Third Chapter up today! And finally, we meet Henry!- Wild
The Prince and The Spy
December 15th, 2000
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
My sixth sense is perfectly attuned these days and when I turn around, my gaze lands right on her, staring at me from beneath her beach umbrella. Her golden aviators perched upon her nose, I cannot see her eyes but I know she's watching us like a hawk. She has been all day.
"I think I better go in now." I turn my attention back to Henry. His hand's are still dancing over the naked flesh of my lower back as waves lap up against us, shifting us back and forth in the water in a rhythmic motion that has us brushing against each other, igniting the heat between us.
"Why?" He pouts, pulling me closer to him immediately. "I think things were just starting to get interesting." His thumb rubs suggestively down my spine, dangerously close to the top of my bikini bottoms.
"They are." I smile when a wave rocks us again and pushes us even closer together. I can feel his raging hard on for me through his board shorts beneath the water. My body feels on fire with his every touch and look into my eyes. "That's the problem." I swallow the lump in my throat looking up at him. "We can't do this right now, Henry. You promised, remember? We'd keep this between us."
"I don't care anymore, Jules, who sees us or what they may say." The intensity of his gaze looking into my eyes fans the flame inside. Another wave has him rubbing against my lower abdomen driving us both mad. His voice drops an octave, "Let them talk. I want you and I don't care if the whole world knows it."
"You're not thinking clearly, Henry." I smile looking away back towards the beach where she's still watching us. "You do care if the world knows. Your family certainly would."
"I don't care what they think, Jules. I mean it. Let them see." His fingers reach up to remove a wet strand of hair from across my cheek slowly. Eyes dropping to my lips, I know he wants to kiss me right now as badly as I want him to. "You have no idea how beautiful you are." He smiles dipping his head about to kiss me and I dodge, putting my hand on his chest and push back a little.
"Henry, we can't do this." I shake my head slowly. "Not when anyone else is around." I take another step back until we're no longer touching. My hands skim over the surface of the water. "Just be patient." I smile at him walking backwards towards the shore. "I'll make it up to you tonight. I promise." The twinkling in my eyes and the tone of my voice are teasing, I know it and when I bite my lip, he twitches with his whole body. I can't stop the laugh that escapes at his reaction to me. "Behave." I warn him with the same twinkling eyes. "Remember. We're friends. Nothing more."
"Right." He can't stop staring at me, remaining frozen as I inch away.
"Maybe it's better if you just ignore me completely when I'm around." I suggest seeing he literally can't stop staring. "Henry." I say his name to catch his attention from where his eyes are roaming down the middle of my breasts and body. Wearing a bikini around him is a horrible idea when we're around others.
"Right. Ignore you." He repeats but still stares.
"I'll see you tonight." I whisper with a smile and then turn around, diving into the waves and let them carry me in further towards shore. When I pop up again, I stand and fix my suit top zeroing in on the perfect distraction. Alexei is playing before me in the sand and I run towards him the last few feet in a sneak attack, swooping him up into my arms, twirling him around and making him let loose in a peel of giggles.
"Aunty Juwia!" He continues to giggle as I smother his neck in kisses. His watchful mother nearby hasn't stopped following me with her eagle eyes but I try to ignore her and concentrate on the sweet little boy in my arms.
"Do you want to go swimming with me?" I ask him knowing he'll seize every opportunity to do so.
"Yes!" He screams in delight as I carry him back towards the water.
"Hold on." I instruct him, shifting him to rest on my hip as we wade back into the water. The waves lapping at us start tickling his toes as we go deeper and he's laughing hysterically in glee. This kid loves the water. A natural born fish just like his mother. A big wave starts rolling in and Alexei squeals, turning in my arms and wrapping his tightly around my neck, simultaneously laughing and screaming as I duck down and the wave rolls over us. When we pop up, he wipes the water from his eyes and then starts clapping saying, "More!" in a repeated chant. He could play this game for hours and I'll happily oblige. Nyah slowly makes her way towards us after 20 minutes and when she's very close, I turn towards her and yell, "Catch!"
"Argh!" She screams and lurches forward to grab Alexei hurdling towards her from where I've thrown him into the air in her direction. He's laughing his head off and she catches him just as he goes into the water. "More! More!" He keeps chanting, loving this game and so Nyah throws him back. I catch him just as he dips into the water again and get the same reaction.
"She's watching you, you know?" Nyah finally says quietly as we close the distance and our tosses get shorter.
"I know." I answer her sputtering in the water, avoiding where she's watching from the beach.
"Is that why we're playing catch with her baby?" She laughs at Alexei's face before launching him back at me. "I think you might give her a heart attack throwing him into the air like that again." She adds when I toss Alexei above my head and catch him again.
"Payback for throwing us in the pool." I laugh and then smother him in kisses. "He loves this!" I counter, "Look at him!" Alexei keeps chanting, "More!"
"He might love it. I don't know that she does." Nyah motions with her eyes over her shoulder as we start swimming in circles around each other, passing Alexei back and forth between us. He's trying to swim with his tiny arms and legs kicking about.
"She's okay with it. She'd have yelled at me by now if she wasn't." I laugh when Alexei splashes at me laughing.
"Have you noticed how quiet she's been today?" Nyah's eyebrows rise. "Almost silent. It's creepy. Reminds me of the old Cassiopeia."
"I have noticed." I sigh but keep smiling because I know she's still watching and likely reading our lips, which is why we keep swimming in a circle, cutting off her view as he rotate past each other. She's the one who taught us how to do this. Where the one asking and answering questions always has their back to the beach and would be lip-reader.
"You think she knows about you and Henry?" Nyah asks with eyes drifting over to where Henry has joined the others surfing the small outcrop of waves coming around the point.
"Yes. I think that's a fair assumption given her silence and concentrated stare." I smile making silly faces at Alexei in my arms. He thinks I'm the most hilarious person ever and never stops laughing around me these last few days.
"What are you going to tell her?" Nyah smiles and then makes a face at Alexei sending him into hysteria again. He reaches out his arms towards her and I push him gently towards her so that he only has to swim one or two strokes before she grabs him. He's getting so good at actually swimming, it's kind of scary. All the time in the pool at Marie's estate this past summer has turned him into a water baby.
"The truth." I answer honestly. "If she asks."
"And what is that?" Nyah hedges carefully. "Things seem to be changing daily between you two."
"It's just some South American summer fun. For us both. We're well aware it can't be anything more than that."
"Are you sure, Jules, because," She pauses sending Alexei back my way, "I'm pretty certain he's fallen completely in love with you. He can't stop looking at you. All the time. And when you're not around, he asks about you constantly. Talks about you constantly." Her big darks are full of both excitement and concern as she relays this information to me. "He's asked me a million questions about you."
"He likes the sex, Nyah." I laugh shaking my head and brushing off her concerns. I can't afford to think too much about them. "I'm pretty sure I've done things to him that no else has." I make another face at Alexei and am thankful he hasn't a clue as to what we're talking about. "One of the perks of our training." I waggle my eyebrows at her with a smile.
"Julia, please forgive me for asking? I'm not trying to be rude. But I have to know." Mikael's friend, Elizabeth, from London suddenly speaks as we're all sitting around the bonfire. The sun is a brilliant hot pink on the horizon. A gorgeous end to a perfect day. "How did you get those absolutely horrid scars?" She nods towards my torso and everyone else looks as equally intrigued and terrified she's actually asked me. Casey, Ares, Isis and Thor all tense a bit with shifting eyes knowing the real story. Nyah's eyes widen, as do Mikael's and they both shift nervously in their seats. "Were you in an automobile accident or something?" She asks and offers me the perfect explanation since she suggested it.
"Ah, yes." I smile at her, poking my stick into the fire stoking the flames. "I was in a car accident. About a year and a half ago." I can't help but keep smiling as Alexei makes a face at me from where he's sitting on Casey's lap. She's frozen in her movements. Completely unmoving and I know this is upsetting her greatly. Ares knows it too and slowly moves closer to her, reaching out to rest his hand on her lower arm and rubs his thumb back and forth subtly trying to soothe her.
"My God, I thought you must of. We were wondering earlier and that was the only plausible explanation." She motions to the group of friends around her. "It looks like you went through the windscreen or something. Either that, or were mauled by a giant cat on safari."
"That's exactly what happened." I smile and then laugh seeing their eyes widen. I'm going along with the details she's already giving me. "No, I wasn't mauled by a giant cat." I keep laughing realizing her last statement and the timing of my answer. "What I meant is," My fingers reach out to trace around my ribs below my bikini top where the raised flesh of horrific scars wrap around me like ribbons, "I went through the windscreen in a car accident."
"That's insane." Andrew pipes up sitting next to me and reaches out to touch them in his alcohol-fueled bravery. His fingertips graze over them gently, and my eyes catch Henry's across the fire. He looks equal parts furious and turned on watching Andrew fingers touching my skin through the flickering flames separating us.
"It almost looks like your skin is actually melted. Especially here." His fingers trail down my side to where I was first stabbed and then branded in the same session of torture.
"That was melted." I give him enough of the truth that they don't question the entire story. "I was thrown from the vehicle and landed on a hot exhaust pipe from another car. It was quite the accident. Big pile up."
"She's lucky to be alive." Mikael pipes up, taking a sip of his beer and angry eyes, flash across the fire towards Casey and Ares.
"It's nothing. Really." I assert immediately with a smile. "They're just scars and I don't mind them." My eyes catch with Casey, speaking to her. "They're a part of me and my life story. They're just scars."
"I think they look badass." Andrew smiles at me. "Hot." The men all seem to agree with head nodding and smiles. "I like a Bird with scars. Means you live an interesting life."
"You have no idea how interesting." His comment makes me laugh.
"Have you ever considered having surgery to help lessen them? Or try to remove them?" Elizabeth persists. Clearly she doesn't think they are as hot or attractive as the guys do.
"No. Never." I smile shaking my head. "They don't bother me at all. I'm very proud to bare these scars." This time, my sole focus is on the beautiful blonde boy in his mother's arms. "I'd endure that pain a million times over if I had to. The events of that day, led me here. And I love where I'm at right now in my life, so how could I ever regret that?" I smile at Alexei, then Casey and Ares and back to Lauren. "I'm not ashamed of them."
"And you shouldn't be. You're stunningly beautiful, Julia." Henry speaks up having been silent almost the entire time we've been around the fire. "Scars and all."
"I agree." Mikael smiles in agreement.
"Me too." Andrew, Collin, Magnus, Fredrik, and Phillip all voice at the same time and it comes out in a loud chorus making everyone laugh.
"Thank you." I smile looking around at them all but hold fast with Henry's for a moment longer than I should, I know, but I can't help it. When I glance back to Casey she's still watching us.
"You have so many scars." Andrew continues to marvel my body, being this close to me and seeing me mostly naked for the first time in a bathing suit. His fingers trail without invitation over every one his eyes can see. From the bullet graze on my side to the pucker of flesh on my shoulder and abdomen from bullet wounds. "Are these all from that accident?" His brows pinch a bit and he slurs his speech a little as the alcohol soaks in.
"Not all. I've picked them up here or there over the years." I feel Henry's eyes on me from across the fire, watching Andrew's fingers graze the bullet wound on the back of my shoulder, a favorite place for Henry's lips of late.
"And this one." Andrew asks with fingertip still sliding back and forth over the puckered flesh the size of a US nickel. "What's this from? It looks like a bullet wound."
"That's exactly what it is." I answer him smiling and see his eyes widen. They're all Council heirs even though they have no idea what really goes on behind the scenes. I don't mind telling them these details and give them a reality check.
"My God," He freaks out and moves in more closely to look at it. "What happened? Who shot you?"
"I was running away from a Drug Lord." I tell the truth and see all their eyes widen like white saucers around the fire. Isis and Thor share a glance having been the ones to send me on that mission. Using the neck of my beer bottle, I point towards the brightly lit mountain in the background. "In that favela, actually. That was the first time I was ever shot. I was fourteen."
"Holy shit." "Christ." Fuck me." Comes out of their mouths in a resounding chorus of shock and awe.
"That was really an eventful summer." I look at Casey and recall how she locked me in a shipping container with the dead on Ulric's orders. "Very eye opening." I tip my bottle towards her in mock salute and smile, letting her know I'm no longer mad at her for that.
"And how many times have you been shot, Julia? If that was your first." Elizabeth asks aghast.
"Honestly, I don't remember anymore." I shrug and look at Nyah having some fun with our audience. "A dozen maybe?"
"Maybe like ten or eleven?" She plays along pretending to ponder it with me and sees their eyes widen even further. "No, wait. I forgot about Dubai. That'd be like, a dozen. Yeah, a dozen." She smiles having fun with this as well.
"Well, I forgot to count Dubai, too. So including the one earlier this year, that's actually thirteen." I counter as though we're the only ones having this conversation and then turn to our captive audience. "So thirteen. I've been shot thirteen times, I guess."
"Jeezus Christ." Collin gasps. "How is that something you can forget?"
"I don't know. You just learn to stop keeping track, I guess." I shrug. "But you always remember your first." I smile and this time, my eyes catch with Mikael. He nods his bottle at me with a smile thinking about another 'first' that we'll never ever forget.
"That's incredibly fucking hot." Andrew is obviously turned on to hear how many times I've been shot and survived. "I'm not really sure about that." I shake my head thinking about what they find hot and fascinating compared to the real thing. "It hurts… a lot to be shot. I wouldn't recommend it."
"Yeah, but that's what makes you all the more tempting. Scars and bullet holes, Drug Lords and god knows what." Andrew shakes his head slowly, smiling with eyes of wonder and lust. "Like what's this one from?" His fingertips trail along my side again brushing over the puckered round flesh just below my breast. "It looks an awful lot like the one on your shoulder, so I'm guessing this is a bullet wound as well?" With both Casey and Henry sitting on the opposite side of the fire, I can see their reactions simultaneously. Both look like they have murderous intent in their eyes watching Andrew's grabby hands getting far too comfortable touching my naked skin.
"It is." I answer him honestly, thinking of that fateful bullet and where it led me. To Maria's house in Sweden and the revelation she aws my mother and Casey was my sister. "Russia." I elaborate. "Another very eventful and fateful scar that holds many memories."
"And this one? I know I saw one earlier in this area." His hand trails over my upper thigh, moving aside the sarong tied around my waist, and dangerously close to where it shouldn't be in order to reach the bullet wound on the inner part of my leg.
"I think that's enough of Touch and Tell for the day, Andrew." My hand reaches down and seizes his, stopping it from going any further. "If you keep going, you're going to end up on your back in the sand." I wrench his wrist back, smiling in warning, and he yelps, cries and laughs at the same time.
"Don't tease me!" He keeps smiling and waggles his eyebrows at me.
"I'm serious." I'm smiling but his drunken grabby hands are getting to be too much. He's having fun but I'm done. I'm honestly worried Casey may break his arms at any moment. Her protective big sister instincts have kicked in.
"Andrew." Mikael shoots him a warning glare. "Back off. She said to stop, okay mate? Take it easy." It's friendly but serious and effective. Andrew puts his hands up in surrender and scoots away from me a few inches, sipping on his beer like he's nursing it.
"I can't believe what you've been through, Julia." Lauren shakes her head sitting on the other side of Nyah. "What a terribly exciting life. It's like you're the female James Bond. You're so lucky."
Her comment causes me to snort my beer mid-sip and Nyah to spill hers, too. Only heirs would say I'm so lucky to be getting shot! "I'm not sure about being lucky, Lauren." I try to answer her calmly with a soft smile. "Maybe lucky that I'm not dead yet."
Mikael stands wiping the sand off his board shorts, "If we want to have dinner and drinks out before we hit the club tonight, we'd best get going and get cleaned up." He suggests and eyes catch mine. He nods at me and I nod softly back. I'm thankful he's read the situation and is pulling his friends out before they say or do too much more in their drunken stupidity. The icy glares from the First Gens surrounding him have let him know it's time to move along. They're only putting up with all of them for my and Nyah's sake anyway. The group of friends pick themselves up and all their miscellaneous belongings and make their way loudly back to their house next to ours on this shared beach. Their entourage of security guards lurking in the dark perimeters follow them silently.
"What do you want to do for dinner?" Ares leans over Casey's chair and runs his hand over their little boy's blonde locks. "He's very tired." He smiles.
"He did a lot of swimming today." Casey answers him but is looking at me. I know that comment is meant to catch my attention. It's her hidden way of saying, yes, I saw you out there and know you were trying to avoid me. "Do you want to go out or stay in?" She asks him referring back to his original questions.
"I'm kind of looking forward to a nice chill evening for once. Enjoy the warm weather and beach before we have to go back to the cold." Ares suggests, reaching for Alexei. "I'll put him to bed."
"You guys could just grill." I offer, "We have everything in the fridge already. Help yourselves. You're more than welcome."
"He has to have a bath first." Casey helps to shuffle her tired son into his arms.
"I'll give him one." I offer with a smile, reaching my arms out to him and Alexei instantly diverts his attention from Ares, to reach out to me. I'm not above using my nephew as a buffer right now with his mother. I know she's looking for the first opportunity she has to talk to me about Henry. "I don't mind." I smile when he wraps his arms around my neck and lays his head on my shoulder. "And that way you guys can get your dinner started."
"You're not staying to eat with us?" Isis asks with a curious smile.
"They invited us to eat with them," I answer shyly feeling all their gazes upon me, "and then we're all going to go out to the club." I see all their hesitation, sharing glances amongst each other. They don't like the idea that Nyah and I are hanging out with heirs.
"Okay." Isis nods and starts picking up their stuff around the outdoor fire pit. "I guess we won't see you then. We're leaving after dinner to go home and then we leave in the morning for Buenos Aires. We'll be there a week."
"Right." I nod remembering that plan. They live in Rio, being based here, but my assignment here is ending. "I guess I'll see you the next time around." My gaze shifts to Casey and Ares, "But I'll see you guys tomorrow, right? You're not leaving until Sunday."
"Change of plans." Casey lifts herself out of the beach chair and brushes herself off. "We'll be here for the rest of the week and fly back with you on Thursday."
"Oh." I'm stunned and when my eyes catch with Nyah, I know she is too. "Okay." Ares looks as surprised to hear this news as we do. Clearly, she just made this plan.
"Hope you don't mind the extra company." Casey smiles at me that devilish smile of sarcasm.
"No, we don't mind." I look at Nyah and she's shaking her head, she doesn't mind either. We both know exactly why they've extended their stay with us.
"You said you wanted to spend more time together, so, why not now?" Casey smiles with an all-knowing shrug. "Before I go back to work in the new year?"
"Yes, why not now?" I smile back at her. Touche, sister. "We'll have lots of fun and time together when I'm not working." I rub Alexei's back looking for an out, "I better get him in the tub. He's falling asleep on me."
"I'll help you." Casey smiles at me and my stomach drops to the floor. She's not letting me escape.
"Okay." I smile at her and start making my way towards the patio doors.
"Julia," Ares stops me with a gentle hand to the back of my arm. There's something in his tone that makes me take note. "It's long overdue." He says quietly with intense dark eyes. "I was never able to thank you before. For," His eyes glance down to the scars wrapping around my torso from torture and then to Alexei in my arms, "What you did for us."
"And you'll never have to thank me." I smile at him, reaching my hand out to grasp his forearm. I can't accept his thanks for returning Alexei anymore than I can from Casey. "Family helps family." I add quietly, "And besides, they're just scars." I smile more widely at him trying to make him feel more at ease with what happened to me. "And he's absolutely worth it." I kiss Alexei's sweet little head and hold him more tightly. Ares responds by tugging on my arm until he can kiss the side of my head. I won't let him say Thank You, but he's thanking me anyway.
We walk quietly into the house and up the stairs to where the bathroom is connected to their room. Without saying anything, Casey turns on the water to the tub and I strip Alexei from his beach clothes. He's babbling about his bath toys and excitedly jumping up and down, ready to get back in the water again. When the tub is filled and he is settled, we sit on the floor beside it and I wait for her to say something. Only she remains silent in a baffling move. She couldn't wait to get me alone and now that she has me, she's silent. Something isn't adding up and then I realize why. It was Ares.
The scar conversation and being reminded why I have them and his attempts to thank me. She must feel like she doesn't have the right to say anything to me right now in the form of a lecture. I lean forward, crossing my arms on the edge of the tub and see out of the corner of my eye, her eyes staring at my exposed scars, I know I'm right.
"Just say it." I prompt her. I can't stand the thought of her being silent because she feels guilty about what happened to me.
"Say what?" She asks pretending not to know.
"You don't have to feel guilty." I shift my head on my arms so that I can look at her. "I mean it. They're just scars and he's absolutely worth it. I'd let them torture me a million more times if it meant he gets the life he's having now, with you." I sigh and turn my head back, "So stop feeling guilty, please. Just say what I know you want to say."
"I don't have anything to say." She shrugs and sits back against the wall.
"Casey," I address her, "You've never been one to mince words. Not as my General at least, and I certainly don't want you to now as my sister. So go ahead, and lecture me. I've been waiting for it all day."
"I noticed." She shifts her feet on the tile, adjusting her arms, "Using my baby as your buffer."
I can't help but chuckle. There's the directness I was looking for. "So?"
"So?" She repeats with penetrating big blue eyes staring me down. "What's going on, Julia?"
"Nothing is going on. Not what you think, anyway."
"And what do think, I think is going on?" she turns it back on me. I know she's using her training trying to get me to give up more information than she has but it's not working.
"It's not like that."
"Like what?" She persists.
"With Henry." I finally just say it.
"What about Henry?"
"Are we going to keep talking in circles? Because I have to get ready eventually here." I sigh and sit back against the opposite wall to face her, our positions mirroring each other. "You seem to forget that you taught me everything you know." I smile at her.
"No, you seem to forget that I taught you, everything that you know." She smiles coyly at me, reminding me there is always more for her to teach me that I don't know yet.
"Touche." I nod in concession. "What would you like to know about Prince Henry?"
"Are you sleeping with him?" She doesn't pull any punches.
"I don't think I'd really call it sleeping." I smirk.
"Julia." She scolds me to be serious. I don't know why I bother to deny.
"We have had sex. Yes." I answer as diplomatically as possible.
"How often?"
"Quite."
"And what does it mean?"
"It doesn't mean anything. It's sex. Just a summer fling for him on holiday."
"And for you?" She catches my misstep immediately.
"The same. Just a fling while I'm down here on this assignment."
"It doesn't look like just a fling to me. Just sex."
"I know what I'm doing, Casey. It's okay."
"What is it with you and heirs?" She asks out right. "You are entertainment for them. Your wounds are amusing campfire stories. None of those boys deserve you, Julia. Why are you willing to be his summer plaything?"
"It's not like that with Henry. And it wasn't with Mikael, either."
"All he wants you for is sex. That makes you his play thing."
"Henry's not like that." I'm immediately on the defensive. "He doesn't just want me for sex."
"Ah," She sits forward slightly, "So it's not just sex for him then."
The moment it left my lips, I realized what I'd revealed. She has the uncanny ability of getting under my skin like no other.
"Do you remember when you told me it was just sex with Mikael?" She continues when I don't say anything. "You insisted it was just sex. But it wasn't. It was a lot more. And look where it led you."
"It's not the same."
"It looks exactly the same."
"It's not. And he's going home on Thursday for Christmas like everyone else." I shift uncomfortably with her observations. "And that's that. We'll both go our separate ways. He'll be back at Cambridge where he belongs and I'll be in California."
"That's that." She repeats with mocking eyes. "Just that simple?"
"He's the Crown Prince, Casey." I look at her and then shift my gaze to Alexei playing in the bubbles. "I'm well aware of that and what that means."
"Why do you always fall for the ones you cannot have?" She asks quietly.
"I wish I knew." I admit quietly.
"So you have fallen for him?"
"Like I said," I turn my gaze back to her speaking quietly. "It's just a summer fling. He'll be gone at the end of the week. And that's that. He's off to school again and I'm off to school and work in California."
"She sighs heavily, rubbing her brow with her fingers. "It's never that simple. Not when feelings are involved."
"I'll be fine." I brush off her concern.
"You forget, that I know you better than anyone." Her big eyes set fast on mine. "You haven't even let yourself realize how you truly feel about him, have you? And about this?"
"What do you mean?" I ask with furrowed brows.
"It means you've gotten too good at this job." She sighs, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. When she opens them again, I'm still waiting for her to explain. "You've gotten so good at telling yourself how you feel about someone or something, in the moment, that you're doing it now with Henry. You're treating it as a mission to keep yourself from feeling anything real for him, even though you obviously do, or you wouldn't be treating him like a mission."
"I think you're over thinking it." I brush what she says off immediately, uncomfortable with the notion because I know it's the truth.
"I don't think so." She shakes her head softly. "I think you're purposefully under thinking it. Which would be great, if you didn't feel something for him. And you do. Don't you?"
She's bringing up everything I've been consciously trying not to think about. To avoid. And I hate that she's right. Again. My silence is only more confirmation of that fact to her.
"I don't know what it is I feel for him." I answer honestly, hoping she can direct me on what to do. "It's nothing like I've honestly ever felt before. Even with Mikael." My voice is barely above a whisper to say this out loud. "The connection with Henry," I shake my head feeling tears prick my eyes and I try to force them back. "It scares me. So you're right, I don't think about it. I have to actively try to not think about it. To file it away on a constant basis."
"And how long have you felt this connection with him?" She seems distressed by my admission.
"Since the moment we met. The moment our hands touched as Mikael introduced us, it was like," I shake my head having a difficult time trying to put this into words, "It was like we'd known each other forever. Like when I looked into his eyes, I just knew him. And not because he's famous. I could care less about that. You know me. It was like my soul recognized his. I know that sounds ridiculous but it wasn't just a physical reaction or attraction, it was something much deeper. This bolt of connection where every single cell of my being was ignited. Adrenaline rush times a thousand. Like I remembered him from a million lifetimes before, even though we'd never met. A complete sense of ease and recognition.
And we barely talked that night; there were so many people. But we were just drawn to each other. We couldn't stop looking at one other. And not in a physical lust-filled way, but it felt impossible to tear our eyes away from each other. Like we just had to be in the same room or something was suddenly missing. I didn't sleep at all that night. I missed him, which was ridiculous given we'd just met and had barely spoken. We were sharing this house so I knew he was downstairs. I just wanted to look at him. It was the oddest thing, but I just had to be near him. So I went to sneak down the stairs, just to look at him and when I opened the door he was standing on the other side. He couldn't sleep either and in that moment, just standing their looking at each other, we both realized that. I backed up into the room and he closed my door and then just slowly came together. Like we were both cherishing every single touch and moment our flesh connected. It felt incredible just to have his fingers on my skin. The most overwhelming feeling came over me just from that small contact. And when we kissed, it was like I was drowning and being saved all at once. Like I couldn't breathe and had never felt more a live in all my life. That night was a complete blur but neither of us were intoxicated and it wasn't fast and furious. It was slow and all consuming.
We didn't say anything to each other. And he went back downstairs after. The next day we pretended nothing happened. And again barely spoke to each other all day, but couldn't tear our eyes away. And then that night, the same thing happened. And it kept happening. Every night. And the nights turned to day when we were left alone. And no one knew for months. Just us. And we never spoke about it. What it meant or what it was. Until one night, we all went to a party and at this party, we were drinking a lot and when we got home, he came to my room as he did every night, except he fell asleep after and stayed until the morning. Nyah came in to get me for work because I hadn't woken yet and found us, passed out naked in the bed. I told her it was just drunken sex. I've never said anything to her about all that came before in the months previous to it. And after that, it was like a sense of freedom because then, that's what it was. It had a label. It was just sex." This is as open and honest as I have ever been with her about a relationship in my life. I've laid my soul bare in hopes she can help me make sense of it.
"But it's not just sex." She says in barely above a whisper.
I shake my head no when words fail me now after that confession and quickly wipe at the single tear that manages to escape.
"We tried to stop." I add quietly after a few minutes in silence, "But it's impossible. We can't be apart knowing the other is no near. It's like I can't breathe without being able to touch him. I no longer feel whole without him. Constantly thinking about him and need to be near him and when we are together, I'm completely at ease and the happiest I've been in a long, long time. So I stopped trying to fight it and stopped analyzing it instead." I take a deep breath, bottling it all up again. "Its just sex. And he will be gone come Friday on the other side of the world. And it will be over."
"Oh Julia," She shakes her head softly with a big quiet sigh. "It's not just sex. You're really in love with him." She sounds almost quietly amazed, which terrifies me even more.
"And how does Henry feel about this?"
"He tried to tell me once that he loved me but I wouldn't let him. I silenced him before he had the chance to. I knew what he was going to say and then reminded him this was just sex. A summer fling and that was all."
"So you're trying to make him think that this means nothing to you, what's happened between you. That this is just a casual fling?" She ponders out this plan of mine.
"Yes." I finally admit, wiping at another tear that has escaped. "What choice do I have? I'm a spy and he's a prince. As you've pointed out, I've been down this road before. There is no happy ending. Only reality. That on Thursday he goes back to his life, and I go back to mine." I shift uncomfortably. "And then I'll never have to see him again."
"And if you do? The likelihood of running into him or working with him is going to grow exponential in the years to come as he takes his place on The Council. You can't avoid him forever."
"Only long enough not to feel this way about him anymore and by then, he'll be happily married to someone else and the future King and it won't matter."
"This really isn't the same as Mikael. Is it?" She is realizing that I meant what I said about how this connection with Henry is different. I'm still best friends with Mikael; we can be near each other, spend time together, and touch even without any issue. The idea of doing that with Henry seems impossible.
"No. This is terrifying. I knew I could walk away from Mikael and though it was heartbreaking to do, I knew I could do it. That I'd be okay. I just felt it deep inside. That it was the right thing to do. But the idea of walking away from Henry and whatever this is between us, cripples me." I confess, "I honestly can't stand the thought of what it's going to be like to have him on the other side of the planet, when I feel like I'm coming out of my skin with anxiety now, just to be away from him for a few hours. The closer we get to the end of our time together, the more consumed we've become with each other trying to savor every moment together. I don't know what I'm going to do, Casey." I wipe at the tears that are refusing to stay in now and I'm wiping them as quickly as they're falling. "If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears."
"This is not really my strong suit. Relationships." She turns her hands up helplessly and I can tell she wishes she had the answer and that she's distressed by what I've told her.
"You've been married to the man you love for 12 years now. You can't be that bad at relationships." I toss back at her and when her eyes widen I realize what I've said. "Yes, I know you and Ares are married. I promise I won't tell anyone."
"How long have you known?" She asks losing a bit of color.
"Since you died and came back to life." I answer cryptically.
"How do you know this information?" She asks.
She looks absolutely terrified that I do.
I know it's strictly forbidden for them to be married; so I understand that the fear is more about, how I know than information and not that I do. "It came out at your funeral." I don't really want to throw Nyah or Gillian or Artemis under the bus here, but I do want to waylay her fears that I found out through another sources. "They were worried about Ares. And what he was going to do without you." I speak slowly trying to figure out how to say this that will cause the least damage. "I think there was a lot of alcohol and tears involved. You have to remember, you died Casey. They buried you."
"Who," She swallows hard, thinking about all this, "Who told you?" The intensity of her gaze and fear I see in her eyes, worried about who else knows, I know I have to tell her the truth. The complete truth.
"Artemis told Gillian. Gillian told Nyah. Nyah told me." I tell her slowly seeing her deflate a little with each retelling and persons name added to the list. "And Maria. And Marna." I finish and her eyes widen.
"Maria and Marna know we're married?" She's added furious to the terrified.
"Yes. They do. But your secret will go to the grave with them. Just as it will with me." I try to reassure her. "They love you, Casey. You know how fiercely protective Maria is. She's going to take that secret to the grave and so will Marna."
"Anyone else know this?"
"No. Not about you. But Nyah also told me that Gillian told her, that Isis and Thor, and Apollo and Athena are all married too."
Her face falls completely in surprise and loses color.
"Don't be too hard on Artemis. Please? She was absolutely destroyed by your death and started drunk rambling to Gillian about your life. She was just overcome with grief. They all were. If you ever needed proof of how much you mean to everyone, take a look at what happened after you were gone. It was chaos. We could hardly function without you. We were all wandering around numb and drunk a great portion of the time." I add quietly thinking about my own grief, "I took the most dangerous assignments I could hoping to die. I just didn't care anymore. Everyone I loved was dead and I had no purpose but to serve. Mikael and Nyah had to talk me off the ledge on more than one occasion."
The look on her face is something I've never seen before. She's far more horrified by what I've just told her about my own reaction to her death than to finding out Artemis spilled her secret after her death.
"So go easy on her, okay? We all lost our minds and way there for a while. It's not easy losing you." I add quietly with a new round of tears I manage to hold in and give her a small smile. "I honestly hope I die young. That way I don't have to survive losing anyone else I love in my life." I confess my biggest secret to her, revealing how truly afraid I am to lose anyone else I love. This secret wish in life isn't keeping me from falling in love, or loving the people in my life, obviously, it just makes me all the more terrified to lose them. I turn my attention to Alexei and smile, shifting to my knees, I lean over and plant a kiss on his head. "I need to get ready or I'll be late." I'm fleeing the scene, I know. But I've had all the bathroom confessions I can handle for one night.
I've stunned Casey into silence and need to escape while she's still reeling. All this has to be disheartening for her to hear given she's spent her life, trying to keep me alive and here I am, telling her I hope I die young so I don't have to experience the pain of loss anymore. I stand and before she can react, drop a kiss to the top of her head as well, in thanks for listening, for caring, for this conversation I really didn't want to have but thankful she forced me into it, if only to further expand upon our own bond as sisters.
When I emerge from my own bathroom thirty minutes later, showered, dressed and ready to go for the evening, I find Casey sitting on the edge of my bed. She's looking very distraught and nervous.
"Is everything okay?" I ask clasping my earring.
Her eyes are glassy with unshed tears and it's still a breathtaking sight. Like spotting a unicorn, because it happens on such rare occasions that she cries. This is only the third time in my life of knowing her I've even seen tears in her eyes and all three times have come in the last year.
"I wish I could tell you what to do, Julia." She speaks from the heart. "That I could give you an order to follow in regards to this situation with Henry. But I have no idea what to say and I'd be a hypocrite if I did. I've felt that connection you're talking about," She reveals quietly and has my full interest, "just once in my life. And I still feel it every single day. I couldn't walk away from it. I married it in secret." She shrugs and a single tear slips down her cheek she completely ignores. "Ares is my other half. He makes everything else make sense when nothing else in our crazy world does. I can't imagine my life without him." She shakes her head softly, "But I can't imagine my life without you in it either." Her voice trembles slightly trying to contain her emotions. "Can I ask a favor of you?"
"Okay." I'm stunned with how open she's just been with me regarding her feelings and relationship with Ares. Maybe she finally opened up to me, because I finally opened up to her?
"Do I have permission to hug you?" She asks for the first time in my life.
Now I'm astounded. She's initiating a hug. I can't even give her a verbal response anymore; so I just nod slightly once. She closes the distance quickly, and wraps her arms tightly around me. When I come out of my temporary daze, I slowly wrap my arms around her and return the tight embrace.
"Don't die on me. I need you in my life." She whispers into my ear. Repeating what I had said to her when I hugged her last summer, seeing her for the first time since that night in the hospital.
"I don't plan on going anywhere." I answer with the same response she had then. I know she's worried about what I'm going to do once Henry is gone for good at the end of the week, especially after what I just told her earlier about hoping I die young, so that I don't have to lose anyone else I love, and how I was so devastated in grief after she died I sought death out in various ways. Her arms hold me more tightly.
"Jules," Nyah announces from the doorway.
Casey pulls away from me and blinks back her tears, wiping her eyes with her back to Nyah. I know she doesn't want to let her see her cry. Nyah's never seen that. I reach my hand out to Casey and squeeze hers' in support with a smile that I'll cover for her and step around her.
"Sorry to interrupt but I just got a text from Mikael they're on their way over to collect us."
"I'm ready." I smile at Nyah as she stands nervously in the doorway. She's amazed and bewildered by what she's stumbled upon, seeing Casey and I embracing for the first time. I tell her about moments like these but she had yet to witness one firsthand until now. "You look amazing." I smile at my friend whose pulled out all the stops in her beauty routine this evening it seems. She's naturally a very beautiful girl, but quite shy about it. Preferring to blend into the background on most occasions. But when she chooses to, she can stand out like a shining star and tonight is one of those nights.
"Ditto." She smiles at me coming out of her amazed stupor with my compliment as we head downstairs. As we near the landing I see Ares standing beside the front door with solid muscular arms crossed tightly over his chest in a rather intimidating pose and I can't help but smile. It's very big brother like and something I'm not used to at all. Mikael and Henry are standing just beside him in the doorway waiting for us and when our eyes catch, I can see Henry visibly swallow hard at the sight of me. I'm wearing the white sundress I know he loves. He's mentioned on more than one occasion since I first wore this dress months ago, how he loved its simple contrast with my dark, tanned sun-kissed skin. I flip my long, wild blonde hair over my shoulder and smile at him as we approach then shift my attention to Mikael and Ares.
"We'll see you in the morning." I brush Ares arm on the way by with a smile. "Goodnight."
He doesn't say anything, just glowers at the boys he's deemed unworthy as heirs and lets us pass.
Everyone else is waiting in the car taking us into the city for our night of fun and when Nyah and I slip inside beside them, they pause in their laughter and conversation.
"You both look amazing." Fredik's girlfriend, Stella, smiles at us broadly.
"Thank you." We utter quietly with smiles, "As do all of you." The moment is fleeting as we all settle, squished in and are off. The conversation and laughter picks right up again with everyone talking at once in several conversations. Henry is sitting across from me. Our knees are brushing as we face each other driving me insane but I can't bare to move away either. He's staring intently at me again and so I give him a small smile and then shift my gaze beside him to listen to the conversation taking place between Mikael and Emma, one of his friends from Sweden. There is a certain spark between them I see developing and it makes me smile that he seems so happy. He's been so engrossed with her the past few months, he hasn't noticed anything happening between Henry and I, and if he has, hasn't mentioned it to me.
"So Julia, what are you plans for the holidays?" Collin asks taking a sip of the cocktail he's just mixed in the minibar.
"Going home, I think." I smile at him tucking my hair behind my ear.
"And where is home? Mikael mentioned once you're a real American cowgirl." He smiles all the more intrigued and I laugh softly about these boys and their fantasies.
"Home is more of a state of mind these days for me. The people I love more than a place." I try to explain, feeling odd about saying such a thing to these people who are looking at me bewildered. To them, home is a giant manor house or castle on some vast estate spread over Europe.
"And where are these people you consider home?" Lauren asks beside him with intrigue.
"Spread all over really. But I think I'll be seeing a few in Sweden this year." Mikael catches that part of my conversation and smiles. We'll be spending at least part of the Christmas holiday together on the connected estates, I'm sure. "And you?" I ask politely. "Where will you be spending the holidays?"
"We spend every Christmas at my Grans' estate outside Brighton and then New Year's skiing in the Alps." She answers with a smile. "Positively boring but tradition." She flicks her little pinky a bit before taking a sip of her champagne. "Then it's back to Cambridge to begin another semester. Thank god we're all sharing a flat now." Her attention diverts to Henry, Collin and Elizabeth with a smile. "I'm just glad you're grandmother finally approved it, Henry."
"Took her long enough." Collin laughs. "When are they moving your things in, Henry?"
"I'm not sure." He shrugs with a smile. I see a hint of sadness flash through his eyes at the reminder.
"This is going to be amazing," Elizabeth beams and links her arm excitedly with Henry's, "Finally having us all under one roof." It's no secret that Elizabeth is a bit enamored with Henry. They've been an on again off again sometimes couple, sometimes friends with benefits according to her and I've no doubt she has every intention of making it full time on again in the very near future. The thought makes me insanely jealous as does watching her wrap her arm around his right now and snuggle into his side.
"And where will you be off to next, Julia?" Andrew manages to slur out with a smile. He's been drinking all day and still going strong, though thoroughly intoxicated. Ever the party boy, he just keeps on going. "Dodging more bullets in Beruit or something?" He adds flippantly. My life is a joke to them, I know. They're fascinated by it and yet, a none reality they can actually understand. To them, it's just as Lauren said, some kind of Bond film. Detachment and no comprehension that it's real.
"No," I shake my head with a smile. "I'm off to California. Finally, starting classes at the University of California Santa Barbara."
"Oh, I love Santa Barbara!" Stella gushes immediately. "America's French Riviera. You're so lucky, Julia."
"Just now starting?" Collin narrows his brows. "Didn't you graduate secondary school nearly two years ago? You've been on quite the long Gap Year." He smiles tipping his glass to me.
"Not quite." I laugh softly, "A lot's happened in the last couple of years that has kept me quite busy Council wise with work." I answer him thinking about Casey's death and disappearance and the quest for answers and then hunting down those responsible. "I'm finally getting some down time now to return to my studies."
"And what will you be studying?" Elizabeth asks with a sly smile. "How to kill people with a paperclip?"
"No, she's already very good at doing that." Nyah jumps immediately to my defense not liking how they're speaking to me in such a demeaning way with sickening smiles. They usually attack her, or so I've been told all my life, but suddenly I'm the new perceived threat in the group and so the attention has been shifted onto me as the newbie in the group.
"International Relations." I answer Elizabeth and ignore her comment.
"Seems a bit redundant, doesn't it?" She sips her drink, "To send you off to school for a degree when all you'll ever be is a Council Worker Bee anyway? Why bother studying anything?"
"For cover mostly, right?" Collin answers and pours Mikael a drink. "They have to give the illusion you're a normal person to everyone else."
"She is a normal person." Nyah bites back and I place my hand on her arm to pull her back both literally and figuratively.
"Don't be an arse, Collin." Henry speaks up.
Collin throws his hands up defensively, "I'm not. I was being honest. No offense meant. It's just what she is."
"Well, isn't it a bit redundant for any of you to be sent off to Cambridge or any other school? Since you're all Trust Fund babies living off mummy and daddy for the rest of your lives?" Nyah doesn't pull any punches. She makes me want to stand up and cheer but it won't help our situation right now. I want us to have a fun evening, not end up in brawl.
"Touche." Collin laughs handing her a drink. "I like your fighting spirit, Nyah. Someone else who tells it like it is. I like it." He laughs.
"We should plan a holiday to Santa Barbara during Spring Break." Stella smiles from ear to ear still thinking about one of her favorite travel destinations. "We can see Julia and go shopping in Beverly Hills on our way through."
My heart picks up speed instantly when Henry's eyes flash to mine at the suggestion. I feel simultaneous hope and dread at the thought. I can't leave him and this behind if he keeps following me.
"Isn't UCSB the largest party school in the States?" Collin smiles. "I'm quite sure I read that somewhere."
"If that's the case I'm definitely in." Andrew raises his drink as a toast. "Beautiful Californian girls, the beach, great surfing and a nonstop party. What's not to love about that? Sounds like a great holiday to me."
"I want to go to go to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon, too." Collin chimes in. "That's not too far is it?" He asks me and I shake my head no.
"Oh, yes! I want to do one of those Whitewater Rafting trips down the river." Emma adds excitedly. "And hike in the canyons and ride horses!"
"There won't be enough time for all of this during Spring Break." Lauren chimes in as the sense of reason, "Why not just wait until the end of the term and then we can spend the first month of summer doing all these things. Go to Ibiza or something for Spring Break?"
"Now that's a plan!" Stella smiles.
"I won't be able to join you for the whole month, but maybe the first week at least." Henry chimes in, "I start my RAF pilot training at the end of the month."
"Oh, that's right! You're going to be a Flyboy!" Andrew laughs. "Our very own Maverick." He mock salutes Henry.
"Training to be a Fighter Pilot they'll never actually let fly into combat." Collin smiles with a laugh mocking Henry's situation as the Crown Prince. "Now that's redundancy, Nyah." He raises his glass to her, referencing back to her comment. "They'd never let a single hair on his perfect blonde head be within 10,000 kilometers of any real danger."
"Haha." Henry mock laughs at their goading of him, brushing it off.
We pull up to the front of the restaurant and everyone slowly exits the vehicle. Henry stands near the door giving a helping hand to each of the ladies, being the gentlemen he is, assisting those of us wearing skirts and heels. I'm the last to depart and feel his hand free hand skate around to the small of my back and escorts me inside. The need to constantly be touching even in the smallest of ways. We sit beside each other in the restaurant so that our hands or legs can rest against one another beneath the table, hidden from sight. It's agonizing to keep pretending we have no interest in each other whatsoever other than cordial pleasantries. Both of us are far too quiet compared to the rest of the group and I catch Nyah's glance more than once, her dark questioning eyes checking in to make sure I'm still okay even though I deny anything is going on at all to her repeatedly. She knows me well.