A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took longer than usual. I've been down with the flu all week, so while I technically had plenty of writing time (since I was home instead of at work), I had no energy or mental cohesiveness to actually write. I appreciate all of the reviews you wrote while waiting; they helped motivate me. Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, BK2U, who always catches things that I've missed.
Chapter 17: Tobias – Moving Forward
Tobias can't stop fidgeting as they wait in the park, the cold February weather penetrating through his thick coat. The place is deserted, which is hardly surprising on a weekday this time of year; that's probably why Evelyn picked it.
"She should be here soon," Tris reassures him, looking almost as nervous as he feels. But personally, he's not so sure that his mother will actually show up. She clearly doesn't trust him, or they'd be meeting at her home, or his, or somewhere else inside. Not on the frozen ground of a park used primarily by the homeless.
His gaze catches on a form that's approaching from a nearby street, a coat bundled too tightly around it to reveal anything about its owner. That could be her, and he watches until the unknown person branches off in a different direction, missing them. A sigh of frustration emanates from him.
"Tobias." Tris' voice is tense, and he turns around quickly. Immediately, his focus is drawn where hers is – to another figure wrapped securely against the cold. This one seems to be heading directly toward them.
"It's her," he breathes out. He's not entirely sure how he knows – something about her gait, perhaps. But regardless, he's certain. And abruptly he's a nine-year-old child again, staring at the mother he hasn't seen since then. His fingers grasp at Tris' gloved ones.
Neither of them speaks as the woman comes slowly closer, pausing every now and then as if she's considering making a run for it. When she's finally less than ten feet away, she stops, staring intently at Tobias, her thoughts hidden behind her neutral expression.
Not that he can do anything more than stare back. It has been almost two decades since he last saw her, and it's not easy to reconcile his distant memories with the woman standing before him. His eyes roam her face, taking in her hooked nose, her spare upper lip, and her strong jaw and chin – the same features that greet him in the mirror every day. Not surprisingly, she's aged, and he looks at the lines that weather her face, showing the harshness of her life, before he meets her gaze.
He remembers those eyes. They're the same beautiful deep brown, almost black, that they always were, but in his memories, they're filled with love. They don't seem that way today.
Tris finally breaks the dead silence that's hanging in the air. Stepping forward, she extends the hand that Tobias isn't holding. "Evelyn, I'm Tris. Tobias' girlfriend."
The older woman's eyes turn toward her, inquisitively, as if she didn't even notice Tris' presence until that moment – and can't quite imagine why she's here. After several long seconds, she takes the proffered hand, shaking it briefly before fixing her gaze on her son again.
"Tobias," she acknowledges simply, her voice tight. He swallows, clueless what to say – or even what to call her. "You look just like your father." There's an almost clinical detachment to her tone, but the words dig deeply into Tobias. He's been looking at her and seeing all the traits they have in common, while she sees nothing but Marcus. And that's a comparison he would gladly have lived his life without hearing, especially from the woman who shared that man's abuse.
Instinctively, he backs away a half-step, unable to respond to the unexpected attack. Maybe he should just leave. But before he can do that, Tris steps between them, her body rigid. "Appearances can be deceiving." There's cold anger in her voice. "He's nothing like Marcus."
For the second time, Evelyn turns her attention to Tris, her eyes moving up and down the shorter woman's form. "Like you would know." Her tone is more than a little contemptuous. "Trust me, my dear, you don't know what someone is like until after you've been married for a few years."
It's an even lower blow, and it edges Tobias closer to walking away. Clutching spasmodically at Tris' hand, he tries to pull her with him. Clearly, this was a mistake.
But his girlfriend doesn't budge. Instead, she continues to glare at his mother, speaking firmly. "I have known Tobias for almost twelve years. And we've spent eighteen months of that time dating. Trust me – he is nothing like Marcus in any of the ways that matter."
The statement isn't entirely accurate, since she left out the decade they were apart, but right now he barely notices that. Instead, what resonates through him is her certainty. There is no doubt whatsoever in her as she stares down the woman before them, making it crystal clear that Tobias is not the person Evelyn assumes him to be.
Her confidence gives him the strength to finally speak. "Stop it," he states succinctly, cutting off his mother as she opens her mouth to retort. "Just stop." Somewhat surprisingly, they both do, focusing on him again, and he steps closer to his mother as he pulls Tris to his side. "I don't want to talk about him. I haven't even seen him in a decade, not since I turned eighteen." Something unreadable flits across Evelyn's face. "And I don't plan to ever see him again." His deep blue eyes meet her brown ones. "I'm here to talk to you, to see if there's any chance for us after twenty years apart."
For a moment, he's certain that Evelyn is about to walk away, her face twisted sourly. But then she swallows it down, the side of her mouth in a hard line. "Fine." She gives a little nod to emphasize the word. "Let's start with the obvious. Why didn't you visit me in prison?"
It's difficult not to gape at that. "I didn't know where you were," Tobias sputters. "All Marcus told me was that you left." His voice grows smaller as he adds, "And that you didn't want to be my mother anymore."
Evelyn scoffs, as if the idea is so absurd Tobias should have known better. And maybe he would have, if he hadn't been a terrified nine-year-old abandoned by his only protector. It takes a moment for Evelyn to grasp that he's serious.
"He didn't tell you at all?" Her eyebrows arch, her tone incredulous. "I assumed that he was holding that over you, to prove how hopeless it was to go against him."
Tobias just shakes his head. In the last month, he's replayed so many comments of his father's, trying to figure out if there were hints that he'd missed, but there was nothing obvious. Marcus kept this secret well – like so many others.
A long sigh drags out of Evelyn, her expression slowly changing to one of defeat. "I should have known," she finally mutters bitterly. "He visited me every month, to remind me that he still held all the power." Her tone is vicious. "That was how he kept me from saying anything about the abuse – he told me that he'd kill you if I did. And he promised that if I was good and kept quiet, that maybe he'd bring you to visit. I should have realized it was just another lie."
Silence falls between them again, both of them rethinking the assumptions they'd made and the opportunities they'd lost. Finally, Tris brings up the elephant in the room. "Why did you do it?"
Evelyn's eyes snap to the younger woman, but without as much antagonism this time. Instead, she suddenly seems weary – with decades' worth of weight pressing her down. "He didn't give me much choice," she answers softly. "His death threats were getting more and more frequent, and I knew he meant them. And he had too many friends among the police for me to report him." Her gaze moves to her son. "I thought about just taking you and running, but I would have been considered a kidnapper, and the risk of being caught was too high." The corner of her mouth tugs into a grimace. "And then he would have killed us both."
Tobias nods, understanding her train of thought, at least to some degree. It's not like he didn't fantasize about killing Marcus, too – his youth was filled with desperate dreams of finding a way to be free, and they all involved Marcus no longer being there. If he'd been in his mother's position, trying to protect both of them, maybe he would have followed through.
"Do you regret it?" he finds himself asking. It's the question that's been haunting him most since he learned what really happened.
"I don't know." There's a frailty to Evelyn's admission. "I regret getting caught, and not being able to see you. To be there for you." She looks down, her brow furrowed. "And if I had succeeded, I suppose maybe I would have felt bad about it for other reasons." A shoulder lifts. "But I'll never really know."
It's not exactly an answer, but Tobias nods anyway. After everything Marcus did, he can't blame Evelyn for that uncertainty. Deciding to let the subject rest, he instead asks, "Did you try to find me after you were released?" Perhaps it's the masochist in him, but he needs to know if they lost the last ten years because he left the city, or if they never would have had them anyway.
Evelyn's gaze drops to the ground, a touch of shame on her face. "I thought you had made your decision, Tobias. So, no, I didn't. I figured you would get in touch if you wanted to."
Despite everything, a trickle of relief flows through Tobias at the answer. At least he doesn't have to live with that particular guilt.
As if to reiterate his exoneration, Tris squeezes his hand. "That wasn't your fault," she says intently, but when he looks down at her, he sees that her gaze is on Evelyn. "It wasn't either of yours. Marcus kept you both in the dark."
Slowly, his mother focuses on Tris again, but this time their interaction is very different. Something wordless passes between them as their eyes meet, woman to woman. "This is a fresh chance," Tris emphasizes. "Don't let it go."
There's a palpable shift in the cold air when Evelyn nods, a trace of a smile touching her mouth. "You're right," she finally admits. And Tobias, standing beside them, feels a hope that hasn't been present for far too long. Perhaps it's not too late for him to have a mother after all.
They end up migrating back to Tobias' apartment, trying to escape the arctic winds as they begin the slow process of filling in their years apart.
"This is nice," Evelyn comments, letting Tobias take her coat as she looks around his living room. Her gaze lingers for a moment on the one piece of artwork that adorns the long living room wall – Tris' Christmas gift to Tobias – before flitting over the relatively new furniture and sparse decorations. "A bit plain, but nice."
"Yeah, I've been trying to get him to put more up on the walls," Tris comments, smiling at the painting, "but he's a 'plain and simple' kind of guy."
Evelyn's lips lift before dropping again as competing memories emerge. "I'm afraid he gets that from his father." She hesitates, apparently trying to figure out how to be kinder, before adding, "But if you've gotten him to budge at all, then he's more giving than Marcus." It's not much of a concession, but Tobias decides to accept it anyway.
The cats pick that moment to emerge, greeting them with their usual enthusiasm, though DC looks warily at the stranger. Tobias doesn't miss the way his mother's mouth opens in surprise as she stares at them.
Turning to Tris, she speaks in an almost awe-struck voice. "And he's certainly much better than his father if he lets you have pets."
Tobias gives a wry chuckle, understanding his mother's mistake – and proud to be able to correct it. Pets are yet another thing that Marcus refused to allow, but he is definitely not his father. "Actually, they're mine." His lips lift at Evelyn's startled expression. "I got them a few years ago, in Boston." Smiling softly at Tris, he adds, "But I think it's fair to say they consider themselves hers, too, at this point."
His girlfriend returns the smile, crouching down to pet a still-nervous DC. "Yeah, it took a long time to win this guy over." She rubs his neck, clearly enjoying the way he responds eagerly, compared with how he used to run and hide. "He's shy, but now that I practically live here, I guess I've won him over."
There's a slight pause as she seems to realize what she just said. Her eyes fixed on the cat, she bites her lip uncertainly, a slight flush starting to rise up her cheeks. But Tobias feels an enormous grin growing on his own face, thoroughly reveling in the idea that Tris feels like she almost lives with him.
Evelyn, on the other hand, seems surprised by the statement. "So, this is just Tobias' apartment?" She glances questioningly at her son before returning her gaze to Tris. "You don't live here?"
"Um, no." She scratches the back of her neck uncomfortably as she rises to her feet. "I mean, I feel like I do sometimes, but no. Not yet, anyway."
"Soon, though, I hope," Tobias finds himself saying, letting his gaze rest on Tris. She returns it, uncertain at first, but more confident the longer he holds it.
"Soon," she finally agrees, a soft smile playing on her mouth.
As they both turn back to his mother, shifting the conversation to include her again, Tobias can't help but feel that this day is going very well after all.
Evelyn stays through dinner, a move that surprises all of them, but which proves to be a good thing. There's something nicely ordinary about sitting down and eating together, fending off the cats in the process, that connects them more than a strained conversation in the park ever could.
"I'll see you next week," she murmurs as she prepares to leave, looking a bit teary-eyed at being invited back so soon.
"Definitely," Tris agrees, pulling the older woman into a gentle hug. Evelyn returns it hesitantly before facing her son.
For a second, the two of them stand frozen, uncertain how to proceed, and then they're embracing in a way they've both needed for so many years. It sends a rush of emotions pressing around Tobias' heart.
"I love you," his mother whispers as she holds him fiercely.
His response is instinctive, drawn from deep inside him, but he knows it's true. "I love you, too, Mom."
They hold each other a moment longer, and then she's out the door and he's watching her go, feeling as if she's simultaneously taking and returning a part of him with each step. The effect is strangely healing.
"Are you all right?" Tris asks, her arms slipping around him.
"Better than all right." He closes the door, locking it before wrapping his own arms around her, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I hadn't realized how much I needed this." Her smile presses against his chest. "Thank you, by the way," he adds. "You were amazing with her."
He feels her nod, her hair brushing against his neck. "I'm glad I was here. I think it's easier for her to trust women at this point." That's probably true, and he accepts the statement wordlessly, his mind going through all the topics they discussed today. One in particular stands out.
"So, when are you moving in, Tris?" He asks it baldly, no longer wanting to shy away from the subject.
But Tris seems less willing to discuss it now. "Tobias…." Her tone is soft. "You know I love you, and I meant what I said, but you shouldn't make that offer tonight. It would be like taking advantage of you, with everything that happened today."
A huff of laughter comes out of him. "Taking advantage?" He backs away enough to see her. "In what possible way? I am not drunk, and I'm certainly thinking clearly, and it's not like I haven't thought about this plenty before today." He shakes his head, knowing she means well but genuinely struggling to follow her train of logic. "Tris, I want you here. Today, tomorrow, whenever you're ready – I'm not going to change my mind."
She's silent as she considers that. When the sides of her mouth start twitching, he knows her answer, and suddenly he can't contain his excitement any longer. Moving rapidly into his room, he begins yanking clothes out of his closet, shoving the remainder to the side to clear half of it.
He's in the process of dumping a handful of older items onto the floor, figuring he'll donate them to free up space, when he realizes that Tris is standing in the doorway, having followed him in here. She looks amused by his enthusiasm.
"Which drawers do you want?" he asks without preamble. "Or do you want to bring your bureau here?" He glances around, figuring out where it will fit. "There's room for it there. Or we could rearrange. I'm good either way."
A laugh slips from her, and he meets her gaze as wide grins stretch across both of their faces. "I'll bring my own bureau," she reassures him, stepping closer, her hands tugging at the front of his shirt. He leans down to touch his lips to hers; it's an awkward kiss, since he can't stop smiling. "But Christina will need time to find a new roommate, so I should give her notice. Does the end of next month work for you?"
"Absolutely," he breathes before kissing her again, more deeply this time. "It can't get here soon enough."
A/N: I'm afraid it will probably be more than a week before the next chapter is posted, since I'm still very sick. In the meantime, please let me know what you thought of this chapter. Your reviews always cheer me up when I'm feeling miserable. :-)