Chapter Three: High Ones' Will
Skywise looked up at Timmain, as if his heart would break from the sight of her. He wondered once again why Timmain insisted on wearing no clothes. It was not that he objected. Quite the reverse. Her beauty had been hard to ignore, of late. All that talk of Recognition had led him to have ideas above his station. He looked away, to the flickering Scroll of Colors.
Suddenly he realized he was crying. And then Timmain was there, holding him. Her hair smelled of wolf fur more than elf hair. **Timmain… Timmain…** he sent, while sobbing, feeling like a child now.
Timmain turned his head to face her golden eyes. **Skywise… why do you cry?** She asked, and he realized she really did not know, had never known, never guessed his feelings for her. She was, he knew, his distant ancestor, and of course she would see all the wolfriders as her children.
**Is this what I gave up Timmorn's blood forever for? Kahvi despises me, despises our Recognition. Even now I can feel her anger in a distant part of my mind. She curses me for many things.** Skywise said, but he had to close his eyes from the intensity of Timmain's gaze. It was the truth, but it was only half the truth.
**How do you feel about Kahvi?** Timmain's question, deceptively simple, opened a vista inside him he'd rather not consider at all. **She is not what I expected.**
Timmain shook her head, and her snow-white hair shimmered in the colorful light from the Scroll. **Recognition is never what we expect, Skywise.**
**But you are a High One!** He objected. **Surely it is with in your power… we always say that Recognition is the High Ones' will.** He tried to explain a thought, half a thought, a feeling, a profound belief he found torn from its roots.
**And so it is. We designed it, and we set it loose in the world, to give our children what they needed to survive. We could not call it back even if we were all here in the Palace today. It is in your blood. It is part of who you are.** Timmain explained.
**And do High Ones Recognize?**
Timmain shook her head. **We called it something else. It didn't bring us children, not when we travelled through space.**
Skywise shook his head, copying her gesture. It was still strange to him to see Timmain in the Scroll as a hairless, cone-headed creature. Somehow he'd always known which one was Timmain, though others said they all looked alike. **So the Firstborns were not born of Recognition?**
Timmain smiled, and looked even more beautiful. **They were born of High Ones' will. Who can say what is the difference?**
Skywise sighed. **And what is the High One's will, tonight? Should I court Kahvi, like Cutter courted Leetah? Should I force her to stay with me, like Tyldak kept Dewshine as his pet in Blue Mountain? She is Kahvi, Timmain! It'd be as futile as trying to keep Bearclaw from gambling with trolls! There is no telling Kahvi what she should do, ever! Anyone that tries to she just walks over. She knows my soulname. She'll speak it aloud, if she thinks that will win her something.**
**You fear her.** It was not a question.
**I am in terror of her, Timmain! Her soul… it is the Daystar. Leetah would say, what a pretty way to describe a female. Leetah would completely miss the point. In Kahvi's light there is no space for the stars. They fade out into the sky's blueness.** Skywise withdrew from Timmain's arms, looked down at his hands. "She called me a daft stargazer. I didn't mind at the time. But her being is so different from mine… the core of her soul is fire." He said this aloud.
**The core of every star is fire, Skywise. You would have felt the same, had it been Vurdah, had it been Foxfur, had it been Aroree. All stars are the Daystar when seen up close. Have you forgotten already?**
Skywise shivered. The hearts of the stars… he had seen the hearts of the stars, through the Palace wall. They were boiling cauldrons of liquid flame. He had been torn between fascination and terror.
**I have not forgotten. But what am I, then?**
"Master of the Palace." Timmain spoke aloud. This was something she rarely did nowadays, and Skywise was startled. Somehow, between the two of them, sending had always flowed easier. It was spoken words, now, that had more weight between them, as if everything had been reversed.
"And… is that all?" Skywise asked.
Timmain laughed. **Is a drop of water the ocean? Is a tree the forest? If she is the Daystar, then you are the night between stars – and it might look like you are opposites, but what embraces the Daystar closer than planets in orbit is this filament of nothingness, the night between the stars.**
Skywise made a wry face. "I think I liked 'daft stargazer' better."
**You know better than to fish for compliments from me, young friend. I say what is on my heart. Fighting Recognition – do it, if you must. You shall both be miserable. What you fear is the loss of your freedom, but tell me, don't you think Kahvi of all people would appreciate freedom as something you could both give each other? If you argued your case well, you could be done with this all in one night.**
Skywise sighed again. **So we thought it would go with Dewshine and Tyldak. But it was not the end of it. Recognition is not an end, it is a beginning, always. I dread what is about to begin. I do not think I could let her walk away, not knowing if I'd ever see my child. I missed Yun's childhood. I would rather not miss my chance to be a real father again.**
Timmain placed a hand on his shoulder. **I understand. But this is a knot you'll have to untangle yourself. You want things that pull you in different directions. You will need to choose a path, and stick to it. And Kahvi will need to choose hers. Give her a little time. And do not tell her her soulname, yet.**
Skywise stared at Timmain. Tell her her soulname… did Timmain mean… Kahvi did not know?
Timmain smiled, stood up, and walked away. Behind Skywise, the Scroll of Colors was showing the Frozen Mountains being torn in two by Rayek's misuse of the Palace's powers. The image flickered, and became just dancing flames. The Lights of the Frozen Lands… thrown over a sky of stars. Or perhaps… simply the firepit in the lodge, the night Yun was sired. Skywise would have known, had he looked that way. He didn't.