We need to stop the bleeding." Katya calls up to Nyah leading the charge through the jungle. "She's about to pass out from blood loss."
Quickly the boys at my side set me down gently and everyone gets to work, searching through their packs for the First Aid materials we all carry. Without saying a word, they work silently as a team to clean, pack and wrap the wound the best they can in less than 30 seconds. With our training we work faster than any Formula One pit crew when it comes to handling wounds and then we're all off again.
"She's been hit." Are the first words out of Nyah's mouth as we hit the clearing two miles deep into the hillside jungle.
First Gens, Isis and Thor, move quickly to my side as the boys lay me face first into the cool wet dirt so they can assess my injuries.
"Dear God," Thor scrunches his face at the horrendous smell we're giving off and takes notice of the wet grey slop covering our tactical gear for the first time in the moonlight.
"Sewage tunnel. The only way out." Nyah offers shyly as a way of explanation. "We all made it."
"Good job." Isis commends her on a job well done. I see a little sparkle in Nyah's eyes before my vision starts to fade now that the adrenaline is wearing off.
"The wound isn't bad." Thor inspects my bullet wound with poking and prodding fingers, "But we've got to get her on antibiotics ASAP to stop the infection." He didn't need to explain why. We all knew that open wounds and crawling through shit pipes weren't exactly a great combination.
We were meant to hike out of here back to our safe house some ten miles away, but there is no way I'm going to last that long. Isis calls it in for our extraction.
Less than ten minutes later, Cassiopeia and Ares arrive on the scene with four jeeps to collect us. As we all pile inside, I notice the way that Mikael is holding his arm.
"Did you break it?" I ask.
"Yeah. When some asshole threw me off a roof." He leveled his glare at Roman sitting across from us while we wait for Cassiopeia to take the passenger seat in the front of our jeep. "I won't be able to hold my polo club properly the rest of the season now thanks to you."
"This asshole saved your life. You would have argued us all to death. Literally." Roman was unapologetic and rightfully so.
"Is this the life you envisioned when you followed us down here? Trading in your glamorous lifestyle for this. Are you having fun yet?" I ask Mikael after a moment of silence looking at us both covered in feces and blood. His arm broken, me shot in the back, and the pair of us earning our first kills in the field this evening in a fight for survival. I was hoping he understood now, what it felt like that day during Capture the Flag last summer with Cassiopeia drowning me and my only option for survival was to smash her face in with a rock. It wasn't fun. It wasn't entertaining. We'd been fighting for survival and he thought it all amusing and wonderful sitting safely on the sidelines then. Just a simple game to him, but that game was to prepare us for missions like the one tonight. There were no smiles or victorious cheers wishing he could be in my place this time.
"Nothing about any of this was fun. Running for our lives, crawling through shit and getting hurt." Mikael answers my question with deep concern washing over his features as he looks at my blood soaked bandages.
"Good." Cassiopeia speaks from the front seat listening in on our conversation and turns around to face Mikael. "I hope you remember that when you take over some day as the head of this division. When you are the one sending people on missions such as these. With great power comes great responsibility." She pauses to let that sink in. "Our lives will be in your hands, Mikael. All our lives." She purposefully turns her eyes towards me and back towards him again. "Use that power carefully." She hasn't said a word to me yet about being shot but I know it's coming. I see the storm brewing in her eyes before she looks away.
"I can't believe you were been shot in the back! What were you thinking?" Cassiopeia scolds me while pacing just outside the open shower stall. Nyah and Katya are scrubbing me down on her orders. I groan in pain as the hot water sprays down on me washing away the filth and blood and I cannot resist the urge to vomit. I lurch forward with body spasming and purge the putrid bile until I dry heave. Nyah is struggling to hold me upright with my body convulsions while Katya uses a scrub brush to literally scrub my skin raw. Before any surgical attempt can be made to repair my shoulder I must be cleaned up given we'd crawled to freedom through sewage. "I taught you better than this!" I can feel her penetrating gaze upon me even if my eyes are closed.
"I did what you said, ma'am." I can barely speak as the lifeblood draining from my body has literally left me as weak as a kitten. "You don't kill unless necessary."
"That applies to humans, Julia Taylor!" Cassiopeia's voice thunders through the steamy stone bathroom. "Not to animals and you know that. You should have shot the damn horse before it gave away your position!"
"It's my fault, ma'am. I should have shot the animal first or led them around the barn." Nyah steps in trying to take the blame as Team Leader.
"Yes, you should have!" Cassiopeia's lightening bright eyes turn on Nyah but not for long. "But it was Julia's responsibility to act in the moment and she failed. She led the rest of the team on a wild goose chase through the ghetto, getting shot! And for no other reason than she wanted to spare the horse! For being such a genius, Julia Taylor, you are acting like an idiot!"
"Those people need that horse to make a living, ma'am. I thought I could get the team hidden safely until danger passed. I was wrong." I accept my responsibility and fault in this failed mission.
"It's not your job to worry about that horse or how those people are going to make a living when your life is on the line, Julia!" She yells at me while Nyah and Katya turn the water off and try to wrap me in a towel while I sink to my knees on the tile floor, unable to stand anymore. "I taught you better than this! How the hell am I supposed to explain to my superior why you risked your life and the lives of your teammates and Mikael because you wouldn't kill a horse?" Her hands reach out and roughly grab my upper arms to pull me upright again. "What happened to you? Where is the ruthless girl who smashed my face in with a rock in the river that day to survive? Do you have any idea how much trouble you've just brought down on yourself by doing this?" She shakes me slightly and I can feel she's losing her tight control. "When you fail, I fail! Do you understand that? Do you?" She yells at me when I no longer answer.
"General," Katya braves interrupting, "I'm sorry but I think she needs medical attention right away." Her eyes glance down at the new small puddle of blood forming around my bare feet now that my bandages have been removed and skin scrubbed raw.
Cassiopeia lets go of my arms and pulls back sharply. Both girls catch me to keep me from falling onto the bathroom tiles, as I'm barely conscious and unable to stand on my own. Cassiopeia takes a further step back, regaining her composure and nods without speaking that they should take me away.
I wake sometime later surrounded by several members of my team, including Nyah and Mikael. When Mikael moves in closer I can see he's sporting a bright white cast up to his elbow now.
"I'm sorry." I feel the first words I need to speak are of an apology to my team for letting them down. "I should have just let Roman kill the horse." My eyes flash over to the boy who had tried to do the right thing then and follow orders.
"No, ultimately it's my fault." Nyah counters. "As Team Leader you're all my responsibility and I should have taken the damn horse out before choosing that barn stall as a cover point."
"Guys, I think we did ok all things considered." Gillian pipes up looking around the room. "We are the only team that made it back tonight complete and mostly intact." She smiles softly down at me resting in the makeshift hospital bed here in our safe house. "All the other teams lost more than one member. I'd say that's a success even if we failed some of our mission objectives."
"I don't think Cassiopeia shares that opinion." Katya chimes in. "You should have seen and heard her losing it on Julia in the bathroom earlier. You'd have thought we lost the whole war tonight."
"She expects perfection from us." Nyah speaks quietly looking up at Katya, "Didn't you hear what she said? If we fail, she fails. She sees our every misstep and screw up as a personal failure."
"But this wasn't her Op tonight." Oscar states in confusion, "It was Isis's."
"That doesn't matter. We are her pupils and she takes it personally when someone from her cabin, her classroom fails. Like she's a failure as our teacher in the eyes of her superior." Nyah shakes her head and takes a seat in the chair beside my bed. "We are a representation of her abilities to teach and lead as the Division General. Just as it's my responsibility as Team Leader when something goes wrong within our unit. Ultimately, I'm the one who holds responsibility if you're hurt or harmed in anyway. Just as she is over all of us." She sighs and scrubs her hands over her face. "I can't believe I can actually see and understand where she was coming from tonight. That's terrifying. I don't want to end up anything like her."
"You won't." I add confidently. "She's only concerned about how our performance looks badly upon her as a teacher. You're concerned about how your performance as a leader may get us killed. Those are two very different things, Nyah. I care that I messed up your mission tonight, not hers." The antibiotics they're pumping into my veins right now to ward off infection are making me very sleepy and I try desperately to keep my eyes open but am failing. "If she gets in trouble because I didn't kill the horse, than Oorah!" I smile and fall back to sleep to the sound of their soft laughter at my enthusiasm at getting Cassiopeia in trouble.
Cassiopeia and Mikael disappear later that night, He left without even saying goodbye. When we finally do inquire about them, Isis informs us that Cassiopeia was called back to command in Sweden to meet with Ulric and she was to bring Mikael back with her. The idea of being summoned by the mystery man I never see and barely remember intrigues and terrifies me equally. He holds my still 'Undecided' fate in is his hands and yet I know very little about him. I can justify in my mind she deserves whatever punishment she's going to get for all the horrible and cruel things she's ever done to me and to those I love. She's just concerned about how my failure to kill a horse and getting myself shot makes her look like a failure as my teacher. And really, that's all she cares about, certainly not us. And though I will miss him, Mikael is much better off sitting on the sidelines of a polo pitch with a broken arm this summer then crawling through sewage tunnels with us.
July 7th, 1996
Four days after our failed mission in the slum, Cassiopeia had returned.
"Come with me." She speaks sharply, coming up from behind me and making me jump. I'd been watching the others swimming in the waterhole beneath the waterfall and didn't hear her approach over the roar of the falls. Twilight was upon us and we were finally given a night off to rest and recover before another mission was planned.
Slowly I stagger to my feet as my right arm is in a sling while my shoulder heals. I follow her to wherever she is leading me and pause a moment watching as she makes way towards the car.
"Where are we going?" I ask and refuse to move another foot not liking the waves of emotion I swear I can feel coming off of her. Like ice and fear and anger all rolled into one. It's not the first time I've picked up on other people's emotions but it is the first time I'm feeling hers. My mother used to say my sixth sense about people was a gift, but right now I feel it is was more of a curse. I don't like what I feel rolling off this woman.
"Don't speak unless spoken to." She barks back at me and flicks her hand over the windshield towards the passenger side door. "Get in the car, Julia."
I do as she says and promptly get into the car. We sit in silence as she drives through the city at breakneck speed and then abruptly pulls off onto street leading us towards the shipping docks and the city of Niteroi. I want to ask what are we doing here as we exit the car but remember she told me to not speak unless spoken to and right now I'm too afraid to rebel by asking anyway. My heart is literally pounding in my ears as I follow her through stacks of giant shipping containers. In all my life I've never seen such a thing and can't help but be amazed by the enormous stacks of containers reaching sky high. The ship before me is quite possibly the biggest thing I've ever seen in my life. Growing up on a ranch in the middle of the mountains I'd been a fairly sheltered kid when it came to man made structures such as these and I was in awe. To me it looks like a skyscraper tipped on its side.
We stop in front of a bright orange container and two men open the doors for us to enter. The container is as large as a semi trailer and is mostly empty except one large pallet wrapped in white shrink plastic near the entrance. The rest of the container seems empty and dark.
"Give me your hand." Cassiopeia commands and I do so without question feeling my heart about to explode in fear as she leads me further into the near black container. I hold out my hand wrapped in soft white gauze surrounding my shredded palms and feel the cold metal of a handcuff snap around my wrist. My breath catches. I'm about to ask her what's happening when her eyes flash to mine and silence me once more. The overwhelming feelings of dread surge through my body making me want to vomit as I hear a familiar stomp and then another and the scent catches my nose for the first time. A light flicks on and standing before me on the end of a lead rope is the horse from the ghetto. I'd recognize it anywhere. This slum horse was far too thin in comparison to what I'd grown up on the ranch with, but given the limited means the family had in the slum, one could tell it was loved. His shiny coat and well-groomed mane meant someone was taking very good care of this animal. Likely the boy who'd been looking out the window that night, watching us, making sure his beloved horse was okay as we crept through his stall.
I don't have time to ask any questions when Cassiopeia attaches the long chain attached to my handcuff to the ring on the bottom of the horses halter. Watching her pull out her side arm, I know what's coming.
"Shoot it. That's an order." She commands me placing the cold metal gun into my hand.
"No." I try pushing the gun back towards her. "I won't kill the boy's horse. He did nothing wrong and neither did this animal."
"Shoot the horse, Julia. That is a direct order from Command." Cassiopeia looks me dead in the eye. "You failed the last time. He won't let you make the same mistake twice. Shoot the horse."
"No." I shake my head no as tears spring into my eyes. "I'm not a killer. I only struck you in the river because you were trying to kill me and I only killed those men that night because they were trying to kill me!" I cry not caring if the tears are running from my eyes now. Those men have haunted my nightmares each night since. "I'm not a killer."
"Bring him in." Cassiopeia looks back at one of the apparent henchman working for her at the docks. The man disappears only to return a moment later, helping to escort a hooded man into the container. The men stop directly in front of me and crack the back of the hooded man's legs with a baton causing him to fall forward onto his knees. Immediately the man to the left points a gun directly against the back of the hooded man's head.
"Shoot the horse or they have Direct Orders from Ulric to kill this man." Cassiopeia informed me with a deadly tone.
"Who is he? What did he do?" I ask in a whimper not understanding what is happening in this moment. This could not be real. Surely a man's life did not depend on whether or not I could shoot a horse! This was insanity.
"I don't know and it does not matter. They have orders directly from Ulric to kill him if you refuse to shoot the horse. Shoot the horse, Julia!" She commands again and I flick off the safety when I see the man holding the gun to the other man's head do the same. I can see by the look in his eyes that he means business. He will shoot the man before us if I do not follow my orders. A brief flash of the boy runs through my mind and I close my eyes trying not to think about him as I raise my shackled arm. My hand is shaking as I look into the big beautiful innocent eyes of the beast before me.
"I'm sorry." I whisper and close my eyes, pulling the trigger. The horse drops like a ton of bricks and my arm chained to it jerks forward with the horse as it falls to the floor. Tears are streaming down my face and I don't have but a moment to even think about what I've just done before another gunshot rings out inside the container and I jump. When I turn around the hooded man is now lying dead on his side as a pool of blood forms around him. Even Cassiopeia looks surprised when she glares at the man who shot him.
"Ulric's orders. If she defied the order to shoot the horse the first time you gave it, General, we were told to kill him anyway." The man nodded down at the dead man and stuffed his gun back into the waistband of his pants.
Horrified, I quickly stretch out my arm and grasp the hood from the dead man. I must see the face of the man I'd just unknowingly killed with my defiance. When I do, I fall to my knees and scream in horror. The boy's father lies dead before me. He did absolutely nothing wrong and was now dead only because I had refused to shoot the horse.
Cassiopeia takes back her gun from me and then turns quickly, stomping off the container followed quickly by the men. I hear the creak of the doors and realize they're closing me inside and scream, "Wait! Let me go! Cassiopeia, I'm sorry!" Tugging and pulling against the restraints keeping me tethered to the dead weight of the horse.
Cassiopeia refuses to look back at me. The doors close, blocking out the light. By the time I turn and fumble in the darkness trying to get the horse's halter off freeing myself from its dead weight, its' too late. I reach for the doors but I'm sealed inside.
"Please!" I beg crying and pounding my fist against the door. "Let me out! I'm sorry! I'll do whatever you order me to do next time! Please! Let me out!" It's no use. They're not listening and moments later I am knocked off my feet when the container swings up into the air. Terrified I look out of the small ventilation holes in the sides of the container. They are loading me onto the ship I had only minutes ago been marveling. I scream as loud as I possibly can until I have no voice left. Slumping against the wall, wracked with guilt and sobs, I feel the ship begin to move out towards sea.
July 21st, 1996
When the ship finally arrives in port, I've counted fourteen sunrises through the tiny holes in this metal coffin I'm trapped in. Two weeks I've been locked inside with the rotting corpses of the man and the horse, sailing across the Atlantic. Two weeks of living off a few bottles of water and just six granola bars I found stashed in that wrapped plastic pallet carrying hand woven Brazilian hammocks. The food and water kept me alive, but just barely, while the hammocks provided some warmth using them as blankets so I wouldn't freeze to death at night. I'm burning up with infection from my shoulder and hand wounds. They haven't been cleaned or bandaged this entire time and began oozing pus within just two days of being trapped inside.
The familiar sway of the container lets me know that I am being unloaded and I fear what is in store for me next. Slowly, I back into the furthest corner away from the door and into the shadows so that I can hide in the event of an attack. But several hours go by, turning the sweltering day into night before I hear voices coming in my direction. One I recognize right away: Cassiopeia.
"Open it! Now! Hurry up!" She bellows at the men beside her. "You were instructed to inform me the moment this container was unloaded. How long has it been sitting here?"
"We're sorry. There was a mix up with another ship and we got busy. We just forgot until you asked about it tonight. The ship arrived this morning and the container was unloaded shortly after." The man tries to explain.
"So it's been sitting here all day in the hot sun?" Cassiopeia rages at him. "Do you have any idea of how hot it gets inside one of these on a normal day, let alone mid-summer in Miami?"
"Ma'am, I'm sorry. We just forgot." The man tries to apologize as they open the doors to the container. Right before my eyes, Cassiopeia pulls out her gun and shoots him.
"Perhaps next time the rest of you will remember." I hear her chastise the others and then watch as she turns towards the opening to the container. I duck down behind the horse's rotting corpse in the back, unsure of what to expect from her. It's just been me, and the corpses for the last two weeks and I've become quite comfortable with them. Death, I know now won't hurt me. Her, I'm not so sure about. Especially after just watching her kill a man in cold blood.
"Julia?" Cassiopeia calls into the darkness and I remain silent. She takes a few more steps cautiously inside and puts her gun away. Instead clicking on a flashlight the man she's brought with her hands to her. Slowly she moves forward into the container searching for me with the light. When it hits my eyes, I squint and throw my hands up trying to block it where I'm hiding in the corner. I've spent the better part of two weeks in near total darkness and the light is excruciating when beamed directly at me. "Julia…" She says more softly and walks slowly towards me, redirecting the light seeing I'm shunning it in a defensive position. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm here to take you out of here."
I don't know that I necessarily believe her but I also don't want to stay in this metal coffin. I just stare at her for a long moment mostly in disbelief she actually locked me inside this box with the dead and shipped me across the ocean. I remember one of the last things she said to me that day. One of the last orders given and I take it to heart now that I know she means business. Do not speak unless spoken to. I will not speak unless asked a direct question.
"Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?" She asks softly with eyes sweeping over my sweat drenched and filthy body. Two weeks without a bath, wearing the same clothes, in unbearable heat with infection and starving to death has me smelling like death. I pause for a moment before answering.
"Severe infection. Otherwise fine…ma'am." I answer with a gravely voice not used to speaking for nearly two weeks and I make certain I'm showing her the proper respect by not forgetting to add ma'am.
Silently she squats down in front of me, her eyes search the depths of mine for a long moment before she finally speaks. "Do you understand now? That when I give an order you must listen the first time? To every, single, word. That when I teach you something, you must do it exactly as I say? I'm trying to teach you how to stay alive. I'm trying to help you, Julia. Even when it seems like the exact opposite." She sighs, "I am given orders that I must follow. And then I give you orders that you must follow. This is the Chain of Command. When you refuse to listen to my orders, Ulric will give his own Direct Orders that I have no control over. Do you understand? He did this. Because you didn't listen to the orders he gave me to give to you." She speaks quietly looking around at the decaying corpses inside this metal box where I'm so clearly starving and nearly decayed myself. "He did this. These are his orders. My orders come from him. Do you understand now? Why you must listen to me?"
My childish teenage rebellion against her vanishes in an instant with a single moment of clarity. I understand. Finally, I understand. She is not my enemy. We are on the same side. She gives the orders to me but the orders come from someone else. They're the real monster. She is something else. Something I foolishly overlooked.
I nod once that I understand still too afraid to speak yet I know I need to give her a verbal response with proper respect, "Yes, ma'am. I understand." I speak in a near whisper and inhale a shaking breath. "You are not the monster. You are the messenger."