Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles or any of the characters.
TRIGGER WARNING: Self Harm & mentions of abuse. This story is pretty dark. So be warned! Also very Out of Character Maura.
A/N: Thank you so much for all your reviews/follows. You have inspired me to continue. Just a quick explanation… This story will contain numerous flashbacks. These flashbacks will be in Italics, current time in normal font. This story for me is a little bit therapeutic but also a little bit painful. As such, it will likely not be updated as often as other stories out there might be as it takes a fair bit out of me to write. But enough about me! I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)
"I don't understand Maur." Jane replied tenderly, confusion etched on her face. She was quite clearly frazzled, unsure. An internal war raged in her head. One side demanded answers from her best friend, from the woman in front of her who was currently almost unrecognisable to the detective. The other simply wanted to stay wrapped around the doctor, to take her pain away. The latter won out as Jane gently positioned her arms around the M.E., drawing her close, hanging on as tightly as possible as if she believed she could somehow absorb her friend's agony through her arms alone. Relishing having her best friend so close, Jane closed her eyes, trying desperately to push her tears away. She sat motionless for a minute, allowing herself to calm. She then slowly repositioned herself so that she was directly in front of Maura. "What can I do to help Maur?" Jane asked as she motioned towards the Doctor's crimson stained wrist.
Maura stared straight at the Detective, eyes void of emotion. "There is some gauze and antibiotic cream in the first aid kit below the sink." She replied flatly. The honey blonde stared straight ahead as the detective retrieved the kit as instructed. Maura looked towards the detective, flinching only slightly as Jane gently applied the cream. Seeing the pain in her friend's face, Maura realised that for the first time in her life she had someone who was hurting simply because she herself was. As the detective began to gently bind the wound, Maura could no longer resist the urge to share her horrific story with her best friend. She had resisted all these years in order to protect the detective but she realised now that she was hurting her friend by not sharing. She realised the time had come to face her deepest fears and to finally tell someone about the hell she was subjected to for some time.
The M.E. motioned to stand and Jane quickly rose and extended her hand, helping her friend up off the wooden floor. Jane followed Maura to the living room and sat herself next to the blonde, their legs touching. Jane simply needed to be as close as she possibly could be to her friend after what she had just witnessed, to reassure her wandering mind that her best friend was here and alive in spite of her obvious pain. She gently placed her hand on Maura's thigh, a silent motion of support.
"It all started a couple of years before I met you..." The blonde started, suddenly feeling a heavy uneasiness settle upon her. Maybe she still wasn't ready to speak this out loud just yet. She looked down, silently asking someone, anyone, to help her through this.
Jane, the ever vigilant detective and best friend, could sense the doctor's hesitance. While she was desperate for answers, there was no way she was going to push her best friend to do something that was quite clearly causing her discomfort. Without saying a word, she gently encased her best friend's hand with her own, lovingly brushing the blonde's knuckles with her thumb.
For the first time that night, the M.E. permitted her best friend to really see her pain. She looked directly at Jane as she allowed her tears to silently cascade down her face. "When I met a man named Brian."
A young 16 year old Maura Isles briskly walked the halls of her high school, wanting to ensure she could reach her class on time. Eyes cast downward as was now customary for the honey blonde; she failed to see her classmate walking towards her. Suddenly the books she had clasped in her arms were smacked to the ground. Maura looked up briefly to see one of her long time tormentors standing directly in front of her with a scowl on her face. "Well, if it isn't Maura the Bore-a! Always in the way, it's no wonder mommy and daddy shipped you off to boarding school!" The young girl taunted before swiftly taking her exit through the giggling crowd.
Maura, embarrassed and upset, bent down to collect her books as a few errant tears trickled down her cheek. As she went to collect her last textbook, a hand brushed past her own. The blonde looked up to see an unfamiliar face picking her book up. Expecting the stranger to throw her book down the hall as a few of her classmates had done before, Maura silently stayed crouched down on the ground avoiding all eye contact.
"Here's your book." A smooth voice whispered gently, his arm extending the hardcover towards the blonde. Maura now took the time to take in the stranger in front of her. She was met with kind brown eyes laced with sadness. Examining the boy further, she discovered herself immediately attracted to his dusty brown curly hair and the dimples that adorned his face as her gave her a kind and genuine smile.
Unaccustomed to the kindness offered by the boy, Maura took the proffered book and began to breathe erratically. She was used to heartless bullies, taunts and embarrassment. Those were the situations she had become accustomed to, the situations she was somewhat equipped to handle. She was not at all prepared for this show of kindness. Her mind swirled as she attempted to examine the situation for possible causes for the boy's benevolence. Would he now want something from her in return? Was he being nice simply to embarrass her at a later time?
The boy however, seemed not to notice her internal freak out. "I'm Brian." He stated as he put his hand out for Maura to shake.
The young blonde tilted her head in confusion as she attempted to slow down her breathing.
"I just moved here. It's my first day today." Brian continued, his hand still outstretched.
"Did you know that in around 2800BC a handshake was common practice in order to for a host to check their visitor's arms for concealed weapons?" Maura blurted and immediately regretted it as her cheeks went crimson from embarrassment.
Brian looked on with a touch of amusement. "Ah no, I didn't but I assure you that I have no concealed weapons. You can check if you want though." He chuckled and wiggled the fingers of his still outstretched hand.
Maura shyly allowed her gaze to fall to the ground once more as she gently shook his hand. "I'm Maura." She all but whispered.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Maura." He replied as he placed his hand under her chin and gently pulled her face up. "I wish you wouldn't do that Maura, you have beautiful eyes that you should always allow the world to see." He stated softly, smiling adoringly at the blonde.
"Well I best start heading to class. I do not want to be late. Being tardy to class can cause any number of intellectual and social impacts and I do not want to interfere with the education of my peers." Maura held her books tightly to her chest as she turned to walk down the corridor.
"Oh Maura, you forgot something." Brian called out after her.
Maura took stock of her books and, upon recognising that she in fact had all her required books in her grasp, turned around in confusion. The moment she turned, gentle lips were upon her own. Before Maura could even respond, the lips had retreated.
"Chin up Maura, things can only get better from here." Brian whispered charmingly in her ear before heading the opposite direction down the halls of the school.
"It sounds like he was a sweet guy." Jane adds in confusion after a minute of silence.
"He was. He really was." Maura replied bitterly. "I think I am going to need a glass of wine if I am to continue this tale." The doctor admitted as she timidly rose to her feet and made her way towards the kitchen. "Do you want a beer Jane?"
Jane sighed sadly as she too rose to her feet. "Maur, you don't have to tell me anymore if it's too painful for you." Jane offered as she sat herself on a kitchen stool, watching the doctor venture towards the fridge.
"I want to tell you Jane." Maura answered as she cracked opened a beer and handed it to the brunette. "I need to tell you."
Jane remained silent but her eyes never once left the blonde as she poured herself a glass of wine and retreated once more to the living room. Both women returned to their previous positions on the couch and silently drank for a couple of moments before the blonde resumed her story.
"He was kind and sweet to me in high school. He was the first guy to really take in interest in me. I was immediately taken by him, swept up into a whirlwind romance. My best friend at the time had her doubts but I ignored her. All I could see what this charming boy who was romantic and attentive."
"Maura, I really feel that you need to be careful with him. I just don't trust him. I mean who kisses someone the first time they meet them?" Maura's best friend Nina stated in frustration.
"Nina I don't understand why you can't just be happy for me! I finally have someone who is sweet and caring and you are being unduly critical of him. Oh, I read a study recently about women who disliked their friend's partners due to them being seen as negative influences. So what misdemeanours, pray tell, has Brian committed to cause you to shunt him?" The blonde responded, wholly frustrated by the conversation.
"Misde- what?" Nina confusingly replied, her head tilted as she attempted to understand her wordy friend.
"Misdemeanour: meaning a minor wrongdoing. So please tell me what it is precisely that has you so against Brian?"
"I just have a bad feeling Maura. I've even seen him flirting with other girls!" Her friend replied, her arms gesturing wildly.
"That's a lie Nina! Are you jealous or something?!" Maura yelled in reply.
"WHAT? No Maura it's not like that at all." Nina replied as she allowed her gaze to fall to the floor, her voice becoming small and resigned. "I just don't want you to get hurt." She whispered softly.
"Well the only person that is currently causing me harm is you." Maura responded tersely before turning and walking away from her best friend.
"She has a point you know Maur, about him kissing you straight up. That was a bit presumptuous of him." The detective commented after a beat.
"I know that now but I could not perceive it at the time. I was so enamoured by him that my judgement was clouded. Besides, he didn't start to show his true hues until well after high school had concluded."
Jane chuckled slightly. "Colours Maur; the saying is true colours."
Maura looked at the amusement held in her best friend's eyes and relaxed a little further. There had always been something about the detective that put her at ease. In this instance, she was expressly thankful for that particular gift.
"So did you and your friend ever work it out?" Jane asked, completely captivated by the doctor's retelling of her story.
"We did. It was, however, a constant point of contention. As you can likely ascertain due to the fact that you have never met Nina, we did not remain best friends after school. However, we do share a meal together every year or so." The blonde replied sadly. She has always been disappointed in herself for not listening to her friend's kindly advice. Just another fact she added to her ever growing mental self-degradation list.
"So what happened with Brian after that Maur?" Jane gently prompted, eyes turning serious once more as she looked caringly at her friend.
"Well we dated for the remaining years of high school. As we were in boarding school in France, we broke up after high school finished. I was to attend BCU here and he was going on the attend college in France. It was decided that the distance would not do us any good. The break up was amicable, or so I thought at the time. I went quite some time without hearing from him. Then one day, I returned after a lecture to find him waiting at my dorm room with flowers in his hand."
To be continued…