Many thanks for the wonderful reviews! I love them. Thank you. Always get excited to see a new one. I hope you're enjoying the journey of how Julia came to be and all the people who influenced and molded her along the way. They all have significant impacts, but most certainly Casey as the one to raise her. Casey was a lot like Julia in her youth and as Julia ages, she becomes a great deal more like Casey. You see bits of Casey shining through Julia in various ways all throughout ROE. Life experience will do that to a person. Enjoy the ride! Hope to hear more thoughts from all of you soon. - Wild
Shock and Awe
April 26, 2001
Santa Barbara, California
"The doctor can see you now." The nurse smiles from the doorway. I gather my belongings and follow her into the small room. She hands me a tiny blue paper gown. "Put this on and have a seat on the table. He'll be in momentarily." She smiles at me typing the false name I gave her into the ultrasound screen beside us. "Do you know how far along you are?"
"No." I choke on that answer.
"Do you know when your last period was?"
"I'm an athlete so they've always come and gone." My mouth is dry and I feel nauseous. "I'm on birth control but that doesn't always produce a period. The last period I know I had was in December. The beginning of December."
"That's a long time ago." Her eyes are wide but she's still smiling. "We have had a couple other physically fit athletes like you come through here in similar situations. Your bodies don't change much because of your muscle tone and experience amenorrhea because of the low body fat. You don't realize you've missed a period. It's not that uncommon that your first reported pregnancy symptom is feeling the baby move." She smiles at me with eyes going towards my abdomen. "Have you been sexually active since then?"
"Yes." I answer but my voice is choked thinking about the random one night stands, missions, and the one night I spent with Mikael after a bottle of tequila. I have no idea when I conceived or who the father of this baby is right now. It adds another layer of sheer terror to all of this.
"We know should know soon enough exactly when you conceived. Not to worry."
She leaves the room and I change into the paper gown. Now I'm left sitting on the crinkly paper covered exam table staring at the wallpaper border surrounding me. It's baby giraffes, baby lions, baby zebras, baby everything. My palms are sweating and I feel like I'm having heart palpitations. I'm not ready for this. Easy for her to say, not to worry. She's not an Elite Human Weapon forbidden from having a child.
"Hello Kate." The doctor enters the room with a smile, greeting me by the alias I've given them. He's in his late 50s I'm guessing and I detect a slight Slovak accent, likely arrived here as a child and has mostly lost the accent by now. "I hear we're not quite sure when you conceived on this one."
"No, sir." I offer him a nervous smile. The smile is for him to put him at ease because I feel anything but.
"Well, let's take a look, shall we." He sets his file down and waves me to lie down. "If you just lie back here, I'll examine your uterus externally first and see what we can feel."
His cold hands start feeling around my naked abdomen and I can actually see his brows narrow and then rise significantly when he feels the area around my navel. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. "Not much of a belly showing at all but you're actually quite far along according to the position of your uterus." He digs his fingers into my abs pressing down even harder and my heart starts to pound. "A conception in December wouldn't surprise me. Let's take a look with ultrasound." He pulls his hands back immediately moving towards the machine. December. My brain is screaming at me. December can only mean one thing. Henry. I wasn't with anyone else but him in December and it wasn't until February that I was with anyone else. So it either has to be his, or I'm measuring further along than I really am and it's Mikael's from our Valentine's Day Tequila Pity Party Rendevous.
He squirts the green jelly onto my belly and sticks the wand against my skin. A flurry of white and black flashes around the ultrasound screen as he waves it around quickly spreading the gel. When he stops moving my heart stops beating as well. There is a perfectly sculpted baby on the screen, arms, legs, hands and feet. It only holds still for moment before its legs are kicking around. The same flutters of movement I feel inside me now have a visual reference on the screen before me. The doctor is clicking away on the keyboard and mouse, taking measurements I presume but I'm transfixed staring at the little body inside my own everything else seems to fade away.
"You're definitely quite far along. You're measuring 20 weeks and 3 days gestation. Which means you've gone 5 months without realizing you were actually pregnant." He smiles at me bewildered. "And I can honestly say that by looking at you, I'd have never known you were pregnant at all. You must be quite the athlete." He turns his attention back to the screen. "According to such measurements, you will be due September 11th and that means your conception date was December 20th of last year. Does that sound plausible?" He asks still smiling and inspecting the baby on the screen.
"Yes." I answer in barely above a whisper. Tears are flooding my eyes and I can't tear my eyes from the screen. All this time, I've been carrying his baby. My life just became exceedingly complicated.
"Would you like to know the sex?" His wand is waving around looking at different views.
"Okay." I answer numbly in disbelief any of this is actually real.
"Congratulations. You're having, by the looks of it, a perfectly healthy baby girl." His smile widens.
"A girl." My heart soars and shatters simultaneously. "And she's okay?" I worry about the birth control I've been taking which obviously hasn't been effective at all.
"She is measuring exactly where she is supposed to be given this conception date and uterus size. The chart says you were taking birth control." He mentions and I nod in confirmation. "But I see no defects or delays at all. Did you skip some days in December? Or were you taking any antibiotics? That may be why your birth control failed to prevent pregnancy."
"Antibiotics." I whisper in a quiet rush of realization. The antibiotics I was taking at the beginning of December for my knife wound. "Oh God." I shake my head in disbelief any of this is happening.
"Not to worry." He lays a comforting hand on mine believing I'm freaking out over the health of my child, and I am, but I'm more freaking out in general about what I'm going to do now. It's far too late for an abortion and that doesn't leave me with many options. Not that I could abort this baby even if it was the best thing to do given my situation. I can't tear my eyes from her perfect little form swimming around inside of me. We did this. We created this perfect little being and I'm absolutely in love at first sight.
"In four months time, you'll have a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby girl in your arms. Not to worry." He tries to reassure me again but only adds to my panic that now I only have 4 months left to figure out what to do before she's here. "I'm going to start you immediately on a PreNatal Vitamin and of course, have you stop taking the birth control." He smirks at me and pats my hand then sets back to work taking photos and printing them out for me. When he hands them to me, my hands are shaking like leaves. I can feel her moving around inside of me and after he wipes the gel away, I lay my hand over the small baby mound I'd thought was all the Ben & Jerry's I was eating in my depression. As it turns out, all the weepiness and extra tears, emotional swings were pregnancy hormones.
May 26th, 2001
Paris, France
"Hej!" Nyah lunges at me for a hug the moment she opens the door. "My God, Jules! Where have you been? I've left like 30 messages in the last month! All I got was one measly email saying you were fine just busy. You just dropped off the face of the earth! What's going on?" She rambles and pulls back, grasping my shoulders and looks at me intensely. "Something's going on. What is it?"
"Let's go inside." I motion her into the doorway. She's going to have a loud reaction to this and I don't want the entire neighborhood watching. We're barely inside her apartment with the door closing before she's looking at me expectantly for answers.
"Spill it." She demands taking my duffle bag from me.
"I'm in trouble." I sigh, holding onto my hand and rubbing it nervously.
"Like, what kind of trouble? The kind of trouble that you killed someone you weren't supposed to and need me to help hide the body, trouble? Or Sentinel kind of trouble?" She rattles off nervously. "Or you just forgot to file your taxes trouble?"
"I'm pregnant."
She sucks in a loud breath in almost a gasp and instantly goes as white as a sheet. "Okay." She says trying to calm and collect herself. "I'll help you. We'll take care of it." She reaches out a comforting hand to squeeze my upper arm.
"It's too late for that." I shake my head with tears in my eyes. "I'm six months pregnant, Nyah."
"What?" She screams this time and sways on her feet. Her eyes immediately scanning up and down my body. "You don't look six months pregnant!" I lift the sweatshirt I'm wearing to reveal my tiny but very present baby belly that has really popped out the last month. It looks like I've swallowed a volleyball. "Holy fecking shit!" She swears and braces herself against the wall in the entryway. "How long have you known about this?"
"A month." I run my hand over my belly feeling the baby moving within. "I didn't even realize I was pregnant until I was already 5 months pregnant. It was too late to do anything about it then. She was already well formed and on her way."
"She?" Nyah gasps when I reveal the sex, making this all the more real to her.
"Yes. She. I'm having a girl." I shrug with tears streaming down my cheeks and a crooked, pained smile. "And I have no idea what I'm going to do."
"Six months ago was, what December?" She tries calculating backwards figuring out the math and when I nod, I see the light go off in her head, "Oh my God. Henry." She gasps covering her mouth with her hand.
"Yes. Oh my God Henry. Indeed." I repeat covering my belly again.
"Does he know?" She asks with wide eyes.
"No." I shake my head. "No one knows. You're the first one I've told."
"Oh my God. I have to sit down." She mutters continuing to pale in color and just sits on the floor before she passes out. "My God, Jules. What are you going to do?"
"I don't know." I cry shaking my head. "That's why I need help."
"I don't know what to do!" Her eyes fill with tears, looking at me helplessly. "What do you want to do?"
"I don't know. I honestly don't know."
"They're never going to let you keep her, Jules." She whispers sadly.
"I know." I inhale a shaking breath filled with tears. My hand immediately goes to my belly protectively thinking about that outcome.
"I'll help you hide her or smuggle her away if you want me to. Just give me the plan and I'll do it." Nyah volunteers immediately with enthusiasm through her tears. "Whatever you need me to do, Jules. I'll help you. I just don't know what to tell you. We need more help with this. Someone who knows what to do." She looks at me intently and I know what she's going to say before she says it. "We need to talk to someone who's been through this before to help us figure out what to do."
"I know. I need to talk to Casey." I nod as more tears surge forth and I cry. "I just can't imagine telling her this. She's going to be so upset."
"Well that'd be hypocritical." Nyah counters immediately.
"Yes. But you know her as well as I do. How insanely protective she is. She's going to freak out with worry for me. That's why I've been delaying telling her or anyone." I try wiping at my stinging tears but it's useless. They're falling as fast as I'm wiping and take a seat on the floor in front of Nyah.
"What about Artemis?" Nyah suggests with bright eyes, "She's been through this too with Gillian. And she ended up getting Gillian back when she was seven so maybe she can help? Then you wouldn't have to tell Casey at all."
"Are you kidding me?" I look at her shaking my head. "Artemis would never keep something like this from Casey, especially given it's me! And then when Casey did find out, she'd be furious that I kept it from her!"
She sighs deeply and slumps, "Yeah, you're right. She would tell her immediately."
"I know I have to tell Casey. She's the next one on my list but I was hoping you'd be there with me when I do?" I ask reaching for her hand and giving it a squeeze.
"Of course, I will." She squeezes it back with big crocodile tears welling in her eyes. "Holy shit, Jules. You're having a baby!"
"I know." I nod in understanding of how shocking this is.
"We've done all kinds of crazy things in the last six months! Missions and wild parties. I'm amazed you were pregnant all that time." She gasps, "And also horrified. This doesn't seem real."
"I felt the same. That's why it's taken a month for me to wrap my head around all this." I shake my head and then lift my shirt again, placing her hand on my belly. "But I assure you. It's real." I know she can feel where the baby is kicking me right now.
"Holy crap." She gasps again in disbelief with wide eyes. "You're really pregnant." Her eyes drops to the place where I'm covering her hand with mine over my belly.
"I'm really pregnant." I sniffle.
"We have to call, Casey."
"I know."
"Okay," Casey takes a seat on the leather chair opposite of the sofa both Nyah and I are sitting on. "What's going on with you two that I've been summoned here?" She asks taking another sip of her tea. "My layover isn't very long here so you'd better speak quickly." We've asked her to come to Nyah's flat on her way through Paris heading back to Stockholm. She flies on a private plane for Council business as the General but she still has a tight schedule to keep.
"I need your help." I speak quietly and Nyah reaches over and holds my hand for support. Casey's eyes follow the move and slowly sets her tea cup on the coffee table in front of us. She knows that whatever I'm about to say is serious if Nyah's holding my hand for support. We stare at each other for a long moment before I take a deep breath and just say it, "I'm pregnant."
Casey's face doesn't reveal anything about what she's feeling. Her mask of indifference is perfectly in place now that she's recovered 100%, and back to being the phenomenal being that she is. She's controlling every emotion she must be feeling right now and continues to stare at me. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head.
"Okay," She finally speaks and it's quiet and calm in a very controlled tone. "We'll get it taken care of it." It's not uncommon for people in our business to need such services once or twice in their lives and I'm sure she's assuming this is likely the result of a Siren mission I was on for a length of time last month right before I realized I was pregnant.
"It's not like that." I shake my head bracing myself for the disappointment I know she's going to feel as soon as I reveal this truth. "I'm too far along."
"How far?" She asks immediately with eyes going straight to my midsection. She can't see anything through the bunched fabric of my overly large sweatshirt but I'm guessing by the look in her eyes now of narrowing brows, she's realizing quite far along if I'm wearing a sweatshirt at the end of May when it's 80 plus degrees outside right now. My attire wasn't something she noticed until now, having seen Nyah and myself lounging around many a times in comfy sweatshirts and yoga pants on our down time.
"Six months." I gulp and her eyes flash wide. Her chest starts rapidly rising and falling and I can actually see the artery in her neck start throbbing with the increased heart rate. She stares at me, slowly raising her fingers to her lips and I know that means she's thinking. The seconds tick by like agonizing hours in the silence.
"Henry." She finally speaks. She's done the math as well and realized when I must have conceived.
"Henry." I repeat confirming who the father is.
"Why are you just coming to me now? We could have taken care of this earlier." She asks and I hear a hint of anger and frustration in her tone.
"I didn't even know I was pregnant until last month. I thought it was amenorrhea like always and then when I did gain a little weight and lost some of my abs I just attributed it to the fact that I've been assigned a lot of desk duty lately and not in the field as much." I try to explain feeling tears welling in my eyes and desperately try to keep them in knowing she really doesn't like to see me cry. That much hasn't changed in our relationship. Tears make her uncomfortable. Period. "I figured it out when I felt her move and realized it wasn't indigestion from bad Chinese. I took a home pregnancy test that was glaringly obvious and scheduled an appointment that afternoon. He told me I was already five months along then and by that time, it was too late to do anything anyway." I wipe at the tears escaping and try to blink back the rest. "She was coming whether I was ready or not. I was in shock. It's taken me the last month to process. I couldn't believe it was real. The doctor said the antibiotics I was on the first part of December for the stab wound likely cancelled out my birth control and honestly, I wasn't even thinking about it. I knew that was a possibility we've been warned about but, it was the last thing on my mind."
"She?" Casey asks after a long moment of silence and I nod. Knowing that makes it all the more real.
I stand and lift my sweatshirt revealing my belly to her for the first time. My hand smoothing over the little mound that is eye level for her. I'm so thin and this baby is so tightly confined that when she turns beneath my skin you can see it now. There's no denying I'm pregnant seeing this. Slowly I put my shirt back down and take my seat again. Her face has lost most of its color and she hasn't even moved a centimeter from where she seems frozen in place.
"When are you due?" She asks and her voice is thick and choked this time. Like she's swallowing all her emotions.
"September 11th." I answer quietly and then she remains silent just staring at me.
"Have you told Henry?" She speaks again.
"No." I shake my head softly. "I haven't told anyone but you and Nyah. I wanted to talk to you first." I inhale a staggered breath and soft cry. "I don't know what to do. I need your help, Casey. Please tell me what to do."
"Do you want to keep this baby?" She asks quietly with big blue eyes holding fast to mine.
"I don't know how I can." I rest my hand over my belly, feeling her moving around inside me and more tears flood my eyes. "I love her already." My thumb caresses my belly through the fabric nervously. "I know they'll never let me keep her. But I can't stand the thought of her being put through The Program." I inhale a sob, trying not to cry, "I've sort of already resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to have to give her up. I just don't know how. The idea of her being placed with someone like Pavlov is absolutely terrifying." I whisper cry thinking of the monsterous man they'd placed her baby with and I know a million more just like him exist out there they could place my child with. "I want her to be happy. To have the life I'll never know and can never give her." It's the same thing she told me when I first passed Alexei off to her that night. That she knew she could never keep him, but she wanted a better life for him than the one she had or could offer. It ended up working out in her favor, but she was also 33 and married with an Heir in her corner helping to protect her child. I was almost 21 and alone in this. The last part rings true for her and I see the faintest swelling of tears welling in her eyes before she controls herself and pulls them back.
"Okay." She says quietly. "The first thing we need to do is talk to Marie. You need a Division Head and Heir on your side in this. Because there is still a very real chance they'll terminate anyway even this far along if they catch you pregnant and you haven't told them."
Fear strikes my heart immediately and sends a bolt of terror straight through me. Nyah squeezes my hand more tightly feeling the same.
"I'm hoping she'll help you like she helped me." Casey finally moves and reaches for her tea. "To keep this baby out of the wrong hands and let you have a say in where she's placed."
"There's no chance they're going to let her keep it, is there?" Nyah asks the question we both know the answer to but one I can't bring myself to ask yet still need to hear the answer to.
Casey shakes her head softly, "No. Not at her age. You're in the prime years of service. There's no way they'll let you keep this child. Unless," She sighs and rubs her temple.
"Unless, what?" Nyah asks and I feel my heart skip a beat with hope.
"You might have more options then what Ares and I had since Henry is an Heir. If we get Henry and his family to claim this child and they take custody." she looks at me speaking slowly, "you might be granted visitation and some say in her life if they afford it. You'd have far more access to her through Henry than any other situation they may place her in. And it would be up to them if she were subjected to The Program or not as their heir. You'd lose all claim to her, but she'd have him."
If there was ever a wakeup call given to me about the vast difference in our stations in life, this was it. The defining moment where reality has hit home and hard. Hearing that if her father and his family claimed her, I might be granted visitation still losing all claim to her.
"And if they won't claim her?"
"Then The Council will decide what becomes of her." Casey answers folding her hands in her lap.
"Can't we just hide Julia away until she gives birth and then secure a private adoption?" Nyah asks in desperation, voicing thoughts I've had a million times now.
"We could try." Casey offers another spark of hope and then dashes it into dust, "But the consequences for getting caught are grave. They will kill the child regardless of how pregnant you are or age if she's born. Likely before your eyes to teach you a lesson and then you'll face possible execution yourself and anyone who helps you with this endeavor." She looks from me to Nyah, indicating we'd all go down for this, not unlike what transpired with Alexei and the Sentinels. Now I know why Casey hid him so well in those days that followed if the Sentinels response to illegal children is to kill them before their parent's eyes.
"Well, I don't care. I'll risk it if you want me to, Jules." Nyah promises reaching for my hands with tears in her eyes. "If you want to try and hide her away, I'll help you."
"It's not that easy, Nyah. I'm speaking from experience." Casey shakes her head, "And if we go this route, then you cannot speak to Henry first or Marie to find out if those are even options. This has to be plan A, not B, or C."
"Why not?" Nyah asks a bit deflated.
"Because the moment Henry's family learns you're carrying his child, The Council will be notified of their decision one way or the other. There is no going back from that." She warns.
"So who am I supposed to approach first?" I ask feeling my mouth going dry again. The idea of my child being hunted to death if I go rogue on this on this is completely off the table.
"I think we should speak to Marie. At least ask her what she suggests given the nature of your situation."
"What about Ulric in all of this?" Nyah asks quietly. "Won't it make things worse if he finds out from someone else?"
"Yes, but right now we need to speak with Marie." Casey stands smoothing her hands down the front of her skirt. "I'll worry about Ulric later. Grab your bags. You're coming with me now. I'll change the flight plan for London instead. " She looks at me and then Nyah, "You too, Nyah."
"Me? Why?" Nyah asks standing up quickly ready to move quickly.
"Because you're being assigned personal bodyguard status until further notice." She nods towards me. "She is to never leave your sight for any reason. Is that understood?"
"Yes, ma'am." Nyah snaps to.
"And I don't care if another superior officer or heir tries to take her away for any reason, you do not let this happen. Is that understood?"
"Yes, ma'am." Nyah swallows hard. "Why would they try to take her away?" She asks quietly in both fear and intrigue.
"Because this pregnancy and that child are now in the way of the Mission Objective for Julia's life." Casey answers quietly with eyes catching mine. "A distraction they won't hesitate to eliminate."
My hand instantly goes over my baby protectively inside my body.
"We need to move on this quickly." She is clicking gears into the General I know and is in mission mode now. "Julia, I'm going to assume you've already taken care of any possible trail or evidence of your doctor's appointments."
"Yes." I nod.
"Okay." She nods, "Then get your stuff together. We need to move now."
"I have to pack a bag." Nyah speaks quickly making for her bedroom like the Flash. As soon as she's out of the room Casey surprises me by instantly pulling me to her in a crushing hug. "We will figure this out together." Her tone is soft and supportive as she holds me, letting me know I'm not alone in this. I reach my arms up and hold her desperately to me. I haven't allowed myself to emotionally process any of this at all. I'm filing it away into compartments as soon as I'm feeling it these days because I know I have to act. I don't have time to feel anymore. I know what I need to do and this has turned into a mission for me because otherwise I'm certain I couldn't do it. I would die of heartbreak if I let it sink in what I'm doing and what is going to happen.
For the first time ever, she drops a kiss to the side of my head and then lets me go. Giving me a supportive nod. She's taken this a lot better than I thought she would or gave her credit for. I was expecting the same outburst I was used to from her when I was a teenager and did something stupid that disappointed her. I'm sure her own personal experience having been in a similar situation has tempered her reaction to such news. The agony I feel inside over all this is a million times worse than anything she could ever say anyway.
We wait in silence near the door. My bags were pretty much packed from my arrival just last night. Nyah doesn't take long at all and then we're off to the airport. Casey has called and changed her flight to London instead, adding two additional passengers to the manifest.
The small Gulf Stream jet lands directly into the small private airport on Marie's vast estate. We're escorted immediately into Marie's office. All three of us now wait nervously, squashed together sitting side-by-side sharing the same sofa before her desk. We hear her approach and stand to greet her.
"General, this is very unexpected." Lady Marie greets her first with a concerned expression. "Julia, Nyah." She acknowledges us as well before taking her seat. Once she's sitting we do the same. "What's this about, Cassiopeia?"
"We'd like your advice on a concerning time sensitive matter, ma'am." Casey answers her.
"What sort of matter?" Marie folds her hands and lays them on the desk looking at the three of us.
"A personal one, ma'am." I speak and her eyes zero in on me instantly with an intense stare.
"Well, go ahead. Speak Julia." She commands when I pause too long apparently. "What is the personal matter you need advice on?"
"I'm pregnant." I just throw it out there. Her eyes drift immediately to my abdomen. I've changed out of the comfy attire I was lounging in at Nyah's and put on a respectable outfit for this meeting with Lady Marie. I'm wearing a summer dress with a light sweater that's just enough of a distraction you don't notice my baby belly unless you really look for it. And she's looking for it.
"How far along?" She asks immediately.
"Six months, ma'am. I'm due September 11th." I answer feeling my palms sweat as she stares me down.
"Is this child Mikael's?" Is her next question and I had a feeling it might be given the nature of our relationship in the past and my presence before her now.
"No, ma'am." When I answer her I can see and feel a flash of disappointment flit through her eyes. She had plans for my future with Mikael and this wasn't it. Breaking up with him was something she strongly disapproved of but after what happened with Casey, and in learning he knew and didn't say anything, she understood my reasons though it made her efforts to keep me in his life all the more. She was hoping I could help change the course of his direction at present.
"Then who is the father, Julia?" She demands quietly.
"Prince Henry." I answer her quietly.
Her eyebrows rise slightly in surprise and she sits back. "I see. And how long have you known about this?"
I know she's asking because she's sent me on two missions in the past six months. "I found out only last month, ma'am."
"And what advice are you looking to hear from me?"
"What my options are, ma'am. I know I'm forbidden as Council Property to have a child."
"Yes, you are." She repeats looking none too pleased with my situation. "You are not married to Prince Henry. So you are not afforded any of those protections you'd otherwise have in marrying an heir. According to Council Law, you would never be able to keep this child, Julia."
"I understand, ma'am." I choke back my tears, refusing to let them fall hearing so harshly what I already knew. "I was hoping to give her a life outside of this one. Hoping you could help me with that as you did with Casey."
"I cannot help you, Julia. I'm sorry." She answers immediately without even thinking about it. Just a flat no, and my heart is crushed immediately. I can feel Casey get tense beside me immediately. She was not expecting this reaction either. "Please understand. I would if I could." She leans forward folding her hands before her again and laying them on the desk, her tone is softer. "You do not belong to my Division, nor are you an heir in my bloodline, as Cassiopeia is. I was only able to intervene on her behalf because of that. She is my granddaughter and Alexei my great grandson and so I have a say regarding their lives. If Mikael was the father, I would be able to intervene on your behalf, or rather the child's as another one of my heirs. I could have helped you to place the child in a similar situation that we've managed to secure for Alexei," She waves her hand towards Casey, "or you could have simply married Mikael and this pregnancy would be a none issue." Her eyes drop to my stomach again. "But alas, that is not the case. I have no say over what happens to you now or your child. I tried to warn of you this. Tried to help you change your fate." She looks at me and Casey. We both recall her warning the night of the Birthday Dinner from hell and the day that followed when she said she was trying to prevent what had happened to Casey from happening to me. To change my fate. But I detoured from that path she was creating towards freedom by breaking off my relationship with her grandson. And now her hands were tied.
My hand goes to my belly unconsciously and tears pool in my eyes. "I understand, ma'am."
"What is your current relationship with Prince Henry?" she asks. "Was this child created because of some wild partying that you young people do, or was this the result of a relationship between the two of you that was more than sex?"
"A relationship, ma'am." I answer and feel the first tear slip down my cheek admitting this out loud. "Definitely more than simple sex."
"But you're not together now?" She asks for clarity. "I thought he was with that Elizabeth girl he lives with at Cambridge? The one who is in the news with him all the time?"
"We are not together. No, ma'am." I swallow the lump forming continuously in my throat. "And to my knowledge, yes, he is in a relationship with Elizabeth at the present time."
"Does he know about this child?" She's very direct and to the point.
"No, ma'am. He does not."
"And you don't want to tell him?" She asks shifting in her seat and tracing her lip.
"I wanted to know my options before I spoke with him." I lick my dry lips and blink back the rest of my tears threatening to fall.
"I see." She nods softly. "The only advice I can give to you now, Julia, is to talk with Henry and try and convince his family to claim this child. Whether he is willing to marry you or not, I do not know. His situation is considerably more difficult than even my grandson's as the Crown Prince. Henry is well known. His entire life has been documented and is on display for the world to see. Having an American girl come out of the woodwork, already visibly pregnant, will not play well to the world audience. They are falling in love with idea of him falling in love with his college sweetheart at present. It would be suicide for the monarchy to let him marry you at this point. But if you can get them to still claim this child, he will have a say into where the child is placed even if he does not claim it as an heir. That is your best chance to have some say in what happens to this child."
"Thank you, ma'am." I feel another tear slip down my cheek at her brutal honesty, but it's the truth.
"I can speak with Victoria if you wish, on your behalf." She offers to speak to Henry's grandmother, the Queen, and someone I now know is her distant cousin; which explains why Marie was granted sanctuary to build her vast estate on this island after the collapse of her own family's monarchy in Russia.
"Thank you, ma'am." I feel the faintest bit of hope flutter within at her offer to speak on my behalf.
"I wish I could help you, Julia. I truly do." She says again, "I had hoped to change your fate. You deserve more." Her soft blue eyes hold mine intensely and I feel her sincerity.
"Any advice on how to precede where Ulric is concerned?" Casey asks quietly.
"It's a matter of timing. I would suggest speaking with Henry immediately, tonight even if possible." She glances at the clock on the wall where it is only late afternoon. "Find out where he stands on this. Before he speaks with his family, call me. I will be on standby to speak with Victoria. You should turn yourself into Ulric at the same time. Before he has a chance to react, Henry's family will already be notified. Ulric won't be able to do anything until they've had their say at least."
"And if they don't claim her?" I run my hand protectively over my belly. I need to hear from an Heir, the Head of Division Branch and a member of the actual Council of Twelve, what fate awaits me. "What can I expect?"
"They may terminate the child given her father is a Crown Prince. Bastards in bloodlines this controlled are rarely tolerated." She's brutally honest again, "But you are the exception, Julia. And given your own bloodline," She offers a glimmer of hope, "And the purpose of your birth, they may see this child as a potential asset and allow it to live. Perhaps, give it to a Council heir family to raise or it may end up in The Program as you did."
"And what will your vote be for, ma'am?" Casey braves asking what I was just wondering myself and too afraid to ask.
"If' it's put to vote, my vote will be against termination." Marie shifts her gaze from Casey to me and back again, "And that Julia have a say in which family the child is placed in given she's voluntarily turning herself in."
"Thank you, ma'am." I offer quietly feeling relieved and yet terrified all over again.
The music is so loud in this club I'm now worrying our child may go deaf. I have to consciously remind myself not to touch my belly in public and draw attention to it. I'm thankful it's so dark and so packed with people that no one is really looking at anyone else's mid-sections. I've purposely worn a very revealing top that barely conceals my heaving cleavage these days, to keep the attention up and away from my belly. It's my insurance policy their eyes won't be looking anywhere else.
"Henry," I walk up behind him at the bar where he's getting drinks and laughing with his friends. Elizabeth is standing right beside him but with her back currently to him as she talks to Lauren and some other friends I don't recognize. "Henry." I call out to him again a little louder and reach out hesitantly to touch him. He's still not turning around, thinking I'm just another patron in the bar who has bumped into him but Collin is sitting sideways on the barstool and catches sight of me immediately. His eyes widen and a slow smile spreads across his lips as he looks at me and then to the shirt I'm wearing and starts playfully punching Henry in the chest to get his attention. Henry follows his line of sight, turning around and we come face to face for the first time since saying goodbye in Brazil six months ago. He just stares at me slack jawed with roving eyes and then locks onto mine, holding his intense gaze. We don't say anything to each other as time stands still around us while the party rages on. When someone bumps into me from the side, I'm snapped out of my stupor and remember the reason I'm here. "I need to speak with you."
"Okay." He swallows hard and I know he's feeling a mix of emotions. I also get the impression he's a bit angry with me and as his jaw sets staring down at me. "What do you need to speak with me about?"
"Can we go somewhere more private please?" I ask while people continuing weaving through the crowds around us. Nyah is standing right behind me and to the side as my faithful friend and bodyguard.
"I'm out with my friends right now. Can't this wait?" He asks with a bit of an edge to his tone.
"Not really." I answer honestly and feel our baby doing summersaults within me. She seems to enjoy the music.
"My God, Julia, is that you?" Lauren spots me and then Nyah, "Nyah! It is you!" She smiles and suddenly everyone is looking at us. "I had no idea you were joining us tonight. Is Mikael here?"
"No, he's not." I answer with a soft smile. Mikael is our connection to this group, so it's no wonder they're looking for him to be with us. Elizabeth is looking at me with narrowed brows and set jaw of her own as she twirls the red straw in her mixed drink. She takes another step closer towards Henry. "We weren't really planning to be here. Just stopping by. In a bit of a rush, I'm afraid."
"Oh come on! There's always time for at least one drink." Collin smiles waving us closer, "And that usually turns into two or three and then you'll be here the rest of the night with us." He laughs, "Now, what can I get you?" He looks at Nyah and I already waving the bartender over.
I'm about to decline when Nyah steps forward, "We'll both have vodka tonics. Thank you." She squeezes my arm near my wrist and I realize what she's doing. Covering for me when I nearly gave away a behavior that would set alarm bells off immediately that something was wrong given we'd spent all winter in Brazil drinking with this crowd and never turned down a single offer for a drink. I don't have to drink it. Just hold it as I would for any mission cover I needed to be sober for.
"I really need to speak with you." My focus is back on Henry. "It's important." I plead with my eyes hoping he'll see that through his anger.
The bartender tugs his shirt and he returns his focus there, collecting a large assortment of mixed drinks from the bar, holding them precariously through all his fingers. "I need to deliver these." He says over his shoulder to me before turning around and nodding towards the back of the club where I spot Andrew, Fredrik and several other people all waving at him to hurry up with the drinks. He pushes past me and into the crowd without a second glance.
"He'll be back." Collin smiles at me and drops a vodka tonic in my hand and passes one to Nyah. "So what have you been up to lately, Jane Bond?" He laughs, "See my word play there?"
"Yes. I caught that." I smile at him shaking my head at his obsession with the espionage facet of my life.
"We're leaving in next week for our big American adventure." He smiles, "Can't wait. So excited! But Henry said Mikael told him you're bailing on us! You're not even going to Vegas for the birthday mashup. That we won't see you at all. What is this nonsense?"
"I have to work." I lie with a smile. "Sorry. I hope you have fun without me."
"Well, it definitely will be lacking without you. You bring so much to the party!" He winks at me and shifts his focus to Nyah. "You're still coming though, right?"
"Probably not." Nyah shakes her head. "Same assignment as Julia currently." She nods in my direction with a smile and then sips her drink. She's powering through her vodka tonic. I can tell this situation is stressing her out. Every single time someone moves and the slightest space is created to reveal my abdomen, she takes a step forward to cover my belly view and then steps back. It's like she's dancing beside me but doing it masterfully, with enough twists and turns people just think she's trying to get out of the way.
Henry is not returning and when I turn around see him standing in the back talking and laughing with his friends. He's smiling. Oh, how I've missed that smile. The sight makes me weak in the knees.
The bartender grabs Collin's arm to get his attention, sliding three more drinks in front of him. "These are for your friends in the back."
"Ladies," Collin scoops up the drinks with a smile. "Please excuse, I'll be back." He lifts them slightly above his head and weaves towards the back.
I turn around watching him and feel someone slide up beside me. It's Elizabeth. She's stabbing the ice in her empty drink with the straw like it's a knife.
"So what do you want with Henry?" She wastes no time asking. "I heard you say you wanted to talk to him and that it was important."
"That's really none of your business, Lizzie." Nyah chimes in with a smile. She's drained her drink completely and trades my full one for her empty one.
"It is my business. He's my boyfriend." She smiles proudly like a peacock. I ignore her question and comments and glance towards the back. Henry is racking up a game of billiards now. He's ignoring the fact that I'm here completely and has actually turned his back to me to avoid looking in this direction.
Elizabeth leans in closer, speaking right next to my ear but loud enough that I hear her and so does Nyah. "I know the two of you must have been sleeping together last year. Our sex life is fantastic now with the all the new things I can only assume he learned from you given your profession. You made him a better lover. So thank you." Elizabeth flashes a smile at me when I pull away from her in surprise, shock, and horror at what she's saying. "I think all men should be sent to women like you to learn how to please their wives and girlfriends." She adds smirking and twirling the straw in her glass.
I anticipate Nyah's strike before she has the chance to lift her arm and quickly reach over and grab it. I've no doubt she was about to punch Elizabeth for her comments of thanking me for essentially being a whore and while I'd like nothing more than knocking this bitch on her ass right now for saying such things, I have more pressing matters to deal with. I'm also over this shit.
Ignoring Elizabeth and done waiting on Henry to acknowledge me or return, I charge forward into the crowd towards him. Nyah scrambles to keep up. Henry is bent over the table lining up a ball. I don't stop walking until I'm pressed completely up against his backside and bend over him, practically lying my body over his with my hand running quickly down the length of his arm, suggestively and holding onto his hand to stop his shot. My lips are near his ear and while his friends are so busy hooting and hollering at the sexy position I've just put us into, I whisper something I know will get his immediate attention.
"I'm pregnant." He freezes beneath me. "Now do I have your attention?"I slowly pull back and stand upright again. Nyah moves in immediately beside me to shield me from his friends while Henry stands up and turns around to look at me. His gorgeous brown eyes are completely focused on mine now. I ask quietly standing face to face, "Can we please go somewhere and talk?"
His eyes glance down my body and I see him taking notice of the way I'm hiding my midsection skillfully with where I'm holding my arms and Nyah's protective nearness. He grabs my forearm instantly and before I can say anything, he's charging us towards the door and street without saying a word to his friends about where he's going. They're all yelling after him trying to stop him and find out what's going on, but Henry's on a mission. His guards are scrambling to figure out what's happening as well and when it's clear he's intent on leaving, they use their Coms to call for his car. He drags me through the door and into the street and the second we hit the sidewalk, I'm blinded by the bright flashes of paparazzi bulbs. Henry is un-phased. He only holds more tightly to my forearm when I try to break away under all these watchful eyes, while he drags me through the crowd of people all screaming his name. He's heading towards the curb where his security detail is pulling his car up with such speed they squeal the brakes coming to a stop. They open the passenger side door for me and Henry promptly pushes me towards it while he rounds the front of the car to get into the driver's side and Nyah scrambles to get into the back. She doesn't even have the door fully closed before he's tearing off down the street. His detail follows closely behind in SUVs but so do the paparazzi.
"Trade places with me." I command him reaching for the wheel.
"Julia!" He barks at me but I'm not listening to his protests. I'm already sliding over the console between us and into his lap.
"I can drive a lot better than you and we need to lose these people." The fact they were able to photograph me at all is an absolute failure on my part this evening. I wasn't prepared for him to actually drag me out of the club and make a scene. He didn't care at all we were being photographed together but I should have thought of all possible scenarios, including this one: where he freaks out and hauls me out of the club all caveman-like by the wrist in front of the whole world. He stops protesting when I'm sitting in his lap and then slides out from under me towards the passenger seat once I have control over the wheel and gas pedal.
"Put your seatbelt on." I command him as Nyah already started buckling up the moment I said I was driving. She knows what's coming.
"And what about yours?" Henry finally speaks to me as I shift into higher gears slowly weaving through traffic gaining speed. He doesn't wait for me to answer but reaches across my body to get the belt and when he's bringing it back across my abdomen, he gets up close and personal with my baby belly for the first time and pauses. Sitting down and in this position, there is no hiding it. It's right there before his eyes with fabric hugging it tightly. His eyes glance up to look at my profile while I'm driving and then back down again. Slowly he drapes the belt over my lower belly and buckles it.
"Thank you." I mutter quietly. "Now yours." I have to remind him as he's just frozen now sitting beside me, looking down at my belly. He puts his belt on without tearing his eyes away from my belly until I shift rapidly and floor it. We're suddenly flying through a red light and around a bus before I yank the wheel to the right and cut down the street and then gun it again.
"Call your security and tell them you're okay." I instruct him seeing them making it through the intersection but losing many of the paparazzi except for the ones on motorcycles. "Tell them you're with two Council EHWs, Raptor and Rogue, and you're perfectly safe. Have them help us get rid of these guys and tell them you'll call with an exact address of where we're going as soon as we ditch them."
I'm leading them on a wild goose chase through the city and then disappear completely into the darkened streets down a tiny alley while Henry relays the message to his security detail. We ride in silence the rest of the way while he continues to stare at my belly. I pull his car up to a giant brick building with big old windows beside the River Thames just outside the main part of London.
"Where are we?" He asks looking around as a giant tin door slowly away before us and I gun it the last few feet, squealing the car inside the giant warehouse space of the old factory and the door closes behind us.
"Someplace safe." I answer Henry without looking at him parking the car beside my own. I can't look at him until we're in a space I can deal with this and him. He follows me into the open freight elevator silently and Nyah behind him a few feet trying to give us space. When we reach the top floor and I open the gate and flick on the lights, he stops dead in his tracks looking around. The dreary exterior belies what an amazing space this actually is on the inside and this time he's stunned for a good reason. "This isn't a safe house?" He asks wondering about the industrial loft he's just walked into. It's too modern, clean, cozy and 'lived in' to be just a place granting sanctuary to intelligence officers in the area.
"No. This is my place. One of them anyway." I answer him, smoothing my hand down my belly trying to calm the baby wildly bouncing around inside of me with my racing adrenaline.
"It's amazing." He scans the whole wide-open space taking it all in for the first time: the giant glass windows facing the city skyline and the flicker of the lights off the water below, the enormous walls of brick and beams of wood and steel. I don't stop walking to admire him, admiring the view, but head straight towards the bathroom.
"I have to pee. Give me a minute, please." Is all I say as I disappear behind the separation wall into the bathroom space on the far side of the flat. Our baby has been using my bladder as her private dance floor and I can't focus on anything else until I pee. I change clothes into something more comfortable, black stretch pants and soft cotton t-shirt. When I emerge again five minutes later, he's sitting on the sofa nervously fidgeting with his hands. Nyah has taken a seat on the barstool next to the kitchen island, eyeing him warily in silence. He stands immediately to greet me as I enter the room. His eyes sweep over my body taking note of the form fitting shirt I'm now wearing that reveals my small, but very noticeable baby belly now. I walk into the kitchen needing to get a glass of water and this time, his eyes follow me like a hawk. He's no longer ignoring me.
"Can I get you something to drink?" I ask filling my glass of water at the tap. "Water? Tea? Beer? Or maybe something stronger?" I add at the end quietly knowing he's in shock about all this.
He doesn't answer verbally, just shakes his head no softly, never tearing his eyes from me as he follows my movements around the kitchen.
"Nyah, can you please go deal with the paparazzi?" I speak quietly, leaning on the counter near her with my arms crossing over my chest. "We really can't have any of those photos gracing the cover of tomorrow's paper." I need alone time with Henry. The majority of my relationship with him was in secret. We'll both be more comfortable if we're left to have this conversation in private.
"I'm not supposed to leave your side." She reminds me of her orders. "And that's going to take me all night, Jules." She looks at me with knowing eyes. "She's going to have my head if I leave your side at all, let alone all night."
"I'll take care of her if she finds out. And she won't find out." I look at her with pleading eyes that I need to do this alone and I need her help to contain this already horribly evolving evening.
"Who's going to have her head and why isn't she supposed to leave your side?" Henry asks finally finding his voice. "What's going on?" His eyes glance back and forth between me and Nyah.
"I'm under orders from Cassiopeia not to leave her side for any reason. She's supposed to be within my sight at all times until further notice." Nyah answers shifting on her seat and stands slowly.
"Why? What's going on?" He asks again with brows narrowing, knowing I'm fully capable of taking care of myself and don't need anyone protecting me. "I'm not going to hurt her, Nyah." He chokes out quietly, voice tinged a little with anger and deeply furrowed brows.
"I'm not here to protect her from you." Nyah shakes her head. "This is very dangerous, Henry." She doesn't hold back, waving one hand towards my pregnant belly. "In case you've forgotten as an heir, pregnancy is forbidden for us and this is a crime punishable by death for her." His eyes widen and flash around wildly looking from her to me, my belly, and back to Nyah. Cleary, he had forgotten those rules. "Until we can find a solution, I'm under orders to stay by her side and help protect her."
"Nyah, please." I step forward gently squeezing her forearm. "I need some time alone with him." I look deeply into her big brown eyes. "And I need your help in dealing with the photos they've taken." I take a deep shaking breath trying to calm my nerves. She can see I'm struggling and relents with a soft head nod. "Thank you."
Slowly, she drags herself towards the door. I know she's reluctant to leave and go against Cassiopeia's orders but her loyalty to me as my friend is overriding her duty.
When she's gone, Henry and I continue to stare at each other from across the space between us. Both of us seem afraid to close the distance and so I remain standing in the kitchen near the island while he stands in the middle of the living room.
"How far along?" He finally speaks glancing down to my belly.
"Six months." I answer quietly shifting my folded arms over my chest.
"If this is forbidden," He pauses trying to formulate his thoughts in his shock, "Why didn't you, why didn't you take care of this earlier?" He fumbles blindly with his words.
"You mean, why didn't I have an abortion?" I ask saying the words he cannot. When he nods I take a deep breath and move closer towards him. When we're standing just a few feet apart, I answer. "Because by the time I found out I was pregnant, it was too late. I was already well into my second trimester." "Why didn't you tell me until now?" He asks shifting nervously with me so close to him. His eyes are so intense as they look into mine. The connection we have is surging around us and I can almost hear it crackling.
"I only found out one month ago. I was in shock as I'm sure you are now. My belly didn't look like this then. It's only really popped out in the last month." I explain smoothing my hand over the round bump and he swallows hard.
"And you're sure it's mine?" He asks hesitantly. It's a fair question but it feels like a simultaneous kick to the gut and knife through the heart.
"Yes. I'm sure it's yours, Henry. I wasn't with anyone else but you when she was conceived. Only you for the months before and no one in the month after." I add quietly letting him know I didn't move on so quickly. "With how intense we train, sometimes I go for months without a period. It wasn't until I felt her moving that I realized what was happening. I'd gained a little weight but didn't think anything of it since I wasn't in the field as much the last few months."
"When are you due?"
"September 11th." I answer tucking my hair behind my ear.
"Three months." He whispers realizing how fast this is happening.
"Yes, three months." I step back and take a seat on the sofa behind us, tucking my leg up beneath me and resting my hand protectively over my belly. He follows my lead and sits down beside me.
"Do you know what it is?" He asks nervously eyeing my belly.
"A girl." I can't help but smile. "She's perfectly healthy and very active." My hand rests over the spot now where she's kicking and without thinking, I reach for his hand and place it there, covering it with my own. His eyes are full of surprise and terror at what I'm doing until he feels her kick several times and then sees my belly actually move when she does. He seems to be filled with the same awe I feel now. He lifts his other hand slowly and places it on the opposite side of my belly, feeling her move inside me, flipping and rolling, changing positions. Tears fill my eyes feeling his hands cradling our baby within and my hands covering his. To touch him again and have it be like this is overwhelming. We both sit in silence for several long minutes, not moving, just feeling her movements within.
"What do you want me to do?" He's the first to speak. His voice is thick with emotion and he slowly pulls his hands away, looking into my eyes.
"I cannot keep her." My eyes fill with instant tears and I struggle to swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm forbidden to as Council Property. They will either terminate her now, or take her away at birth, place her with a Foster Family until she's old enough to enter The Program as an EHW as I did." His eyes fill with unshed tears and I can see the same horror and disbelief at this reality as I feel.
"But Cassiopeia was able to keep Alexei?" He asks in confusion. He met my adorable nephew while we were all in Brazil when Casey and Ares arrived for their visit.
"Only because Casey is Lady Marie's grandchild. And Alexei, in turn, is also part of the Romanov bloodline. Marie claimed him and so she was able to have the final say in where he was placed. She gave him back to Casey and Ares." I explain speaking quietly. "I have no such bloodline."
"But I do." He nods softly in understanding now.
"Yes." I nod rubbing my belly, "You can claim her. Not even as your heir, but just claim her as your child to The Council. Only then will we have some say in where she's placed and whether or not she ends up like me and put in The Program."
"You don't want to keep her?" He asks with pinched brows.
"They'll never let me keep her, Henry." I feel the first tear slip down my cheek. "I'm Council Property. The only way I'd be allowed to keep her is if we were married."
"Married," His eyes widen and he sighs deeply.
"I'm not saying you have to marry me, Henry." I throw out there quickly, "I'm just telling you what the options are."
"Would you even want to marry me?" He asks warily.
"Henry," I take a deep breath, shaking my head and wipe at my tears.
"You don't want to marry me." He answers the question himself and I can hear the hint of anger in his voice return. "Of course you don't. It was just sex. Right?" His eyes are glistening with unshed tears. "Isn't that what you kept saying? Just sex. No wonder you don't want this baby."
"No," I reach over and grab his arm immediately. "I want this baby very much, Henry. I love her already and I cannot imagine having to give her up." I cry softly in silent tears, "I'd do anything to keep her." I pause inhaling a shaky breath and pull my hand back, "And it wasn't just sex." His eyes catch mine and I can see the surprise, "It was never just sex, Henry." I shake my head. "I think we both know that."
"Then why did you push me away? I haven't heard a single word from you since that last night in December. Not one word. And why insist it wasn't anything more than sex if it was?" He asks as more tears well in his eyes. There is a desperation and pleading to his tone.
"Because I was scared. I'd never felt like that before with anyone in my life and it terrified me." I confess, my thumb is rubbing furiously fast circles over my baby.
"Why is that feeling so terrifying? I'd never felt that way before either. I knew immediately that I loved you. That it was more than sex, Julia. A lot more than sex." The first tear slips from his eye, "I'd never felt more alive and excited and you were terrified?" He asks in confusion.
"You don't understand."
"No, I don't. Explain please."
"Henry, I was terrified because I'd felt something for you I'd never felt before. Something that made me feel just as alive and excited as you're talking about feeling. I knew it the night we met, that it was something much more. That it was a love like I'd never felt before. But I am Council Property, Henry, a spy and human weapon. You are an Heir and Crown Prince. We would never be allowed to be together. I'm forbidden to marry anyone, let alone you." I shake my head as more tears fall. "There is no future for us. Not one that would end happily, so I pushed you away. I'd already tried with Mikael to have something real and the line that divides us kept getting in the way."
"You loved me?" He asks intently zeroing in on the one thing he heard from all of that.
"Of course I do." I inhale a soft cry and feel his lips on mine on an instant. His hands grasp the sides of my head and hold me to him, our lips pressed firmly together in desperation. My mouth opens slightly and his tongue sweeps in to claim me. Feeling this way again with him, is like coming home. A bolt of pure lightening sweeps through us both at being connected once more and a soft cry escapes from the back of my throat. I can taste our salty tears in our kiss and Henry's hands sweep down my back. He leans forward, pushing me back onto the sofa until I'm lying down and he's hovering over me, kissing my face and neck and then lips again. The tears are falling endlessly from my eyes and he pulls back just slightly to look down at me. His hand reaches down tentatively to touch my belly between us he's being so careful not to crush. His fingertips skim over the belly gently in awe, and then looks up at me again. Slowly, he climbs over me once more, placing a hand on each side of my head on the sofa cushion and hovers above me, balancing with one knee on the sofa and the other foot planted firmly on the ground. His intense gaze holds as he lowers his lips to mine and then claims me once more in a sweet kiss. My fingers tangle into the hair at the nape of his neck and pull him down to me. He lowers slowly closer, mindful of the belly and rocks gently back and forth against me. My body is on fire with his every touch and taste and with all the hormones surging through me, all I want is him even though I know we shouldn't be doing this. We haven't solved anything I brought him here tonight to discuss.
"My God, I've missed you, Jules." He grinds out in whisper into my ear as his mouth is licking and kissing his way around my neck and chest, moving up and down, I can feel his bulge straining against his jeans as it grazes against my thighs and lower abdomen, and I'm keenly aware of just how much he's missed me.
"I miss you, too." I admit between kisses. "I've missed you so much, Henry." I cry claiming him with a deep kiss. He's had enough of the foreplay and leans back sweeping me up with him. Our mouths still fused, he carries me towards my bed and lays me down carefully in its center. His hands make quick work of my shirt and when he sees my naked baby belly for the first time, I see a new round of tears flush his eyes. His fingers reach out to gently touch the smooth and taut skin in his utter fascination with this change in my body and the movement within. A slow smile spreads across his face in awe that we'd made this. Our baby was in there and I understood his feelings, having felt the same in the last month but an overwhelming rush now with him, here and like this. He dips his head and places the most gentle of kisses beside my belly button and I can't help but cry. Fingers trail over his ears and through his hair while he delicately kisses his way back up my body and steals my breath with another kiss that consumes me. His hand strokes me through the fabric of my clothes, driving me mad and writhing for more. My pelvis arches towards him of it's own accord and I can't wait anymore. My hands work furiously to start unbuckling his belt and jeans while Henry removes his shirt, ripping it off urgently and sending buttons sprawling everywhere.
"Agh," He gasps when my fingers free his burgeoning cock, and he helps me pull off his boxers with his jeans and kicks them off the bed behind us. With that barrier gone, only one last one remains and his fingers loop into the waistband of my black pants and slides them rapidly down my body. He's feeling the same sense of urgency I feel. It's my turn to hiss when I feel his fingers graze through my slick center, soaking wet already in anticipation and I moan into his mouth while he's flicking my bud with his finger and thumb. His fingertip probes my entrance and makes me squirm.
"I want you." I demand, not in the mood for any prolonged foreplay after being apart for so long and arch my pelvis towards his rock hard shaft again, already dripping with excitement. "Please Henry." I beg when he looks down at me. He moves around the bed, kneeling between my legs, and slowly spreads them apart, lifting my whole body closer to his. His fingers force his excitement down towards my hot core and slowly nudges into my entrance. His hands reach out to hold the sides of my belly and hips carefully and I know he's worried he's going to hurt me somehow. "You won't hurt me." I encourage him, "or her." I add with a reassuring smile.
He watches our bodies become one, slowly sliding into my core while I'm gasping for breath at how amazing it feels. My hands clench the sheets in tight white fists as he fills me up. Every one of his ridges is hitting all the right places and I feel my body already shivering, with knees shaking. He pulls out slowly and then pushes back in with the same maddeningly slow pace. I know he's terrified of hurting me but I'm on fire inside and this feels like sweet torture right now. I need release.
When he drops over me to kiss my lips again, I wrap my hand around the back of his neck so that when he pulls back, he pulls me up with him. We both moan at the sensations of the new angle. My little belly is cocooned between us as I straddle his legs. I swivel my hips against his and we find our sweet rhythm. His fingers dancing up and down my spine while I set the pace now. When my belly prevents us from getting as close I want to and as deep as I'm craving I push him backwards. Henry shifts his legs out from underneath us and I straddle him fully. His hands go to my hips and mine rest on his chest, rocking back and forth. My hair hangs like a curtain when I lean forward and kiss his lips and move my mouth down his neck, laving at his pulse point. My efforts increase his pace as he grows more comfortable with the idea of making love to me while pregnant and not hurting me.
His hand reaches out to graze over my belly again in his new obsession and tears fill his eyes as he looks up at me. "You're so beautiful. So beautiful." He tugs on my wrist until I lean forward and reaches up to capture my lips in a sweet kiss. The way he's looking at me I know what he's going to say. This time I don't stop him from saying it. "I love you, Julia." He whispers against my face with noses brushing and eyes looking into each others. Tears surge forth in my eyes and I smile, capturing his lips hungrily claiming him.
"I love you, too. So much, Henry, I love you." I whisper back pulling away and see his smile.
"Are you still scared?" He asks quietly while we continue to move in a perfect rhythm.
"Terrified." I look down at him and then smile with tears spilling from my eyes. "But loving you feels so right." I lean forward and capture his lips, craving everything about him and this feeling flooding through me. "How can something that feels so right, be so wrong?" I ponder out loud how the connection we feel can be forbidden.
"It's not wrong." He sits up, raking his hands up my back to clasp my face in his hands, "This is the only thing that makes absolute sense to me right now." He kisses his way down my neck. He groans with I tip my head back granting him better access. "God, I love you." He kisses my flesh with sweet kisses, "I love you. I love you." He repeats between kisses and pulls me closer to him. I can taste his tears with mixing with mine again when he kisses me once more making love to my mouth the same way our bodies are: slow and insane but perfectly right. We're both trying to relish the contact and each and every sensation. The spell will likely be broken in the morning when we face reality again, but for tonight, we let go and ignore all the rules about whether or not we're allowed to feel this way. Tonight is ours and the outside world no longer exists.
We're lying side-by-side spooning in the morning as the sunrise begins spilling light through the windows surrounding us. Our linked fingers resting protectively over our baby girl and I'm drifting off to sleep after a long and beautiful night of making love to the man I love. "Julia," I feel Henry's lips kiss the bullet scar on my shoulder and laying his cheek over mine, he whispers. "Marry me?"
My eyes flash open and body tenses with his question.
"Marry me?" He whispers again knowing I'm fully awake now.
I turn underneath him rolling over to face him. Our limbs still tangled and his arms still draping lazily over my hip, our eyes meet. He's staring so intensely at me again, I see everything, he holds nothing back and I know he's asking with all sincerity because he loves me and wants us to be a family.
"This is what I want everyday for the rest of my life." He smiles at me, "Waking up next to you."
"Henry," I feel new tears welling in my eyes. The spell has been broken. Reality is hitting me full force with the light of day.
"I know what you're going to say, that we can't get married. They won't let us. They'll say we're too young. That this is rushed. That it's against the rules. But Julia," He runs his fingertips down the side of my face, "I don't care. I want to be with you and that's not going to change. I'd want to marry you even if there wasn't a baby. I haven't seen you in six months or heard from you at all and I'm just as much in love with you now as I was then. Even more so." He smiles and slides his hand down to palm my belly and our baby within. "There hasn't been a single day that's gone by that you don't consume my thoughts. Every night I fall asleep thinking of you and wake up thinking about you and where in the world you are that day. I don't want to wonder anymore. I want to be with you. Now and always." He smiles, "We're having a baby, Julia. Our baby. We made this." His thumb grazes over my skin. "And that terrifies me and excites me all at once. I know I'm not ready to be a father. But I'll get ready." He smiles and brushes his nose with mine, "I want to do this together. You and me. And the simplest solution to everything is to get married. We keep our baby and no one can take her away from you. We decide her fate and no one else."
"And if they don't let us get married?" I ask in a whisper feeling a tear roll over the bridge of my nose. He's saying everything I've wanted to hear since I found out I was pregnant. That he loved me and somehow, someway, we'd find a way to make this work so that we could keep our baby and stay together. "I'm serious, Henry. We have to talk about the, what if's. I need to have a plan for our baby and we're out of time."
He takes a deep breath looking into my eyes, his fingers playing with the hair over my ear and than trailing down my side to rest once more over my side. He pulls me closer to him beneath the sheet so that my belly is touching his and our baby is safely cocooned between us. "Then I'll still claim her." He sighs and brushes his nose with mine, closing his eyes and relishing the contact between us. "We'll figure it out, Jules. I won't let them hurt you or take her. I promise." His arms wrap around me protectively, resting his forehead with mine.
We fall asleep in this position and when my eyes flutter open, he's still asleep but I'm keenly aware that we're no longer alone. My adrenaline surges and when I sit up come face to face with Casey and Nyah both sitting on the sofa in the living room looking right at us. Nyah is chewing her fingernails, her eyes wild and wide with obvious nervousness while Casey is the picture of serene and calm. Her legs crossed and arm resting on the armrest beside her. It's that telltale fingertip tracing her lips though that gives it away. She's thinking, analyzing as she's been watching us sleep. How long they've been here, I have on idea. I was absolutely exhausted when I fell asleep this morning at sunrise and by the position of the shadows on the floor in my room right now I'd say it's close to 10 AM.
Carefully, I slip out of bed without waking Henry and reach for his discarded shirt on the floor. Most of the buttons have been popped off him our passionate reunion last night but enough remain to sufficiently close the shirt. They've both seen me naked more times than I can count and vice versa, but I can't have the serious conversation I know is coming while naked. I button what I can and stand, tossing my wild mane over my shoulder and make my way towards them on quiet feet. Henry is a deep sleeper thankfully and I'm glad he's not woken. I want to have some time alone with them before he does. When I approach, I see several 8x10 photos taken by the paparazzi last night already printed and strewn over my coffee table. I pick one up taking a seat in the leather chair next to them. Henry is dragging me out of the club, his hand clearly wrapped around my wrist and pulling me along towards his car in High Definition. The look on his face is rather intense. I take a deep breath and set it back down, facing the both of them and rest my hand on my belly.
Nyah speaks first, feeling the need to explain the intrusion apparently. "You forgot to call Henry's security detail last night and give them coordinates of his location." She gulps. My heart starts pounding in realization.
"In other words," Casey chimes in quietly, "It set off a shit storm."