Crushed- Rosette

Crushed
By the sweetest lips I've never kissed
How you bring the tips and the warmest touch I've always missed
Crushed
By the softest hands I've never held
Probably never tell,
You're the strongest love that I've ever felt
Crushed
That I haven't ever let you know
How it always goes
Cuz I lose my nerve whenever you get close
And so I'm left,
Short of breath
With that heavy feeling in my chest
Baby I'm so crushed

A few hours later, Castiel was helping Jo onto the couch in their apartment. He lifted her head gently and placed a soft pillow under her head before tucking a down blanket around her. He handed her the remote and stood back to admire his handy work.

"Do you need anything else?"

She shook her head and smiled softly up at him. "No, Cas…I'm alright…"

He simply nodded back at her and stood but immediately was right back at her side when he noticed her eyes welling up with tears. He gripped her hand tightly and wrapped a strong arm tightly around her.

"Jo…you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to…" he whispered to her

She just shook her head sitting up, feeling her body tremble as she finally began to feel the weight of everything that had happened to her. It had hit her like a ton of bricks, abruptly and completely without warning. She was finally letting go and allowing her mind to scream out its natural response that she had desperately and stubbornly been repressing since she had woken up. She was finally scared shitless.

She allowed him to wrap his other arm around her in a protective embrace.

"Cas…this is all my fault…"

"No…no…" he soothed "You didn't do anything wrong."

She lifted her head to see his face more clearly and looked him square in the eye. "No…you don't understand, Cas. I…I let him touch me and hold me… I was practically inviting him to sleep with me…"

"Jo," he interrupted sternly. "All of that doesn't mean anything. He was still the one that was trying to take advantage of you…how many drinks did he give you? Think about that…he obviously wanted you to keep drinking and everything you just said was just the effects of the alcohol. It wasn't you. You didn't do anything wrong."

She shook her head desperately and felt another wave of tears flood her eyes. "I was going to sleep with him. I had decided before I came from the bathroom, before he started giving me drinks…I had already made up my mind. God, I just feel so…disgusting…what the hell was I thinking?"

Castiel looked uncomfortable at her admission but he soldiered on "You can't blame yourself for this."

She winced. "I know, I know…I just wish I had listened…"

His brow furrowed in confusion. "Listened to who?"

She shook her head. "Never mind…I just want to sleep for a while, alright?"

He nodded and released her gently, her head resting back on the pillow. He stood carefully and walked swiftly over to the lazy-boy across from her.

"I'll be right here in case you need anything. Just let yourself rest now."

"Where is Meg?" Jo asked as she settled under the blanket he'd covered her with.

"Asleep in my room,"he replied as he setup a pillow and a blanket as a make shift bed.

"Is she ok?" Jo asked as she watched him. "She's not angry, is she?"

Castiel shrugged. Meg had been less than happy after the scene at the hospital.. He knew she was also still angry that he'd left her alone for most of the day.

Castiel sighed "She'll get over it."

A brief silence passed over them.

"Why is she back, Cas?" Jo asked curiously, glad to have something else to think about.

"I'm not sure. I presume because she has nowhere else to go. I'm her safety net," he admitted sadly.

"Doesn't that hurt you?"

"Not so much anymore," his sad voice replied in the dark.

"You're a good friend, Castiel."

"Everyone keeps telling me that," he gave a soft chuckle "Rest now, Joanna."

She smiled and exhaled deeply as her eyes closed. This time, she didn't fight the darkness that crept on her. She most definitely welcomed it.

Two hours later, her eyes fluttered open and she stretched out her arms. She sat up carefully, glancing across the room at Cas, who had nodded off in the chair. She smiled to herself and frowned when her stomach grumbled roughly. Ugh. At least she was starting to feel human again. Pushing the blanket soundlessly to the edge of the couch, she swung her legs over the edge and stood up on stiff, slightly uncertain legs. Stretching her arms over her head again, she padded softly to the bathroom and flipped on the light.

The reflection staring back at her might as well have been from a horror movie. She looked like death. Her hair was mashed against one side of her head and the other side was flipping wildly over her head. Her once perfectly lined eyes were now streaked with dark lines from her tears and the raccoon-effect was definitely not flattering on her. Everyone had been so concerned about her but no one had been concerned about how horrifying she looked? The situation was almost comical. Almost. She started the warm water and proceeded to wash the previous evening off her face. When she still didn't feel better, she gave up and decided to take a hot steaming shower and afterwards put on her favourite fuzzy pj's.

Stepping carefully out of the bathroom, so not to wake Castiel, she crept into the kitchen and propped the refrigerator door open. A soft groan escaped her lips as she surveyed the contents of the refrigerator. There was hardly anything in it. A soft smile tugged at her lips as she tried to decide whether to laugh or be angry. They had no problem eating all the food but had absolutely no idea what the inside of a grocery store looked like. Typical.

She jumped when she heard the front door creak open and turned to see Dean coming in. He froze in the doorway at the sight of her and she immediately noticed the black circle around his right eye. She opened her mouth to speak but clamped it shut almost instantaneously.

He bit his lip nervously and ran a hand through his wildly unkempt hair. He looked like he had almost as rough a night as she had. His clothes were rumpled and there was a slight tear in one of his sleeves but it was the look in his eyes that stunned her. He looked exhausted and nearly defeated. Still, there was a glint of worry and concern in those green eyes that she wasn't used to seeing. Especially directed at her.

He seemed to snap out of it and quietly shut the door behind him. He shoved his hands into his pockets and took a few small steps closer.

"So…" he began softly. "Are you alright?"

His eyes were shining with worry and it took her a moment to form words to answer.

"Yeah…I'm pretty much back to normal. Just really tired."

He nodded carefully, his brow furrowed and his eyes locked on hers with clear concern. "And he didn't…he didn't hurt you, right?"

His jaw clenched as he spoke the words and his eyes glinted with a new hardness now.

She nodded quickly and she heard him let out the breath he had been holding.

"I just got home a few hours ago…and Castiel took good care of me."

He nodded gently and his eyes moved to the refrigerator behind her and she realized that she was still standing by it with the door wide open.

"You hungry?" He asked, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

She nodded. "Yeah, I am…but it looks like some thieves stole all our food."

He smirked and walked around the counter. "Well, I don't know about that but I do know that there's a pizza in the freezer."

He stepped carefully around her, shut the refrigerator for her and began searching for the pizza in the freezer while she turned on the oven. As soon as he shut the door, he was immediately at her side, pushing her gently away from the oven.

"I've got this, Jo. Just, please…"

She rolled her eyes at his insistence and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm perfectly capable of making a pizza."

He sighed with exasperation and stepped in between her and the oven, slowly forcing her backwards until her hips hit the back of the counter.

"I know," he said softly. "Humor me."

He gripped the sides of her hips and lifted her gently onto the counter never breaking eye contact. Time seemed to stop for a moment as he leaned closer. Her heart thundered so loudly she was sure he could hear it. But he abruptly turned back to the oven breaking the spell. When he moved away, she felt cold at the loss of his body heat and confused. She watched him put the pizza in and watched as he ran a hand over his jaw before turning back to her. He leaned against the counter next to the oven and stared nonchalantly at the floor, trying not to meet her gaze.

For some reason, those actions annoyed the hell out of her and she sighed in exasperation and felt her jaw clench with suppressed anger.

"Alright…go ahead and say it."

His head shot up at her voice and his brow furrowed with confusion.

"Say it," she continued with bent-up frustration. "I know you want to…so just get it over with already."

His forehead was deeply creased with confusion now and his head tilted to the side in thought. "Say what?"

Something inside her snapped. "I told you so…go ahead and say it. Say I should have listened to you and that this is all my fault."

Dean's hand gripped the edge of the counter so tightly his knuckles turned white. His face went blank for a split second then it rapidly changed to anger.

"That's what you think I want to say?" He bit out.

She nodded, feeling her arms wrap around herself tightly. He gripped the edge of the counter and she could see that vein pulsing in his forehead again.

"You think," he began again icily. "That's really what I want to say?"

He laughed bitterly and his head whipped around when he heard Castiel stir in the living room. He turned back to Jo after Cas shifted in his sleep.

"So, does it make you happy to know that you were right about him?" She spat.

He shook his head fiercely, taking a cautious step closer to her. "It doesn't make me happy, Jo. How could it possibly make me happy?"

She shrugged and looked away. "I don't know."

He stepped backwards until he was resting against the counter again. "I never wanted anything like this to happen. That's why I warned you about him. But it's not your fault that he was an even bigger asshole than I thought…the fucker deserves everything he gets now."

There was something almost condescending in the way he spoke that pushed her off the edge and suddenly, she couldn't stand being in the same room with him anymore. She was itching to hit something and he was the closest thing to her right now. He'd better watch out.

"And don't think for one second that I'm going to thank you for landing your ass in jail. That was really stupid of you. I can't believe you lost control like that…"

His expression changed abruptly and he matched her rage. "Oh…so, now you're mad at me for beating the shit out of the guy who slipped a date rape drug in your drink? Do they have you on some kind of mind-altering medication? Seriously? You're really going to be pissed at me about this…"

"I just think it was a dumb thing to do. It wasn't going to change anything."

A dark look flashed across his face. "That may be true but he deserved it."

"That may be true but that doesn't mean you had to do it."

"Are you purposely being antagonistic?"

She opened her mouth to respond but closed it when she couldn't think of a decent comeback. He just nodded and his jaw clenched tighter in anger and annoyance. His hands were twisted in tight fists at his side and she wasn't sure if he was going to scream at her or throw the frozen pizza at her.

Instead, he closed the space between them until their faces were only a foot apart. She didn't move. She couldn't move. His fierce eyes held her firmly frozen where she sat.

"Do you want to know what I want to say to you?" he asked reaching to rub her arms with his hands.

He didn't wait for her to respond, continuing to touch her as if to make sure she was real. "I wanted to say that I'm relieved we got there in time. I wanted to say that I'm glad I beat the shit out of him and that spending the night in jail was worth it. And I wanted to say that I'm glad you're alright because if anything ever happened to you…"

He stopped short and his eyes narrowed with malice and he pulled his hands away. "But you don't want to hear what I have to say, do you?"

Then he was gone; a few seconds later, his bedroom door shut quietly behind him, leaving her standing in the kitchen. At that moment, she had never felt so alone.