Chapter 8: Bella's Even Denser

[Scene: Zoi arrives in homeroom. There is a single red rose on his desk with a note.]

A ROSE IS A MIXTURE OF FLOWER AND THORNS. HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER – YOUR SECRET ADMIRER

Zoi: [To Umino] Did you see who left this?

Umino: I sure did.

Zoi: Who was it?

Umino: I'm not supposed to tell you, but I'll give you a hint. His name starts with Mamoru and ends with Chiba.

[Zoi looks back at Mamoru who smiles and gives him a little wave. Behind him, Naru is trying to comfort Usagi, who is weeping inconsolably into a box of Kleenex]

Usagi: [from the back of the room] Motoki, my sweet angel…you are too good for this world!

[Zoi and Umino drop their voices down to whispers]

Zoi: Oh, no! Did Motoki die?

Umino: No. Usagi is just being a crybaby as usual. He's not in school today, so Usagi's afraid he won't be back in time for her to ask him to the Spring Dance that is coming up. It's Lady's Choice and she's been working up the nerve to ask him out all month.

Zoi: Are you going?

Umino: That depends on whether I get asked. So I assume I will not.

[Zoi watches Umino, watching Naru, consoling Usagi.]

Zoi: Want me to drop some hints to Naru?

Umino: [sinks into his chair] no…please don't do that…

Zoi: Don't worry. I can be sneaky enough not to put you on the spot. I'll just talk you up a lot, and then make her think that if she asks you, you might not say no.

Umino: I'd rather you didn't.

Zoi: Why not?

Umino: Because it's a lost cause. She's totally into Neffy O'Sama.

Zoi: Do you really think any senior who spends that much time on his hair is gong to want to go to a dance with a freshman? Even if she does ask him, you can catch her on the rebound.

Umino: …please…just don't say anything to Naru…Unless— [smiles]

Zoi: Unless what?

Umino: Unless I can convince Usagi to ask you instead! Then Naru and I can tag along as your wingmen.

[Looks back at Usagi, who is blowing her nose in a dramatic fashion while Mamoru cringes]

Zoi: No thanks. I don't do dances. I'm into guys, not girls, so I wouldn't even know what to wear. Besides, I can't see Usagi asking me. I don't think I'm her type at all.

Umino: If you're not, you're pretty much the only one here, boy or girl, who isn't. Aside from yours truly, of course.

Zoi: [Looks back to see Usagi and Mamoru squabbling] If things don't work out with Motoki, she should go out with Mamoru. They look really cute together.

Umino: Ha, that will be the day! Besides, YOU'RE the one he's sending roses to.

Rei: Mamoru gave you that rose? What the hell? I dated him for five weeks solid and he never sent me flowers!

Umino: Stalking isn't dating, Rei.

Rei: Oh, be quiet, you geek.

[The bell rings, they leave. Zoi finds an empty water bottle, fills it at the drinking fountain, and sticks the rose in it. Kunzite walks up to Zoi as he's putting the rose in his locker and getting out his books]

Kunzite: Zoisite.

Zoi: What? Are you speaking to me again?

Kunzite: No, not really.

Zoi: Then what do you want?

Kunzite: I'm sorry. I'm being very rude. I know. But it's better this way, really.

Zoi: I don't know what you mean.

Kunzite: It's better if we're not friends. Trust me.

Zoi: [gathers up his books and hugs them to his chest] It's a shame you didn't figure that out earlier. You could have saved yourself a lot of regret.

Kunzite: Regret? Regret for what?

Zoi: For not letting that stupid van squish me.

Kunzite: You think I regret saving your life?

Zoi: I know you do.

Kunzite: [chuckles] Don't be such a drama queen.

[Zoi flushes with anger. He gives Kunzite a death stare, which Kunzite seems to find amusing.]

Kunzite: Sorry. That was rude. Not saying it isn't true. But it was rude to say it anyway.

[Kunzite smirks at him and starts to walk away]

Zoi: [Calls after him] Oh, what's the matter, Kunzite! Did I just bust the needle on your GAYDAR!

[In a flash Kunzite turns and pushes Zoisite by his lapels against the lockers]

Kunzite: [snarling inches from his face] What the Hell is that supposed to mean?

[Zoisite is so scared he's dropped his books, but he's too angry to back down]

Zoi: Oh, come off it! I know exactly why you've been avoiding me. It's the same reason you can't stand having me in your biology class Don't worry. You're not the first big macho stud I've met who didn't want a little sissy faggot for a lab partner!

[For a moment Kunzite just stands as still as a statue. Then his face softens.]

Kunzite: I don't think of you as a little sissy faggot.

Zoi: That's a pity. Because you're wrong.

Kunzite: … [releases Zoi]… you're gay?

Zoi: *nods*

Kunzite: I…didn't know that… [backing away]

Zoi: Oh, right! I guess you've been sitting as far from me as you can for no apparent reason. Since you clearly don't care at all what anyone thinks of you, I'm guessing you're either afraid I'm going to lose control of my gay urges and leap your bones, or else you're worried you'll catch some gay disease by sitting too close to me. Well, don't worry. I don't have cooties. I'm still a virgin.

[Kunzite backs some more with a look of horror.]

[Zoi smiles at Kunzite like David smiling at Goliath as he curls a lock of hair around his finger]

Kunzite: So. You really assume I'm the type of man who can tell if someone is gay just by looking at them?

Zoi: I assume you're the type of man who likes to err on the side of caution.

Kunzite: So you think I'm a homophobe?

Zoi: I know you are.

Kunzite: You don't know anything.

[Kunzite gathers up Zoisite's books, gently places them in his hands, and leaves]

[Scene: Lunch: Zoi joins up with Umino, Naru, and Usagi in the cafeteria. It's Taco Day and he's pining for real Mexican food, so he brought money instead of packing a lunch.]

[However he quickly learns there is no real Mexican food to be had in Hen Tie. So he just buys a can of ice tea.]

Zoi: I'm not sure what those things were, but where I'm from, tacos aren't served in a shell. And they certainly aren't made with ground beef.

Rei: Well la-dee-da. So sorry our humble Hen Tie cuisine doesn't meet with His Majesty's approval.

Usagi: [giggles] Oh, ignore her. I think she fell off her broom this morning on the way to school.

Rei: Haha. Real mature, bun-head.

[Usagi sticks out her tongue at Rei who sticks out her tongue right back at her.]

Umino: You seem to be in a better mood than you were this morning, Usagi.

Usagi: [Smiles] I called up my sweet Motoki, and he's doing well. He should be back school tomorrow. He's wearing a cast, so he promised me I can carry all his books for him.

Zoi: Did you ask him to the spring dance?

Usagi: [nods] I sure did, but he says he has to work that weekend.

Umino: His family is making him work weekends with a broken arm?

Usagi: They aren't MAKING him work. What can I say? My guy is an angel. [sighs happily] Always so quick with a kind word and a helping hand. [sighs sadly] Now I just need to find another date.

Umino: [Pushes Zoi forward] What about –

Zoi: – Mamoru?

Usagi: [makes a face] Mamoru? That stinkbomb? I wouldn't ask him to a dance if he were the last boy on earth! He's crass, cruel, meanspirited, bossy, creepy, totally full of himself, and he dresses like he robbed some colorblind pimp. I wouldn't be caught dead at a dance with a guy like that.

Rei: Then it wouldn't bother you if I asked him?

Usagi. Um…. No… why would I mind…? Go ahead and ask away…

Rei: Good, I already did.

Usagi: Huh! What? You asked Mamoru without telling me first? What did he say?

Rei: He said maybe.

Usagi: [weeping] Oh, Rei! How could you? You broke the girl code! You're only allowed to ask a guy I like if the answer's going to be no!

Rei: How did I break the girl code? You've told me a hundred times you can't stand him!

Usagi: I can't stand him, but that doesn't mean I don't like him!

Zoi: Then you should ask him out.

Rei: [nods] There's still hope. When I asked, he said he might go with me…if he doesn't get asked out by a certainly golden-haired vixen he's had his eye on for a while.

Usagi: A golden-haired vixen? That must be me! Oh…but, Rei, I don't want to poach your date.

Rei: Hey, don't worry. I've already told him to go to hell.

Usagi: Hurray! Then it's settled. Oh, Rei, you're the best friend ever! [Hugs her while Naru frowns] Excuse me everyone, I'm going to find Mamoru right now and ask him to the dance. [composes her face into a thoughtful look] I mean, it's not like it's a real date. After all, he's just Motoki's best friend, so I'm kinda using him as a placeholder until my real boyfriend gets back.

Naru: Just go, Usagi. We're not judging you.

[Usagi scampers off and the rest go to Umino's usual table. Zoi sneaks a peek at the O'Sama table and sees that Kunzite's seat is conspicuously empty. Neffy, Jeddy and Beryl are eating and talking with each other in the spots where they usually sit, but Kunzite is nowhere to be seen.]

[Zoi doesn't know why that bothers him, but it does.]

Umino: [Whispers to Zoi] Kunzite's staring at you again.

Zoi: Huh?

Naru: I wonder why he is sitting alone today?

[Zoi turns to see Kunzite staring at him from an empty table across the cafeteria. He beckons him over with his finger.]

Rei: [Incredulous] He means you?

Zoi: Maybe he just needs help with his biology homework. I'd better go see what he wants.

[Zoi get up and goes to the table and faces Kunzite from behind a chair, resting his hands on the back of it.]

Kunzite: [smiles] Why don't you sit with me today?

Zoi: [Hesitates, then sits with a great deal of trepidation] This is different.

Kunzite: Well… I decided since I'm already going to hell, I might as well do a proper job of it.

Zoi: I don't have any idea what you mean.

Kunzite: I know….[glaces of to the side] I think your friends are looking at us.

[Zoi looks over and sees his friends have hidden behind a nearby potted tree. They are staring all goggle-eyed at him and Kunzite, but quickly duck behind the trunk when they see him looking at him.]

[Zoi keeps staring at them until they sigh and go back to their table.]

Kunzite: I've stolen you from them.

Zoi: They'll survive.

Kunzite: I may not give you back.

[Zoi feels a lump of dread form in his throat]

Kunzite: You look worried.

Zoi: No…surprised actually…what brought this on?

Kunzite: I'm getting tired of making myself stay away from you, so I'm giving up.

Zoi: Giving up?

Kunzite: I've been trying my best to behave myself around you. Then I asked myself…why? Why am I trying to be good, when it's not part of my nature? I should just take what I want. After all, what's stopping me? What's keeping me from just dragging you off and doing whatever I want to you? I will, you know. Just as soon as I figure out why I haven't done it already.

Zoi: You lost me again.

Kunzite: I always say too much to you. That's one of the problems.

Zoi: Don't worry. I don't understand any of it.

Kunzite: I'm counting on that.

Zoi: So in plain English: are we friends now?

Kunzite: [Incredulous] Friends?

Zoi: Or not.

Kunzite: I'm not a good friend for you to have.

Zoi: You say that a lot.

Kunzite: Only because you're not listening. If you're smart, you'll avoid me.

[Zoi stares at his can of ice tea.]

Kunzite: Aren't you hungry?

Zoi: No. Aren't you?

Kunzite: No. I'm not hungry.

[Zoi continues to stare at his drink.]

Kunzite: What are you thinking?

Zoi: I'm trying to figure out what you are.

Kunzite: Are you having any luck with that?

Zoi: No.

Kunzite: Tell me your theories.

Zoi: I'm guessing you're either an orphan from the Planet Krypton, or the future CEO of Stark Industries.

Kunzite: You're not even close.

Zoi: I'll figure it out eventually.

Kunzite: I wish you wouldn't try.

Zoi: Because?

Kunzite: Because what if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm one of the other guys?

Zoi: Oh…I see.

Kunzite: Do you?

Zoi: You're dangerous?

Kunzite: *nods*

Zoi: But not bad. No. I don't believe you're bad.

Kunzite: You're wrong.

[They stare at each other for a while. Then Kunzite snickers]

Zoi: What?

Kunzite: Your boyfriend thinks he needs to come over here and rescue you.

Zoi: I haven't got a boyfriend.

Kunzite: That's what you think. Your boyfriend thinks differently.

Zoi: [flushes with anger] I can see it was a mistake coming over here.

Kunzite: You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?

[Zoi pushes his chair back and rises to his feet]

Zoi: I'll see you in biology class.

Kunzite: I'm not going to biology class.

Zoi: Oh?

Kunzite: Not today. [Rises from his seat and puts on his coat] It has nothing to do with you. I thought I should tell you that beforehand so you didn't get the wrong idea.

Zoi: Then why?

Kunzite: Because I already know about the lab for today, and I don't care to participate in it.

Zoi: Mr. Tomoe is going to fail you if you keep skipping out of class like this.

Kunzite: It's lucky for him that doesn't concern me the in the slightest.

[Kunzite leaves the cafeteria and Zoi walks back to his usual table and sits next to Umino and Mamoru]

Mamoru: What did he want?

Zoi: God only knows.

[Scene: Later, in biology class.]

Mr Tomoe: The Red Cross is having a blood drive so I thought you should all know your blood type. I will be coming around with kits. Once you get your kits, I want you all to carefully prick your finger with the lancet, apply a small drop of blood to each of the four prongs, then apply it to the card, like so.

[Zoi is not paying much attention. Instead he's doodling in his notebook. He's filled the margins with flowers and now he's practicing his writing.

Kunzite O'Sama.

Zoisite O'Sama.

Zoi O'Sama.

A substantial shadow approaches and Zoisite closes his notebook. In spite of himself, He secretly hopes Kunzite reconsidered ditching the class, and is gladdened when he hears the chair next to him scrape the floor.

As the shadow takes a seat, Zoi fights off most of the traces of his elation before he looks up. His smile fade completely when he sees the person sitting next to him has long reddish-brown hair and a powder-blue sportscoat, and is giving him a roguish grin.

Neffy: You cost me a lab partner.