Chapter 13

Reckless

The letters flashing in front of his eyes made breathing easier. The order was sent and received by his team. He had announced his delay to the others, telling them to begin the preparations on their own. After the weapon was fired, their location would be betrayed to the Republic and the Resistance both. It wouldn't take too long for their enemies to launch a counter attack and they had to be ready for that. Hopefully he and Finn would be long gone by then.

Poe stopped in his tracks when he felt Finn's gloved hand on his elbow. "What?" he asked quietly, hoping that the surveillance teams weren't working at full capacity now that the weapon was about to be fired and they should be busy preparing its launch.

"I just got a new set of orders." Finn said. Hearing his voice distorted through the helmet made Poe's insides clench. He could only hope that soon he'd be able to hear his real voice whenever he wanted. "The Stormtroopers are supposed to line up for assembly outside."

"All of them?" Poe's knees were growing weak. It was the only reaction his body was showing at what was going on now. He leaned back against the lift's wall, bracing himself for the next few vital minutes.

Finn nodded. "They'll notice if I don't show up. They will know something is up."

Poe took another look at his data pad and disconnecting it from the main computer. He still had the files from the new class of Star Destroyers on there. Maybe those would come in useful at some point. Only seven minutes had passed since the order to get to their stations had reached them. Seven minutes and his whole life had been flipped upside down again. He gave himself a moment to breathe, then he shoved the data pad into the inside of his tunic and turned to look at Finn with a crooked smile on his lips.

His heartbeat had slowed down somehow. The fear and the desperation that had governed his every step since his mother's death had vanished within a second after deciding to take this one chance that would either take him away from this place forever or end his life.

"Why are you smiling like this?" Finn asked, agitation clearly audible in his voice. "This isn't funny."

"No." Poe shook his head. "It isn't."

The lift came to an abrupt halt and Poe stepped out into the corridor leading towards one of the minor hangars. And now it was time for the show to begin. He squared his shoulders and forced himself not to smile at Finn again, as he strode into the direction of the hangar, nodding briefly at the TIE-pilots walking past them. The hangar itself was almost abandoned. Not the perfect scenario given what they wanted to do here now. They were too exposed with the hangar in this state. The whole base was on high alert; all eyes trained on something else, but this could still go horribly wrong if they slipped even one bit. What he had to do now, Poe reminded himself, was act as though he belonged here. As if nothing was wrong. He could always say that he was merely here to inspect the Special Forces TIE-fighters personally. Not a good excuse, but it would pass. No one had doubted his authority yet.

He heard Finn mutter something under his breath behind him and it took a moment for him to register what it was. "Okay…" Finn said. "Stay calm. Stay calm."

"I am calm," Poe answered in a normal tone of voice, while he kept his eyes fixed straight ahead and his pace as inconspicuous as possible.

"I'm talking to myself."

He couldn't help but turn around at this, looking back at the Stormtrooper walking behind him like an escort and holding his blaster rifle at the ready. Poe snorted. "Could you be more confident in what we're doing here, please?" he asked, raising his eyebrow and taking out his datapad, when they arrived at one of the launching racks. "Let's go," he mumbled under his breath, pretending to be checking something on his pad and then strolling leisurely to the back of the TIE-fighter rack. Slowly and deliberately Poe stepped up to the control panel embedded in the wall.

Despite his earlier declaration of calmness his arms were as heavy as lead as he raised them to enter the command code that would disengage the fighter from the rest of the rack, but his fingers were numb, their tips barely registering the cold surface of the buttons they were pressing. His mind was racing, forcing him to close his eyes and compose himself for a moment so he could at least try to appear calm. He had never flown a ship in his life. Simulations and steering a speeder were all the experience he had to show for and consequentially the task ahead seemed impossible. How was he supposed to actually fly one of these things? He was no pilot! He was a tactician and-

That was it, he told himself, taking a deep, steadying breath. He knew exactly what he had to expect from this base and the Order. He knew how they operated and he knew, at least in theory, what he had to do in order to avoid being shot down straight away.

At least by now they were out of sight, he told himself. And no one was expecting a single TIE to make a run for it.

"Are you okay?" Finn's hand at the small of his back startled and steadied him at the same time.

"Yes," Poe answered, looking at Finn as the clamps released the Special Forces TIE-fighter they were standing in front of now. "No going back now." And he didn't want to. This place wasn't home anymore and if he was honest with himself, this place had never been that. "Let's go." They had no time to waste. The code sequence Poe had keyed in would have already alerted someone up in the control room. If they were lucky, this would merely count as a malfunction. Still, they had to hurry up.

The inside of the TIE was a lot smaller than he had expected, suffocatingly so even. Poe threw a look over his shoulder to see Finn settling down in the rear gunner's seat. He had left the helmet behind and Poe was grateful for it. Not only were the viewscreens inside the helmets not made to serve a gunner in a space battle, but this also meant that for whatever amount of time they had left, Finn would be without that horrid mask.

Taking another deep breath, Poe turned to look at the instruments and ignored the stabbing sensation in his chest as he thought of the day Morap had run off on him. He too had stolen a ship of the First Order and had blasted on the Starburst's turbo-lasers to dust before jumping to hyperspace with those he had convinced to join him. Poe still couldn't believe he had decided to walk down the same road as his former lover and- but now was not the time! The time for thought would come later, if they were lucky…

The layout in front of him was instantly recognizable and he felt a weight drop off his shoulders as he realized that they didn't differ too much from the TIEs he had flown in simulation during his training at the Academy. Simulations… not the real thing… never the real thing…

The control column to his left felt alien in his hand, as he started the engines, the top hatch closing on them automatically. The small control panel on his right was the one used for the hyperdrive… the navcomputer… he would to set that as soon as he could to get away from here.

"Can you shoot?" Poe asked to distract himself as he fully released the TIE from its docking station.

"Blasters I can!"

Poe nodded. "Fair enough- sorry! Of course you can!" His palms were slick with sweat as he looked out the viewport and the comm started crackling.

"Special Forces TIE-fighter ZERO-EIGHT-ZERO-SEVEN! You do not have permission for take-off. Shut down the engines immediately and get out of the starfighter!" A more or less familiar voice said and it took Poe a moment to realize who the person on the other end was. Pallaeon. The guy who had tried to chat him up back on the Finalizer.

Poe shuddered and didn't reply. It was very likely they'd run his voice through a couple of recognition channels and figure out who the person steering the fighter was. With a single motion, he cut off the comm connection and started the TIE. Immediately he felt himself being thrown back against his seat, as he watched the main hangar of Starkiller base swoosh by. The TIE shook and veered slightly to the left.

"They're firing at us!" Finn shouted, driving Poe's hands to move faster, turning on the deflector shield generator and urging the fighter to speed up.

"No kidding," Poe hissed through clenched teeth, as they shot out of the main hangar. He pulled the control column towards him, immediately realizing that it didn't even weigh remotely as much as he had anticipated, and throwing the TIE up into the air much faster than he wanted to. Already he could feel his stomach twisting violently, but he also felt something else. Something he hadn't fully expected.. elation… elation at seeing the clouds draw ever nearer.

"Poe?! What are you doing!?"

"What?"

"Don't fly in a straight line, you idiot!"

Poe gulped, as he saw a bright green laser beam run past them. "Right! Sorry! Get ready to fire! The Destroyer in orbit is probably already preparing to shoot us down." Heart racing, Poe made sure to heed Finn's warning and veer from left to right in unpredictable patterns. The Finalizer was still near Starkiller, undergoing maintenance, as far as Poe knew, but he was also fairly sure that, while the base itself couldn't aim well at one lone starfighter rushing to get away from it, instead of at it, the Star Destroyer looming threateningly above them was better equipped at shooting them down.

"Stop apologizing and get us out of here! There are five TIEs coming straight at us!"

"I see them!" Poe muttered under his breath, consulting his instruments and seeing them emerging from the hangar they themselves had just started from. Now it was only a matter of seconds, before the Finalizer launched theirs.

Cursing, Poe threw the TIE into a sharp left turn, ignoring the sensation of his stomach being twisted around itself, forming a lump that expanded as soon as he pushed through the atmosphere. He barely even dared taking his right hand off the controls and starting up the navcomputer, when he heard Finn curse and immediately the laser cannons went off, firing at something behind them. Poe's finger slipped and all of a sudden his viewscreen had turned black.

"No!" His right hand trembled, as he held it up, not daring to push another button. "Nononononono!"

"What!?"

"I dunno!"

"POE!"

"FINN!"

"DO SOMETHING!"

Poe shut is eyes. Gave himself half a second to breathe, as the proximity warning sounded shrill in his ears and Finn fired the laser cannons again. Opening his eyes Poe pushed the button closest to the navcomputer and the screen of the viewport turned back to normal and Poe felt his heart drop. The command bridge of the Finalizer was so close, he could practically see the inside of it. Almost ripping the control column from its socket, Poe turned the TIE up again, almost scraping the Destroyer's hull.

Finn's heavy breathing behind him did nothing to calm his nerves. Nothing whatsoever. "Three more coming in!"

"Yeah, I'm on it! Just keep firing!"

"Great idea! I wouldn't have thought of that myself!"

Snorting, Poe did his best to keep the TIE moving as another set of laser beams shot past them. This was so different from being stuck in a model TIE, flying through fake space, shooting down X-Wings… Reaching the side of the Destroyer, he had to remind himself not to go underneath so the tractor beams wouldn't get a lock on them, but this way they were so unbelievably close to the turrets… He swung the TIE to the right. "Aim at those turrets over there!" He shouted, as three more TIEs shot out from underneath the Destroyer.

Finn didn't respond to that but his aim was accurate and on point. Poe veered the fighter to the right to avoid fiery debris of one of their former comrades Finn had shot down. Poe's throat tightened at the thought. Those people they were fighting weren't part of the problem, he knew… he shoved the thought away and as Finn took out a set of laser cannons and another TIE right at their back, Poe shot away from the Finalizer and his fingers moved over to the navcomputer at once.

More laser beams skidding past them, making Poe flinch.

The Destroyer's exhaust engines right at their back.

The stars flashing past them.

His heart thumping violently in his chest…

There! The navcomputer was done with calculations! Without hesitating, Poe pulled the lever starting up the hyperdrive. As the stars started fading into blurred lines and the seeming peace of hyperspace sucked them in, space turning into a whirlwind of blue and white, Poe leaned back against his seat.

Finn's quiet laugh teased a smile out of him. "We did it!" Finn said and Poe could hear the grin in his voice. "Well done, Colonel!"

"Shut up!" Poe laughed, reaching behind him. "Yeah, we did." Their hands met halfway. He gave Finn's fingers a short squeeze. "I'd love to kiss you right now…"

Finn returned the soft pressure. "Same…" His voice was deeper than Poe had ever heard it and he shut his eyes, trying to calm his violently beating heart. "We'll do that once we land right?"

"You bet." Poe heaved another sigh. How had Morap felt in this situation? How had Morap felt about killing the pilots in the TIEs he had shot down? He had been on their side for most of his life, had even trained with them and now? Where was he? How was he doing?

"I'm no expert, but that was some nice flying you did there."

"Nice shooting, too." He knew that he wasn't a great pilot. He had almost flown them straight into the Destroyer's command bridge. That was nothing if not stupid. But Finn… Finn was the hero! The one who had gotten the TIEs off their backs and had disabled the Finalizer's laser turrets.

"I guess we make a good team?"

Poe nodded. "I guess we do." His heart did an unprecedented leap at the thought and he gave Finn's hand another squeeze, before letting go, the unused angle getting to him. Being confined like this was not something he would get used to easily, but at least they had their lives to show for it. They were free.

"Where are we going?"

Poe shrugged, eyes still closed. "Just a couple of systems over to throw them off our trail. Don't want them figuring out where we're going judging from the vector we took. Luckily these things are too small and cheap to even consider putting a homing beacon in." He paused for a moment, letting the silence wash over him. "For now, I'm just happy we're still alive."

"Yeah, well… " Finn trailed off and Poe nodded solemnly, wishing for nothing more than Finn's hand back in his.

"I know," he said, unable to express the sudden weight pressing down on his chest in any other way. They had just killed their own people. People who were trapped in the Order, just like he and Finn had been, maybe even still were. From now on they'd have to run from the First Order or fight it.

There was no middle ground.

And even though just thinking about what was about to happen to the galaxy at the hands of the Order, now that Starkiller was about to launch a lethal strike against the Resistance, Poe couldn't find it in him to fight those he had once considered family. Even after all they had done to him.

"How are you doing?" Poe asked, wondering if Finn felt the same way. Bonds among Stormtroopers were bound to be strong as well. After all Finn had talked, at least once, about being with one of them occasionally.

"Fine, I guess. Like you said: we're still alive. That ought to count for something."

"Probably… any idea of what we're going to do now?"

"No."

A sigh was the only answer he got from Finn for a couple of minutes and Poe was eternally grateful to Finn for not suggesting to join the Resistance or something like that. They would never find it in time to stop the First Order.

A slight beeping sound broke the silence between them and it took Poe a moment to realize that this meant they were approaching their destination. So far they had merely jumped to coordinates close to the Outer Rim, but where they'd go from there, Poe didn't know. He pushed the lever away from his body and paused to take in the vastness of space enveloping them. The emptiness seemed dangerously close and threatening, staring back at him silently like a predator about to jump on its prey. They were at the edge of a minor, unimportant and uninhabited system, the gas giant close by almost taking up most of his entire view screen.

Poe opened a program on the navcomputer and the viewscreen in front of him turned black again to make him distinguish the small dots representing stars better. The maps this TIE was equipped with only barely covered the most prominent planets in the galaxy. No big surprise there. Skimming over the map, Poe felt his insides churn.

"It's happening." Finn's rough voice pulled him out of his contemplation of whether or not they could actually attempt going to the core worlds in a stolen TIE.

"What is?" Poe closed the holo map and the viewscreen turned back to reveal the green bluish orb in front of them, but the violent red streak cutting through the blackness beyond it could not be hidden by it. Poe stomach tightened, as he watched the beam rush through subspace to a planetary system he couln't even see.

"How did you know?" he rasped, unable to look over his shoulder at Finn, who was after all facing the other way.

"I don't know." Finn's voice was close to his ear now and Poe knew that the other had turned around in his seat. "Just did…"

"This is…" Poe couldn't even finish the sentence as he kept staring at the beam that might destroy thousands of lives at this very moment. The Resistance was done for. Had Hux found out where the Resistance base was after all? Was Morap about to die?

And then, all of a sudden, the beam was gone, instead creating a small red star in a place far away that flared up once and then died just as quickly as it had appeared. Poe couldn't even breathe. Watching it happen, being this helpless in the face of such destruction at the hands of his own people made him want to throw up. Yes, he had seen the necessity of the base being made operational… as a threat to the Republic. To scare them just the right amount to keep them far away…. but actually using it? Only now did he realize how stupid he had been to push the thought away from him every single time it had crept up on him like a shadowy figure of truth. And now he was the one responsible for its strong defence! His throat tightened and not even Finn's hand on his shoulder managed to ease his breathing. It had taken his mother dying at the hands of his own people to shake him awake… and he had told himself that there had been nothing he could have done to stop it… but there could have.

Closing his eyes he could still see the red glaring beam of destruction ripping through subspace on its way to blow out thousands, if not millions of lives. He should have listened to Morap. He should have started thinking on his own sooner. He should have… what? Betrayed his friends to the Resistance?

Poe pressed his lips tightly together and opened his eyes again. Turning his head, he saw tears staining Finn's face so close to his own and the sight made it easier to breathe somehow. He wasn't alone anymore, he told himself again. He had someone at his side who felt the same way as he did. Poe reached up to brush his thumb over Finn's cheek. "Shall we go?" he asked, wondering what the hell they were to do with their lives now.

Finn nodded. "Let's sell this thing to the first bidder and get as far away from the Order as we can."

With a pained smile on his face, Poe turned around in his own seat, almost bumping his head on the canopy and took Finn's face in his hand. "Let's…" he mumbled, before leaning in.