This is Chapter 8 in the series.- Wild
Masters of Fate
For the first time all evening, Ulric reacts with an emotional outburst, rising from his chair, "Julia is a Highly Classified Program Objective, Marie." He addresses her with a sarcastic menacing sneer but his tone is like death and ice. "You will speak of nothing in regards to her. She is off limits for discussion. That is an order. Whatever game you think this is, it's over." He speaks slowly and the temperature in the room drops considerably. "You! Out of the room!" He turns his eyes on me, and points sharply towards the door. "That is an order, Julia Taylor. Dismissed."
"No. She stays." Marie counters calmly. "Julia, you are currently under my command and as such, you are to remain where you are."
My heart is thundering so loudly in my chest I'm certain it will explode. My eyes flash to Cassiopeia not understanding what is happening or what I should do, who I should listen to. She's looking down and shaking her head slightly with fallen posture. When she finally looks up at me, it's the same look I've seen from her before on a night when things went terribly wrong. The night she told me my mother was dying and she was taking me home to say goodbye. I don't like this look or the kind of information that has historically followed. I want to ask her what he means by saying I'm off limits as a 'Highly Classified Program Objective.' And more importantly, what the hell Marie means by, 'introducing me to my mother.'
"I am your superior." Marie states boldly and yet, surprisingly calm given Ulric's reactive nature at the moment. "And until such a time comes that I am no longer your superior, you will not give me orders. Is that understood?" She barks at him and the entire table can't help but wait with baited breath to see Ulric put in his place by the one who apparently ruled us all.
"Yes." Ulric answers quietly backing down from her, "Be cautious of the road you tread, Marie. There is no point in pursuing this. It will only end badly." He pauses and then turns his attention to his wife, "Maria, I love you. You are the love of my life. I don't imagine that will ever change. And you can rant and rave and throw as many knives at me as you want but it will not change the past. A choice was made. A child was chosen. I gave you Annika to do with whatever you wished knowing how badly you wanted to be a mother. You trained the child I gave to you in the Fine Arts; I trained mine in the Art of War. Cassiopeia became part of The Program I'd created and she was our child no longer. She is as Mikael said: a project. One of the First Generation Super Soldiers: An Elite Human Weapon who runs on my orders, to serve at my will and that of The Council. My Love, you should understand this concept better than anyone given your own history with The Council until you married me. You ran on orders, you did as you were told. The Program strips away the complications that families create and streamlines human beings into the perfect soldier. Cassiopeia has known about you her entire life, Maria. I made sure she did so that she understood very clearly her place in this world. She was chosen has only one purpose: to serve The Council. You gave birth to her but you are in no way her mother. You are Annika's mother because you loved and cared for her, sang her to sleep and danced with her in the rain. Do not confuse the two. There won't be any warm fuzzy reunions or memories made catching up for lost time because tomorrow I'm sending her out on another mission and she will go because that is what I've ordered and trained her to do."
"You will do no such thing. She answers to my division until the start of the New Year." Marie commands interrupting his cruel and ruthless speech. It is no wonder Mikael speaks and feels the way he does about Cassiopeia if this is how his mentor leads by example. I can see the monster Cassiopeia warned me about very clearly now. We are nothing but slaves and projects to Ulric.
"You're a monster." Maria is crying near silently in absolute horror realizing for the first time, whose she is really married to. "Who is Julia's mother, Ulric?" She asks refusing to give up on what Marie originally suggested before his tirade. "Am I her mother? Or her grandmother?" Maria inhales a shaking breath coming to the most logical conclusion given the two women in the room most involved in the surprises of the evening. Her eyes drift from me over to Cassiopeia who looks absolutely gutted given the soulless look in her eyes yet her outward appearance, to anyone who didn't know her, looked flawless, as though nothing Ulric said phased her in the least. I feel as though I'm going to vomit looking at them both. This can't possibly be true.
"I don't remember giving birth to any more stillborn babies, you may have actually stolen for projects, certainly not seventeen years ago in 1981. So Julia must be my grandchild. Is that correct?" Maria persists and her tone is like ice, filled with rage and pain as she stares down Ulric at the end of the table. "Is that why she was forbidden to have any contact with this family? Because her mother was also forbidden from having contact with us?" My heart only pounds more loudly at the implications and I can taste bile rising in the back of my throat looking at Cassiopeia and hearing what Maria is saying. So many pieces to the puzzle that is my own life start fitting into place and I cannot take it anymore.
"Stop!" I fail to hold back the tears building in my eyes, "I don't want to hear this. I can't hear this. I already have… had a mother." I shake my head softly looking at Cassiopeia and unable to bare the thought my entire life has been based on a lie. Cassiopeia had once stabbed me with a knife, tried drowning me in the river and broke too many of my bones now for me to even remember. If she is my mother than who was my mother? The mother who loved me and cared for me, sang to me to sleep, kissed away my tears and danced in the rain? This was everything backwards than what Ulric had just described. "How could you lie to me?" I can barely breathe staring at the woman before me who looks mortified another secret is out.
"Julia, you don't understand." Cassiopeia speaks so quietly that I can barely hear and she's looking only at me. "I was only trying to protect you."
"Protect me?" I feel my own rage starting to build.
"Yes, protect you." Marie intervenes taking matters once more into her own hands by pulling back the puppet strings. "She is not your mother, Julia." My eyes flash to hers looking for understanding, "She is your sister." Marie smiles at me softly, "Maria is your mother."
"What?" I gasp in disbelief and confusion and hear Maria do the same beside me.
"How is that possible?" Maria asks just as confused and seething with anger, curling her fist once more.
"Julia was created by The Council in a lab from an egg harvested from you, Maria, several years before while you were still Council property." Marie pauses and Maria's face pales considerably. "She is a baby designed specifically for The Program by Ulric. With the success of the First Gens in Cassiopeia's group, The Council knew they needed to be able to create more soldiers and at a quicker rate. Ulric made the decision after donation of the First Gens from within Council families, that all new babies destined for The Program be born to Council Surrogates-"
"So you would never have to go through the pain of believing you lost another child again." Ulric added looking only at Maria now, trying to explain his actions. His tone now considerably tender and soft trying to get back into her good graces, no longer resembling the monster he was just moments before. The transformation was astonishing and frightening to see how easily he could morph into whatever role suited him best in the moment. "My Darling, I know how badly you suffered in losing one of the girls. I held you all those days and nights while you cried for her. I hoped in time you would move on but every birthday and holiday that came and went, you could not forget her. And so I made sure you would never have to go through that again. You no longer had to give birth to children you were never going to keep."
"How many more children of mine… have you taken for this project, Ulric?" Maria asked quietly with tears streaming from her eyes and voice thick with a torrent of emotions.
"None. There aren't any others, Darling. With Cassiopeia and Julia, I have exactly what I need to make The Program successful for many more years to come." Ulric pleas and this time it is Maria who is refusing to look at him. She stares simply down at her plate while trying to control her breathing.
After a long moment Maria looks up and greets his eyes, "I want you to leave. I can't stand the sight of you. Leave."
"And go where? This is my house!" Ulric grumbles, "Maria, you are overreacting."
"Leave!" She slams her fist into the table again enraged that he'd suggest she was overreacting. "Go back to Stockholm. I don't care. Just get out of my sight!" Her chest is heaving. "And take him with you." Her eyes flash towards Mikael. Clearly she hasn't forgotten what he'd said about Cassiopeia being nothing more than a dog or calling her a Kraut-kid under his breath. She folds her hands before her face, staring him down and waiting for him to leave.
Mikael chews on the inside of his lip and I can tell he's still seething angry with her but when his eyes meet mine they soften seeing my tears. "I'll see you later, Jules." He nods at me confidently and then pushes back from the table rather forcefully.
Ulric finishes off the last of his glass of scotch. "This is not over, Maria. You cannot simply shut me out."
"Why not?" She turns from staring at her hands to look at him in disbelief and anguish clearly written all over her face. "Isn't that what you've done to our daughter?" She turns one hand over to point at Cassiopeia directly across from her.
"She is not our daughter!" Ulric fires back clearly upset with Maria's reference and throws his scotch glass shattering it against the wall making us all flinch. "She is Council Property." He adds sternly but more quietly, trying to regain control of the situation. His eyes piercing Cassiopeia's across the table in a threatening glare while straightening his suit jacket. I know that glare. I've seen it many times on Cassiopeia's face. A glare that reminds you who is in charge without the need to verbalize it.
Cassiopeia is still refusing to look at Maria even though Maria is now looking at her. She looks back to me, gauging my reaction to what I've just learned. At the moment, I feel numb. Completely numb. This can't possibly be happening.
"Cassiopeia," Maria works up the courage to address her for the first time. "Cassiopeia." She tries again softly but Cassiopeia's eyes shift from mine to watch Ulric and Mikael over my shoulder leave the room. "Cassiopeia," Maria tries again and this time, with Ulric and Mikael gone, Cassiopeia turns to look at her mother for the first time this evening and Maria inhales a soft cry when she does.
"Casey." Cassiopeia replies speaking to her mother for the first time looking into her eyes. Nyah and I both gasp quietly with wide-eyes understanding the significance of what Cassiopeia is telling Maria to call her, even if Maria doesn't understand it herself.
"Casey." Maria repeats with a soft and pained tear filled smile speaking with her lost child for the first time. The two simply hold each other's gazes for several longs moments before Cassiopeia returns her gaze to me.
"Julia," she addresses me softly and this time, I'm the one now staring off into space refusing to make eye contact with anyone. "Look at me." Her tone takes on a sharper edge, one that I'm used to hearing in the form of an order and so my eyes flash up to meet hers on instinct and hold. "It's okay." She tries to reassure me.
"None of this is okay." Maria responds to what Cassiopeia has said with fresh tears shaking her head slowly. Her eyes flash to Marie's for explanation. It's quite clear she's very angry at this evening's Puppet Master for how this evening has gone down. "How long have you known about them? That they were mine? That my child never died?" She nods towards Cassiopeia and I.
"Always." Marie answers immediately with unwavering gaze and tone. "And before you try ordering me away next, Maria, there is something I want to say. Perhaps what I've done tonight seems cruel to all of you and maybe it was cruel the manner in which it unfolded, but it is not heartless." She looks at us all with intent eyes and voice softening slightly, "I know what it takes for a woman to survive in this world we've all found ourselves in. I've learned how to become the master of my own fate. If you no longer want to be someone else's puppet, you learn to pull the strings. I've given you gift this evening: the power of knowledge. Use it wisely." She pushes back from the table, "Neither of you," She addresses Cassiopeia and myself, "Are to leave this house until I say so." Cassiopeia gives her the slightest of head nods as acknowledgement for the both of us. "I give you my permission to speak freely with your mother while you're here." Marie's eyes purposefully nod towards Maria and my throat becomes instantly dry with the reference. I glance at Cassiopeia who visible swallows hard at the reference as well. "We shall discuss more of this in the morning. Until then ladies, I'll show myself to my own quarters for the evening. Goodnight." She nods at us with a soft smile.
When Marie was gone from the dining room, Maria inhales a long and deep breath and then lets it out. She looks between the both of us and then to Nyah who has been absolutely silent all night baring witness to this all.
"Nyah," Maria addresses her gaining her attention.
"Yes, Nana?" Nyah snaps out of her own daze staring at Cassiopeia and I, to look at Maria, the woman who several years ago became her grandmother when Annika had adopted her.
"Did you know that Casey was my daughter? Your mother's twin?" Maria wants to know how many of those closest to her kept these secrets. "Did you know that Julia was also my child?"
"No." Nyah shakes her head with wide eyes rapidly filling with tears. "I had no idea that Julia was your daughter! None, Nana. I promise. I can't believe it." She looks at me with wide-eyes and I can see she's honestly as shocked to learn that as I am. Nyah starts breathing faster sitting beside me and I can hear her fidget with her fingers in her lap making soft snapping sounds as she always did when extremely nervous. It was an emotional anxiety tick that I'd seen many times throughout our' years together training. The older we got the more control she seemed to gain over it but it was back in full force in this moment under Maria's gaze.
"And what about Casey?" Maria asks after a moment, nodding towards her across the table when Nyah doesn't answer that part of her series of questions. "Did you know that she was my daughter?"
"No. Yes. No. I mean, no, I was never told." Nyah speaks quietly while rambling now looking at Cassiopeia nervously. "But I suspected." She blinks hard trying to keep the tears from falling as she's learned, as have I, that we are not allowed to cry or get emotional in the presence of our General over the years. "You look so much alike and she has the same birthmark on her hand that you do." Nyah adds so quietly it's almost a whisper.
"Why didn't you tell me about her, Nyah?" Maria asks as another tear slips down her cheek. "You've been a part of this family for the majority of your life. All this time you knew my child was still out there," Maria struggles to hold back her tears surging in her eyes, "still alive. Why wouldn't you tell me?"
"I was forbidden to speak of her to you." Nyah answers in a quiet desperate voice. "Papa forbade it, Nana. I'm so sorry." I'm startled to hear Nyah calling Ulric by such an endearing name for the first time. It makes me realize all the more we're both living very separate lives when not together for The Council. Outside of camp and work, Ulric wasn't her Commander, he was simply Papa, her grandfather and it made his ability to punish her for failures as her Commander all the more disturbing. No wonder she and Cassiopeia sought perfection in following Ulric's orders. This was the most horrifying group of misfits in this family I'd ever known and I was now a part of it. The idea terrified me. I'd thought my family was bad before with a dead mother and cheating father but this was a million times worse.
"I see." Maria wipes at tears listening to Nyah. "Ulric." She shakes her head in clear disappointment and takes a calming breath knowing that he's the one she's really angry with. "And your mother? Does Annika know, too?" She asks calmly.
"No." Nyah shakes her head. "I was forbidden to speak of her to any of you." Her voice is dripping with emotion and the fat crocodile tears that had been welling in her big dark eyes start slipping down her cheeks feeling Maria's disappointment at being kept in the dark about this by her own family.
"I'm going to have Marna drive you to Lena's estate." Maria speaks quietly looking at Marna who nods in understanding, "The both of you can stay there this evening." Nyah and Marna both nod in understanding that Maria wants space and time alone with us.
"I am sorry, Nana." Nyah cries apologetically afraid to have fallen from Maria's good graces. No longer caring if Cassiopeia sees her emotions; she's more afraid now of disappointing Maria. "I was following orders." She adds in a whisper.
"I understand, Nyah." Maria nods softly taking hold of Nyah's hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze of forgiveness, holding her gaze intently, "But some orders aren't worth following." She adds with her voice cracking slightly and another tear slipping down her cheek. "I don't expect much from Mikael. But I do expect better from you. Evil can only prevail as long as good people stand by and do nothing."
"I'm so sorry, Nana." Nyah is crying now, nearly sobbing and Marna wraps her arms around her shoulders from the side trying to comfort her. Before they leave Marna pulls Maria's head close with a gentle hand to the side of her face and kisses her head with tears in her eyes, offering her support.
"I have much that I'd like to say to the both of you." Maria speaks to us when we are finally alone, "Many questions I want to ask." She speaks slowly and carefully, "But I'm quite certain we've all had enough for one evening and I, for one, could use a moment to process what I've just learned. Time to wrap my head around all of this and I'm sure you do as well." She gives us both a soft smile and reaches over for the first time since the beginning of this failed attempt at dinner and brushes her hand gently down my face. "We'll make sense of all of this together in the morning." I nod softly back at her so subtly it's barely there. She reaches over the table for Cassiopeia's hand but Cassiopeia pulls it back instantly as if burned. Maria inhales softly with her own subtle head nod acknowledging Cassiopeia's boundaries, "Okay." She says quietly and slowly pulls her hand away. "I'll show you to your rooms then."
"Room." Cassiopeia corrects her instantly, still uncomfortable looking at Maria she turns her gaze back to me. "I'll be staying with Julia, ma'am."
My eyes widen and I swallow the lump in my throat. We've never stayed in the same room together for as long as I've known with woman even during camp. The girls may have shared a common area filled with bunk beds in our cabin but Cassiopeia had her own room with her own bed. The room I was currently staying in had but one small double bed.
"All right. Do you have any bags?" Maria asks Cassiopeia, "I'll have Tomas bring them to Julia's room."
"No, ma'am. I had no idea what Marie had planned for this evening. I was told only when to arrive and to dress for dinner." Cassiopeia answers quietly finally greeting Maria's eyes as if apologizing for existing and showing up ruining the dinner party.
"I don't blame you, Casey." Maria's eyes filled with tears again and Cassiopeia looks away. "None of this was your fault or doing." She can see that her tears make Cassiopeia uncomfortable and so she quickly wipes them away and pulls back her emotions. Running her hand over the side of my head with a soft smile she stands. "Come. It's been a long night."
We both follow her lead and silently make our way through the massive house, up the stairs and down a long hallway before arriving at my door. Maria opens it leading us inside and Cassiopeia seems to do a quick sweep with her eyes taking note of the few items in the room.
"I should move you to one of new rooms in the West Wing with the rest of us now." Maria speaks mostly, "These rooms are awaiting remodel. It was safest to keep you here before but," She pauses, "You no longer need to hide anymore."
"The room is fine. I'm settled here. Really. It's fine. But thank you." I answer her with my first small smile. I'm completely numb given what I've just learned about my life but I do know, this woman is not to blame. We both had our lives blown out of the water this evening.
"Okay," Maria nods in acceptance. "I'll be back with some pajamas for you to sleep in." She looks at Cassiopeia standing on the opposite side of the room in her gorgeous black dress and heels.
"That won't be necessary-" Cassiopeia tries to deflect but Maria's having none of it.
"Nonsense." She cuts her off. "There are several pairs of brand new pajamas in this house just waiting for unexpected guests." She smiles shyly and turns to leave. "I'll bring extra linens as well and new bandages for you, Julia."
"Bandages?" Cassiopeia repeats with immediate narrowing eyebrows and her commanding tone for answers firmly in place. "What for?" She's looking right at me and I can feel her penetrating gaze sweeping up and down my body like an X-ray attempting to see any wounds.
"I was shot on my mission for Marie." I answer her quickly and quietly, "It's nothing serious, General. The bullet has been removed. No organ damage."
"General?" Maria repeats quietly hearing something from our conversation that catches her attention and both Cassiopeia and I freeze. "Interesting." Maria says quietly observing us both. "I'll be back with the items." She smiles softly and leaves the room.
"Show me." Cassiopeia demands the moment Maria is gone; she's already stalking towards me.
"It's nothing. Really. I'm fine." I sigh but realize that arguing with her is futile and do as she says. "Can you please unzip me, ma'am?" I ask turning around and pulling my hair aside to give her access to my dress zipper.
Without saying anything she unzips me and pulls off the bandage wanting to inspect the damage before I can even pull off the rest of my dress.
"You had infection." She states poking along the edges of my sutures. I know it's not a question but one she's still expecting me to reply to.
"Yes."
Her fingers track carefully over every single inch. "How did this happen?"
"I had to break into the Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg to get the book." I tell her the story and her eyes narrow even further when hearing why it is that I've been injured in obtaining her birthday gift from Marie. "I must have tripped a silent alarm on my way out because the FSB were waiting for me outside. I managed to evade them without much fanfare jumping off the bridge into the water. But they kept shooting even after I was in the water and swimming away. They got me twice. One was just a long graze," I inhale a sharp hiss when she presses a little too hard on my bruised flesh. "And the other lodged just below my diaphragm."
She traces around the entry wound with her fingertip and this time I take note that she's not pressing as hard anymore. I swallow hard under her scrutinizing gaze as she looks over every wound and stitches carefully, waiting to be reprimanded for being so stupid as to trip the alarm in the first place.
"Then how did you end up here?" She looks up at me when she's finished her inspection, folding her arms across her chest.
"Marie gave me this address before I left on my mission. The night you dropped me off at her house in England. She said that should I run into any trouble, I was to come here." I tell her every bit of the truth I know.
"I see." Cassiopeia nods skeptically and looks over my sutures again. "The wound looks clean now and the infection is subsiding. You've done a good job with it. There will be hardly any scarring with such tiny sutures."
I stare at her with mouth slightly ajar. She's never once told me good job for anything I've ever done. Never. Not once. And I'm taken back by the first ever compliment she's giving me. Only I can't accept it because it'd be a lie. "I cannot accept credit, ma'am. I didn't do this. She did." I nod towards the door indicating Maria and see Cassiopeia's eyebrows rise in surprise. "When I arrived I was burning up with fever from infection. All I could find to close the wound on the ferry from Russia was some dirty fishing line. She cleaned the wound yesterday morning and re-sutured it for me."
"She's very good." Cassiopeia says quietly marveling again at the sutures.
"Unfortunately, I've had a lot of practice." Maria announces from the doorway holding a small stack of blankets, pajamas and bandages.
Cassiopeia is clearly startled that she was able to sneak up on us without our being aware. I can't help but smile looking at them realizing they are both super spies and Cassiopeia has finally met her match. I'd never seen anyone be able to sneak up on Cassiopeia until now.
"How does it look, Julia?" Maria asks me setting the things down on the bed.
"Much better already." I look at the part of my wound I can see, "If my ribs weren't bruised I'd hardly notice." I smile softly. "As my father used to say, 'a hundred years from now, I'll never know it." My smile falls immediately in thinking of him. For the first time, I wonder if he even is my real father. I turn my eyes back to Cassiopeia. "Is he my father? My real father?" I ask quietly. I can feel the entire mood shift again in the room with my question. The tension is so thick I could cut it with a knife while I wait for her to respond.
"I'm under orders to never discuss your creation with you, Julia." She finally answers just as quietly. Her eyes seem almost apologetic about her lack of response, but her tone is back to that of the General I'm most familiar with. There is only one person Cassiopeia takes orders from. Ulric.
"Some orders aren't worth following." I say quietly, repeating what Maria had told Nyah about keeping Cassiopeia a secret from her family. I swallow hard at the challenge I've just thrown down before her. A flare of my old teenage rebellion seeping in, angry now that she knew she was my sister and never told me.
"They do when lives depends on it." Cassiopeia answers me quickly without missing a beat and her voice is like ice. Her eyes are giving me the same glare now as Ulric had given her before his departure. I swallow hard again with that look and am reminded, as was she, that after whatever Marie has planned for us while in her service, we report back to him, the monster. The monster who didn't hesitate to ship me across the ocean with the dead for disobeying his orders. The same monster, I now realize, who was capable of donating one of his own children as a project for war to The Council.
"We should apply fresh bandages." Maria speaks finally breaking the uncomfortable silence and reaches for a pad of gauze. I can tell she's deeply disturbed with Cassiopeia's response and all that it implies.
"I'll help her." Cassiopeia reaches out for the bandages. Maria's eyes lock onto the birthmark on Cassiopeia's hand seeing it for the first time. It's the same birthmark residing on her' own hand. Her eyes glance from Cassiopeia's birthmark to her own and I see Cassiopeia doing the same. Another confirmation of just who they are to each other. I watch in quiet fascination as these two women before me have a silent standoff in this moment. Both are used to taking control of situations and neither likes taking a back seat.
Instead of the bandages, Maria reaches down and picks up the flannel pajamas putting them into Cassiopeia's hands instead with a soft smile. "You change into something more comfortable. I'll help Julia."
"Fine. Thank you." Cassiopeia takes the pajamas and walks around the bed.
"Julia, sit. Please." Maria instructs me and I carefully sit on the edge of the bed on my side near the door. Quietly, she sits beside me and sets to work on applying new gauze pads over my wounds that's still weeping slightly after being cleaned out yesterday.
Cassiopeia turns her back to us and begins slipping out of her shoes. I immediately take notice when she stops her movements bent to the side as though frozen in pain before resuming by slipping off one heel and then the other. I remember what Marie had said that day in her office last week about Cassiopeia being injured. Now I'm the one scanning her body for any signs of injury. I don't have to wait long to see them.
When she slides the dress off both of her shoulders and down her back I can't stop the small gasp that leaves me breathless and Maria's eyes flash to what's caught my attention and has the same reaction. Cassiopeia continues to slide the dress off her body and once again, hitches a moment in pain before stepping out of it. It's no wonder she's in pain looking at her back. It's a wild color spectrum of old bruises and bright pink new scars. Dark purples and faint yellows and greens are splashed all over her back but distinct patterns can be seen. She's clearly been beaten, badly and not an inch of skin was spared. It's no wonder she wore a dress that covered most of her torso.
Two tiny puckered pink mounds of fresh scarring cover what I can only assume are two bullet holes near her spine: one in the lower back and one right in the middle. The bullets they weren't able to remove according to Marie. Beside each of them are thin, sutured lines of incisions where a surgeon must have attempted to retrieve them. But the bullet holes and the bruises aren't the most terrifying souvenir of whatever she'd been through; it was the long, fresh pink scars wrapping around her ribcage like giant claw marks that sent shivers up my spine. I knew what those were from and so did Maria. Electrical burns from having wire wrapped around your chest, usually attached to a car battery so someone could electrocute you. Cassiopeia hadn't just been shot while on a mission she'd been tortured.
I can't believe it. Can't even fathom it before this moment that she would ever be caught by an enemy and actually tortured. She was a God in my eyes, indestructible: the best of the best. She didn't get caught. Ever. I can't imagine what kind of sheer hell she must have run into on that deep cover assignment that would leave Draco dead and her looking like this.
If she knows we are staring Cassiopeia doesn't acknowledge it. Instead, she continues to slip into her pajama pants. When I glance back at Maria, I can see a silent tear slipping down her cheek as she looks at Cassiopeia changing. She looks back at me and then to my wound and then back at Cassiopeia again and another tear falls. I know what she's thinking, 'My God, what has he done to them?' She doesn't have to actually say the words out loud. I can see it in her eyes and feel it permeating from her every pore. I'm sure looking at the pair of us like this is in stark contrast to what she's normally used to with Annika.
I know how uncomfortable crying and the sight of tears makes Cassiopeia and I don't want to make her uncomfortable when she turns around seeing anyone crying over what she's been through. So I hand Maria another bandage and squeeze her hand. When she looks at me I give a small smile of encouragement and nod and while staring into my eyes she seems to understand my motives. She blinks hard, taking a quiet breath to calm her emotions and then wipes away her tears.
Cassiopeia finishes sliding into her flannel pajama top and turns around, looking at us while she finishes the last of the buttons. We pretend we didn't see anything and she pretends we haven't. There is nothing to be said. We all know that. It is our life and talking about it doesn't change anything. So we put it away. Compartmentalize it and move on.
"I just realized that you two haven't eaten anything this evening." Maria speaks finishes my bandaging and we come to the same realization. Our dinner plans had been shot to hell before the first course was even served. "Would you like me to bring you something to eat?" She asks looking first at me and then at Cassiopeia.
"Nothing for me, ma'am. Thank you." Cassiopeia reaches up to remove her earrings but looks at me. "But you should eat something, Julia. Especially if you're still fighting off an infection."
"I'm not really hungry." I say quietly looking away. I pretty much lost my appetite the moment Ulric walked in and first saw me. Ever since then I've been constantly battling the urge to vomit.
"I understand." Maria nods, and pats my hand gently. Clearly she feels the same way I do. No one has an appetite after what we've just been through. "I'll be sure to make something good for breakfast in the morning." She slowly stands and runs her hands down the front of her beautiful dress, smoothing away the wrinkles caused by sitting. She truly does look just like Grace Kelly, especially with how she's dressed this evening. "Perhaps, we'll all feel more like eating by then." She smiles softly at us both. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"
Cassiopeia and I both shake our heads softly.
"Okay," Maria smiles and I can tell she's hesitant to leave us. "You won't go disappearing in the night now, will you?" She asks with a slight smile and slanted eyebrow as though she's teasing but I know she's seriously concerned we may do just that very thing.
"No, ma'am." I answer her, speaking only for myself because I don't dare speak for my mentor.
"We've been ordered to stay. We won't leave until given permission to do so, ma'am." Cassiopeia answers her and makes clear the reasons why she's still here. Only because she's been ordered to stay.
"I don't want either of you to feel like you're prisoners." Maria responds and its obvious by the look in her eyes she's horrified to think that is how we may feel in this situation. "You are free to leave if you wish to do so." She looks us both over and comes to her own moment of clarity quite quickly. We aren't people that are free to make their own decisions. We are Council Property without any rights. "I'm so sorry. For my part in all of this." Maria speaks quietly, "Goodnight. I hope you sleep well." She tries to offer us both a small smile as she heads for the door.
"Goodnight Maria." I answer her but Cassiopeia doesn't say anything.
Maria stops with her hand on the door, hesitating for just a moment. I think she was hoping to hear something from Cassiopeia. Finally, she turns back looking at Cassiopeia.
"Thirty-one years ago on this night, it was snowing. A gorgeous beautiful big-flaked snow, the kind that seems magical. I'd been in labor most of the day. It was agonizing. I spent hours walking up and down the hallways." She paused sucking in a quick breath and my eyes widen that she's speaking about this, "In a room, just down this hallway, you came first." Maria swallows hard looking at that daughter before her now, "The cord was wrapped around your neck and you weren't breathing. The doctor cut you free and I was crying seeing your tiny purple body as they lay you on my chest, asking why couldn't I hear you cry; if you were ok. The doctor passed you off to the midwife who left the room with you. He told me I had to focus because the next baby was coming just as quickly. I sobbed the entire time I was pushing her into this world because all I could think about was you. So worried about you. Annika screamed and wailed and they wrapped her up and handed me this tiny pink bundle and I asked where were you? Where was my other baby? They wouldn't answer me. Ulric came into the room moments later and told me you didn't make it. That you'd been stillborn." Tears welled in her eyes uncontrollably now and in mine, "I completely lost it. Nothing had ever hurt so badly before in all my life. Not even the worst torture I'd ever endured compared to what I felt inside." She let the tears fall and so did mine but Cassiopeia just stare unblinking into her eyes. "I was so heartbroken that I refused to eat or sleep for days, I couldn't properly look after Annika. Ulric hired Marna then, as a nanny to look after her. She ended up looking after us both. That woman is the only reason I survived. Everyone said I should concentrate on the healthy baby I still had. But having one healthy child did not make up for the utter despair I felt in losing you. I felt as though a part of me died that day with you. I know you don't remember me. But I remember you. The first time I felt you move inside me, was right here. Always on this side." She motioned held her left side. "Annika was here," She motioned to her right side and then back to her left. "But this is where you lived for those nine months. My Alexandra. That was to be your name." She smiles sadly as new tears fall, "And I felt every kick to my ribs and punch and hiccup. I remember the first time I ever, laid eyes upon you and felt your tiny weight upon my chest and no matter what Ulric or anyone says," Her voice is rising in octave as she struggles to control her emotions, "you will always be my child and I will always love you. Always." The tears are rolling in silent streams from her eyes now and dripping off her chin. "Goodnight, Casey." She looks her in the eye with a pained smile, "And Happy Birthday." And with that, she's out the door.
Nothing in the world makes sense right now. I can't imagine how either of them is feeling. I feel as though I've been gutted and this story has nothing to do with me. For Maria to have her baby ripped away and told she was dead only to find out she's still alive, and for Cassiopeia, to have known she's had a mother all these years but never allowed to know her. None of this was fair or right.
I know better than to say anything and so I wipe away my tears and wait for Cassiopeia to make a move. So far, she's standing beside the bed like a statue still staring at the closed door. I think she's shutdown completely in her efforts to compartmentalize what just happened. When she doesn't move after several long minutes I decide I better make the first move and reach for my pajamas lying on the bed before me. Slowly I put them on and it seems to jar Cassiopeia into action. Without saying anything she walks towards the door and turns off the light. The only source of light now in our room is coming from a tiny lamp on the nightstand beside me.
"I'll sleep on that side. You over there." She announces, indicating she wants me to switch sides. I do as instructed and shift around the bed, pulling back the covers and climb in.
I slide carefully down between the layers of sheets and blankets while she clicks off the lamp and does the same. Moonlight washing through window bathes the room in cool blue light and I can see now why she's requested that side of the bed. She's positioned herself between me and the door. "I wasn't going to try and make a break for it." I say quietly into the darkness.
"I know." She answers, settling in on her back and staring up at the ceiling. "I don't trust her."
"Who?" I ask bravely throwing all former protocol out the window lying beside this woman for the first time in my life, sharing a bed. Realizing she was purposefully putting herself between me, and a perceived threat. "Maria wouldn't hurt us. She has no reason to." Somewhere in my mind I recognize that this is what sisters are supposed to do. Lie in bed at night together and talk. But Cassiopeia's no ordinary sister and this is no ordinary situation we are in. She's still my General.
"She's not the one I'm worried about." Cassiopeia adjusts her arms folded over the top of the blanket and I can tell she can't get comfortable. Her back must be hurting her. "I don't think it was a mistake you tripped an alarm or got shot by the FSB. That was a mission you could have done with your eyes closed by the age of nine."
"What?" I ask astonished and roll over on my side no matter how badly it hurts me to look at her. She's not worried about Maria but Marie. "What makes you say that?"
"Moves and countermoves." She says speaking of the game of chess everyone always seems to be playing with our lives, "She had to get you here in some way for this evening's entertainment." She says bitterly. "You said she told you prior to the mission, that if you ran into any trouble to come here. You certainly ran into trouble."
"You think she set me up?" I gasp in disbelief and roll onto my back again, staring at the ceiling with her.
"Yes." Cassiopeia shifts around and winces, clenching her teeth. "Not enough to kill you, just enough to maim."
I suddenly get the distinct impression that she's speaking of herself and her current injuries. "Permission to speak freely, ma'am?" I ask wanting to give her, the proper respect for what I'm about to ask.
"I think you already are." She answers and I balk realizing that is true but I wasn't expecting her to verbally acknowledge the liberties she's afforded me in speaking this evening.
"How did you get caught?" I finally brave asking and hold my breath.
"I didn't get caught. I trusted the wrong person. I thought I knew what he was capable of." She sighs and rolls over on her side facing away from me. "Do you remember what I told you the night I stabbed you and Nyah in the shoulder?"
My heart is pounding as the memories flood through my mind and I wonder briefly if I should expect another attack at any second from her and that tiny dagger. "That I should be prepared for anything, even while sleeping." I say hesitantly and find myself scooting slowly away from her in the bed.
"And?"
"That our most deadly threats often come from those closest to us, and when we least expect it." I answer her and it dawns on me what she's really saying, without saying. What she's telling me without telling me.
"I'm glad you remember that lesson."
"I'm likely never to forget it." I answer staring at her back, watching her chest rise and fall slowly as she breathes. Instinctively, I begin rubbing the scar on my shoulder from where she stabbed me.
"Good." She speaks quietly, "Then I'll have done my job."
I roll back onto my side, facing her back and ask outright what she's saying without saying. "Someone close to you did that?" I need some clarity in this lesson even if it's as clear as day what she's trying to tell me. After the night we've had, I'm tired of speaking in riddles.
"Be careful who you put your faith in, Julia. The less you trust, the least you get hurt." She continues, "Choose who you trust wisely. Friends and enemies can be hard to distinguish the longer you play this game. And it's all a game to them." She sighs tugging the blanket more tightly around her, "They're always thinking twelve moves ahead. So you must learn to think thirteen. Never turn your back on anyone you aren't absolutely certain of." She shifts slightly again trying to get comfortable in our small bed.
I'm struck with an epiphany. I've heard everything she's just said, but it's that last line that stands out the most right now, 'Never turn your back on anyone you aren't absolutely certain of.' I repeat it over and over in my head while I'm staring directly at her back. Cassiopeia is not afraid to turn her back to me. She trusts me not to try and kill her in her sleep at least.
We lay in silence for several long minutes while I contemplate all that she's said. Of course the longer I think, the more questions I have and the more thoughts fly through my mind.
"He…" I pause and forge on, "Mikael, called her a 'tyskerunger." I wait for any explanatory response from Cassiopeia but there is none. "Doesn't that mean Kraut-kid? In Norwegian?" Mikael spoke Swedish, we were in Sweden and I was confused about why he was calling Maria a German in Norwegian.
"Yes." Cassiopeia answers without further explanation and I know I am going to have to drag this out of her. She's clearly not comfortable talking about this but I want to know my heritage and how all this came to be.
"Was she born in Germany? Is that where she was adopted from?"
"No."
"Then I'm confused." I'm getting frustrated by her unwillingness to answer me. "Because, I don't understand why he said it under his breath like it was an insult and everyone's reaction to it. Especially if she's not even German?"
"It was and she is."
"It was what? An insult?" My eyebrows narrow trying to follow along.
"Yes."
"And she's what? German?" I'm simultaneously shocked and confused.
"Yes."
"But you said that she wasn't-" I begin in frustration and she cuts me off.
"Born in Germany." Cassiopeia clarifies finally. "You asked if she was born in Germany. I answered the question. You need to pay attention to what you're asking and the answers given." I knew she'd find some way to turn this into a lesson. She pauses for a long moment before she continues much to my surprise. "She was born in Norway. To a German father and a Norwegian mother. Maria is a Lebensborn child, Julia." She adds quietly. "She was created by the Nazis as a project."
My heart drops into my stomach as I visualize what we'd learned about in History class in regards to the Lebensborn Children. Their creation as part of Hitler's idea for a Master Aryan Race using good looking blonde German soldiers to breed with Norwegian women to create in their eyes the perfect race. I also remember how horrifically those children were treated at the war's end with angry mobs of Norwegians using hot irons to brand swastikas on some of those poor children's foreheads so that everyone knew who they were and how they'd been created. I'm also instantly reminded that the Norwegian public used to call these children a very derogatory term 'tyskerunger' or Kraut-child before it was changed to the more politically correct 'war child.'
"My god," I gasp in astonishment to all of this. "Why would he say something so horrible to her?" I say out loud horrified, more to myself then really asking her the question. Maria was his aunt; his own family. I couldn't imagine saying something so cruel to one of my own family members. "That's so awful."
"Because it's his nature to lash out viciously when he feels threatened." She answers me quietly. My mind instantly thinks about his reaction this evening to Marie giving Cassiopeia the heirloom book and his equally horrific response by calling her nothing but a dog. I was seeing his temper for the first time and it was terrifying.
"How do you know all this? Did Ulric tell you?" I ask her still curious about how all this fit together. Ulric had said at dinner tonight that he made sure Cassiopeia knew who her birth mother was. It made sense to me that he'd be the one to tell her such a thing.
"Yes." She answers and I'm afraid she won't say anymore about this subject. I don't want to keep trying to pull it out of her if she's not comfortable talking about this right now in fear she will shut me down completely in regards to everything I would like answers to.
"How long have you known about me?" I finally work up the courage to ask deciding to switch topics. "Known that I was your sister..." I clarify quietly because that's what I really want the answer to. Not as a subject for The Program.
"A long time." She answers quietly and somewhat reluctantly I can tell by her hesitation.
"How long?" I ask again because it disturbs me to think that all this time, she's known we were sisters and the truth about who my real mother was.
"Go to sleep, Julia." She answers and effectively ends my questioning. I knew I was pushing it to ask again given how much liberty she's already granted this evening with my questions and her earlier response, that she was ordered not to speak to me about any of this.
Once again my mind starts thinking about all I've learned tonight and all the questions I still have. If she's telling me to be wary of Marie I'm not sure what I should do about the secret order Marie's given me. I'm too young and naïve still playing this game to know who is using me and in what ways. I can barely think three moves ahead let alone thirteen.
"Marie's ordered me to get as close to Mikael as I can. She wants me to have a romantic relationship with him against Ulric's orders. I'm to report back to her on his every thought and movement." I blurt out quietly and see her head turn ever so slightly in reaction out of the corner of my eye. The information definitely has her attention. "She told me I was strictly forbidden from telling anyone about this." I add, letting her know that I was disobeying an order by telling her. "I don't know what to do or who to trust anymore." I say quietly and sigh, "You've stabbed me, broken my bones, drown me, and shipped me across the ocean with the dead," I list off all the ways she's hurt me in the past and roll over onto my side, turning my back to her and facing away, "but I still trust you more than anyone else in this insane world of ours right now." It's true. At least she's always attacked me head on and I do believe her now when she says its because she's trying to help me stay alive.
We lay quietly for a long time. When I'm nearly asleep I hear her speak again.
"I was there," Cassiopeia finally speaks, "At the hospital." My eyebrows pinch in confusion as to what she's talking about and only a beat passes before she clarifies for me exactly what she's talking about. "I've known who you were since the day you were born, Julia."