Better Than Me- Hinder

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

Living with Joanna Beth Harvelle was not as easy as Dean thought it would be. When Cas casually notified him that he'd invited her to stay in the bedroom Sam had just vacated, Dean mumbled his approval. He would never turn Jo away but he didn't expect her to have such an impact their living arrangement.

She wanted to change everything in the apartment. She tried to add a chore board splitting the cleaning detail among the three of them. She put little scented candles in the bathroom that smelled like sugar cookies. Why the hell would he want to smell sugar cookies in the bathroom? In rebellion, he'd made a bigger mess around the apartment which agitated her to no end. He purposely blew out her candles and erased her chore board every day till she gave up.

She was driving him crazy, especially when she was trying to change everything. But if he really admitted it, he was happy to be stuck with her. He loved her. He'd always loved her. He remembered clearly that day he kissed her raspberry red lips. They were as soft and sweet as he'd always imagined. He had always been attracted to her since he'd first met her. Her beauty was complimented by her no no-nonsense personality. He tried to think of her in a sisterly way but as she got older, he couldn't deny his feelings. Their intensity had built over the years it had scared him more than he'd ever been scared in his whole life. He was certain they are what made him follow her into the woods that day. He was supposed to be meeting Bela for their weekly make out session but when he saw Sam run through the woods, he knew Jo was out there alone. The thought of her standing in there in the middle of the forest, her eyes covered, counting to 10. It was the perfect opportunity for any guy to steal a kiss. He'd known that Jo had never kissed a boy…she had shared that much with Sam who casually mentioned it to Dean. Dean was glad..he hated the thought of anyone else getting to taste her lips. He deserved to be the first. And then it happened…he taunted her into kissing him. Probably not the best basis for a first kiss but it was worth it. All the feelings he'd felt with her flooded him. And in typical Winchester style, he didn't know how to deal with them so he did what came naturally. He shut her out. He knew it was stupid and he regretted how he'd treated her afterward. He should talked to her and held her hand, caressed her cheek..told her how much he cared about her. Instead, the first thing he did was call her a child and ran away as fast as his legs would carry him towards Bela.

He had every intention of apologizing the next day when he saw her with Sam but she simply held her high and walked away. And never looked back. From that day on, because she was one of Sam's best friends, he had a ring side seat to every relationship she paraded in front of him He had to grind his teeth when he passed her in the hall holding hands with some moron smiling at each other. He had to clench his fists every time he had to see those jerks touch her.

Dean had tried his best to move on and did a pretty good job of forgetting she existed by running through an endless stream of girls. Till now, till today..when she was so close all he had to do was move closer and he could have….

"What are you thinking about so intently?" A female voice asked. "Who is she?"

Dean looked up from the bar he was wiping down to see Charlie walking towards him. She was a petite red head with green eyes. Not at all unlike the red head girl he took home last night..Andrea? Annie? Anna? He couldn't remember. Charlie was just as beautiful but she preferred her dates a little more feminine.

"What makes you think I'm thinking about a girl?" Dean asked.

"Oh that moony look you have on your face. Spill. Who is she? It's not that redhead is it? Skanky..you can do better, Dean."

"Hey, you're a red head," he reminded her before turning his back from where she was leaning over the bar.

"Hmm keeping it a secret. I see how you are." Charlie said giving him an impish smile, not allowing him to change the subject.

"It's not a secret. Really, I wasn't thinking about anyone."

"Sure you were. I'm psychic, I can pick up on these things. Besides you should have seen the look on your face. So who is she? You can tell me," she tried to persuade.

"Aww Charlie, you know I'm saving myself for the day when you come to your senses and dump Gilda for me," he said with just a hint of sarcasm but trying to steer the subject to neutral ground.

"Yeah well I won't want you if you keep going through the entire female population on campus," she said returning the sarcasm. "Besides why would I trade the hot lead singer of the band for a bartender?"

He shrugged as he wiped down the counter. "No cover charge?"

"I'm in the band. I never have a cover charge." Charlie frowned.

"Did you come over to get on my nerves or can I get you something?"

"A beer?"

"Did I miss your birthday? I thought it was in two weeks." he replied grabbing a glass and filling it with soda.

"Aww c'mon Dean, one beer..what could it hurt?" she said batting her dark lashes at him and he laughed as he placed the soda on the bar in front of her.

"Gee..Thanks," she said as she put a dollar in the tip jar. "Any requests for tonight?"

"Surprise me." he said giving her a half smile.

"Hmmm I may do just that." She said taking a sip "Is Jo coming in tonight?"

Jo usually took the stage in the middle of the set so Gilda could grab a break from singing. It was funny that in all the years Dean had known her, he had never known Jo could carry a tune until Charlie convinced her to take the stage. He immediately felt his smile turn into a frown before he could stop it. "I don't really know," he replied tightly.

He tried to turn from Charlie's stare but she'd already noticed his reaction.

"Oh my God…you've got a thing for Jo."

"Now Charlie, " Dean protested but she raised her hand to stop him.

"Don't lie to me, Dean…it's written all over your face."

Dean thought it over. He had never been successful in trying to lie to Charlie. It was a wasted effort."Yeah well..it's not gonna happen."

Charlie agreed "It might not..I mean she knows you're full of shit. I can imagine that she's immune to your charming and beguiling ways."

Dean took his towel from his shoulder and began to wipe the counter. "Something like that."

Charlie waited before speaking again. "And she obviously has known you forever..so she might not even care about you that way."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" he asked grumpily.

"Actually," Charlie added "I always thought she had a thing for Sam."

"Well great, thanks Charlie..I'm glad we could have this talk but I think I'm done."

Charlie leaned over the bar and punched him in the arm playfully "Dean! I was just trying to get a reaction…a hint of your intentions."

"I don't have any intentions," he shrugged "It's not a big deal…these feelings will fade as soon as she finds some other place to live. Besides it'll never work so why even try?"

"Well that's awfully gallant of you, making decisions for her. Women really loooove that."

Dean shook his head "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're taking the easy way out. You're a chicken."

"I'm not a chicken," he said defensively "I'm just being honest."

"Honestly a chicken," Charlie scoffed.

Dean turned to the sink to rinse off some glasses. "And I think we're done talking about that."

"Why?" Charlie pressed "Because then you'd have to give up your army of skanks?"

Dean frowned and Charlie immediately felt guilty.

"She deserves better," he replied shrugging.

"Dean," Charlie's expression softened "how can she choose you if you don't let her know you're an option."