I think it goes without saying that I'm sorry this chapter took me so long, but life gets in the way, and I just can't seem to stop living it. Anyway, I will do my very best to get these chapters out more quickly but with as long winded as I am, they do take a while. :)

Speaking of long-winded, Miles to Go is only half of the chapter I intended to write. Elisa had a lot to say this time around, and the mood changes quite a bit about half way through, so I thought it was best to upload it in two chapters. The second part, Halfway To Normal, should be uploaded in a day or two.

I wanted to say thank you all so much to everyone who has been reading this story and giving me such great feedback. It means the world to me and inspires me to keep going.

Enough talk; on with the chapter. It's all Elisa's POV this time around - chapter after next will return to my usual Elisa/Bella/Edward formula.

Miles To Go

Scarlet red drips from my veins
What's wrong with me
That I imagine such things?

If Only, Tiffany

Someone was chasing me.

I ran, struggling for air, trying to get my weak, too slow body to move faster down the dark, unfamiliar alleyway, feel splashing through puddles. Above me, my pursuer leapt from rooftop to rooftop with leonine grace, easily matching my pace.

I was more than aware that I was being toyed with, that if the unknown figure wanted to, it could swoop down upon me at any moment, like a hawk descending on their prey. Maybe this was amusing, to watch me desperately try to escape.

Ahead of me, I could see the alley rapidly coming to a dead end. I'd be trapped then, my back against the bricks, the dirty, graffiti covered walls of this urban hell the last thing I saw.

As I ran out of places to flee, trapped, helpless, resentment bubbled within me. To have survived so much just to have it end like this...was this really how it was supposed to be?

It didn't matter. There was nothing, no way out, no hope.

At that moment, my eyes, frantically touring every corner of this desolate place, caught sight of the rusted, metal door breaking up the stone wall to my right, nearly hidden in the shadows. My feet took flight once more, racing for it, knowing without seeing that my pursuer was close.

Just as my fingers touched the cold metal that could have been my salvation, I heard the nearly silent sound of the predator alighting on the pavement behind me. The possibility of escape had come far too late.

Really, I'd expected it all along.

I didn't want to turn around, but I wasn't going to die like this, hiding, my face pressed against the grime-covered wall. I wanted to see the face of my executioner. My body disagreed; preferring to curl up on the ground in a useless attempt at self-preservation. It took a few endless seconds for my brain to connect with my limbs and force my feet to propel the rest of me around.

I stilled, staring in surprise at the face before me.

"It's you!" There was no terror in my voice, just shock and a kind of benumbed understanding.

This changed everything. Not my fate, of course, but the reason for it.

I looked down, unsurprised to see the blood staining my hands, and then back up to the figure before me, surveying me with a determined but oddly sympathetic expression. I smiled sadly, to show that I understood.

Then I closed my eyes so I would not have to watch him spring.

I sat up in bed, gasping. For a moment, I was completely disoriented, staring wildly at the unfamiliar walls surrounding me. In a moment, some semblance of reality returned. It was a dream, nothing more. I was fine, in my new bedroom in St. John's.

I clasped my hand over my mouth, knowing I was still hyperventilating. I didn't want anyone to hear me and come upstairs to check. I knew Carlisle had been worried that my insomnia and nightmares hadn't gotten much better over the past several months. I was afraid he was going to suggest medication for me soon, and in my mind, it was a short jump from that to straitjackets and the loony bin.

The unrelenting darkness wasn't helping me to regain my composure. Five more minutes of staring into the shadows and imagining what could be hidden in them and I really would lose it. Resignedly, I reached over and twisted the knob on the old-fashioned lamp next to my bed. The resulting warm glow brought the room to life and I instantly felt better.

The bedroom Esme had designed for me was stunning. Just gazing around at it was enormously helpful at putting the bad dreams far behind me. How she'd managed to figure out my taste so completely with a few choice questions over the summer I'd never know. Stepping into it was like stepping into A Little Princess, right into Sara Crewe's garret. Well, except without the rats, and starvation. The furniture and even the faded rose shade on the walls screamed turn of the century, but it was still girly enough to make me feel right at home. I even had my own fireplace. I'd loved my bedroom at home, but this was something else.

I sighed heavily at my own thoughts. I was going to have to stop doing that, comparing everything here to what I'd left behind - what I could remember of it, anyway. This was my home now. Thinking otherwise, after everyone had worked so hard to give me a chance to be happy here, made me feel low and ungrateful all over again.

I was about to lie back down and try to make myself fall back asleep when something caught my attention. My ears, now far more attuned to subtle noises, could hear barely perceptible footsteps outside my bedroom door. Someone was moving hesitantly, almost at a human pace, most likely pondering whether to come in and check on me or not. Great - I didn't want anyone to fuss over me right now. It was just too embarrassing.

I blinked rapidly and prepared to put on a good show as my doorknob slowly turned.

Sure enough, my door creaked open and Esme's concerned face appeared around it.

"Elisa?" She whispered softly.

I turned towards her slowly, keeping my eyes unfocused and sleepy looking. "Hmm?" I mumbled.

"I thought I heard you, and then the light went on...is everything alright?" She studied me carefully.

"Everything's fine." I slurred my words just slightly, as if I were still half-asleep. "I woke up and just forgot where I was for a minute."

Esme chuckled. "That's understandable. No nightmares, though?"

I shook my head, smiling slightly to reassure her. "No. Sorry to bother you." I yawned widely and Esme visibly relaxed. She was always easier to fool than the others were. I felt a little bad about that.

"I'll just turn this off then and let you get back to sleep." Esme patted my head and then reached over to turn off the lamp. I had to fight to keep my heartbeat and breathing steady as the darkness fell over me once more. The last thing I needed was for Esme to report to Carlisle that I had added being afraid of the dark to my already long list of mental defects.

After Esme had flitted out of the room, I made myself close my eyes. The dark had brought the bleak alley back full force, forced me to remember the terror I'd felt as my pursuer, whose face I could not and did not want to remember, closed in on me. I concentrated as hard as I could to make my mind go blank, but as soon as I forced those visions out of my head, they were replaced by the ones that woke me up almost every night. Nancy's pleading voice, Scott's answering snarl, the sound of his gun as it went off...

I bit my lip hard and made myself breathe evenly as I concentrated on another image. Dragging the picture out of the ever-increasing fog that was my past, I recalled my younger self, maybe four or five. The memories came a little more easily now, and I remembered now that I had had bad dreams then too. Whenever I had woken up crying my mother would come in and rock me back to sleep. I thought about that now, how safe I felt in her arms as we swayed back and forth, her voice crooning an off-key lullaby in my ear.

With my phantom mother's face fixed firmly in my mind, her ghostly arms around me, I finally drifted back to sleep.

x X x

I slept restlessly and I woke up enough times to realize I was dreaming again, but thankfully, the details were hazy and I was tired enough to not let it keep me awake. By the time dawn began to chase away the lingering shadows in my room, the dreams were just a haze.

The light of day nudged me awake gradually. I opened my eyes and didn't recognize anything at first. Then I remembered - again - that we were in St. John's and I leapt out of bed. There was so much I wanted to do today, and I knew Esme had a few things planned as well.

As I got dressed, I thought about the drive to Canada. It seemed to have sped by in a blur. We only stopped when absolutely necessary - in other words, for me to do essential human things like eat and rest. Still, I had enjoyed the trip across the provinces. Edward had been right - Canada was beautiful.

Carlisle and Esme seemed to feel badly that we didn't have time for more sightseeing, with so much still to arrange in St. John's once we arrived. They had both apologized to me repeatedly, promising me a better vacation during spring break. As if I was going to hold anything against them - they'd changed their entire lives because of me. Besides, I had years to explore my new country.

I had just finished brushing my hair when there was a crackling, static noise in the air.

"Elisa?" It was Esme's voice, but distorted, almost electronic, making me jump in my tracks. "Are you ready for breakfast?"

I'd forgotten about the intercoms installed in nearly every room, a leftover from the previous owners. I hurried over to the one on my wall and pressed the button so that I could respond. "Sure, Esme. I'll be right down."

"I'm in the kitchen." She responded and then clicked off.

I nearly got lost on the way downstairs to find her - that's how big the new house was. This was definitely going to take some getting used to. The sensation was disorienting. It felt like once again I'd tumbled off balance and fallen into another world.

First, St. John's was nothing like what I had expected. Emmett in particular had been very entertained by my open mouth and popping eyes as we had driven into the city limits.

That's right; I said the city limits. It wasn't huge, but it was most definitely a thriving slice of urbania. This was so not the tiny isolated outpost I'd been picturing. Of course, my little fantasy of what St. John's was supposed to be like had involved a few primitive wood buildings, of lot of 'eh' saying, fur covered old men and the occasional wandering moose. Clearly, my lack of knowledge about Canada had completely warped my expectations.

Then, of course, if St. John's itself hadn't been enough of a shock (I suspected it might even have a mall - heaven!), there had been the new house. It was stunning. White, like the old, but even bigger, sprawling across acres of emerald green. Like the Forks house, it was not in town, but in a far more rural area, dominating a secluded glen far from prying eyes. Another dark, unfathomable forest loomed nearby to make for easy hunting.

The estate had a slightly more polished, manicured feel than the other house. When Esme was giving me the initial tour she'd explained that unlike most of the tumbling down houses she re-built from the ground up, the St. John's house had been in fairly good condition and hadn't needed a lot of work. It had only been vacant for a year or so after the elderly woman who owned it had died. It was clear that Esme was disappointed that she had not been able to put as much of her own mark on the place, but I suspected there would be serious remodeling in the future.

However, she did have a new project on the horizon. There was a second, much smaller house on the estate, set far back from the main house. When Esme had shown it to me, she explained that it was called a carriage house. Back in the days of horse drawn transportation the building had housed buggies and carriages, hence the name. Since then, it had been renovated and used for different things, the latest being servants' quarters.

It was clear no one had concerned themselves with it for years though. Contrary to the well-kept grounds and main house, the carriage house was in complete disrepair. The outside walls were cracked, and inside, the walls were covered in scratched paint or peeling wallpaper. Almost every window had been broken, and vandals had long since carried off anything of value inside and damaged much of what was left.

All of this seemed to delight rather than worry Esme. She happily informed me that she planned to remodel the decrepit building and present it to Bella and Edward as a wedding present. I honestly had a hard time picturing how she was going to make the tumbledown house presentable in the mere week or so before they made their appearance. Apparently, I was underestimating vampire ability because she didn't seem to think the time restraint was much of a challenge at all.

On the other hand, maybe...I swallowed hard as another thought occurred to me. Maybe she hadn't meant for it to be finished in a week. Maybe she was thinking she had a lot more time than that. Bella and Edward would only be in St. John's for a few days before Carlisle accompanied them to Alaska. He'd be back as soon as it was certain there were no problems with Bella's transformation, but they wouldn't be. How long would it be before Bella could even consider controlling herself around me or other humans? A year? Two? Five? By the time they joined up with the rest of the family again, I could be long gone. Maybe that's what they wanted. My eyes burned. It felt like I'd had hardly any time with them at all, and they were leaving.

I felt a serious wave of depression coming on at that. I cut my Inner Voice off before it could start a monologue of 'poor me' and entered the kitchen.

The new kitchen had an island, with barstools, and I went to it and sat down. Esme was waiting for me, hovering over the stove expectantly.

"What would you like to eat this morning, Elisa?" She asked brightly. "Pancakes, eggs, waffles, omelet's, crepes…?"

I held up a hand as she continued to rattle off options like a short order cook. "You don't need to go to so much trouble, Esme." I picked a banana out of the bowl of fruit on the counter. "I'll just have this."

Esme sighed. "If that's what you want."

She looked disappointed and I felt guilty again. Esme was born to be a mother. I should let her take care of me more. I decided I'd be extra hungry for lunch, even if I had to choke down every mouthful with a smile on my face.

Not knowing what to say, and sincerely hoping she wasn't about to ask me if I'd slept well, I concentrated on peeling my banana. Esme turned away from the stove and walked to the island, casually leaning forward on her elbows. "I was wondering if you'd like to help me in the flower garden this morning, Elisa. It's not in good shape at the moment; I have lots of work to do before it gets too cold."

I nodded, hurriedly chewing so I could answer her. "Sure. I mean, I don't know anything about gardening but I could pull weeds for you or whatever."

Esme flashed a happy smile at me. "I'll teach you." She assured me. "It will be good for you to be outside as much as possible while the weather is still good. I think some fresh air and exercise is just what you need to get some color back into your face and get your appetite back so you regain some of the weight you've lost."

I flushed at her words, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Of course I would have lost weight during these past few months...in fact, the wedding was the first time I'd felt hungry enough to eat a whole meal. Ugh...between the lack of sunshine, the near inability to sleep, and the weight loss, I must look hideous. I hoped I was halfway back to normal looking before school started.

Just the fact that I cared about how I would look on the first day of school was bizarre too. All those things that I used to care about, clothes, boys, friends, school, back when I was still Elisa Jensen from San Diego, had been lost in my grief for my family and my old life. It was an odd feeling to regain some of that back, as if I'd been torn apart and now was reassembling myself, piece by piece. It seemed inevitable that some of the pieces would be missing or distorted by now...it caused a wave of half-excitement, half-apprehension in me to realize that the Elisa I was putting back together was someone I really didn't know yet.

Esme was still talking and I put a lid on my inner thoughts for a moment so I could focus on what she was saying.

"There are a few dance studios in town. I remember you said you were taking classes...later this week maybe we can take you around to a few, see if there's one you like." Her face was slightly anxious looking now. "We want life to get back to normal for you - none of want you to feel like you have to give up any more than what's already been taken from you."

I didn't quite know what to say to that. It was becoming more and more clear to me why Carlisle and Esme had chosen St. John's...a place that was so much bigger, more populated, than what they seemed to prefer. It was because they were trying to give me back a familiar environment, at the expense of what might be more comfortable or convenient for the rest of them, and that realization made my throat tighten in a very familiar way.

"That would be great, Esme. I've missed dancing." I smiled back at her. "Thank you."

Esme looked pleased. "Wonderful. So we've got a busy week then in between working on the house, getting you set up in dance, registering for school..."

Her words were interrupted by the abrupt appearance of Alice, who appeared out of seemingly nowhere, streaked into the room, and then plopped onto the stool next to me.

"Don't forget though, Esme. Tomorrow she's all mine." She informed us with a grin, coming into the conversation as if she'd been present the whole time.

"I am?" I wasn't upset at the idea of spending the day with Alice, just surprised. Did Alice need me to help her with some chores of her own? I tried to imagine what those could be. Color coding the endless racks of clothes in her walk in closet? Polishing her crystal ball? Buffing the shine on all six hundred and seventy eight pairs of her shoes?

"Of course, silly." Alice informed me, breaking into my speculative thoughts. "School starts in a few weeks. You need clothes." Her smile widened. "Finally."

Esme laughed. "Alice has been dying to take you on one of her shopping expeditions." She frowned slightly. "I hope you're up to it. Keeping up with Alice can require quite a bit of stamina."

"Don't worry." I grinned back at them. "I got that impression when we went shopping for Bella. Besides, when it comes to shopping I am all about stamina. "

"Excellent. A girl after my own heart." Alice flashed her brilliantly white teeth at me again. "It will be nice to have another shopping buddy when Bella's not here." She chuckled. "Actually, it will be nice to have a shopping companion even when she is here." We all snickered.

Alice turned back to Esme. "Speaking of school, where is she going?" She stopped for a moment, her face going blank. "Sullivan High, it looks like, but apparently you haven't made a firm decision yet."

I stopped eating, waiting for Esme to answer. I'd been wondering about that myself.

Esme looked thoughtful. "Sullivan has a good reputation but St. Agatha's has smaller class sizes and in terms of curriculum..." She continued musing aloud but I wasn't listening any more. My mind had frozen on 'St. Agatha's'. That sounded suspiciously like...private school. Private Catholic school. Every single bad movie I'd ever seen about girls in plaid skirts and angry nuns with rulers came rushing back to me and I cringed. Besides, with a name like St. Agatha's, I was strongly suspecting it was a no boy's zone. Ewww...how horrible. All girls, all the time. With my tendency to get into catfights and hair pulling matches, I'd be bald by December.

Someone chuckled next to me and I realized Carlisle had come in without me seeing. He surveyed my expression with amusement before turning back to Esme. "I think Sullivan will be fine. We'll try it for a semester or two at least, and if it doesn't work out we can always give St. Agatha's another look."

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I flashed him a grateful smile.

Alice looked relieved too. "Good. You were just about to make our all day shopping spree nearly pointless." She grimaced. "Uniforms...how awful."

Carlisle turned back to me. "Are you done eating, Elisa?" He asked, looking at my empty banana peel.

I nodded, and he held out a hand, helping me off the stool. "Why don't you come into my study for a moment? I'd like to have a word with you, if you don't mind." He exchanged a look with Esme.

I swallowed apprehensively. His smile was kind, but I knew that look. The one said a lecture was coming. I steeled myself in preparation; it was always worse when it came from someone you respected and wanted to please.

Carlisle led me down the long hallway to his study, an enormous, wood paneled room that took up a big chunk of the main floor. Once inside, he shut the double doors behind us and indicated that I should sit down on the long lounge against the wall.

To my surprise, Rosalie and Emmett were also in the study, looking as though they'd been waiting for us. From the look on Rosalie's face, I had a pretty good idea I knew what this was about and I had to restrain myself from giving her a resentful look. Did she really think I needed to have another conversation about the Tanya incident on Bella and Edward's wedding day? My ears were still ringing from the 'talk' I'd been forced to endure from her.

After a moment's hesitation, Carlisle seated himself across from me, behind his desk. I felt even more like I'd been sent to the principal's office. I fidgeted a little in my seat, waiting for the worst, but no one spoke for a moment. Carlisle's calm face gave no sign of unease, but I suddenly got the impression that he was nervous too. I felt a bit better at that realization.

"So Elisa…" Carlisle finally broke the awkward silence. "I understand there was an incident between you and Tanya the other day."

I knew it.

"Um…sort of." I admitted, looking down at the carpet. "It was no big deal though." I tried to look nonchalant.

"No big deal?" Rosalie sputtered in indignation, ruining my attempt at casual. "Carlisle, I told you what she did! Elisa practically challenged Tanya. She all but told her she intended to become a vampire just so she could, and I quote, 'kick her skanky ass!' " Rosalie put her hands on her hips and gave me a furious look.

There was a strangled snort and I looked up to see Emmett trying to cover his grin with his hand.

Rosalie glared at him furiously. "Em, it's not funny!"

"I'm not laughing!" Emmett protested as his eyes danced. He winked at me and I looked away before I could smile back at him and get myself into more trouble.

Carlisle cleared his throat pointedly and the two of them went silent immediately. He looked back at me and took a deep breath, as if measuring his words carefully.

"Carlisle, look, I know what you're going to say." I blurted out before he could speak. "I'm sorry about the whole Tanya thing. I didn't mean it. It's just - she made me so mad and I lost my temper. I promise it won't happen again."

Carlisle smiled at me warmly and I relaxed a bit. "It's understandable, Elisa. You're young, and like many people your age, you tend to react without thinking it through first. What we need to impress on you, however, is that your life is no longer like that of other teenagers. I cannot stress enough how important discretion is to our family, not only when it comes to dangerous situations, but in our every day lives. We can't afford loss of control, even if it's just verbally. One wrong slip of the tongue can change our lives. I know this is a lot of pressure to put on your shoulders, but I very much need for you to practice self-discipline."

He leaned back in his chair and surveyed me. "And please understand that it's not just out of concern for our secrets that I'm speaking. We want to keep you safe, Elisa, but we can't do that without your help. You were very lucky that Tanya has so much self-control, and a sense of humor. If it had been anyone else…" He let his words drift off without finishing.

I nodded. "I understand and I promise to work on it. Losing my temper with Jane and Tanya is bad enough - I'm not going for a third time."

Carlisle's head shot up and he stared at me. "Jane?" His voice was strained.

Uh oh. I really was going to have to work on these little slips of the tongue. "Well…uh, you know about the whole Jane thing. Italy, the tunnel…" I crossed my fingers that this would be the end of the discussion about Jane.

"Yes, I remember, but apparently, I'm missing some of the finer details. Please, fill me in." Carlisle looked at me steadily. Darn vampires…they always knew when you were holding back.

"Um…I might have called her Munchkin Princess?" I smiled weakly. "She was a little mad about it." Raging and homicidal was a more accurate description, but Carlisle probably knew her well enough to figure that out on his own.

Carlisle closed his eyes. "Munchkin princess." He repeated, his voice flat.

"Well, she started it!" I folded my arms across my chest, starting to feel a bit defensive.

From Emmett and Rosalie's corner, there was a wheezy, choking sound and I turned to see Emmett nearly convulsed with laughter. Rosalie smacked him on the back of the head.

Carlisle looked at them. "Rosalie, Emmett, I think perhaps it would be best if Elisa and I finished this discussion in private." His voice was still calm, but there was a note in it that said this wasn't a suggestion.

Rosalie nodded and with another fierce glare at her husband, walked with him out of the room.

I looked back at Carlisle to see him pinching the bridge of his nose with his forefingers and I realized where Edward had picked up the gesture. Not knowing what else to say, I stared again at the carpet as I waited for him to speak.

Carlisle finally looked back at me and sighed. "I think, even more so now, that we need to make very sure that you and Jane never encounter one another again. It is not in her nature to forgive or forget such an insult." His voice was grave.

I nodded again, feeling a ripple of fear now. He didn't have to tell me twice - Jane was definitely one vampire I never wanted to see again in any way, shape or form. Just the mention of her name was enough to give me flashbacks.

"Elisa." Carlisle's gentle voice had me raising my head to look in his golden eyes.

He smiled more readily now. "I have noticed that you are much more apt to be reckless and find yourself in harm's way when you are acting on someone else's behalf. More specifically, Bella and Edward's."

He leaned forward to gaze at me more intently. "I think your loyalty and protectiveness of those you care about are wonderful qualities to have, but Esme and I worry about you. We know that we can't replace your parents but we are your guardians now and you need to trust that we want what is best for you. Maybe it's time for you to stop trying to take care of everyone else and let us take care of you for a while. Deal?"

I nodded slowly, feeling a little overwhelmed by the serious turn of the conversation, but touched at the same time. "OK."

"Good." Carlisle stood up, still smiling. "I hope, Elisa, that as you get to know us better you'll come to rely on us more."

"Thank you, Carlisle." I felt a bit awkward. "I mean, for everything."

He nodded, seeming to understand. "I won't keep you inside any longer. We won't have much more of this nice weather so you might as well enjoy it while you can."

As grateful as I was to him for putting up with so much from me, it was still a relief to leave his office. Carlisle was in some ways even more intimidating than Rosalie, Jasper, and Edward put together, despite his gentle mannerisms. He had an aura of power around him that was disconcerting. I think he realized that I felt that way too - I had noticed how exaggeratedly careful and slow he was around me, as if he were afraid of frightening me.

I was still standing in the hallway, trying to remember which direction I should go to make my way outside and to the gardens, when a cold voice came out of seemingly nowhere, startling me all over again.

"Do you have any idea how much you are going to hurt them?"

I whirled to see Jasper standing several feet from me, nearly lost in the shadows against the wall.

"What? Hurt who?" I stammered.

"My family. Alice." When he said Alice's name, something in his eyes flared, and I realized then how hard he was trying to control himself. My heart began to pound.

"I wouldn't ever hurt -" My voice was trembling now, but Jasper didn't let me finish my sentence.

"Did you think that was amusing, what you pulled the day of the wedding? Running off alone in the woods with a dangerous creature like a werewolf, and then antagonizing our ally into nearly attacking you? I thought I was beginning to understand you, Elisa. You told me that you understood the risks you were taking by being with us. You never mentioned that you wanted to take those risks, that you were going to use this experience as an elaborately planned suicide."

"What?" I gasped out, staring at him.

"It was bad enough, the fact that you wanted to live with a family of vampires. Bad enough that we would risk not only the wrath of the Volturi, but us potentially killing you ourselves. Still, perhaps that was manageable. But with the heedless way you choose to lead your life, it's no longer a question of if something will happen to you. It's a question of when. Do you have any idea what that is going to do to everyone who tried so hard to protect you? They will all be devastated. They'll blame themselves. Guess who I'm going to blame?" He was glaring at me now, his golden eyes frigid, and I took a nervous step back.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't think enough." I was fighting back the tears now. "But you have it all wrong - that was never what I wanted!"

"Really? I have it wrong?" His eyes seemed like they could burn a hole through me. "There's something about you, Elisa...something off. Are you going tell me I'm wrong about that too? That you're not hiding something?"

I wanted to say no, to deny all of his angry accusations, but my mouth was too dry to speak. Jasper gave me one last disdainful look, turned on his heel and was gone in an instant.

I stood there in shock for a moment, feeling overwhelmed by a strong sensation of guilt and shame. Tears began to trickle down my face. What had I done now? Was I really so selfish...so dangerous to everyone I cared about?

There was a movement from the doorway leading back towards the great room, and then Emmett appeared, followed closely by Rosalie.

Emmett took one look at my tearstained face and whirled back around.

"That's it," he growled. "I'm beating Jasper's ass."

"Em!" Rosalie grabbed him, stopping him in his tracks. "I'm not happy with him either but you attacking him is just going to upset Elisa more."

I nodded vigorously, wiping my eyes. "I don't want you guys fighting because of me. Please, Emmett. Just let it go."

Emmett sighed, then inclined his head in defeat.

Looking relieved, Rosalie let go of his arm and then walked over to me. She lifted my chin in her hand so she could look into my eyes. "Don't let him get to you like this, Elisa. Jasper just has...issues." Her own face tightened now. "I think I'm going to go talk to Alice."

I wanted to protest but she was gone before I could make a sound.

Emmett still looked frustrated, but his expression softened as he looked a at me. "She's right, kid. Don't let him get under your skin."

I nodded, trying to look calm. Emmett didn't seemed fooled.

"How would you like to go for a run with me, Elisa? I can't really take you sightseeing at the moment, on account of it being all sunny and inconvenient, but I seem to recall that you enjoy traveling vampire style."

"Really?" I brightened.

Emmett grinned. "Really. Go get a sweater first though. It may look sunny, but it's not all that hot and Esme will kill me if I let you get cold."

I smiled in response and hurried up the stairs.

As soon as I was out of Emmett's line of vision, I let my cheery smile drop. Jasper's words were still boring into my brain. Even the sight of my pretty new bedroom as I walked in wasn't enough to cheer me up. I closed the door and leaned against it, struggling to process my emotions. It hurt that Jasper still clearly disliked me and distrusted as much, if not more, than ever. And I felt sick, guilty, because, disregarding his insane notion that I was flamboyantly suicidal, everything else he'd said was true. I had been thoughtless and I hadn't considered the consequences of my actions, not only for me but for the family that had risked so much to take me in.

Underneath all that though, was another emotion, rapidly bubbling to the surface. Anger. I was getting fed up with Jasper dumping on me every chance he got. Maybe he was right about some things but did he have to leap at every opportunity to make me feel like crap? I was fifteen; wasn't I entitled to make a few mistakes? Did he leap down Bella's throat for going after James in Phoenix, or for falling in love with a werewolf, or for existing in general? Nooo, of course not. When it came to Bella, everyone was so understanding, no matter what insanity she got herself stuck in.

Me, I call a skank a skank, spend twenty minutes in the woods with the same werewolf and a collective coronary is had by all. Sheesh, overreact much?

Yes, I was definitely getting seriously pissed off. And it was even more frustrating that my natural desire to go back downstairs and kick Jasper as hard as I could was impeded by him being all stony and invincible. It was so unfair. There should be a law that nobody was allowed to be that annoying unless they were kickable as well.

"Elisa, are you coming?" Emmett's voice floated up the stairs to me.

"Be right down!" I called back, and grabbed my sweater from the bedpost where it was hanging.

A few minutes later, I was walking at Emmett's side to the forest beyond the house. I had thought that Rosalie might come as well, but she must have still been talking to Alice. I felt another wave of self-consciousness at that, followed by more Jasper-centered resentment. I wasn't going to take the blame for any strife between Rosalie and Alice - this one was all on him.

My eyes narrowed as I caught sight of his gigantic motorcyle leaning against the outer wall of the garage as we passed it. Quickly, I calculated the odds of my living to see tomorrow if I gave in to the urge to spray paint 'Jasper Hale Sucks!' on its shiny silver surface, but had to admit it didn't look good.

Still, I was on the defensive now. No more groveling and wishing that Jasper would forgive me for daring to interrupt his eternity with my unwanted presence. I didn't ask to be here, but I was, and he was just going to have to get over it.

"Ready to ride, Elisa?" We'd reached the outskirts of the dense trees now and Emmett was looking at me expectantly. I beamed back, deciding not to let thoughts of Jasper ruin anything for me from now on.

x X x

It was surprisingly easy to not think about Jasper as the days passed by. Out of sight, out of mind, I supposed, and I barely saw him. Clearly, he was avoiding me again. I didn't mind this much, except for the fact that it meant I barely got to see Alice either. That made me sad. I'd had a lot of fun with her the day she took me clothes shopping and I'd been hoping it was the start of a good relationship between us. It looked like that wasn't going to happen now - just something else to blame Jasper for.

Aside from my rapidly growing resentment towards Jasper, the last days of summer were laid back and easy. As much as I missed Bella and Edward, I enjoyed the calm as my life finally began to settle into a steady pattern. I generally spent mornings with Esme, tending to the flower gardens that wouldn't bloom until spring, or shopping for antiques for the house. After lunch, I accompanied her to the carriage house where Rosalie and Emmett would already be hard at work, and Carlisle occasionally as well if he wasn't working. Between the five of them, the remodeling was coming along remarkably quickly. My humanly slow attempts to help didn't accomplish much, but all of them put on a good show pretending that I was a vital part of the renovations. It was kind of adorable in a way, how hard they tried to make me feel included.

Evenings I generally spent with Rosalie and Emmett, sometimes at home, usually not. They seemed to enjoy taking me out on the town, to dinner or movies or whatever they could think of that they thought I would find amusing. Carlisle and Esme joined us from time to time. I think Carlisle felt a little guilty that he wasn't able to spend more time with me, but between his schedule at the free clinic where he now worked and my need to sleep at night, we were lucky to see each other a couple of hours out of the day.

Edward and Bella called every other day or so. They had finally left Forks, but they were taking their sweet time making it to St. John's. It was understandable. After all, they were newlyweds. But I could not deny to myself that I was growing impatient. When they finally arrived, it could be the last time I saw them for years. In general, I tried not to think about that too much - it was far too painful, one of the few black spots on my otherwise peaceful days.

We'd been in St. John's for about ten days and Esme's theory that fresh air and exercise would do me good seemed to be paying off. I was finally eating full meals and for the most part, sleeping through the night. The return of my good health left me with an abundance of energy and general high spirits. I was looking forward to starting school again. In fact, I was looking forward to life in general.

Still, despite the fact that I was finally starting to feel at ease, I still wasn't completely comfortable with knowing that I was in serious danger of being spoiled rotten. I felt like I was doing a lot of taking, and no giving in return. To counteract the guilt, I insisted on being given a list of chores to do around the house. Esme and Carlisle agreed, and in return, offered me an obscenely large allowance. I had to bargain them down to a more reasonable amount. Not that I was generally that selfless, but they'd done enough for me already. I wasn't going to cap it all off but taking advantage of them.

On this particular afternoon, I was straightening up the library. Aside from my bedroom, it was my favorite room in our new home. I loved to sit in there for hours and work my way through the bookshelves, which were unexaggeratedly better stocked than most bookstores. It could be years before I ran out of things to read.

There wasn't much for me to do. I put away a few random books, dusted the already pristine looking furniture, and then decided to vacuum. The floor didn't really need it, but in the interest of feeling useful, I dug the vacuum cleaner out of the hallway closet anyway and dragged it through the library door. Then I turned on my iPod, a back to school gift from Emmett, plugged in the cleaner, and went to work.

My thoughts drifted as I pushed the machine idly across the floor, wondering again about Edward and Bella, who were supposed to be there any day, thinking about school and what my classmates were going to be like, endless, random musings with little importance.

It was the scrape of the vacuum against stone that brought me back down to earth. Without noticing, I'd pushed it right into the hearth before the fireplace. Even as I realized this, it was too late to stop it - the vacuum was already gliding across the hard, slick surface and then crashing into the fireplace itself.

None of this would have been a big deal, except for what happened next.

Carlisle's ancient cross, the one that had belonged to his father in England some three hundred plus years ago, was affixed to the wall above the fireplace. The impact must have jarred it loose. It detached itself and smacked into the stone at my feet, snapping cleanly in half.

I stared at the broken cross in mute horror for what seemed like an eternity, even though I knew it was just seconds. Hw could I have been so careless? And why did I have such disastrously bad luck? The library was full of fragile and undoubtedly expensive objects, and yet I still had to go and break the one thing that could not be replaced.

Tears began to form in my eyes and I tried not to sob as the magnitude of my crime hit me. How was I going to explain to Carlisle that I had broken his one remaining link to his human past; the only remnant of his father? A relic that had survived for centuries until Hurricane Elisa blew into town and trashed it, just another piece of debris in my wide swath of destruction.

It wasn't so much that I was afraid of Carlisle's reaction. He'd forgive me, that I knew. He'd tell me it was an accident and that he understood. Maybe he'd even try to make me believe that Esme could fix it somehow. Knowing this did not make me feel better. This was just too much, the last straw. Everything I touched, I wrecked somehow. Why did I always have to be such a burden on everyone? I did not want forgiveness and understanding. For once I wanted to be the person who wasn't such a perpetual screw up in the first place. I wanted desperately at that moment to just not be me any more.

And then the room began to spin.

For an instant, I thought I'd just gotten a bit dizzy. Then I felt it, the pressure, building from the top of my head and spreading through every particle of my body until it reached the tips of my toes. It was like a giant hand had wrapped itself around the whole of me and was squeezing, pressing me flat. Even my lungs no longer had room to draw air; my heart no longer had space enough to beat. I was dying, I had to be, and I could not even take a breath to cry out one last time. All around me the room twisted and turned, shifting so fast that it became nothing more than a blur.

Just as suddenly as it had begun, it all stopped. I stared in front of me in bewilderment. I was no longer in front of the fireplace, but back in the doorway of the library. The handle of the vacuum cleaner was still in my hand, but the cord was still wrapped up, as if I'd just taken it out of the closet.

Feeling dizzy again, and distantly aware that my head was throbbing painfully, I forced myself to look through the doorway and at the wall in front of the fireplace. To my shock, Carlisle's cross was back on the wall, whole and unblemished, as if the last couple of minutes had never happened at all.

I was utterly confused but before I could even try to comprehend what had just happened, the pain in my head exploded, washing over me in waves and making me stagger. It felt like my brain had swollen to several times its normal size, then caught fire. I put my hands on either side of my head, as if I could somehow block the agony out but it only increased. My eyes felt like they were being forced out of their sockets.

My knees began to buckle but just as I began to slump to the ground, a cold, hard arm came around my waist and held me up.

"Elisa, what's wrong?" Esme's anxious voice sounded in my ear. "I thought I heard something fall - was it you? Did you hit your head?"

I tried to shake my head no, but that brought a fresh wave of blinding pain. My stomach churned violently in response. Dimly, I realized that I was seconds away from hurling on Esme. I don't know where I got the strength to move but I straightened up and pushed against her arm. She released me immediately and I raced down the hallway to the bathroom, barely making it in time.

Esme was right beside me. If I hadn't been in such a miserable state, I would have been embarrassed. Her cool hands held back my hair as I heaved over and over. After an endless interlude of paying homage to the porcelain gods, she helped me to my feet, washed my face, and then nearly carried me down the hall to my room where I gratefully crawled on top of my comforter.

The pain was unrelenting. If I moved my head even a fraction of an inch, it got worse. At one point, I actually saw stars. The throbbing in my brain made any other pain I'd ever been in seem kind. Even being hit by the car back in San Diego seemed like a ride at Disneyland in comparison.

While I was lying on my bed, praying for unconsciousness or a quick death, Esme hovered over me, occasionally wiping my face and asking me anxious questions. I must have answered them but it was beyond me how I still had the capacity to form words. I was vaguely aware that others were near...Rosalie, Emmett, and Alice, speaking softly to Esme and looking down at me with concerned expressions.

The seconds seemed to pass by as though they were imbedded in quicksand but eventually Carlisle was there at my bedside. After a near silent discussion with Esme, he knelt down, and shined a light in my eyes which just made the agony that much more intense. He also took my temperature and pulse, asked me a few questions that I mumbled nonsensical answers to.

I nearly cried with relief when he produced the syringe, although under normal circumstances I would have been cringing in terror instead. The sting of the needle in my arm was almost a soothing distraction, and within a matter of minutes, I fell gratefully into blackness.

It seemed to be a very long time before any awareness came back to me. I woke to find Esme still beside my bed.

"How are you feeling?" She whispered quietly.

I paused for a moment before speaking to consider it.

"Good." I decided after a moment. "A little shaky, maybe, but my head doesn't hurt anymore."

Esme smiled, but her face was still tinged with worry.

"Do you remember what happened?" She asked me as I sat up slowly, giving myself time to make sure my stomach didn't rebel on me again.

"Not really - " I started to say, but suddenly it all came rushing back and forgetting my decision to be careful, I shot off the bed so quickly that a wave of vertigo made me stumble.

"Carlisle's cross!" I croaked as Esme stared at me in bewilderment. "It broke when I knocked it off the wall! Esme, I am so sorry - "

"What are you talking about, Elisa?" A different voice sounded from the doorway and I looked up to see Rosalie standing there as if she'd been there all along. "The cross is hanging on the wall like it's been since we moved in."

"It is?" I sat back down on my bed heavily. "I don't understand - are you sure?"

Rosalie shook her head, exchanging a look with Esme. "Carlisle's on his way upstairs now to check on you. Maybe he can explain what you're rambling about."

Just as she said, Carlisle appeared moments later. Rosalie and Esme left the room as he began to repeat his examination from the night before.

He smiled down at me reassuringly as he took my pulse. "You gave us all a good scare, Elisa. Have you had migraines before?"

"Migraines?" I repeated, surprised. "That was a migraine? Wow. I underestimated how bad they are, I guess. I didn't know migraines made you feel like someone filled your head with dynamite and then lit the fuse."

Carlisle chuckled. "I take it that's a no."

I nodded. "Even I would have remembered something like that."

I thought for a moment, not sure whether I should ask what was on my mind, but he was already looking at me curiously.

"Do migraines um...make you imagine things? Or...see things that aren't there? I hoped that question didn't sound as insane to him as it did to me.

Carlisle looked at me contemplatively for a moment. "Some people do experience visual anomalies before and during an episode; flickering lights, blurred vision, that sort of thing. Did that happen to you?"

No. I saw your cross fall down and break. Then everything went all swirly vortex on me. No need to be concerned, though. I'm just stark raving mad, is all.

"Something like that." I mumbled. For obvious reasons, I decided against telling the truth. Really, when it came down to it, I wasn't even sure if it was the truth. I wasn't sure of anything. I could have just imagined everything.

I hoped.

There was a quiet knock on the doorframe and we both looked up to see Esme there. "Is everything alright in here?"

Carlisle said something in reply, but I didn't hear a word of it. My eyes were riveted by what Esme was carrying. It was covered in a cloth, probably to protect the fragile wood, but there was no mistaking the shape clearly outlined in the soft fabric. It was Carlisle's cross.

Esme noticed me staring and smiled. "I thought I'd just go check since you seemed so concerned. I'm glad you said something - I should have realized that it was loose. It would have fallen eventually. I'm going to move it downstairs to Carlisle's study and we won't have to worry about it anymore."

"I'll go with you. Elisa, you get some rest." Carlisle followed Esme to the door and then with a rush of motion they were gone, leaving me staring after them.

So much for it being my imagination.

This could not be happening. My life was finally getting back to something that I could consider normal by my new world standards, and now the foundation was threatening to fall from under my feet all over again. Was I being punished for something? Maybe I got too comfortable. I should have known that the break from the traumatic and irrevocably weird was just that, a temporary vacation before the universe hurled something impossible to deal with at me once more.

I closed my eyes, massaging my forehead, trying to puzzle it out. This didn't have to be a big deal, right? Maybe I just had an Alice moment, saw something before it actually happened. That wasn't so bad. It wasn't even really that strange.

Except…I distinctly remembered Esme telling me she'd heard something fall. As far as I knew, visions did not come with Surround Sound.

I groaned, lying back and pulling my pillow over my head. There was only one thing I could be sure of. Whatever this was, I was not ready to handle it. I wasn't strong enough. I just wanted it all to go away. The unknown force that had been stealing all my old memories little by little could have this one too, because I had absolutely no intention of thinking about it ever again.

I stared up at the ceiling, counting every tiny little bump and crack in the plaster overhead, starting over every time traitorous thoughts tried to intrude. I was tired enough that it was easier than I had expected to allow my mind to go blissfully blank. My eyelids grew heavier and heavier and I didn't resist as sleep pulled me back into its grip.

Just beyond the peaceful black of oblivion, the dreams waited to have their say once more.

To Be Continued...

Hope you enjoyed this chapter - reviews are always appreciated! In the next chapter the mood is a bit lighter, even as Elisa discovers living in denial has its own consequences. Happily for her, Edward and Bella's arrival is a good distraction, and starting her sophomore year all over again is an adventure in itself.

Excerpt:

Poetry? He wrote poetry? Could it be...a boy that was both pretty and deep? OK, I was definitely riding the train into Crushville now and it was with no small amount of relief. Goodbye, Edward. So long, Jacob Black. It was about damn time I got to crush on someone who hadn't been branded by Bella first.