Third chapter up tonight! Don't want anyone to miss a chapter with so many going up in a row!- Wild
Expect the Unexpected
"Jules," I hear Nyah's voice and sit up instantly. I'm not sure how long I've been asleep but I must have been sleeping pretty deeply given I need to wipe the drool from my chin. "Ulric. He's here." She says with wide eyes and I can hear faint yelling in Swedish drifting through the hallway.
Maria stands quickly and I scramble off the bed.
"I heard him yelling and it woke me." Nyah informs us quietly as we walk out of the room. Her room is closer to the Grand Staircase so it makes sense she'd hear the outburst we're hearing more of now. Ulric is arguing with the butler, Tomas.
"This is my house and I will do as I damn well please!" We hear Ulric yell at Tomas as we hurry down the stairs. Marna is standing defiantly next to him as human shields blocking Ulric and Mikael's advancement into the house.
"Sir, I have strict instructions from Lady Maria that no one, including you, are to pass this point of entry. If you will please, just wait a moment-"
"I will not wait a moment! I hired you! And I can fire you!" Ulric yells back.
"You'll do no such thing." Maria commands as we hit the bottom of the stairs. All eyes flash to her as we approach. "Thank you, Tomas. You are dismissed." She smiles appreciatively at her faithful servant.
The man wastes not a moment before swiftly turning on his heel and removing himself from the tense situation. Marna remains where she is standing but stiffens a bit taller.
"This is ridiculous, Maria. Being quarantined at the front door like an unwelcomed guest!" Ulric huffs and puffs his frustrations. I stand behind her a little and off to the side knowing she knows how to handle him in this environment better than anyone else.
"You are an unwelcomed guest in this house." She informs him quite coolly.
"They why was I summoned here?" He asks on edge, clearly struggling to contain his fiery venom. His eyes zero in on me.
"Because she knows this is the one place they're always welcome and where they will be safe. This will always be their sanctuary from anyone meaning to harm them including the likes of you." Maria informs him and I gulp. She's drawn a firm line in the sand and has let him know exactly where she stands.
"I haven't harmed anyone!" Ulric insists.
"Haven't you?" Maria counters, not believing a word he says. "You had nothing to do with all of this? I find that very hard to believe given what I know about you now."
"For what point and purpose would I have declared her dead? She is my Right Hand, my General for Christ-sake!"
"Don't ever say that in my presence." Maria's chest heaves in held back rage. She can't stand hearing any form of Christ's name taken in vain. It's the one thing about her I do know. Her own little oddity that enrages her. "Likely the same reason why you told me she was dead after her birth." She counters. "So that you could have complete control over her."
"I have complete control over her already." Ulric seethes. "I don't need to fake her death."
"If you had complete control over her, then what the hell happened that she ended up in this situation now?"
"Where is she?" He ignores Maria's question. "I want to speak with her. Why isn't she down here to greet me upon our arrival." He seems more angry at this moment with Cassiopeia's lapse in protocol than by what has happened to her.
"She's unconscious and couldn't walk down here to greet you even if she were awake." Maria seethes back at him that he doesn't even seem to care what kind of condition Cassiopeia may be in.
"Why?" He asks momentarily stunned to hear such a thing. "What's wrong with her?"
"They've starved her." I answer this time taking a step forward. "She can't weigh more than 70 lbs right now, sir."
"Starved her?" His features fall some in what I believe is genuine disbelief before his mask of tight features slips right back into place. "I need to see this for myself. Where is she?"
"Upstairs, sir." I step back extending my hand to show him the way. Maria steps aside to grant him passage.
Mikael looks positively ashen as he walks along beside Ulric and me up the stairs. His eyes continuously glancing my way in questions and disbelief about if what I've said about Cassiopeia's condition is really real.
"She's down this corridor." Maria takes the lead and I get the impression she wants to maintain a boundary once we're inside the room between the defenseless Cassiopeia and her husband she no longer trusts at all.
"Why are you keeping her in this wing?" Ulric asks as we pass sheets of plastic and small piles of construction materials.
"I brought her here, sir. It was the easiest place to put her given the situation."
"Were you in on this too?" He demands of Maria wondering what her role in this mission was given she'd taken all the responsibility for the last one in Russia where I killed an FSB officer to get Cassiopeia's baby back. He assumes, given our location, that she must be.
Before she can throw herself into the fire for me again, I answer quickly. "No, sir. She wasn't in on any of this. She had no knowledge of what was transpiring until I informed her at our arrival this morning. I am solely responsible for what happened on Fire Island. As soon as I knew we were safe, I contacted you immediately." I'm trying to show him that I'm the good little loyal spy he wants me to be that my first thought after finding safety was to notify him. That I'm not trying to circumvent his authority even though that's exactly what I did and am still trying to do now with this whole arrangement.
Maria stops directly in front of the door with hand holding tightly to the handle and turns around to face Ulric. "I want to make something very clear. She is not leaving this room under any circumstances until she's well enough to walk out on her own two feet. Is that understood?"
"You have no authority to make such a demand, Maria."
"Then I'll have your mother make it one." Her beautiful blue eyes turn nearly black as she threatens him with the one who holds power over him. The fact that she said 'your mother' instead of Lady Marie has Nyah, Mikael's and my eyes all widened. She wasn't pulling any punches anymore where he was concerned. Her fierce mother lion instincts were in full on protection mode.
"You called Marie?" He hisses under his breath in clear outrage.
"I called her, sir." I admit trying to take some of the heat off of Maria. "I was in her domain and had diverted from an assignment she'd given to me in order to raid the prison looking for the General. I killed her FSB Guards and wanted to inform her immediately of what I'd found and what I'd done as per our instructions."
"She'll be here any minute." Maria informs him almost gleefully. "So I will repeat myself if necessary, Casey is not leaving this house or this room any time soon."
Mikael, Nyah, and I can't believe the silent showdown we're witnessing as the two stand toe-to-toe mere inches from each other's faces staring without blinking into the other's eyes. Strong will matched with strong will. I can see now how they may have made a good match at one point if not for the fact he is actually evil and crazy.
"Fine." He finally concedes to my utter amazement. I suppose he realizes that Lady Marie will likely back up Maria's wish anyway given their most recent history together; and being ordered to do something by Lady Marie only serves to remind the rest of us, in front of him, that she really holds the power and he can't stand that.
"And no yelling in this room." Maria adds before opening the door. The lights are off except for the glow of the fire so she slowly turns on the chandelier above with a dimmer switch revealing the tiny form beneath the mound of blankets to those now gathering around the bed.
Marna is the closest next to Cassiopeia and looks at Maria for only a moment, seeking the tiniest head nods of permission before she flips back the heavy quilts and reveals what lies beneath.
"Dear God," Ulric gasps in disbelief and horror. "What have they done to her?" He speaks quietly to himself and I see his fists roll into balls at his side. The man is either the most Oscar-worthy performer of the year or he's honestly in shock at what he's seeing and had no knowledge, at least, that they were starving her to death.
"It doesn't even look like her." Mikael shakes his head wearing the same expression of horror and disbelief. "Are you even certain it really is her?" He looks at me with questioning eyes. Given what we know about body doubles and plants, it would be a valid question on anyone else except Cassiopeia. I'd know her anywhere.
"I'm certain." I answer in a tone that leaves no room for argument and feeling as though they may need further proof, I carefully pull up the flannel top to her pajamas to reveal the horrific torture scars confirming it really is Cassiopeia. The sight of her emaciated body and every single bone jutting out of her thin, broken and battered skin is almost their undoing.
"I think I'm going to be sick." Mikael gasps covering his mouth with his hand and swaying slight on his feet. "I can't believe she's still alive."
"Barely." I answer him quietly pulling the pajama top down once more.
"You really knew nothing about this?" Maria asks Ulric standing defensively between him and Cassiopeia with arms crossed.
"Of course not. I had no idea," His rebuttal fades as he stares only at Cassiopeia's face and then shifts back towards Maria. "I'd never let them do anything like this to her."
"Just torture her with beatings and electrocution?" She reminds him she knows exactly what he's capable of. "You can't honestly expect me to believe you're not capable of this, too."
"Maria, I'm telling you the truth on Annika's life, I had no idea Casey was being starved to death in that prison."
I take note of his very careful wording and I can see that Nyah and Maria have as well. He's sworn on something as sacred as Annika's life that he had no knowledge of the FSB starving Cassiopeia, but it's what he didn't say that is revealing. He didn't swear he had nothing to do with any of this at all, in fact, quite the opposite. He said he'd never let them do anything like this to Cassiopeia, almost speaking as if he had control over those that did. I know the man is too smart and calculated to reveal such things as these, unless he's honestly so in shock and distraught at her condition he's slipped up. That maybe his plan hasn't evolved according to how he thought it would.
The phone beside the bed starts ringing a strange sound and when Maria answers it, I realize it's also a Call Button for this massive estate.
"Yes, Tomas?"
"Lady Maria," He announces, "Your guest Lady Marie and entourage have arrived. Shall I escort them upstairs?"
"No, thank you. I'll send someone down to meet her. Thank you, Tomas." She hangs up the phone and looks directly at her estranged husband. "Your mother has arrived."
"Stop calling her that." Ulric demands, greatly unnerved by her insistence to do so.
"Why not? It's the truth isn't it? I am sick of all the lies, Ulric. I'm not doing it anymore, pretending what is the truth, isn't and what is a lie is the truth. I'm done when it comes to this family." She announces sound as though she's simultaneously claiming victory and defeat. "Mikael, will you please go escort your grandmother to this room?" I know she doesn't want to leave Cassiopeia alone with Ulric, even if all the rest of us are still here.
"Yes, Aunty." He nods politely and is out the door. He absolutely baffles me how he can be so terrible to her one moment and so obedient and adoring the next. It is as Nyah said before, I'm starting to think he's bi-polar at least where this family is concerned. Or maybe it's just as Cassiopeia once said, he acts out when he feels threatened and things are going his way. None of this is threatening to him, at least for the moment, so perhaps that's why he's behaving himself and being decent.
I look at the clock and realize how much time has passed. Cassiopeia is overdue for a feeding and even if it's not the most opportune time, she needs to eat and on schedule if she's ever going to get better.
"I'm sorry but I need to feed her." My quiet apology breaks the silence in the room after Mikael's swift departure and I pay no attention to what anyone else is doing as I set to work. Marna hands me a clean syringe from the nightstand and Maria passes the container of liquid nutrition. It's still unbelievable I have to do this and I know everyone else feels the same when no one speaks at all, just stares at her and what I'm doing.
"She needs hospitalization before she dies." Ulric finally speaks after I push the first teaspoon through the tube.
"Until Pavlov and his FSB dogs are reigned in, she's not safe in a hospital." I counter him immediately without thinking, adding a latent, "Sir."
"There is a hospital in London. She will be safe there until this mess can be sorted." Ulric informs us and I'm surprised to hear such a place exists. Not that I fully believe him.
"I told you. She's not leaving this room." Maria reminds him.
"And if she dies because you're too stubborn to let me save her?" He argues back.
"You put her in this position. Don't you dare speak to me about saving her." Her fire erupts from within and eyes cloud over with new unshed tears she refuses to let fall over such a betrayal. "If you're that concerned about our daughter's welfare and our ability to care for her here, bring the medical equipment Casey needs to us. We'll take care of the rest."
"She is not our daughter." Ulric responds in almost a low growl.
"You're truly insane if you honestly think that way." Maria looks at him speaking slowly and thoughtfully as if wondering if that may be a real possibility now. "She is my child and she will always be my child no matter the circumstance. I warned you once and I will do so again, that my children and my grandchildren are off limits to you and it will be over my dead body that you ever bring such harm to them again. This is the last straw, Ulric. I'm serious. Sending them off on missions is one thing. Stealing their children, having them tortured and starving them to death is absolutely unacceptable."
"I told you, I had absolutely no idea they were starving her to death or that any of this was going on. I will handle it!" He roars back in outrage that he cannot control her or her reactions to this situation. He certainly doesn't like having his failures as she perceives them aired in front of all of us.
"Yes, you will." Lady Marie announces her arrival with a command. The room falls silent as she steps forward with Mikael by her side. She never takes her eyes from Cassiopeia as she approaches. I continue to administer the food through the NG tube but watch out of the corner of my eye as Marie carefully looks over every inch of Cassiopeia's face and features that she can see. She says not a word, slowly pulling back the blankets to look at her body and lifts the pajama top to visually inspect the damage already visible through the thick fabric. Her only outward reaction of any emotion she's feeling that I see is in watching her swallow very hard and then clench her teeth as she again covers Cassiopeia carefully. Her eyes lock onto mine and hold for a long moment before she speaks at last.
"You found her inside the FSB prison on Fire Island?" She's asking me to confirm the facts.
"Yes, ma'am."
"And how did you know she was there?"
"I didn't know for certain. While on my mission for you, I was given a piece of Intel that a source had seen the FSB transporting an American Female agent to an island prison inside Russia. My instincts told me it had to be the General. No other female American intelligence operative had been reported missing in the last six months, except Cassiopeia. It seemed like Actionable Intelligence at time," I swallow hard under her penetrating gaze and know that Ulric is listening intently as well. "And I knew I may not get another opportunity. I acted on my own and stormed the island. She was in the last cell I checked. Once we were a safe distance away, I contacted Nyah to help me transport her here. As soon as I knew the General was secure and taken care of, I contacted the both of you to report what I'd done and my findings."
"Why didn't you report the Intel as soon as you heard it? You went rogue on this mission with absolutely no authorization or clearance and eliminated 33 FSB officers." Ulric demands answers.
My ears perk up immediately at what he's said. He knows exactly how many officers I killed yet I hadn't relayed that information to him. So he was either informed of what I'd one prior to his arrival here this evening, or he already knew before I even went in. "I wasn't certain who I could trust with the Intel, sir. If the FSB were involved, I knew Director Pavlov had to have known at the very least. He is supposed to be one of our Commanders. I wondered if he could imprison my General like this, what else could he do and I couldn't take the chance. Not if she were still alive and not if she were in there. I had valid concerns that somehow he and they would be tipped off before we had a chance to move in and I couldn't take the chance that the General would be lost again, sir."
"And if you'd been wrong? You would now be facing execution for killing 33 FSB officers." He counters with intense eyes.
"Yes. I would. But I wasn't wrong, sir." I argue and turn my attention back to Cassiopeia. "If there was even the smallest chance the General was in there and still alive, I knew it was my duty to find out. Mission before self, sir." I focus back on him, reminding him of our sacred motto as EHWs, and what a good soldier I am. That I did all of this, risked all of this, because that is exactly what I have been taught to do.
"The Sentinels are on their way here now." Lady Marie informs me. "They want to speak to you."
"You cannot let them take her." Maria all but panics at the idea.
"They will not be taking Julia or Nyah anywhere," Her eyes flash to her granddaughter for her part in all this. "They only want to question you on what happened and your evidence of where you found Cassiopeia. I'm going to assume you have some other than your word that's where you found her."
"Yes, ma'am. I do." My mouth has gone dry thinking about facing the Sentinels once more.
"Good." Lady Marie folds her hands in front of her body. "I will arrange transport immediately for Cassiopeia to be cared for at a hospital in London. She is in far too grave of condition to be cared for without constant supervision."
"Ma'am-" "Marie-" I protest along with Maria immediately but she raises her hand to silence us. "It is for the best."
"Then may I please go with her, ma'am?" I ask knowing there is no arguing with this woman. "When I freed the General from that cell, she was conscious and lucid and I promised her I would get her to safety. She is trusting me to do that, ma'am. I gave my word."
"She is safe now, Julia. I give you my word." Her tone is softer but her words are just as stern. "When she is conscious again, I will allow you to visit. Both of you." She nods at Maria as well, knowing she doesn't like this either. "We shall leave in the morning. This evening, we will deal with the Sentinels and you," she turns her Ulric, "will explain to us all how it is that someone in your position had no knowledge that a Director beneath you, had taken your top General into his custody, faked her death and imprisoned her without your being aware?"
"I could ask the same of you." Ulric challenges her immediately. "This happened in your division and Director Pavlov is under my control just as much as he is yours. How is it that you weren't aware what was happening inside the borders of your own country?"
"My people are divided. This is a secret to no one. From time to time, things go astray and measures are taken to bring things back into alignment. It seems I have some house cleaning to do. And I promise, it will be done. But it doesn't exclude your culpability in all this, Ulric. You had to have known she was still alive and in their custody. Your General simply doesn't disappear without your knowledge. You had to know she wasn't dead after all."
"I'm not having this conversation with you right now. Not in front of them." Ulric waves his hand in our direction. "We will continue this discussion in private when the Sentinels arrive."
"You did, didn't you?" Maria gasps with new tears and rage in her eyes realizing what he's admitting without saying the actual words. "You bastard!" She lunges at him immediately and punching with a swift right hook across the face. "I'll kill you for this!" Her combat skills are as sharp as ever and before any of us can even blink she has swiped his legs out from under him and is sitting on his chest choking him. "How could you do this to your own child?" She screams at him through blinding tears. "Be so cruel that you're starving her to death!"
"Maria!" Marna and Lady Marie both scream at her simultaneously trying to get her to stop and Mikael lunges into action. Maria casts him away from her by slamming her head into his nose not about to let him get in her way and I know that's when I must act. She's running on pure blind rage right now and will kill Ulric if I don't do something. Even if I agree with her, it will only end badly as I'm sure she'd be executed by the Sentinels for murder.
"Maria," I approach cautiously and lay my hand on her shoulder, getting her to look at me. "You don't want to do this. Let him go." I slide my hand down her arm while holding eye contact and grip it more tightly until I feel her release him. As soon as she does, I swoop my arm over her and pull her away from him and towards me on the floor where she starts sobbing and he starts coughing back to life.
"I don't understand how you could do this?" She sobs looking at him shaking her head, "How you can be so cruel? She's our child, Ulric! Our child that we created in love and you've done this to her!" One hand escapes from where I'm holding her tightly to me on the ground and flails towards where Cassiopeia is lying motionless on the bed. "To starve her to death in a prison cell! What could she possibly have done to ever deserve such cruelty from you?"
"I didn't do this to her!" Ulric gasps through barely a whisper. His voice box has no doubt been damaged by her iron grip and the bruises are already showing in the form of finger-prints around where he's rubbing his neck. "I swear to you, Maria, I had no idea they were starving her to death! I would never have allowed that!" He gasps in shouted whispers, choking on the air. "On all that is holy and all that we hold dear, I swear to you, I had nothing to do with them starving her!"
"But you knew she was alive! You knew they had her!" She sobs back shaking in my arms completely breaking down like I've never seen her before. When Ulric doesn't respond she has her answer. "Why Ulric? Why? How could you do this to her? How could you do this to me, again? Tell me my child had died again?"
"Because I told you, Maria, she is not your child! And you cannot have her in your life. Julia and Cassiopeia are weapons for The Council. They will never be your daughters! You crossed a line when you went on that mission to retrieve Alexei from where I had placed him. You broke an agreement I'd made with Pavlov and these are the consequences!" He gasps, hunched over holding onto the end of the bed frame and pointing a finger at her, blaming her for all this.
I want to shout that it wasn't her at all, that it was me! I'm the one who did this! Who broke the agreement but I keep silent, no matter how much it pains me because I look at my sister unconscious in that bed and I remember the sacred vow I may to her to never speak of it again. I cannot break that vow, no matter what happens. I promised.
"You're blaming this on me?" She shouts back at him in rage and tears.
"You broke the agreement! I had to make a new one!" He gasps and chokes once more into a coughing fit and spits blood upon the hardwood floor.
"What agreement did you make?" Lady Marie speaks with a voice like death and steel.
"That in exchange for losing Alexei as his heir and the FSB General who was to take his place, Director Pavlov may have sole control over Cassiopeia for exactly one year under his command, so long as she was returned to my service at the end of the agreement alive and in one piece."
"You did what?" Lady Marie seethes and I struggle to hold back Maria from attacking again.
"It was an agreement that suited both our needs. I needed a way to disconnect you from her and to see how Julia would perform without her." He looks from her to me and back again. "Faking her death and having her off grid served its purpose."
"And what exactly was he supposed to get out of this deal?"
"Whatever he wanted so long as he didn't cause her any permanent physical bodily damage and that she was returned to me, as I said in one year. He wanted another heir. I assumed creating that heir was part of his intentions for her."
"And how exactly was he intending to do that?"
"I didn't ask specifics. As I said, we had an agreement. She was his do with as he pleased so long as he didn't cause any lasting permanent bodily damage and returned her within a year. Whether that heir was created by him the old fashioned way or through egg extraction and a surrogate, I did not care nor ask any questions. The last I heard, he was keeping her in a Maximum Security prison with heavily armed guards given her attempts to escape. I had no knowledge he was actually starving her to death or had beaten her down this severely that she's barely alive. That is in direct violation of our agreement. Her organs will surely have lasting damage from this." He looks at Cassiopeia, not as though he is looking at his own hurt child, but rather a damaged prized possession. I think I'm going to be sick. I understand on a whole new level now, what Cassiopeia meant when she said we had no idea what he was really capable of.
"You sold her like a slave to a Master to breed with!" Maria is outraged. I am too, only I'm too in shock to even blink at the levels of evil I wasn't even aware existed.
"She is a slave, Maria. She is Council Property and so are her offspring. How else did you think I was going to keep the peace after that stunt with Alexei and the FSB General?" His eyes flash from Maria to his mother, Lady Marie. "Trading her and an heir for him created peace. The matter was settled. You let Cassiopeia keep Alexander when it was strictly forbidden, Marie. This is was her penance and his payoff."
"You're a monster." Maria gasps through breathless tears of wonder and horror. "Get out of my house. I never want to see you again for as long as I live."
"This is the reality of the world we live in, Maria. I tried to warn you. I tried to make you see that you cannot look at her as your child. She belongs to The Council. She is property and she has a purpose. No matter what you say or do, those are the facts and they do not change. Cassiopeia is under my command and I will do with her as I see fit when and how I see fit and nothing either of you," he looks between Maria and his mother, "say or do will change that. She belongs to me. She always has and she always will." He uses his thumb to wipe the blood running in a stream down his bent and broken nose and then cracks it back into place without making a sound. "I will see to it that Pavlov is dealt with for this."
"And whose going to deal with you?" Maria seethes through grit teeth.
"I'll show myself out." He straightens up and wipes the blood from his nose once more. "I'm having dinner with our daughter in the city anyway. I wouldn't want to be late and make Annika wait. She's expecting a child you know? Our first grandchild." He announces, completely dismissing Cassiopeia or the fact that Alexander is actually their first biological grandchild, not to mention Nyah standing right beside him who is grandchild now even if she's adopted and in this one sentence has completely dismissed her. "I'd hope that we can pull it together enough to be there for our child when the time comes. She's going to need both of us." His reminder to Maria of his closeness with the only child he claims is like twisting the knife in an open wound.
"Get out!" She screams at him ready to attack again and I hold her back with all my arms and legs wrapped around her on the floor.
"Ulric leave. I will speak with you later." Lady Marie commands and when Mikael starts to follow she stops him with hand on his arm. "You're staying here." I have a feeling she wants to know exactly if and what he knew about all this and separating him from his beloved mentor is the easiest way to get him to talk.
When Ulric is gone, Maria immediately zeroes in on her nephew. "Did you know about this? Did you know she was alive and what they were doing to her?" I hold her more tightly afraid of his answer and her reaction.
"I knew she was alive," He confesses speaking quickly, "but I swear to you I had no idea what they were doing to her, Aunty Maria, I swear! On my love for Julia," he looks right at me said apologetic big blue eyes, "I swear to God I had no idea this was happening to Cassiopeia! I would have said something! I would have!"
"Then why didn't you tell us or at least me you knew she was alive? You knew how devastated I was to lose her!" This time I'm the one crying and screaming in disbelief and outrage.
"I was trying to protect you! The Sentinels had just tortured you nearly to death because of a mission they thought you did for her!" He waves his hands frantically towards Cassiopeia's form in the bed. "You were nearly killed for her! I was trying to protect you! I knew if you knew what they'd done, you'd go after her and you'd end the one tortured or in prison! Ulric made it very clear I was not to tell you and if I did, he promised me that he'd send you in Cassiopeia's place in exchange with the FSB! What was I supposed to do? I love you, Julia! I was trying to protect you!" The tears are flowing freely down his cheeks. "I swear to you all on everything I hold dear, if I'd known she was being starved and beaten to death like this, I would have told you! I would have! I don't like her and we fight most of the time, but I wouldn't wish what's happened to her on anyone. I swear to you, Jules. Grand MaMa," He turns his attention to Lady Marie begging for forgiveness, "I swear to you on my father's soul, I'm telling the truth. If I'd known how they were treating Cassiopeia, I would have told you. But I didn't know! Ulric said she would be back in a year and that it was not our concern what Director Pavlov was doing with her during that time so long as he honored the agreement. I was trying to protect Julia. After what happened to her this summer…I couldn't stand the thought of anything like that every happening again or losing her to the FSB for a year and what they'd do to her. What was I supposed to do? As you can see for yourself, Ulric is a man of his word! He means it when he says something I knew he wasn't bluffing about exchanging Julia for Cassiopeia if I said anything."
"Nyah," Maria asks calmly through cracking voice, "Did you know about any of this?"
"No." Nyah answers immediately with tears in her own eyes and raining down her cheeks. "I swear to God, Nana, on Mama's life and soul and everything else I hold dear that I had no idea Cassiopeia was even still alive."
"She's telling the truth. She didn't know." Mikael offers backing up Nyah's denial. "Ulric said he didn't trust her to keep it from Julia given how upset she was that Julia was so upset with Cassiopeia's death. He said she as too emotionally involved."
"And you weren't?" I ask wondering how he felt if Nyah was deemed too emotionally attached to me to keep the truth from me about such things given my state.
"I almost told you, Jules. That night on the bridge when you said you just wanted to fly because you were tired of losing everyone you loved. I almost told you that night, but you turned around and walked away." Mikael cries falling to his knees before me on the floor. "It was breaking my heart to see you in so much pain but I was terrified of what they'd do to you if I told you and Ulric had you sent away. I'm sorry. I am. I never wanted you to feel like that. Please, you have to understand! I'm his heir and there are just some things I cannot tell you. Things I have no control over!"
"I do understand." I answer him calmly wiping the last of my falling tears, violently shoving my emotions into a tiny compartment. "I understand that you are the heir and that I am Council Property just as she is." I nod towards Cassiopeia, "And that you will use us, lie to us and do as you will now and in the future if it suits The Council. That is our stations in life. We will never be able to be anything more than just friends."
"Julia," He panics trying to move closer to me as I back up and this time, its Maria between us on the floor creating a barrier, holding her hand up to stop his advance. "Please, you can't mean that! I'm doing everything I can to change all this! To change our future! That's why I was trying to protect you! Why I didn't tell you so you wouldn't be sent away!"
"But you were willing to sacrifice my sister to spare me?" I shake my head looking away and at her.
"She's not your sister, Julia!"
"Yes, she is, Mikael. Even if we never say it. Even if we never acknowledge it face to face or in the light of day, Cassiopeia is my blood. She is my sister and you knew that and more importantly, knew how I felt about her and losing her and what she meant to my life and still… you kept quiet."
"And if I hadn't, you would have been the one in that godforsaken prison being starved and looking like this now!" He argues back.
"Then so be it. Her only crime in all this was having a baby with the man she loves, Mikael! Do you not see how vastly unfair and absolutely cruel all of this is? I would gladly have endured what she's been through if it meant sparing her! I'd have done the same for Nyah, or you, or anyone I love! Family protects family, no matter the cost, Mikael!"
"I was trying to protect you! That's exactly what I was doing!"
"But you knew the truth and didn't give me the choice! You took it away from me! You took away my chance to do something to help her!" I yell back and then reign in my emotions again.
"Julia, I did what I thought was best for you! I'm sorry. Please, let's talk about this when you've had a chance to think about all this. Consider the position I was in and the choice I had to make!" He pleads with me. "I love you. You are everything to me and I'm doing everything I can to make sure we have a future together. Please, just don't quit now."
"I'm not quitting. I'm surrendering to the fact that I am Council Property and I will always be Council Property with very little say in my own life, no matter if I change my station." I look at Maria and realize how very true that is. "Maria was Council Property and married the heir, changed her station and yet still, she has had zero control over her life and what happens to her own children. I'm sorry, but I cannot fathom having a future like this with you."
"Our future won't be theirs!" He stands angrily, waving around at Maria, "It won't be anything like theirs! I promise you! I'd never take our children and turn them into projects. Never do anything like that, Jules! You know me! I love you! I worship everything about you!"
"And Ulric used to feel the same way about her. I think he still does, but it hasn't stopped him from hurting her for as he says, the greater good of The Council." I shake my head refusing to cry. "You can't say you won't be anything like him when you already are! Don't you see that? You hurt me by lying to me when you knew Cassiopeia was still alive! You knew how devastated I was and yet you stayed silent because you said it was for the greater good. You kept silent on the knowledge she'd been taken and traded to the FSB and locked up and said nothing. You're making choices that hurt me, that hurt her and everyone you love in this room, because you said it was your duty as the heir to keep his confidence. You cannot be my future commander and also share a life with me. It will never work. I cannot trust you anymore, Mikael."
"Julia," He pleads trying to move closer to me.
"No." I step further back.
"I think its best everyone calms down and retreats to separate quarters right now. This is not the time or the place for such discussions." Lady Marie steps in and takes control of the situation. "Mikael, why don't you take a walk outside for a bit. The cold air will do you good. We will have a conversation at another time about keeping your silence to me in regards to this matter. As an heir in my bloodline, Cassiopeia is my business and will always be my business and you should have informed me of what Ulric was doing. I expect more of you not only as grandson, but as my heir to this family. You are supposed to be looking out for the best interests of everyone in this family. And that includes Cassiopeia, whether you like it or not."
He nods and slowly walks towards the door, looking back, "I love you, Julia. I was just trying to protect you. I'm sorry."
I can't even look at him and instead stare at Cassiopeia's soft fuzzy baldhead while I try to control my emotions. Lady Marie is right. This is not the time or place to be having any of this discussion.
Maria moves the moment Mikael is gone makes a beeline for the bed. I have no idea what she's doing but she rips back the blanket and gently rolls Cassiopeia from her side onto her back. When she lifts her pajama top and pulls down the waistband of her pants I realize what she's doing.
"What are you doing?" Marna asks watching Maria lean over and delicate fingers trace lightly over the smooth but battered skin of Cassiopeia's lower abdomen.
"Looking for surgical marks." Maria informs her and confirms my suspicions. "If they harvested her eggs for IVF with a surrogate she'll have small-" her breath catches, "incisions." She finishes quietly and new tears flood her eyes with the tip of her finger tracing lightly over a tiny pink scar no bigger than a centimeter on Cassiopeia's right side, just over where her ovary would be. My eyes catch sight of another very light pinkish scar extending from her belly button and I reach out and touch it. Maria's and my eyes meet over Cassiopeia's body in silent understanding. Our fears are confirmed. At some point in time quite recently given the coloring, Cassiopeia has had laparoscopic surgery. Given what Ulric said about his approval of Pavlov seeking another heir, it's not hard to make the leap that he extracted her eggs at the very least.
"So he took them?" Marna asks full of concern seeing the marks and the looks on our faces. "He took her eggs?" Nyah nods, that is exactly what this means, and Marna's eyes fill with more tears of horror.
"So they took her eggs to create their heir and then left her to rot and die in that prison. Nice." I seethe in anger at what has been allowed to happen.
"I'll handle it." Lady Marie insists clenching her jaw.
"Just like you handled your son?" Maria challenges her without looking up and carefully pulls Cassiopeia's shirt back down again. She stares only at her child's face while speaking, lightly brushing her hand over Cassiopeia's head. "You have no control over him and now he's let the dogs in your backyard off their leashes to do as they pleased with my child and you had no idea any of this was going on. That he traded her like chattel or a common brood mare to them to settle a score. He is completely unhinged. So, please, do explain to me Marie, how are you possibly going to handle this?"
When morning arrives, I'm pleasantly surprised to open my eyes and find Cassiopeia's big blue eyes looking back at me. They're more of a muted blue these days given her condition, but they're still recognizable to me. "You're awake." I whisper at her trying to rub the sleep from my own eyes and focus in this dimly lit room. The fire is still crackling beside the bed in the large fireplace and the warm glow it casts around us is the only light filling the room.
"I'm awake." She repeats what I say in a quiet whispered voice. She's still too weak to speak with much effort. "Are we where I think we are?" She asks tucking her hand up beneath her pillow staring straight at me.
"Yes, ma'am." I answer her knowing she knows exactly where I've brought her. She'd recognize this room and this bed anywhere. "It was the only place I could think to bring you where we'd both be safe for awhile."
"How long have I been out?" She doesn't linger on our location or my reasons for it and moves onto something else much to my surprise.
"Three days give or take." I shuffle carefully around on the bed trying to get comfortable and not jostle her too much.
"And how long have I been gone?" She asks quietly and my heart drops into my stomach that she doesn't even know how long they've had her.
"It's January 10th, 2000. You died six months ago." I answer trying to contain all my emotions on the subject just as I know she'd want me to do. If she wasn't crying or showing any emotions about this, I wouldn't either. I'd just give her the facts she needed to put her life back together. "Or so we were all told. But I'm gathering you must have known that they told us you were dead given your question in the cabin. Asking me who else knew you were alive?"
"Yes. I was told."
"Before or after you were taken, ma'am?" I know I'm pushing but I want to know if she knew what she was heading into with this horrific arrangement.
"After. I had no idea anything was happening until it was too late. They drugged me, transported me somewhere I do not know, and I woke up chained to the ceiling in a cabin." She explains how they managed to subdue her. Of course they'd have to drug her. There'd be no other way she'd go down without fighting to the death. "It was easy to guess it was the Russians given the language and FSB officers constantly surrounding me."
"Ulric made a deal with Director Pavlov." I whisper in disbelief any of this is even true but she deserves to know the truth. "Pavlov could do as he wished with you for one year so long as he didn't cause any permanent bodily damage and returned you in one piece. Ulric said it was the only way to keep the peace after what happened with..." I let the thought die on my lips. I swore to her I'd never speak of Alexei or the FSB General I killed ever again. I don't need to say it out loud for her to know what I'm talking about.
"I figured as much." She licks her dry and cracked lips, speaking softly. "Especially after they took my eggs." My heart breaks even further in hearing her say she knows about that too. I'm relieved in the next moment that it means I don't have to tell her.
"Ulric only confessed all this last night after Maria nearly choked him to death in this very room." I see her eyes widen slightly to what I'm saying but continue, "I pulled her off him but now I wish I hadn't. He deserves to die."
"But she doesn't." Cassiopeia immediately responds and I remember what she said the last time we were in this room about her biological parents.
"I know." I concede having come to the same conclusion then that she already knows. That if Maria kills Ulric, the Sentinels would kill her given his status. "That's why I pulled her off of him, ma'am." I'm trying very hard to maintain the boundary of General and protégé knowing that's what she's most comfortable with, especially given her vulnerability and in this bed, so close together and having a conversation that is otherwise very much like sisters.
"You shouldn't have brought me here." She says quietly reaching up to touch the NG tube coming out of her nose. It must tickle now that she's awake.
"I thought you said you trusted me, ma'am?" I ask her with a tiny smirk.
"I do. But I would have thought you'd known I would not approve of this location."
"As the one in charge of this mission, I had to make the call. I knew you wouldn't like it but it was what needed to be done." I answer as diplomatically as I can. "This is the one sanctuary I knew the FSB would not follow and the one place I knew we'd both be safe once they saw you were still alive. Witnesses so they couldn't make you disappear again."
"What did you do, Julia?" She asks almost hesitantly.
"I called them all in. Lady Marie, Ulric, and the Sentinels were all here. I confessed to killing all 33 FSB guards in that hellish prison after having gone rogue and finding you." Her face seems to grow even more pale as I continue speaking. "I told you, I learned to play the game. This time, I was the Puppet Master playing them against each other. Ulric confessed to making the deal but swore on Annika's life he had no idea they were starving you to death or would have done something to stop it. Mikael confessed to me the same." I add quietly and look away from her. I'm too ashamed of his reasons to look her in the eye given what she's been through. "He said he had no choice but to maintain the lie you had been killed or Ulric threatened to exchange me for you with Pavlov instead. So he never said anything to me that you were still alive."
"Good." She says immediately and catches my gaze, "For once, I approve of the spoiled prince's actions where you're concerned."
"How can you say that? Had I known earlier, I could have gotten you out a long time ago!"
"And they would have put you right back in that prison. Just as Ulric promised he would." She argues and for the first time I hear her old fiery spirit surging forth even is she's still speaking in hushed whispers. "You've already done enough for me, Julia. I would never have let them take you in my place."
"You're so stubborn." I sigh narrowing my eyebrows looking at her.
"Likewise." She launches right back. My breath catches when the faintest of smiles appears on her lips. "How much trouble are you in?" She asks after a moment.
"Lady Marie covered for me with the Sentinels again, approving of my actions by saying they were in fact sanctioned kills given she'd ordered me months ago to pursue any leads I had into your whereabouts and take whatever necessary action I needed to as far as you were concerned." I repeat exactly what Lady Marie had said the Sentinels last night sitting on the sofa in the study downstairs as they grilled me. Cassiopeia listens intently and I can see she's surprised with what I'm telling her. She's too weak right now just worrying about breathing and staying awake to also worry about covering her emotions with the wall she normally puts up. I take it as another testament to just how safe she does feel with me to let me see her so vulnerable.
"She'd given Nyah the same mission directive and so we have both been granted amnesty for this situation. They were not at all pleased that Ulric had made a private deal with Pavlov to settle a score they thought had already been dealt with. They left here with very strict instructions from Lady Marie to keep a far better eye on Ulric in the future and demanded that they relieve Pavlov of his position at once. She wanted his life for what he did to you, but since Pavlov had made a deal with Ulric, the Sentinels refused to execute him even if he nearly killed you, saying he hadn't kidnapped you, but were instead given over to his custody by your Commander."
"I see." She says quietly and I can tell she's mulling over everything I've said. It is a lot to take in.
"His position as the Director of the FSB is no more." I offer as some bit of positive news. "We'll never have to worry about him again."
"It's not that easy." She responds with a defeated sigh. "The worst ones always find a way back into the fold. He'll pop up again. I'd bet my life on it." Her tone is serious and given her current condition and the fact the man has nearly starved her to death, she means what she says. "And by rescuing me and taking his precious Director title from him, you may have just surpassed me as Number One his Enemy List. He won't ever forget this, Julia." I feel the bottom drop out of my stomach again listening to her and the way she's staring so intently at me. "You'll always have to be on the look out for him now. Always looking over your shoulder. As his recent imprisonment of me proves, he doesn't forget."
"I don't care." I answer without hesitation. "I'd rather take the heat off you and put it on to me, anyway. It's only fair. I have nothing and no one to live for and you have everything." I know I'm pushing the boundary now but it's the truth I feel. "I have something for you." Before she can say anything or object I roll off the bed in search of my bag.
"Contraband?" She asks turning her head slightly to try and see what I'm doing as I carefully rip open the seam of my duffle.
"Of course. You know me, General." I smile at her remembering old times and finger the photograph out of the hole I've made. My heart is thundering so loudly in my chest I'm afraid she will hear it. This is an incredibly risky move. I walk cautiously forward and lie back down on the bed again, holding the photo to my chest. "I've kept an eye on him for you. Ever since they told me you were dead. I'm sorry for intruding into your private life. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. It was the least I could do for you." I gulp seeing her eyes widen in realization as to whom I'm speaking of. "He's as perfect and happy as ever." I smile handing over the most recent photo I have of her child we never speak about. Her fingers grasp hold of it as though it is the most precious thing in the world and she's afraid she will break it. She stops breathing and stares at his sweet little face for a long time.
"He's gotten so big." She finally whispers and I realize that is true. Six months is a long time when it comes to aging babies. She's missed his first birthday and many other milestones and I'm simultaneously saddened and enraged to think that nearly the entire first year of her child's life has been stolen from her. First, just after his birth for seven months and now for the last six.
"I'm sure he'll be happy to see you." I try to offer with a small smile.
"He won't recognize me." She whispers.
"Of course he will." I adamantly counter her fears. "He recognized me at 9 months old after I only spent 3 days with him the month before. You're his mother, General. That's something that is impossible to forget. Trust me. He will remember you." I smile at her as she studies his face. "I promise I'll never speak of him or this again unless you do. I just thought after everything you've been through. You'd want to see for yourself that he's okay. This was taken a week ago." She tries to hand the photo to me and I push it back towards her gently. "No, it's yours now. You keep it." I can see she's about to thank me and I shake my head no softly once and then smile. I can't accept thanks for this either. "There is something else you should know." I begin and she slowly sets the photo down, palming it carefully over the bed to look at me and I know I have her full attention. "Lady Marie plans to take you away this morning to some hospital in London. She insists you need to have better care in order to heal and that you'll be safe there."
"I don't want to go to the hospital."
"I argued that but I don't think we have any say in the matter; though she promised we could visit once you were conscious. So maybe things will change now that you're awake?" I ponder out loud, rambling as I'm speaking. "But," I lick my own dry lips, "I called and left a message already for Ares." Her eyes widen again slightly to hear me speak of him so openly once more and what that means in regards to their relationship. It's not something she's comfortable discussing at all. "He's on his way here and I'd hoped he'd arrive before they take you away."
"He knows that I'm alive?" She asks for clarification.
"Yes, I think so." I suddenly feel horrible for not having the answer to this one very important question. "I left the message with First Lady Thorne. Ares became their Number One after your death. He was on some deep mission and I needed her to make contact with him. I told her the truth and she promised to speak with him directly and send him right away."
"Is Ulric still here?" She asks and I see the brief flash of fear flit through her eyes.
"No. Maria threw him out again last night. He's not here." I try to reassure her. "And those that are left won't stop Ares from seeing you or punish him for trying."
"He won't do well seeing me like this." She reveals what I already was guessing.
"I had to call him, General." I apologize. "He's been a wreck without you." I swallow the lump in my throat. "We all have."
"What does that mean?"
"It means you are needed a lot more than I think you realize, ma'am." I add the sign of respect at the end, trying to maintain the relationship the way she wants it to be. "You give us all direction and purpose. Without you, it has been chaos."
"How so?" She asks quietly.
"All in do time, General." I smile at her and avoid the question, rolling once more off the bed. "Other things are more important and pressing right now. I need to feed you."
"I can feed myself." She protests seeing me load the syringe with more liquid to plunge through her nasal tube.
"I'm sure you can, ma'am, but your body isn't ready to accept it. I'd say this is working given you're conscious again and talking to me now. So please, just give it time? Please?" I add almost begging her not to be stubborn about this. She relents without a word and so I set to work attaching the syringe to the tube and slowly administering another dose.
"How bad, Julia?" She asks after several long minutes of silence and I'm not sure what she means at first. Then it dawns on me. She's been in darkness all this time and imprisoned. I know, she knows she's wasted away to nearly nothing looking at herself and the fact she doesn't even have the strength to walk or feed herself, but she is asking how bad it is through another's eyes having not seen her own reflection. I know what she means now and I don't want to answer her.
When I remain silent and refuse to look at her, she places her boney hand over mine as I disconnect the syringe and stops my movement. She wants an answer.
"It's not good." It's the only thing I can say. I haven't the heart in me to tell her I think she looks so bad she may as well be a corpse. I'm pretty sure she already knows that and feels that inside but to have someone tell you, is another reality I'm not sure she's ready to face. This woman took immense pride in her strength and physical appearance. She was the epitome of physical fitness and beauty with the most gorgeous body and hair of anyone I'd ever known in my life. And unlike her namesake, I had grown to realize she wasn't vain about any of it, it was just a part of who she was. A pride in being the strong, beautiful, capable woman she was who commanded a certain presence and could hold the attention of anyone in the room.
"I want to see." She demands in the next breath and I immediately refuse.
"I don't have a mirror." It's a lame deflect and we both know it but I don't know if I'm ready to see the look in her eyes when she finally sees herself fully for the first time.
"Then take me to one." She struggles to move, trying to sit up.
"This can wait." I protest trying to hold her down.
"No, it can't. I need to see what everyone else sees. I need to know, Julia." She pleads with a commanding tone, her eyes begging me to understand. "I need to know." We have a silent stare off while I contemplate my limited choices. "If you do not help me, I will roll onto the floor and drag my way into that bathroom even if it takes all day. I'm going to do this. It will be much easier if you just do as I say and help me. Do I need to make this an order?" She asks and that is my final undoing. I can't and won't argue with her to the point she has to make this, something so astonishingly personal for her, an order. She's never had to do that with me before given our history of her asking me for personal favors that are so extremely rare. I do not want her to start having to now. She's asking because she needs my help and that is something she rarely if ever asks of anyone.
I sigh heavily looking at her for a long moment and then lift myself off the bed. She's too weak to even uncover herself from beneath all the blankets. "Are you sure you don't want to wait to do this until Ares gets here to help you?" I ask even as I uncover her. This is so immensely personal I can't imagine her wanting me to witness this.
"No, I need to do this now. Especially before he gets here." She looks at me with those faded blue eyes again so weary already from her constant fight to stay alive, I haven't the heart to battle with her about this anymore. If this is what she wants, I will shut up and do it.
"Okay." I yield and carefully scoop her up into arms. It's like lifting a doll, I carry her with such ease and I'm sure she's keenly aware of the fact. Using my foot I push open the bathroom door in our room and stand before the mirror. The glow from the fireplace outside illuminates only the outlines of our bodies' silhouettes casting a dark shadow into the mirror. I stand there holding her as she stares into the mirror at our reflection. Her incredibly thin legs and arms dangling over mine are easy to see even if they are blackened shadows.
"Turn on the light." She instructs me in her old ordering tone I'm used to.
"It will hurt your eyes, ma'am." I remind her of the real dangers to her eyes and its more than just mere discomfort. Her retinas will take time to heal from being kept in such darkness for so long.
"Then give me your sunglasses. I know you always carry a pair in your gear bag." Cassiopeia is relentless when she wants something. "Front right pocket."
I want to spout off some snarky comment about how some things never change, but I bite my tongue. I'm elated to hear her barking at me like she used to, because I'm so thrilled to have her back alive but this moment means far too much to her for me to be involved at all. She needs me to be wallpaper right now: present and helping her but not really here.
Without saying anything, I walk us both back into the bedroom and stop before my bag that is within her reach. She lifts the flap easily and retrieves my sunglasses, placing them on her face and I proceed back to the bathroom.
This time I pause in front of the light switch and let her turn them on, giving her back some sense of control in this situation. She flicks the lights and I turn around, exposing our full figures to her for the first time. She looks like a child in my arms. A very tall child, but a child nonetheless. Her hand reaches up tentatively to graze over her shorn head where her once beautiful, long, and golden locks used to flow. Only large scabs and small tuffs of sheered hair remain. Her fingers trail down from her head across her sunken cheeks and to her pajama neckline that she moves from side to side, taking note of the bones jutting out from her collar, sternum and breast where every single rib is fully exposed beneath thin flesh.
"Set me down." She commands in a very quiet voice and I know she wants to attempt to stand on her own two feet. I do as she asks but hold her upright as she sways, unable to support herself. "I need to see it all."
I don't want to do this. I can't stand to see her looking this weak and vulnerable myself. It's absolutely soul crushing for me to see her this way. But this isn't about what I want or need, and so I violently shove my own feelings on the subject away in this moment and focus on being her wallpaper, here but not present. So I do as she commands. Carefully and without grief, I hold her up and unbutton her flannel top, removing it completely when she tugs on the fabric.
"Pants too." She insists quietly so I tug them off as well. She has wasted away to nothing. Just skin and bone, literally. I try my best to look anywhere but into her eyes in the reflection of the mirror. She's so thin and I am holding her so close to me that I can feel her heart start thundering beneath her chest and see it in the reflection. I can't imagine how she must feel. Her glasses hide her reaction but I know she's struggling to hold back her emotions at the horror she sees in her own reflection.
"Okay." She finally speaks in a quiet broken voice. "I've seen enough."
Without waiting for another command, I swoop her back up into my arms and carry her back into the bedroom, depositing her gently onto the bed once more. When I'm confident she won't roll out, I return to the bathroom to retrieve her pajamas and shut the lights off. Neither of us says anything as I redress her. She removes the sunglasses when I'm finished and hands them back to me. "I think I'll rest now." She says quietly, rolling over and a way from me while I tuck her in.
"Okay." I speak softly knowing she needs some time alone to process all of this. "I'll come back and check on you in a little while in case you need anything."
She doesn't say anything in response, just reaches over to clutch the photo of Alexei I've given her in one hand and then, hides it beneath her pillow.
When I make my way to the kitchen I realize I'm the last one up, except Lady Marie. Nyah, Marna, Maria, and Mikael are all sitting around the breakfast table eating in silence. Given Mikael's occupation at the very far end of the table, away from everyone else, I can only assume the reigning silence is do to the knowledge he knew all along that Cassiopeia was alive and the rest of us don't exactly know how to process that information. Maria isn't eating anything just as Marna predicted and instead is drinking a cup of tea she's mostly tracing the handle on absentmindedly with her fingertip while she stares into the chestnut colored brew. My approach seems to garner her attention and she smiles at me.
"Good morning." She greets me and then everyone else follows suit doing the same. My first instinct is to sit far away from Mikael, but then I stop, and take the seat next to him. I don't know why and haven't the time to ponder what I'm doing reaching for the pitcher of juice set on the table before me. Everyone looks surprised to see where I've chosen to sit, especially Mikael. I look at him, acknowledge his presence and then look away. I have nothing to say to him at this very moment but I want him to know I'm not ignoring him. I simply have no more words to say. Not that any will matter. What is done, is done and there is no going back from it now.
"She's awake." I announce after taking a sip of orange juice and everyone's ears perk up, causing them all to sit a little straighter and all eyes fall upon me. "When I woke this morning, she was staring at me."
"Is she still awake now?" Maria asks hopeful about to move instantly up the stairs if she is.
"No, she said she wanted to rest." I answer sadly, knowing how much she wants to see her, awake, and alive.
"So she's talking?" Marna asks hopeful, trying to distract Maria from her disappointment. "That's a good sign."
"Yes, she's talking." I nod and take the piece of toast Nyah has buttered for me already and dig into the lingonberry jam. "Though maybe I shouldn't divulge anything she says with some of our present company's loyalties in question." My eyes flash to Mikael who stops mid-bite.
"My loyalties are always and will always be with you." He speaks quietly. "Anything you have ever said to me in confidence, I have always kept private and never shared with him. I swear to you on my life and love for you, Julia."
"Just as you never share what he says with her, apparently, or any of the rest of us." Marna scolds him, obviously disappointed and displeased.
"I'm a slave of two masters, Na Na. My heart and my duty. At times, there are things I cannot share with her or anyone else that is disclosed to me as the heir. But I have never broken Julia's confidence and revealed anything to him she has shared with me in good faith. Anything that we discuss or she reveals at this moment in regards to Cassiopeia, I swear to you," He looks only at me, "I will keep to myself." It's an agreement we had after I revealed to him his grandmother's agenda in wanting me to report back to her everything we did or discussed. We'd decided that some conversations were off limits and to be kept just between us. I can see by the look in his eyes right now, and feel his intentions that he means for anything discussed now will fall into that same category only now where Ulric is concerned. I want to believe him, but I don't fully trust him anymore. A test will be in order and whatever I reveal won't be too damning even if he reports it back to Ulric.
"She wasn't happy I brought her here." I suddenly divulge and flash apologetic eyes towards Maria. "She is as always, concerned for your safety." I've just revealed and confirmed a great deal about Cassiopeia's thoughts, feelings, and intentions to everyone at this table. "Especially after I told her about the events of last night." My eyes glance down to the table where Maria's right hand is resting. Her knuckles are scabbed over and swollen from where she punched Ulric across the face. "She asked the basic questions of what happened, how we ended up here, who knew she was alive and," I pause feeling my mouth going dry again, "How long she'd been gone for. She had no concept of time."
"Was she aware we all believed her to be dead?" Nyah asks.
"Yes, she was aware. Apparently, they told her right after they abducted her." My eyes glance towards Mikael. She was traded by the heirs, but it's more appropriate to use abduction given how it was all done against her will. "She said they drugged her and when she woke, she was chained to the ceiling in that cabin surrounded by FSB guards. It wasn't difficult for her to make the connections about what was happening."
"And her eggs? Did she know anything about that?" Marna asks with worry written all over her face. Maria is absolutely silent beside her and I know she's taking in everything I'm saying, mulling it over in her mind.
"She knows. She brought it up before I did." I take a sip of juice as the room falls silent once more thinking about all of what that means before I speak again. "And in an ironic twist, the two people who can never agree on anything seem to both agree that you made the right decision in not telling me you knew she was alive." I can't help the bitterness in my tone when I look at Mikael. He seems surprised and caught off guard. "Cassiopeia said you did the right thing to protect me as she has no doubts that Ulric would have kept his word and shipped me off to the prison instead. I still disagree with the both of you."
"She's not furious with me?" He asks surprised given his history with Cassiopeia.
"No. But I am." I look away and shake my head. "We're never going to agree on this so there is no point in discussing it."
"What else happened?" Maria finally speaks. She's been staring at me, analyzing me I realize and knows there is more to the story I'm not revealing. "You're leaving something out."
"I gave her an update on how the people in her life were doing." I'm looking right at Maria and I know she will understand exactly whom I'm speaking about. "I thought that would be one of her top concerns and priorities and help put her mind at ease."
"Did it? Ease her mind?" Maria asks in barely above a whisper.
"Yes and no." My head sways gently back and forth with this loaded answer. "It brought up concerns about recognition and what her physical appearance looks like these days. She demanded to see herself in a mirror."
"Oh no, Jules, you didn't." Nyah sits back gasping softly in horror.
"You know her, Nyah. Do you really think I had any choice once she made her mind up?" My heart is racing and I take several deep breaths trying to blink back my tears and shelve my emotions. But my reaction right now, just in thinking and speaking about it, I know is quite revealing as to how this all went down. "She said if I didn't show her, she'd roll off the bed and drag herself even if it took all day."
"That sounds like her." Mikael adds quietly under his breath.
"So I took her into the bathroom and let her see herself."
"And how did that go?" Mikael asks.
"About as well as you can imagine." I say looking down at the table, afraid to make eye contact with anyone while I blink back my own tears.
We hear the fall of several pairs of footsteps approaching from the other room. At first I assume it must be Lady Marie and entourage but then I hear the distinct clicking of two pairs of high heels on hardwood floors and the fall of heavy boots and neither of those would be amongst her company this early in the morning. The entire table freezes when they enter the room. I wasn't expecting this at all.