October 2014
In terms of progress, Made had made leaps and bounds. He was walking again, eating on his own, forming new memories. This made everybody excited to have him back, although they knew the process of getting cleared for duty was a tedious one. Almost all of them had gone through the process, some more times than others. They knew of the hoops he was going to have to jump through, but everybody knew that if somebody could do it easily, it was Casey.
Being home was a little bit of a different story than his physical recovery. Ever since waking after the accident, his lapse in memory had shown to be more than originally thought. He didn't remember the day of the accident, he couldn't remember phone numbers or addresses he'd memorized years ago. Sometimes, he couldn't find the word he was looking for. Instead of grocery store, he'd say 'the place where you go to buy food.' Doctor Charles, the psychiatrist at Chicago Med had talked to both Matt and Gabby about it, explaining the reasoning behind the memory loss and that he may never fully regain it. It wasn't just the memories he was having a problem with, it was the emotions. Some days he'd be Matt, being normal. And others, his mood swings would scare Gabby. His confusion and anger and sadness all combusting at once for little to no reason.
At first, she was scared to leave him home alone when she went to work. The thought of him getting hurt again was terrifying, and it could easily happen when she wasn't home. A few times, he'd put a pizza in the oven and forgotten about, filling the room with smoke from the burning food. Or, he'd forget to eat entirely, not registering that he was hungry. However, their family at the firehouse helped them figure it all out. When she was on shift, Cindy would come over or Gabby would drop him off at the Herrmann household until she got off shift. He had told her time and time again that he didn't want to be a burden to the mother, but both Herrmann and Cindy had assured him many times that it was no problem.
After a few weeks had passed, and his short-term memory got better, he had started staying at home by himself when she was at work. Those first few shifts had worried her, but things had gone smoothly and without a hitch. She was just glad to be able to come home to Matt again.
"You excited for you appointment tomorrow?" she asked, curled into him as they sat on the couch. The movie quickly forgotten as they enjoyed eachother's company. His clearance hearing was the next day, and everyone was waiting with anticipation of the ruling.
"Nervous is more like it," he admitted. "Three weeks of my life is gone, and two more I have to be reminded of." She looked at him, the look in his eyes painting a different story than what he told. Her hand caressed his cheek, gently turning his head to look at her.
"It's going to go fine," her words assuring. He nodded, and she knew he believed her. He always had, and she hoped he always would. He had been the one who had reassured her throughout everything they'd been through, telling her everything would be fine. And, for the most part, it had been.
The next day, he'd come and visited her at the firehouse after his appointment. His face looked somber, downcast. She ushered him into the briefing room, waiting with baited breath for news from his doctor's appointment. He leaned against one of the tables, taking her hands in his. She prepared herself for the worst case scenario, waiting for him to tell her he wasn't going to be cleared for duty or that there was something else wrong, or that he wasn't ever going to be fully better. He took a deep breath before speaking.
"I." He hesitated, and she looked at him, expecting tears or anger, instead, it was a smirk. "I got cleared." She punched his shoulder lightly, a mixture of being pissed off and happiness. They both laughed as he leaned down and kissed her.
"You should go tell Boden," she finally said, foreheads pressed together. He nodded as he opened his eyes. She remembered the first time she saw his eyes, saw how blue they were in contrast to the sand around them. They both stood upright, and he kissed her one more time before heading to Boden's office. She watched as he left. The scar was still visible through the patch of hair barely growing again.
It took a few minutes to compose herself before walking back into the common room. Everybody turned to look at her, but she kept her head down. It wasn't her news to tell even though she knew everybody was dying to know. She sat in her spot at the table and turned back to the book she had been reading. It was only a matter of time before Matt and Boden came out and announced the news.
But, when fifteen minutes passed and neither were to be seen, she started becoming anxious. Was Boden questioning whether he was good to come back or not? Had Matt not told her something? The thoughts racing in her head eventually made it to where she couldn't concentrate on the book, or the TV or the conversations around her. She sat staring at the door waiting for them to come through.
Shay glanced her way before turning back to Severide and continuing the conversation they'd already started. Ten more minutes had passed before Matt and Boden walked into the common room with smiles on their faces.
"Everybody, listen up," Boden said to the group, voice booming. "I am glad to announce that starting next shift, Casey will be back with us on Truck 81." Most of the whooped and hollered in excitement for the news. "However, Jeff Clarke will continue to be acting lieutenant for a few more shifts." There it was, the news Matt had kept from her.
"Why?" Kelly asked. "If Matt's back, shouldn't that mean he should get his position back?" Gabby nodded in agreement, looking at the two men standing before them.
"It's not the department's decision, or my doctor's," Matt responded. "Most of you don't know half of what I went through during my recovery. But, I am fully cleared. However, I feel like I need to ease myself back in rather than diving. I know I'm ready to be back as a firefighter, but I'm not quite ready to be a leader again." Gabby sighed, knowing they were going to have to talk about this when they got back home after shift.
"You know what," Herrmann said, standing and walking over to Matt. "That's exactly what a leader would do. It's good to have you back." The older man embraced Matt in a hug and then a pat on the back. Before everybody was able to congratulate their friend, the tones sounded.
"Truck 81, Ambulance 61, Squad 3, Battalion 25. Single car accident. 225 South Hoyne Ave." Gabby stood, giving Matt a quick kiss on the cheek before following everybody else to the apparatus floor and into their vehicles. Shay glanced over occasionally on the drive, and Gabby knew her friend had a million questions.
"Did you know about that bombshell?" Shay asked. The only answer Gabby could think of was that she apparently didn't know Matt as well as she'd thought she had. Over the past month, secrets weren't kept between them. They both knew that a secret could make things worse, so they were always straightforward with each other. When he asked if she was scared, she'd always answer yes. When she asked him if he was in pain, or if he could remember her name, he'd always answer truthfully. No matter how many times she'd told him her name, or his own. But now, she questioned all those answers. She knew she didn't have much of a reason to. His decisions were his, and if he felt he wasn't one-hundred percent, she knew he'd do what he could to make sure everybody else was taken care of.