September 2014

It had been three weeks since Matt's accident, three weeks worth of hospital visits and sleepless nights. Three weeks of waiting for some kind of change in his condition, of waiting for him to wake up. The toll it had taken on her was more than the others understood or even knew. From the exhaustion of minimal sleep to the constant worry she felt. Every time her phone rang, she didn't know what to expect. Was it going to be Kendra this time? Would she give good or bad news?

For those weeks, she'd fallen into a routine. She'd work the days she had to, checking in on Matt when they ended up at Chicago Med. After shift, she'd go home for a few hours, then go to the hospital to visit for a few, then go back home. It wasn't ideal, but it worked for the time being.

However, on this day, things went a little different than planned. Towards the end of their shift, Gabby had gotten a call from Chicago Med. This - due to Casey's constantly never-changing condition - wasn't expected, but always dreaded. She stared at the phone in her hand up until the last ring before she hastily answered.

"This is Gabriella Dawson," she quickly said, hoping she hadn't missed the call entirely. When she heard a voice on the other end, she was relieved. She kept a straight face, ready to know what was going on.

"There's been a change in Matt's condition," Kendra told her. She didn't listen long enough to know whether it was good or bad, the phone dropping to the ground and her standing up so fast she got lightheaded. Everyone in the common room turned to look at her, faces confused. Rather than explaining, she grabbed Shay's hand and walked to the ambulance, getting in. She hoped Shay would understand, and it seemed like her partner did.

The ride to Chicago Med was quiet, the only sound being radio chatter. Gabby tried to convince herself his condition improved, but all she could focus on was the possibility of things going south. Her breaths were jagged, shallow, feeling like she was underwater. The thoughts raced through her head, and suddenly she was back in Iraq. She was back to turning herself into a war machine to cope with what she considered Matt's death. She was back to the heat and the sweating, the sleepless nights and the long days. The gunfire deafened her, not just with sound but emotionally too. She saw bodies lying on the ground, people dying. She saw a girl crying looking on as her family was slaughtered. A dog eating the corpse of her brother.

"Gabby," Shay's voice breaking through the memories. When she finally came to, the collar of her shirt was soaked with sweat, her fingers and lips tingling. She turned to look at her friend, eyes wide and dead inside. No sparkle, no life. "Are you sure you want to go in? I can call Kendra, see what's going on." She shook her head, unbuckling and getting out of the car. When her feet touched pavement instead of sand, she knew she was in Chicago. She knew her memories were just that, memories. But that didn't make them any less real or destructive.

She walked around to the driver's side, taking Shay's hand in hers to help ground her and keep her in the now and not the past. As they walked into the building, her mind went from thoughts a mile-a-minute to just one. One name. One thought. One fear. Matt. She steadied herself in the elevator once more as they went up to the third floor. When the door opened, she couldn't find it in herself to exit, couldn't find the will to move. The thought of losing him, it drained her. Now, she knew there was a better chance of it being good news. She knew they'd just been waiting for him to wake up, almost out of the woods. Almost.

"Come on Gabby," Shay urged. She nodded, walking out of the small space into a wide open waiting room. Rather than sitting where she had for weeks, they walked straight to the nurse's desk where a doctor they didn't recognize stood. The nurse motioned towards the two, and the man turned.

"Is one of you Gabriella Dawson?" the man said. Gabby looked up and nodded at him, not saying anything. "Matt's been asking for you." The smile that formed quivered slightly as she heard that sentence. He was awake, he was okay. That's all that mattered to her in that moment. The nurse he was talking to led them to Matt's room where he was sitting up, eyes open. She hesitated when the nurse put a hand on her shoulder.

"You might have a hard time understanding him," the woman said softly. "It's not uncommon for him to have some trouble talking right now - which should get better with time. He also may not remember things around the time of the accident, and he might not remember things that happened a while ago. Memories may not form for a few days or weeks now that he's awake, but it's something we'll monitor throughout his recovery." Gabby nodded and walked inside, smile on her face and tears in her eyes. Shay stood outside, letting them have a minute. She could only assume her friend was also letting everybody know Matt was awake.

"Hey," she said softly, sitting in the chair next to him and taking his hand in hers. He looked at her with a smile on his face, and it reminded her of when they first met. Back then, he had smiled and shook her hand. This time, he smiled and kissed it. "How're you feeling?"

"P'ty good," he told her. "Tied." She nodded, understanding fully.

"You scared me, scared us all," she then told him. "Don't scare me like that again." His smile faded and a look of confusion flashed across his face, as if he didn't know he'd lost three weeks of his life. Her heart sank, the nurse's words echoing in her head. If he might not remember events around the time of the accident, could that mean he didn't remember it at all? How much time had he lost? "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Thai food." She knew what he was talking about. The night they made up and started to work things out, they'd ordered thai before going going to bed. He remembered nothing from the day of the accident. With that knowledge, she had a little better understanding.

"Well, when you get out of here, we'll get some Thai again. Get some rest." He nodded slightly, resting his head back on the pillows and closing his eyes. She knew he had been in this spot before, but not with her. She may not have liked Hallie all that much, but she had a little bit more of an understanding of why she did what she did. Now that she knew Matt didn't remember the accident, she didn't want him to. Gabby wanted to protect him from that knowledge, from that pain. But that's where she and Hallie differed. Gabby may want to protect him from it, but she wasn't going to lie to him. She wasn't going to keep a part of his life from him.

A/N: It's good to be back. Thank you for the support with the past few chapters. Writer's block is hell sometimes. I hope you all enjoyed it.