Chapter 22

Betrayal

He hadn't commented on the ship orbiting around the lush green planet they were nearing now. He didn't need to. Skywalker must know he'd recognize the ship and he could almost feel Finn tensing up beside him as they passed it to drop into the atmosphere.

Morap was here.

Poe didn't know whether he should be grateful for it or terrified by the fact that the one person, who had almost managed to ruin what he had with Finn, was here now.

He exchanged a quick glance with Finn, as the ship landed and a group of soldiers started towards them. So, this was it then. Handcuffs, a prison cell and a hearing. That was what was awaiting them and all they could do now was play their cards well.

"Very well then," Skywalker said, getting to her feet.

Poe's eyes fluttered to her belt and the lightsaber dangling from it.

"Time to move this party."

Raising an eyebrow, he got up as well. "You don't have to pretend to be friendly, you know?" He caught Finn rolling his eyes at him, but didn't respond in any way. Instead, he followed Beebee-Ate out of the cockpit and along the corridor.

"You don't seem to be concerned by your situation," he heard her say, but he didn't have to turn to see her face. The snarky smile was only too apparent in her voice.

As they stood in front of the loading ramp, Poe could feel Finn's hand close to his again, almost like it had back in the streets of Kaddak. But unlike then, he didn't reach out for it. Now was not the time. Not with their enemies surrounding them.

The soft hissing sound as the ramp was lowered was familiar enough, but now, for the first time, it made a shiver rush down his spine. Almost mechanically he started walking down the ramp, his feet and legs only moving through sheer power of will. There on the tarmac in front of them was a group of six soldiers, clad in simple greenish brown uniforms, their faces not covered by masks, clearly putting the different species working here on display. He had known that here in the Resistance people from all over the galaxy had come to work together, he had even seen this sort of thing in other places, but never in a truly military organized group of fighters.

Ordering himself not to stare, he kept moving, Finn by his side and Beebee-Ate leading the way, as if the droid knew exactly where to go. It probably did, Poe realized and he had to admit that he was a bit surprised that the soldiers didn't approach them to put binders on them. Instead, they turned in unison and started escorting them across the tarmac, towards one of the shallow buildings with the wide openings. To their right and left Poe could see the X-Wings landing, S-foils in cruise mode. The black one he had seen back on Jakku was sitting very close to the Corellian freighter they had just left, but apart from a couple of mechanics and the starfighters, Poe couldn't see anything or anyone else out here on the landing strip.

As they entered the building, he didn't recognize any signs of unusual activity either. The only thing apparent was a sort of organized purpose he hadn't expected here. Not in a place the Order had described as chaotic and without real sense of direction except the destruction of the First Order. Well, there was a lot he still had to learn apparently. The sound of the rhythmic bootsteps at his side was something he was familiar with, though he had to admit, as they moved along a relatively narrow corridor and the soldiers walked closer to them, he felt a sense of eeriness creep up on him.

He turned his head to look at Finn and the beads of sweat sticking to his forehead told Poe all he needed to know. Finn was feeling it too, though the fact that no one seemed to have looked at them twice, seemed strangely out of place somehow.

They came to a halt in front of a grey door, which may have been white several years ago. Like everything else in this place, it looked worn down by years of use. Skywalker stepped past them and held her hand over the sensor. At a nod from her, four of the soldiers walked off, while two of them remained to stand guard over the door, which slid open immediately, revealing a spacious conference room, a middle-aged woman standing at a tactical display so new Poe hadn't expected to find here. She turned her head as she heard the door and Poe's heart dropped. He knew that face. Knew her voice and her political speeches. At least the ones she had given against the First Order a few months ago. Leia Organa was far from unknown to him.

"Leia…" Skywalker stepped in ahead of them and after a short exchange of looks, Finn followed her and Poe entered the room after him. The door slid shut behind them. They were trapped. Trapped with a Jedi and the most known enemy the Order had.

Leia Organa, former Senator to the New Republic and founder of the Resistance was smaller than Poe would have thought and though her face looked soft, there was a fierceness in her eyes which reminded Poe of Kafr. Of his determination mostly, but also something else. Something which made her into the warrior she was. Strong. Utterly capable. Unforgiving if necessary.

"You're the deserters Bendar told us about?" she asked and Poe recognized her voice and the firmness hiding behind it at once.

He exchanged a quick glance with Finn.

"As far as I know, he's one too," Finn said.

Organa's nod didn't surprise Poe. Her inviting gesture, asking them to sit down at the table did. "No one here at the base knows who you are," she said casually, sitting down herself, Skywalker following suit.

Poe hesitated a moment longer, then pulled up the two chairs closest to the door for Finn and himself. "I noticed no one was looking at us."

She shrugged, her brown eyes focusing on Finn for a moment. "We get informants here from time to time. It's not entirely unheard of that Commander Skywalker here leaves to gather intelligence… as you know of course." She shifted her gaze towards Poe.

He nodded curtly. "Yes, we know. That incident on Jakku was…"

"Problematic?" The snide sarcasm in Skywalker's voice almost made him flinch.

"You killed three of my men without provocation!"

"As far as I knew you were about to kill San Tekka!"

Poe scoffed. "I didn't though, did I?" Only now did he realize how quickly his heart was beating. How sweaty his palms were. He pressed his lips tightly together, telling himself that he was in no position to argue here.

"Now is not the time to fight over who shot first," Organa said quietly.

Poe's shoulders were aching with tenseness and he forced himself to take a deep breath and look somewhere else but at Skywalker. She was right of course. Had he been in her position, he would have ordered an aerial assault as well. And had she been in his position, she would have killed San Tekka. It would have meant following protocol. "And it's not why we came here," Poe said quietly.

"We brought you the storage device," Finn continued, pointing at the bag lying on the table in front of Skywalker. "And schematics of their new Star Destroyers."

Organa nodded, but didn't touch the bag, though her eyes were fixed on it for a long moment, before she folded her hands on the table top.

Poe couldn't blame her. She'd have slicers look the datacard and the storage device over, before she'd plug it in.

"Is that all?"

Poe could see Finn shift uncomfortably next to him, but he couldn't tell her. He couldn't say what he had come here to say. And he had to admit he was terrified. Terrified of himself and his own cowardice. He felt Finn's eyes on him for a moment, but didn't react, just returned Organa's gaze until he had to look away.

"I'm willing to offer help in any way I can," Finn said quietly, shaming Poe with this one sentence more than Organa or Skywalker had managed to.

Poe brushed his hand over his neck, feeling the thin layer of sweat on his skin.

"What exactly was your position in the Order?"

"I was a Stormtrooper," Finn said. "And Poe here was a tactician. We fled from Starkiller base before the weapon was fired."

Poe swallowed hard, pressed his lips tightly together and looked up again. Organa's brow was furrowed and she was looking intently at Finn.

"You were part of the Stormtrooper program?" she asked and Finn nodded.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"I don't see what-"

"It matters, Rey," Organa cut Skywalker off, turning to face her. "Because he, unlike your friend from Jakku here, spent his lifetime being nothing but a number. Look where he is now. Look who he was able to become despite of that."

Skywalker bit her lip and nodded. "I know," she said, sounding hoarse.

"What? I don't want to be treated like some-"

"That's not what we're saying," Organa interrupted him, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. Rey, would you talk with him, please? Outside?"

Skywalker nodded and got up.

"What's this supposed to be?" Poe spoke up, his legs aching for him to jump up and stand protectively in front of Finn, who merely nodded and shrugged.

"What's the harm?" he asked, putting a hand on Poe's arm. Warm and firm. His thumb stroked gingerly over his wrist and Finn smiled slightly. "I'll be fine."

Poe swallowed hard, as Finn got up and left the room, accompanying Skywalker, who threw Organa one last look, before the door closed behind her and Finn. Poe could just see the droid waiting outside. It hadn't followed them into the room and it was as if it stood guard out there. Like it was trying to protect them. What a ridiculous thought…

"What's going on here?" Poe asked, hostility creeping into his voice with every syllable. He leaned forward, jaw clenched, fixing Organa with his eyes.

"We want to make sure you're not influencing him. You were his superior, weren't you? San Tekka said you were holding the rank of Major, when you turned up at his village?"

Poe took a deep, calming breath and leaned back again. "So?"

"So, who's saying you're not still ordering your companion about?"

With a scoff, Poe wiped his brow and shook his head. "If anyone is in charge, it's him."

"You could have just handed the devices to Bendar and be done with it, but you didn't. Why?"

"I-" Poe shrugged as he met her gaze. "I have changed. Or at least my view on the galaxy has shifted. I don't know. I'm pretty sure Finn has always been… who he is." He pressed his lips tightly together and closed his eyes for a moment, forcing himself to focus and ignore the tension rising up inside him. The tension urging him to stop talking. The twisting of his gut. The anticipation of failure. "I just…" he let out a breath. His head was starting to ache and he pressed his fingertips to his temples.

"Are you alright?" The sudden concern in Organa's voice wasn't something he had expected.

Poe nodded shuddering. Leaving the Order had been fairly easy… this here… talking to Organa wasn't. He tried swallowing, but his throat seemed to be all dried up. "I'm fine," he croaked and next moment he heard something being placed in front of him. Blinking, he opened his eyes to see a glass of water standing in front of him. His head was still aching, his breath coming in gasps.

"Do I need to send you to medbay?"

"No," he said categorically, picking up the glass and taking a big gulp. "I didn't think it would be this hard."

She sat down next to him and as he saw her pursed lips; as he left behind the immediate thought of betraying the Order, the pain in his head abated somewhat. "I'd like you to be checked over anyway. You were raised by the First Order?"

Poe nodded again, taking another gulp and clutching the glass tightly in his hand. "After they took me from my parents." He had no idea why he had said this. General Organa was no friend. That much was obvious. But he felt like he needed to explain himself in front of her if he wanted her to trust him. And he did. Something inside his head was still drumming numbly. Maybe it was just his fear of exposing too much. Of giving away all that he had for nothing in return.

Nothing in return… no. No, he didn't even want anything. Not from her anyway.

Organa remained silent. All she did was look at him, one elbow placed on the tabletop, eyes fixed on him with an impassive look on her face.

Poe took another gulp and all of a sudden the glass was empty. "This is weird," he said quietly. "Me talking to you like it was the most natural thing in the world."

"It's not," she said. "And it's not like we're chatting like old friends."

Her scolding was exactly what he needed to snap back to attention. "Right," he muttered. "Business."

"What did you make to want to leave in the first place, then?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"To figure out if I can trust you. You have come here to give us more information than just those datacards, am I right?"

Poe nodded, unable to meet her gaze again, and set the glass on the table. He kept spinning it between his fingers. Having something to do, anything really, seemed to be helping. He smiled weakly. "My reasons were personal ones. Something the Order did… I-I can't tell you what it was." He didn't want to and he didn't feel like Organa had the right to know.

"This man? This former Stormtrooper?"

Poe gritted his teeth and shook his head. "No. Not entirely him. No."

"Mr Dameron…"

He looked up, eyebrows raised. No one had ever called him that before and though he couldn't exactly say he liked it, he couldn't go ahead tell the leader of the Resistance so.

Organa seemed taken aback and she raised her hands in apology, clearly guessing from his look that he didn't appreciate it. "I'm sorry," she said almost hastily. "Do you prefer Major?"

"No?" He coughed, rubbing his eyes.

"What I wanted to say is that your reasons may be your own, but if you're unwilling to talk to me, I'll have to ask you to undergo a psych exam to find out how truthful you are. Not that those are always reliable, especially since I believe you have been trained to resist interrogation at some level, but I'd prefer to spare you that experience."

She wasn't exactly threatening him with torture, but he didn't hear any trace of regret in her voice at the prospect either.

He bit on his lip, still unwilling to share this very personal experience with her. He took a deep breath. "My mother was in the Alliance back in the day," he said quietly and he saw her nod. "General Kafr captured and tortured her. I only found out some time ago. Shortly before she was executed." That was all. He wouldn't say anything else. Wouldn't expand on what he had seen and heard in that holo vid. The datacard it was stored on was still safe. Still in his datapad. He hadn't watched it again and was fairly certain he would never do so again, but he also didn't want to let her have a share in it.

"I'm sorry," she said, sounding shaky all of a sudden. "I knew her. Your father as well." The weak smile pulling at her lips did nothing to abate the sudden wave of horror he felt at hearing this. A horror he couldn't even explain. "I recognized your name."

Poe nodded slowly, then shrugged. "Couldn't stay in the Order after that. And when the Order was given to prepare Starkiller for the attack, we used the distraction to get away. We thought they were about to extinguish this base… not the Hosnian System."

"You have to admit the impact was bigger that way."

Poe nodded slightly and pushed the glass away from him, so it slid over the table. "No noble cause in my leaving the Order, I'm afraid. Sorry."

"I wasn't looking for one," she answered. "In fact, I would have been suspicious if you had told me you'd left the Order because you had seen the error of your ways."

He had been right. She was direct. In fact, she was as far away from sensitive about other people's feelings as he had expected her to be. At least to some extent. She was a realist and he had to admire her for that.

"Yes, well…"

"And now?"

Poe bit his lip again and looked up at the dark grey ceiling above. "Now I believe the Order has to pay for what it's done to Finn and me. And everyone else… and I …" he blinked, forcing down the oncoming headache with the mental image of his mother lying on that table. Of her starved, skeletal body and the expression on her face, which made his heart contract painfully even now. "I need to do my part."

General Organa hadn't tried to get any more information out of him and Poe was grateful for it. He didn't even mind being escorted to the medbay, where a medic took about half an hour to examine him. Every prisoner of the First Order would have been led there first thing, but the Resistance seemed to operate differently. The doctor, a human woman going by the name Kalonia, was far more considerate than he would have expected a doctor of the enemy to be. Not that she talked too much, but the exam was over far more quickly than he would have anticipated. The accommodation assigned to him wasn't exactly shabby either. The small room with the double bed didn't have a window, but it was clean, had a small bathroom attached to it and he could sense that this really wasn't a prison cell. Far from it in fact. He might even go as far to call the small room cosy. At least it would have been according to First Order standards. Simple, yes. Without luxury, but still fairly comfortable.

"Well, this isn't too bad, is it?" He smiled down at the droid as he sat down at the table. Beebee-Ate hadn't left his side for even a moment and Poe appreciated the droid's attempts at staying close to him. "Wish you could tell me where Finn is, though."

The droid chirped, then rolled off to a place next to the door to the bathroom, where Poe spotted a droid charging socket.

"Right," Poe muttered. "Don't talk to me. That's fine." He leaned back, folding his hands behind his head and looked around. The guards outside the door were the only thing assuring him that he was in fact not free. That Organa would ask him to talk sooner or later.

They were probably watching him right now, even if he couldn't see any cameras. They'd be stupid not to have planted surveillance in here, especially if they were going to put Finn in here with him as well. Of course, he didn't know that was what they were in fact going to do, but why else would they give him a room with such a large bed.

Poe forced his eyes shut, trying to figure out what had happened there in the room with Organa. Why it had been so hard to tell her what he had intended to tell her all along. Why the headache didn't come back now, when the anger at the Order started welling up inside of him again. His mouth was dry again and he reached for the jug standing in front of him to pour himself a glass of water.

He didn't remember any sort of conditioning.

None.

But maybe that was where the brilliance of First Order conditioning lay. That you had no idea it had been done to you.

He knew the Stormtroopers were forced to undergo certain psychological procedures early on, but he had never considered he himself had been the subject of such measures. But that was the whole idea. To make the subject believe they were doing things of their own free will and by in fact granting them freedom to a certain extent. Until they were about to betray the Order…

How they did it, Poe didn't know and he was sure he didn't want to find out. At least the thought of his mother seemed to have been able to fight whatever they had done to him.

There was not much to do now but to scold himself for his foolishness. Of course, Kafr, who had tortured his mother and groomed him into an officer on his personal Star Destroyer, hadn't left things to chance. Of course, Kafr would have wanted to play it safe.

Finn didn't seem to be affected by the conditioning though. Not at all. Why that was, Poe couldn't tell, but he was grateful for it. Finn was free and always had been in a way. Finn was strong. Far stronger than Poe and certainly stronger than anyone else Poe had ever met. Maybe that was why Finn had been able to withstand conditioning. Poe had never given it much thought and instead simply relied on his partner the way he was.

No… not his partner. His husband…

The concept was still hard to grasp. Husband. He had never thought he'd get married someday and since their little private ceremony he hadn't had time to process it properly. Not that it made any difference in his relationship to Finn. Not really. And yet… it felt different somehow. Good in a way. Promising.

If only he knew where Finn was now. What kind of questions this Skywalker was asking him.

Poe got up from his chair, making the metal legs scratch over the floor. What was he supposed to do, if they kept them apart indefinitely?! It was what the Order would do.

He whirled around, when the door slid open with a soft hiss and his shoulders sagged when he didn't see Finn standing there but someone else entirely.

"Pleased to see me?"

Poe snorted and only barely stopped himself from slumping down on the bed. That would definitely send the wrong message. Instead he folded his arms across his chest. "What are you doing here?"

"How's my droid?"

Poe turned to look at Beebee-Ate. In fact, he would have expected the droid to rush forward and greet his old master with enthusiasm, but in fact it just remained stationary, its dome shaped head only tilted to the side as if considering the person who had just walked in through the door.

Shrugging, Morap sat down on the chair Poe had just vacated without waiting for an invitation.

"He's fine," Poe said quietly, sitting down on the chair opposite Morap, grateful to have the narrow table between them.

"Shouldn't have reset his loyalty settings… he doesn't care about me."

"We are talking about a droid, aren't we?"

"Yeah… but still… somehow you must have managed to get him on your side. How?"

Poe raised his eyebrows. "Nothing? He claims you talked so much about me… Maybe that's it." It wasn't exactly what Beebee-Ate had communicated to him, but that didn't matter. "Take him back, if you want to."

Morap shook his head. "He was a gift. And you have more use for him, I guess. He's helping you with flying?"

"Sometimes."

"How is that going by the way."

"Flying?"

Morap nodded, his eyes fixed on Poe's, making him feel uncomfortable.

"It's alright. I'm not you."

Morap's laugh was the same it had always been, but the effect Poe had expected didn't show. All he felt was the urgent desire for Morap to leave him. But Morap didn't deserve this treatment. Not right now anyway. He had helped them. Without Morap, both the map to Skywalker and the blueprints of the Star Destroyers would still be with them and not with the Resistance.

"I saw you trying to get away from that Destroyer. And you escaped the Order in a TIE. You have potential. Didn't know that about you."

Smirking, Poe reached for the glass he had poured for himself. He only wanted to have something to do. Anything really. Even if it was just holding a glass of water.

"They're taking your ship here by the way. Did you know that?"

"What are you doing here?" he asked, scanning the familiar face across from him. How much things had changed… how he had changed! Morap didn't look much older than he had back in the First Order. Just slightly bigger and even less tidy. Poe couldn't help but notice the worn collar of his shirt and the smudge at his side.

Morap shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"You didn't seem to want to get involved last time we talked."

"Well… to be honest… business isn't going that well and I figured I needed to pick a side."

That made more sense than supposed altruistic reasons Poe wouldn't have believed anyway. He nodded. "You've been here before?" he asked, taking a sip of water.

Nodding, Morap reached for the second glass and poured himself some water and Poe had to restrain himself so he didn't knock it out of Morap's hand straight away. He didn't want to drink with Morap. Not even water. Instead of saying anything, he set his own glass on the table.

"A couple of times actually. Transporting things, nothing more."

"They know about you and the Order?"

"Yeah, but I was just a pilot. There wasn't a whole lot I had to offer them, even if I wanted to."

"You knew about Starkiller," Poe argued. "You know about TIEs. You went on special op missions for the Order."

Morap's smirk was unsettling. "But I didn't know where it is. And you could be on Starkiller as far as I knew," Morap said, still smiling. "But now that you're here… I can make a new start. We're on the same side now."

Reluctantly, Poe nodded. "Seems so." He swallowed hard and looked up at Morap again. Only now did he realize that he had been avoiding Morap's gaze, staring at the tips of his boots instead.

"You look good." Morap said quietly and Poe saw his hand twitch towards him, when the door slid open again, making Poe flinch.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he felt a hot shiver run down his spine, when he saw Finn standing there in the doorway.

"Hey…" Finn said quietly, not seeming surprised to see Morap with Poe. Apparently the guards outside had told him that Poe wasn't alone.

"Hey…" Poe got up, wrapping his arms around Finn. To reassure Finn that he was glad to see him and to show Morap who he was with now. Morap's time was over and Morap had to understand that. Finn's hand on his hip was firm, not hesitant, but still they felt forced there.

"Well, I had better be leaving then…" Morap said, getting to his feet and moving towards the door.

"Hang on!" Poe found himself ask. "Do you ever get… headaches? When… when you're about to betray the Order?"

Morap shook his head, raising his eyebrows. "No. Should I?"

Poe bit his lip and shifted his head to look questioningly at Finn, who shrugged.

"When we ran off… there was this weird drumming, but nothing more… it passed quickly though," Finn said.

Poe swallowed hard but didn't turn to watch Morap leave. As soon as the door closed behind him, Finn dropped his hand and sat down on the bed.

Poe followed him with a sigh, hesitantly putting his hand on Finn's knee.

"What did he want?"

"Hit on me." Poe managed a smile which Finn didn't really return. "Without success, I might add."

"I know." Finn cleared his throat. "How are you? What was that headache talk about?" He reached up to brush his fingertip over Poe's temple. "Are you alright?"

Poe nodded. "I guess I'll just have to find a way to deal with it. Probably just some conditioning I haven't been able to shake."

Finn nodded thoughtfully, his fingers entangling themselves in Poe's hair. Poe closed his eyes and buried his face against Finn's neck immediately.

"I have to say I'm not surprised. I've been kind of waiting for something like this to happen," Finn said.

"Why isn't it happening with you?" Poe asked, wrapping both his arms around Finn's torso.

"I'm not sure," Finn muttered, his breath gently stroking Poe's scalp. "Maybe… I don't know…"

"What?" Poe looked up again, a sudden anxiety tugging at his heart. They must have checked Finn over as well? What if something was wrong with Finn? What if-

"Skywalker said she sensed something. Not sure what to make of it." He swallowed hard. "Something about the Force."