Rules of Engagement (ROE) Book Two: Take Nothing For Granted

by SAWild

The Second Installment of the epic story, Rules of Engagement (ROE) Book One: Never Waste Good. Story picks up right where it left off in Book One :) So if you haven't read that first, you're going to want to or be completely lost! WARNING: This book gets pretty deep and intense storyline wise. AU. Not for the simple FLUFF seekers! Though there is that too! ;)

59. The Phoenix Protocol- Chap 19

In Moments Like These

"Good morning." Mikael's mother, Lena, smiles happily at us making her way towards her son. The gorgeous brunette drops a kiss to his head and ruffles his wild hair at the back of his neck, smiling at the rest of us wearing stunned faces.

"Mother, what is this?" Mikael asks looking embarrassed to be seen in his pajamas with crazy bed head eating breakfast before one of the world leaders.

"I found these charming people on our doorstep. They arrived the same time I did and so I showed them in. I hope that's okay, Maria?" Lena smiles sweetly over towards her sister. I can see the twinkling in her big brown eyes that she knows something very big is going on in this house right now given the present company and especially the guests who have arrived.

Maria nods and stands to greet them and so we all follow suit. "First Lady Katherine, welcome. This is truly a surprise. We were not expecting you at all." She extends her hand and welcomes the First Lady of the United States in her kitchen.

"Please forgive the intrusion, Lady Maria, but I wanted to hand deliver Ares and ensure his safe and expedient arrival." She smiles kindly at Maria and shifts her eyes towards me. "As promised."

"Thank you, ma'am." I can't believe she actually brought him here in person, as a personal escort. "Ares." I finally greet him where he stands completely still, looking extremely uncomfortable in the presence of these people and anxious.

"Ares." Maria repeats the name coming face to face with him for the first time. She studies him closely and a slow smile spreads across her face, extending her hand towards him. "A pleasure to finally meet you."

"Ma'am." He accepts her greeting nervously and I can tell he's about to jump out of his skin coming face to face with Cassiopeia's mother who looks just like her. His emotions are so readable these days, coming apart at the seems, I wonder how he's survived on missions at all over the last six months. "Julia," He turns his immediate attention to me, warily eyeing Mikael beside me. "Is it true? She's alive?" He wastes no time getting down to business.

"Yes. I found her." I smile softly at him and see the flood of emotions wash over him. "She's upstairs resting right now."

"May I see her, please, ma'am?" He shifts his attention back towards Katherine Thorne seeking permission as his heir and his commander at present. It's a heartbreaking reminder to everyone else observing exactly our stations in this life. A room mixed of property and heirs.

"Of course, Ares. You have my permission." She smiles softly at him. "I'll wait for you. However long you need."

"He can't stay?" I ask immediately in surprise and without thinking to whom I am speaking, "ma'am?" I add as an after thought.

"Ares is in the middle of a very important, deep cover assignment. There is no way to pull him out presently without the entire operation collapsing. We were able to buy him a very small window of time, but I'm afraid he must return as soon as possible." Katherine explains and our hearts feel heavy. "As soon as there is an opening, plans have already been established to pull him, though I intend to bring the General back with us today."

"Lady Marie has already decided she will be sent to the hospital in London for recovery. They're leaving today." I inform Katherine and see the fire flash through her eyes. Technically speaking, Cassiopeia belongs to the North American Division and Katherine Thorne as First Lady of the United States would have the final say.

"We will see about that." She answers very coolly, folding her hands in front of her body. We all look around at each other imagining the standoff that's coming between Lady Marie and First Lady Katherine Thorne over who has the final say where Cassiopeia is concerned right now.

"She is that ill she needs a hospital?" Ares asks me directly with worry racing through his eyes.

There is no easy way to break this news to him. "Cassiopeia's in very bad shape, Ares. Very bad. She's barely alive." I give him a moment to process what I'm saying before adding more onto the pile of shocking things he's hearing. "They starved her. She can't weigh more than 70-75 lbs right now. She can't even feed herself or stand." His face loses all color, as does Katherine's beside him and Lena's, who looks absolutely horrified to be hearing all of this for the first time.

"Cassiopeia is alive?" Lena finally questions out loud hearing all the bits of information and putting it together. "She's here in this house?" She zeroes in on her sister, Maria, seeking confirmation and Maria nods.

"It seems Ulric traded her to the FSB Director as some form of peace agreement after last summer's incident involving her child." Maria informs her sister quietly, whom she obviously has confided a great deal in regarding her husband and child and the ugly side of The Council business.

"Ulric did this?" Katherine jumps in immediately and we can all see and hear the venom in her tone and posture. "He orchestrated her death and disappearance?"

"Yes, ma'am. He confessed last night he brokered the deal and intended to bring her back after one year." I inform her as my current Division Head, "He said that Director Pavlov broke the agreement though, by starving her nearly to death. Apparently, they weren't supposed to cause permanent bodily harm."

"Are the Sentinels aware of this?" She asks me immediately and I nod.

"They were here last night already, ma'am."

"We have been traveling completely off the grid for security purposes so I am out of touch on the events of the last 16 hours. If you'll excuse me, I need to make a call." Without wasting another second, she spins on her heal and departs the room clearly on a mission of her' own.

"Julia," Ares finally speaks and I can see what he's asking without being able to say the words.

"Come on. I'll take you to her." I motion for him to follow me and lead him out of the room. As we pass through the main foyer I can see Katherine on the phone in the office speaking to someone with a very angry look on her face. She closes the door as we pass and continue on in silence.

"Lady Marie," I gasp quietly in greeting as we approach the door and see the older woman exiting the bedroom Cassiopeia has been resting in. She doesn't seem surprised at all to see Ares and I'm hoping she won't turn him away now.

"Good morning." She greets the both of us instead with a soft smile. "A good day. She's awake."

"Yes, it is." I answer in stunned surprise. These turn of events have everyone speaking out of character.

"We will be leaving within the hour." She announces, "I want to get her to the hospital as soon as possible for the swiftest recovery."

"Yes, ma'am." I can't exactly argue with her about her plans. She can battle it out with Katherine downstairs.

"Ares." She greets him as we pass but says nothing else.

I pause before the door and wait until she's gone passed us quite some ways before I speak in a hushed whisper to him, looking in straight in the eye, "Are you ready?" I want him to brace himself for what he's about to see.

When he nods and takes several deep, calming breaths, I step back and wave my hand, ushering him passed me. He should be the one opening the door and going in. They don't need me there for this. Their reunion deserves privacy. I step back and he enters the dimly lit room. Ares pauses for only a moment before he closes the door behind him. My task is complete. At least for now.

I want to give them space and privacy, but not too much given I don't fully understand or trust the motives of everyone in this house presently; and so I take a seat on the step in the middle of the Grand Staircase where I am between them and everyone else. I rest my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands, closing my eyes and trying to mediate, calming my breaths and emotions. Everything about the last few days feels surreal. The events race through my mind one by one and then flash back to the past six months, looking for clues I missed that would have led me to her sooner.

I'm so lost in thought, I don't hear her approach until I recognize her footfall on the steps. I don't bother looking up knowing I'm in no danger and don't have to question her motives. She takes a seat beside me and wraps her arm around my back, pulling me closer towards her and places a long and lingering kiss to my head. Maria doesn't say anything and neither do I. It's like she just knows that I needed a hug and motherly embrace after everything that's happened. I know I'm not supposed to allow such contact and Cassiopeia would be having a fit right now, but I'm too emotionally drained to care. I turn into her arms and return the embrace. We hug each other tightly and let our silent tears fall. We cannot say out loud all that is between us or all that has happened, all the things we wish for, yet know can never be and so we let our hearts do the talking and relish this simple moment of contact.

Katherine suddenly appears from out of the office below and stops dead in her tracks at the sight of us. Slowly, Maria and I pull apart as she approaches.

"Please forgive another intrusion, Maria." She apologizes obviously feeling awkward about catching us in this moment and seeing the tears tracks on both our faces that we quickly wipe away.

"It's all right, Katherine." Maria forgives her with a small smile. "Thank you for bringing Ares and granting him permission to see her."

"The General is the best Council officer we've ever had the privilege of working with. This was the least I could do given all that she has done for us." She smiles softly at both of us and I'm stunned with what I hear. She actually just said it was her 'privilege' to work with Cassiopeia, acknowledging her as something beyond an asset or Council Property. "She is an extraordinary woman. I will miss working with her as we have for the past eight years in office."

"Then you likely know a great deal more about my daughter than I do." Maria responds quietly and I'm surprised and yet not she's so bold in her statements, claiming Cassiopeia to another heir for the first time. Maria's not one to mince words and neither is Katherine. "I don't care what the Council says or does not say, Katherine, Cassiopeia is my child and will always be my child. She is a human being and deserves a hell of a lot more than this. Being tortured, and then imprisoned, and starved nearly to death all because she had a baby. There is something very wrong with all this. This is not The Council I proudly served and would have given my life for. Whatever it has become is evil and I will do whatever is necessary to protect my children. All of them." She runs her hand down the back of my head as if staking claim to me as well.

"I understand." Katherine speaks quietly looking between us, "If I could change things, I would. We've always tried to do our best by them and treat them all as they should be. As human beings like the rest of us."

Maria looks surprised and disbelieving with gaze shifting towards me. "She has." I back up Katherine's statements as the truth seeing Maria is ready to attack anyone right now she thinks has abused or miss used us in someway. "They've always treated me very well. In fact, they are the only heirs in my command who have ever treated me as human." I admit quietly to Maria and then shift my gaze back to Katherine. "A rarity in our world."

"It didn't used to be this way." Maria shakes her head. "I don't know what happened."

I do. Ulric started The Program and it became standard that the Worker Bees and EHWs were to be treated as property only as they said we perform better when we know our sole purpose in life is to serve and only serve. I doubt very much that telling her that right now would help this matter.

"Thank you for being kind to my girls." Maria states honestly to Katherine in true appreciation.

"We've enjoyed our time with Julia as well," Katherine smiles very softly back at me, "She is also an exceptional young woman, like Cassiopeia. We have noticed that they take quite good care of each other."

"And I'm very glad for that." Maria pulls me closer to her once more in a sideways hug, kissing my head not caring at all that the wife of the current Division Head of North America is standing right before us, witnessing these overt displays of affection that are strictly forbidden.

"Me too." Katherine adds with a soft almost sad smile looking at us and I'm once again surprised to hear her thoughts. "Like you, I'd want to make sure my daughter is taken care of even when I'm not around." She flashes another brief smile at us, "If you'll excuse me, I need to go speak with Lady Marie about jurisdiction and where Cassiopeia will be recovering. I believe she should have some say in where she'd like that to be after all she's been through."

My heart jumps with a bit of joy to hear her once again treat us as human beings, suggesting Cassiopeia has the right to say where she wants to be right now. It's absolutely unheard of for us to be treated this way as Council property.

"Thank you." Maria says again and this time I can see happy tears welling in her eyes to see the kindness on Katherine's behalf is real. It's not just a lot of talk. She really does see us and treat us as human beings.

We sit in silence for several more minutes when we hear the voices from the kitchen growing louder. With a quick glance at each other we are both on our feet moving towards the rising argument.

"They're all three coming back with me today, Lady Marie. They belong to the North American Division and if Cassiopeia chooses to recover there, she has our permission to do so." Katherine argues on one side of the kitchen island while Lady Marie stands on the other. Everyone else is watching this showdown from the breakfast table on the far end, their heads bouncing back and forth as though watching an intense tennis match.

"Cassiopeia is my grandchild, my concern. This is not your jurisdiction, Katherine. You do not hold the seat presently, your husband does. I'm not having this conversation with you." Lady Marie argues back with a steely cool tone. Her arms folded over her chest as she leans back against the counter.

"She may technically be your grandchild but she's the property of the North American Division. My husband has given me authority on this matter, so I do have a say. If Cassiopeia wishes to travel to London to recover that is fine but it I give her permission to decide. Ares and Julia will return with me regardless. You are not sending her out on another mission inside Russia right now after what has just happened. That is out of the question!" Katherine fires back and my ears perk up, with heart picking up speed. This is the first I'm hearing of being sent back to Russia, and that's the absolute last place I want to be right now.

"You cannot be objective when it comes to Julia." Lady Marie levels a glare at Katherine, who gulps and shifts uncomfortably, looking at me. "You treat her as a child and look upon her as you would your own daughter. She is not your daughter, Katherine, she is an Elite Human Weapon and quite capable of doing the things I need her to do. Rescuing the General when no one else could is substantial proof of that. There are things that need to be tended to in order to wrap this mess up."

"Then send someone else." Katherine isn't giving an inch. "Julia's service contract with your division ends at midnight tonight. We refuse to extend it given the circumstances. She will return with me on the jet today."

I've never witnessed this before and it's blowing my mind. They are fighting over me right before my eyes. I have no say in any of it but I'm praying to God in this moment that Katherine Thorne wins this battle or I'll be headed back to Russia by nightfall; likely to clean house as Marie suggested last night to Ulric.

"And given the General had been declared dead, she is under no service contract with anyone presently, so by default she returns to North America. After everything she's been through, I'm giving Cassiopeia the choice to heal wherever she wishes until she's fully recovered." Katherine is relentless in fighting for us and I feel a surge of pride and dare I say, hope. That hope is crushed a moment later.

"Your tenure as Division Head of North America ends in 10 days." Lady Marie bites back with the harsh reality. "Your successor will not be so understanding or giving where they are concerned. He sees them as they were made to be, weapons at his disposal. His ties with Director Pavlov and associates were deeply concerning even before all of this transpired. Until Cassiopeia is strong enough to defend herself, and we sort through this mess enough to bring her back from the dead, getting to the bottom of exactly what has happened and how to move forward, it is not in her best interests to return with you at this time, Katherine."

Katherine's demeanor deflates a bit as does mine with that slap in the face of reality. "I understand what you're saying, Lady Marie and I can see your point of view. But I'm still in this position for the next 10 days and while I'm still in charge and have some say of those in my care, my say is that General Hendrix has earned the right to decide where she's going from here. The choice is hers. Present to her all the facts and let her choose. Agreed?" She offers an olive branch of compromise, ever the consummate diplomat.

Lady Marie stares her down thoughtfully for a minute and then nods ever so subtly, "Agreed. But a decision needs to be made. I want to get going."

"Just give them some time, Marie." Katherine argues back. I want to jump up and cheer at the way she's fighting for us, the little guys. "They only have today before I must return him."

Lena braves stepping forward and interrupting their showdown offering a possible solution and diversion. "Elin and Anni are on their way from the city to join me for lunch today at our estate. Why don't you join us, Marie?" She addresses her former mother-in-law with a kind smile, "It would give Casey a bit more time to make her decision and I'm sure the girls would be happy to see you. Now that I see my son and Nyah are also here, they could join us as well and anyone else who wishes to is welcome."

Bless this woman. She has the ability to calm raging storms and take control of situations with a simple smile in her mesmerizing charm.

"All right." Lady Marie agrees shifting on her feet. "I'd like to see them as well. Give me some time to get properly ready for the day, Lena, and I'll join you." She shuffles out the door without another word.

"Katherine, would you care to join us?" Lena extends the invitation to the First Lady as well with a smile.

"That is a very generous invitation, thank you, Lena. But if it's all right with Maria, I will remain here. There are some things I'd like to discuss with Julia about this last mission." Katherine looks at me before settling on Maria for an answer.

"Of course, you're welcome to stay here." Maria nods at her with a small smile, still stunned to see the woman in her kitchen. "But if you don't mind, I think I'll follow Marie's lead and take this opportunity to get ready for the day." She excuses herself.

Looking at the clock on the wall, I realize how much time has passed. "If you don't mind waiting a little while longer, ma'am," I address Katherine, "I need to give the General another feeding. It's already passed the hour and she needs to be kept on a strict schedule."
"Of course, I understand. Take your time. I'll wait here." She smiles taking a seat at the table.

"I shouldn't be gone long." I excuse myself and hear Marna offer her a seat at the table and some tea as I go.

My palms start to sweat a little standing before the bedroom door. This is the first time I'm interrupting them knowing now they're actually married. I feel horrible about intruding given all that has happened but she needs to be fed. I raise my hand and knock quietly three times.

Ares answers the door after a moment and pauses looking at me for an explanation. I can see his eyes are bloodshot and he's been crying, a lot by the looks of it. I'm completely shaken and shocked having never seen him this way before. I pretend I don't see anything and instead offer him an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. But I need to feed her. She has a strict schedule to maintain and it's already past the hour." I shift on my heels nervously, looking around him to see her still curled up in the bed lying on her side. I take note of the new position though, she's been moved more towards the center of the bed and the blankets behind her bunched. I take it to mean they were spooning and my heart flutters a little with love and hope to realize yet another layer to their secret love story.

He steps aside and lets me. She's facing away from me and doesn't say anything when I walk up to the nightstand and start getting her syringe and liquid feed ready. Ares takes a seat on the opposite side of the bed and reaches out to hold her hand. For the first time in my life, they're making physical contact where they're not beating each other up as a demonstration. I do my best not to stare or draw attention to it.

"This should only take a few minutes." I say quietly, feeling badly again for interrupting there severely limited time together as is and hook the syringe up to her tube once more. Normally, I sit beside her on the bed while I do this given I have to give her small increments of food over a twenty minute period but it feels wrong to intrude on the space they're sharing right now. I want to be wallpaper as I was before, but I know that's impossible given the secret nature of their relationship. When five minutes of absolute silence pass with me standing there pretending not to look at them, Cassiopeia finally speaks.

"You can sit down, Julia. It's okay."

"No, it's okay, really. I'm okay. I'll just stand here. I don't want to intrude." I ramble nervously.

"Sit down, Julia." She commands in that tone.

"Yes, ma'am." I sit immediately. A smile lights Ares face, one that I haven't seen in ages as he looks between us. I'm sure it must be humorous to him to see me sit on command like a trained puppy.

"You certainly have trained her well." Ares whispers still smiling at Cassiopeia, grazing her fingers gently with his thumb and looking at her the way he always does, with absolutely adoring eyes of a man madly in love.

"What is happening down there, Julia?" She speaks again over her shoulder as I sit behind where she's lying on her side. We can't see each other's faces right now and I think we're both appreciative of that fact given the situation. I can pretend I don't see Ares holding her hand like this and she can pretend I'm not syringe feeding her while she does.

"Katherine Thorne and Lady Marie were battling in the kitchen over who was taking you out of here. Lady Marie demands you go to the hospital in London to recover. Katherine is demanding you return to the one in D.C." I inform them quietly with strict facts.

"And who won that battle? Where am I going from here?" Cassiopeia doesn't sound the least bit surprised.

"Well, Katherine insisted that since you belong to the North American Division, technically she has final say speaking on behalf of the President. And her final say, was to give you the choice to decide on your own where you want to go from here to heal and recover. She said you earned that right after everything you've been through." I can see the surprise in Ares eyes as I reveal this interesting tale. "Lady Marie agreed to the terms to let you decide. She's going over to Lena's now to have lunch with Mikael, Annika, Nyah and Elin to await your decision."

"What do you think?" I hear her ask Ares quietly.

"I won't be able to see you until we find a way to extract me from this mission. Either location is fine by me. I just don't like the idea of you being on your own so long." He speaks just as quietly having this private conversation in front of me before shifting his gaze directly towards me. "Katherine told me she's pulling you back stateside to work at the CIA for awhile. If Casey goes stateside you'll be able to check in on her and visit her? Won't you?"

"Ares." She squeezes his hand.

"Daily." I answer nearly at the same time feeling a leap of joy in my heart he's asking me to do this before simultaneously feeling crushed at the thought of her rejection. "I could visit her every day after work if she wanted me to." I add quietly feeling more deflated when I see her head shaking no in the slightest of movements, catching his eyes and attention.

"London." Cassiopeia speaks, "I think it would be best to do as Lady Marie wishes."

"But you'll be all alone." Ares brows narrow and I can see he doesn't agree with her on this. "Julia can check in on you in DC at least until I'm released from this mission." But that's the point he's missing and I get immediately. She doesn't want me to visit daily or at any other time. Her wall is going back up between us. Daily visits or any at all while she's in the hospital are too familial. And she isn't going to accept me as that.

"London, Ares." She says again quietly but in that tone ending the discussion, for now at least, while I'm in the room. I finish administering her dose as quickly as possibly trying not to feel as hurt as I do right now. Every time we make any progress, it's always one step forward and ten steps back. I haven't seen her at all in six months, believed she was dead and couldn't wait to actually see her alive again, be near her. I was granted only a few hours this morning with her conscious before she's ready to put distance between us again. My heart and soul feel crushed.

I don't say anything as I finish and cap her tube again.

"You need to do this again for her on the hour every hour." I advise him, and let them know I won't be back to do it anymore. My movements are so quick, I'm actually out the door and closing it before either can say a word. I hear a faint Julia coming from Ares just as the door closes and I know he's trying to stop me or call me back, to say something or thank me, I don't know. But the emotions swirling around inside me right now are about to undo me. I want to run. I want to run far and fast and cry my eyes out without anyone judging me for it. And so I do. I grab my running shoes, my jacket and headband and am out the door before anyone has a chance to stop me. My feet are thundering furiously through the snow and down the path. The tears are flowing freely and streaking back into my hair, forming icy trails. My heart is breaking with everything that is wrong in this world. I've saved Cassiopeia but still lost her and now Mikael as well. I really am alone and my life is but to serve. For the last six months, the only purpose I had was in finding out of Cassiopeia was still alive and finding her. I've done that and now my purpose is complete. I don't know what to do from here. I thought finding her would make everything all better, but it hasn't. I've saved her, but for someone else. She has her own family and I don't fit into that. I'm not the sister she wants. I'm the sister she has. One that she's not comfortable recognizing and I need to be okay with that. Given all that she's been through in her life, she gets to make that choice and no matter how much it hurts me, I have to accept it. The only relationship she wants with me is mentor and protégé.

The only thing left I can do is make her proud. Be exactly what she wants me to be. Extraordinary. The best officer and agent I can be and I can't do that sitting behind a desk at Langley. I can only do that in the field. I will become the best. I will become the one Ulric relies upon, just as Cassiopeia said. Make his every success dependent upon me. I'll be the superstar he wants and seems to think is in me. The epitome of his life's work. Perhaps, if he's so busy looking at me, he won't be so interested in what she's doing anymore. I can be the distraction that buys her more time to heal and recover with her loved ones. She deserves that. I don't have a family or any distractions now that Mikael and I are through, officially as a couple. Lady Marie said if I wanted to become the master of my own fate, I needed to learn to start pulling the strings. I won't go back to being reactive. I'm going to take charge of my own destiny in what limited ways I can. I've made my decision. I'm going back to Russia.

I run for hours going over everything in my head and making sure it's the right decision. I don't know if it is or not. Everything in my mind and heart are a mess and no matter how long I run, I can't make heads or tails of what is right and wrong.

When I return, it's already well into the afternoon. I want to get this off my chest as soon as possible and get moving. Now that I've made up my mind, I just want to be as far away from here and everyone as I possibly can. I make a beeline into the kitchen, intending to grab a bottle of water and come face to face with Mikael and Katherine, who I'm surprised to see sitting alone in the kitchen having afternoon tea.

"Where is everyone?" I ask still huffing and puffing from my run, sipping water in between.

"Maria went to look for you and Marna went to the store. Everyone else is still at my mother's." Mikael answers, his eyes sweeping over my form, clearly concerned. "Where have you been?"

"I needed to run." I answer shortly, taking another long sip.

"I can see that." He looks displeased. "Why didn't you tell anyone where you were going?"

"I didn't know I was under any obligation to." I fire back, wanting to distance myself from him and everyone right now.

"You are under no obligation here, but it is the courteous thing to do." He narrows his brows at me, "What is wrong, Julia? This isn't like you. You don't just disappear for hours on end leaving everyone to wonder where you've gone."

"My apologies. I didn't mean to keep you waiting, ma'am." I look at Katherine, apologizing to her but not really to him. I'm angry with him right now. In order to end it, I need to recall all the reasons and memories I can of his betrayals and why it'd never work between us. It's the only way I can walk away from him and us right now until I have more time to sort through this. Too much is on my plate right now to handle and this is the one thing I can put aside until later.

"It's all right, Julia. But are you all right?" She asks me with the same concern on her features.

"Yes, ma'am." I try to slow my breathing. "Just a lot to process from the last week or so. Last six months really." My eyes flash to Mikael's and back to her again. "I'm fine, though I have a favor to ask, ma'am. I realize you're already doing me one now by even being here."

"It's okay, Julia. You may ask and if I may be of service, I'll do my best to help you." She offers politely.

"Please extend the contract, ma'am." I'm looking right at her and only here. I know she knows what I'm talking about. "I'm of no use right now sitting behind a desk in Langley."

"Julia," She starts to protest, I can see it in her features she doesn't like the idea of me going back into the field and in Russia of all places.

"It is my purpose, ma'am. It is what I was born to do. Please, extend the contract. I want to go back and finish this for her." I remind her of what Lady Marie has said because I know this woman does think of me as a child. I remind her too much of her daughter, Kelsi, being so close in age; but we are very different, her daughter and I. She was born an heir and I am Council property. "I will put in the request to Ulric and have him override your directive if I must." I warn her of how serious I am about this, that I'm willing to call the Monster who is my ultimate master. The one who has just confessed to trading his own child for peace where she was locked up and nearly starved to death. "But I don't want to do that. I'd rather you let me go, ma'am. It's where I belong."

"All right, Julia. If that is your wish." Katherine concedes, though her posture has fallen a bit.

"Go where? Where are you going? What contract is being extended?" Mikael fires off rapid questions looking between us.

"My current contract with Eastern Europe. I'm going back to Russia." I know he's not going to like that.

"No. You can't be serious! Jules, the Red Guard is out for blood right now. You killed 33 of their FSB officers. Entering Russia right now is suicide! They'll all be hunting you!" He is in near hysterics.

"And I'll be hunting them." I sigh, speaking calmly. "I'm very good at what I do, Mikael. I managed to rescue Cassiopeia from a Maximum Security FSB prison, taking down every single guard and I don't have a single scratch on me. I'll be fine. I always am. No matter what, I always seem to be the one left standing. Nothing's going to happen to me."

Lady Marie and entourage, along with Nyah appear in the kitchen from the front foyer and stop walking, coming upon what they realize is a heated moment between us. Before he can say anything to her that may change her mind, I speak first.

"Lady Marie, I've asked Lady Katherine to extend my contract with you and she's agreed. I gladly volunteer to return and finish this if that is your wish."

"Grand MaMa, you can't let her do this." Mikael tries to protest immediately.

"All right, Julia." Lady Marie responds after a moment of looking between the two of us and then focuses in on me. "Then you will return with me today. There are many things we need to discuss prior to your departure."

"Grand MaMa," Mikael whines and she silences him with a raised hand.

"That matter is not open for discussion, Mikael." She looks at him sternly. "As soon as Cassiopeia makes her decision, we are leaving."

"She's already made her decision." I inform them feeling all eyes on me now. "She said she wants to go to London."

"Then it's settled." Lady Marie nods at Katherine who returns the quiet nod as acceptance. "We should leave at once."

"I need to be getting Ares back as well." Katherine taps her finger lightly on her teacup. "It's getting late."

"I'll be showered and ready to leave in 15 minutes, ma'am." I address Lady Marie. I'm eager to leave as well. Best to get this over with now that a choice has been made.

Nyah steps forward as I approach their group huddled near the doorway, trying to make my way out of the room. "I'll help you get your things together." She volunteers and I know it's because she wants to talk.

"Thank you." I nod at her and we leave on swift feet, heading back upstairs.

"What are you doing?" She asks the moment the bedroom door to her room closes. "Why on earth are you volunteering to go back to Russia right now?"

"Because as long as his eye is on me, it won't be on her." I answer stripping off my clothes heading into the shower.

"You can't be serious? Jules?" She gasps that I'm setting myself up for this.

"I'm playing the game, Nyah." I violently turn on the water and am blasted instantly with cold water. The boiler hasn't had a chance to pump hot water up this high yet before I'm stepping inside. "And I intend to be the best."

"What happened, Julia?" She stands outside the glass refusing to give up. She knows me too well.

"I offered to visit her in the hospital." The cold water feels like knives stabbing me all over as I step beneath the spray and let it wash over my face.

"And?" She prompts when I go silent.

"She doesn't want to have anything to do with me." I reach for the soap and start washing.

"I don't believe that, Jules. Not for a second!" She tries to argue but it falls on deaf ears.

"It is true and it's okay. We are not sisters. Not in her eyes, at least. She has her own purpose in life and I need to find mine." The water is just starting to get warm now as I wash my body quickly.

"And your purpose is to get yourself killed in Russia?" Her dark eyes are furious with me.

"No. I have no intentions of dying on this mission. Quite the opposite, actually. I intend to exceed beyond any and every expectation from here on out."

"Why?" She demands.

"Why not?" I counter. "What else do I have to live for? This is our lot in life, Nyah. I may as well start embracing it."

"This isn't like you, Jules. Not at all. What's happened to you?"

"I faced reality, Nyah. And this is my reality. I was created as a project whose sole purpose is to serve my masters. If there is no out for the daughter of the Master, how could there ever be an out for the likes of me? A lab rat?" My eyes are closed as I rinse out the shampoo and open them briefly to look at her before reaching for the bottle of conditioner nearby. "Look, I know you don't get it right now. But trust me. It makes sense in a wild, crazy, twisted way." I smile at her trough glass door. "It's going to be fun. I promise."

"Fun?" She's looking at me like I'm crazy now and makes me laugh.

"Yes, fun. We are young, Nyah. Let's have some fun. We need more of that. We will work hard and we will play hard and we will be so exceptional in our work, they won't mind how hard we play."

"You sound like you've thought this all out." She doesn't seem convinced watching me rinse my hair. "I don't think it's that easy. If it were, we'd be having more fun now."

"My heart was never fully into this before now, Nyah. It was never fun, because I always dreamed of something more. I had to lose everything to understand and appreciate that this is the only real thing I have left. I'm going to make the most of it."

"It's not the only thing you have left. You have me. You have us. Everyone here loves you." She shakes her head and I can see new tears welling in her eyes.

"And I love them. But it's not enough, Nyah. It only makes it worse, actually. I love people, who love me that I can never have. That can never have me. Not really."

"So you're just going to alienate, Nana? Just cut her out of your life like Cassiopeia does? Julia, that will devastate her." I understand why she's so protective of Maria and I agree.

"No. I'm not going to alienate her or cut her out." I shake my head, finishing up and reaching for the towel.

"Then I don't understand."

"I'm going to keep things status quo. Just as they are." I smile drying off. "My plan is to become so exceptional at what I do, that Ulric won't care who I interact with or what I do because he'll see that it has no effect on my performance."

"I think Cassiopeia tried that same plan. Look at where she's at now." She argues a valid point but one I'm prepared for.

"True. But she fell in love and had a baby. I don't intend to repeat that mistake." Her face falls hearing me say such a thing for the first time. "This is who she trained me to be, Nyah." I brush past her, tying my towel around my body in search of some clothes.

"You always said you'd never become what they want you to be." She follows trying to argue with me.

"A lot has happened since then." I find my freshly washed and pressed black fatigues and slip into them. Marna has even patched the hole near my ripped pocket.

"You're giving up." She sits heavily on the bed beside me.

"No, I'm giving in." I counter with the truth.

"Is this because of what happened with Cassiopeia or because of what happened with Mikael?" Her brows narrow again in her inquisition.

"Both." I answer honestly. "And everything that happened in my life leading up to this moment, Nyah. Everyone I've ever loved has died or left me. I'm always the last one standing. Always. Eventually alone. The moment I come to depend on someone, they're ripped away. I can't do it anymore. This life we lead, isn't meant for love, just as Cassiopeia said. It's a weakness. I'm tired of being weak. I'm not going to let anyone in to hurt me anymore when they leave."

"Julia," She sighs shaking her head.

"It's okay, Nyah. It is what it is. This is the life I was meant for apparently. What I was born for. Everything happens for a reason, right?" I give her a small smile, "So I must be here for a reason. This is the life I'm meant to live."

"I don't believe that. You're meant for so much more."

"No, I'm not. Everyone kept telling me I was the exception and that gave me hope. Hope for a better future. Hope for a better life than the one I'm living. Hope that things would change so that somehow, someway, maybe one day I could actually be with the man I love and have a normal life and future. But that is the danger of hope. It's not real. Things aren't going to change. This is just the way they are."

"You're breaking my heart telling me this. Your hope gave me hope, Julia and now you're just giving up." She starts crying. "You're the one that has kept me sane, kept me going all these years in our messed up world. As a team, we have purpose and goals and dreams. We could do anything."

"And we still can. We're still a team. We're going to be the best team this Council as ever seen!" I smile wrapping her into a tight hug. "Don't worry so much. It will be okay. You'll see." I kiss her head and pull back with a smile. "It will."

She sits in silence on the edge of the bed watching me blow dry my hair and then wrap it up into a tight French Twist, back in mission mode. I know that I'll only be with Marie long enough to receive all the Intel and new mission directives before I'm off again. Until I can swing by my flat in London on the way through and grab more clothes, this will have to do.

"Don't look so glum." I tease her with a smile, finished and ready to go. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you very soon."

We walk silently down the dim lit hallway and come face to face with Ares carrying Cassiopeia coming towards us. She's wrapped in a quilted blanket in his arms and my backpack is dangling off the end of his one finger. He holds it out to me. I'd honestly forgot I'd left it behind.

"Thank you, sir." I respond with the proper amount of respect, given he is my senior officer and we're all back to the way it was before. I don't say anything else as I bound down the steps before them and when we hit the bottom, those waiting on us file in from all sides. Katherine, Mikael, and Lady Marie are waiting near the door and Marna and Maria join quickly from the side. They don't look happy at all about this departure.

"Julia, where were you?" Maria asks running her hand down my arm in obvious concern. She's been out running by the looks of it, looking for me. Guilt washes over me immediately. I do feel awful for not telling her at least where I was going.

"I needed to run." I answer her quietly, looking her in the eye, as I know she knows what that means. When things become too unbearable, sometimes you just need to run. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before I left."

"It's alright. I understand." She looks me over as if searching for some kind of proof I'm okay now. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, ma'am. Thank you." I answer her and see the immediate flinch and pinching of her eyebrows that I'm calling her ma'am again. Her eyes drift over my shoulder to Ares standing behind me holding Cassiopeia, who is awake for the first time now in Maria's presence. Maria's eyes slide back to mine and I can tell she understands the shift in demeanor.

"Casey," She squeezes my shoulder and steps to the side to get a better look at her other child. "I'm glad to see you awake and still very much alive." She can't help but offer a small smile and I see her hand roll into a clenched fist. She's trying to control her emotions and not cry or even well tears, knowing how much Cassiopeia can't handle it.

"Thank you for allowing this intrusion into your life, ma'am. I'm sorry for any inconvenience." Cassiopeia responds in her whispering voice, still strangled and fatigued from what she's been through.

"You are never an inconvenience, Casey. And you are always welcome here. Always." Maria's voice falters slightly. "Both of you." She shifts her gaze towards Ares and smiles. Extending the invitation to him as well and acknowledging, even if they won't, who he is in her life and if he means something to Cassiopeia, he means something to her as well.

"Thank you, ma'am." Ares responds quietly. I can tell he can't wait to leave this situation and yet he holds onto Cassiopeia more tightly knowing they are about to part the moment they do.

"We should get going." Katherine speaks stepping forward. She looks entirely uncomfortable with the exchange happening before her eyes. I'm sure it's incredibly strange for her to witness the giant void between Cassiopeia and Maria, the woman I know Katherine knows is her actual mother, given her close relationship with her own daughter, Kelsi. It's a glimpse into the other side of her world in The Council I'm sure she rarely sees. The side where we are real human beings are torn from real families to become their weapons for war.

"Take care of yourself." Maria disregards the boundary I tried to establish now that Cassiopeia is awake and launches in for a tight hug. She holds me tightly for a long moment and then kisses the side of my head before grasping my face in her hands. "I mean it. Take care of yourself."

"I will." I promise and then remember the boundary I'm supposed to maintain. "Ma'am." I add and can't stop the slight smile in my lips when she narrows her brow and shakes her head at me.

"I love you, Julia." She says for the first time and I feel my heart drop into my stomach. She's cupping my face again so I can't look away as she's making this declaration in front of everyone. "Thank you for refusing to give up. Thank you for finding her." Her eyes shift over my shoulder to stare at Cassiopeia, long and hard. She's conveying the same message to her right now as she just did to me, only without words. I love you and take care of yourself.

Maria looks back at me and smiles, then leans forward and kisses my forehead. "Be safe." She blesses me and then Marna moves in, doing the same. Since Maria has broken the barrier, she must feel it's okay, too and I can't help but smile when she kisses me twice rapidly on the side of my head and then smiles straightening a few stray hairs by pushing them behind my ear.

"Goodbye Marna. Maria." I look at them both. "Thank you. For everything."

"I'll see you soon." Nyah is next, swooping in beside me, she hugs me tightly and I her. I know I'll talk to her again at some point in the next couple of days, before I head back into Russia and so our goodbye is much more brief. It's only temporary.

The rest exchange their pleasantries and goodbyes and we walk outside into the cold to load up into the limo waiting to take us all to the airstrip where we'll board our separate planes.

We pile inside and sit in silence as we ride the short distance to the private landing strip on the estate where the two private jets await.

"We will give you a moment to get her settled." Lady Marie surprises us all when Ares pulls Cassiopeia into his arms from the car. She's nodding towards the plane. She's granting them a moment to say goodbye in privacy, while she waits outside in the blowing snow with the rest of us. It's shocking and also revealing yet again, about how much this woman actually does care for her estranged eldest grandchild.

"Thank you, ma'am." Ares thanks her graciously and turns around to board the plane. We wait in silence listening to the winds howl through the roaring engines and see Ares through the jet windows settling Cassiopeia into one of the seats. The care he takes in buckling her in and covering her up, making sure her IVs are okay hanging from above, it's obvious how much he loves her. When he moves in to kiss her, we all look away. They've been through too much to be a voyeur in their goodbye. It is a forbidden love we all know exists and yet will deny if asked. Just like they do.

Ares bounces down the steps moments later and heads straight for us.

"Are you ready then?" Katherine asks him with a smile.

"Yes, ma'am." He nods rubbing his hands together in the cold.

"Julia, it's been a pleasure. I hope to see you again sometime soon." She smiles at me and reaches in for a hug. I can see the others are surprised by it but I'm used to it now after her doing so twice before. My vision over her shoulder lands on Cassiopeia. She's watching the exchange through the small window onboard the jet. "Take care now." Katherine whispers before letting go, "Be safe."

"I will, ma'am." I smile at her.

"You're not coming with us?" Ares asks confused. "I thought you were returning with us to the States."

"Change of plans, sir." I answer him shifting on me feet. My eyes drift from his towards Cassiopeia looking out at us. "It seems I'm no longer needed."

"Then where are you going?" He asks still confused as I'm here standing at the tarmac with them.

"She's going back to Russia." Mikael informs him unhappily. "To finish this for her." He nods towards Cassiopeia in the plane, obviously blaming her already for my choice. He's not entirely wrong but I'm not about to admit that given his dislike for her already.

"Julia," Ares looks immediately concerned.

"I'll be fine." I smile at him, "I had the best teacher." I nod towards Cassiopeia on the plane. "Don't worry. Just take care of her."

He nods once staring at me and then lunges, grabbing me so quickly he lifts me off my feet with his giant frame and holds me in the air against his chest in a crushing hug. I'm in shock and at a loss for words. He's never shaken my hand or even given me a high five in all the years I've known him. Beat me, yes, in our formative training years but I've never seen him hug anyone in my life let alone experience it. "You saved my everything." He whispers into my ear and my heart melts feeling his gratitude. "Thank you, Julia. I'll never forget this. I will owe you for eternity."

"Just take care of her." I whisper back. I know the others can hear us even though we're whispering standing so close but it doesn't matter. The whispers are meant for each other, having nothing to do with being heard. We're saying things in those whispers we don't otherwise have the courage to say out loud and in normal circumstances.

I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on tightly, hugging him back. His arms hold me more tightly for a long moment and then he sets me back on the ground.

His big strong hands cup the sides of my face with a smile. "Always." He answers implying he always intends to take care of my mentor. When I nod slightly against his palms, he kisses my forehead and then lets me go.

"Take care of yourself, Julia Taylor." He commands in the tone I'm used to and then a hint of a smile crosses his face again.

"Yes, sir." I mock salute him and he steps further away.

He and Katherine walk side by side towards their own jet and we head towards Lady Marie's. When we step inside, I take note they've purposefully lowered the lights in the main cabin to protect Cassiopeia's eyes.

"Mikael, you're going to sit up here by me. We have some things we need to discuss regarding your choices." Lady Marie gives her own commands once we're on the plane. She ushers him to take a seat in the large leather chair beside her in the front of the plane and waves me back to the back behind the curtain where Cassiopeia is resting.

Cassiopeia looks perplexed and even angry when I come through the curtain and take the seat beside her.

"What are you doing here, Julia?" She asks in a hushed whisper as I buckle in. "I thought you were going back to Langley?"

"Turns out I wasn't needed there, ma'am." I answer without looking at her. "Don't worry, I won't be visiting you in the hospital in London, either." I can't help the hurt and anger sliding into my tone and I close my eyes immediately turning my gaze even further away looking out the window beside me. "I'll be much too far away. I'm headed back to Russia."

"Julia," She gasps instantly, unhappy. "Julia!" She says more urgently and when I still won't look at her she reaches over the space between us and grabs my forearm. Her normal death squeeze doesn't have its usual kick considering her current weakened state. "Julia, look at me." She demands in that tone I can't refuse.

Slowly, I turn my gaze back to look at her. Her big blues eyes are still muted shades of grey in this dim light. "What are you doing?" She asks concerned about what I'm up to.

"I told you once, I'm all grown up. You needn't worry what I'm up to anymore, General." I remind her of what I said that day I passed her baby back into her arms. "You have other people and things more important to concern yourself with. I'll be fine. You trained me well and I'm quite capable. I'd have thought my history over the past year where you're concerned, has proven that time and again." I look away again.

"Julia, look at me." She orders again and when my eyes meet hers' she's clearly upset. So much so, I can actually see it in her eyes and all over her features. Fear, worry, sadness, anger, frustration… It's all right there on her face and I can feel it coming off of her in waves. Her walls are completely down in this moment unlike anything I have ever seen before. It's terrifying. "It's not that I don't want to see you or have you visit. Trust me when I say, the last thing I want to do is spend any more time alone right now after being in isolation. It's just that…The best way to keep those you love safe," She pauses looking right at me, "Is to keep them at arms length."

"Yes, I know. You've told me that before, General." I sigh in disbelief she's going over this again. Obviously not happy with the overt displays off affection most everyone surrounded me with from hugs to kisses in their goodbyes.

"No. You're not hearing me, Julia." She squeezes my arm the best she can with her finger and thumb trying to get me to look at her again. "The best way to keep those you love," She pauses again for a longer moment now, holding my gaze, "Safe, is to keep them at arms length." She holds the intense stare for a moment before dropping her gaze slowly to look at where her arm is reaching across the distance holding onto mine. "Do you understand now?" She asks looking back up to hold my gaze once more.

My heart is thundering so loudly in my ears, I feel temporarily deaf. I'm paralyzed in the moment having finally heard her and understanding what she's saying. She's just told me that she loves me without actually telling me she loves me. I knew that's what she did with the people she loved: Ares, Maria, the other First Gens but I'd never applied it to me. I knew she cared about me, trusted me but to hear her actually say, in not so many words, that she loves me…I can't stop the tears from welling no matter how hard I try. She's come back from the dead, is now telling me she loves me, even if she can't actually say the words, and I can't stop the tears. I quickly look away knowing she can't stand the sight of tears.

"Julia," She says again softer after a moment and this time when I turn to look at her, I can't stop the tears slipping one after the other down my cheeks. "I'm trying to keep you safe." Her voice is barely above a whisper. "Do you understand?"

"Yes. I understand, General." I answer quietly as tears drip from my chin.

"Casey." She says quietly. "When it's just us, in moments like these now, you can call me Casey."

My heart skips a beat and breath catches. "Casey." I repeat quietly and she nods ever so slightly, confirming what I know to be true. Only those she loves are allowed to call her Casey and she has just given me the permission to do so. I'm continually stunned when I see tears welling in her eyes for the first time in my life, and they're for me, hearing me say her name.

"I thought you said I was just a responsibility? A job obligation you were tasked with looking after?" I ask trying to stifle more tears at the sight of hers.

"What do you think?" She asks looking into my eyes with her own blurry ones and I see her first tear fall.

"I honestly don't know what to think anymore." I whisper inhaling a small sob. "I'm afraid to read too much into anything and be wrong."

"And what are you reading into this? At this moment?" She wipes at the tears on her face and so I do the same.

"That maybe, you might think of me as your sister in some way, too?" I shrug feeling a new round of tears forming with this admission.

"Do you really think I'd have trusted you with him if I didn't?" She confesses with a new round of tears welling in her eyes speaking of her baby and the trust she put in me. "Just because I cannot acknowledge something, doesn't mean I don't think it and feel it." She wipes at the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. "There are many things I wish were different, Julia. But they aren't. I must make due given the hand we've been dealt. I do the best I can with you and I know that's not enough."

"It's enough." I reach for her hand and squeeze it. "You've done enough. More than you ever had to. And now that I know," I choke back my tears thinking about finally having confirmation of how she feels about me, "It's enough, Casey." I say her name with a smile. "It's enough." I don't know if it was her time away or what she's been through that's changed her perspective where I'm concerned, but it feels like a life raft just as I'm about to drown. And looking into her eyes right now, I think I just may be her life raft in this moment, too.

"Not nearly enough for what you have done for me." She weakly squeezes my hand again and I can see she's actually exhausted. The emotional rollercoaster has taken its toll and she's growing weaker.

"You don't owe me anything. I already told you. You have other more important things to worry about now. Can we please just call it even? Pretend to be equals in moments like this at least?"

"In moments like this, we are equals, Julia. I thought I made that clear when I told you to call me Casey?" A ghost of a smile creeps across her face as she wipes the last of her tears away. Her neck too weak to hold up her head anymore, she lulls it back against the seat.

"I've learned never to assume too much where you're concerned. Except for my belief in you, that you weren't dead." I wipe the last of my own tears as she pulls her hand away from my arm. "I can't explain it. I just knew."

"I can't either. I knew, too." She says even as her eyes are starting to fall shut of their own accord.

"Knew what?" I ask, confused.

"That it'd be you." She answers with eyes closed.

"That it'd be me?"

"That you were the one who'd come for me. I just knew." She says drifting off to sleep. "And you did. Exactly the way I dreamed you would."

She dreamed that I was the one to rescue her. No wonder she didn't know upon my arrival if I was real or not.

"Julia," She says in a near whisper after a long moment of silence. I'd thought she'd fallen asleep.

"Yes?"

"Thank you." She says in barely above a whisper with eyes still closed. A smile tugs at my lips. It's the second time in my life she's ever thanked me and if I'd known she was going to, I would have stopped her. Just as I had before. I don't want to be thanked for saving her life. It feels wrong but in her stubborn way, she found a way to say it any way.

The rise and fall of her chest has evened out completely and I know she's already in a deep sleep. She's been through a lot today for her first day being conscious. Leaning over the space between us, I cover her arm that she'd reached out from beneath the blankets to hold onto me. Her skin still feels like ice. The rush of emotions still flowing through me is overwhelming. Taking a page out of Maria's book, I lean over and kiss her forehead while she's unconscious. "You're welcome. Casey." I smile whispering back. "And I love you, too."

The rest of the flight is spent in silence and when we land, Casey's head had has slowly drifted over onto my shoulder in her sleep. I haven't bothered to move it, thankful for any contact with her after believing she was dead for so long.

When the plane comes to a full stop, Mikael appears behind the curtain. He pauses momentarily at the image of us before him. Casey's bald and battered head, asleep on my shoulder and my sitting beside her in battle fatigues.

I move to unbuckle myself and he steps forward reaching for hers.'

"Grand MaMa wants me to carry her out." He informs me, not looking very happy about it. "Said I need to actually feel the repercussions of my poor decision making. I still disagree." He speaks quietly as I move so he can lift Casey up. "I saved you from this."

"Maybe you did." I look him in the eye, adjusting her head carefully against his shoulder when she's in his arms. She's not just asleep anymore. She's gone back to being unconscious. "But it doesn't justify this, Mikael. Nothing justifies this."

"No. It doesn't." He agrees quietly in obvious distress and discomfort feeling how light she is in his arms. Her fuzzy bald head brushing against his cheek now as he settles her into his arms. "If there was another way, I would have done it. I swear to you, I had no idea they were doing this to her."

"I believe you didn't know they were starving her to death." I honestly do believe that. "But I don't believe that even if you had, you'd have told me, would you?" I know that in his overwhelming need to protect me, he would have let her die so as not to involve me.

"No, I probably wouldn't have." He admits quietly, "But I would have found a way. I'd have done something for her. I know how much she means to you."

"I love her, Mikael. She's my sister." I'm not shy about admitting it now. Too much has happened.

"And do you still love me?" He asks with big blue eyes penetrating mine.

"Loving you has never been the problem." I sigh shaking my head. "Your position as Ulric's heir is the problem."
"I can't change that, Julia." He looks at me helplessly.

"I know. And that is why we cannot be anything more than friends." I acknowledge sadly, leaning forward on my tiptoes to place a soft kiss beside his lips.

There is nothing more to say on the subject. I spin around and lead them out of the plane where Lady Marie is already waiting inside the limo. We slide in beside her in silence and make our way through the city, ending up in a hospital parking garage somewhere near Kensington. I follow them in silence as we ride down to apparent secret sublevels of this building and emerge in a brightly lit hospital wing that is waiting for us on standby.

"What is this place?" I ask Mikael quietly as he sets Casey down carefully onto a hospital bed.

"A secret, secured medical wing for heirs, royalty, and other world leaders whose care and lives cannot be trusted even in the most secure above ground facilities." He informs me as we step back and watch a flock of nurses and doctors move in on Casey. His eyes shift to mine, "She's the first exception. Grand MaMa insisted."

The nurses have started stripping Casey's flannel pajamas off and expose her startling condition to him and Marie for the first time in brightly lit conditions. Casey is merely a skeleton covered in skin. I cannot stop the surge of new tears looking at her.

"She didn't deserve this." I whisper through blinding tears I'm trying to hold back. "How long?" I turn my attention to the doctor beside us. "How long do you think she'll need to be here?"

"It is going to take at least three weeks of constant NG tube feedings just to bring her organs and hormones back into a normal balance. Until that happens, she won't be making any fat to rebuild her body. According to her weight," He glances at the scale numbers built into this high tech bed, "She weighs approximately 31 kilos. I would expect her to gain weight at approximately a half kilo a week."

"A pound a week? That's it?" I'm horrified and astonished at how long this is going to take doing the conversions in my head. "She only weighs 70lbs right now at 5'll. That's half of what she used to weigh. She was 135 lbs of pure muscle before this. That's a 65lb weight loss. It will be over a year before she's close to being back at that weight and condition." New tears flood my eyes in thinking about all this. "She'll lose her mind being kept in a hospital that long. Especially after being isolated in a prison cell for the last six months."

Marie and Mikael look equally shocked and dismayed by this news.

"As long as her organs are performing at acceptable levels, and her rate of gain continues in a healthy manner, I don't see any reason why we'd need to keep her here after she's gained 30 lbs or so, and allow her to continue healing at home. So long as she returns for outpatient therapy to monitor her progress." He smiles at me trying to offer some bit of hope.

"30 lbs is 30 weeks." I can't wrap my head around this. "That's still almost eight months in a hospital." I think of Alexei and how she wouldn't be able to see him at all while she's still contained in such a public Council space and my heart shatters at the thought of them being separated any longer. As if the universe is hearing my thoughts and feeling my pain, a nurse steps forward and hands to me the photo of Alexei I'd given Casey. She'd placed it into her pajama top pocket, right over her heart. Tears are immediately coursing down my cheeks as I look at his sweet little face and then hers.

"I'm sorry for the troubling news but she is in seriously grave danger. Her organs have no doubt begun shutting down at this point. Her kidney, liver, everything will take serious medicine, monitoring and care to insure she recovers."

Marie holds her hand out, wanting to look at the photograph the nurse has handed me and I have no choice but to comply. I pass it over via Mikael, who glances down and sees the baby's face as well before passing it to his grandmother. I know he's surprised to see the baby everyone talks about but no one ever sees. This photo and the fact Casey had it on her person makes Alexei real. Not just Council Property that had been traded to Pavlov like his mother. Alexei was a real, adorable, healthy little baby. Her baby.

"That's too long." I cry in a whisper, looking at the photo in her hand and then towards Casey getting settled and hooked up in her new bed. "It's already been too long apart for them."

"She needs to get well." Marie hands the photo back to me with an authoritative tone. "That is the first priority. Everything else can be reassessed in due time."

Casey's body lurches violently and starts shaking uncontrollably.

"She's having a seizure." The nurse announces with wide eyes and everyone jumps into action while Casey convulses.

"My God," Mikael gasps beside me seeing her body shaking and bloody foam coming from her mouth.

"Check her phosphate and potassium levels." The doctor orders while several nurses and orderlies try to restrain Casey.

"Please don't die now." I quietly beg her and pray. "I should have brought her in sooner." I damn myself for not realizing how critical time really was in factoring into her care. "I gave her an IV as soon as I could."

"How long ago did you start this?" The doctor demands.

"Three days almost four. She's been on nutrition supplements the last 36 hours or so. Was that not the right thing to do?"

Mikael wraps his arm around my shoulders trying to comfort me as we watch them work on her.

"It was the right move. She may not have made it this long without it." The nurse tries to assure me with a soft smile. "But given her condition it's caused an unstable imbalance with her electrolytes given the introduction of new nutrients into her dying body."

"Her heart is in Afib." Another nurse announces nodding at the monitors showing Casey's heart beating erratically.

"It has to be a carefully monitored and administered reintroduction of any nutrient into her body by medical professionals." The doctor seems very concerned and upset even, that we didn't bring her in sooner.

"Is she going to make it?" I ask in horror and disbelief. She seemed ok when we brought her in and now everything was falling apart. The thought that my giving her electrolytes and nutrition might actually be the cause of all this now, killing her, is too much. I thought I was doing the right thing. I should have listened to Maria and Marna. This is way beyond our limited medical knowledge when it comes to repairing bullet wounds and broken bones.

"I don't know." The doctor answers me bluntly, continuing to work on her without even looking up at us.

"Oh my God," I gasp in horror and turn into Mikael's chest, covering my mouth trying not to sob.

"It's going to be a long night." The doctor adds. "I can't give any further information until we can run tests and determine the damage of what's been done and where she stands right now." He turns around to look at all three of us and lands on Marie. "If you wouldn't mind please, ma'am. I need to clear this room for medical personnel only. There is a Waiting Room down the hall you'll be more comfortable in or you can leave and we will keep you updated."

"I'm not leaving." I profess immediately.

"Julia, you are leaving. Right now. You are not in control of your emotions and you need to leave." Lady Marie commands finally saying something about my rampant tears and outspoken behavior this evening. I've thrown all protocol and decorum out the window where Casey is concerned. "I will stay with her and update the two of you. Mikael, take her with you. This is not up for debate. This is an order. I will speak with you in the morning regarding the mission." She waves her hand dismissing me.

All I can do is look helplessly at Casey's emaciated form, still shaking in unconsciousness while Mikael tries to usher me out of the room. They're not even going to let me say goodbye. She might die for real this time and I won't be here.

I'm furious as we leave and sit in silence the entire way back to our flat. This can't possibly be happening. After everything, she can't die now. This day has been an impossible rollercoaster of drastic emotions. I wake to find Cassiopeia is conscious and looking at me, talking to me and I'm elated. Then she sends me into a pivoting spiral by pushing me away, manages to bring me back to immense highs by telling me she loves me without so many words, and after nearly 20 years together, allows me to call her Casey, claiming me as her sister in secret before plummeting back to death's doorstep and leaving me completely shattered inside. I feel like everything inside me is coming apart and I'm hemorrhaging inside.

Mikael's phone rings and he answers it. I can tell immediately its' Ulric by the way he's speaking. "Yes. She's checked in." He pauses a beat while Ulric speaks. "Not well. She plummeted after we arrived. She was convulsing with a seizure and in cardiac fibrillation when we left. The doctor said he didn't know if she would make it through the night." He shifts uncomfortably next to me in the car. I can hear Ulric's outrage on the other end, screaming obscenities in mostly incoherent form though I hear Pavlov's name from time to time come through. Of course he's not taking any of the blame for this himself. And then I hear my name. "She's with me now. We're going home for the night. Grandmother insisted. She's sending Julia back to Russia in the morning." He pauses a beat and looks at me, "She volunteered." He's quiet again for a long time as Ulric speaks and then, "If she survives, he said it'd be more than a year before she's back to her former self and 8 months at least before she's ready to leave the facility. The organ damage seems quite severe." He's speaking about Casey again and this time Ulric is nearly silent on the other end. "I'll call you as soon as Grandmother delivers an update." He promises and ends the call.

"Of course you'd be his spy in this." I hiss at him, turning to look out the window.

"Julia, I have to tell him these things." He sighs, "Did you notice what I didn't tell him?"

"And what's that?" I ask turning my attention back to him. It's hard to keep the sarcasm from my tone. "I think you told him everything."

"Not everything." He argues. "I've never said a thing about Ares arrival, or Katherine's, or the fact that my grandmother looked the other way today so they could spend the day together. All things he would have forbidden."

He's right. Ulric would have forbidden it and Mikael didn't say anything. Such a complicated mess we've ended up in. Which truth and lies we must keep and tell. Tears well in my eyes once more and I turn away. I can't stand to look at him. It hurts too much. I want to slap him and kiss him simultaneously. We enter our flat in silence and I don't stop walking heading straight for the bathroom. I've already taken a shower once this evening but right now, it's not about getting clean. It's about finding a safe place to let out all the emotions I'm forbidden from expressing in public and have a good cry.

The water is scalding hot this time as it cascades over me and I sink to my knees and cry. A loud wailing sob erupts from within over everything that has happened and is still happening now. No matter what I do, it never seems to be good enough. And now she still might die. I ball my hands into fists and scream, pounding the wall in front of me repeatedly as my forehead rests against the cold tiles. The water is burning my back and steam fills the large glass enclosure as I cry. A cold rush of air sweeps around me and I feel Mikael's arms trying to lift me from the floor. I'm furious and crying when he whirls me around, naked in his arms and find him the same.

"No!" I scream at him, wanting to be alone and especially not naked, so close to him when I'm trying so hard to push him away. "Let me go!" I sob pounding my fists against his chest.

"No." He refuses, holding me more tightly and I see the tears in his eyes. "I'm not letting go." I slap him hard across the face and try to push him back but he remains steadfast. "I'm not letting go, Julia. You can hit me all you want." I inhale a sob. He knows I need this physical release just as much as anything. I don't want to hit him or hurt him. I just want him to let me go.

"Please, just let me go." I beg through rampant tears. His lips are fused to mine with an urgent kiss, stopping anymore of my verbal protests. He lifts me off the ground and pushes us back against the tiles, bracing me and pinning me there until he feels me relax in his grip.

"I love you." He whispers against my face as he breaks the kiss, his big blue eyes holding fast to mine. "That's never going to change, even if we do." His mouth is fused to mine once more and then working its way down my neck in a furious fashion. Hands are pawing and gripping roughly, almost painfully as we battle through everything between us and all that's happened. His strong hands lift me against him and in one rapid thrust, he's buried deep inside, stealing my breath through rampant tears. It's rough and rapid, primal and all consuming. Just the way I need it to be. I can't think about anything else. If I do, it feels like goodbye. We exhaust ourselves through the night with sex and tequila and eventually pass out in the early hours of morning.

---

A faint buzzing sound coming from somewhere rouses me from sleep and I groggily open my eyes. I'm asleep sprawled over his chest and sit up warily trying to orientate myself while the world is spinning. His phone is vibrating against the nightstand and I reach for it on instinct.

The Caller ID says it's 5AM and 'Grand MaMa' as the caller. I'm fully awake now with pounding heart knowing it's an update on Casey. I don't feel the disconnection in my heart if she were gone, so I have to believe she made it through the night.

"Mikael," I shake his shoulder trying to wake him from where I still sit perched over his body. "It's your grandmother." I tell him as he slowly wipes the sleep from his face.

"Hello?" He answers groggily rubbing his eyes. "Yes, she's here." He looks up at me with a soft smile, his fingers lazily trail down the naked flesh of my side until his hand is resting over my thigh, hovering just above his pelvis. I can feel his morning wood and arousal, but now is not the time. I swat his hand away with narrowed brows and he smiles.

"GrandMaMa says she's okay. She made it through the night and is doing well. She was even conscious again for a little bit and just recently went back to sleep. Her levels are evening out and they think she's out of the woods." He informs me happily and I breathe a huge sigh of relief. This time happy tears fill my eyes and I smile back at him.

"May I please come see her before I leave? I just want to say goodbye." I beg him to ask her.

"Julia wants to know if she has permission to stop by and say goodbye before she leaves." He relays for me and then his face falls slightly. "I see." He answers her, shaking his head slightly no at me. "Yes, GrandMaMa, I'll inform her." He pauses, "I'll see you later." And that's it. He hangs up.

"She won't let me see her?" I feel deflated instantly.

"No. I'm sorry. She said you need to be on the 7 am flight to Moscow out of Heathrow. Which means you need to leave now." He brushes his hands down my thighs again looking up at me. "She hasn't the time to debrief given the current situation with Cassiopeia, so she'll have her Second contact you when you land in Moscow."

"But she's okay?" I try to focus on the bright spots of this news. "She's really okay?"

"Yes." He smiles at me. "She's really okay."

"Oh, thank God." My hands fold in silent prayer before my face and I let go of the breath I've been holding since the phone rang. "Thank you." I close my eyes, taking in this moment and then bounce off the bed.

"Whoa," He sits ups watching me fly around the room. "You're just out the door. Just like that?" I'm gathering clothes from various dressers and throwing them into a bag.

"I'm going to be late." I look at the clock. "Heathrow always has impossible traffic and wait times. I should have been there an hour ago. I'm probably going to miss my flight."

"So we'll take my bike." He smiles offering a solution to the traffic situation.

"I'm driving." I smile at him and he laughs, knowing my driving abilities far exceed his when it comes to motorcycles and city driving. "Hurry up." I add throwing a pair of jeans at him.

"I can't move that fast when I'm like this." He waves towards his bulging crotch, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"You moved fast enough last night like that." I counter without looking at him. Still flinging things into my bag.

"Ah, yes. But I resolved the matter with a rather pleasant release in the shower, if you recall?" He teases me.

"So take another shower." I rummage through my secret desk drawer, looking for the Russian passport I want to use out of the many I have stored in this particular location. "A cold one." I flash my dark eyes at him with a smile. "Hurry up!" I urge him to move. "I'm not kidding. I'm going to miss this flight if we don't get moving."

I have just enough to pack my things and grab a bite to eat for breakfast while he showers and then we're out the door.

"I'm driving." He snatches the keys from me and straddles the black superbike with a smile. "Get on." He commands revving the engine and putting his helmet on. I slip my backpack around my shoulders, secure my own helmet, and climb on behind him. "Hang on." He revs the engine, squealing the tire and we're off. His driving skills are continuously improving and I'm impressed at the ease and speed at which he delivers us to Heathrow in record time.

"You're getting better at this." I smile climbing off the back and handing him the helmet as he drops me on the curb.

"I'm learning. Slowly, but learning." He smiles back at me strapping the extra helmet onto the back and removing his own. He looks at me thoughtfully for a long minute as I adjust my bag and shift my long hair over my shoulder. "Everything is going to be different the next time I see you. Isn't it." He says as a statement more than a question. He felt the same way I had last night. That it really was the end of something more between us.

"Yes." I answer him honestly.

"I'll have my things moved out by the time you return." He nods sadly and then smiles at me. "Be safe."

I lean forward quickly, kissing his lips in one last lingering kiss. "You too." I whisper not knowing when I'll see him next. "Take of yourself." I start walking away when he calls out to me.

"Julia."

I turn around without saying anything and look at him.

"I love you." He says with a sad smile. It's the last time he's saying it so openly as we've been accustomed to.

"I love you, too." I answer him and then keep walking. When I return, these are things we cannot say to each other anymore if we're to remain friends and move forward. Even if we still feel them. The end of another chapter in my life has come. And as I board my plane bound for Russia, another one is just beginning.

It's seven months before I see him again.