Hades was going to kill Brain. And then contact Keyes of Tartaros, have him resurrect the fucker, and then kill him again. Being the Master of a Dark Guild meant a lot of things - it meant he had to be powerful, intimidating, and at least semi-criminally insane, but it did not mean that he had to give "The Talk" to a group of Dark Mages in training.
On the bright side, the older children (Ultear, Simon, Richard, Sorano, and Sawyer) already knew, and Richard had claimed to have explained everything to Wally about a year earlier. So, while the other six children were off doing their own things (i.e., talking about little sisters, drawing race cars, peeling potatoes for dinner, and/or freezing over Zancrow's bedroom out of spite), the younger kids were sitting in the main room watching their Guild Master pace.
"Do you think we're in trouble?" Shô asked his roommate, Macbeth, quietly.
Roommates had been decided based on age, gender, and, in some cases, familiarity - Macbeth and Shô, Richard and Wally, Erza and Millianna, Ultear and Sorano, Simon and Jellal, and Erik and Sawyer. However, Sawyer had had one too many instances of waking up to see a rather large snake staring at him, and had asked Jellal if they could switch. Since Simon and Sawyer got along fairly well (and since Sawyer's definition of "ask" was synonymous with "guilt-trip"), Jellal had agreed. He liked Cubellios, and he liked spending time with Erik, so it wasn't much of a problem for him. Besides, every now and then, he got the feeling that Simon didn't like him very much.
"No." The half-awake boy grunted irritably. Macbeth was lying on the floor with his head on Jellal's lap. Every now and then, Erza would send him an annoyed look, and he would stick his tongue out at her. Jellal was, as always, completely oblivious to this.
"Master Hades, is everything all right?" the blue-haired boy asked. Hades sighed, and turned to face the kids.
"Children," he began, "you have all reached an age where we - that is to say, Brain and myself - have agreed that it is time you learned a bit more about yourselves." Erik raised a hand.
"Why does Jelly have a tattoo?" he asked bluntly. At the mention of his unfortunate nickname, Jellal blushed.
"Could you not call me that?" He pleaded. Erik shrugged.
"Sure thing, Tomato-face." He said, grinning at his roommate. Jellal's face (which had gained many less than flattering nicknames due to how easily the person it was attached to got embarrassed) reddened even more, and he covered it with his hands. Hades cleared his throat.
"As I was saying," he continued, giving the two boys a warning look, "you are all going to be experiencing some physical changes very soon. Some of you," he said, gesturing towards Erza, "are already experiencing these changes."
"You mean these?" Erza asked, pointing at her breastplate. Hades nodded.
"Yes. Those. Millianna, you too will also begin to grow breasts fairly soon."
"How soon?" Millianna asked, looking worried. "Will it hurt?"
"I don't think so," Hades told her. "And not for a while. You aren't even ten yet, so I'd say you have a couple more years, at least." Millianna relaxed.
"That's good," the cat-loving girl said. She leaned against Jellal in relief, but back up when Macbeth hissed at her. "Angry kitty…" she mumbled. Erza pulled Millianna into a hug - causing the brunette's head to collide with the redhead's armor. "Meowch!"
"Sorry," Erza mumbled, looking abashed.
"Erza, Millianna," Hades continued, "You two can talk to Ultear and Sorano if you have any questions. Dismissed!" The two girls stood up, bowed, and ran out of the room, giggling. Hades sighed, and turned back to the boys. Shô and Macbeth had gotten into a fight over who got to sit on Jellal, Erik was trying to convince Cubellios to follow the girls and scare them, and Jellal was ignoring the two boys fighting over his lap and instead trying to simultaneously watch Erik and pay attention to Hades. The Master of Grimoire Heart gave up. "You boys can go to," he said wearily. "I'll tell you when you're older." Hades turned and strode from the room. Obviously, girls really did mature faster than boys.
Elsewhere, Ultear finished pouring gasoline all over Zancrow's pillows.