Chapter 15

The Next Step

Warm air hitting his cheek and ear. That was all he felt when he woke up. The next sensation was the numbness in his arm and the hot body pressed tight against his own.

Finn…

Blinking, Poe opened his eyes, only to see the dark grey mould stains on the slightly lighter paint of the ceiling above him. He turned his head slowly, looking at the man sleeping soundly in his arms, snoring softly, nostrils twitching slightly, when Poe reached up to brush his fingertips over the black stubble. He was surprised at how easy it was to wake up next to someone, especially after what had happened with Morap- but why should he be surprised? Hadn't he already established that Finn was very different from Morap in every way? That what he shared with Finn was something else entirely? Pulling Finn's face closer, Poe pressed his lips lightly against the other's nose.

The grouchy, almost painful emptiness in his stomach told him what he needed to do, and the cold yet natural light streaming in through the window that he needed to do it now. But he didn't want to just get up and leave. "Finn," he mumbled, his lips against Finn's and kissing him gently, wrapping his other arm firmly around the warm body laying naked and comfortably hot next to his own.

At first, nothing happened, but then Finn's lips started moving against his, proving to Poe how much Finn trusted him even in his literal sleep and making his heart leap. A firm hand in his hair made him pull away. Finn opened his eyes. Their noses were touching and Poe could feel himself reacting to this proximity again. Shaking his head, he pecked Finn on the lips again. "I need to go out," he whispered. "We need supplies."

Shaking his head, Finn put his hand on the small of his back, pulling him even closer. "Don't talk rubbish," he mumbled, his lips pressed against Poe's neck. "What could we possibly need?"

Poe laughed softly, stroking Finn's hair and pushing himself away from Finn. "Some lube in case we want to keep going?" He grinned and got out of bed quickly, immediately regretting it. Leaving the heat of Finn's body made him realize how cold it was. "Food!"

Finn scoffed and sat up, his eyes wandering down Poe's body with a frown. "I'm okay," he smiled, his grumbling stomach betraying him. They hadn't had anything but rations that had been stashed inside the TIE. The stuff made you full, no questions asked, but it sure as hell wasn't satisfying. They hadn't taken any with them when they had left the TIE behind and they would need sustenance sooner rather than later anyway.

"You're hungry!" Poe grinned, shaking his head as Finn stretched out a hand and pulled him closer. "So am I."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"You, my friend, are hallucinating!" Poe couldn't help but smile, when Finn's hand cupped one of his buttocks. "No chance!" he declared firmly, bending over to touch Finn's lips with his, trying to disentangle himself, while Finn reached up, grabbed him by the arms and pulled him onto the bed again, kissing his cheek, his chin, his neck, letting his hands move freely over his body. "Believe me, I'd love to, but if we do that now we're never going to get anything to eat. I swear, you're my weak spot already. Please, please, please let me go. I don't want to starve in this horrible room with the creaky bed. I want to-" Finn's kiss interrupted Poe's pleas, his hands pressing him firmly to the bed, making it creak again so loudly that Poe was sure it was going to simply collapse.

Breathing heavily, Finn finally let go of him and slapped his cheek softly, almost lovingly. "Just wanted to make sure you're coming back. So you know what you're gonna miss if you just leave me here." He was smiling, but the faint glinting in his eyes told Poe that he was only half joking.

Shaking his head, Poe pulled him back down, kissing him gently. "I'm only going to get some food, okay? Nothing else."

Finn pulled away, his eyes trained on Poe's. "I know… just wanted to make sure."

With a shrug, Poe pushed him away. "Listen, I wouldn't leave you. Not after everything you've done for me. And no, I'm not counting last night! That was just a bonus."

The grin on Finn's lips looked sheepish as he rubbed his neck. "Yeah, well…"

"Anything you want in particular? You got a hankering for anything?" Poe turned his back on Finn, as he grabbed the pants they had bought the night before. They looked far too tight for his liking, but they'd do for now. With a shrug, he turned his attention back to Finn, who just returned his gaze blankly. "Huh?"

"I'll have whatever," Finn said. "Some protein bars, I suppose or… I don't know."

Poe bit his lip, remembering that all Finn knew were military rations. He himself had enjoyed the occasional treat on the few annual holidays the First Order celebrated and he had always loved the food he had found on other worlds when he was on missions. Not having to stick to First Order food had been one of the better things about those assignments. "I'll try to take back a bit of everything, alright?" Reaching for a new shirt and the coat, Poe bent over and kissed Finn again. "I'll be back as quickly as I can. I swear!" He dodged into the bathroom and only a couple of minutes later he was out the door, his hair still wet from the quick shower, which he had needed desperately.

Leaving Finn behind was harder than Poe would have thought possible. They had spent the last couple of days in each other's company constantly and not having Finn by his side, as he strode down the narrow corridor, he realized how much he was already depending on his partner – was that even the correct term? Poe wasn't sure, but it felt right. Far better than lover or accomplice anyway, though Finn sure as hell was both to him now.

"What was your name again?"

Poe flinched and turned around slowly. He had more or less rushed down the staircase and had been aiming towards the front door, when the creaky voice had sounded.

"Huh?" He turned around slowly, making his way toward the counter, where the old woman from the night before was still sitting, something in her hands that looked a whole lot like needlework.

"Your name… I forgot to write it down last night." She was smiling warmly.

Poe leaned against the counter leisurely, his thoughts racing. "Bey," he said. "Kes Bey." The names came to his lips more easily than he would have thought possible. But of course sticking to his real name was out of the question at the moment. The First Order was looking for them already and he couldn't very well use one of the fake names he had assumed on various other occasions… not that his parents' names were a safe bet, but at least they weren't as suspicious as others he might have used.

The woman nodded and Poe could see her fingers flying over a flat keyboard behind the counter.

"Hey, do you know where I can get some supplies nearby? A place where I won't get ripped off?"

"Just down the street, Mister Bey. There's a small market where you'll be able to buy most things. How long will you be staying here? You only booked the last night when you arrived with your husband."

Poe bit on his lip, thinking hard, while the term husband was still ringing in his ears. How long were they going to stay? He didn't feel like he could tell her the truth about their estimated stay, so he should probably tell her they were staying longer than they actually would. "Five more nights," he said, wondering where the hell they were going next. He paid her and with a pleasant smile on his lips turned his back on her to walk out the door.

The "market" turned out to be nothing but a very small shop, but the products were stacked neatly on the shelves and Poe couldn't even spot a single grain of dust gathering anywhere. He grabbed food packages at random, not knowing what Finn would actually like to eat. His ears were unbelievably hot, when he reached for a bottle placed discreetly at the end of one of the shelves, trying very hard to ignore the shop owner's gaze. His eyes moved upwards to one of the holos. A reporter was speaking, behind him a face he had seen hundreds of times in First Order propaganda videos, which had declared her a rebel without conscience. The former Chancellor of the New Republic was saying something into the camera, but Poe couldn't hear what she was saying. The letters scrolling over the bottom part of the holo made him freeze in place. The bottle almost dropped out his hands.

"Scary stuff, huh?" The shop owner, a hairy humanoid, said.

Poe shivered slightly and nodded. "I didn't even know…", he mumbled, placing the items on the counter without taking his eyes off the holo. "Could you turn on the sound, please?" His heart contracted painfully, as the man nodded slowly and fumbled with a miniature remote. Next moment Sha-Li Erso's voice was ringing in his ears. The dark-haired woman had served as a junior medic in the days of the Galactic Civil war and had become a politician in later years. Her words made his head spin and he couldn't help but gape at her open mouthed as she declared her sorrow for the lives lost in the Hosnian system.

The Hosnian system… so the First Order hadn't even aimed their attack at the Resistance. Not directly anyway. Instead billions of civilian lives had been lost and all of a sudden Poe wasn't sure anymore if he really couldn't have done anything to prevent this from happening. The Resistance was the Order's natural enemy. The adversary in a war that wasn't even fought in the open. With a single stroke the Order had wiped out every bit of political backing the Resistance had… the Senate was gone. The New Republic's government would have to be re-formed and in the time it took them to do that, the Resistance would be without the Republic's military and monetary support. They were done for.

Poe's throat tightened, as he remembered the security he had helped set up around Starkiller Base and how hard it would be for the Resistance pilots to go up against it. The twinging in his gut told him that he had to do something, anything to prevent the Resistance from failing…. but he had no contacts… no way of reaching them… or did he?

His head snapped up as the shop owner started talking again.

"Not that I like the Republic too much, but let me tell you: this was uncalled for."

Poe swallowed hard and started counting out the credits for the man. "Yes," he said hoarsely, wondering if maybe he should go and try to talk to San Tekka again. Maybe he did have the means to contact the Resistance now. But he'd be lucky if San Tekka even allowed him to speak up after their last encounter.

You better remember what your parents fought for…

What was he supposed to do now? His mother was dead, killed at the hands of the First Order, but he had to remember that the people he and Finn had left were just as much the Order's victims as he was. Could he even betray the Order's secrets to the Resistance? Could he risk Meelan's life? And Greggaleon? Delaugh? Even Hux? Poe wasn't sure. Even after all that had happened he couldn't say that he was willing to betray those he had once considered family, even if the term could only be applied to those people in the widest sense of the word. He was a sentimental fool! Shaking his head, he grabbed the bag the salesman had filled with his purchases and hurried back to the dingy hotel. Getting off world now, was their number one priority now.

Entering the room, he found Finn lying on the mattress dressed in his new clothes, hair still damp and eyes fixed on the holo on the wall across from the bed. Finn didn't even look at him, just kept staring, while Poe let himself fall down next to him.

"Did you see this?" Finn muttered, reaching for Poe and wrapping his arm around his hips.

"I saw it…" Poe said quietly, brushing his hand over Finn's temple. He stayed silent as he watched one of the last transmissions that had been sent from Hosnian Prime, the seat of the New Republic's government. A short video of a Bith sending a short message to his wife. The red streak illuminating the sky and then the transmission was cut off along with the airflow to Poe's lungs. Swallowing hard, he reached for Finn's hand. "I helped protect this thing…" he mumbled. "I… I can't-"

"Stop that." Finn sat up, pulling his feet under his body and putting his arms around Poe, chin resting on Poe's shoulder. "It's no use… you didn't do this." The words were empty, but the tone in which they were spoken made them easier to bear.

"What have I done…" he mumbled, glad for the first time that the First Order hadn't gotten their hands on that map. If Supreme Leader Snoke believed that getting to Skywalker could turn the tide of this dormant war and destroying a whole planetary system with three inhabited worlds was only his second choice, then Poe didn't even want to imagine what finding Skywalker would have done… Shivering, he put his hands on Finn's.

"We had better get going soon." He said, reaching for the remote and turning off the holo. He really didn't want to watch any more of this. What use was it to anyone?

Finn by his side nodded, then turned around on his back so he was staring up at the ceiling and Poe lay down next to him. Just like the day before their hands just… met, their finger intertwining into something than seemed almost unbreakable to Poe.

"I've been thinking," Finn said quietly after a while.

"I'm listening."

"We have some money, right?"

With a nod, Poe squeezed Finn's hand and closed his eyes. "Yeah, we do. Some."

"We're buying another ship?"

Poe shrugged. "I guess that would be the most sensible thing to do right now, yes."

"And with that ship, we could transport… stuff, right?"

"Right." His chest was growing tight. It was the only course of action left to them now. Smuggling. They needed to keep moving. Staying in one place for too long would only increase their chances of being caught. Already he could feel the ground beneath him slipping away again, but the hand holding his was keeping him steady all the same. "Let's transport… stuff… and maybe after a while I can start making things right…"

A low grumbling sound made his eyes snap open again. The sounds Finn's stomach was making brought a smile to his face. A smile that, despite everything, felt just right.

"What did you bring?" Finn asked, reaching for the bag sitting between them. Poe put his hand on Finn's knee, while Finn started unpacking. Poe sat up a bit, leaning on his elbows with his thumb stroking over Finn's leg, while the other put box after box on the blanket in front of him.

"That's some jerky… not exactly the tastiest stuff I could find, but I thought bringing some rations might be a good idea."

Finn nodded, obviously not bothering with what the food Poe had brought might taste like. "That's some sort of candy Mo- my former… partner liked." Poe felt his ears going red and cursed himself not only for mentioning Morap, but also for buying the caramel filled sweets made out of bluemilk toffee.

"Your… partner?" Eyebrows raised, Finn looked down at him, the white blue bag held firmly in his hand. Understanding crept over his face, making Poe's heart contract painfully.

"Yeah… well… I like them too if that helps?" he smiled ruefully and sat up fully, wrapping his arm around Finn. "Don't think I would want to replace him by running off with you," he mumbled, their foreheads pressed together.

Finn laughed, his warm breath hitting Poe's lips. "Well, you ran off with me, didn't you? I guess I'm the lucky guy." His face felt hotter somehow and Poe closed his eyes, allowing himself to touch his lips to Finn's.

"Look at who calls himself lucky," he whispered as he pulled away. Shaking his head, he put his hand on Finn's cheek. "I'm glad you found me, Finn." Poe smiled softly. That was exactly how he felt. Like Finn had found him. Found him and rescued him, before everything was too late. At least, he thought, he hadn't been on that base when the weapon was fired. It wasn't a big consolation, but it was one nonetheless. He had broken with the Order before it was too late. Even if he was responsible for its defences and even if those were most likely undergoing a massive reorganization right now and his knowledge would be of little use to anyone. At least, for now, he was free. In a way at least… the images of his mother's death which had haunted him all the way here, hadn't left him the previous night either, but he wasn't going to talk about that or the raging guilt he felt whenever he thought of her right now.

Finn returned his smile, put his free arm around him and popped one of the candies into his mouth. Immediately, his eyes grew wide in surprise.

"This is… this… oh!" He closed his eyes again, sighing and throwing back his head. "This is so-"

"I know, right!" Poe couldn't help but laugh. It didn't quite make the pain in his chest go away, but it made it easier to bear. Leaning in, he pressed his lips to Finn's again, tasting the soft sweetness of the candy and feeling the smile of the other, while Finn pulled him closer. Before Finn could deepen the kiss, Poe pulled away, shaking his head. "Food," he said. "We have to eat something."

"I can go without food," Finn declared, brushing Poe's comment aside.

"I know you can, but I think it would be more enjoyable without our stomachs' grumbling adding to the creaking of the bed."

Finn's laughter made a by now familiar warmth spread through his body. Shaking his head, Poe started pulling more items out of the bag. "Here are some sandwiches… this is a kind of grain boiled in blue milk. Really tasty, if you ask me. These are some flatcakes. Cheese, some meat I can't possibly name…" he shrugged and stiffened when his finger brushed over the last item in the bag. He pulled out the tube he had bought as well and placed it on the pile between Finn's legs. "And well… this."

Frowning, Finn picked it up. "What is it?"

"Um…" Poe mumbled, his ears growing hot again. "You… you don't know what this is?"

Finn shook his head, popping open the tube and sniffing at it. "Doesn't smell like anything."

Poe nodded and closed his hands around Finn's. "Finn, who have you been with?" he asked. "You can tell me, if you want to."

"Well…" Finn shrugged, closing the tube again. "Just those three women in my squad… I fooled around with this one guy once, but that was ages ago." He smiled faintly and met Poe's gaze. "Like I said, we never had much time and this…" He hugged Poe a little tighter. "Simply having time for ourselves like this was never an option so… how about you?"

Poe bit on his lip, shaking his head. "Just this one guy," he muttered. "Things were a bit different for me, I guess… We… he and I we were together for ten years, before he defected."

All of a sudden, Finn's face had grown serious again. Poe remembered mentioning Morap to Finn before, but this here was infinitely more explicit. It was more than he wanted Finn to know, but he was also fully aware that if he wanted this to work, he needed Finn to know.

"And I didn't want to defect with him," Poe added quickly, his words strung together like a tightly woven web. "I didn't trust him for some reason. Despite everything that wasn't an option. Morap was different… so so different from you! I-" he stopped himself, before he could stumble over his own words, but the sudden panic rising up in him seemed to want to pull him forward and make him throw himself into the abyss.

"Alright," Finn said, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. "Ten years, huh?" He cleared his throat. "That's… long."

Poe nodded, unable to say anything else.

"Okay!" Finn took a deep breath, then pulled Poe closer once more, kissing him like he had done back on Starkiller. Poe's heart fluttered, as he clasped his hands into the soft fabric of Finn's dark shirt, returning the kiss. "Okay, we can do this!" Finn said firmly after their lips had parted and his eyes sparkling with determination that seemed to reverberate through every fibre of Poe's being.

"We can?" Poe laughed, pulling Finn closer again.

"Sure we can! We just stole a TIE-fighter and escaped the First Order! We can do anything!"

Poe laughed, leaning his forehead against Finn's. "I believe you," he answered, reaching for a rectangular box and opening it. Without further comment, he stuffed the sandwich into Finn's mouth. "But you need to eat first!"