Wow! What a long gap! Here it is, at long last. Hope you like it.

CHAPTER TEN

SADIE

Sadie woke screaming.

She screamed and fought all with all her strength. She felt the weight on her arms, the stinging pain in the side of her chest, the discomfort in her head, and something shoved down her throat. She gagged and gagged until the object was dislodged, then she coughed from the aftertaste and the residual discomfort. The rest of the issues were yet to resolve though, and she screamed, her voice hoarse and her throat dry. Her eyes opened to look at the solitary white bulb overhead and she barely registered the blurry faces before the pain her arm increased and she felt dizzy, hazy, tired, and passed out unconscious.

"What happened?" Spencer asked the nurse, who was still panting heavily when Spencer was wheeled in by his own nurse into Sadie's ICU room. The ICU nurse turned to him, eyes wide with shock and disbelief.

"She's a fighter" she informed, "That's the second time she's woken up fighting all the equipment in the last 6 hours"
Spencer scowled.

"Why are you still sedating her?" he asked, as the nurse wheeled him up to Sadie's bed.

She had plaster casts upto her elbow on both arms, a knee-length cast on her right leg, a heavily-packed bandage on her head, covering her left eye completely. She had just puked all the contents of her stomach onto her chest, which was just bitter yellow bile and the breathing tube. Spencer scowled.

"I'll stay here for a while" he stated firmly and the nurses exchanged looks, as if they'd been expecting it.

"Alright, but you can't get in the way of the treatment" his nurse told him, parking his chair beside the bed firmyl, before walking out.

The ICU nurse went back to work, cleaning up all the mess Sadie had made during the two minutes she'd gained consciousness. Spencer scowled at her and wondered if she was ok. If she was ever going to be ok. He felt his eyes tearing and swallowed down his anxiety. She would pull-through, he told himself, she would. She was a fighter and she was stronger than she looked. He believed that. He had to. He could do nothing else.

"Look what the cat dragged in"

Spencer's head shot up from the drowsy state he'd been in for the last hour and he turned to the voice, surprised to see Sofia Walters, dressed in green scrubs standing at the doorway.

"Sofia" he said, "What are you doing here?"

Sofia walked into the room and checked on all the medical equipment that was attached to Sadie's limp, unconscious form.

"I work here" she informed bluntly, "Are you well enough to be out of your own bed?" she asked, wounding worried. Spencer nodded.

"I'd rather be here" he murmured, turning back to look at Sadie.

"Cara's awake" Sofia informed, "She's yelling up a storm at the brother as we speak"

Spencer nodded.

"Someone should" he said. Sofia sighed.

"Someone should" she agreed.

They fell into silence, both staring at the reason they were sharing the room in the first place. Sadie looked pale against the white hospital sheet. She was breathing independently now, which was progress, as far as Spencer knew.

"Do you think she'll be alright?" Spencer heard himself ask. Sofia turned to him and her lips pressed into a thin line.

"I know for a fact that Sadie's a fighter. She's always been strong and I hope that whatever happened hasn't crushed her spirit. That's the only time when she'd lose: if she lost her spirit" she stated, turning to stare at Sadie. Then, she leaned down and tucked a lock of hair out of Sadie's face.

"Our brave, kind Sadie" she whispered, like it was a prayer, then stepped back.

"I've to get back to work" Sofia informed, "Watch over her for me" she said to Spencer, glancing at him, before walking out the door.

Spencer watched her leave and wondered why Sofia looked as broken as he felt. Sadie must be an important person in Sofia's life, he gathered, though he knew so by the way the three women had behaved when he'd accidently arrived on "geek night" uninvited. He turned to look at Sadie's sleeping form instead, drinking in her appearance, not blinking for even a moment because he felt afraid that he might lose her if he did. It was a strange feeling. It was a new feeling. He felt vulnerable. He knew that he ought to know better. He knew that he ought to trust her, and he did. He trusted in her. Like Sofia, like Nolan, like Cara, where ever she was. Spencer scowled and looked at Sadie's sleeping form. She looked asleep, despite the heavy bandages, and she didn't seem to be suffering. He breathed out with relief. Then, he reached out to take stroke her free fingers and willed her to wake up as soon as she could.

Spencer whispered softly by Sadie's ear and he talked of small things, like what he'd done while in New York, the things he'd seen while he was there, all the things that had reminded him of her, of how he'd missed her every single waking moment, and how he wished he'd been there with her, instead of solving crimes in another city.

He talked about all the things he was looking forward to doing with her, like going to the Opera, driving along the interstate while they listened to Coldplay, and reading her latest work-in-progress.

He hoped that he was getting through to her as he drifted off to sleep.

The darkness around Sadie seemed to dull and flutter, like a veil.

Through the darkness she heard a familiar voice, talking about the Empire State building, Brooklyn bridge, and Times Square.

She frowned and squinted through the dark veil and wondered who was talking.

She couldn't remember anything about who she was, or how she'd ended up in the dark place where everything was dampened down by the darkness that seemed to go on forever.

She listened to the voice that spoke to her softly, lovingly, and wondered if she could reach the voice if she ran towards it.

The voice spoke of other things now, things that seemed detached and unrelated, like the weather and driving through the countryside, and watching Doctor Who re-runs while eating muffins.

Sadie's heart filled with hope.

She ran faster and it seemed to her like his voice was getting closer.

She swallowed down the pain of her limbs and she moved towards the voice, towards the light.

Spencer woke abruptly from his slumber and looked at Sadie's sleeping form in front of him. She was stirring. Not wildly, like the last time, but like she was waking up after a long night's rest. Her one good eye fluttered open and she looked around, pupils dilated, clearly confused and afraid as her eye moved around, assessing the surroundings.

"Help" she whispered, and that small breath, in that short moment, pushed Spencer into action, as he stood up abruptly, pushed the Nurse-call button, elevated Sadie's head slightly, and met her gaze.

"Sadie, it's me, Spencer" he said softly, "You're ok, you're safe" he told her gently.

"Water" she whispered, her voice cracking on the last syllable. The nurse came in and checked Sadie and all the equipment that she was connected to.

"Water" Sadie whispered again, this time louder.

"Nurse, bring her a glass of water" the middle-aged doctor commanded, as he entered the room and saw that Sadie was awake and doing well.

"Sadie, it's ok" the doctor said, coming up to stand by her bed, and checking her open eye with a flashlight, "Can you tell me: what's the last thing you remember?" he asked gently. Sadie's eye darted in confusion.

"Lights swinging above my head" she replied, trying to wet her lips, but her mouth seemed to be dry. The doctor helped her sip some water through a straw.

"No, your last memory of when you remember exactly what was going on" he corrected himself. Sadie scowled.

"I was walking to the grocery store" she said, "I hadn't shopped in a week and was out of milk and paper"

The doctor nodded encouragingly, allowing her some more sips of water.

"What was the date?" he asked. Sadie frowned, her brow twitching uncomfortably.

"It was September 21st, 2015" she said uncertainly.

The doctor's eyebrows drew together, and he looked her over, his grey eyes scanning her mutely.

"That's correct" he said with a nod of approval. Spencer watched from the sidelines as the doctor asked a few more questions to test Sadie's orientation. She looked strange, Spencer decided, strangely distant.

"Well, Dr. Reid, I'll let the agents know that Miss O'Connell's up and in good health" the doctor said, shaking Spencer's hand, "Just shout if you need anything"

Spencer nodded absently as the doctor left the room and he was alone with Sadie, save the nurse.

"Sadie?" he said, uncertainly, timidly, taking a step towards her bed. Sadie's eye fell on him and softened considerably, but there was something apart from relief and happiness there on seeing him: something he couldn't quite place.

"Spencer" she whispered, "You look like you've been dragged to hell and back"

Spencer smiled fondly as he clasped her fingers with his'. "I think I was" he laughed. Sadie smiled.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, his brow furrowing worriedly. Sadie bit her lip.

"Everything hurts" she admitted, "But, it's ok" she added softly, "I've been through worse"

Spencer didn't have the heart to bring up her childhood and wondered how he could ease her pain.

"Is there anything you want me to do?" he asked, "I could ask the doctors to up the morphine"

Sadie clenched down on her teeth for a half a minute.

"That would be nice" she said, her jaw unclenching, "It would be very nice"

Spencer pushed the button to summon the nurse once more and asked if the morphine could be upped.

"The doctor needs to write down that order" she said helplessly. Spencer scowled. It was at that exact moment that Sofia arrived, smiling widely on seeing that her friend was awake and wrote down the order to up the morphine according to patient requirement.

"Hey, kiddo" Sofia greeted, "Nice to see you've pulled through"

Sadie managed a small smile.

"I think my superpower may be the same as Wolverine's - nearly impossible to kill" Sadie commented.

Sofia grinned and pecked Sadie's forehead.

"You had us worried for a minute there" she admitted. Sadie winced as Sofia sat down beside her on the bed.

"Gotcha" she joked with a wink, or may be she was just blinking. Sofia smiled and brushed some hair out of Sadie's face.

"Do you remember something?" Sofia asked, "About what happened? Who did this to you? Anything?"

Spencer noted keenly that Sofia hadn't asked who had rescued her. Perhaps, Sofia didn't want Sadie remembering her brother either, he mused quietly. Sadie's face fell at the question and she pursed her lips, which was unlike her: Spencer had never seen her purse her lips before.

"Can we not talk about this right now?" Sadie said, "Please, Sof?"

Sofia sighed and nodded.

"Liz has been driving me mad with her phonecalls" she informed, "I'll tell her you're ok and she'll drop by for a visit soon, yeah?"

Sadie nodded.

"Cara?" she asked. Sofia scowled.

"She's awake" she informed, "She's in the post-operative ward. I'll let her know you're awake too"

"Thanks, Sof" Sadie mumbled. Sofia stood and walked around the bed, checking the monitors and equipment. Spencer sat down in his wheelchair and rolled closer to Sadie's bed.

"Are you alright here, Dr. Reid?" Sofia asked. Spencer looked up and nodded.

"Thanks, Sofia, I'll stay here with Sadie" he informed her. Sofia nodded and then, waving to Sadie, left the room.

"Sadie, do you remember anything about the time you were kidnapped?" Spencer asked. Sadie's eye darted to him and stayed on him. She was biting her bottom lip, like she usually did when she was troubled and holding something back.

"Why would you think I wouldn't remember any of it?" she asked in response, "I mean, how can I not? I was awake for most of it"

Spencer scowled.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? You might be surprised by how much just talking about it can help" he offered. Sadie looked down at her many bandaged wounds.

"I know that I have to talk to a psychiatrist" she replied, "Again. I can't recount the tales twice. Sorry, Spencer, I can't talk to you about this" she stated.

Spencer scowled at Sadie's serious demeanor. He wondered what could she have experienced that she didn't feel comfortable sharing with him: the man who loved her. Spencer opened his mouth to protest, when the door opened and in walked the reason for all their misfortune: Nolan O'Connell. Sadie looked up at the door and her eyes widened in shock and disbelief.

"You..." she whispered as Nolan smiled apologetically and walked to the foot of her bed.

"Hey, Z" he said, "Sorry about that"

Sadie scowled at him.

"Get out!" she yelled. Nolan grinned.

"Come on, Z. I rescued you, you know! You and Car!" he said.

Sadie glared at him, looking angrier than Spencer could even imagine. He wanted to ask Nolan to leave, but he was curious about what Sadie would do next. He wanted to see if she would confide in her brother the things she couldn't confide in him.

"Get out, you bloody git! I'll kill you! You hear me! The moment I get out of this mess you put me in, I'll kill you!" she yelled, trying to sit up and point an accusatory finger in his direction. The nurse came running in.

"Miss! Please, you mustn't over exert yourself!" she said, pushing Sadie back to the bed and glaring at the other occupants of the room.

"I must ask you leave" the nurse said, looking from Spencer to Nolan. Spencer scowled.

"I didn't do anything!" Spencer protested.

"I'll skin you! You hear me, you git! I'll skin you and feed you to the sharks!" Sadie continued to yell at her brother, using obscenely vivid imagery to describe the state that she would induce in him once she got out of the hospital.

"You, both of you" the nurse said, glaring at the men, "Leave now! We can't have her becoming upset again!" she stated, then called for help by pushing the buzzer.

"Miss, lie down!" the nurse insisted firmly, then injected a sedative in Sadie's drip that made her unconscious, while the men were escorted out of the room and the ICU wing altogether.

"That was messy" Sofia said, meeting them at the door, "I guess we'll restrict visitors for her"

"It was not my fault" Spencer insisted. Sofia glared at him.

"You didn't make him leave, ergo you didn't help" she pointed out logically, "Go home, both of you. I'll let you know when she wants to talk"

Nolan grinned.

"I'm glad she's pulled through, that girl is tough" he commented, "Look after her for me, Walters" he met Sofia's eyes, "I brought this for her to read" he added, pulling out an old hard-bound book from his jacket, "Have someone read to her. She likes it"

Sofia took the book and nodded.

"Now, goodbye, boys" she said, then went back into the ICU, leaving Spencer standing beside the man he wanted nothing to do with.

"Seems like we're both banned from seeing her" Nolan commented, "Come on Doc, let's go to the cafeteria"

Spencer scowled. He didn't want to go anywhere with this man. No where at all. But, he wanted to know more about the people that had captured him and Sadie, and Cara, and what this man was going to do next.

"If I go to the cafeteria, will you answer some questions I have?" Spencer askeed. Nolan glanced at Spencer and shrugged.

"Sure, why not?" he replied, "Let's go"

They sat at the only empty table in the cafeteria after buying a salad for Spencer and a coffee for Nolan. Nolan sipped his coffee, looking around the room, like a typical agent. Spencer, on the other hand, stared at the man in front of him and did what he knew best to do: profile. Nolan had the typical build of a person who was bullied during his childhood, when he'd hit puberty, Spencer guessed Nolan had taken up some sport in order to focus his anger, then he'd somehow managed to get into the FBI, through his intensive training and probable GPA. He looked aloof, but Spencer knew despite not looking straight at him, Nolan was doing the exact same that Spencer was: Nolan was profiling him.

"So, you're a genius" Nolan said, looking at Spencer and grinning, "I hope you don't mind, I had Rogers look you up"

Spencer did mind, but didn't admit it. Instead, he pressed his lips together and waited, knowing Nolan was hardly at the end of his observation.

"How much of your confinement do you remember, Dr. Reid?" Nolan asked, "Don't lie to me. I need the specifics"

"I joined you on the condition that I would ask some questions" Spencer pointed out. Nolan grinned wider.

"One each, in that case" he replied, "I'll go first: answer me"

"I was awake long enough to be questioned by a large burly man with multiple scars on his face that ruptured my spleen and knocked me out" Spencer replied.

"What were the questions they asked you?" Nolan prodded.

"My turn" Spencer pointed out, "Who were the people that had kidnapped not just Cara, but Sadie as well?"

"They are a group of Eastern European smugglers working mostly out of Bucharest. They kidnapped Cara and Sadie to get to me, because I'm their prime target" Nolan informed, "So, my turn? What were the questions they asked you?"

Spencer scowled, thinking back to the time of his confinement: it seemed ages ago that that had happened.

"Where is the remote, where has she hid the remote" Spencer said, "That last one bothered me because his grammar in the other question was spot on. Why would he use those words in that order? It had troubled me then too" he admitted. Nolan scowled.

"Because it wasn't 'she'" he informed, "It was Z, the letter, Sadie's nickname"

"Why would Sadie hide anything at all? What has she got to do with any of this?" Spencer asked doubtfully.

"My turn" Nolan said, instead of replying, "What are your intentions with Sadie?"

Spencer scowled.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked. Nolan leaned forward in his seat intimidatingly.

"I mean, what do you feel about her? What do you plan to do? How willing are you to sacrifice yourself for her sake? Basically" he said. Spencer scowled and leaned back, annoyed by this man.

"You have no right to ask me that" he informed, "And it's none of your business"

"She's my baby sister" Nolan stated bluntly, "Anyone who gets close to her is my business"

Spencer glared at the man now, annoyed and irritated.

"Sadie is a very important person in my life. I care about her a lot. I went into a burgled apartment for her, knowing the unsub might be inside. So, yes, I am willing to take a bullet for her, so to speak" he replied, "But the question is, Agent O'Connell, how willing are you to do the same for her? Because as far as I've seen, you're the reason all of us are here in the first place"

Nolan held Spencer's gaze as he sat back in his seat.

"He's only known as Frank" Nolan informed, "He was a potential love-interest of Sadie's during her early years in Edinburgh. He was the man I was after while working in Bucharest, and all the while, he'd snuck into the UK, befriended my barely sociable baby sister, and smuggled a nuclear detonator into the country. Imagine my surprise when I found out. He was supposedly eliminated by a sniper team, but they never recovered the body. Sadie assumed he'd left, though she still strongly felt he'd come back. He hid the denonator in her shared flat before disappearing. We never recovered it. He assumed that we had: and that Sadie knew its whereabouts"

Spencer was so surprised by this story, he had frozen in his seat, staring at the man blankly. A potential love interest of Sadie's who had been a terrorist, boy did that girl attract danger!

"He contacted me last year, asking me to hand over the detonator if I wanted Sadie to be safe. I told him I'd deliver it. And on my way, I faked my death to look like a car accident, while my Bureau report stated I'd been assasinated. The explosion in the car ensured that they wouldn't look for the detonator anywhere. After all, I'd promised to bring it along," he paused and sipped his coffee before continuing, "I went back under cover, worked my way up from the streets in Greece, all the way to Bucharest. But Frank recognised me the day I first appeared. This was last month. I barely managed to get away with my life from there, but I knew Sadie was in danger. I had to return, not just to D.C., but to the Bureau too. I also knew that my best chance of catching Frank was when he was interrogating Sadie. So, we waited."

"Where's the detonator?" Spencer asked, when Nolan stopped for breath and took another sip of his coffee.

"I have no frickin' clue" he replied, "I've checked all of Sadie's belongings, the entire flat in Edinburgh, the entire flat here. Where ever he hid it, it's concealed so well I can't seem to be able to find it"

"Where's the bomb?" Spencer asked. Nolan scowled.

"That is classified" he replied, "It's a need-to-know only"

Spencer nodded. That made sense. Now, they sat, with nothing else to discuss, while Nolan sipped his coffee and Spencer finally returned to his salad.

"That book you gave Sofia" Spencer said, after eating one spoonful of salad, "Which one was it?"

Nolan grinned widely.

"Don't tell me you don't know what her favourite book is" he teased, "Doctor Reid! I thought you were a profiler! Didn't you profile Sadie?"

"Of course not" he replied, "I just wasn't aware Sadie had a favourite book: she is an avid reader"

Nolan grinned wider, showing his teeth.

"I'm not sure I should tell you" he teased, "This is Sadie. She's a very private person"

Spencer frowned at the brother.

"Fine, I'll ask her" he concluded, "That won't be an invasion of privacy"

"Yeah, go for it" Nolan said, though it sounded far too sarcastic to be encouraging.

Spencer went back to his own room to lie down. He felt tired, though he wasn't sure if the feeling was physical or mental.

He was happy that Sadie was alive and well, though she seemed like a completely different person from the woman he had fallen in love with.

What was important, he told himself, was she was awake and alive and better than he could ever hope she could be after that incident. He fell asleep from pure exhaustion and fell into a dreamless slumber.

"Spencer! We need you, wake up!" cried a hushed voice as Spencer woke, sometime in the middle of the night. Spencer blinked and sat up, immediately alert.

"What's wrong?" he asked Sofia, who was the one who'd woken him up.

"Sadie's asking for you" she informed, "Are you up for it?"

"Now?" he repeated, frowning with confusion and worry. Sofia pressed her lips together and nodded.

"Now" she confirmed. Spencer was out of his bed in a moment and Sofia sat him a wheelchair and rolled him up to the ICU in record time.

"Just promise me you won't do to her what her brother did?" Sofia said, outside of Sadie's door.

"I wouldn't even dream of it" he informed her, "I'll walk" he added, standing up and stumbling into the room on unsteady feet.

"Spencer" Sadie breathed, "I'm so glad you're here" she whispered, as he walked up beside his bed and stood beside her good eye.

"Of course I am" he replied softly, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Sadie's lip twitched.

"I was an uncouth feral thing when you were here last" she mumbled, "I wondered if you would come back"

"Sadie, I love you" he said, "You know that, don't you?"

Sadie's eye watered and a few tears rolled down her cheek and she nodded once, then winced.

"I'm sorry about earlier" she mumbled, "It's just, I didn't believe it when they told me he was alive and well" she added, "I told them that they must be mistaken, if my big brother were alive, he'd have come back home a long time ago. They knew exactly what was going on, Spencer. They knew everything about me"

"Your brother said you knew Frank in Edinburgh" Spencer said. Sadie looked up.

"I hung out with him a few times" she admitted, "He was strangely kind to me, who was an outcast" she swallowed and looked down, "I had no idea he was a wanted criminal. I guess I'm not really good with reading people. Frank the terrorist, Nolan O'Connell the anti-terrorist FBI agent - I must be an easy person to fool"

"It's not like that" he replied, when she stopped and held her breath, and he knew she was holding back bucket loads of tears, "People just don't want you to see them at their worst. They're trying to protect you"

Spencer half-believed, and half-hoped that had been her brother's intention. If not, then it was just too cruel.

Sadie pressed her lips together and Spencer remained silent, waiting. She licked her lips and looked up at him.

"I'm not sure if what we've been doing counts as dating" she said, and Spencer's heart soared for a moment, "But, I think we should stop now"

"Wha-" Spencer started.

"Hear me out first" she said, cutting him off, "All my life I have been dependent on one man after another. First, my father, then my brother, then Frank, then my brother again, and now you. I have never really lived life as a free person. I am bound to some one or another and they keep hurting me"

"I wouldn't do that to you" Spencer countered. Sadie's eye softened.

"I know" she whispered, "But, I need to learn to be by myself, to be my own person. Does that make any sense?" she finished uncertainly. Spencer stared at her in surprise and in admiration.

"It does" he replied, "You should learn to be your own person" he told her. Sadie nodded and the tears spilled freely down her cheek and wet her hospital gown.

"I'm sorry" she said, "I wish there was another way"

"As do I" he replied, and stroked her hand softly.

Sadie cried for a long time, and Spencer sat beside her, caressing her fingers, without anything else to do, holding in his pain and heart ache. She sniffled and looked up at him.

"I think you should leave now" she said at last. Spencer nodded and stood up amicably, leaned forward to kiss her forehead, lingered for longer than necessary against her skin and pulled away to smile at her encouragingly.

"I'll see you around" he said weakly. Sadie licked her lip, swallowed nothing and nodded.

"Around" she repeated, "Thank you, Dr. Spencer Reid. You were fantastic" she said. Spencer nodded and walked to the door.

"Can I ask you one thing?" he said, stopping at the door and turning around. Sadie's eyebrow shot up with curiosity.

"What is it?" she inquired softly.

"What's your favourite book?" he asked. Sadie blinked.

"One favourite? Out of all those amazing masterpieces out there?" she asked dramatically, "I don't think I could pick one" she said, at last, sounding sincerely troubled

"If you could, which would you say it was? As a matter of life or death?" he said. Sadie snorted.

"Life or death" she said drily, "I guess it would be 'Wuthering Heights', because everyone's got their Heathcliff" she mumbled. Spencer nodded.

"Good bye, Sadie" he said finally. Sadie nodded.

"Take care Spencer" she whispered as he left the room and walked out the ICU, his whole body, his mind, his soul numb from the turmoil and the heartbreak. He staggered to his room and fell into Morgan's arms, weeping like a little child who had lost everything, because he was and he had lost everything.

A/N: Sorry for the long hiatus. A great many things have happened in my life, but nothing of any consequence. This chapter took a long drain on my time, my mind and my heart. It has been, by far, the most difficult chapter I've written, and I wrote a gory murder-suicide story last year for a competition! Please review to let me know what you think! I appreciate all forms of input.