Chapter 20: Ryan Opens Up

Nightfall comes in and Ryan sits on the picnic table, closer towards the cabins as he just sits there and thinks things over and ever since he has come out as bi, his confidence has been up and down, but mostly down due to the form of opinion of what others think of him and he's been struggling to come to terms with his not only his gender identity, but also his music aspirations when it comes to singing to a crowd. He just fears that people will think more of him as bi more than as a musician and it's always been something that's been on the back of his mind. Although his pack members keep encouraging him to own it, he's just finding a hard time to grasp that message further.

He hears some footsteps come towards the table and sees Kendall coming in to sit next to him and Ryan said, "What took you?"

"Sorry about the long wait. I was talking to Aaron for a second. Seems like a cool guy." Kendall replied.

"Yeah, he is." Ryan answered, sadly.

Kendall could tell that something is deeply troubling Ryan a lot and based on the sample of the conversation he had back at the mess hall, now became the time for Kendall to venture inside Ryan's mind and said, "So...when you told me earlier that you're struggling with the fact that you're bi and that being that way is sorta like someone overlooking your music aspiration, what did you mean by that?"

Ryan felt uncomfortable talking about it because it would mean that Kendall would think differently of him and he answered, "I don't know if I can talk about it."

"There's no one here but you and me. You can tell me anything, even if it's not meant to be shared with your friends." Kendall said.

That quote alone sorta made Ryan feel like he could tell him anything he would want to say that comes out of his heart that he would share with the pack, but not sure how to say. He took a deep breath and said, "I came out as bi several months ago or probably a year ago because it feels like I felt like lean on towards having crushes on guys rather than girls. I tried to hide it from everyone, but it just gets hard for me when every source of insecurity I have overtakes who I am. I get picked on about my hair, how I dress and they suspect me of being gay. I'm really bi. There's a huge difference between the two, though I guess they're the same. I want to just forget about what they say, but it gets difficult for me to ignore it because some of it is true. I'm an ugly freak and an emo fairy."

"Don't say things about yourself." Kendall said, completely torn.

"But it's the truth. Besides the pack, who would want me as their friend? I'm just weird and disgusting. I can't even go on stage and show off my musical ability because people are gonna pick on my flaws. I can't be perfect, but I don't want people to look beyond my talent and they can only see my flaws and that I'm bi. There were points that I just wanted to commit suicide, but I couldn't even bring myself to do that. Maybe it would be better off I just don't exist at all and that would make everyone else happy." Ryan said, tearing up.

It hurt Kendall to hear every single word Ryan said and he related to those personal issues Ryan's facing and the fact that there's a possible chance for him to commit suicide soon because of the fact that he's bi scares him a lot and Kendall said to Ryan, "Why would you want to throw your life away because of what other people think?"

"I just want to please people." Ryan added.

"Ryan...you can't always follow everyone's expectations of you. No one's perfect. I mean...I'm bi too. I've never been perfect at all. I have the spiky hair and piercings to prove this point and you...you're awesome. I see nothing but an amazing person and the fact that you're sharing this story shows how much courage you have to speak up even if you're afraid to. And I would want you as a friend...or maybe more than a friend." Kendall said.

That surprised Ryan the most because he felt like he could never find the one that he would fall in love with someday and with talking to Kendall and getting his feelings out, it feels like he can confide in Kendall for everything and he looks directly into his eyes and it's like two souls coming alive together and Kendall gently strokes Ryan's cheek for a second and soon enough, Kendall comes closer and puts his lips on Ryan's and they kissed each other for a second.

Afterwards, Ryan seemed shocked as to what just happened, but reality sets in...Kendall loves Ryan for who he is.

"You'd take me as I am?" asked Ryan.

"To the moon and back." Kendall answered.

Before long, both of them were kissing each other in the lips and just embracing each other as their tongues explore each other's mouths and exudes new love in his life and they wrapped their arms around each other as they keep kissing under the pale full moonlight. Kendall kept breathing as Ryan lets out a few soft moans as they're kissing and after they were done, they just stared at each other for a second and said, "We should head back to the cabin."

"Okay." Ryan replied.

Both of them got up and headed back to the cabin, holding hands and both of them were surprised to see Seth and Slade making out too and both jaws were dropped and Ryan said, "Seth!"

Seth and Slade immediately turned around and found themselves caught kissing each other and Seth said, "Ryan! Uh...this is not what it looks like."

Kendall chuckles at this and said, "We just got done kissing too."

"So...you guys are a couple now?" asked Slade, chuckling.

"Yeah. And I see that you guys are too." Ryan added, with a smile.

Slade and Seth had no idea how to react or respond to that, but it's all becoming clear that the four of them are in love with each other, but that love will grow stronger and that will be the catalyst for what their summer at Camp Harmony will eventually become.